The Shimmy 7.07.08: The Chris Benoit Report Card (Part Three)

Happy Monday, everybody. I hope everybody had a good ID4 weekend. For those of you that don’t know, and really I hope you do by now otherwise you are quite dense, this is the Chris Benoit Report Card (Part Three!) and it will be examining his PPV matches in the third year of this decade. OK, I’m running out of pleasantries and explanation so let’s get on with it, shall we?

WWE Title Match: Kurt Angle© vs. Chris Benoit (Royal Rumble 2003)

This is one of the greatest matches of not just 2003, but of all time. Everyone, EVERYONE knew that we were on the road to Kurt Angle vs. Brock Lesnar at WrestleMania XIX. There was no way Angle was dropping the title, this was merely the token Royal Rumble placeholder match until we reached our true destination. Benoit didn’t stand a chance here, it was stone cold fact. Then the match happened and guess what? You started to believe. Somehow, someway Chris Benoit might pull this match off. Hold after hold, counter after counter, Angle and Benoit went out there and put on a wrestling clinic. These two men had had some great battles in the past but nothing at this level. Even though Benoit eventually succumbed to the champion the crowd in attendance showed their appreciation by giving both men a standing ovation at the end of the match. Everyone that saw this match knew they were watching a part of history and they let these two warriors know just how much they appreciated the performance they had just witnessed. This is an all-time great match and a must see for any wrestling fan.

My Grade: A+

Handicap Match: Brock Lesnar & Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle & World’s Greatest Tag Team (No Way Out 2003)

This is a match that always annoys me that they never bothered to replace Edge once he was injured. They introduced Rhyno as Benoit’s new tag team partner the following week on SmackDown, why not have him return here? The match itself was fine but it was really just filler until WrestleMania XIX (like most of No Way Out that year). Angle needed to get his win to make you think he stood a chance at WrestleMania, which obviously meant he did not.

My Grade: C+

WWE Tag Team Title, Triple Threat Match: World’s Greatest Tag Team© vs. Chris Benoit & Rhyno vs. Los Guerreros (WrestleMania XIX)

I really enjoyed this match. A lot of people dislike it because they think it’s too short, but I think these six men worked very well with the time they were given. All six guys are incredibly talented (at least in tag team situations) and they were the top three teams on SmackDown at this time. Had the SmackDown Six Triple Threat Match at Survivor Series kept it’s time but followed this match’s pace it would have been the MOTYC that we all expected it to be. It’s also interesting to note that this was the only time Chris Benoit and Eddie Guerrero managed to compete against one another at WrestleMania.

My Grade: B+

Six Man Tag Team Match: Chris Benoit, Rhyno, & Brian Kendrick vs. John Cena, Johnny Stamboli, & Chuck Palumbo (Judgment Day 2003)

Eclectic bunch, huh? Benoit and Rhyno were feuding with the FBI at this point, with Benoit still pissed at Cena for defeating him in the No. 1 Contender’s Tournament a month earlier. Meanwhile, Cena and Brian Kendrick were engaged in a rap feud of sorts as Kendrick redebuted his God awful “Spanky” ringname in WWE. Benoit and to a lesser extent Rhyno were the glue that managed to hold this match together and ultimately things turned out pretty decent. While it wasn’t a blowaway match or anything it was a hot opener that managed to successfully combine to midcard feuds into a PPV payday for six guys.

My Grade: B

United States Title, Tournament Final [vacant]: Chris Benoit vs. Eddie Guerrero (Vengeance 2003)

This is my favorite Benoit-Eddie match. A lot of people discredit this match due to the interference by Rhyno at the end, but I don’t think that can take away from a fantastic match put on by two all time greats in the ring. As far as I’m concerned, Eddie’s failed heel run in the summer of 2003 is where he did his best work and really cultivated the “Lie, Cheat, and Steal” character that we remember so fondly. It seemed like this was the point that WWE really started to take Eddie seriously as a singles act after testing him a bit with his RVD and Edge feuds a year before. There wasn’t a better guy to get him ready for the big time then Chris Benoit. While this match may not have the same technical merits as some of their other encounters, from a purely entertainment perspective this was as good as it got between these two.

