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Contour Review

Contour Review
Eric Jacobus– Lawrence Young
Ed Kahana– Alfonso de la Rosario
Andy Leung– Lei Tak
Tyler Wang– Renee Wilder
Dennis Ruel– Ticker
Ray Carbonel– Assistant
Stephen Reedy– Tuoc
Donovan McKendrick– Chris
(check out the rest of the cast here)
Directed by Eric Jacobus
Screenplay by Eric Jacobus
Produced by The Stunt People
Not Rated
Runtime– 100 minutes
Contour will be available for free streaming on the official Eric Jacobus YouTube page here starting April 19th, 2024 at 7pm PDT (10pm EDT)

Contour, written and directed and starring Eric Jacobus and set to have its “watch it for free on YouTube” premiere starting April 19th, 2024 at 7pm PDT (10pm EDT) on the official Eric Jacobus YouTube channel, is a wickedly fun martial arts action comedy. Featuring multiple laugh out loud moments in between some terrific and intense fight sequences, Contour is a riot from start to finish. I will admit that some of the humor might be considered “of its time” and “rude” on occasion (the movie was made and originally released in the early 2000’s), you can’t take anything the movie “says” or does seriously. Contour was made to thrill you, excite you, and make you laugh, and Contour manages to do all of those things and then some.
Contour stars Jacobus as Lawrence “Law” Young, a perpetually down on his luck guy that tries to make extra money as a two bit criminal but isn’t very successful at it (the movie’s opening sequence shows Law trying to retrieve a bag from some fellow criminals in a warehouse via an elaborate scheme that results in a thrilling chase and fight sequence but no bag and a dead body). Law’s “regular” job/day job is as a tour guide, where he drives people around San Francisco in his sweet white minivan. Law generally hates both jobs, but would absolutely love it if one of his criminal schemes actually worked out and resulted in a big score because he has some sort of “big debt” he owes. At least the tour driver job pays the bills. Sort of.
So one day Law gets back to his tour job and picks up the annoying Alfonso de la Rosario (Ed Kahana), Alfonso de la Rosario’s silent bodyguard Lei Tak (Andy Leung), and the Christian journalist and devout Republican Renee Wilder (Tyler Wang). Why does de la Rosario have a bodyguard? He’s the son of the leader of the small country of Uruvia, one of the world’s top producers of cheese (or something), and de la Rosario is in San Francisco as a tourist of sorts. As for Wilder, she’s doing a story for a Christian magazine that requires her to be driven around San Francisco. Law has close to zero interest in driving these people around (he has the hots for Wilder but she shuts him down every time he puts the moves on her) and his tour guide information is ludicrously wrong (Law also has a knack for taking people to tourist sites that aren’t open to the public). Law seems to spend most of his time driving people around hoping that his criminal boss/handler Tuoc (Stephen Reedy) will call him with a potentially more lucrative criminal scheme.
So Law drives de la Rosario, Lei Tak, and Wilder around to various sites around San Francisco and it’s absolutely boring for all involved (to be fair, de la Rosario likes everything he sees, although he doesn’t actually see much of anything. He’s a perpetually happy guy that tries to see the bright side of things all of the time). A trip to see Law’s martial artist friend Chris (Donovan McKendrick) at his studio results in two fights, some mean words, and Chris getting knocked out. It’s all very weird.
So then de la Rosario’s father calls him to ask about a special videotape that de la Rosario’s father believes his son has in his possession. Why is the tape special? Basically, the tape has national security implications for Uruvia. Unfortunately for his father, de la Rosario doesn’t have the videotape in his possession. Who has the tape? Where did it go?
So then some stuff happens, Law finds out about the missing tape from Tuoc, finds out that there’s a “$2 million” reward for retrieval of the tape, and suddenly Law’s sole focus is finding out where the tape is and getting it back. The only thing Law knows is that the tape is somewhere in San Francisco. Will he be able to find it and collect the reward?
I was surprised by how many twists and turns there are in the plot for Contour and how everything in the movie comes together in the end. I was also surprised by how well Contour uses its time. Clocking in at 100 minutes, Contour never drags and uses every minute wisely. The fights, some of which are quite long, never wear out their welcome and just breeze by. It helps that every single performer in the movie is clearly a skilled martial artist of some sort. And it looks like they’re really going at one another, which just amps up the intensity of each fight scene. Don’t be surprised if you watch Contour and start an internal debate with yourself over which long fight sequence is the best: the opening fight, the fight where the movie’s top villain Ticker (Dennis Ruel) and his main henchman (Ray Carbonel. He doesn’t have a name beyond “Assistant”) take over another criminal’s empire, or the final fight scene. They’re all terrific in their own way, but which one hits the hardest? Which fight sequence is the most memorable? I still can’t decide.
