wrestling / TV Reports

Csonka’s WWE Raw Review 2.08.16

February 8, 2016 | Posted by Larry Csonka

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MONDAY NIGHT RAW 2.08.16

OFFICIAL RESULTS
– Dolph Ziggler defeated Kevin Owens @ 11:05 via pin [***]
Non-Title Match: Champion Charlotte defeated Alicia Fox @ 5:20 via submission [*]
– Bray Wyatt defeated Ryback @ 6:53 via pin [**½]
– Adam Rose defeated Titus O’Neil @ 3:20 via pin [*]
– League of Nations defeated Lucha Dragons @ 5:40 via pin [**]
– Tamina defeated Becky Lynch @ 3:45 via pin []
Tables Match: Dudleyz and Usos defeated New Day and Mark Henry @ 7:30 [**]


– Oh God, we’re starting with a Daniel Bryan video package to start. THE FUCKING FEELS…

No need to worry about Bryan just yet, we got too much talking, a contract signing and Stephanie cutting balls off to deal with!: Stephanie tried to kick off the contract signing, but the crowd was chanting for Daniel Bryan. She did a fine job of letting the chant go on before moving on to business. Ambrose interrupted her and told her what we were all thinking, shut up and lets get to work. She tried to cut him off, and Roman made his way out. Stephanie joked about Roman interrupting her again, meaning that they know that they do that way too much. Stephanie tried to mind fuck Ambrose a bit by saying Roman always steals his thunder, and then Brock Smash arrived. They all signed the contract and Stephanie bailed. Ambrose bucked up to Brock, who tossed him into Roman, slammed the table into Roman to take him out, and then hit the F5 on Ambrose. LULZ BROCK SMASH. Triple H came out to laugh at them all. Side note, anyone else think that Reigns looks like a pussy week in and out as he is like, “Um Dean, Brock is really dangerous and is going to beat us up” and then Ambrose steps to Brock and says “fuck it, it’s a good day to die!” Anyway, when Brock smashes and leaves in about 10-seconds, it’s a fun time.

– And now a moment in Daniel Bryan history.

– Ambrose claimed he would get Brock before the night was over. Roman stood there and just shook his head in agreement, because he’s scared.

Kevin Owens vs. Dolph Ziggler… again: Since creative has no idea what to do and fears giving people momentum, these two have faced off the last two weeks, with each man winning. So we’re here again. I would actually care about this, but WWE creative has tricked me so many times into believing that they would do something with Ziggler and then screwed the fanbase that when his music hits I can’t possible muster a single solitary fuck to give. They worked through the commercial, and they are working hard here and I want to get into this, but I have no faith in the creative. They teased a double countout spot following a fameasser on the floor. Back in, Owens missed the cannonball in the corner and Ziggler stacked him and used the ropes to score the win. Owens threw fit post match, and rightfully so, as Ziggler celebrated. I am not quite sure what they’re going for here. Ziggler of course won in a heel way, but Owens wasn’t portrayed as the wronged party and he threw the same kind of fit he’s done before. They seemingly have no idea what to do with these guys. I guess Owens wins next week on Raw and they have the best of five tie breaker on Fastlane in a match with some sort of stipulation. It was actually a good and enjoyable match, but WWE trying to get too cute to cover up their lack of creative is disappointing.

– They announced a New Day vs. Usos tables match with no build, because why not.

– And now a moment in Daniel Bryan history.

– The Usos are doing some face paint when the Dudleyz come in to visit them. The Dudleyz feel that they deserve the tables match and pimp the WWE Network. The Dudleyz then say they should team to face the New Day, meaning that the faces want to have the unfair advantage. So they promoted a match, then immediately changed it, and then seemingly made it a match where the faces will go four on three, putting the heels (who are more facelike anyway) at the disadvantage in the babyface role? Yes I know they will get a mystery opponent but WHO BOOKS THIS SHIT? I figure it’s leading to a Dudley heel turn and possible big cluster tag down the line, but it feels so awkward.

Non-Title Match: Champion Charlotte w/Ric vs. Alicia Fox: This is out Smackdown replay match of the week. These two had a really clunky match. It then went from clunky to boring, and the crowd entertained themselves by chanting for the Seahawks. Charlotte worked a long head scissors after the skull fucker, Fox then made a comeback and the crowd got into that a bit. He then again got clunky on Fox’s near fall and Charlotte’s sloppy spear. The figure eight finished it. Charlotte winning was the right call but this felt to long, it lacked a solid flow and was very sloppy at times.

– The Dudleyz and Usos will face New Day and a mystery partner later in the show in a tables match.

