VIOLENT PANDA Weekly Review 06.12.06

VIOLENT PANDA Weekly Review

This week, I reviewed the ECW vs. WWE head-to-head special, TNA & Raw, and they’re listed in that order. So feel free to skim down 2/3rds of the way down if all you want to read about is Raw.

Also, I reviewed the ECW PPV here. I loved that show. No room or time for a AAA review this week. I will say that Alien’s is hilariously cool, though.

WWE vs. ECW Head to Head

We open with the man called Mickles rallying the WWE troops. Rey calls the ECW guys “punks”. Paul Heyman’s in another locker room with Sandman, Al Snow, Angle and other guys. He gets them to chant “ECW”. They don’t say “dub”.

We go to a weird opening with bland guitars and some hip hoppy record scratching to cover all the music genre bases. Now we just need some scatting. JR and King are at ringside. So are Joey Styles and Taz. Tonight.. Cena vs. Sabu! Wow, that is going to be bizarre. We get an announcer pull-apart to boot, as Taz and King are slated to square off at the PPV in what is sure to be a wrestling craptacular (later note: I was wrong).

Rey Misterio vs. Rob Van Dam:

– Lots of ECW signs in the crowd. We are able to hear all 4 announcers, it’s pretty chaotic. Rob still has his WWE generic theme. There’s separate entrances, one for ECW guys and one for WWE.

– I dunno, I think Heyman should be in Taz’s place on commentary for this show. We’re so used to Taz as a Smackdown guy, it sounds weird.

– Rob poses.. to 70% boos..! Rey and Rob do the quick reversal into INDY RESPECK~!

– Rob hits a gorilla press into a standing moonsault, awesome. Crowd is eating this up. The crowd is already sounding like the kids and women are for the WWE, and the men are with ECW… just like the Cena reactions.

– RVD is in the crowd.. is Rey..? Yes! Rey does a crossbody from the ropes over the barricade. We go to commercial.

– So far the action has been fairly ambitious, and while it’s enjoyable, it still remains to be seen if either of these guys can wrestle at even half the speed they did in ECW.

– We get an ad for ECW on Sci Fi.

– Rob crotches Rey and then hits a big side kick off the top. He pauses and milk the crowd reaction and the crowd bites big. Crowd also has a big reaction to Rob’s Jerry Lynn-esque guillotine legdrop.

– Rob grabs a chair. This is pretty much another “Rey, the world champ, is totally outclassed” kind of scenario. Rob hits the big corner chair dropkick and the crowd LOVES IT.

– Rey hits a big top rope bulldog onto a chair, this is good stuff. Rey tries to follow up with a big leg drop, but hits nothing but chair. Rob hits the frogsplash.. 1, 2, 3!

– We see the ECW locker room celebrate.

A fun bout from start to finish. No dull moments, just big spot after big spot. Rob was able to prove he still has something left here.

Winner: Rob Van Dam

We see a clip of how Randy Orton attacked Angle on Raw. Ugh.. Randy Orton on an ECW PPV.

This crowd is much more lively than the Pittsburgh crowd on Raw, but they’re clearly not an ECW-style crowd. The Hammerstein crowd’s reactions to some stuff.. like, for instance, if they are REALLY bringing in freaking GANGREL… is going to be real interesting.

Kurt Angle hits the ring. I’m getting flashbacks to the InVasion, where Kurt was a leader of… WCW. Kurt says Randy will be facing a new ECW-style Angle this Sunday. As Kurt says the “S” word (which is EXTREME!), Randy comes out on the ramp. Randy says Angle has gone from being in major motion pictures (Wrestlemania “main event”) and went to hardcore porn (ECW) – “Though ECW fans love their hardcore porn”. Hahaha, is this Randy unscripted? Randy says he is a Raw guy now…

ECW’s tag line is apparently “A new breed unleashed”. This segment starts to drag as they go back and forth about who’s going to break whose neck. “The success of ECW will fail” says Randy, heh heh.

Tonight Edge will take on Dreamer.. ugh..

Backstage..! YES! It’s Mickie James! And there’s Jazz! Sweet! This should be real interesting. Are the ladies going to be able to cut loose – and CAN they cut loose, or is the WWE style the only one they can work?

