Dark Pegasus Video Review: Andre the Giant (DVD)

This is just an old Coliseum retread from the days when Andre was a novelty babyface act.

Andre the Giant (DVD)

Your hosts is Lord Alfred Hayes.

Hayes opens with a story of picking up a 17 year-old Andre for a show back when he was 6’10” and 290-pounds.

Andre the Giant vs. Moondog Rex.
This is from the old Spectrum. Hayes’ voiceover covers the entire match in lieu of commentary. Rex is future Demolition Smash #1 and Nightmare Randy Colley. He goes after Andre’s eyes, but Andrew reverses a whip and sends him to the corner. A hard chop sends Rex down to the mat. He drops Rex with a boot and splashes him for the win at 1:49. Total squasheroo. 1/4*

$50,000 Battle Royal
Let’s see. You’ve got Andre, Snuka, Studd, Slaughter, Patterson, Hogan, Orndorff, Murdoch, Belomo, the Sheik, Tiger Chung Lee, Alexis Smirnoff, Les Thornton, Mascaras and Santana among others. Andre goes right after Studd. Sheik bails out and sneak attacks Murdoch. Hogan is champ at this point, going after Studd too. Lee and Orndorff team up against Patterson. Hogan nearly goes out to the HORROR of the crowd. Slaughter saves and teams up with Hogan against the furreners. Sarge gets eliminated and brawls with the Sheik on the outside. Sheik and Studd team up against Hogan as Andre squashes Smirnoff. There goes Snuka. Hogan picks up Studd, but Sheik makes the save. Orndorff backdrops Santana to the floor. Adonis and Murdoch team up against Andre, but he just shoves them away. Hogan and Studd brawl on the floor. There goes Orndorff and Mascaras via Andre. Hogan tosses Sheik. Hogan eliminates Studd, so Studd grabs on to him while Adonis and Lee sneak up and eliminate him. Lee and Murdoch team up against Patterson while Smirnoff and Adonis take off Andre. Patterson tosses Lee much to the consternation of Dirty Dick. Adonis jumps Patterson from behind, leaving Andre to take on Murdoch, Adonis & Smirnoff. Smirnoff tries a charge while the other two hold him, but Andre boots him and eliminates him with an atomic drop. Murdoch jumps on Andre’s back, but Andre throws him to the floor. Adonis fires away, but Andre whips him to the corner, and Adonis Flair Flops to the outside, giving Andre the win around 10 minutes in. More star power equals an above-average battle royal. **3/4

Handicap Match: Andre the Giant vs. Black Gordman & the Great Goliath.
Chavo Guerrero Sr. is on commentary here. Andre was so dominant that the WWF had to even the odds a bit. Andre accepts a handshake because he lives by the Code of Honor and all. Of course, he crushes their hands and sends them to the outside. Andre was just starting to deteriorate to the immobile guy you probably remember. Andre presses Gordman and sets him on the top rope. Then he slaps Gordman so hard, Black falls out of the ring. The heels team up to take Andre off his feet, but Andre shoves them away and headbutts Gordman. Gordman finally gets smart and sneaks in a foreign object. Andre shrugs it off and puts them in a double bodyscissors. Andre presses Goliath onto Gordman and sits on both of them for the win at 6:52. Mostly comedy spots as the heels had no chance. 1/2*

Handicap Match: Andre the Giant vs. Jack Evans, Johnny Rodz & Joe Butcher Nova.
I shouldn’t have to tell you that Jack Evans is not the one you’re probably familiar with from RoH. The heels try to triangulate, but Andre shoves them all in the corner and squashes them. Evans goes for a leg, but Andre spanks him, giving Vince the opportunity to work in “kiester.” He works in the double bodyscissors to a slam and then a double monkeyflip. They all pile on, but Andre pushes them off and rocks Rodz’s world with a bell ringer. Andre eventually stacks everyone on Rodz and squats down for the pin at 3:53. There’s a sort of perverse joy involved in watching the heels’ Keystone Cops routine. 3/4*

Boxing Match: Andre the Giant vs. Gorilla Monsoon.
This is bad footage from Puerto Rico. It doesn’t take too long to see this is worked because Monsoon takes a right and just turns his back and walks away like a staggered Flair. Monsoon reels against the ropes as the first round ends. The next round sees Monsoon get a knockdown on Andre. Andre finally gets fed up and headbutts him. Andre buttsplashes him as Referee Joe Walcott cracks up. Andre knocks Monsoon down with a roundhouse that looked like it missed by a mile. Monsoon gets saved by the bell again. The third round begins with Monsoon pummeling Andre against the ropes and refusing to back off. Andre suckerpunches him as the ref is admonishing him, and Monsoon is out at 5:13 shown. After the match, Andre knocks Monsoon into a big wet tarp and chases his trainer out of the arena. [NR]

