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The Name on the Marquee: Smoky Mountain Wrestling (9.18.1993)

May 28, 2016 | Posted by Adam Nedeff
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The Name on the Marquee: Smoky Mountain Wrestling (9.18.1993)  

-Let’s try this one again. I had just typed this review and was all set to upload it when suddenly my laptop had to be checked into Our Lady of Best Buy for emergency surgery, and this episode’s review didn’t survive.

-Originally aired September 18, 1993.

-We’re in Oakwood, VA.

-Your host is Dutch Mantell in a tux, gleefully opening the show by calling it “wrestling the way I like it.” He introduces the NEW commissioner of Smoky Mountain Wrestling, Jim Cornette, who announces that as his first official act in his new office, he has fired Bob Caudle.

-Dutch draws the Beat the Champ name out of his top hat, and Jim Cornette is dismayed that he draws Robert Gibson.

BULLET BOB ARMSTRONG vs TERRY FUNK (with Jim Cornette)
-Joined in progress. They’re slugging it out on the floor, which Terry wins until Armstrong rams his face into the post. Back in the ring, Armstrong locks on a sleeper and Funk is fading until Dr. Tom Pritchard shows up. This match turns gloriously overbooked as one by one, the Heavenly Bodies, the Armstrong Brothers, the Bruise Brothers, and the Steiner Brothers all show up, and we have multiple brawls happening on the floor while Armstrong maintains his focus on Terry Funk.

-Funk is out cold and Armstrong goes for a pin, but Cornette pulls a foot under the ropes to break the count. Armstrong gets distracted by a Bruise Brother. Funk gets his bearings but accidentally knocks the Bruise Brother off the apron. Cornette runs in and tries to attack with the tennis racquet, but Armstrong catches him and yanks off Cornette’s neckbrace. Armstrong lays a beating on Funk and goes for a piledriver while the referee is distracted, but Funk sneaks up with his branding iron and knocks out Armstrong for the three-count, which makes Jim Cornette the new commissioner of SMW.

-Cornette and Funk gloat in the locker room about the favor they did for the morons in Tennessee by getting rid of Bob Armstrong. Thank God and thank Terry Funk, too, they say.

-Cornette announces that as his next official act, there’s nothing he can do about events already scheduled, but going forward, IQ tests will be required for attending SMW shows, which means most of the fans in attendance tonight are seeing live wrestling for the last time ever.

-BIG APPLE GRAPPLE TICKETS ARE AVAILABLE! Your weird main event: Applebrawl, a battle royal…winner gets $5,000, last man eliminated gets tarred and feathered, and because Jim Cornette can’t legally get out of any rulings that Bob Armstrong has already made, he MUST compete in Applebrawl.

-We take a look at footage from a recent WWF event. The Steiners successfully retain the WWF Tag Team Titles against the Headshrinkers. Heavenly Bodies & Jim Cornette show up after the match for a brawl. It goes the Steiners’ way until Cornette blinds Scott with powder and lays some vicious racquet shots into both of them. Bodies absolutely maul the Steiners from that point while Cornette dispenses the referee. Heavenly Bodies leave the arena with the WWF Tag Team Title belts, and the crowd is pretty shocked by how decisively the Bodies handled them.

-Cornette and the Bodies gloat about how the Steiners lost the title in their very next match because they were so badly injured. We get words from the Steiners, who promise they’re coming to SMW and they’re bringing their pitbull Arnold. Why didn’t the Steiners’ dog ever show up in the WWF? It’s such a WWF thing. Cornette is scared of getting rabies, but Jimmy Del Ray promises that they’ll have their own personal dog catcher standing by at the big event.

-Cornette starts to throw it to commercial, but a panic-stricken Dirty White Boy shows up wondering if he’s seen Mr. Wright. He hasn’t seen or heard from him in three days, they were supposed to meet up outside the arena before the show but Mr. Wright didn’t show up.

-Hype for a big house show in Barbourville, Kentucky, with Subway providing FREE FOOD, HOLY CRAP! I don’t even care what the card is! Tammy Fytch walks in, almost in tears because she just found out that Tracy Smothers is going to bring Sherri Martel to ringside for his upcoming match with Brian Lee. “She’s ugly and she’s going to be mean to me!”

-We go to the Bruise Brothers defending the tag team gold in Kentucky with Jim Cornette in their corner, because Kevin Sullivan has left and we need to pretend that whole angle didn’t happen. Bruise Brothers do Large Hairy Twin Magic behind the referee’s back, but then the Rock & Roll Express instantly connects with a double dropkick and pin the wrong man, winning the gold.