Jazz vs. Mickie James:

– Mickie looks hot as hell.. Taz starts making fun of King, yelling “puppies!”. Wonder if we’ll see Francine tonight?

– Jazz lands some kicks and a dropkick and then poses to no reaction at all. Jazz hits a big apron thesz press and an impressive facebuster. But then Mickey transitions with an eyepoke and hits the screaming implant DDT for the win.

OK stuff. A little smoother than normal. Still… super-short. I’ve never been so into Jazz, really. Too bad ECW didn’t grab someone like Tai Weed, who’s got charisma coming out of her nipples. But who knows, maybe signings like that are coming down the road once things have been established.

Winner: Mickie James

Grisham’s in the back interviewing Cena. Mention of Cena’s name gets mostly boos. We see a clip of Cena fighting ECW on the last Raw. This whole thing isn’t quite clicking just yet. Cena puts over his title, name-dropping Sammartino, Hogan and Austin. John’s talking in a phony hip-hoppy accent. He talks about how the crowd will be against him at the PPV, and that it’ll possibly be a riot scene. The camera is too close to his rubbery face as he rifles through cartoony facial expressions. It is very clear that he can EASILY fit both of his hands in his mouth. He throws in a “hoo rah” at the end, because we have to start plugging his film “The Marine” soon. This film is supposedly MUCH WORSE than Kane’s. And Kane’s was almost universally hated!

Heyman’s in the ring, mic in hand. He hypes up the Sci Fi show to just a little reaction. It turns into an infomercial, as he first runs down the card and then introduces a video hyping last year’s show. The video ends with a silly echo effect of Styles yelling “ECW liivvveeesssss”.

Angle leads another “ECW” chant in the back. Hey, Credible’s here. I guess we’re not gonna get any New Jack, huh? Big Slow addresses the WWE locker room. Show looks high as hell. Mark Henry quivers in excitement. So the battle royal is next.

WWE vs. ECW battle royal (Randy Orton, Tatanka, Mark Henry, Shelton Benjamin, Matt Hardy, Fit Finlay, Carlito, Big Show, Lashley, Edge vs. Stevie Richards, Tommy Dreamer, Credible, Al Snow, Angle, Funk, Sandman, Little Guido, Tony Mamaluke):

– Hey Lillian’s OK! I re-watched the Haas match on Raw and caught when she got knocked off the apron. In a recent interview, poor Charlie had been talking about how he was too uptight in his first run in the WWE, and that this time he was just going to let things fly and have fun. He let things fly, all right.

– Crowd STILL loves Hardy. Taz points out the Sexton Hardcastle/Edge sent tapes to ECW but wasn’t considered good enough. Styles calls ECW’s guys “pro wrestlers”. The crowd actually sings along with the “Balls” punches.

– Edge, eliminated, reaches in and drags out Mamaluke. Tommy takes offense and ends up getting sent over the top by Randy. Crowd not too into this.

– COMMERCIAL – ZEPHYR IS A SECRET CODEWORD FOR CANCER?! THOSE BASTARDS! I was smoking cigarettes expecting to contract a healthy breeze!

– Edge gets rid of Funk, crowd pops for that. ECW ends up outnumbered, and of course the ex-WWE guy Kurt Angle has to lead a surge to try to even it up. Good God, when Lashley eliminated Balls it looked really risky. He sent Balls over real awkwardly.

– Another commercial? They really are doing a poor job of filling this 2 hours.

– We’re down to Angle vs. 4 “WWE” guys.. give me a break. So that’s how it’s gonna be, then? The only ECW guy who can hand is the WWE draft pick? Pathetic.

– Angle gets rid of 2 guys, then Orton sneaks up and dumps him.. and there is a HUGE pop. Crowd cheers big time. Big Show and Orton pose in the ring. And then… ugh. Show takes off his Raw shirt and we see he’s a member of ECW. He eliminates Orton.

You’d expect a much better brawl than what we got. This new ECW is already barely ECW. Big Show..? This sucks.

Winner: Big Show

It’s somehow only 10:20 PM EST. It feels like this has been going on forever. This should be one of the most exciting shows of the year, but it’s coming off extremely flat.