The look of the movie does take a bit to get used to, as Contour was shot on digital video and does have that “low budget indie flick shot on digital video in the early 2000’s” look. The sound can also be a tad soft at times, but that softness isn’t as distracting as it could have been (the sound does get better as the movie progresses). There’s also a nifty anime opening titles sequence that helps you grasp that Contour is a sort of live action anime movie. It’s all really well done.
The comedy in Contour can be a bit weird and kind of crude but it’s never malicious. As I said earlier, every joke and bit of comedy is there to advance the story and make you laugh. I can see some people possibly being offended by some of the jokes and the characterizations, but you can’t take anything in the movie seriously. The Uruvia sections at times feel like they’re from a Troma movie (a better written Troma movie but it has that kind of vibe going for it). There’s also a hilarious political subtext involving how “liberal” San Francisco is and “the truth” about Republican women. It’s so bizarre and funny at the same time. It may make you guffaw (it’s what I did and I can’t remember the last time I did that).
The cast is fantastic. Jacobus does an amazing job as Lawrence “Law” Young. You’re not sure how you should take Law at first as you just don’t know who he is or what his deal is. As the story progresses, you realize that Law can seem a bit hapless at times despite his confidence in getting the job done, although he never seems to actually get the job done (that self-confidence almost seems unwarranted but at the same time it’s the only thing that gets him through each day). It’s a weird characterization. But then Jacobus has an incredible screen presence, has a natural charisma that just vibrates through every scene he’s in, and he clearly has the martial arts chops to back up all of the fighting Law has to do. Will Law ever get to succeed? Will Law ever get to win? Law’s past indicates that, no, he will likely never win, but you end up rooting for him anyway. You can’t help it, even though you know you probably shouldn’t. It’s insane to realize that this is one of the first full length movies that Jacobus made and you can tell immediately that he has “it.” Jacobus should be a bigger star. He really should be.
Ed Kahana is hilarious as Alfonso de la Rosario, the perpetually happy and positive guy that just wants to have fun and see the sights in San Francisco. Kahana gives de la Rosario a high pitched voice that is shockingly not annoying. Is it weird? Yes. But it isn’t annoying. How often does that happen? De la Rosario, as a character, can be annoying at times through what he does, but you never hate him. Kahana, just like Jacobus, also has the martial arts chops to get through the fight scenes he has to do, although Kahana’s fight scenes are funnier than the ones Jacobus does. It’s supposed to be that way. Kahana’s de la Rosario is meant to be a funny character.
Any Leung does a great job as Lei Tak, the quiet bodyguard for Kahana’s Alfonso de la Rosario. At first you think Tak might be mute, as he mostly communicates through facial expressions and beating the crap out of people. The reality, though, is Tak just doesn’t speak English, so whenever he does talk it’s in subtitles only the audience can read. Leung is a gifted physical actor and fighter, and the Lei Tak character shows that off tremendously.
Tyler Wang is quite funny as Renee Wilder, the Christian journalist that’s more badass and resourceful than she lets on. She’s the only woman in the movie and has to endure all of the macho male bullshit that surrounds her, on top of dealing with Law’s come ons (it’s an absolute hoot when she repeatedly shuts him down and then kicks the crap out of him. Wilder is a martial artist, too). Wilder’s final scene will make you howl with laughter (or, as I said earlier, guffaw, as that’s what I did).
Stephen Reedy gives the goofiest performance in the movie as Tuoc, Law’s sort of boss. Tuoc is also the practitioner of a weird as hell martial art fighting style/lifestyle that he sells videos about (Tuoc has this sort of infomercial that he does that’s apparently quite popular. Alfonso de la Rosario is a big fan). Tuoc also comes off like a guy doing a really offensive Asian stereotype as a kind of performance art, and when you realize that Tuoc is Asian and he’s doing an offensive Asian stereotype it makes Reedy’s performance that much funnier. It’s all so bizarre that it shouldn’t work and yet it does.
Dennis Ruel and Ray Carbonel make for a great team as the ruthless criminals Ticker (Ruel) and Ticker’s assistant (Carbonel, and I have to reiterate that “assistant” is Carbonel’s character’s name. He doesn’t have an actual name in the movie). They more or less have to act as the straight men in the plot, although some of the things they end up having to do are funny (the big martial arts brawl where they use little bats is a fine example of this). Both Ruel and Carbonel, like everyone else in this movie, appear to have serious martial arts skills and they can kick serious ass. The big fight at the end between Ticker and Law is one of the most intense martial arts brawls you will ever see.
