Double M’s Rasslin’ Report 10.21.06

Raw, I’m gonna give it to ya with no trivia. Heya and welcome to the Saturday morning news – part of the “clean-up crew” alongside Nick Marsico and Jeff Small Ryan Byers. We’re in for another week of fake sports news.

Actually, that sounded kinda pissy. Like I did last week. As this thing keeps mutating in an effort to “keep it interesting”, I have to say that, first of all, talking actual wrestling might help. Second, I need to quit being such a dick. Maybe.

You see, part of my good mood now is the fact that, by the time you read this, I’ll be in Atlanta at Six Flags. First time going to both, and I’m excited as hell. I missed SmackDown due to the drive to ATL and I missed ECW in lieu of VH1’s Hip Hop Honors. Glad My Favorite Writer™ is there to keep a brother informed.

That having been said, I don’t have time to do anything with Impact this week, so we get to go over Raw. If for no other reason than I got to see K-Fed catch an ass-whuppin’. My only regret was that Britney wasn’t there to catch one as well.

Message to Steve-O: just because you have a reputation for being crazy doesn’t give you liberty to disrespect your hosts on national TV. Umaga kicked your ass for a reason; learn what that reason is before you show your skinny ass on their stage.

Ditto Cryme Tyme. The two make a decent team, I have to say. Not great, but decent. I’m sure their backstage stuff is funny if they’d stop talking over each other for a minute so we can hear what they have to say.

For that matter, Edge and Orton made the best of a “parody the guys you’re feuding with” segment. JD Dunn made a great point – Edge and Orton, by way of being put together like DX originally was, have the chance to get over like nobody’s business.

All in all, Raw was more of the same…but better. Predictable? Sure, but this week out it made for good entertainment. Not bad at all.

Mail Call

A couple corrections that I’ll run together. First, from James H:

“Oh, and did anyone ever apologize for The Kat’s tit-flashing at Armageddon ’99?”

Yep, they did.

And the difference with the Regal thing is that it was full-frontal penis shit, unplanned. It’s like the difference on TV between saying “I’ll kick your ass” and “I’ll kick your fucking ass.”

It might be nit-picky but they had to apologize to cover their asses.

And then, from our own James Thomlison:

Hey man, JT here from the site. Usually, I love your work to death (and still do), but… couple of things I wanted to point out:

“I also notice that there was no mention of this on WWE.com (that I’ve seen, anyway).”

You said “that I’ve seen anyway”, so you lose no points there, but just wanted to say that it in fact was on the main site for a day or two and then was moved to Cena’s profile:

http://www.wwe.com/inside/news/cenacoldpizza

And secondly:

“Okay, I know this is another shameless publicity stunt. One of those “Hey, look! We did something outrageous and now we’re defending ourselves from an attack that’s never going to happen because no one cares” moments. Still and all, this has to be done:

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!!?

If you’re going to pull one of these stunts, the very least I ask is not to treat me like an idiot when you do. Doing this for something like a Katie Vick, or a Eugene, or a Mohammed Hassan is one thing because it’s something we haven’t seen before.

But nudity? Are you serious? How many women’s ? and other dudes’ ? bare asses have we seen over the years? How many people have joined Vince’s “Kiss My Ass” Club on regular cable TV? How many times did “Mr. Ass” flash us on the way to the ring? What state was Val Venis in during the notorious “I choppy choppy your pee pee!” segment? Oh, and did anyone ever apologize for The Kat’s tit-flashing at Armageddon ’99?

Right. Exactly. So why give a shit now? Why apologize now for something we’ve seen several dozen times over the last 8 years? Oh, right ? because the mainstream might give a damn if you make a big deal out of it all of the sudden.”

I feel you. I REALLY do. But, this was a COCK man. It was a man’s DICK on television. Not an accidental nip slip or a planned ass. This was a man’s “manhood” on live TV. So while I agree with you, we have never had a “dick on tv” situation and I believe that’s why they made the apology.

Either way, love the column, and if I’m babbling, disregard. Oh, and read HH of course 😉

Just so you know, I’m a big fan of the column man… us 411 writers have to stick together lol… I really do enjoy it. Keep up the good work man.

First of all, I want to thank both of these gentlemen for pointing out what I didn’t notice initially. I can usually handle being corrected (unless I’m in a REAL shitty mood, which I’m not at the moment).

In the WWE article on Cena, I notice there was absolutely NO mention of the X-Division belt that AJ carried, nor any explanation of why he “knew a thing or 2 about wrestling”. That’s funny.

Obviously, I didn’t see No Mercy and didn’t see any of the recaps mention a pecker; hence, the assumption that the apology was for Regal’s ass. (On a side note, I can’t even believe we’ve come to talking about nude dude parts in regards to wrestling, but such is the way it is.) Why they would put themselves in a position like that in the first place is beyond me, but so be it.

Okay, This Is Boring – What Else Is There To Read?

Keep an eye out throughout the column; they’re all sprinkled in. You probably already found a couple. Toldja I have to keep this interesting…

The Rest Of The News That’s Fit To Post

R.I.P. “Jumpin'” Jpey Maggs and Corporal Kirchner. Both rather young, the two perennial wrestlers passed away this week. Conjdolences are sent out to family and friends.

In what ought to be a decent move, Vince McMahon and the Weinsteins are getting in bed together. No, not like that, perv – WWE and Genius Productions, LLC (ironic on so many levels, no?) have inked a distribution deal for WWE DVD releases. This means that, hopefully, WWE will increase their output as far as getting some of that massive video library out, and the Weinsteins will take a cut off of some of that lucrative market. Everybody wins.

No sooner than he showed up to work with former partner-in-crime Michael Hayes did Jimmy “Jam” Garvin quite the SmackDown creative team. He probably took one good look at what he had to work with and decided, “I can’t do anything with this. Mike, it was good seein’ ya – look me up when you’re in Atlanta.”

I’m in agreement with The Elix Skipper to my Ron Killings (he has the talent, I’ve got the soul) about The Marine‘s poor box office showing – maybe this could help Vince see where his strengths (pro wrestling) and his weaknesses (every other mainstream venture he attempts) are and play to them. Accentuate the positives, hide the negatives, as Paul E once said. But then, Vince doesn’t listen to him, either.

If MavTV were on anywhere near my area, I would probably care that the network has added Deep South Wrestling to their programming. But they’re not, so I don’t.

2 Cold Scorpio will be debuting in WWE as Flash Funk when he gets back from Japan. I shoulda fucking known.

And finally, TNA is releasing a CD of entrance themes. Too bad I already have one of my own. With enough working knowledge of Temporary Internet Files, it ain’t that tough to do.

Happy Trails

Another one in the can. Until next week, you know full well to keep it here for the best independent pop culture coverage ANYWHERE. I’ll be part of that coverage again in 7 days.

L8. Thanks again for reading.

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