Mick is in the ring with Edge and Lita… Edge calls up one of Foley’s anti-hardcore promos from the early days. Crowd has no reaction.

Edge vs. Tommy Dreamer:

– Tommy comes out accompanied by Funk. Styles calls Dreamer “An ordinary man capable of extraordinary violence”.

– This is ECW rules… and yes, there’s a HARDKORE cookie sheet and yes, it gets used. Styles points out that the WWE can have their bodybuilding stiffs like the Warrior and Lex Luger.

– Tommy takes a DDT tight into a trash can.. looked awesome. Lawler is talking circles around Taz on commentary.

– Dreamer does the tree of woe chair dropkick. Chris Sabin’s clearly the master of that move now.

– Joey Styles: “Sports Entertainment is the leprachaun that comes out with Finlay”. Lawler doesn’t know what he’s talking about and gets ripped on big time. Styles: “I’m begging you to watch the product, King”. Hahaha! Awesome.

– A table is set up in the ring, and Dreamer backdrops Edge off the top.. Edge doesn’t go through it. In fact, he misses it completely…

– Dreamer ends up giving Edge an ok-looking DVD through the table. Lita breaks up the pin.. Dreamer goes to give Lita a powerbomb (no piledrivers in the EEEE) and Edge spears him. As Lita sits on Dreamer’s face, Edge covers for the win.

The commentary was a hell of a lot of fun, which kept the sometimes-boring action spicy. The match got good at the end. I don’t know how they think they’re going to be able to make Dreamer a top guy. Even with props he’s dull, slow and actually pretty unsympathetic.

Winner: Edge

More See No Evil hype. Fleece us out of $8, why don’t you.

We come back from commercial and Mick cuts a promo in his old school awkward “I’m going to cry” emotional style. He says ECW wanted too much of him.. ECW never loved him back. Foley says Dreamer never became a prostitute like Mick did. Uhh.. did we never see the “Tommy Dreamer drinks out of urinals” gimmick? IMO, The big difference between Mick and Tommy is that Mick got over.

Mick compares ECW to a girl who stepped on his heart and stuff. Mick finishes and the crowd has no idea how to react. We cut to ringside, where Taz and Lawler get into a brawl.

John Cena vs. Sabu:

– Sign “SaBOOO Cena”

– Wow.. this is crazy… “Sabu” chant to start. John throws some punches and hits a suplex for two.

– A chant breaks out.. “Cena sucks? Cena dominates MUCH more than usual. Only when Sabu hits a lowblow does he turn the tide.

– Sabu hits the triple moonsault beautifully.. Air Sabu gets two. Crowd kind of boos both guys. The commentators start arguing loudly, but then Sabu brings Cena over and casually legdrops Cena on the Raw guys’ table. Sabu is ON tonight.

– Cena suddenly catches Sabu in mid-air and wants an F-U. It looks like Sabu is trying to slip out, but Cena cinches it in and hits Sabu with it. Cena locks in the STFU and Big Show runs in to break it up. So ECW are heels?

A really fun match, but I hate how they have made all non-WWE ECW guys look inferior. Did they HAVE to make it like Sabu was about to tap out.. to friggin’ CENA?!

Winner: Raw Finish

OVERALL: A unique show, that’s for sure. And the wrestlers were able to cut loose more. I’ll give this a HIGH THREEE out of FIVE.

TNA Impact

We open with Sting cutting a promo. The fake crowd noise has a girl going EEEE over and over and over in a wavy, hypnotic orgy of audial agony. He tells Scott Steiner that it’s showtime.

Jeff Jarrett pumps up his valet Scott Steiner. Steiner says he walks this earth every day pissed off. BORSH was holding the microphone, and he gives us his googly eyes and it’s not something you’d want to see in a dark alley, that’s for bah gawd sure.

King of the Mountain Qualifier – Scott Steiner vs. Sting:

– Steiner is accompanied by Gail Kim. Who’d have ever thought we’d see these two in the same ring together?

– They start off with some striking. Scott’s selling is pretty goofy. He takes an awesome back bump, though, just crashing to the canvas like he got a dumpster dropped on him.

