Worth Your Wealth? 08.18.08: WWE Summerslam

Hello again, 411 readers! “The One-Man Ratings Booster” here with another edition of “Worth Your Wealth?”! The idea is that you spend your hard-earned dollars on wrestling on a monthly basis, and I want you to know whether or not you’re getting your moneys worth. So read on and see if you’re investing wisely of if your cash is going to waste as this edition of…

Presents:

First, as always, we start off with our super-scientific formula for calculating the projected worth of each part of the show. Keep in mind I round things to the nearest nickel, so as not to piss myself off. Oh, and for the purposes of this column, I don’t have HD and neither do you.
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P = 2(A)x + 1.5(B)x + 1(C)x + 0.1(P)

Ten-percent of the PPV price accounts for non-wrestling related activities, such as in-ring promos, backstage segments, video packages, etc. Aside from that, A B and C represent the different classes of matches on the card:

Class C: Filler matches with little to no solid build behind them.
Class B: Secondary, but still significant matches that were well-promoted prior to the show.
Class A: The main event, as well as other high-profile, heavily promoted matches on the card.
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The Breakdown (as I see it):

Class C: MVP vs. Jeff Hardy, Mickie James and Kofi Kingston vs. Beth Phoenix and Santino Marella, and Shawn Michael’s Big Announcement.

Class B: Triple H vs. The Great Khali, CM Punk vs. JBL, and Mark Henry vs. Matt Hardy.

Class A: John Cena vs. Batista and The Undertaker vs. Edge.

The Calculation (as the universe sees it):

40 = 2(2)x + 1.5(3)x + 1(3)x + 0.1(40)
40 = 4x + 4.5x + 3x + 4
36 = 11.5x
x = 3.15

The Result (as you will see it):

Class A: $6.30
Class B: $4.75
Class C: $3.15
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And now, THE GOODNESS!

Bonus Materials – Price Tag: $4.00

Great video packages this month, but little else to talk about. We got one backstage segment featuring Beth, Santino, Maria, and Santio’s unibrow. This was good stuff and provided another opportunity for Santino to do the only thing he’s really good at – act like a cockbag.

The video production this month really sold me, primarly the Edge/Undertaker package. Props also go to the WWE Production team for editing the HHH/Khali footage to make the recap look like Khali was a beast that Triple H stood little chance against, as opposed to what we actually saw on Smackdown! the last few weeks.

Overall Value: $4.00

MVP def. Jeff Hardy via Pinfall (Drive-By Kick) – Price Tag: $3.15

Good choice for an opener, although I really expected more from this. I’d imagine perhaps this is leading to another match, possibly including Shelton Benjamin and his US Title. I also had issues with the fact that MVP was seemingly one step ahead of Hardy for a lot of this match and still only managed to squeak out a win following the distraction by Shelton. This match wasn’t a bad opener, but I think given the participants we could have seen some much better stuff.

In other news, MVP really needs a better finisher. Granted the newly-coined “drive-by kick” is better than the Playmaker, but it’s still underwhelming.

Overall Value: $3.15

Winner Takes All – Intercontinental and Womens Championship: Santino Marella and Beth Phoenix def. Kofi Kingston (c) and Mickie James (c) via Pinfall () – Price Tag: $3.15

I’m really torn here. Beth is freakin awesome and justly deserves another run with the Women’s title, but can ANYBODY argue that Santino is deserving of the IC strap? Oh well…

The match itself was interesting and Santino’s involvement was kept to a minimum. The guy is great on the mic and sells well, but my god is he dull to watch in the ring. And that singlet also sucks.

The women starting off was fast-paced, but seemed sort of sloppy. Things picked up when Kofi came in to beat the crap out of Santino, and I have to say I enjoyed the finish. Mickie got her revenge on Santino with a sick primal DDT, only to fall victim to the might of the Glamazon. Santino’s post-match celebration was dangerously close to being too much, but it fits his character well.

Overall the match was much more about the storyline and, I would guess, furthering the feuds for next month.

Overall Value: $3.15

Shawn Michaels announces his retirement, Rebecca Michaels gets cold-cocked – Price Tag: $3.15

God bless the fans in the crowd who actually thought HBK was retiring. I knew as soon as I saw Shawn’s wife out there with him that she wasn’t just there to play the sympathy card while he retired. Michaels cut a touching promo here, discussing all of the innovations he’s been responsible for, putting over his family, and saying he has no regrets.

