The Name on the Marquee: The WWF’s Amazing Managers (1985)

-It’s a Coliseum Video I’ve never seen. Match selection would peg this one toward the end of 1985 or so.

-Your host is Bobby “The Brain” Heenan. Bobby glosses over the duties of a manager, sounding really unnatural when he reads from a cue card.

-We start with a look at Mr. Fuji and Don Muraco. They do a brief skit from the same place where Ricky Steamboat became the Dragon, but I think we’re not supposed to know that.

RICKY “The Dragon” STEAMBOAT & JUNKYARD DOG vs. MAGNIFICENT MURACO & MR. FUJI
-From the Cap Centre in Washington DC. I didn’t have to look that up, either. The WWF just always had this thing about putting the hard camera at a weird off-center angle whenever they went to the Cap Centre, so you can immediately figure it out whenever you watch a 1980s match from there.

-Heels try an early attack, but the faces dominate and it’s a brawl all over the place. Steamboat strangles Fuji with his black belt, then goes over the barricade and wails on Muraco with a chair in the middle of the crowd. He lays another beating on Fuji before we get an awkward edit to Steamboat being hurt somehow.

-Fuji tags in now that Steamboat’s hurt and headbutts the Dragon square in the balls, which Monsoon calls “the Kamikaze drop.” JYD earns his keep as a tag team partner by distracting the referee while his partner gets his ass kicked by two men. Hot tag to the Dog and he cleans house with headbutts. JYD gently nudges Muraco down to the canvas with a walking shoulderblock.

-Fuji sneaks up with a kick that dazes the Dog, so we get ANOTHER hot tag with Steamoat cleaning house, kicking a handful of salt away from Fuji, and rolling up the devious one for a pin. Heels attack post-match, but Dog clears the ring with his chain. 1 for 1. Really fast, fun match with a mess of heat.

JOHNNY VALIANT INTERVIEW
-From “TNT.” Vince McMahon mentions that Arnold Skaaland was interested in representing Brutus Beefcake and many people were surprised that Valiant got the contract. Really? Skaaland?

LUSCIOUS JOHNNY VALIANT vs. STEVE LOMBARDI
-Well…in all fairness, the words “Best of” don’t appear anywhere in the video title. Valiant takes Lombardi to the floor and rams him into the barricade and slams him on the concrete, which gets some amazing “You sick bastard!” heat from the crowd. Lombardi hulks up and does the same moves chapter and verse before diving back inside to try to beat the count. Valiant looks great whenever he takes bumps, but whenever he gets the upper hand, he does this weird “I’m having a stroke and that sure makes me angry!” face that looks like something you’d see from somebody who makes fun of wrestling without watching it.

-Valiant wins with a clothesline. Yup, a clothesline. 1 for 2.

DON MURACO & GRAND WIZARD INTERVIEW
-Wizard was awesome on the mike and that’s all there is to it.

TAG TEAM TITLE: MIKE ROTUNDO & BARRY WINDHAM (champions, with Captain Lou Albano) vs. NIKOLAI VOLKOFF & IRON SHIEK (with Classy Freddie Blassie)
-From Wrestlemania I. Sheik plants Rotundo with a shoulderblock to start, and Rotundo counters with a hiptoss and a dropkick that completely misses. Windham tags in and dodges a double-team attempt, and Sheik ends up hitting a nice-looking dropkick on his partner. Volkoff tags in and Windham & Rotundo work the arm, but Volkoff makes the comeback with an assist from Shiek’s notorious boot. Sheik tags in and he trades suplexes with Rotundo, but Volkoff tags in and we officially have our designated Morton for this match. Sheik puts the boots to Rotundo and follows with an abdominal stretch, but Rotundo counters out and makes the tag. It turns into a pier sixer and during the confusion, Shiek drills Windham with Blassie’s cane, and it’s a totally unexpected title change at 6:55. Fast-paced, not much resting, everybody came there to work. That’s a point. 2 for 3. Blassie’s post-match counter to accusations of cheating: “I didn’t have no cane.” You’ve convinced me!

GEORGE “The Animal” STEELE (with Captain Lou Albano) vs. NIKOLAI VOLKOFF (with Classy Freddie Blassie)
-From MSG, stemming from George’s face turn on the first “Saturday Night’s Main Event.” Nikolai sings his anthem very, VERY slowly and it’s the long form so you can tell he’s waiting for someone to interrupt him. Sure enough, George eventually makes it to the ring and obliges, chasing him out of the ring while the referee tries to kick all the garbage out of the ring. Gorilla and Alfred joke about how they could end famine in Africa by sending Nikolai over there to sing the anthem, because everywhere he sings it, people wind up throwing food and beverages.

