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IT’S BEACH BREAK, BAYBAY!

In Ohio….

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It’s Wednesday…you know what that means…

We start th show with Rhodes and Sammy already in the ring. Let’s get to the action!

Match 1: TNT Championship Ladder Match
Cody Rhodes vs Sammy Guevara
Handshake to start. Lockup! Cody with a side headlock, to the ropes, Sammy shoots him off, Cody hits a tackle. Cody, off the ropes, Sammy flips over and hits a dropkick then kips up like a GAWD. Boom. Another lockup. Side headlock from Sammy this time. Cody lifts Sammy, shoots him to the corner, Sammy tries to fly over, Cody picks the ankle. Sammy kicks him away. Cody and Sammy lock knuckles, Cody sends him to the ropes, Cody with a Tiger Driver attempt, Sammy escapes, looks for G2H, Cody escapes, Sammy shoves him in the chest, Waist lock from behind. Cody escapes, Sammy has had enough. He runs out to grab a ladder. Cody runs out and drops Sammy down hard, then goes and grabs a 10-foot ladder. Cody sets the ladder on apron and barricade, then turns into a kick from Sammy. Sammy send Cody into the barricade. Cody grabs a chair, Sammy punches him in the back, tosses the chair, sends Cody over the barricade, Cody hits a right, checks on a fan, then he and Sammy fight up through the crowd. Sammy with a right, Cody hits one of his own, they go back and forth. Cody with a clothesline to Sammy over the barricade back ringside! Cody celebrates with the crowd, high fiving a few. Sammy, out of nowhere, flies off the barricade and hits a cutter to Cody!!! Sammy crawls under the big ladder and grabs his own.

Sammy sends the ladder into the ring, follows, and here comes Cody. Cody tries to pull the ladder out, but Sammy attacks him in the corner. Cody with a bit of a low blow, Sammy sends Cody to the apron. Sammy runs with the ladder and hits Cody in the face. Sammy sets up the ladder, climbs, Cody is here to pull Sammy down hard. Sammy sends Cody into the ladder, Cody lips out of the ring, Sammy climbs the ladder, touches the belts, Cody is too fast. He gets Sammy on his shoulders, drops him on his feet, shoes him to the ropes, and they hit each other, both falling. Sky and Lambert are watching in the crowd. Sammy and Cody both fight on either side of the ladder. They both climb. Cody is closer to the titles, but neither are really close. They hit right hands back and forth. Cody goes for a suplex, delays it at the top, slow falls to the mat!!!! SIIIIIIIICKKKK!!!!

WE ARE BACK and Cody has Sammy all wrapped up in a ladder. He punches him to give himself more time, then locks in a Figure Four through the rungs of the ladder. Cody sets up another ladder, the one on the outside still in wait. Cody chops Sammy in the corner. He lifts Cody, hits another chop. Sammy to the apron. He tries for a springboard, but Cody shoots the ladder INTO HIS FACE! Sammy pulls himself up. Cody grabs the ladder he just tossed. He sets it up in the corner, open, then grabs Sammy and drags him into the ring. He sends Sammy into the ladder face first then sets up the 10-footer in the center. Cody makes the climb as Sammy climns the smaller one in the corner. Sammy shoots himself UP ON HIS FEET, LEAPS, CUTTER TO CODY OFF THE TOP OF THE LADDER!!!!

Fuck. Yes.

Sammy traps Cody under the ladder. He starts the climb on the opposite side. Cody pushes Sammy enough for him to fall off the ladder, dropping his arm on the top rope. Ouch. Cody sets up, smacks himself awake, starts the climb. Sammy with his small ladder, sets up next to him. They both stand on their opposing sides of the ladder. Cody pulls Sammy back, CROSS RHODES OFF THE LADDER!!!! Cody sets up again. He starts the climb. Cody gets to the top. Sammy still laid out. He shoots up, climbs, attacks the back, clubbing it. Cody wraps himself around the pole the belts are hanging on. Sammy holds onto ohis back. They hang from the belt bar! Sammy falls! Cody drops shortly after! The ref pulls the ladder from out of the center, which is odd, but commentary explains why in a nice touch.

On the outside, Cody places Sammy’s leg on a ladder and slams the other end shut ONTO it.

