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Wrestling’s 4R’s 1.30.12: Smackdown, IMPACT & Superstars Reviewed
How the 4R’s of wRestling Work!
Here is a quick explanation of the 4R’s. The column will run TWO times a week. We will group our feelings on the shows in various categories: The Right, the wRong and the Ridiculous. The Right is stuff that worked very well: a great promo, a great match and so on. PuRgatoRy is a section between the right and wrong. It shows equal traits from both sides that cannot be ignored and needs discussed. It is not a bad place per say, as things can get remedied or go the wrong way the very next week. The wRong is what it sounds like: bad matches, bad or boring promos and so on. The Ridiculous is stuff that had no right on TV: Stupid angles and so on. And there is always a possibility of a 5th R, which is as bad as they come, unless you are TNA. They have a special R all of their own, the 6th R; the Russo-FN-Riffic~! Of course, that may not happen much any more due to him not having as much power as he used to. This column is supposed to be analytical, and at the right time very critical of the shows, it was the whole reason it was created. This is not a “mark” column, nor a “smark” column, our goal is to analyze the show from many different fronts, reward the good and call out the bad. We will not apologize for our opinions, they are as they are, whether positive or negative.
Let’s rock…
By: LARRY CSONKA
WWE Smackdown 1.27.12:
QUICK RESULTS
– Cody Rhodes defeated Justin Gabriel @ 2:10 via pin [NR]
– Sheamus defeated Drew McIntyre @ 2:50 via pin [NR]
– Epico and Primo defeated Santino and Yoshi Tatsu @ 2:00 via pin [NR]
– Hunico defeated Ted DiBiase @ 0:50 via pin [NR]
– The Fuckin Funkasauraus Brodus Clay defeated Alex Riley @ 0:40 via pin [NR]
– Aksana defeated Natalya @ 0:05 via pin [Fucking Horse Shit]
– The Big Show defeated Mark Henry @ 1:10 via countout [NR]
I do not rate matches under three-minutes long.
Go Climb Back Up Whatever Beanstalk You Came From! Oh Shit, Mark Henry’s Here Too! Basically Anything Involving Big Show, Mark Henry and Daniel Bryan: Smackdown wasn’t the best of shows this week, but I did feel that the stuff involving Daniel Bryan, the Big Show and Mark Henry was very good. The opening of the show set the stage well, replaying the Big Show taking out AJ. This led to Show finally appearing to discuss what happened. Show is underrated I feel at times in his promo work, as he came off as apologetic and honest here. As he teased retirement Daniel Bryan came out, was a complete dick, called him a freak, said he was NO Andre the Giant and told him to leave. He even had the stones to slap the giant. Show snapped and guzzled him in the corner, stating what happened to AJ was an accident, but what he would do to him Sunday wouldn’t be. Mark Henry would also appear, only for Teddy Long to announce a match between him and Show for later in the night.
Later we saw Bryan being a manipulative bastard, trying to convince Henry to injure Show so that they could face one on one. He even said he wanted to fight Henry straight up, but that Long didn’t want either of them as a champion. This then led to Bryan convincing AJ’s best friend Kaitlyn to go to Show and tell him of Henry’s heinous plans, while blowing off her question as to his true feelings about AJ. What a bastard. This would bring us to the main event, which had to be creatively edited due to Henry’s injury, but I feel came off well. Bryan was able to use some chair shots, and even got the LeBell lock on Show. He would escape, but Bryan would get away before eating the WMD punch from Show. The writing and performance by the three men worked very well this week, I just wish the rest of the show could have been as good.
Cody Gets Momentum Going Into the Rumble: While most of the short matches thoroughly annoyed me, I did like the opener for what it was. Last week Justin Gabriel got involved with Cody Rhodes over the Hornswoggle deal, and earned himself a non-title match this week. While short like the other matches, it was filled with energy, and Cody got the clean victory leading into the Rumble. I have said that Cody is doing a great job, but that he also needs to pick up some victories straight up, with no shenanigans. He did that here, and that is a good thing.
The Fuckin Funkasauraus Baby!: I love this man. Seriously, the gimmick is fun, he is killing geeks, he has hot chicks, and the crowds love him. Add on top of that the fact that Alex Riley was dancing like a goof, and then got destroyed, this was all good to me. I like Brodus, I dig the character, and it is simply fun right now and there is nothing wrong with that.