-We go to Dutch, who’s with Cornette and the Bruise Brothers. He scolds them for wasting too much time hanging out with Kevin Sullivan and not enough time preparing for that match. They’re on probation now, and Cornette says they need to prove themselves to get off the shitlist.

BABY BONNET MATCH: “Suicide Blonde” CHRIS CANDIDO (WWA Champion) vs ROBBIE EAGLE
-If Candido wins, he can take off the baby bonnet.

-Hiptoss and a slam by Eagle, and Candido is already in tears because he was expecting jobber Eagle to be an easier match for him. Candido gets to work with a boot and a gutwrench as Cornette announces the new SMW hotline.

Dutch: “Was the hotline your idea?”
Cornette: “Uh…YEAH!”

Candido tosses Eagle out to the floor and bodypresses him from the apron. Back in, Candido fires off right hands and sets up for a Suicideplex. As he does so, Tim Horner shows up at ringside and puts on Candido’s boa and WWA title belt. Candido freaks out and chases Horner around the ring to get them back—getting hilariously blown up and pausing for a rest in the middle of a lap—and doesn’t notice the referee counting him out, which means he’s stuck for another week.

-Some nice logic after the bell, as evil commissioner Jim Cornette doesn’t wave his magic wand and fix this for the heel. Cornette basically says that the stipulations that led to Candido having to wear the baby bonnet happened before he was in charge, so there’s nothing he can do about it, and Candido truly is stuck with the bonnet.

DOWN AND DIRTY WITH DUTCH
-The Rock & Roll Express are here to celebrate their big victory and recapture of the tag team gold. They ask the Armstrong Brothers to come out because they have something important to say. The Armstrongs come out and the Express explains to the fans that the Armstrongs were supposed to have a title match against the Bruise Brothers, but then the Express won before they had a shot at it. So the Express graciously issues a challenge to the Armstrongs. They accept the offer and shake hands. Dutch tries to stir shit between the teams, saying that belts worth having are belts worth fighting dirty for. Armstrongs and the Express don’t take the bait, though, and they walk away promising to shake hands after the match no matter who wins.

“Wild Eyed Southern Boy” TRACY SMOTHERS vs GATOR MCALLISTER
-Smothers attacks right away with fists and a backdrop. Elbow off the ropes and a corner splash. Enziguiri by Smothers, and the jawjacker finishes.

-We go to pre-taped words from Sherri Martel, who’s coming to the Parade of Champions to take care of a little Bi…er, witch, named Tammy Fytch. Sherri says she invented Mean, and she’ll do anything to help a friend like Tracy Smothers.

-Dutch talks to Tracy Smothers. He promises that he hasn’t forgotten about Dirty White Boy, and he’s going to take care of him as soon as he’s left Brian Lee and Tammy Fytch laying.

-Bobby Blaze is here, and he’s wearing the U.S. Junior Heavyweight Championship that he won in a recent tournament in Columbus, Ohio, defeating top competition including Jackie Fulton and Jushin Thunder BULLSHIT, no, you did not beat Jushin Liger in a tournament in Columbus, Ohio. Come on, give us a LITTLE credit.

-Chris Candido interrupts and accuses Blaze of having a fake championship belt and challenges him to a match, sweetening the deal by offering to put the WWA Championship on the line. Bobby Blaze laughs in his face and says the WWA Title wouldn’t get 39 cents at the recycling center, even if you threw in a bottle and six aluminum cans.

BEAT THE CHAMP TV TITLE: “Gigalo” JIMMY DEL RAY (Champion, with Dr. Tom Pritchard) vs ROBERT GIBSON (with Ricky Morton)
-Gibson starts off hot with forearms and headscissors. Del Ray gets free, but Gibson turns an attempted clothesline into a shoulderblock and hiptosses Del Ray into position for an armbar. Del Ray slams Gibson down and gets greedy, going for a moonsault right away, but he crashes. Gibson goes for a roll-up, but Pritchard connects with a right hand and knocks him off to break the pin. Pritchard gets into an argument with the referee while Ricky Morton sneaks in to help with a double dropkick, and Gibson gets the pin and captures the title.

-DWB still can’t find Mr. Ron Wright…but suddenly out he comes with Brian Lee and Tammy Fytch. Tammy says that she and “Ronny” talked it over and they agreed that it would be better of Ron Wright moved in with them so he can get his neck rubs and his medication as he needs it. They promise to take good care of Mr. Wright. To be continued…

7.0
The final score: review Good
The 411
Another good week for setting things up, as a couple of hot angles are clearly on the horizon as a result of all of this. In a just world this promotion would have got more attention because this is all really well-booked.
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