I love Contour. It has a great balance of funny stuff and martial arts mayhem and it all somehow works. It’s a terrific example of how talented Eric Jacobus is as a moviemaker and an actor (it’s a showcase for everyone in the movie, to be truthful). Contour is something that you should absolutely see and make a part of your life. So do it.
See Contour. See it, see it, see it. Contour is set to have its “watch it for free on YouTube” premiere starting April 19th, 2024 at 7pm PDT (10pm EDT) on the official Eric Jacobus YouTube channel.

So what do we have here?
Dead bodies: At least 1 (there may be more but there’s a moment where you find out that it might only be the 1).
Explosions: None.
Nudity?: None.
Doobage: a bag handoff, guys with ski masks, falling box, choking, a big warehouse, a hilarious gun practice flashback, some very funny gunplay, a big fight, box throwing, a big blood trail, attempted noodle eating, a tape recorder come back, doorbell ringing, tour guide stuff, cigarette smoking, a homeless guy wiping his nose with a piece of newspaper, serious back stabbing, multiple martial arts fights in a martial arts studio, more cigarette smoking, a white minivan, attempted sex, a stuffed hippo, bowling ball thrown at a TV, TV throwing, cocaine stealing, little baseball bat throwing, serious pants ripping, janitor stuff, a complete freak out, talking to a car, nighttime underground street fighting, an old VCR, homeless beating, thumb sucking, mild anti-Asian racism that’s oddly hilarious in context, attempted CPR, a manila envelope filled with weed, attempted cigarette lighting using a stovetop burner, finger breaking, soup eating, involuntary swimming lesson, Swiffer fighting practice, neck snap (maybe), a big family twist, candy bar eating, broom used as a weapon, PVC pipe fight, serious box punching, potential cocaine, serious chain attack, MAC-10 Uzi stuff, shotgun stuff, mild transphobia, a funny house party, erection hiding, a super funny “money exchange rate” joke, a final big fight, people falling down stairs in slow motion.
Kim Richards? None.
Gratuitous: a big warehouse, talk of “fifteen seconds,” slow motion roundhouse kick, an anime inspired opening titles sequence, San Francisco, a cable car, a rundown building, “Where Would Jesus Travel” magazine, a Jesus dashboard bobblehead, a guy named “Law,” a GOP sticker, a portable DVD player, Uruvia, a Canadian guy for some reason, soup fighting, “$19.99 plus $34.95 shipping and handling,” a portable phone, cigarette smoking, a flip phone, homophobia, little baseball bats, a Twinkie that was under a car seat for God knows how long, a gigantically long fight, “Colombian sugar,” an Ichiban hat, some great outtakes playing over the end credits.
Best lines: “Hey, you! Driver!” “Your aim sucks!” “I have an ulcer because you keep reminding me of the stupid debt.” “Best friends?” “Hey, want to know what my name is? My name is Alfonso de la Rosario. I’m from Uruvia. Do you know where Uruvia is?” “Chinese? You drive?” “They come around here starting trouble all the time. Now, I’m a peaceful man, but the thing is at any time… these people are starting trouble for more than just us, they’re starting trouble with the cheese industry, too. And we need our cheese.” “But they’re white!” “You know Tai-Pho?” “I’ve never been shot. You’ve been stabbed!” “I can’t find the toilet paper!” “Hey, I make payment?” “I’m done helping criminals.” “Have you ever taken on a real fighter, Chinaman?” “See ya, Chris.” “Never touch this bag.” “You protestant girls are all the same. You try to come off as wholesome but in the end you’re just dykes.” “The day you see what’s in this bag is the day that you meet God himself.” “Don’t make me fight a second time tonight!” “So let’s bone!” “Which tapes did they steal?” “What the fuck? There’s six of you! With bats!” “Don’t call me honey.” “Find the tape! Make your parents proud you stupid Mexican!” “You know, kid, you impressed me today. I’ve never seen a thirteen year old take on three random people like that. That takes balls.” “You may exit the vehicle now, sweets.” “Did you see what’s inside the blue bag?” “Didn’t we kill that guy? Apparently not.” “What, kid, have you never seen a beard before?” “You should bring bullets next time.” “This is my warehouse!” “That’s not sugar!” “Renee? Alex?” “I gotta stop smoking cigarettes.” “Rubber bullets?” “Hey, where you going, smiley?” “Come on, Al, be a big man.” “But you’re a Republican. Law, I’m a Republican woman. All Republican women are lesbians.”