Miz TV is Still a Thing: Miz complained about the way AJ Styles acted on is show lack week, and then preached about what he did for Daniel Bryan, and said he could have done that for Styles. Trying to be Cool Uncle at a High School Party Jericho interrupted, and said he wanted to turn the show into the Highlight Reel. They did a quick makeover, and turned the show into the Highlight Reel. I did laugh when Jericho brought in the stool and plant given to him by Reigns and Ambrose to complete the look. Miz was actually really good here complaining about AJ knocking his teeth out, and how it took his “celebrity dentists doing around the clock emergency surgery” to save the money maker. Miz also got back at Jericho for his mockery by reminding him that Styles beat him in his Raw debut. Style then made his way out, which allowed Miz the chance to attack Jericho. Styles made the save and worked with Jericho to clear the ring of Miz before having a standoff to hype their match on Thursday. This of course led to a brawl, Miz pulled Jericho to the floor and Miz got his ass kicked again. Some fun promo work, Miz got his ass beat for being a smart-ass and nice hype for Jericho vs. Styles, this was an overall good and enjoyable segment.

– We see Ambrose pacing backstage.

– And now a moment in Daniel Bryan history.

Bray Wyatt w/Swamp Monsters vs. The Ryback: The Ryback called himself “Stone Gold Ryback” earlier this week, which made me laugh, but I dig the new gear. Ryback controlled early, using his power game. He then headed to the top, got distracted and dropped to the floor, allowing Wyatt to take control as we went to a commercial. Post break Wyatt was in control until he posted himself. Ryback used the Cm punk style knees in the corner and then hit a cross body and spinebuster for a near fall. But when he went for the meat hook, Wyatt hit Sister Abigail for the win. That was a nice finish to a rock solid match. Post match the Wyatts attacked and beat down Ryback. Strowman took him to the floor and slammed him to the apron and steps, and then Wyatt hit one more Sister Abigail on the floor to close the deal.

– And now a moment in Daniel Bryan history. I AM THE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!

– Big E shined up a table backstage and sang a song, as Woods did calculations on where to put someone through a table later tonight. Renee arrived and asked if they found a partner for tonight’s match, they haven’t but they will. They are great men.

– Dean and Roman met backstage. Dean gives no fucks about Brock, he just wants a piece tonight. Reigns then says he wants to help, but Dean wants to do this on his own.

Titus O’Neil vs. Adam Rose w/Dallas, Axel and Slater: The Social Outcasts cut a wacky promo before the match. O’Neil tossed around Rose to begin and then beat him down in the corner. Rose eventually avoided, and took control. We got Seahawk chants again, because they do not care. O’Neil eventually made his frantic comeback, but the Outcasts pulled Rose to the floor. O’Neil took them out, but then Rose got a roll up off the distraction for the win. It existed.

– Dean Ambrose walked.

– And now a moment in Daniel Bryan history.

Dean Ambrose Is Here And He’s Really Mad: Ambrose hits the ring and mocks Lesnar for his F5 from earlier, noting that it was supposed to hurt and keep him down. Hw then challenged Lesnar to come to the ring and do it again. Ambrose even said that Lesnar was going soft and couldn’t get it up for the big fight and said Heyman held his balls for him. Lesnar finally arrived, and looked amused that Ambrose called him out. Ambrose attacked Lesnar on the floor and they brawled. Lesnar took control and delivered knees and slammed Ambrose to the barricade. Ambrose is being booked as not afraid of Lesnar, which is awesome, but why are they booking Reigns as if he is afraid? Anyway, Lesnar tossed him in the ring and just beat his ass, but Ambrose kept getting up. Lesnar finally hit the F5 and left Ambrose laying. As Lesnar left, Ambrose started to get up and called Lesnar back to the ring; this did NOT make Lesnar happy. He returned to the ring and then Reigns appeared. Lesnar was fixated on Reigns, and Ambrose then low blowed Lesnar and bailed. He had a tough time walking to the back, and dropped to the ramp as Reigns called him crazy. I love that Ambrose is showing no fear, but it feels as if Reigns is the odd man out here and that no one cares. He just stood there, and didn’t even look as if he wanted any of Lesnar.

Lucha Dragons vs. League of Nations (Rusev and Del Rio) w/Barrett: Cara controlled early on, but then Del Rio tagged in and took control of things. League of Nations worked over Cara as the crowd chanted for Lana. The League of Nations worked quick tags and kept the heat on Cara, it was fine overall but there was no investment from the crowd during this time. No one cared for Cara, and no one was chanting for Kalisto to get the tag. At about four-minutes in we finally got a “lucha” chant and Kalisto got the tag, and then people woke up as the US Champion ran wild on Del Rio and scored a near fall. Cara took out Rusev, but Del Rio countered the Salida del sol and set Kalisto on the ropes. Barrett distracted Kalisto, allowing Del Rio to hang him in the corner and hit the double stomp for the win. I HATE that finish because the guy has to hold himself up for Del Rio to hit the move, I have hated it the whole time, and it continues to look worse each time out. This wad a solid match (with the expected distraction) to get Del Rio a win heading into the PPV.

– R-Truth walks, and Goldust appears and tried to talk him into being his tag team partner. Goldust was dressed as Jimi Hendrix, and smashed a guitar. Security took him away.

– Sasha Banks is out to do commentary.

– And now a moment in Daniel Bryan history.