Cue Jericho, who is out for blood and demands that Michaels admit that HE was the one and only reason that HBK must retire. Michaels admitted the fact, but really stuck it to Jericho by telling him he would still never be Shawn Michaels. Cue the attempted cheap shot, which accidentally caught Rebecca Michaels in the face (quite legitimately, from the looks of it). Michaels was twitching with rage and Jericho’s expression was perfection. Props to Mrs. Michaels for taking that hit.

This whole thing came off very well and I cannot wait to see where this takes us. Jericho is in for a world of hurt!

Overall Value: $3.15

ECW Championship: Matt Hardy def. Mark Henry (c) via DQ (Bullshit) – Price Tag: $4.75

Seriously? 20 seconds of action followed by a DQ finish? Really WWE? REALLY?!

How much of a bitch does Mark Henry look like? Not only did he take a Twist of Fate in less than 30 seconds, but he then got his ass kicked post-match too. And then as if bitching out Henry wasn’t bad enough, they bury Matt Hardy as well by having Jeff run out to make the save, and play HIS music when the Hardys stand victorious.

Everything about this was awful. Good thing they made that shiny new belt for ECW just so they should shit all over it.

Overall Value: $0.25

World Heavyweight Championship: CM Punk (c) def. JBL via Pinfall (GoToSleep) – Price Tag: $4.75

I was really counting on this to be the match that finally gave CM Punk some credibility as a champion. Everybody knew heading into this that JBL wasn’t going to win, but CM Punk needed to pull out a hard-fought victory here to save his title reign from becoming a full-blown Rey Mysterio abortion.

Punk and JBL worked hard here, but honestly, JBL shouldn’t be in the ring anymore. You gotta give the guy credit for trying, but he just can’t do this shit anymore. He’s gold on the mic, but his matches since returning have left MUCH to be desired.

On top of that, Punk and JBL unfortunately knocked heads, causing CM Punk to bleed from the back of his skull and seemingly forced them to cut the match short. Overall, the match wasn’t terrible, and it still came off as Punk working hard to defend his title. Still though, the seemingly sudden finish hurt the flow, and JBL being as sluggish as he is didn’t really mix well with Punk in my opinion.

Overall Value: $4.00

WWE Championship: Triple H (c) def. The Great Khali via Pinfall (Pedigree)- Price Tag: $4.75

I was honestly shocked to see this match come off as well as it did. I had guessed that this would be a match full of Triple H underselling and then winning via DQ because Khali acts like an idiot.

Don’t get me wrong, this wasn’t a masterpiece, but it worked for what it was. Khali dominated early and looked to be in control with the vice grip, although I think ultimately Triple H was able to hold on a lot longer than he should have before managing to escape the hold.

We all knew where this was heading, Triple H surviving the onslaught and miraculously hitting the Pedigree to retain. There’s no doubt that Khali is a hard worker, but I still kinda wish he would just go away. They’ve used up his appeal and he hasn’t got anything to fall back on anyway.

Overall Value: $4.00

FIRST TIME EVER! – Batista def. John Cena via Pinfall (Batista Bomb) – Price Tag: $6.30

Hot damn, I’m shocked there wasn’t some sort of No Contest finish here. Honestly, I was surprised by this whole match. Nothing against Cena or Batista, as I like both as workers, but I was very concerned that they would go light in this match to save the intensity for the eventual rematch (especially if it’s indeed going to be at Wrestlemania).

That said, I was happy to be proven wrong and enjoyed the hell out of this thing. These guys threw everything they had at each other and still could not keep each other down. Signature move after signature move and the match continued. Cena and Batista did a phenomenal job of selling the intensity of the match and had the crowd eating out of the palm of their hands.

What’s more, as I mentioned above, I was THRILLED that we got an actual finish to this match. Cena kicked out of the first Dave-bomb, Batista lost his effing mind, kicked him in the head, and planted him again. This was good stuff, and honestly the only complaint I have is that they threw it away on an overly mediocre Summerslam card.

Overall Value: $7.50

Hell in a Cell: The Undertaker def. Edge via Pinfall (Tombstone Piledriver)- Price Tag: $6.30

Was there ever any doubt that this match would be fantastic? Undertaker/Edge has been, by far, the feud of the year in my book. How many times have these guys gone one-on-one on PPV this year and still they continue to keep things fresh and interesting.

