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Did y’all know that POPEYE’S is named after a freaking character from a movie? Wild. Learn this and more in the most recent edition of Michael Ornelas’s Fine Dining Podcast!
Imma leave this pic here for another week cuz LAWD!
Samantha Irvin breaks the internet with dazzling bikini mirror photo!#SamanthaIrvin#WWERaw#SmackDown pic.twitter.com/XUoBiJD6pl
— SA Sport WWE (@SASportWWE) July 18, 2024
We start with the WHOOAAA WHOOOOAAAAA OOOOOO OOOOOOOOOO!!!
Seth Rollins comes out in the second most fabulous referee gear ever.
(The first being this of course:
Credit: WWE)
Seth introduces CM Punk then immediately after, Drew McIntyre.
We are reminded by Seth that they cannot touch each other, and he also lets them know that if they lay a finger on Seth, then the match for SS is off.
This makes Punk roll out of the ring. Drew calls him a coward, and says to get back in. Punk says he’s not afraid of Drew or Seth, he’s worried about what he is going to do. So he’ll just take himself out of the situation and sit over here next to Pat.
Seth knows he loves to call the shots, loces to think he is in charge, everything has to be Punk’s way, but that’s not how this will work, nor will Summerslam work that way. He didn’t have to be the ref, he volunteered because these two idiots scared off any official back there. But he can go back there now and give back the shirt and the whole thing is off. BUT he wants to see the two of them fight. Drew wants this. The people want this fight.
Punk calls Seth the Boot Lickin’ Office Boy then gets in, says enjoy the power while you can.
Drew tells Seth don’t listen to him. Their relationship as a professional rivalry, they just wanna be the best. They are both arses, but they just want what’s best for the future of the WWE, and Punk is not it. He is a cancer. Corporate Man Punk, down in NXT poisoning the kids’ ears. He will screw this all up. Punk is the real enemy.
Seth stands by Drew’s side while he says all of this, then says he is right about one thing – if there is anyone that hates Punk as much as Drew, it’s Seth. The thing he is overlooking, however, is that if there is anyone that hates Drew as much as CM Punk, it’s also Seth. SO shut up, so he can get to the rules and regs for the Violent Masterpiece at Summerslam:
There is only one rule, one regulation: they will listen to everything he has to say. He calls the shots. He’s the boss, the law. He counts to 3 when he wants to. Punk taps when he says he can tap out. If there is a countout, maybe there won’t be. He may count to 10, 20, a million. DQ? Ehhhhhh, ref’s discretion. The bottom line is if either of these two get out of line or a prob with what he says, he is a spiteful bastard and he will put their head in the dirt.
CM Punk is laughing all of this off. He then gets to Seth, saying him being a ref is a hat on a hat, based on the way he dresses, he’s sure he likes something like that. He doesn’t believe Seth, he’s a liar. If he plans on screwing Punk, there is nothing he can do about that, but one thing he doesn’t want…if he hates either of them, he doesn’t want Seth’s help at all.
Drew says he is worried about the wrong person. He needs to worry about the man he screwed over and over again. “I hate you.” He hates Punk; he’s some kind of Charles Manson who has poisoned the fans’ mind. He has spent seven months saying all he had to say. At Rumble, he tore his tricep. He wasn’t even trying then. He screwed Drew at Mania, screwed him in front of his family, what does he think will happen Saturday. This is him chill. That bell is Punk’s enemy. When it rings, he will violently assault Punk. He will blacken both his eyes, break his jaw. He won’t stop until Punk’s heart does. The best thing about it is it’s in Cleveland, a stadium, he’s going to get paid so much to do something he’d do for free.
For ten years, he was absent from this company, and they chanted his name. They sing Seth’s song, chant his name. Drew is the third wheel. How does that feel? The one positive about Punk Derangement Syndrome, is that you get to be in his orbit, to breathe the rare air that he produces. He hopes Drew enjoyed the last six months, because hurting Punk was the best thing to happen to his career, and it was also the worst thing to happen to his career. For everything he has, how big he is, he’s stupid and keep dumbing himself out of position – out of the world title at Mania. He’s Drew’s enemy, but not his worst. He will do the same on Saturday. He’ s stepping in the ring with the best in the world. He isn’t as tall, big, or fast. But he’s got heart. He’s got the people chanting his name.
CM Punk chant.
What do you got, Punk asks.
Drew holds up the bracelet.
Punk nearly snaps, but instead goes nose to nose with his Summerslam opponent.