Out comes Fuego Del Sol for some reason. He yells at Cody, follows him into the ring, Cody kicks him, hits a piledriver! In comes Sammy! Back body drop to Cody to the outside! Sammy flies over the top rope onot Cody! G2S!!! HOLY SHIT THAT LOOKED BRUTAL!!!! Sammy lifts the apron. He grabs yet another ladder. Cody is on his feet, leaned against the ladder on the apron. Sammy lays Cody out on the ladder. A few hits leaves Cody prone. Sammy climbs the other ladder, says he’s crazy to the cam, then stands on the top of the ladder. Sammy spreads his hands, SWANTON ONTO CODY RHODES AND THE LADDER DOESN’T BREAK!!!!! Instead, Sammy bounces off of Cody and falls to the mat as Arn Anderson sits in shock and awe. Sammy rolls into the ring. He pulls on a ladder, drags it to the center. Cody is up. Sammy climbs. Cody is up! He enters! Shoots up the ladder!

They meet at the top with right hands bacn and forth! Sammy gets the upperhand, grabs a belt, and smacks Cody in the face with one! Sammy with a title! With another! Sammy wins!

Winner: Sammy Guevara
That was tons of fun, with over twenty minutes flying faster than ever. If you are wondering, during the match, if these boys put in work, look no further than their backs bruising in rapid fashion during the match! Good lord. Truly, the only thing I didn’t like was Fuego’s presence. Just seemed altogether unnecessary.
Total Rating: ***3/4
Match Time: 23:00

Starks and Hobbs are nearby some frozen river. Ricky looks amazing, Tony looks frozen. Hobbs wants to fight Dante one more time. Ricky calls out Jay Lethal.

Match 2: Wardlow vs Jobbie McJobberson and His Brother Darren

EAT. POWERBOMB. REPEAT.

Winner: Wardlow

Total Rating: NR
Match Time: NR

Spears wants to hit the dudes with the chair, but Wardlow stops him, tells him to chill on the ramp. Spears high fives Wardlow as they head to the back.

Match 2: Chris Jericho, Santana, and Ortiz vs 2Point0 and Daniel Garcia
Jericho to start with Lee. Blind tag from Santana. Lee attacks him from behind, tag to Parker, Santana shoots the legs, hits some rights, knees, the sends Parker into the corner. More right hands. Santana sends Parker to the other corner, hits some right hands. Snap suplex, Santana holds on, another suplex, spins, and hits the third with the help of the tagged in Ortiz. Santna with a moonsault off of Ortiz back. Ortiz hits the ropes, splash and a pin for 1..2…NO!!!! Parker with a throat thrust. Tag to Lee. Stomp to Ortiz. Whip to the ropes, back elbow drops Ortiz. Tag to Garcia. Snapmare to Ortiz. Kick to the back. Chop from Ortiz. Right hands are traded. Uppercut. Garcia kicks, whip to the ropes, Ortiz rolls through, turns, hits a clothesline. Tag to Santana. Whip to Garcia, double flapjack. Dropkick from S&O! They are NOT interested in tagging in Jericho, so Jericho gets a blind just before Santana can tag in Ortiz. Ortiz tags himself back in and argues with Jericho. Garcia cohps the knee, Parker and Lee send Jericho and Santana off the apron.

We are back full screen and Ortiz and Lee meet in the middle of the ring with a clothesline from each. Tag to Parker, who comes in, they try to double team, Ortiz attempts an escape, but a drop toe hold drops Ortiz, and Parker drops an elbow. Cover for 1..2.NO!!!! Santana in to stop the pin. Ortiz escapes a bulldog by turing it into a bak drop. Tag to Lee. He gets tossed, in comes Garcia, back body drop. Santana is on the floor. Jericho wants the tag. Ortiz sees, on his knees, unsure, Santana up on the apron. Tag to Santana. Jericoh is hurt. Santan in with kicks, in comes Garcia, hops up, Santana catches him, dorps him with an awkward Broken Arrow type move. Santana hits a back elbow. Kick to Lee. Jericho has dropped to the floor. Santana rolls Ortiz into a cutter to both Lee and Parker. Ortiz sends Parker into a powerbomb, shoots him up, and Santana hits a clothesline and a cover. 1..2..NO!!!! In comes Garcia, Ortiz sends Garcia to the outside. Tag to Lee.