Randy Orton Returns: WWE had advertised a Randy Orton return for this week’s Smackdown, and that is what we got. Wade Barrett came to the ring, cut his promo reminding us that Orton would be nothing like he used to be ad we got a video package, showing their match and Orton getting tossed down the steps. This was simple, to the point and a nice refresher. Orton was then spotted backstage, he rushed out and they brawled until referees and the geek squad eventually came out to stop them. This allowed Wade to escape, after a cheap shot, and then the geek squad fed at the ROK buffet, and everyone seemed happy. Orton is back, he wants to kill Wade, and he showed that he was fine as he dished out RKOs to the movie ninjas as they came one at a time. This was a fine segment.
The Tag Team Champions Toil Around, But Does Anyone Remember That They Are Champions?: We had the tag team champions in action, even though they have no real challengers to face these days. They attempted to set the match up backstage with COMEDY as Santino and Yoshi Tatsu argued over the name of their tag team, tremendous, and by that I mean it sucked. The match, like all matches on this show, was short, but I will say that it was entertaining. Our heel champions took the victory, which is good for them, but I have to say that the WWE HAS to do something with this tag team division. I know Bourne’s wellness issues have caused issues, but outside of the Usos, they have not bothered to establish any real tag teams on the main TV shows. I am giving them a bit of a break this week, but Epico and Primo are a fun team, the Usos are also fun, but I NEED more if they want me to care.
Hunico vs. Ted DiBiase: This was one of those things that didn’t have to be on the show, well at least in this way. First of all, no one wanted to see the 257th match between Hunico and DiBiase. No one. Not even their families. Secondly, I generally hate the, “send the injured guy out there for the injury angle” deal. This took up TV time (entrances and match time included) that could have been given to an actual wrestling match. All they had to do is shoot an angle backstage with Hunico and Camacho peddling away on their bike as we see DiBiase laid out backstage. Short, simple, still gets the same point across.
Seriously, Drew McIntyre is Back?: I have no choice but to put Drew’s return to Smackdown in the ridiculous. As I discussed on Friday’s Podcast, when people ask me why buy rates are dropping and why people do not care about stipulation matches, this is exactly it. You cannot constantly do stipulations and then the next week basically pretend that they do not mean anything. I still contend that the losing streak gimmick will do him no good; all he looks like is a whiny loser week in and week out. I like Drew McIntyre, I think he has a lot of potential, unfortunately this booking will not help him at all, and that is a shame.
I DID NOT NEED TO SEE THE KANE vs. RYDER SHIT, AGAIN, ALMOST IN ITS ENTIRETY: Yes, I hated it the second time just as bad. If you missed what I wrote on Friday…
Zack Ryder is a Pussy, Kane Kills Him, Eve is Angry and Cena Gets Constipated: This whole deal generally pissed me off. Yes I get that the end game is to make Cena question himself and to make he fans question Cena, but overall I felt that it came off poorly and that they missed a big opportunity when it was completed. All right, to start, I know that Zack Ryder isn’t exactly a badass dude, but did he have to be completely afraid of having to face Kane? I mean, come on, he got chokeslammed off the loading dock, I’d be a little pissed and looking for revenge. Now John Cena was banned from ringside, and we KNEW that Ryder was going to lose, and that there was the possibility of the injury angle, and again, this is fine. But Kane slowly destroys him for 13-minutes, Ryder got next to nothing in, and during the match, the crowd started not to care and began amusing themselves. That is never a good sign kids. So Kane kills Ryder, we have the big dramatic stretcher job and Eve places all of the blame on Cena. Again, this could have been fine, but instead of Cena cutting a passionate promo about Kane taking out Ryder and looking for revenge, all we got was Cena standing there, looking constipated. Unfortunately, I continue to not enjoy the Cena/Kane saga as it continues.