My Grade: A

United States Title, Fatal Four-Way Match: Eddie Guerrero© vs. Chris Benoit vs. Rhyno vs. Tajiri (SummerSlam 2003)

WWE smartly took what worked so well a month before between Eddie and Benoit and added to it here. You had Tajiri, the tag team partner that Eddie had turned on, and Rhyno, the tag team partner that turned on Benoit. Ironically both Rhyno and Tajiri would end up as a tag team a year later. The only time I ever tried my hand at reviewing a wrestling show was a few years back for Ryan Byers’ SummerSlam retrospective and this was a show that I covered. Let me tell you that trying to recap this match was no easy task. The action was fast and furious and all four guys got some great spots to showcase their abilities. Benoit was Benoit, Eddie was that beloved cheating heel, Tajiri was the fun underdog, and in 2003 Rhyno had a lot of untapped potential coming off his long layoff with a neck injury. This match was a tremendous way of getting all four men out there and also a great way to reestablish the United States Title

My Grade: A

Chris Benoit vs. A-Train (No Mercy 2003)

Here’s the match that really made the smarks sit up and take notice of the man that would go on to become a Japanese superstar. A-Train had toiled around as your typical big man midcarder for quite some time, but when he was given the opportunity to mix it up with some talented performers you could see some real potential. While A-Train ultimately lost this match he did gain some credibility with the fans and was no longer one of the IWC’s most hated wrestlers.

My Grade: B-

Classic Survivor Series Elimination Match: Kurt Angle, Chris Benoit, John Cena, JBL, & Hardcore Holly vs. Brock Lesnar, Big Show, A-Train, Matt Morgan, & Nathan Jones (Survivor Series 2003)

I’ve stated multiple times that I am a mark for Survivor Series Elimination Matches so even the mediocre ones get a good rating from me. That being said, the booking of this match was just terrible. On paper this could have been a very good match but they rushed through most of the eliminations in a matter of minutes. What should have been a cool five on five battle mostly boiled down to Benoit & Cena vs. Brock & Big Show. That’s not to say that the action that was there wasn’t entertaining, but the match itself could have been so much more. The one good thing to come out of this was the start of the Brock-Benoit mini-feud that saw them tear the house down in a WWE Championship Match on SmackDown a few weeks later, a match that would start in motion the events that would send him to Raw to become a World Champion.

My Grade: C+

PPV in Review: Night of Champions

The WWE Tag Team Title Match was a great way to start off the show. I think a lot of people (coughdavemeltzercough) refused to give this match a chance just because it had Hornswoggle in it. Miz & Morrison have become such a great tag team that I fear the day they lose the straps. Finlay & Horny are a surprisingly fun tag team and the leprechaun doesn’t even stand out that much. This was my favorite match of the entire show until the two main events.

There was absolutely nothing wrong with the Matt Hardy-Chavo Guerrero match, but it was just so bland that I didn’t enjoy it that much. Bam Neely continues to prove that he is the worst bodyguard in the history of wrestling by doing very little to help him man win.

The ECW Title Match is exactly why I employ the Andy Enjoyment Index and not the Andy Star Ratings. For the bulk of this match things were downright awful. This had the makings of a Worst Match of the Year Candidate early on and then things fell apart even more with Kane’s apparent injury. Then a funny thing happened. Once Kane managed to get back into the match things got pretty fun. Technically speaking much of it was still pretty bad, but I found myself really enjoying the waning moments of this match and it was pretty cool to see Mark Henry walk away with a World Title, albeit the ECW Title. For the record his promo on Tuesday was very good as well and I look forward to watching him as champion.

The World Tag Team Title Match was insanely stupid. I don’t care if everyone called Cody Rhodes being the mystery partner coming a mile away, it still doesn’t erase how stupid it is. I am amazed that I seem to be the only person to realize just how asinine it is for Cody Rhodes to not only compete in a match AGAINST HIMSELF but also win a championship FROM HIMSELF. I don’t mind him being heel and he and DiBiase should be a nice tag team, but the way they went about was absolutely moronic. We would be bashing TNA if they tried some shit like this and I see no reason for WWE to get a free pass.

