WWF Prime Time Wrestling (5.1.1989) Review

-Originally aired May 1, 1989.

-Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby Heenan. No Holds Barred is coming soon, in case that slipped past your radar.

ROCKERS vs. BORIS ZHUKOV & GEORGE SOUTH
-Zhukov looks so strange as an interchangable jobber. Rockers whip Boris into his partner to clear the ring. Boris knees Janetty in the back from the apron and gives South an opening to hammer him down. Jobbers attempt some double-teaming, but Shawn Michaels sneaks in for a neat spot where he comes to Marty’s rescue and presses him onto both opponents. Janetty works the arm on South until Boris finally tags in and promptly hits the post shoulder-first.

-Double clothesline by the Rockers, but Shawn gets caught in the jobber corner and takes a beating for a moment until South accidentally knocks his partner off the apron. Missile dropkicks by both Rockers finish South off, and Shawn Michaels celebrates and he’s not wearing a cup or jock strap.

-Heenan goes on an awesome rant about how the Rockers don’t worry him or the Brain Busters. “Worrying is for you white sockers out there that can’t make the payment on your ’65 Plymouth.”

UPDATE
-Last week, Brutus Beefcake went and picked a fight with Sherri for no reason and got his ass knocked out. Sherri putting her hands on her hips and calling Brutus “Mr. Smarty Pants” is pretty funny. We get words from Brutus vowing revenge, if it’s the last thing he ever does. I love how focused this company is. They have nearly five months between PPVs at this point, but we’ve just finished Wrestlemania V and we have already started work on the Summerslam main event.

MR. PERFECT vs. JOSE LUIS RIVERA
-This is weird, they give Perfect a new look at Wrestlemania V and rebrand him, but then Prime Time keeps showing us these months-old matches with his original look where he’s billed as Curt Hennig.

-Perfect slams and hiptosses Rivera. Rivera hiptosses him back and slams him, and Perfect ends up on the floor. Back in, Rivera gets him on the mat for an armbar. Perfect comes to life with chops and boots. Sleeper by Perfect, but Rivera slumps into the corner and dazes him. Irish whip, with Perfect taking a glorious bounce off the turnbuckles. Honestly, Irish whip bumps need to be an Olympic sport.

-Atomic drop by Rivera, but Perfect ducks a dropkick and finishes with the Perfect-plex. Good enough for government work.

No Holds Barred, the WWF’s answer to The Gong Show Movie, is opening soon! Gorilla says he’s impressed by the versatility that Hulk shows in the clips he’s seen so far. Bobby says that the movie has more action than any film John Wayne ever made.

JIM “The Anvil” NEIDHART vs. TONY SUBER
-From Superstars. Anvil chops and hammers Suber as we get words from the Barbarian, who wants a piece of the Anvil. Can they just TRY with one of these post-Wrestlemania mid-card feuds they’re building. We’re going on three or four weeks now and guys cutting promos where they announce “I am now feuding with this guy.”

-Meanwhile, a powerslam. Anvil wins.

SPECIAL INTERVIEW
-Gene Okerlund talks to Hillbilly Jim. He accuses Honky Tonk Man of faking his guitar playing in his entrance theme and says he’s a better dancer than Honky too.

-Gorilla cruelly tantalizes us by speculating us this is going to lead to a ho-down contest. Sadly the feud never really got going, as Big John Studd is going to quit the company in a few weeks and Hillbilly Jim took over Andre-fighting duties for the summer.

-A poem from The Genius, giving some interesting background to the character, as he downplays all of the ivy league universities and explicitly states where he earned his fictitious Ph.D: Lincoln University. Now we just need to figure out which one.

FABULOUS ROUGEAU BROTHERS vs. KOKO B. WARE & SCOTT CASEY
-Koko starts with Jacques. Koko goes for a backdrop, but Jacques lands on his feet and showboats for a bit. Koko gets frustrated and starts to clean house, clearing the ring with slams and dropkicks while Scott Casey comes in and whites up Koko’s victory dance.

-Rougeaus take over with double-teaming and an abdominal stretch, and sadly, neither Tony Schiavone nor Lord Alfred Hayes possesses the necessary acumen to weigh in on Jacques’ proficiency with the hold. They choke out Koko with the tag rope. Hot tag to Scott Casey, which felt damn weird to type, but he gets overwhelmed and falls victim to Le Bombe De Rougeau for the Fabulous victory.

EVENT CENTER
-Brain Busters make their case for being the best tag team in wrestling, while Big John Studd says he left the WWF for two years to devote himself to weightlifting.

JAKE “The Snake” ROBERTS vs. CHRIS DUFFY
-Strange thing, the human mind. I leave the apartment without whatever thing I need to take to the post office, but to my dying day I will always remember that Chris Duffy was Friar Ferguson’s opponent for his debut the night after Wrestlemania IX. I hate you, human mind.