– They go through some uninspired brawling on the floor, then take it back to the ring where Scott takes the momentum with a mule kick to the nads. He does his push-up thing and then locks in, of all things, a crippler crossface.

– Steiner hits an overhead belly to belly. West calls it a “backward suplex”, heh heh. He does some more celebratory push-ups and gets a “Steroids” chant. Ref Earl Hebner gets bumped and it’s time for your TNA formula finish.

– Gail jumps on Sting’s back and he flops her to the mat. Jarrett runs in and hits The Stroke-uh. Sting takes the move poorly, landing on his armpit rather than face first.

– Steiner covers and ref Slick Johnson slides in and counts the pin, but Sting kicks out. Steiner goes for rolling verticals, but Sting counters the second with a reverse DDT. Sting covers, Slick counts 1, 2.. and Jarrett drags Slick out of the ring before he can count to three.

– Steiner ends up accidentally hitting Jeff and Sting gets a roll-up. Jeff breaks up the pin and now the ref calls for the DQ. So Sting wins.

Sting and Steiner looked real slow and stale here. Just another lame TNA finish, too.

Winner: Sting

After all the King of the Mountain participants do run-ins and it’s a “clustershmozz”. Steiner grabs a house mic and says: “AH SHOULD BE EN CANADA. AH’M NA NEEBRING THI SHOW STOPS – ANYBODY COMES OUT HERE AND TRIES TO STOP ME COME ON AND HAVE AT IT!”

Christy Hemme drops the knowledge that Steiner is not leaving and Joe is scheduled to appear next. Commercial.

We’re back, and Joe’s opponent Chasyn Rance doesn’t get in the ring. Steiner’s in there and he calls out Zbysko. Instead, Joe’s music hits. He slides in the ring and gets right in Scott’s face. Scott shoves him, West says he “piefaced” him. Piefaced? What planet are these people from? Fans chant “Joe is gonna kill you”. Joe attacks and they trade blows, neither man selling. Security hits the ring and pulls them apart. Fans chant “let them fight”. Jerry f’ing Lynn and the Red Rooster are even in there breaking it up.

We cut to a paparazzi production, Alex is with Kevin Nash, and bah gawd Kevin has made us a pie chart of his plan! According to the pie chart, Kevin will need to wrestle a “clone” of Sabin next week to warm up for their PPV bout. Kevin adds that since everyone has a specialty match, Kevin’s will be a “size matters on a pole” match. Because as Vince Russo taught us, everything is better when it’s on a pole. The Nash/Shelley tandem is hilarious.

Sonjay Dutt vs. Jerelle Clark:

– Konnan joins us on commentary to complain about how the spanish announcers are being treated unfairly. Sonjay has an awesome exchange with Jerelle, and halfway into it we cut to ringside to look at Konnan talk rather than watch the match.

– Jerelle does a 619 into a submission, looks cool. Konnan says the X Division is just a rip-off of lucha libre. Uh.. you did that angle already, TNA.

– Jerelle goes up for the 630 senton and misses.. NASTY! Sonjay hits a FLASH MAGIC~! and a standing SSP for the win. Awesome.

Jerelle is an innovator. His execution was off in spots, but he seems like he has a lot to offer in the ring. Really good match, but unfortunately TNA decided to pay no attention to it on commentary.

Winner: Sonjay Dutt

Team 3D is at the ECW Arena. Ha, wow, it’s funny to see it on TV. They start talking right by the ticket booth. Team 3D proceed to put over the arena and its’ fans huge. Gotta promote the new ECW, I guess. Bubba says they will take out the Jameses at Slammiversary.

It’s funny, they just did a TNA house show at the ECW arena, and 3D faced off against the James Gang in the main event. At one point, Bubba did the “gimme a chair” thing and tons of chairs started flying into the ring. This is a re-creation of the classic Funk/Foley ECW moment. But this is TNA, so instead of appreciating the classic moment re-visited, BG James got pissed and told the fans “We had a great finish planned, but you just screwed yourselves out of it” and walked out with Kip. This is shortly after BG refused to put over a tag team that included Monty Brown at a meaningless house show. Is BG worth anywhere NEAR this kind of headache?