WHO DID NATALYA PISS OFF?: Ok, I would REALY like to know who Natalya pissed off. Not only has her treatment gone from “dominant women to losing all the time,” but also we are now moving onto embarrassing her. If you missed this glorious segment, she storms into Teddy’s office demanding a rematch with Tamina. After some jerk off jokes by Aksana, Teddy decides to make a match between Aksana and Natalya. Besides the bad acting this could have been passable, but then, then they entered into WrestleCrap territory. As the three of them stand there, we hear the loudest, fakest fart noise. Natalya runs off, making it seem like it was her, Teddy and Aksana look revolted and bail and then Santino walks in and almost passed out. THIS REALLY HAPPENED. I cannot make this up. And the nit gets worse, we have “the match,” in which Natalya gets rolled up and loses in about five-seconds.
Part of me thinks that WWE is pissed about the Martha Hart lawsuit or Bret didn’t do something Vince wanted and Natalya is eating the punishment for it. What a bunch of bullshit.
| The 411 Outside of the angle surrounding the World Heavyweight Title, this show was largely forgettable and not what I would describe as a good show. It just screamed of throwing shit out there with not much planning, and while there were some other things I did enjoy, this was not a strong go home effort for the PPV. While the main angle was very good, I just couldn’t stop thinking that, as I was watching this show, that they did not give a shit about it at all. I hate to say that because Smackdown is usually my favorite TV show of the week. Bottom line is that, in my opinion, this was not a strong effort heading into one of the biggest PPVs of the year. SHOW RATING: 4.0 As a reminder, I will be going by the 411 scale.. 0 – 0.9: Torture |
By: Greg DeMarco
Impact Wrestling 01.26.12:
QUICK RESULTS:
* Tara beat Mickie James and Velvet Sky in 9:51 [***]
* Alex Shelley pinned Zema Ion in 4:23 [***]
* Eric Young & ODB beat Winter & Angelina Love in 6:59 [*1/2]
* Matt Morgan pinned Samoa Joe in 5:01 [**1/2]
* Jeff Hardy & James Storm beat Bobby Roode & Bully Ray in a tables match [***]
Opening Match: The opening match itself was another good outing for the Knockouts. I was surprised that Tara got the win, since Mickie James has the issue with Gail Kim. But I suspect Mickie will keep Madison from getting involved at the PPV, since Mickie-Gail is likely building towards Lockdown. Bonus for this match? It opened the show, NOT a promo!
Alex Shelley vs. Zema Ion: Another great showcase for the X-Division, but if Austin Aries got to pick Shelley’s opposition, where was he? Not on commentary, not even there to introduce the opponent? And why didn’t Aries but Shelley against Kid Kash & Jesse Sorensen as well, in an Ultimate X Match? If you give a guy like Aries the chance to book something, his character would stack the odds against Shelley.
Garett Bischoff video: I hated the idea of playing it twice, but Garett Bischoff is still impressing me with his attitude and promo abilities. He’ll make it, Devon’s sons will not.
AJ Styles wants answers from Christopher Daniels & Kazarian: This is Vince Russo’s current pet soap opera, and it is working for me. Daniels, the best talker of the bunch, is really carrying things, and I hope it leads to a push for him. That said, I have one concern: does Russo have an end in mind? And will it payoff?
James Storm & Jeff Hardy vs. Bobby Roode & Bully Ray, Tag Team Tables Match: I liked the match itself, and the ending made perfect sense. Roode lost, but his partner was nowhere to be found. Thus, it was 2 on 1, and it was a table spot, not a fall. The end with Bully Ray standing tall worked for me as well. This feud is one of wrestling’s best, and I look forward to the assumed Four-Way at Against All Odds.
Tables Match Set-up: We had a long, drawn out battle backstage to start the show, and the four men couldn’t stop fighting during Sting’s promo, either. It quickly became too much. Especially since TNA announced the match earlier in the week.
Matt Morgan vs. Samoa Joe: Matt Morgan beat a former world champ in 5 minutes with a clothesline. What? However, Joe & Magnus got the better of the champs in the end, leading to their title match at Against All Odds. I’ll say it again—the Wildcard Tag Team Tournament gets better & better the more success Joe & Magnus have.
Angelina Love & Winter vs. Eric Young & ODB: This match got over 6 minutes while Robbie E isn’t defending the TV title on television. And the first two minutes were a complete waste. This was borderline Ridiculous, but I let it remain in The Wrong.