Backstage at The Judgment Day Headquarters!
The team find themselves in a heap of worry as their headquarters, including their Playstation gaming system, version 5, has been torn in disarray. Supposed leader Rhea Ripley blames the dastardly Liv Morgan and tells her beau, Dominik Mysterio she will handle it!
Join us next time, same Judgment Day time. Same Judgment Day channel!
We return to The Judgment Day Headquarters where OTHER leader Damien Priest walks in to speak [foreign language]!
He tells Finn Balor he should be out there tonight. Finn Balor says no, they need to handle Sami Zayn and Jey Uso. The young upstart, Dominik Mysterio says Carlito should handle them, and he agrees!
What trouble will Carlito lead our ragtag group of would be heroes? How will the talented Ms. Ripley fare against Liv Morgan? And just HOW BIG is JD McDonagh’s head? All this and more next week!
Otis and Akira Tozawa vs The Creed Brothers
The Creed Brothers try to double team Otis, but he overpowers both of them with clotheslines and tag in Akira. Another double team by the brothers allows Brutus to cover for 1…2..NO!!! Akira with a kick to the side of the head. He rushes the corner, hops to the apron, high kick to the head, missile dropkick to Brutus. Brutus rolls outside. Akira with a suicide dive!!! He grabs Brutus and sends him back into the ring then heads to the top rope! Julius is nearby and pulls Brutus out of the ring. Akira lands on his ass. Brutus back in, HUGE lariat spins Akira 360.
WE come back to Otis getting the hot tag. He hits Julius with a back elbow, sends him into the ringpost shoulder. First, then sees the potential for a caterpillar. Maxxine cheers him on. Gable hops onto the apron to distract. Julius tries to attack but Otis hits a World’s Strongest Slam then hits the Caterpiullar! Otis to the 2nd rope! Brutus attacks the back, grabs the mid, back body drop from Otis. Gable on the apron, right hand from Otis!
Creed Brothers climb up to join Otis, attack the back, then hit a back suplex to Otis. Cover for 1.2…3!!!
Winners: The Creed Brothers
I would have went with a bit more of a decisive win, as we’ve seen these brothers kick some major ass in the back, but considering they are firmly established as heels, I guess a cheat to win attitude is apropos.
Total Rating: **
Match Time: 7:42
After the match, Chad Gable attaks Otis with an ankle lock! In comes Maxxine! She walks up to Gable, who is yelling not so nice things, and smacks him to a big pop. Gable tries to corner Maxxine, but the lights go out and we get the fireflies!
A YOU FUCKED UP chant starts, awakening the censors, as Gable and The Creeds link arms and go back to back to back.
At the top of the ramp is the Bunny, the Pig, and the Buzzard. They walk down the ramp and pull themselves up to the apron. The ring lights go on as the three remove their helmets for the first time.
WE see Rowan,
Gable turns to leave, but Sister Abigail fly off the top rope onto Gable!!! We get an attack on The Creed Brothers, then Gacy powerbombs Lumis onto the boys. Rowan hits the ropes and hits a crossbody to The Creeds. Gable walks up the ramp holding his head, but behind him comes my Uncle and yours!
Uncle Howdy walks out, causing Gable to run away and exit stage left.
Uncle Howdy is left to laugh as we fade to black.
BACK AT THE LEGION OF JUDGMENT!
Carlito has created quite the predicament for one Dominik Mysterio, pitting him against the plucky Sami Zayn. Dom, none too pleased, explodes at the thought, then says it is up to Carlito to dispose of the Yeeting Yokel Jey Uso! Rhea seconds that emotion, and we see Carlito leave in a huff.
Suspense builds!
Sheamus vs Bronson Reed
Sheamus starts with some kicks and all-around ass beatery, resulting in a big clothesline sending Reed to the outside. He heads to the top rope and flies with a clothesline. Sheamus waits for Reed to stand, rushes him, but Reed with a Samoan Drop onto the announce table! It doesn’t give!
Reed: “King Kong ain’t got shit on me!”
We are back, and Reed is telling Sheamus he isn’t relevant anymore. Sheamus takes some offense, beats him down a bit, then hits a short armed clothesline. Reed is upset. He hits the ropes, bg knee to Reed! Cover! 1..2..NO!!! Sheamus with the eyes that say, “This fucker is a tough one.” Sheamus tries to fireman’s Reed, Reed hits an elbow, shoves Sheamus to the corner. Reed rushes the corner, Sheamus with kicks out the corner, he pulls himself up in the corner, to the top rope, flies with a clothelsine, rolls through, Reed lifts him up, DVD!!! Cover for 1.2…NO!!! Reed drags Sheamus towards the corner and heads to the top rope. Sheamus to his feet. Right hand to Reed. Another. Another. Sheamus climbs. GETS REED TO HIS SHOULDERS! White Noise!!! Cover!! 1.2….NO!!!!