Team Canada vs. Chris Sabin & the Jamezzz Gang:

– The action seems to be crisp, but I find all these guys completely dull. And then the teased hot tag that the ref doesn’t see is enough for me to administer liberal use of the fast forward button. Roode cinches in an Orton-esque chinlock. Hey.. do you think the ECW chants will be busted out by the TNA fans next Sunday? Maybe a “you can’t wrestle” chant for Nash?

– Sabin hits a sweet, speedy dive on Young. TNA Finish time~! Hockey stick comes into play, ref distracted, Rhino stops Roode from using it. I can’t believe Rhino re-signed with TNA. ECW is sorely in need of names with links to their past. What’s TNA going to do with Rhino that would be worth staying for? Maybe it’s a money thing.

– Sabin hits a legdrop for the win. I guess he won’t be able to lift Nash for his usual finisher, the cradle shock, so maybe this will be the move he’ll try to beat Nash with.

Winner: Sabin and the JAMEZZZZEZZZ

My favorite TNA woman (well.. it’s a tie with Gail, actually), Christy Hemme hits the ring and does an awesome split in a short skirt that is surely an erection-inducer. She heads over to the announcers and pulls a note out of her boot. Don West wants to sniff it but resists. This note tells West to pretend the upcoming PPV is a box of 1991 fleer wax packs. He says that Steiner vs. Joe has been booked and Tenay pumps his fist and goes “YEAH!”.

Tenay apparently doesn’t like being on camera so much, but Jeff wants him to be the “face of the fans”. Brilliant, Quads.

OVERALL: An OK show. Features a pretty forgettable “marquee” match-up. A TWOOO out of FIVE.

WWE Raw

We open to Paul Heyman in the back in front of and ECW banner. He gets booed. He says that Rob Van Dam IS the WWE champion. He says on the Sci Fi channel tomorrow, the WWE title will be re-christened the ECW title. RVD will defend this title at Vengeance. He invites Edge, the #1 contender, to show up on the ECW show tomorrow. RVD pokes his head onto the screen and spins his spinner belt and says “ECW”. heh heh. Wild.

Raw open hits… UGH. We are informed that we will see HHH vs. the spirit squad tonight. And Cena faces Edge.

Randy Orton vs. Kane:

– Sign: “I slept with Mae Young for these tickets”. King calls ECW One Night Stand the blackest day in WWE hstory.

– Randy’s entrance takes forever. He poses to each section of the fans like he’s Austin or something.

– This is plodding and deliberate, to say the least. There’s a bit where Orton stumbles into a sidewalk slam that looks as fake as fake can be.

– They brawl up the ramp as girls squeal… and they brawl to a countout. Crowd boos a bit. Ballsy way to start the show, that’s for sure… Kane ends up chokeslamming Randy on the entrance stage.

– And here’s.. FayKane? Faker knocks Kane off the stage onto a big.. thing. Was it supposed to explode or something? Looked painful.

A WWE-style HOSSfest. Compared to the ECW show, this match felt like it was held underwater. Sooo slllooowwwww.

Winner: Double countout

– JR and King bring up how Charlie accidentally knocked Lillian off the apron last week. We see multiple replays. Charlie hits the ring and has a mic. He asks Lillian to come to the ring. Ooohhh… wow, Lillian is wearing exceptionally skimpy clothes tonight. She looks great. Charlie tells her he’s sorry. Will she accept his apology? Before she can answer, here comes Viscera.

Lillian doesn’t want him to, but Vis beats down Charlie anyway.. to zero heat. Is the E messing with their sound or have they just hit a couple bad crowds in a row? I like this angle. It happened, so why not use it?

We see a recap of the Vince kiss my ass thing.. and here I stopped watching Raw last week so I wouldn’t have to see it.

Of all things to show from the ECW PPV… we see a clip of Sandman caning EUGENE out of the building. Wow.

Eugene is in the locker room with a bandage on his head. Hacksaw is with him. Eugene says Hacksaw might be in trouble against Umaga, but Hacksaw tries to set him straight.

Torrie is WALKING. And looks great.

We see Vince addressing us from behind a desk. I was worried he was going to ignore ECW in favor of his buttrape angle he’s got going, but he starts off talking about it.. no.. wait. He says he’ll deal with it, but wants to talk instead about how HHH did not toss his salad last week. He says that tonight, HHH will be united with Shawn Michaels – “On the highway.. to hey-yell.”

