The New Year’s Revolution 2007 Breakdown

New Year’s Revolution 2007
by J.D. Dunn

January 6, 2007

Live from Kansas City, Mo.

Your hosts are Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler.

Opening Match, Intercontinental Title, Cage Match: Jeff Hardy vs. Johnny Nitro (w/Melina).
JR notes that the Intercontinental Title has only changed hands twice in a cage match. One was Tito Santana vs. Greg Valentine because that was when Valentine lost the title and smashed it against the cage in a tantrum, allowing the WWF to create a new design for the belt. They take turns slugging it out. Hardy hits his gun packet dropkick, but Nitro comes back with his (by way of Low Ki) springboard spinkick. Jeff hits a sleeper drop and goes for the door, but it’s way too early. Melina gets in shriek #1. They struggle on the top rope, and Jeff hits a weird perpendicular dropkick, jumping off one set of ropes and hitting Nitro at a 90-degree angle. Nitro whips him into the corner, but Jeff puts on the breaks and starts to climb the ropes. Nitro catches up with him and backdrop superplexes him to the canvas for the first double KO spot! Nitro catches him going up again, but Jeff counters to a Side Russian Leg Sweep for the second double KO spot. They go up again, and Nitro hits a sunset flip powerbomb off the top of the cage! CRAZY! Nitro goes up and gets his feet caught in the bars at the top of the cage. Jeff tries to yank him off again, but Nitro is stuck, and Jeff crashes and burns. Jeff recovers and tries to go up, but Melina whips his fingers with her belt. Nitro is able to hit a missile dropkick. Nitro goes up again but gets caught with a powerslam. Jeff hits the Swanton! ONE, TWO, THRE-Nitro gets his foot on the ropes. Jeff hulks up and backdrops Nitro. Nitro blocks a charge and goes up as King speculates on his condition. JR counters that he doubts “Jeff could pass an Army physical himself.” Yeah, I don’t think that’s the only thing keeping him out of the Army. Jeff catches up with him and goes for the Twist of Fate off the top, but Nitro hangs on to the cage, and Jeff crashes and burns again. Nitro goes over the top as Melina tries to block the cage door. The ref pulls Melina out of the way, and Jeff dropkicks the door open, crotching Nitro on the cage door. (tiny Daffy Duck voice): “mother.” Jeff falls to the floor at 14:41. Nearly as good as the ladder match last month but with a few more valleys in the action. Jeff and Nitro are on a roll, and it’s time to elevate them for once instead of shuffling them back down the card. ***1/2

Todd Grisham asks Rated RKO why things are so personal between them and DX. Wow, Todd doesn’t even watch any more. Orton actually gets in a good rational explanation in that they want to preserve their own careers and they can’t do that with DX hanging around.

Tag Team Turmoil:

The Highlanders vs. The World’s Greatest Tag Team.
The Highlanders doubleteam Haas early. Charlie avoids a charge and tags Shelton. TWGTT gets the AWA Special as Ross talks about Haas planning on going to Notre Dame before they dropped their wrestling program so he went to Seton Hall, triggering some great inside dialogue between Ross and Lawler about Lawler’s rape accusation. The match breaks down after one of the ‘Landers gets the hot tag. The ref gets distracted, allowing Shelton to springboard up and superplex on of them for the win at 5:02. Hey, if Ross & Lawler aren’t paying attention, why should I? 3/4*

TWGTT vs. Hacksaw Duggan & Super Crazy.
The fans chant for Super Crazy off the bat. Duggan gets his shots in before tagging in Super Crazy. Oops. Crazy gets a standing moonsault, but Shelton tags him with a right from the outside, allowing Haas to get a German Suplex for the win at 2:23. 1/4*

TWGTT vs. The Strickland Propane Express.
Cade & Murdoch attack almost before their music starts. Cade powerslams Benjamin but takes too long gloating, and Shelton is able to pull him down into a rollup. The rednecks work in their atomic drop/running boot combo. Haas & Benjamin suddenly become the babyfaces. Shelton counters a suplex to a neckbreaker to get out of trouble. Haas gets the theoretical hot tag and clears house, hitting Cade with a T-Bone. Haas puts Murdoch in the Haas of Pain, but Cade comes off the top with an elbow and puts Murdoch on top to eliminate Haas & Benjamin at 3:37. *1/4