None
| The 411 Another spoiler free episode of Impact Wrestling for Greg DeMarco. This show seemed to have some pacing issues, but the majority of the wrestling was good to great. Yes, there was some crap (Eric Young & ODB vs. Angelina Love & Winter), and the overuse of brawling between the main eventers got old…but Impact Wrestling paid off where it needed to, in the ring and in the main event. SHOW RATING: 7 As a reminder, I will be going by the 411 scale… 0 – 0.9: Torture |
By: Jeremy Thomas
WWE Superstars 01.26.12:
QUICK RESULTS
Jinder Mahal def. Tyson Kidd [* 1/2]
Beth Phoenix def. Brie Bella [* 1/4]
Kofi Kingston def. Michael McGillicutty [** 3/4]
KOFI KINGSTON vs. MICHAEL McGILLICUTTY: SO Kofi apparently is back on his singles career post-Air Boom, which makes sense whether you believe the “Evan Bourne is gone” rumors or not. It makes sense that they start him out on Superstars, and as I write this (which is before the Rumble, obviously) I am predicting a strong Kofi showing at the PPV to give him a bit of a push into being a legitimate midcarder again. Obviously this meant he had to win on Superstars and he did exactly that against Michael McG, but not before putting together a very decent match. Mikey M is as dull as dishwater when he picks up a microphone but he’s decent in the ring and can put together a good match with a guy like Kofi. That’s what we got in a nice little twelve minute match that did both guys some good. The crowd could have been more into it but they’ve been trained not to care about Michael M so what can you do? Anyway, I thought they strung together a good match and it ended Superstars on a strong note.
BETH PHOENIX vs. BRIE BELLA: Oh Brie. Brie, Brie, Brie. Listen, honey…I appreciate that you’re trying. It’s great that you’re actually putting some effort into your work as of late and honestly, kudos…you deserve credit for that. Definitely keep that up. This, however, was not your match. This was a squash by Beth to put her over strong and good for that; Beth needs a win and it was good to see her on the show. Obviously this was just a flattening with some Twin Magic attempts to extend the running time out and I thought it was okay for what it was and considering the talent involved. Nothing great, but we’ve seen FAR worse from the Bellas.
TYSON KIDD vs. JINDER MAHAL: One of the curses of covering Superstars is that you’re pretty much guaranteed at the moment to be seeing Jinder Mahal every week. I’m pretty outspoken about my disdain for this guy and yet he is kept strong on Superstars because he is able to get anti-USA heel heat. Listen, but a turban on my head and toss me in a WWE ring, fans will boo me just as much without having any clue who I am and without me ever saying a word. It’s wrestling business 101: foreign heel = good cheap heat. I refuse to believe that he has shown anyone anything beyond crowd reactions that justifies his holding even a minor push in the company, but here you have it. This match wasn’t as bad as many we’ve seen from Mahal, largely because Tyson Kidd sold like a champ as he is wont to do. I didn’t hate this as much as I do most Mahal matches but I certainly didn’t like it either and I can’t in good conscience put this any higher than wRong for the simple fact that Mahal’s push needs to end.
NADA
| The 411
Another perfectly average and inoffensive but skippable Superstars. The show has been in a bit of a holding pattern as of late and I don’t expect that to change much, but at least we always get at least one good match out of it. Now if we can just get Jinder Mahal shuttled off to FCW, all will be well. SHOW RATING: 6.0 As a reminder, I will be going by the 411 scale.. 0 – 0.9: Torture |
By: Tony Acero
Smackdown! 01.27.12:
Beastwagon let me know that Jinder is nothing but a prop for Barrett and how this could work, based on past stables:
What else can you do with new televised talent w/ no future? … make them a Barrett goon. Fits Wade’s character, might give the rookie some experience & who knows he might learn something, if not, Wade has a quick battle with Jinder (after Jinder has had his ass handed to him by Orton & Sheamus, before their PPV battle w/ Barrett) & Jinder is back to jobber & future endeavored!
Wade is a prick Batman villain, & Batman villains always have henchmen! I’d rather see Jinder flesh out Barrett’s character than have a storyline with Dibiase.