-After a lot of stalling, Steele gets distracted by Blassie and Nikolai attacks. Steele counters with biting and clubbering. Volkoff gets him trapped in a corner and puts the boots to him. Steele fights him off with a ballshot and celebrates by eating a turnbuckle. Cameraman gets a GREAT shot, holding the camera directly underneath the buckle so the foam gently trickles down right on top of the lens while George eats. He crams a bunch of foam into Nikolai’s face and Blassie gets fed up and attacks Steele with the cane. Albano confronts him about it, so Blassie attacks him with the cane, drawing Steele out to the floor. The wrestlers brawl on the floor and Albano recovers and goes after Blassie, and it’s a double count-out. 3 for 4. I’m in a good mood. I’m not about to tell you this was a great match, but for Steele vs. Volkoff this was as a good a match as you could hope for. And by the way, what was with Freddie Blassie absolutely refusing to take manager bumps?

GREG “The Hammer” VALENTINE INTERVIEW
Valentine talks about dumping Captain Lou Albano as a manager because Albano was dragging him down and holding him back, and credits Jimmy Hart with revitalizing his career.

INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE: GREG “The Hammer” VALENTINE (champion, with Jimmy Hart) vs. JUNKYARD DOG
-From Wrestlemania I. A whole lot of nothing happens to start. Stalling somehow leads to rolling headbutts, then a Valentine arm ringer and a forearm to the head, and it’s time to work the leg. A lot of stretching and twisting moves to damage it. When he actually goes for the hold, JYD kicks out and gets back to his feet, and whether you like JYD or not, I have to point out that he gets something right here: He hops around on one foot to move around the ring, and when he stands still, he’s standing on one foot. Contrast this to the usual “My leg is injured, oh, I’ve broken the hold, I feel better now” selling of…well, just about everybody.

-More headbutts and the Dog uses Greg’s time on the mat to walk off the injury, but Jimmy Hart hops on the apron. JYD sees Valentine coming and moves out of the way, and Jimmy actually takes the sickest bump of the show, landing right on the back of his head on the unprotected floor. JYD goes back on the offense, but Valentine goes to the eyes and gets a pin with his feet on the ropes. Tito comes to the ring and tells the referee, who restarts the match, but Greg refuses to get back in, and JYD gets the win via count-out at 7:05. Not much of a match, but I’m giving it a point just for JYD showing the correct way to sell an injury. 4 for 5.

“THE BRAWL TO END IT ALL”: WOMEN’S TITLE: FABULOUS MOOLAH (champion with Captain Lou Albano) vs. WENDI RICHTER (with Cyndi Lauper)
-Copy-pasting this from The Best of the WWF Vol. 1, because this match is terrible and I don’t want to sit through it again. Richter was actually trained by Moolah, and one of the differences between then & now is that now, they would acknowledge that and probably build the feud from it. They trade sloppy armdrags to start. Moolah takes advantage with a kick and sends Richter to the floor early on. A very careless edit (we jump from Gorilla starting a sentence to Gene finishing one) takes us to Wendi making a comeback with a choke, followed by an armdrag and an armbar, but she misses a splash.

-Jump to Moolah snapping Richter over the top rope by the hair. I swear, the easiest way to defeat Moolah in any match would be shave your head; it would take away about 90% of her offense. Richter goes for a full nelson, and just for fun, Lauper whacks Moolah with her purse in full view of the referee. Uh, you’re supposed to be the faces here, kids.

-Richter gets a couple of near falls, but another edit (Man, the Video Toaster guy must get bored REALLY fast) takes us to Moolah getting a backdrop and a near fall of her own. She whips Richter into the corner and gets a German sup—uh, a German Fall Backward and Roll, and dammit, they’re gonna do THAT finish, aren’t they?…Yup. It’s a double-pin and Richter rolls her shoulder at two. Could you have a less appropriate finish for somebody that you want to launch as a “next big thing” than winning on a fluke when the opponent pins herself? 4 for 6.

WOMEN’S TITLE: LELANI KAI vs. WENDI RICHTER
-From Wrestlemania I. Cyndi Lauper says that Captain Lou Albano taught her how to be a manager. Better have a beer before you get to the ring then, Cyndi. A word about Wendi here…she was quite hot here (barring the 80s feathered hair and weird colors for mascara) and sure enough, we get the whistles from the crowd when she takes off her entrance jacket, but here’s the other side of Wendi’s character…she had a mantra that she would repeat over and over again about how a woman can get whatever she wants “if she believes in herself.” And that got her over huge with a crowd that didn’t normally get into wrestling. Contrast this with the current product, where women rebel against their boyfriends by posing naked and titles change hands in tubs of gravy, which doesn’t sell tickets and is forgotten the moment that the next match begins. Wendi was the best of both worlds…she was eye candy for the guys and she had a message that resonated with women and that made her a bona fide main event player. It didn’t even matter that she wasn’t that great a worker, it was that combination that drew the crowds.

-There’s not much to describe here other than the offense that you see in every other match involving two pupils of Fabulous Moolah (snap mares, hair pulling, and exaggerated forearm blows). It should also be noted that both women are graduates of the Iron Mike Sharpe School of Selling (“Arrgh!”) Blown finish sees Lelani get a flying bodypress that is very gradually reversed by Richter for the 3-count at 6:12. Bleh. 4 for 7.