Bronson rolls over to the apron and stands up, breathin heavy. Sheamus creeps up behind him. He grabs Reed and gives him a 16 count of chest beating! He wants in the corner. Reed is not so quick to stand. Sheamus beats his chest.
But PETE DUNNE IS ON THE APRON WITH A SHILLELAGH!! He clocks Sheamus a good one, and Sheamus is KO’d! Reed rolls into the ring, ref turns with him, TSUNAMI! Cover! 1.2….3!!!!
Winner: Bronson Reed
Dunne vs Sheamus is going to be siiiiick.
Total Rating: **1/2
Match Time: 9:55
We get a video promo from Bron Breakker where he says he only took Sami as seriously as he would a stand up comic. Sami is already preparing for a life after wrestling. “Sami Zayn and Friends.” While he has been prepping for life after wrestling, Bron has been in the gym, working. This Saturday, the joke is on Sami, and the IC will be on him.
Carlito vs Jey Uso
SUPERKICK! Haha. Nice. Cover from Jey. 1..2…NO!!! Carlito rolls out, Jey hits the ropes. Suicide dive! He rolls Carlito back in, hits a right hand. Corners Carlito for the beatdown. Carlito pulls Jey into the 2nd buckle face first. Neckbreaker from Carlito.
We are back to Jey with the Yeetdown! Hip attack in the corner is thwarted, he shoots Jy over the top rope, high kick from Jey. Jey to the corner, flies off and lands on his feet then gets hit with a Spinebuster!!! Cover for 1..2.NO!!!!
Carlito mounts with punches. Carlito with his apple! He takes a big bite, but Jey rolls him up for 1..2..NO!!!! SPEAR! Cover! 1..2…..3!!!!!
Winner: Jey Uso
Nothing of note happened during the little bit we saw on either end of the commercial, but I do believe Carlito has found his footing, finally.
Total Rating: *
Match Time: 7:55
Backstage, Zelina Vega gets her arm kicked into a very nice looking elevator door by Sonya and friends.
We are backstage with The Miz who has a special announcement. He says he will be hosting Summerslam, so that’s fun.
Here comes R-Truth to ask Miz what is he talking bout, Millis.
Truth says he’ll bring the ice.
Karrion Cross wants some mic time, first. He says he was notified that Kofi re-injured his shoulder, and tht’s why he is not here tonight. Does Woods believe that? No, he didn’t come because the world no longer revolves around him. Also, Minnesota is a hell-hole. He wanted to to give Woods a way out of this beating. He still believes in him. He wants Woods to join The Final Testament. He then wants Woods to say the Power of Positivity was one big lie. He also wants to tell Kofi that he should have retired when he lost the title in just six seconds.
Woods attacks!
Xavier Woods vs Karrion Cross
The bell rings and he shoots Cross outside. He dives through the ropes with a dropkick to Cross.
We are back from a break nd Woods is beating own on the left arm, but Cross corners him then whips hard into th corner. Splash then a back elbow, then a rolling elbow. An Exploder from Cross. Woods chops Cross away over and over. Whips from Cross, misses some right hands, Woods slides under, right hand to the head. Woods with a right elbow in th corner. Cross with the fireman’s, Woods slinks off. Rollup. 1..2.NO!!! Cross shoots him off, and Akam gets a cheap shot. Cross with a pumhandle, Woods lands on his feet, kick to the chin. Suicide dive to AkaM!!! He sends Razar into the post! To the apron, big boot to Crooss!
Woods misses an elbow drop. Cross lifts Woods, Final Prayer! Cover! 1.2….3!!!!
Winner: Karrion Cross
I know SOME (read: one) of you tire of me saying that commercials absolutely gut a match, but this is a match that shows exactly what I mean. It’s not so much that EVERYTIME a commercial is in the middle of a match, it fucks it up, but when the match is only 6 minutes long, and nothing of note happens before or after, then it falls flat. Couple this with the reality that I don’t think this current Cross push is working, and we get this.
