The SmarK Rant For NWA-TNA – August 13 2003

The SmarK Rant for NWA-TNA – August 13, 2003

– Live from Nashville, TN

– Your hosts are Mike Tenay & Don West.

– This was written while doing a cleaning job on a Blaster-infected computer, so if I miss anything, blame Microsoft.

– Opening match: Devon Storm, Vampire Warrior & Sinn v. 3 Live Krew. Konnan trades wristlocks with Storm to start, and gets a quick carpet muncher. Headscissors and a bad armdrag (which Tenay classifies as a “Mexican armdrag”) follow, and James comes in and slugs away. Storm gets a Northern Lights suplex for two. Sinn & Storm take turns moonsaulting James and get two. Sinn with an enzuigiri for two. Vampire Warrior comes in and pounds away, and chokes him down. Hot tag to Killings, however, who hits Warrior with an axe kick. Storm follows him in and gets double-teamed. 3 Live Krew team up for their version of the Whazzup on Warrior, which gets two. Storm tries a moonsault press on James, but gets caught and slammed by both James & Killings for two. The Truth dropkicks Sinn in the corner, and BG pumphandles him for the pin at 5:20. Decent little opener, as 3LK are the perfect opening match guys. *1/2

– Erik Watts calls out AJ Styles, and he answers with Russo in tow. Actually, more like the other way around. It really can’t be smart to have Styles standing there with two huge non-wrestlers who both have a foot on him. Particularly Watts, who has the star look and nothing else, and thus makes the champion look second-rate by sheer visuals alone. Anyway, there’s no contenders left, and Sting doesn’t answer his e-mail or something. This brings out Low-Ki to protest, and a huge brawl erupts with Jarrett and Legend getting involved. Upshot is Styles v. Low-Ki for the title tonight, which is a damn good upshot.

– Jerry Lynn v. Elix Skipper. Lynn attacks to start on the ramp, and they head in, where Elix pounds him. Lynn clotheslines him and Skipper grabs his scale, but Lynn baseball slides him and elbows him on the way back in. That looked sloppy. They slug it out, won by Elix, and he spinkicks him and gets a springboard moonsault for two. Lynn gets crotched as I point out to my friend that Elix is about to do an awesome move (the ropewalk rana), at which point he blows it and crotches himself on the top rope. Don’t know if that was intentional or what, but it sure made me look silly. Lynn finishes immediately with a DDT at 3:58, so I guess he might have legitimately hurt himself. *

– Ladder match: Frankie Kazarian v. Michael Shane. Kazarian quickly grabs the ladder, but Shane hits him with a crazy somersault plancha onto the ladder. In the ring, Shane climbs and clotheslines him from the ladder. He slugs away in the corner and whips Kazarian into the ladder in the other corner. Kazarian starts firing back with the ladder as a weapon, but Kazarian dropkicks it in his face. He sets it up in the corner, and backdrops Shane into it in a sick bump. That bump always scares me. Kazarian goes up and does the Jeff Hardy leapfrog legdrop over the ladder. He climbs, but Shane follows and brings him down with a neckbreaker. I like that they’re doing the fast climb and not the WWE slow climb. Maybe that means they can’t climb a ladder main event style, but so be it. Shane claims and Kazarian follows, and they slug it out up top until Kazarian gets the advantage and sunset bombs him off the ladder. Nice. Back up the ladder, but now Chris Sabin makes the appointed run-in (I have a witness that I called the exact spot the moment Kazarian started climbing) and shoves the ladder over to send Kazarian out of the ring. I’m thinking like RUSSO now, isn’t that scary? And indeed, using the Russo mindset, once Shane starts climbing for the obvious win, Sabin pushes HIM off, too, and grabs the contract himself for the no-contest. I should point out that we’ve now had a couple of ladder matches in a row now booked with a non-finish, in a match that’s supposed to GUARANTEE a finish. ***