ADVICE TO THE LOVELORN
-From “TNT,” with Bobby Heenan giving the advice this time around. Vince reads a letter from an elderly fan saying that her husband is no longer interested in making love and wondering if there’s anything she can do at 69 to win her husband’s affections back. Bobby seems flustered by that curveball at the end of the letter and just tells her to try dressing herself up. Vince’s next letter is about a woman talking about her husband’s “six-inch…scar” which completely cracks Vince up. Bobby tries to keep it together and tells her she should be grateful that her husband has six inches of anything.

ANDRE THE GIANT vs. BIG JOHN STUDD
-From Maple Leaf Gardens. Joined in progress at Andre firing off some headbutts. He goes for a backdrop, but Studd kicks him down and grabs a pair of scissors from Heenan. He tries to give Andre another haircut, but Andre bites his wrist until he drops the scissors. Heenan tries to interfere, but Andre knocks him out of the ring. That brings out King Kong Bundh, aligning himself with Heenan for the first time, and drops a series of splashes on Andre until an army of jobbers chase the heels away. 4 for 8. Fun angle, I just wish they had shown more of the match because those final minutes were shockingly good.

RANDY SAVAGE’S CONTRACT NEGOTIATIONS
-From “TNT.” The Macho Man is new to the WWF and a hot free agent, and he’s entertaining offers from every heel manager. Bobby Heenan, Jimmy Hart, and Freddie Blassie approach Savage at the same time. Heenan offers him a generous wrestling contract plus contacts from friends in Beverly Hills to help Savage launch a film career, if he’s interested. Jimmy Hart calls himself a cut rate manager and promises Savage an opportunity to maximize his profits by working for less money and helping Savage find bargains on whatever high life he wants. Freddie Blassie actually makes one hell of an offer, promising to top anybody else’s offer by 25% and pledging not to collect any money at all until Savage beats Hogan for the title.

-This leads to a squash From “Championship Wrestling,” and Savage is escorted to the ring by every manager this week, as a show of gratitude for the support they’ve given him. Vince McMahon is confused by this because according to his sources, Savage has selected his manager, but it’s not any of the managers that we’re already familiar with. Savage tosses Jim Young to the floor and connects with the axehandle from the top rope. Flying elbow gets the win, as it tends to do.

-Post-match is a historic moment, naturally. Savage thanks each of the managers individually for their generosity. Savage introduces his new manager, Elizabeth, and Vince & Bruno are immediately smitten, with silver-tongued Sammartino saying “Is she a movie star?” 5 for 8. This was such a great angle and it immediately made Savage look like a main eventer without even having to feed him anyone bigger than Jim Young.

UNCLE ELMER & COUSIN JUNIOR vs. JERRY ADAMS & BARRY O
-Hillbilly Jim was on the verge of a mega-push and then immediately shattered his leg after debuting, so they brought in his “family” and made Jim a manager while he was on the mend. Big old squash match, and they don’t even care badly enough to show the whole thing. If you can’t bring yourself to show a complete SQUASH, why put it on the tape at all?

1985 MANAGER OF THE YEAR
-We start with a segment from “TNT” with Jimmy Hart and Classy Freddie Blassie. They talk about the upcoming Manager of the Year contest and speculate that Lou Albano will have an unfair advantage because he has a huge family and they’re all loading the ballot box. Jimmy Hart talks again about being a “cut-rate manager” who carefully saves all of his money and clothes. Wonder why they didn’t keep going with this gimmick for Jimmy?

-The following week, Gene Okerlund prepares to announce the winner of the contest when Bobby Heenan shows up and announces that he has convinced the other heel managers to forfeit their votes to him, which gives him more than 500,000 votes. Bobby grabs the trophy while Hillbilly Jim asks about his results and Captain Lou’s results. Jim pledges his votes to Captain Lou Albano, making the Captain the winner. Heenan KO’s Albano with the trophy and then destroys it while King Kong Bundy and Big John Studd head in and double-team Hillbilly Jim. 6 for 9.

-As a “favor” to the production crew, Bobby Heenan shows a career retrospective of Captain Lou Albano that he assembled himself. He starts with an interview from the first “TNT” where Albano is still firmly a heel and Vince McMahon keeps calling him out on his bullshit. We close with highlights of a match from the Spectrum where Albano totally gets the shit kicked out of him by Andre the Giant and Pedro Morales. Pretty lackluster way to end the video.

-Oh, and mystery solved, for anyone familiar with the end credits of Coliseum Video releases. The piece is called “Carnival, Concert Overture from a Cycle of Nature, Life and Love, Op. 92.”

The 411: A bit messy and random in spots, but all in all a good batch of highlights from the managers of 1985. Recommended viewing.
Final Score:  6.7   [ Average ]