The Name on the Marquee: The Best of the WWF Volume 5

-Hosted by Mean Gene Okerlund, who assures us that the term “the best” is not taken lightly by the WWF. Remember that when Barry O suddenly appears on the screen.

RICKY “The Dragon” STEAMBOAT vs. MAGNIFICENT MURACO (with Mr. Fuji)
-From MSG on November 25, 1985, which puts it two days after Starrcade ’85. Just want to make sure you keep that in mind. Muraco keeps retreating to corners as Steamboat looks ready to unleash kicks no matter where he’s standing. This is a rare occurrence of me enjoying stalling, as Steamboat just looks like he’s ready to kill Muraco the moment he sees him blink and Muraco doesn’t want to walk into anything.

-Enziguiri sends Muraco to the floor early, but he rushes right back in and goes to a collar-and-elbow. Knee to the stomach and a snapmare by Muraco. He drops a knee, but Steamboat fights back with chops and a better-looking snapmare. Steamboat claps his hands in the general area of Don’s ears, which, as we know, hurts for some reason. Muraco goes to the floor to deal with the mild tinnitus. Back in the ring, Steamboat gets another snapmare and works the neck. Hilarious moment as we cut to a fan in the crowd wearing a turban and Gorilla notes that we have “an international flair” here tonight. Uh, or you could be in friggin’ NEW YORK, Gorilla.

-Muraco gets sent to the floor again. He re-enters and gets a knee and a hard chop on Steamboat, but Steamboat comes right back with a backdrop and a series of armdrags. Chinlock by Steamboat, and of course, it’s the correct way to do a chinlock, where he keeps adjusting his position and looking like he’s trying to make it hurt, instead of looking like he’s riding a horsey and taking a breather. Steamboat switches to a front facelock, and Muraco fights out with a reverse atomic drop. Clothesline drops Steamboat, and Muraco starts going after the neck. He takes Steamboat across the ring and drives him into the top of the ringpost and Steamboat stealthily blades. Muraco sticks his thumb in the cut, and Gorilla & Jesse both start calling for the referee to stop the match. When JESSE wants it, you know things are getting bad. Muraco goes to the floor and slingshots Steamboat into the post to open him up more, then bites him for good measure. And what the hell, ram him into the other post, too. Steamboat is wearing a crimson mask and about half of a crimson shirt at this point. Muraco slingshots him back into the ring and comes off the second rope with the Asiatic spike into the forehead. Chops are traded and naturally, Steamboat wins that battle decisively. Irish whip is reversed and Muraco grounds him with another thumb. He sends Steamboat over the top rope and Fuji tries to get involved, but Steamboat kicks him away and steals his cane. Back in the ring, Steamboat & Muraco fight for the cane and the referee gets KOed in the process. Another enziguiri takes down Muraco, and Steamboat just wails on him with the cane. The referee catches him and calls for the bell, and Steamboat is DQed. Steamboat, not giving a shit, breaks the cane over Muraco’s head, busting Muraco open and making a wooden spike out of the cane. Steamboat, knowing a good idea when he sees it on closed circuit TV, drives the spike into Muraco’s forehead until he can escape to the floor.

-And Steamboat follows him out the floor and mauls him. They take things back into the ring and Steamboat still destroys him. Holy crap, this was fun! 1 for 1.

KILLER BEES vs. HART FOUNDATION (with Jimmy Hart)
-Blair & Bret start. Bret gets a knee to the stomach, but Blair comes right back with a powerslam and then takes out Jim Neidhart for good measure. Jim Brunzell tags in and gets an armbar, and Bret launches him into the ropes for an airplane spin, but Brunzell wriggles until he turns it into a sunset flip for two. Jim Neidhart tags in and gets a side headlock, which Brunzell can’t break. He takes a few shots to Neidhart’s stomach before getting trapped in a bearhug. Brunzell breaks that by…well, by clapping his hands. Blair tags in and walks right into some double-teaming, and Bret tags in to dominate him for a few moments. Bret ties Blair into the ropes and then charges at him, but Blair frees himself and Bret goes crotch-first into the ropes. Hot tag brings in Brunzell to clean house. Beautiful dropkick gets a two-count when Neidhart breaks the pin, and it’s a four-man brawl until the referee calls for the bell and a double-DQ. 2 for 2. Quick for TV purposes, but the predictably good match that these teams usually had.