Cade & Murdoch vs. Cryme Tyme.
The Crooklyn boys clean house, and Shad windmills JTG onto Cade for two. The rednecks come back with their Veg-O-Matic move, and JTG plays face-in-peril. Nothing much happening. JTG gets his boot up to block a double-sledge, but Cade cuts off a hot tag. JTG slips out of a double suplex and tags Shad. Cryme Tyme blocks the high/low move from earlier and finishes Cade with a neckbreaker/Samoan Drop combo at 6:25. The right guys went over, but it might have been a better idea to go with two teams and actually build up a match instead of throwing these guys out there to die. It might be time to move TWGTT over to Smackdown, too, because they could be ripping it up with London & Kendrick. *

Vince McMahon and Jonathon Coachman gossip about Rosie O’Donnell and Donald Trump. Wow, this’ll age well when the PPV comes out on DVD. Vince books Rosie vs. Donald for Raw. Even Ron Simmons thinks that’s a bad idea.

Kenny Dykstra vs. Ric Flair.
Dykstra has adopted Flair’s entrance, which doesn’t look nearly as cool with generirock and a headband. He gets a pre-match promo where he reminds everyone that he’s 37 years younger than Flair! I feel old. Kenny knocks Flair down and mocks the strut, getting a nice “Kenny sucks” chant going. A dropkick knocks Flair down again, but Flair comes back with a chop. WHOOOO! Another chop sends Kenny to the floor, and Flair snaps Kenny’s throat on the ropes. Kenny yanks Flair to the floor and hits a suplex. Back in, Kenny goes to work on the back and puts Flair in the Boston Crab. Flair makes the ropes. Kenny charges but eats an elbow. Flair goes up and **GASP** gets caught. Kenny slams him of and hits a missile dropkick for two. Flair goes to the eyes and chopblocks Kenny’s leg out from under him. FIGURE-FOUR LEGLOCK! Kenny makes the ropes. Flair starts firing away with chops, prompting referee Mike Chioda to pull him back. Flair pushes Chioda aside, giving Kenny the opportunity to hit a low blow and small package Flair for the win at 10:00. **

In the back, Johnny Nitro ices his shoulder and crotch and promises that the Hardyz will pay. Melina goes to call Joey Mercury but runs into Victoria. Vicky wants to team up with Melina to win the Women’s Title and then give Melina the first title shot.

Women’s Title: Mickie James vs. Victoria.
Victoria shoves Mickie down and applies the bridging reverse chinlock. Mickie monkeyflips out of an armbar and hits a few armdrags, prompting Ross to think she might be watching Ricky Steamboat tapes. She goes for a rana out of the corner, but Victoria tosses her to the apron and boots her in the face. She gives Mickie a Snake Eyes on the barrier, but she stops to jaw with Lillian Garcia, allowing Mickie to roll her up for two. Victoria stays on top by tossing Mickie across the ring with a handful of hair. THAT BIOTCH IS KERRRAZY! The moonsault misses, opening a door for Mickie. Mickie jabs her way back and hits a double-chop. Maybe she is watching Ricky Steamboat tapes. She knocks Victoria to the floor where Melina runs down and offers encouragement. She offers more than that as she trips Mickie up from the outside. Victoria goes for the Widow’s Peak but gets distracted as Maria and Candice run down to take out Melina. Mickie is able to roll her up for two and counter a powerslam to a swinging DDT for the win at 6:50. Mickie’s 1950’s-style skirt really got in the way here as Victoria’s foot got caught in it on more than one occasion. WARDROBE PSYCHOLOGY~! Not bad for a woman’s match. *1/2