Total Rating: *
Match Time: 6:17
Sami Zayn is backstage, says he did a comedy show the night before the match in Toronto, and he beat Bron. Bron said it himself: he underestimated Sami. Clearly, he is not doing that aymore. He has jumped Sami from behind week after week. Even last week, when he teamed with his dawg, his Uce. Every week, it’s fine, he gets it. Bron is hungry. His attitude is different this time around. This time, it’s just about beating Bron’s ass. As for Judgment Day and Dom, he’ll go handle that right now.
We follow Sami all the way to his entrance.
We cut to a hot Liv crying in front of a barrel in front of a truck with Dominik on it. She is burning pics of Dom. She would have done it all for him. But he is not a man, he’s just Rhea’s little bitch. She burns. Shirt, says she wishes she could take back all the tears she wasted. All she can do now is ruin Rhea’s life. At Summerslam, she will complete the tour. She will defeat her and stand in the ring with her arm raised as she hears those three little words: Women’s World Champion.
She cackles, with tears falling down her face.
Sami Zayn vs Dominik Mysteiro
Dom hops on the corner to gloat, then hops down and kicks Sami. Sami works the arm, spinnin Dom to his back. Dom corners Sami, hits some right hands. Punches. Sami reverses and Dom rolls out of the window. He rols back in, they run the ropes, and Sami sends Dom to the outside .He gets to the apron, kicks Dom, then hits a moonsault.
We are back and Dom is kicking Sami in the back of the head a few times. Crossface hits to Sami then a cravat. Sami corners Dom, Dom elbows out and climbs up then flies off with a DDT! Cover! 1..2..NO!!! Sami up, leap frog, clothesline. To the top rope, he drops an axe on the head. Sami with a Blue Thunder attempt, but Dom elbows Samiddown then goes for the Three Amigos. He hits all three then heads to the top. Tries for a splash, Sami up, roll through. Exploder. Dom with the rollup! 1..2..NO!!! Locks the head again, but Sami with a back body drop! JD is here!
Dom with a dropkick sends Sami to the ropes! He tries for a 619 ut Sami hits a clothesline! He grabs Sami! BLUE THUNDER BOMB! Cover! 1..2.NO!!! Judgment Day attacks for the DQ~!!!!
Winner: Sami Zayn via DQ
Sami is always a good time.
Total Rating: **1/2
Match Time: 8:09
Judgment Day continues to attack, but here comes Jey Uso to help out!!! He clears the ring, Sami stands tall, but Bron Breakker! is here! He tries for a spear, but Sami with a big kick to Bron!!!! Exploder into the corner! Tries for a Helluva Kick, but Breaker rolls out of the ring!
We get a Wyatt6 tape now!
We see Dexter Lumis all done up. He says they built an empire next to the see then laughed as they watched him drown, but there is freedom in sinking. Look at what he has become. Tell Howdy, brother, tell him. What should they do when the buzzards start circling?
Dexter shouts to RUN.
Backstage, Gable is with Pearce. He has figured out who they are. Pearce says he knows, they are under contract. Gable wants a six man next week against them. Pearce considers it official.
Rhea Ripley gets a promo for Liv. Liv took three months from her, touche by the way, but she has also taken her title. Tried to manipulate her family. At Summerslam, she will get her revenge.
Lyra Valkyria, Kayden Carter, and Katana Chance vs Sonya Deville, Shayna Baszler, and Zoey Stark
Lyra and Sonya to start. They go back and forth till Sonya tags in Shayna, who tags Zoey before entering the ring and grabbing Lyra. Dropkick from Zoey. Lyra slinks off th back, works the arm, WE get a tag to Carter then Chance and they do some double teaming, sending Zoey to the floor outside. Lyra hits the ropes and dives with a kick to Zoey.
We are back and Sonya has Lyra cornered in the heel corner. Lyra elbows out, flies for a tag, but Sonya grabs the boot and pulls her to the center. Lyra kicks her away, tag to Carter. She side steps a knee, kicks Sonya and Zoey off the apron. Shayna got the tag and Carter knocks her down a few times. Carter with right, left, A hard right to the face. Whip to the ropes is reversed, wheelbarrow, roll up, roll through, kick to Shayna. Carter bounces off the 2nd rope with a leg drop and a cover for 1.2.NO!!! Carter tries to kick, misses and lands on the bottom rope Shayna with a kick. Tag to Zoey. Rana from Carter, sends Baszler outside. Zoey with a kick, tag from Katana. She flies in, Lyra with a tag, Carter sends Katana to Zoey, who hits a Codebreaker, Lyra with a powerbomb, cover for 1.2.NO!! Shayna with a running knee to the head, Shyna in with a knee of her own. In come Carter and Chance. They send the heels out, drag Lyra to the corner. Tag from Carter, she enters the ring, grabs Zoey, backs up and tags in Chance. Carter sets up for a neckbreaker, but Sonya pulls Carter out.