Tamina w/Naomi vs. Becky Lynch: Lynch and Banks will face Tamina and Naomi at Fastlane. Lynch controlled the first minute or so until Naomi distracted Lynch, and Tamina took control. Lynch fought back at times, but either Tamina would cut her off or Naomi would offer a distraction. Tamina yelled a lot and worked a really slow offense. She then yelled at Banks, and then Naomi attacked Banks and slammed her to the steps. Lynch made a comeback and then went to the floor and saved Banks and hit an XPLODER to Naomi on the floor. She then ran into a superkick and Tamina picked up the win. The in ring was basic, and largely fine, but at the same time not particularly good. Also, the distractions would mean so much more if we didn’t see them all the damn time.

– New Day spoke to their possible mystery partner backstage, and Mark Henry accepted. He wanted to play “that trumpet” and Woods reluctantly let him play, badly. Woods then played for them as they danced.

Tables Match: Dudleyz and Usos vs. New Day and Mark Henry: The Dudleyz and Usos cleared New Day to the floor and worked over Henry. We got dives from the Usos and then went to a commercial about a minute into the match. New Day and Henry controlled post break, but they told Henry what to do one time too many and he got pissed off and left. Ok then. The Dudleyz and Usos did the double wazzup head butt spot and then called for the tables. Kofi and Big E fought back, but they ate superkicks from the Usos. Woods also ate superkicks as the Usos continue to be a Young Bucks cover band. The Dudleyz then put Big E through a table to pick up the win. One of the Usos was selling an injury and then the Dudleyz turned heel and attacked the Usos. They put Jimmy through a table with the 3D, and then got another table and did the Superbomb on Jey. The crowd chanted for the Dudleyz and ECW, which really hurts the idea of a heel turn. Also, considering that the Usos have been getting boo’d as of late, the idea of turning heel on them wasn’t the best of ideas. Considering that the Dudleyz are simply a nostalgia act that has no momentum, there wasn’t really much to do with them. And thus begins out build to a bi gold tag team cluster fuck for Mania.

Daniel Bryan: Goodbye, Farewell and Amen: Bryan made his way to the ring and got a hero’s welcome. He was very emotional and had to take time to compose himself before he could speak; the crowd just kept cheering for him for nearly five-minutes. He said he‘d never forget the feeling of the crowd’s reaction. He joked about shaving his beard and cutting his hair, and then said he cut his hair for Wigs for Kids (they make wigs for kids with cancer). He said he didn’t want to be doing this, but he has been wrestling since age 18, and suffered three concussions in the first few months. He had more through out the years, and it adds up. He’s to the point where they told him he can’t wrestle anymore. For a long time he fought that because he had a ton of tests that said he was fine. He wanted to come back and if WWE needed him he would have come back; he has loved this in a way he has never loved anything else. But a week and a half ago he took a test that said he wasn’t as ok as he thought; he has a family to think about and he wants to have kids soon, the crowd chanted YES and he said that’s what Brie says all the time. They then chanted “that’s what she said.” He then officially announced his retirement. But if there is one thing he has felt, it has been gratitude. He got to do what he loved for 16 years. He loves the Seahawks, he loves the feeling right before his music hits, the reaction of the fans, hitting the ropes and diving out of the ring because he felt like Superman. He loves the fact that he wrestled in parking lots and in front of over 70,000 people and met the most amazing people on this planet like Kane, William Regal, children who are stronger than he thought anyone could be like Conor, he is grateful. Wrestling doesn’t owe him anything, nobody owes his anything because he love this. And the fans got behind him in a way he never thought possible at his size. They supported him and made him feel like more than who he was. A little over two years ago in this arena, you guys hijacked Raw. All of the former champions were here, but you guys wouldn’t stop chanting. But that’s not why he is grateful, his dad was sitting in the crowd where the guy in the goat mask is, and his dad got to see that. That was the last time his dad got to see him wrestle and the fans made it special for his dad and for him and his family. He is grateful because of wrestling he got to meet the most wonderful woman in the world. She’s beautiful and smart and completes him in a way he did not think possible, and that is because of wrestling. He is grateful to be in front of these fans, to announce his retirement in front of people that love him, and he can share this with his mom, sister, his family, his friends and the fans and his friends that he has spent the last 15-years with. He is grateful. Tomorrow he starts a new life, a life where he is no longer a wrestler. But that is tomorrow. He has one more night to feel this crowd, so if he can get on last yes chant, he would appreciate it. The crowd chants as brie comes out to the ring. They embrace as the crowd chants and he then goes to his mother and family to embrace them. The man was a class act to the end and that was the most emotional segment in the history of Monday Night Raw. I wasn’t sure that anything could pass the Flair retirement segment, but this did it for me. It was real, it was emotional and a perfect send off for the man.

– This show was about the goodbye of Daniel Bryan, so there will be no final write-up or score for the show. Take the criticism above as is, and we’ll be back to normal next week.

– Make sure to check out my Daniel Bryan column I wrote earlier today.

– End scene.

– Thanks for reading.

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“Byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyye Felicia!”