Parker and Lee grab Santana, looking for 2 For The Show, but Jericho is there to pull Parker out!! JUDAS EFFECT! Pin in the ring from Santana after a piledriver! 1..2…3!!!

Winners: Chris Jericho, Santana, and Ortiz
Just like the opening match felt like it moved with warp speed, this one moved like ketchup out of a glass bottle. The good news is, they told the story well. The action was a little slow and somewhat stilted, and Im not sure who to blame, but I am intrigued by the possibiulity of Santana and Ortiz moving on, even if just for a bit.
Total Rating: **
Match Time: 8:57

Backstage, Tony is in between Private Party/Matt Hardy and Jurassic Express/Christian.

Matt says no one cares about The Ass Boys. He gives Private Party some props, saying they’re getting a shot this Friday. Jungle Boy calls out Kassidy’s watch, saying it’s fake. Kassidy says Matt got it for him for Christmas. Lol.

PUNK IS HERE!

He says he tried to walk out like a bad ass, but Cleveland got him hyped. He’s here to fight. He’s taped up, he’s got his gear on. Y’all know who he wants to fight. Go ahead and chant his name! It’ll be the first time in history!

MJF chant while Schiavone interjects “sucks”hahahaha.

CM Punk wants to show off his souvenir from last week; MJF’s scarf. So apparently, the scarf is fake. In fact, it was made in Long Island, which means it was not made of strong material. Punk wants MJF in this ring. He’s gone through FTR, Wardlow, Spears. He wants MJF, and he wants him now.

Here he comes!!!

MJF wants his music cut, and so does Punk. YOU SUCK chant. They want MJF to change into his gear and wrestle him tonight? He knows you’re dumb, but not deaf. Is this what they want? He then says no. Are we out of our mind? Why would he waste one of the most historical matchups on Cleveland, OH. This place is disgusting. It’s a cesspool. He’ll give us the match next week..in Chicago.

CM Punk vs MJF

BUT! They’re not in Chicago; they’re in Cleveland. A place rich in historical significance to the man in the ring. This match is a dream match; they want it now. People are frothing at the mouth. They want it. Or at least, they think they do.

STFU chant

While the match itself is goin to be spectacular, the outcome will be upsetting. Not only will he beat Punk in his hometown, something unsettling will happen. We people will finally get to see the real CM Punk – the one who loses his fake smile the second he doesn’t get what he wants. The Punk who blames all of his failures on everyone else but himself. The CM Punk who is more than willing to sue if he feels he hasn’t gotten his just due. Our same hero who claimed he left wrestling, and came back will soon say that he is leaving wrestling again. He would never leave us again, right? He loves us!

Didn’t y’all say the same thing about Lebron James?

Hahahaha.

CM Punk lied. He left all of us, and all the fans who loved him and supported him when he was scheduled to make an appearance here in Cleveland in 2014. He no-showed and turned his back. What makes you think you wont do it again. And us? Watching at home? You think he gives a damn that we spent the last seven years chanting his name? None of these chants will stop him from turning his back again and crying about it on a podcast.

Punk on the mic; a podcast that you listen to because you’re a fan. The next two things he says are not mutually exclusive. The best thing he ever did was leave, and the best thing he ever did as come back, and if he didn’t come back, MJF wouldn’t have his brush with greatness. Go in the back, get his 3-inch lift boots and lace em up and let’s get to business.

Poor little Maxwell, sitting at home, watching his heroes on TV. They’re human beings. Sometimes you gotta take matters into your own hands, and that’s what he’s always does. He’s never lied. But he’d rather be him, and try and fail, than be MJF and never show up. MJF pay to see Punk, to stand in line, to get his autograph, and how dare he try and put it on these people. He stands by his decisions, and these people don’t love him because he wins or hate him because he loses. He gets back up, and he tries, and he fights, just lik Cleveland.

MJF says ok, let’s test that real quick.

Out come….FTR and Wardlow. All four men walk down the ramp

Spears, from behind, attacks Punk! In come FTR to attack Punk! Wardlow, slow to get in, waits. Spears with the chair, attacks Punk in the mid-section. Cash stands over Punk, holds him down. Dax holds the arms, Cash holds the legs, Spearss smacks him across the back with the chair, then cums in his pants.

