The Crystal Ball 10.25.06: Cyber Sunday

Once again, I have been blessed with a nearby WWE pay-per-view. I live in Lexington, Kentucky. Cyber Sunday is in Cincinnati, about an hour’s drive from here. Once again, it’s a Raw production, as was Backlash when they came here to Lexington, and once again, I am going to watch my second WWE pay-per-view live in person in just 6 months. Some might call me crazy. I just like to pretend that I am a fan. Speaking of pay-per-views and fans, I’m officially a true TNA mark now. We’ll talk about that later on. But right now, I’ve got something on my chest that’s bugging me about this Pay-Per-View.

The thing that has always bugged me about Cyber Sunday/Taboo Tuesday is the fact that the WWE “claims” to allow the fans to make their decisions. While this may true, the WWE is making fools out of all of those who vote on their website. Sure maybe the winner really is legit. But that’s usually because the WWE brainwashes its fans into making the selection they are prepared for.

Today, I am here to encourage you to really mess this thing up. The last 3 years I’ve watched WWE programming in October and for 3 years, I’ve been disgusted at how the WWE treats its fans like a bunch of gullible children. Taboo Tuesday/Cyber Sunday was created to please fans like us, us Internet dorks, but none of the results ever cater to what we really want to see. Either that or the options are so shallow that nobody in their right mind would vote for the latter.

Let’s take a look back at the first Taboo Tuesday. The first match that sticks out in my mind is the Eugene vs. Eric Bischoff match. Fans were allowed to “choose” what happens to the loser. Someone was either going to be a servant, which God knows what Bischoff would have had to do had Eugene won. Nobody wanted to see that nor did the WWE hardly make mention of it. Or someone was going to wear a dress…for all of 30 seconds. Again, the WWE did little promotion of this option, although it was humorous to see Coach wearing the dress. Or the winner was going to get their head shaved, which the WWE hammered into each and every one of its gullible fans. So Bischoff got his head shaved and to this day, continues to support the hairstyle that he came out of Taboo Tuesday with. Are you telling me that if Bischoff really did not want his hair cut, that he wouldn’t have grown his hair back by now?

Next up on that card that sticks out on my mind was the main event card where you were to choose Chris Benoit, a fan favorite but stale former champion, Edge, a whiney heel, or Shawn Michaels, considered God in some households. Even though HBK was injured, fans still voted for this and the outcome was going to be obvious. Michaels obviously had a bigger following and a bigger rivalry with Triple H than Benoit and Edge was a heel. Of course they aren’t going to vote for him. Once again, the WWE took advantage of your stupidity to create a “personalized” main event. Give me a break.

I had hoped that things would change at last year’s Taboo Tuesday, but things just got worse. The one match on the card that really mattered was Ric Flair vs. Triple H. Fans were being given the option of having the match be a regular match, a submission match, or a steel cage match. A regular match…are you kidding me? What’s the point of even offering up the vote if having a regular match is being considered? Why would anyone want to watch the same match they can watch on Raw? And a submission match? That’d be interested but Triple H tapping out as a heel is starting to lose its luster. Not to mention the fact that Ric Flair came out the Raw before Taboo Tuesday and BEGGED fans to get the steel cage match. Not that he needed to but this must have been because voting was getting closer than they liked.

And then there is this year’s Cyber Sunday. Once again, the WWE is trying to make the vote it wants to see obvious to all of its fans. Starting with Umaga. You can pick Benoit, Sandman, or Kane. Come on! Most fans are going to “feel sorry” for Kane who was sent to Smackdown because of Umaga just a couple of weeks ago. If you really want to mess this thing up and send a message for the WWE, vote for THE SANDMAN. Reason being, Umaga is probably going to win regardless. So you can watch Benoit job out to the big thumb, you can watch Kane get disqualified for going apeshit with a chair, or you can vote for The Sandman to beat the hell out of Umaga with a Singapore cane and anything else he can get his hands on. Vote for Sandman!

Up next, the Intercontinental Title match with Jeff Hardy. Once again, this past Raw, the WWE made it clear on who they want you to vote for, by not only using in ring feuding, but the use of commentary as well. Lawler and Ross both talked about how well liked Carlito was with the WWE fans and what an exciting match that would be. The other candidates, Shelton Benjamin and Johnny Nitro. Both heels. Do you think the dumb, gullible fans the WWE fans are aiming at are going to vote for a heel for a chance to win a title? I say vote for SHELTON BENJAMIN! Reason being, you get Carlito, you get the match they want. It probably wouldn’t even be that exciting. You get Nitro in there, you probably have to see Kevin Federline again. Not to mention that the WWE wasn’t even promoting Nitro in the tag match this week so most fans don’t even know he’s interested in the match. You get Shelton in there, he loses, and Shelton can hopefully continue his “held down by the man” gimmick and get him and his athletic ability on our TV’s again.