Non-Title: D-Generation X vs. Rated RKO.
This is non-title because championships are for suckers. DX attacks in the aisle, triggering a big brawl. Hunter backdrops Edge on the ramp, and Shawn tosses Randy into the steps. The match finally starts with DX isolating Edge. I’m guessing Shawn will Edge into the buckle, but Edge will move since the guy in Section 38 Row B could probably hear him call that spot. What do you know; that’s exactly what happens. Orton tags in but gets much more of the same. He gets busted open as Shawn legdrops him. Hunter pummels the cut to a big pop. Edge tries to knee him from behind, but Hunter no-sells. He goes after Orton, though, so Edge is able to clip his leg. You wonder if that didn’t start the injury that happened later on. It also gives JR to take his “no swearing” resolution (a running joke all night) to ridiculous extremes as he references “a one-legged man in a fistfight.” Shawn gets the hot tag, though, and cannonballs out onto the champs with a somersault plancha. Shawn tosses Edge in, but Randy grabs Shawn’s ankle, allowing Edge to spear him off the apron. Randy adds a belt shot. Hunter jumps Orton, but Shawn is already busted open. Shawn does his overly dramatic struggle to the ring and takes a Stretch Backbreaker from Orton. Shawn plays face-in-peril as the heels work over his back. Randy gets two off an arrogant cover. Rated RKO team up for a double backbreaker. Shawn fights out of a surfboard, but Edge boots him in the face. Orton stalks him for the RKO, but Shawn shoves him away. HOT TAG TO HUNTER! Hunter cleans house and hits a spinebuster on Orton, ripping his other quad. The match is derailed as no one seems to know how to improvise for the next few minutes. Randy gets a horrible RKO and turns around into Sweet Chin Music while gloating. That was both funny and awesome. Edge knocks Shawn to the floor and winds up taking the worst Pedigree ever. Randy runs in with a chair and then runs right back out with it. Shawn hits him with suicide dive and mercifully tosses the ref to draw a DQ (one assumes). No closing bell, but the whole thing was about 20:00. DX destroys Rated RKO with chairs. Randy is dripping blood. They take Edge & Orton to the announce tables. Edge gets a Pedigree (much better this time) while Shawn puts Randy through the Spanish table with an elbow drop. This was going quite well until the injury. I’m not sure why they had to bury Rated RKO here, but from the way the events transpired, it’s clear that’s what the match was meant for. Orton using the chair would have made perfect sense, but it would have prevented the big beatdown at the end, so he just looked like a spaz running back and forth with a chair in his hand with no idea what he was doing. ***

Todd Grisham gets a word with John Cena who mocks the concept of the pre-match interview before giving a more serious one.

Carlito (w/Torrie Wilson & Chloe) vs. Chris Masters.
These two get stuck with the Bermuda Triangle spot where all heat and crowd interest gets sucked in and mysteriously disappears. Masters shoves Carlito away but gets taken down. Carlito hits a bulldog for two. Masters comes back with a backdrop, but Carlito flips out of a backdrop suplex and hits a dropkick. Carlito busts out a double springboard moonsault block for two to get the crowd back. Masters goes for the Masterlock, but Carlito reverses to one of his own. Masters tosses Carlito backwards and stretches him across his back with a backbreaker. Carlito comes back with a springboard buttbump. Masters counters the reverse rollup with a handful of tights for the win at 5:59. I was expecting a Torrie turn here. *1/2

WWE Championship: John Cena vs. Umaga (w/Armando Alejandro Estrada).
Umaga charges, but Cena yanks down the ropes, sending him over the top. Umaga throws a tantrum until Estrada can calm him down. Cena tries to shoulderblock him off the apron, but Umaga no-sells and tosses him over the top. Back in, Cena charges but bounces off a shoulderblock attempt. Cena fires away with rights but runs right into a Samoan Drop. I guess they’re going for a Sting vs. Vader vibe here? Cena shoulderblocks him and sunset flips, but Umaga blocks. Cena avoids the buttsplash but collapses under a bodyslam attempt. Umaga gets two. Cena goes up and comes off the top with a crossbody, but Umaga catches him and hits a tornado uranage for two. Cena hits the Throwback, but Umaga no-sells and hits a spinning wheel kick. This is getting embarrassing. It’s like what would happen if you started a “Raw vs. Smackdown” match and left it running unattended while you went to answer the phone. Cena blocks a vertical splash with the knees but can’t get Umaga up for the FU. JR actually explains the psychology of why Cena could get Big Show up but not Umaga. That’s a welcome change. Things grind to a halt as Umaga grabs a trapezium hold. Finally, Cena avoids the second-rope Samoan Spike. Cena fires away with clotheslines but runs right into a chop that sends him flying through the air. Umaga misses a corner charge, and Cena hulks up with a spinning backdrop. Huge pop for Cena finally getting Umaga up. FIVE-KNUCKLE SHUFFLE! Cena can’t get the FU, though, and Umaga gives him a belly-to-belly suplex. The tree-of-woe headbutt sets Cena up in the corner, but Cena blocks a charge and rolls up Umaga for the win at 17:19. Hey, this really did feel like Sting vs. Vader. Umaga looked like an unstoppable monster until the end, and Cena looks lucky just to escape with his title. Definitely some good booking there. **3/4

Final Thoughts: Three matches near or above *** is pretty good, and everything that was supposed to be good was. Hardy and Nitro stole the show, and if the WWE is smart, they’ll find something for them to do other than keeping them in constant booking hell with one another. There was a fair amount of meaningless crap, though, bogging the flow of the show way down. It doesn’t quite ruin the show, but if they’d distribute the effort a little, they’d have much better shows from top to bottom.

Call it a very mild thumbs up.