So when’s the Cena match hype happening? Sheesh.

Do you have ZEPHYR??! It’s a term the tobacco industry used in SECRET DOCUMENTS!! A secret codeword for CANCER??!? I’m probably going to have butt zephyr at some point. There’s something fishy going on with my stool, chums.

Wet and Wild Water thing – Winner gets to be on a cover of a WWE magazine special – Torrie Wilson vs. Candice Michelle:

– Candice’s hair is straight now.. looks great. So there’s water balloons and water guns in the ring. They’re both in white tanktops and shorts.

– Candice can’t get her gun to work, and then can’t hit the broad side of a barn with a water balloon. So she hits a splash off the second rope with balloons lodged in both of their cleavage.

– Candice gets irish whipped and she trots as softly into the turnbuckle as Orton did earlier in the night. Torrie dumps a bucket of water on Candice and hits a facebuster for the win.

Masturbation fodder. Fun, I guess. But I mean, would it kill them to train these people? How much better would it be if they were this hot and could wrestle up a storm, too?

Winner: Torrie Wilson

We see a clip of Trish hosting a Canadian awards show. “Mummy” star Brendan Fraser’s Canadian? That explains SO MUCH. Trish kissed Pamela Anderson on the lips on this show. Shoot.. she looked like she did some fun stuff at this thing.

We see a replay of Torrie chucking some water balloons at JR. JR is in very good humor while watching the replay.

Very laid back show so far tonight. I was expecting a blitz like last year, where the WWE loaded up the Vengeance PPV to make sure ECW didn’t outshine them. Which to me is another reason why ECW could be a very good thing for pro wrestling.

Back from COMMERCIAL-O, JR says that RVD is the new champ, despite the fact that his win was pretty controversial. We see clips of the match. They show full motion video of the match. Usually they only show stills to encourage replay buys.

There’s an AxE ad right after a Tag ad. Clearly we men live in the age of the body spray. You can look like you didn’t comb your hair, but only if you used gel to make it look that way.

Gauntlet Match – HHH vs. Spirit Squad:

– All right! Cena’s in the main event! 10 PM is the time to play the Game, for once.

– Vince comes out on the ramp and tells the ref he can leave. He shows us a clip of when the Squad beat down HBK. And the subsequent PILLMANIZATION~~.

– “HHH” chant, loudest the crowd’s been all night. HHH is taking on these guys one on one in succession. There’s no ref, though. So Vince just calls the guys to the ring as things look bad for the last guy.

– As it’s 4 on 1, an “HBK” chant breaks out. The beat-down is brutally dull. Vince wants the squad to put the chair around HHH’s neck. He calls out the 5th squad guy, but HBK is here and makes the save.

– HBK, in a ballerina’s top, rushes the ring to save his lion-like former partner. Their gaze meets in the middle of the beatdown. HBK encourages HHH to put a squad guy’s head between his legs. HHH does. Their foes dealt with, they go face-to-face sharing words, millimeters away from tonguing each other.. then they turn to the crowd and ask them to “suck it”. HHH, excited, exposes his bare ass and offers it in Vince’s direction. HHH wraps his arms around HBK from behind as they express jubilation. Vince bites his lip and looks on, forlorn, as the two burly men flex their muscles, one behind the other, celebrating their renewed partnership.

Can we get another diva match, please?

Winner: Raw Finish(c)

We see a clip of what we JUST SAW. As we see HBK jog to the ring again, Ross points out that “HBK’s knee must be taped”, as the squad had “destroyed his knee” just a few weeks ago. In the back, Vince books DX vs. the Squad at Vengeance. That’s a MUST-MISS, friends!

Hacksaw Jim Duggan vs. SAMOA FUCKING JAMAL:

– Eugene accompanies Hacksaw to the ring. Umaga breaks Duggan’s 2 by 4 over his head and the crowd doesn’t care. THUMB TO THE NECK!

Crowd reaction: DEAD SILENCE.