While I found your excitement invigorating, I don’t think they’re going this route with Barrett. The thing about Jinder is that he’s just another example of laziness from the writers team. He’s a foreigner, so he’s gotta have the evil heel shtick. It just doesn’t work anymore and comes off as another thing to not care about more than a thing to dislike due to heeldom. Aside from that, he’s still pretty green in the ring. I see the potential, and I think he can be good, but not right now, and definitely not with the gimmick he has now. Teaming him with Wade would do nothing for him, as you pretty much showed.
The Great Capt. Smooth has a tasteless joke that made me chuckle:
Wow! When given the chance, most writers on this site like to dodge Mahal!(sorry, that was bad)
Some would say our dislike could really Jinder his growth…
MPJ seems to have misunderstood just a bit what I was saying last week:
Regarding the comment on the blindfold match and “not knowin.” McIntyre spun the wheel himself if I am not mistaken, pretty sure the wheel landing on a “blindfold match” gave them a clue to what the match was, even if the stereotype is that wrestlers are not that smart.
My claim to their negligence of time continuity is only heightened by your comment. Yes, they knew right then and there what the match would be, so where, exactly, did they get a little mini-hoodie for the Cobra if they had no clue that it wold be a blindfold match until the moment of. As I said last week, this is the smallest of complaints, but still something I noted.
Finally, SS87 defends Tamina’s in ring work:
What exactly makes Tamia a dangerous worker? To me, she’s one of the few who doesn’t botch or anything. Honestly, she barely even wrestles. You saw her most recent match with Kelly Kelly? She tried her best to make KK’s awful uncoordinated slow offense look good. Felt like HBK wrestling a broomstick.
Sup, SS! The Divas Division sucks, and while I wouldn’t call Tamina dangerous, I will not say that she has any of the skills her bloodline would have you believe she possesses. She’s about as wooden as all the other divas, and could use a lot of work. As you said, though, she hardly even wrestles. If the commenters want to talk about dangerous divas, look no further than Axe Kick Alicia, who be bustin hoes in the head.
QUICK RESULTS
– Cody Rhodes Defeated Justin Gabriel [**]
– Sheamus Defeated Drew McIntyre [**]
– Primo and Epico Defeated Yoshi Tatsu and Santino Marella [**]
– Hunico Defeated Ted DiBiase [*]
– Brodus Clay Defeated Alex Riley [1/2*]
– Aksana Defeated Natalya [NO STARS!!!]
– Big Show Defeated Mark Henry via countout [NR]
BRYAN AND HENRY SAVE THE OPENING: Boy, this was going downhill pretty quickly with Show standing there, showing off his Knucklehead acting chops. You know,, I think I understand where they are coming from, and I’m sure there’s a big kid watching, thinking to himself that he is not alone, because Big Show was a freak, too. I’m sure it tugs at his heart strings and may very well change his life. To that, I applaud Show. However, he really needs to cut the tears and overacting. Ok, enough about Show. Bryan comes down shortly thereafter and freakin demolishes him with words, breaking down the big man for all that he’s worth and being a bully. This is hilarious simply because Show is the big guy, and we got lil man Bryan just slappin the shit out of him. All of this brings out “Angry” Show, which is much more fun than the soft teddy bear. To remind us all that he still exists, Henry comes out and continues his bad-assery on the microphone. While this is in the Right, I can only hope that after the Rumble, we move on to something a bit more exciting.
RHODES VS GABRIEL AND STAGNANCY PROBLEMS: WE saw this last week, but it was still fun. I really want some more time between the two, because I see some potential for bad assery in all types of shades. I’m not 100% sure on what they are doing with Gabriel, but if they want him to look legit, then maybe a win here wouldn’t have hurt. Then again, we are to believe that Cody may be an integral part in the Rumble, so I’m ok with it. The issue here is actually an issue within the fed as a whole. With the Rumble coming up, they’ve kind of put everything into a stand-still and are just allowing the wheels to roll towards the PPV. It’s not a bad thing, I suppose, but it does make the shows leading up to the big one a bit stagnant.