Up next is the Tag Team Title match with The Spirit Squad taking on Flair and a partner of our choosing. Once again, the WWE uses a sneaky tactic in suggesting its vote. During the recent melee on Raw, who was the last one out to get the biggest pop? Whose music was playing after the fight was over? Whose actions were being pointed out in the ring more than the others by Jerry Lawler? Dusty Rhodes. Rhodes hasn’t been in a fight in a WWE ring in years while fans are tired of Piper and Slaughter coming in and making their occasional appearances. Not to mention older wrestling fans are going to remember the classic matches between Rhodes and Flair. I don’t care who you vote for here, just don’t vote for Dusty. Slaughter makes the least amount of sense here, as I never recall the two of them wrestling.

Onto DX vs. Orton and Edge. Who would you rather see as a special guest referee? Coach? McMahon? Or the man who hasn’t been on your TV on a regular basis, Eric Bischoff? Who do you think they want you to vote for? Are stupid fans going to put McMahon in the ring so he can screw the funny, wacky, DX? Does anyone even care about Coach anymore? Or do you want to put Bischoff in there, who has a new book out and has been shoving it down our throats? Duh. You want to mess this up, Vote for COACH! He’s got no business with either team.

And finally, the Champion of Champions match. This MAY be the most legit and least obvious of all of them this year. It seems the WWE wants to put Cena’s title on the line, which makes no sense when trying to plea with “dumb fans”, given dumb fans love Cena. King Booker is the biggest heel on TV right now and the Big Show is playing a neutral role between the two, and nobody really cares about the ECW World Title right now anyway. There’s your vote. Vote for the ECW TITLE. It seems the WWE is aiming for either the WWE or World title to be defended. However, given Cyber Sunday is a Raw promotion, I would say they are leaning toward having Cena’s title on the line. The WWE has done everything possible to make Cena look like the new Hulk Hogan, even though most fans are rejecting him. Having him win the Champion of Champions match would just be another way of getting Cena shoved down our throats. If his title is on the line, he’s going to win. Whoever has their title on the line, look for that person to win the match. I don’t think anyone can fathom the Big Show being the champion of champions, so mark it!

I don’t want Cyber Sunday/Taboo Tuesday whatever they want to call it next year to be cancelled. I want it to become more legit. Show me some results every week. Show me what’s in the lead so that if I don’t like the outcome, I can go vote and try to change it. Don’t make it obvious and don’t treat me like I’m a moron. When you see a Presidential debate, you don’t hear the moderator saying something like, well John Kerry is a good guy but George Bush is a Presidential Gawd! Give us something worth voting for and quit using us as an excuse to increase your website’s revenue.

Just to recap, here’s what the WWE wants you to vote for, and what The Crystal Ball urges you to vote for on this year’s Cyber Sunday Pay-Per-View.

What The WWE Wants:

Champion of Champions- WWE Title
DX vs. Orton/Edge- Eric Bischoff
Intercontinental Title- Carlito
Tag Team Championship- Dusty Rhodes
Umaga- Kane

What The Crystal Ball Wants:

Champion of Champions- ECW Title
DX vs. Orton/Edge- Coach
Intercontinental Title- Shelton Benjamin
Tag Team Championship- Sgt. Slaughter
Umaga- Sandman

Get out there and tell the WWE you aren’t a moron. That you are a smart wrestling fan and that you want REAL chances to vote for REAL options and REAL matches. This year’s options are so obvious even Eugene could figure it out.

Pardon my negativity.

Now that I’ve got that off my chest, I’m going to make the WWE hate me even more right now. But it’s more positive this time I swear!

This past Sunday I ordered my first TNA Pay-Per-View ever. I have to say that after Bound for Glory was over, I realized that I was looking more forward to watching Impact this Thursday than I was watching Raw, Smackdown or ECW. That was a first to me and I realized that TNA truly has established itself as the WWE’s biggest competition. Everything went the way I had hoped it would at Bound for Glory and they have set them up for a huge opening run on primetime next month. To me, this pay-per-view had the same feeling as watching Wrestlemania this past March. Every title was on the line. Every title changed hands. Fan favorites we hadn’t seen in a long time showed up. Everyone was able to make an appearance. This was fantastic. All I ask now is that TNA keep consistency in its storylines as they climb the next hurdle. I can’t wait to see TNA blow up in ratings over the next year. This has a better future than I ever could have imagined. If you weren’t already on the TNA bandwagon, then now is the time to jump aboard because this train is taking off quickly.

With that, I bid you farewell this week. I was originally supposed to have you another interview with OVW standout Boris Alexiev. Due to some technical issues in the emailing process, I’ve had to postpone this for at least a couple of weeks. Look for this to happen soon though.

Next week, make sure you join us as The Crystal Ball turns 1! Yes! I’ve officially been doing this for a year now! It’s hard to believe! So make sure you join in and check out the anniversary issue of the Crystal Ball so you can see just how right I was over the past year. Until then my friends….

Quit Staring At My Ball!

And Quit Voting For What They Want!