Zoey tries to slam Chance off the top rope, but she rolls up for 1..2NO!! Knee to Chance, then a Z360! Cover! 1.2….3!!!
Winners: Zoey Starks, Shayna Baszler, and Sonya Deville
A means to an end, really, as the win was obvious. Not bad, not great. Right in the middle.
Total Rating: **
Match Time: 8:33
The team celebrates until…the music of Damage CTRL hits! They are here, in all black, and they are pissed. The run down to the ring, slide in, and we get a quick clearing of the ring. Iyo Sky to the top rope. She hits a moonsault off the corner onto all three of them then Damage Ctrl poses in the ring.
Hot.
Gunther cuts an empty arena promo on Finn Balor, calling him sreet trash. He wonders how much of the old Finn Balor is still left in him. As for Priest, he will never forgive him for abusing this great sport to cover up his pathetic existence. After Summerslam, he and we will forever remember the day that The Ring General saved this great sport and the World Heavyweight Championship.
Gunther vs Finn Balor
LOCKUP!!!! Side headlock takedown from Finn, blocked, tries again, Gunther sends him to the ropes, Finn holds on. Gunther turns into the hold, and bcks Finn up into the corner. Big chop, but Finn ducks under and hits a chop of his own. Gunther is pissed. Finn hits another, then another, and Gunther hits him hard with one, knocking him to the mat. Back body drop from Finn and a dropkick to Gunther. Running kick to the ribs. Stomp from Finn. Over and over near the ropes so the ref break it. Fin nwalks away to celebrate and Gunther hits him with a big boot on the turnaround.
We are back and Gunther chops Finn down to his back, then grabs both legs and tries for the Boston Crab. He gets it locked in and Finn screams in agony. He reaches for the ropes, crawling towards them, then finally gets em. Ref breaks the hold and Gunther wlaks away. Gunther lfits Finn with a sleeper and corners him then attacks the back. Gunther takes Finn to the top rope and looks for a back suplex, but Finn spins midair and gets a crossbody. Kick from Finn, another, chop to the chest, a right, an uppercut, right, left, Gunther lifts Finn to the shoulders, but Finn drops off and drops an elbow to the chest! Cover! 1.2…NO!!! Gunther sends balor flying, then chops him in the chest. Sleeper hold! Gunther spins Finn, in between the legs, tries for a powerbomb but Finn turns it into a DDT! Hits the ropes, clothesline! Gunther still stands. Finn tries again, but a HUGE lariat from Gunther drops him hard! Cover! 1.2..NO!!! Finn chops. Gunther chops harder. Finn doesn’t back down. They exchange chops. Uppercut from Gunther, Another powerbomb try, but Finn lands on his feet, hits the ropes. SLINGBLADE ATTEMPT but Gunther gets a sleeper! He drops to the floor, rolls out, stomp to Gunther. Takedown and another stomp from Finn! Ginn with a final stomp to the back. Finn waits in the corner. Runs, shotgun dropkick! Balor to the top rope! COUP DE-NO!!!! SLEEPER FROM GUNTHER! Gunther spins him and hits a powerbomb and a stacked pin for 1..2.NO!!! Gunther lifts him up for another sleeper!
Finn drops to a knee, another, he’s fading! Finn with one last attempt! Tries to escape, but Gunther cinches the hold and sits Finn down. He locks the waist up! Ref calls it!
Winner: Gunther
This coulda went another ten minutes and I wouldn’t have minded. Great shit, great main event, and a good sell for Summerslam.
Total Rating: ***1/2
Match Time: 12:18
Gunther releases the hold long enough for Finn to get some air, then locks it right back in!!! Finn is out, and here comes Priest!! They go hand for hand in the ring. Priest drops him with a right and Gunther rolls out. Priest follows, keeps beating him down. Gunther tries to chop away, but Priest is hitting some haymakers, sending Gunther all the way to the announce table. Priest grabs him on top of the table and beats down with right hands over and over, adding lefts for fun. Priest stands tall atop Gunther, but he slinks off the table. Priest drops an elbow to the neck, then sends Gunther into the Prime station as we end the show.
End Show