Wardlow stands in the corner, not doing anything, staring down what’s going on. MJF has the mi, tells Punk to get up now, you dumb son of a bitch. Punk grabs the scarf and pulls MJF. Dax drops him. MJF goes to Wardlow, tells him to powerbomb Punk. FTR holds Punk up, sets him up under Wardlow’s legs. Spears lays the chair down.

Wardlow lifts Punk, POWERBOMB TO THE CHAIR! Punk sits on the chest of Punk.

HE CROSSES HIS LEGS!!! MJF says it’s so apropos that the same place his career started is where it will end. He’ll see Punk in Chicago.

The Acclaimed are upset. They bring out Moxley jumping him before the bell, then jumping Max after his match. Everyone si happy he’s back, but Bowens will get some revenge on Friday.

Backstage, Hart and Garrison are with Tony. In comes Jade’s manager, says Jade has personally chosen her to be the next challenger, but she’s gotta sign a waiver. Griff tells her she should chill and fully recover. Hart says she can fight her own battles, and signs the contract.

That was short, but rough. Lol.

Leyla Hirsch is here for some action.

Match 3: Leyla Hirsch vs Red Velvet
Red rushes the ring as soon as her music hits and goes for the kill. She looks for a finish, but Leyla rolls out of the ring. Leyla pulls Red out of the ring an pushes her into the apron, then the barricade.

Back in th ring, Red drops an axe kick to the back of the head, hits a knee, then a neckbreaker and splits on the apron. Red kiks the titty, then stomps Leyla a bit more .She grabs the wrist, wraps it up, tries for an arm bar! Leyla turns into it so Red gets a triangle. Leyla gets to her feet, lifts Red up and drops her in the corner, hard.

We are back and Red hops to the 2nd rope, spins, hits a cutter, but she is hurting. Drop toe hold to Leyla int othe rope. Red hits the ropes, runs with a double knees to the back! Red sells the left arm. Hits the ropes, wheelbarrow, Lelya with the waist lock, Red. Breaks it, Leyla hits a blow to the back, locks it again. Tries for a German, misses a right, spear from Red! Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Surprise knee strike from Leyla! Cover for 1..2..NO! Transition to an arm bar! Red gets a rope break! Ref counts to 4. Red is in the corner. Leyla with a running kick to the head. She pulls Red up, Red with a sunset flip, but Leyla counters, tries for an ankle lock, Red rolls her up, 1..2…NO!!!!

Kick from Red, Leyla rolls this through, holds the tights, 1..2….3!!!

Winner: Leyla Hirsch
A little sloppy, but the effort was there from both girls.
Total Rating: **
Match Time: 8:10

Leyl attacks after the bell. She gets an armbreaker in until Kris runs own the ramp to chase her around the ring then up the ramp.

Black and Brody get a video package. Black talks about a house being built on conflict, and what better way to please a crowd who feeds off of conflict and violence than Brody. Brody gets some promo time, saying just like death, they are inevitable.

Back after a break, and Tony is in the ring with a table for Britt Baker. Britt says it’s been a while since her and Cleveland have had a chat. She brings up her name being in the mouths of MJF and Punk. Look at the year that she’s had. We get some PWI awards on the table, and covers. She told us 2021 was going to be the era of DMD, and since the night that she’s won the title, she’s had nine victories. Her and Cleveland share a relationship with that number, because against the Steelers, Mayfield was sacked nine times. Of course, he was injured, all while Britt did all of this with a broken freaking wrist. Let’s talk about the Baker that actually wins shit…

This division was a wasteland, and she made it a Britopia. Anyone could have made this division theirs, but no one did. No one. She didn’t take anyone’s spot, she created the top spot. After she took over the entire division, she surpassed the entire roster, and became the face of AEW. She’s been making history since she first got here. She stands her, voted by you, female wrestler of the year. Cleveland made the history books this year again when Baker threw ten incompletions. What a guy. She says she is here for Cleveland. She will not just settle. She won’t settle until she is female of the decade, and you might as well give it to her onw. She said it once, she’ll say it again – she will be the Champion we deserve. Finally, a Baker we can count on.

EXCUSE MEEEEEEE

Vickie and Nyla are here. Nyla is pissed at Soho. She says Ruby got a fluke victory. She wants Ruby next week.