“Mister Wonderful” PAUL ORNDORFF & KILLER BEES vs. BARRY O & HART FOUNDATION (with Jimmy Hart)
-I’m guessing Barry O got his spot on the heel side Judge Harry Stone-style, where he was the first wrestler to answer his phone. Pandemonium breaks loose on the apron to start, and in the mess Brunzell gets triple-teamed in the heel corner. Backbreaker by Bret keeps control, but then he screws everything up by letting Barry O into the ring, and Brunzell immediately escapes to his own corner and tags in Orndorff. Orndorff destroys Barry and finishes things with a move like the Hart Attack, but with a dropkick instead of a clothesline. 2 for 3. Short and not a lot of meat to it.

NON-TITLE MATCH: BRITISH BULLDOGS vs. DREAM TEAM (Champions, with Johnny Valiant)
-Same match as seen on “The Tag Team Champions”: Dynamite and Valentine start. Dynamite gets sent in the ropes off a side headlock and topples Valentine with a shoulderblock. Another lock-up and Dynamite rams Valentine into Beefcake, then heads across the ring and tags in Davey Boy. Beefcake tags in and walks right into a wristlock. He counters with a slam, but Davey Boy hangs on and Dynamite re-enters with a double axehandle off the ropes. Davey Boy does likewise and switches into a hammerlock. Beefcake goes for the eyes and sends Davey Boy into the ropes. Davey lands on his feet off a backdrop and dropkicks both opponents. Davey Boy shows his Samoan side with a nerve hold, and Beefcake fights that off and tags in Valentine. Some double-teaming grounds Davey Boy, but he dodges an elbow and Dynamite Kid is a house of fire. Falling headbutt gets two. Dynamite heads to the top rope, but Johnny Valiant pushes him off for the DQ. 3 for 4. Strong showing for the Bulldogs that built up to two excellent rematches.

“FUJI GENERAL”
-Hell yeah. This is a soap opera starring Don Muraco & Mister Fuji. The segment starts off with Muraco & Fuji complaining about how bad the directing and the script were, so you know this is going to be an ugly several minutes. Dr. Muraco greets Dr. Fuji (wearing his derby along with his doctor costume) and Nurse Peacock. Muraco, who will not take his eyes off the cue cards, professes his love to Nurse Peacock, who wants nothing to do with him because of his wife. Muraco does the most wooden delivery of “I can’t stop myself,” and the director walks onto the set and tells him what a horrible actor he is. Muraco shrugs it off and re-starts the scene.

-Dr. Fuji sees somebody off-camera giving him his cue and he turns right around and demands to know what is going on. Dr. Fuji is even worse, not only reading the cue cards, but looking right into the camera as he delivers his lines; he ultimately loses his place.

-They go in to check on a patient named Mr. Webster. Dr. Fuji tells Dr. Muraco that it’s a miracle that he’s still alive given that he’s been ignored. Dr. Fuji mutters something incomprehensible about Dr. Muraco’s wife and then fires Nurse Peacock. Dr. Muraco does more wooden delivery, and the director storms onto the set and screams, “Stop being a wrestler for a while and start acting!” Ahem.

-Dr. Muraco “demands” a kiss, and an argument erupts on the set until Muraco & Fuji storm off the set. We cut to the “TNT” set, where Vince & Lord Alfred are cracking up. Funny stuff. 4 for 5.

WOMEN’S TITLE: WENDI RICHTER (champion, with David Wolff & Cyndi Lauper) vs. LELANI KAI (with Fabulous Moolah)
-It’s burial time for the departing Ms. Richter. We start with the “War to Settle the Score” undercard and Lelani is destroying Wendi Richter until Wendi dodges a charge of Lelani launches herself to the floor. Wendi suplexes Lelani back in and faceplants her. Godawful-looking surfboard by Richter, and integrity preservation takes us to an armbar by Richter. She sends Lelani into the ropes for a backdrop, btu Lelani catches her with a boot and goes to a choke. Lelani tries to follow with a swift kick, but Wendi catches the foot and sweeps her down to the mat for a two-count. Bodypress off the ropes gets two. Boot gets two. Sloppy bodyslam gets two as Moolah attacks Cyndi Lauper at ringside. Richter goes to break it up, and Lelani sneaks up from behind and attacks the champ. Pin is academic, and we have a new champion to set up the re-match for Wrestlemania. 4 for 6. Total mess.

WOMEN’S TITLE: WENDI RICHTER (champion) vs. SPIDER LADY
-Okay, the now-legendary story for anybody who’s missed it…Vince McMahon walked up to Wendi right before this match and handed her a new contract, demanding that she sign it on the spot. Wendi told Vince that she’s rather look at a new contract with her lawyer and that she’d wait to sign it. So…

-Wendi gets a dropkick and a beel throw. She totally whiffs on a flying headscissors and Spider Lady takes control. She chokes Wendi on the top rope and then pulls hair. Wendi fights back with a flying clothesline, and your finish sees Spider Lady get a small package. Wendi kicks out TWICE, but the referee counts three anyway and calls for the bell. Wendi, not realizing what’s happened just yet, goes right to the planned finish, yanks off the mask to reveal that it’s Fabulous Moolah, and attempts to pin her. The referee refuses, and NOW we have the moment where Wendi figures out exactly what has just happened to her. A brawl erupts and Wendi begins trying to legitimately fight the belt away from the referee and Moolah, and cracks Moolah with a nasty-sounding belt shot. That was unpleasant to watch on several levels. 5 for 7 just for such a fascinating moment, but dear god, this was an awful match until the finish.

INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE: TITO SANTANA (champion) vs. JESSE “The Body” VENTURA
-This was during Jesse’s very brief late 1985 comeback. Both men fight for the advantage on a lock-up. Jesse gets an early advantage until Tito reverses to a hammerlock, and The Body gets to the ropes and complains. Arm-wringer by Jesse, who boldly calls Tito “Chico” to his face. And holy crap, a LOUD “Jesse” chant is erupting in the Maple Leaf Gardens. Tito fights out and goes to a side headlock. He catches Jesse with a pair of shoulderblocks and goes back to the side headlock. Another shoulderblock by Tito, but he goes to the proverbial well once too often and takes a knee to the gut. Jesse targets the stomach with a stomp and goes to the eyes just for good measure. He chops Tito’s throat and then sends him through the ropes and onto the floor. Body goes to the floor and rams Tito backfirst into the apron. Jesse’s doing a great job of making these moves look painful, but pick a body part and stick with it, man! Tito makes his way back into the ring and gets a few cheap shots, but Jesse goes to the eyes again to block the comeback. Backbreaker gets a two-count. Atomic drop gets a two-count. Jesse stomps away at Tito and goes to a bearhug, and Tito escapes by…clapping his hands. What the hell? Tito starts to Tito up and lights into Jesse with kicks and punches. Tito gets the figure four locked in, but Jesse makes it to the ropes and decides he’s had enough and leaves. Tito follows him out onto that ramp that they only used at Maple Leaf Gardens and goes for the figure-four again, and that takes enough time for the referee to reach a ten-count for the double count-out. Solid outing. 6 for 8. Oh, and they keep brawling after the match, with Tito winning the war by using the belt.

BEST 3 OUT OF 5 FALLS: ANDRE THE GIANT, CHIEF JAY STRONGBOW, ROCKY JOHNSON, & IVAN PUTSKI vs. BIG JOHN STUDD & WILD SAMOANS
-FALL ONE: It’s not a handicap match, this would be Afa, Sika, and Samu plus Big John. Rocky starts with Samu, and catches him with a quick backdrop and dropkick. Armdrag leads Samu to retreat for a few moments. Afa tags in and gets an arm wringer, but some fancy footwork by Rocky breaks the hold. Rocky gets a few quick jabs on Afa while he’s at it, and Afa’s had enough and tags in Big John. Andre tags in, though, and Big John immediately tags in Sika. Andre rams their heads together. Andre beats up on Sika and sends him into the wrong corner, and Chief Jay tags in and gets a sleeperhold locked in. Studd breaks the hold, and Andre immediately comes in to act as an equalizer. A donnybrook breaks loose, with the faces getting a decisive upper hand. Since Studd started the whole thing, the heels are DQed.

-FALL TWO: Big John attacks Jay Strongbow from the apron to get the early advantage for his team, but the moment Andre catches him he lays off. Afa headbutts (and, on camera, completely misses) Strongbow and pins him immediately to tie the match at the 46-second mark.

FALL THREE: Strongbow continues to take a beating, but when Afa goes off the ropes, Andre boots him, and Strongbow immediately rolls over and pins him AT 23 seconds to make it 2-1, advantage faces.

FALL FOUR: Ivan Putski tags in for the first time in the match and absolutely cleans house on the Samoans. Big John Studd is on the floor at this point, looking like he wants no part of this match. Afa & Sika double-team Putski to neutralize his Polish insanity, but it’s all for nothing once Andre tags in and does the one-man wrecking crew thing himself. Andre Irish whips Samu and Samu heads to the second rope to try a flying bodypress, but Andre kicks him right in the face and sits on him, and that is it. Faces win 3-1. I could go either way on this one, but…eh, I’m in a good mood. Here’s a point. 7 for 9. At ringside, Afa consoles himself by eating all the garbage that the fans threw in the ring…that’s a hell of a way to finish a tape.

And here’s the Game Show Utopia plug to round things out.

The 411: A nice "time capsule" selection this time around, with the Steamboat-Muraco feud, "TNT" jocularity, and the MSG screwjob all getting some nice airtime. Take a look.
Final Score:  7.7   [ Good ]