Taker looked like he never missed a beat and I’m absolutely THRILLED to see diabolical madman Edge finally kick cowardly pussy Edge to the curb. A lot of people, myself included, have unfairly judged HitC matches in the past based on whether or not there is action on the roof of the cage. This match changed my mind, I couldn’t have cared less if they climbed the cage because they were too busy doing everything else.

There were almost too many disgusting spots in this match to count, from the spear through the cage to the spear onto the announce table to the phenomenal top-rope Chokeslam spot.

If I had one complaint, it was that Edge spent seemingly WAY too much time digging shit out from under the ring and setting it up. The tally I think was three tables, two ladders, and two chairs before he actually did anything with any of it. They could have probably spread this out, but this is minor.

I have to wonder now if this feud is officially over. And if not, where do we go next? Honestly, I’d almost be happy to see these guys wrestle each other on every PPV at this point. Yet another fantastic main event between these guys to close out a show.

Overall Value: $8.30

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The Final Tally:

Overall Price Tag: $40.00

Match of the Night: Hell in a Cell: The Undertaker vs. Edge – 132% Value ($8.30 worth, $6.30 price tag.)

Trash of the Night: ECW Championship: Mark Henry vs. Matt Hardy – 5% Value ($0.25 value, $4.75 price tag.)

Overall Value: $37.50

Resulting PPV Rating: A (94% Worth)

Closing Comments:

A very satisfying show considering there was a match that was nearly worthless. The co-main events saved this show, hands down. Edge and Undertaker delivered yet another amazing match and Cena and Batista tore the roof off the place. Combine that with a mostly acceptable undercard and you’ve got the best all-around show thus far.
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Year in Review:

1. WWE Summerslam – A (94% Worth – $37.50 / $40.00)
Match of the Night: Hell in a Cell: The Undertaker vs. Edge – 132% Value ($8.30 worth, $6.30 price tag).

2 (tie). TNA Victory Road – A (93% Worth – $28.15 / $30.00)
Match of the Night: World X-Cup 12-Man Tag Team Elimination match – 144% Value ($3.25 worth, $2.25 price tag).

2 (tie). WWE Night of Champions – A (93% Worth – $37.20 / $40.00)
Match of the Night: WWE Championship: Triple H vs. John Cena – 111% Value ($7.00 Worth, $6.30 price tag).

4. WWE Backlash – A- (90% Worth – $36.25 / $40.00)
Match of the Night: World Heavyweight Championship: The Undertaker vs. Edge – 101% Value ($7.00 Worth, $6.90 price tag).

5. WWE Judgment Day – B+ (89% Worth – $35.65 / $40.00)
Match of the Night: Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels – 114% Value ($5.95 worth, $5.20 price tag.)

6 (tie). WWE One Night Stand– B (86% Worth – $34.35 / $40.00)
Match of the Night: World Heavyweight Championship TLC Match: The Undertaker vs. Edge – 112% Value ($7.75 worth, $6.90 price tag.)

6 (tie). WWE Wrestlemania 24 – B (86% Worth – $47.25 / $55.00)
Match of the Night: Career-Threatening Match: Shawn Michaels vs. “The Nature Boy” Ric Flair- 116% Value ($8.00 worth, $6.90 price tag).

8. WWE Great American Bash – B (84% Worth – $33.70 / $40.00)
Match of the Night: NYC Parking Lot Brawl: John Cena vs. JBL – 121% Value ($5.75 worth, $4.75 price tag.)

9. TNA Slammiversary – B (84% Worth – $25.20 / $30.00)
Match of the Night: X-Division Championship: Petey Williams vs. Kaz – 111% Value ($4.50 worth, $4.05 price tag).

10. TNA Lockdown – B (83% Worth – $24.95 / $30.00)
Match of the Night: TNA World Heavyweight Championship: Kurt Angle vs. Samoa Joe – 116% Value ($5.00 worth, $4.30 price tag).

11. TNA Sacrifice – C (74% Worth – $22.15 / $30.00)
Match of the Night: X-Division TerrorDome – 100% Value ($3.25 worth, $3.25 price tag).
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And with that folks, we’ll see you next time with another edition off…