-Duffy gets knocked to the floor as we hear from Ted DiBiase, warning Jake that he’ll have the last laugh. Duffy continues to have a bad night. Short clothesline, DDT, Damien. Nice variation on the post-match visual, with Jake first sticking Duffy’s head in the bag and shaking vigorously.

DEMOLITION (Tag Team Champions) vs. RICK MITCHELL & JIM CHAPPEL
-You can tell this is an edited version from the WWE 24/7 days because they have a gigantic lower-third graphic at the bottom of the screen just to hide the initials WWF during Demolition’s entrance. Twin Towers have some threatening words for Demolition while the Demos clubber Chappel. Mitchell tags in and Demolition hits the finisher right away like someone is holding their places in line for No Holds Barred.

BROTHER LOVE
-The Bushwhackers are here with an enormous bowl of sardines and snack on them while Brother Love complains about the smell. Brother Love keeps sniffing at his rose to deal with the odor from the sardines, and the Bushwhackers get so fed up with Brother Love’s whining that Butch just eats the rose rise off his jacket and give him a sardine bath, stuffing his pockets with them and dumping the juice on his head. Kudos to Bruce Prichard for being committed enough to slip on the juice and do a pratfall even though he’s on carpet.

-Bobby reports that a friend of his in the movie theater business has told him that people are trying to book advance reservations for No Holds Barred.It is so weird to hear Bobby trying to maintain character while shilling his ass off for this movie.

INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE: RAVISHING RICK RUDE (Champion, with Bobby Heenan) vs. HERCULES
-The Ravishing One’s first title defense, from Wrestling Challenge. Rude wastes time posing and Herc just axehandles him on the back of the head. He rams Rude from turnbuckle to turnbuckle and heads to the top, connecting with a double axehandle for two. Powerslam for another two. Suplex by Hercules, which Gorilla proclaims to be “Suplex City.” Series of clotheslines by Herc, and a backbreaker, as this has just been a total squash match for Herc. Bobby trips him from the floor and suckers Herc into chasing him. Herc grabs his chain and shoves the referee during the chase, getting himself DQed. Weird match, as Rude just looked like a totally hopeless jobber.

-In the studio, Bobby says the match didn’t matter because it was non-title. They implied at the start of the show that it was a title match. Glasses pushed, arms folded.

EVENT CENTER
-We get words from the Twin Towers and Slick, and apparently, Slick and Akeem’s outfits both caused havoc for the green screen because they don’t even get a pretty logo for the background like everyone else. Next, we get a weird promo from Rockin’ Robin. It’s the same promo word for word that she cut last time except this time she says “magic carpet ride” correctly. So it looks like they accidentally aired take 1 and this week they’re airing take 2.

DINO BRAVO (with Jimmy Hart) vs. BRIAN JOHNSON
-From Superstars of Wrestling, it’s Jimmy’s first TV match in Dino’s corner, although Dino is still sporting his New Dream Team look. Inverted atomic drop by Dino, followed by a big elbow. Airplane spin by Dino, and the worst side suplex he has ever executed finishes.

THE WARLORD (with Mr. Fuji) vs. MARK MING
-Warlord tackles THE MONSTER MING…well, maybe not…and rams him into the corner. Back suplex and a running powerslam finish with ease.

RED ROOSTER vs. MIKE WILLIAMS
-Brawler drops in to promise he’s just going to keep beating Rooster up night after night. Rooster makes short work of Williams, finishing with the chicken wing.

-Gorilla weirdly announces that the loser of the next match, which is “unprecedented in the World Wrestling Federation,” even though that’s how Gorilla went from wrestler to commentator.

LOSER MUST RETIRE: RUGGED RONNIE GARVIN vs. GREG “The Hammer” VALENTINE (with Jimmy Hart)
-Valentine backs Garvin into the corner and elbows him repeatedly. It turns into a chop battle, and a big right hand gives Garvin a one-count. Garvin goes for a piledriver. Valentine backdrops out but Garvin turns that into a sunset flip for two. Garvin rolls him up for another two. Valentine is getting nervous at this point and backs into a corner to stall. Garvin lights into him with more chops, and an elbow gets two. Valentine takes control briefly but heads to the top and gets slammed off. Garvin stomp looks like it’s going to finish Greg off, but Valentine cradles Garvin with a big handful of tights to get the three-count, and Ronnie Garvin must retire. More of a story than a match, as they wanted to drive home the idea that Valentine didn’t deserve this so Garvin just totally dominated him.

-Valentine gloats in his post-match victory as we watch Garvin do his sad walk back to the locker room, and that’s it for Ronnie Garvin’s career…right?

5.5

The final score: review Not So Good

The 411

Total squashfest but at least it moved at a good pace.