Jimmy Snuka & Andre the Giant vs. The Wild Samoans (w/Lou Albano).
See, Snuka is a “good” Samoan (even though he’s Fijian). The Samoans, Afa & Sika, are bad Samoans. As with all Andre matches, his partner starts and gets pummeled. The Samoans take turns chopping Snuka about the head and neck. Andre charges in but gets escorted out by the referee. The formula of the match basically goes 1) Snuka gets his ass kicked, 2) Snuka gets in one move and goes for a tag, 3) One of the Samoans cuts him off at the last second. Repeat as needed. Finally, Snuka rolls under a double clothesline and dives into the tag, and the place ERUPTS! Andre stacks the Samoans in the corner and does the football sled drive. Even Andre can’t resist the Siren’s song, though, and he tries a headbutt on Afa. It staggers both of them. Sikia gets knocked to the floor, but Andre knocks Afa down in the middle of the ring. Snuka gets the tag and delivers the Superfly Splash off of Andre’s shoulders for the win at 9:05 (12:51 announced). This was always how Andre was best used. Let the babyface partner get killed until Andre gets the hot tag and destroys the heels. **1/4

Andre the Giant vs. The Masked Superstar.
The Superstar is Bill Eadie (Ax of Demolition). They do a lot of stuff to establish that Andre is, in fact, a giant and is much more powerful than Superstar. Andre goes after the mask, causing Superstar to bail out. Back in, Andre drops down and lets Superstar run into his ass. Finally, Superstar gets Andre down on the mat with a shinni no make (Cobra Clutch). Andre powers out and headbutts Star. He tosses him into the ropes and gets a big boot and a buttsplash for the win at 6:50. *3/4

Big John Studd & Ken Patera (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Andre the Giant & S.D. Jones
This is a pretty famous match for reasons you’ll see in a moment. You probably remember Jones as the guy who got squashed by King Kong Bundy at the first WrestleMania. That was Andre’s first mistake. Heenan stops to jaw with Hillbilly Jim, who is in the audience. Studd and Patera keep Jones isolated for the first part of the match. S.D. eventually gets a headbutt and tags Andre, but Patera backdrops Jones to the floor where he hits his head on the railing. That makes it a 2-on-1 for the rest of the match. Patera and Studd team up to slam Andre and don’t even heed the ref’s count. He finally calls for the disqualification at 3:53. But that’s not the important thing. After the match, Patera and Studd knock Andre out, and Heenan hands them a pair of scissors. They proceed to cut Andre’s afro off as Vince McMahon screams, “They are raping Andre the Giant of his dignity.” The Heenan Family leaves Andre laying with a sharp trimjob. Of course, the WWE would repeat this angle in 2004 with Kurt Angle and the Big Show with Michael Cole repeating the Vincism verbatim. Not much of a match, but a great, historic angle. 1/4*

Andre the Giant vs. Ken Patera (w/Bobby Heenan).
So now Patera has stirred up a hornet’s nest. What on Earth would make Patera think picking a fight with Andre was a good idea? Patera stalls forever. Every time Andre tries to lock up, Patera jumps to the outside to talk things over with Heenan. Heenan, though, absent-mindedly leaves his hand on the apron while talking with Patera, so Andre steps on it. Finally, Patera gets back in, and Andre chokes him with his bear hands. Then, he chokes Patera with his own tights! Patera stops to offer a handshake. Andre, of course, has none of it and rips through him like Kleenex at a snot party. Heenan gets desperate and grabs a pair of brass knuckles out of his pocket. While Andre is arguing with the referee, Heenan climbs the ropes and comes off the top with the knuckles into the back of the Giant’s head. That’s enough for the disqualification at 8:09. After the match, Andre catches up with Heenan and paintbrushes him across the face. He whips Heenan and Patera into each other repeatedly. This was booked exactly as it should be with Andre just tearing right through Patera and getting a piece of Heenan too. Of course, there was still one more member of the family that Andre had to get revenge on. **

From Tuesday Night Titans (Vince McMahon’s old talk show), Vince tells Andre that Heenan has laid out a challenge — if Andre can slam Big John Studd, he’ll get $15,000. If he can’t, he has to retire. When Vince implies Andre is scared, Andre hauls him up by the tie and says no one calls him a coward.

$15,000 Slam Match: Big John Studd (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Andre the Giant.
This is from WrestleMania I. Michael Cole & Tazz substitute for the original commentary. Take that, Jesse. If Andre can slam Studd, he wins $15,000. If not, he retires. Studd jumps him at the bell and lays into him with forearms. Andre comes back with a chop and a headbutt. Studd falls to the outside. Back in, Andre starts choking him. Studd makes the mistake of going for a bodyslam. Andre leans into him with a bearhug. Andre drops that and beats him around the ring for a while. Studd tries to counter a backdrop with a kick, but Andre grabs his leg. Andre kicks him a few times and slams him quickly for the anti-climactic win at 5:56. Heenan sneaks in and grabs the money away from Andre and heads to the back. 3/4*

The 411: If you're a true wrestling fan, you really should see Andre's babyface career in the WWF. It's not exactly workrate friendly, but who cares. This is how you book a monster babyface. Thumbs up for old schoolers.
Final Score:  6.5   [ Average ]