– Kid Kash v. Bobby Eaton. Another week, another legend. Too bad Eaton’s so broken-down that he shouldn’t even be wrestling. In fact, they’re get better return on their money having him teach the guys how to punch. Seriously. Kash attacks to start after an endless promo, and dropkicks him in the corner, then tosses a chair at his head from the outside. Back in, he knees him and chokes away. They brawl out and back in again, where Kash locks in the IRON CLAW~! Eaton fights back with a backdrop for two. They’re never gonna get that claw over if every senior citizen he fights can just escape. Neckbreaker gets two. Backbreaker, but (say it with me) Abyss interferes and Kash gets the cheap win at 3:35. Kash is hot and cold as a worker, and this was a cold week. Ѕ*

– Raven v. Shane Douglas. Everyone is banned from ringside for the match, so Shane will just have to make his own screwjob finish. Raven chases him outside to start, but gets posted. They brawl out and Shane drops him on the stairs and starts choking away. Raven bleeds early, as Shane picks a fight with boisterous fans in the front row. This is so Memphis. He sends Raven into the railing again, and they brawl over to the table where Shane gets more heat on himself via the fans. Back in, Shane starts chopping. Raven fights back with a hope spot to keep the fans in it, but runs into a boot. Shane grabs a chair and sets it up, hitting Raven’s own DROP TOEHOLD OF DOOM and stomping away. Raven goes low to come back and wedges the chair in the corner, but misses a charge and hits the chair, going flying out to the floor. Shane slugs away, but Raven blocks a trip to the post and comes back with another hope spot. Shane cheapshots him, however, and takes over again with a figure-four. This stuff is so simple but no one ever does it anymore because they’re afraid of losing heat, but here Raven is getting his ASS handed to him by Douglas and taking an unholy beating, and he’s even MORE over as a result. A good babyface shouldn’t be afraid to sell. Raven reverses, but Douglas makes the ropes. Raven finally comes back with clotheslines, but mistimes a fourth one and the crowd turns on it. Shane pokes the eyes to put heat back on himself, but can’t get the belly to belly. Raven reverses and hits it himself, but Jim Mitchell and a bodybag are on the ramp. So Raven aborts his DDT attempt and races out to save who he assumes is Alexis, after getting a quick small package on Douglas for the pin at 10:51. Didn’t like the finish but the old-school southern beating and heel heat was great stuff. ***1/4 When Raven saves “Alexis”, it turns out to be the Mysterious Yeti (still not seen) and he gets laid out. That Raven & Mitchell can carry a feud as inherently silly as this one is and still be the most over thing in the promotion speaks volume about their mike-work.

– Meantime, Don Callis MBA (“You don’t HAVE an MBA, do you Scott?”) shows his plans for finally ending the X-title controversy – the Ultimate X match. They’re gonna have a skateboarding competition and film it for IMAX? Oh, sorry, actually it’s a pair of high-wires crossed above the ring in the form of an “X”, with the belt hanging at the intersection, and you have climb the wires to get the belt. That’s actually a brilliant idea for a gimmick match.