SHEAMUS VS MCINTYRE AND REPETITION PROBLEMS: As I said, all of the mid-carders are kind of just floating in the water that is January until the PPV, and this is yet another example. I don’t think any of us know where this Drew thing is going, nor do I feel the writers know. I loved the suplexes Drew pulled out in the match and saw potential for a great match here. Sheamus also needs to be careful, as he is becoming somewhat one note in the ring. He’s great, but if I can call his match with my eyes clothes, then that means he’s heading into Cena’s 5 Moves of Doom territory and nobody wants that. The only reason why this has been so noticeable is because of the time factor. The matches are too short, so they throw in the moves that pop the crowd. Unfortunately for us, that means we see these moves ad nauseum
JAPENESE COBRA VS THE JUMPING BEANS AND TAG TEAM WOES: It appears we will be getting some make-shift tag teams for the near future, as Mr. Bourne may very well not be returning. Poor Kofi. This match was good and Santino made it extremely funny. The excessive bowing was classic, yet funny. Santino is just funny. What hurt this match was, again, the time. Too short to mean anything, and I don’t see the tandem of Yoshi and Santino going long term. If it does, cool, but I feel this was a one time only deal. It’s a shame that there are a few tag teams out there right now, but they’re being used as RKO-dummies instead of being built up as credible.
HUNICO CRUSHES A HAND: I didn’t enjoy it, but I didn’t hate it. Essentially, this will either go up or down, depending on what they do with Hunico. The storyline behind this was cheesy and transparent. Hunico coming out on top means one of two things; either the feud is not over, or it’s not important enough to continue. If they push Hunico a bit more, then this will all be for a good cause. if not, then it’s yet another pointless crossroads between two floundering Superstars.
HE’S STILL FUNKY: I love the gimmick, and I love Brodus, but something very reminiscent of his Superstars run is happening again. I didn’t like it then and I am very close to not liking it now. The constant squash matches can only go so far before people want to see an actual match. On a show with not one match passing the five minute mark, this was not the right time. Although, Riley dancing along with Brodus was funny, we all knew where it was going. I can only hope that this ends soon, and Brodus has a match worthy of being called…a match.
BARRETT IS BARRAGED AND ORTON ACTS CENA LIKE: I wanted to put this in the puRgatory section, because Wade on the mic is every bit as awesome. The man demands your attention when he is on the mic, and damnit, he deserves it as well. From asking for some decorum to just being an all around bad ass was great. Of course, we all knew Orton was coming back, and I expected a beat down of some sorts; that is what’s supposed to happen. But instead, we get wrestlers from the back coming down to stop Orton. Once this happened, I knew it wouldn’t end well for The Usos, Hawkins and Reks. Now look, these four guys are way down on the totem pole in terms of skill and popularity, but did they really have to essentially file up in a line to get RKO’d? What did that do for anyone? These two teams could very well be used for – you know – the tag team title scene that is floundering due to a Star Pressing Shooter.
FART JOKES: They’re retarded and juvenile. Don’t ever do them.
Not enough? Ok, this is a glaring issue within the Divas division. It’s apparent, now, that there is little care about it as a whole, and even less – it appears – in logic. The backstage interaction with Aksana and Natalya was done well enough to set up a match, was the fart really necessary? What does that do for anyone? I didn’t laugh. Not. One. Bit. And I’m typically a humorous guy. It was horrible. Then the match – if you want to call it that – happened and it was just as bad as the fake fart. A Roll Up? And for what? As resident NXT Recapper, I’m here to let you know that Aksana cannot wrestle, so it can’t be that they are pushing her. Tamina? Sure, she’s got her daddy’s getup and gestures now, but she’s still pretty blocky in the ring. Natalya? She’s got talent; pure talent, and they are continuously hindering it. I just want to know why.
| The 411 Daniel Bryan and his antics saved what was otherwise a lackluster and hopeless show, which is saying a lot considering this was the go-home show before the Rumble. It’s unfortunate, but the Rumble sells itself, so it appears that the writers take a bit of a vacation just before the Mania push. I guess they deserve a break, but in all honesty, if this is what we get when they do break, then I don’t want it. Matches were far too short and according to the Smackdown report, we only got about 10 minutes of total in ring time. That’s just horrible. Come on blue boys, I love ya, don’t disappoint poppa!!! SHOW RATING: 4.5 |
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