Match 4: Lights Out Match
Orange Cassidy vs Adam Cole
I miss the first minute or so, I’m sorry.

Orange has Cole outside, and hits a dropkick. He grabs Cole, sends him, nope, reversed, and Cole sends Orange into the barricade!! Cole drops Orange onto the barricade with a back suplex! Cole goes to the apron! He lifts it up, and a dude with facepaint is there! It’s Danhausen!

DanHausen points at Cole, but doesn’t do much other than stare and distract. Orange from out of nowhere with a DDT! Orange is just as condused as Cole as Danhausen walks up the ramp. Kick from Cole! He sends Orange into the post, then hops on the apron. Cole tries for a Panama Sunrise off the apron, but Orange tries turning that into a Beach Break! Cole gets to his feet, so Orange just lifts him and drops him through the table nearby! Orange wants the Orange Punch! He tries for it, but Cole holds the ring bell up in the way! Cole sends Orange into the steps! Cole puts the fingers of Orange between ring and steps, and kicks the steps! Cole grabs a trashcan and tosses it into the ring.

We are back, and Cole and Orange are playing tug of war with a chain. Cole wins because Orange sells his hand brilliantly. Cole hits a brainbuster and a pin for 1..2..NO!!!! Cole sets up some chairs for another brain buster, but Orange escapes, hits a Stundog, lifts Cole and hits a Michinoku Driver ONTO THE CHAIRS!!! Orange’s hand is bleeding. Orange runs, Superkick from Cole!

Cole calls for some help, and here comes Cutler with some cold spray. Yuta is here to take out Cutler, then Fish comes out to beat Yuta’s ass. Chucck Taylor out to send Fish into the barricade, but here come the Bucks for double superkicks to Taylor! They get to the ring, all three waiting for Orange, but here is Chuck and Rocky!!! They pull the Bucks out.

IN THE RING! BEACH BREAK!!!! Cover for 1..2….NO!!!!

Orange rips off the pad. He’s hyped!!!! He screams heay, ORANGE PUNCH! ORANGE IS IN PAIN!!! He writhes in pain! Cole is stirring. Orange grabs him, LOW BLOW FROM COLE! BUT COLE HURT HIMSELF! ORANGE HAS A CUP……WITH THUMBTACKS ON IT!!!!!

ORANGE WITH THE VICIOUS KICKS OF DOOM!!!!! ORANGE TO THE TOP ROP ROPE!!!! PANAMA SUNRISE TO ADAM COLE!!!!!! 1….2…….NO!!!!

Orange grabs the chain, hand still hurting. Cole leaves the ring! He walks up the ramp! Nooooo, don’t follow, Orange!!! Cole goes down the tunnel. Orange follows, hits a right, still hurts. Cole leaves down some steps, he sees Khan. Lynn covers Khan, Cole shoves Lynn, Orange holds him, Cole grabs Orange and hits a driver into the table nearby!!! 1…2…..NO!!!!

Khan is just like….there. lol.

Cole grabs Orange, hits a right hand, sends Orange back up the steps, towards the tunnels. They walk back out, Cole hits a right hand, Superkick to Orange!!! Cole drops the kneepad. Runs….ORANGE WAS FAKING IT!!!! He hops up! Superkick!!!! He wraps the chain around his fist, runs, but Cole hits him with a fucking light!!!!

Cole finds something to climb, and does it with gusto. Cole to the top of…something. He stands tall with the big screen behind him. But Orange is gone!!! HE’S BEHIND COLE!!!!! LOW BLOW TO COLE BAYBAY!!!!! Orange stands, hands in the air, he hugs Cole!!!!!

Orange looks down, Cole tries to escape, Orange tells Cole to hold him, lol. They fall through a stage area with an elbow and the ref counts the pin for 1..2….3!!!

Winner: Orange Cassidy
Well, on one hand there was so much to love here. I would imagine this was the end of a story, where even in loss, Cole will continue on to bigger and better things. This will certainly help serve the narrative that they are underutilizing Cole, but I just don’t feel that to be true. Orange is a Godsend, and I’m biased towards him, as we all know, but I loved so many little moments here.
Total Rating: *****
Match Time: -shrugs-

End Show