– Simon & Swinger & Glenn Gilberti v. America’s Most Wanted & Dusty Rhodes. Big brawl to start and Harris tosses Storm onto the heels. I love all that “partners sacrificing each other for the greater good” stuff. Tag team wrestling needs more of that. Harris then follows them out with a pescado. C’mon Dusty, join the party! Maybe not. Everyone regroups and Storm suplexes Swinger in for two. Harris comes in with a double-team elbow and bulldog for two. He charges and hits boot, and Gilberti comes in, but gets pounded for his troubles. In comes Dusty, but the heels run away from the elbow. Or maybe it’s the BO. Simon comes in and does his Dusty imitation, showing again why he doesn’t need a manager in the first place, but Dusty unleashes the elbow. Storm comes in with a headscissors and slugs away, but he gets tripped up and Simon clotheslines him, and he’s YOUR face-in-peril. They seem to be getting the formula down pat now. He gets worked over in the corner, and a double-team sideslam gets two for Swinger. Back to the corner and Glenn slugs him down and out. Back in, Gilberti clothesline gets two for Simon. Simon Series and superkick gets two. Swinger comes in, but Storm superkicks him and hits him with the kick series on the mat. False tag Dusty, and the beating of Storm is on again. Simon whips Swinger into Storm, but he elbows back and makes the real hot tag to Dusty. He kills Disco, and then gets the bullrope and uses the cowbell for the pin at 8:41. More cowbell! Dusty’s involvement was minimal, the fans love him, and Disco doesn’t count as a real wrestler, so this was all good. *** Chris Daniels storms in for the beatdown on Dusty, but JJJ saves. A big-ass brawl erupts, so Erik Watts ends up making Simon & Swinger v. AMW part 1,000,000 next week in a bullrope match and himself & Jarrett v. Legend & Daniels, which oughta be interesting, I’ll give it that much.

– NWA World title: AJ Styles v. Low-Ki. Seriously, having Russo standing behind Styles during the introduction looks ridiculous. Lockup fight to start leads into the corner, where Low-Ki breaks clean. Ki takes him down and they trade wristlocks, but Ki kicks at him from his back. That’s hard to describe, but it was fucking cool. Ki takes him down by the arm, but AJ reverses to his own armbar. They work the mat, and it’s a stalemate. Ki gets a STIFF elbow and his usual insane chops, but AJ dropkicks him and gets a neckbreaker for two. AJ tries to toss him, but Ki 619s him and pounds away. Again, that was fucking cool. Power elbow gets two. Seriously, they need to bring in Keiji Muto for a one-shot because this crowd would probably go nuts for him and it’d give Low-Ki a huge rub. AJ dumps him to the apron, but Ki hooks the Bite of the Dragon and dropkicks the knee. Stiff kicks, but AJ trips him, so Ki counters with a Koppo Kick. They reverse of a Styles Clash, but Styles kicks the head and sends him out. Low-Ki trips him up on the apron, but AJ springboards into a moonsault and lands with an inverted DDT onto the ramp. Holy SHIT this is a crazy match. Back in, that gets two. Low-Ki with a crucifix for two, but AJ kicks him down for two. AJ slugs away, and a butterfly suplex gets two. Ki reverses a suplex and they fight to the apron, where AJ necksnaps him for two. AJ takes him down with a rear chinlock, and Low-Ki fights out of that. Russo cheapshots him for two. AJ slugs away in the corner, but Low-Ki uses the ref to clip AJ and gets a springboard kick. Have I mentioned that this match is all kinds of crazy? Lariat as Low-Ki fights back, and a running forearm and Northern Lights suplex gets two. Kawada kicks get two. Ki Krusher is countered by AJ with a DDT. WOW. Low-Ki misses a handspring, and AJ lariat gets two. AJ spazzes out with kicks and I’m waiting for Low-Ki to return fire to really make my night, but instead he catches him in an Octopus. AJ suplexes out with a german, and an inverted powerbomb gets two. Low-Ki misses a kick, but counters the springboard DDT. Handspring kick puts AJ on the floor and Low-Ki is about to follow with what was probably going to be the insane highspot to end them all, but the ref gets in his way and AJ gets a cheap baseball bat shot for the pin at 14:54. Crappy finish aside, this was MUST SEE TV, and you NEED to get the replay this weekend and check it out. Shit you’ll never see in the WWE for 15 minutes. ****1/4

The Bottom Line:

The finishes continue to hurt the product, but I’m sucker for the old-style southern stuff with Raven and AMW selling like nuts. If Low-Ki can tone down his dangerous style he’ll probably work himself into a job with the WWE sooner or later.

Definitely a week where the product lived up to expectations on paper, and even exceeded it with the Raven-Douglas brawl. Two good shows in a row! Can the streak continue next week?