The Intercontinental Title Match was interesting. I called Kofi Kingston as the mystery opponent so I was happy with that. Kofi can be a huge star so long as they don’t screw him up on Raw. If they wanted to bump him to one of the big shows I think SmackDown would have been better, but hopefully they can continue to push him like they did on ECW. Unfortunately the finish to their rematch the next night on Raw indicates that that may not be the case. The match was fine although there were some dead spots that prompted the “Boring” chants. I also don’t see how people saw Kofi’s win as a fluke type deal like Santino Marella. Sure Jericho got distracted but Kofi took him out with his finisher in a pretty legit victory.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t comment on the continued decline of Chris Jericho’s promos. Ever since he came back in November I’ve been one of the few that stated that his return had been a success. From an in ring perspective Jericho has been on fire since he’s been back, even getting some good work out of JBL. All of his face and tweener promo work was also fantastic. His feud with Shawn Michaels was by and large the highlight of Raw and his actual heel turn was done beautifully. That being said, his mic work following the turn has been abysmal. He has great material to work with because he’s actually right with everything he says, but he’s been delivering it with all of the enthusiasm of a soccer match (or a baseball game for my European readers). His first “I’m turning on you fans” promo was Worst Promo of the Year material and he followed it up with a lackluster effort at Night of Champions. It’s almost as though he doesn’t believe a word he’s saying which is unfortunate because, as I said, he’s genuinely right with his assessment on everything.

The haircut is also really getting to me. Either grow it long again or get some facial hair or something but he desperately needs to change his look. Couple that with Lance Cade, who is a poster boy for the Wellness Program if there ever was one, and you have one of the least intimidating duos in recent memory. I’m almost hoping they add Bryan Danielson’s pasty self to this stable so at least someone seems halfway intimidating.

The Women’s Title was just there for me. Nothing bad but not really exciting. The women’s work this year has been very good though, so had this match happened a few months ago it may have seemed better.

The World Heavyweight Title Match was a bunch of fun. It started off kind of slow but I suppose that’s the best way to do these things. People complain about the overbooked nature of the ending but that’s part of what made it fun, especially since we’ve seen Edge beat Batista a bunch of times already. Plus that was one of the prettiest belt shots you’ll ever see. Watching Batista launch Vickie Guerrero was awesome too.

And then we had the main event. While it didn’t quite make it to that legendary moment that they had hyped up, I have zero problem with them promoting it as such. The first Cena-Triple H match was the Hogan-Andre, Hart-Michaels, Austin-Rock of our generation (whether you like how it boils down to it or not) so why not hype it as a major event? The best part of everything is the way they were able to turn a sure thing of Triple H winning to get his win back to a sure thing of Cena winning to bring a title back to Raw back to Triple H winning but this time as a surprise. Also, the one good thing about having Michael Cole calling Cena’s matches again is that for the first time in three years The Throwback is called by its name.

Andy Enjoyment Index: Night of Champions

1) WWE Title Match
2) World Heavyweight Title Match
3) WWE Tag Team Title Match
4) ECW Title Match
5) Intercontinental Title Match
6) United States Title Match
———————————————————————
7) Women’s Title Match
8) World Tag Team Title Match

The Shimmy Likes It Raw!

What’s on tap for tonight’s show?

Perhaps the biggest story of the year, CM Punk is the new World Heavyweight Champion! What challenges lie ahead for the Straightedge Superstar and who will step up to challenge Punk for the title at the Great American Bash?

Who is running things on Raw? JBL declared martial law last week but who is really in control? And will John Cena and Cryme Tyme put the beatdown on JBL’s crew again?

We have the “youth movement” on Raw tonight. Whoo hoo. I’ve got to say I hate the way they are promoting things. I’m all for getting some fresh faces out there but I think things need to be presented more naturally. The promo they ran for Raw last week that just said “We’ve got a bunch of young champions, hooray us!” reeked of desperation and undercut any individual performances by their new stars. The focus should be on CM Punk’s new reign as champion with Kofi, Rhodes, and DiBiase all just being an integral part of the show. Hopefully they find a good way to integrate the newer stars with the younger ones instead of blatantly catering to their detractors.

Well that does it for this week’s column. Next week we’ve got Chris Benoit’s 2004 PPV matches including one WrestleMania performance you might have heard of. Until then, don’t die. Clark…out.