Winner: Umaga

Umaga ties Eugene in the ropes and Armando mocks him a bit. Umaga hits the dreaded ass to the head on Hacksaw and Eugene is weepy. Huh.. so is Eugene going to snap? That’d be cool.. I should note that a few fans chanted “one more time” after Hacksaw took the ass to the face.

We see a video of Rob vs. Cena, and this one does acknowledge the anti-Cena sentiment and cuts out on the big spots like the E normally does. Huh.

Vince wants every cent he can get out of his “marks”. More See No Evil hype.

What the… it’s Foley! He’s got a heck of a shiner, courtesy of one Terry Funk, no doubt. His eye is yellow, purple and red, even. Wow. Uh oh.. is this gonna be a Mick lashing-out-at-the-fans-for-not-giving-him-a-reaction promo? Mick says he’s starting a new chapter in his career. He’s the human muppet again. Wait.. no! FLAIR! Flair hits the ring.

Ric says he wrestled his way to greatness, while Mick just jumped off a cage. Mick says that to the wwe fans, Ric will never be in the same league as Mick. They go on and on, but just can’t get this crowd into it. What is going on? Maybe the fans just DO NOT want to boo Mick Foley. These two agree to a 2/3 falls match for Vengeance. Not for Summerslam.. Vengeance. In TWO WEEKS. What kind of build-up is that? Damn.. these fans just don’t have any love for this. Geez.

Shelton Benjamin joins the announcers wearing clothes The Rock would wear. He has a gold medallion on and his IC title is on his shoulder – “the only gold around here these days”, he points out, heh.

Johnny Nitro vs. Carlito:

– Carlito and Nitro open up with a surprisingly quick and smooth sequence.. crowd has no reaction. Shelton calls Carlito beating him “A blind squirrel finding a nut” hahaha. Wow, Shelton’s getting his stuff together, huh?

– Shelton cleverly helps Nitro avoid the.. lungcracker as Melina distracts the ref. Nitro goes for a standing SSP but barely grazes Carlito’s giant hair. He covers for the 1, 2, 3 anyway.

NO REACTION. What’s the deal with these Raw crowds?

Winner: Nitro

GRISH is with Mickie James. She points out that everyone who messes with her gets injured, heh heh. Ashley.. Trish.. and now Beth Phoenix. Mickie says she grew up with Beth, and they were friends until Beth became really mean. OK then. And here’s Randy Orton. Mickie leaves. Randy says Vengeance is his destiny. Right…

The Highlanders are in Times Square. They don’t know what a garbage can is for. So apparently they’re time travelers or something. Vince is really turning up the dial on the cheesy 80’s crap, huh?

Lita is in the back, and relieves Maria of her interviewer duties. She introduces Edge. Edge says he’s going to go to the ECW show tomorrow on Sci Fi. Lita makes a Vulcan nerve pinch gesture and makes a funny noise, hah hah. I am totally a Lita fan. Edge plays it off like she’s a little whacked.

It’s 10:59 PM EST right now. Is my clock broken or something? Is this Edge/Cena match going to go one minute or what?

ECW wrestlers pull an XPW and have tickets for the front row. It’s three thrilling wrestlers: Stevie Richards, Justin Credible and Ballzzz…zzz…

Edge vs. John Cena:

– The match goes about 30 seconds, then Lita climbs on John’s back and the ref calls for the bell. The ECW guys attack and Cena lays them all out. Crowd seems mostly pro-Cena, hard to tell though.

Winner: Raw finish©

John grabs a mic and says he’s going to show up at ECW tomorrow. Now see, it’s going to be different. That ECW show will be in front of Smackdown fans, not the rabid fans who were at the Hammerstein last night. Cena might just get cheered. Heck, the fans might just take a dump on the entire ECW show.

OVERALL: A hype show for a rushed Vengeance and ECW’s new show. I don’t know what is going on with the crowd noise on Raw lately, but it’s much much lower and it’s hurting the shows IMO. At times, it’s dead quiet. This show had very few redeeming qualities. It’s a ONE out of FIVE.

Match of the Week: Rob Van Dam vs. John Cena – a SPECTACLE. Right up there with Rock/Hogan in terms of heat.

Show of the Week: ECW One Night Stand – Blows everything else away in terms of pure excitement. This show makes Raw in particular look really slow, dumb and dull.