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The 411 Dumpster Fire of the Week: President Donald Trump

March 31, 2020 | Posted by Bryan Kristopowitz
TrumpMania Donald Trump President Trump

The 411mania Dumpster Fire of the Week

Hello, everyone, and welcome to the latest edition of The 411 Dumpster Fire of the Week. I’m Bryan Kristopowitz.

I don’t really have a proper intro for this week’s column, nor do I have a lame ass one, so I’m just going to jump right into the main part of the column. I’m not sure if this column will look the same/feature the same kind of stuff next week. I’ve been thinking about changing it up for the foreseeable future, at least until the Covid-19 pandemic subsides, because writing about the state of the world when it seems it’s in perpetual freefall is exhausting. Would you all like to see a sort of Top 5 thing like I did last week ( here is last week’s column, just in case you missed it)? That kind of thing could be fun. Let me know.

And now onto this week’s Dumpster Fire of the Week.



This week, the 411 Dumpster Fire of the Week goes to Dumpster Fire Hall of Famer, 2019 Dumpster Fire of the Year, and (Jesus Christ) 45th President of the United States, Donald Trump, for his insistence on participating in the daily Coronavirus task force press briefing when it’s obvious that he shouldn’t. Well, it’s obvious to anyone that isn’t a true blue Big Don cult member (you all know who you are) or a fucking moron. Because, really, each time he speaks, the crisis we’re in the middle of gets a little scarier.

Why does it get scarier? Because it’s obvious that he has no idea what he’s talking about most of the time, that he’s just babbling to hear himself talk, and that he has no idea just how out of his depth he really is. He’s involved in these big deal federal government meetings, listening to experts and scientists, making decisions, and then he goes out in front of the world and fucking fumbles the ball each and every time. I have no idea how anyone, cult member or not, can come away from one of these press briefings and say that they’re confident that anything is under control on the federal side.

And then there’s the unbridled ego bullshit that he engages in, right in front of everyone. Why is he fighting, in public, with state governors? Why is he whining about how the “media” is against him? Why isn’t he just focused on the job at hand, getting shit to where it needs to go without endless drama and nonsense, and putting out the necessary information/facts and figures and whatnot? Why does anyone need to know what sort of relationship he has with the governor of wherever? Who gives a shit? Just get shit done and move on.

And then there’s the “saying shit off the top of his head” stuff, like “getting the country back open by Easter” and the “we’re going to talk about quarantining New York, New Jersey, and Connecticut” things. Did anyone on his team know he was going to say any of those things before he said them? Trump clearly didn’t talk to New York’s governor Andrew Cuomo or the governors of New Jersey or Connecticut about any quarantine, whatever the fuck that means. So why say shit that’s just, well, shit? Because it gets people talking about you/paying attention to you on TV? Or is it because, at the end of the day, Trump just doesn’t know what he’s doing?

And what’s with all of the fucking public praise during these briefings from the people Trump allows to speak after him? Is it necessary for everyone to verbally blow this guy at every public opportunity? And it’s not an exaggeration to say “at every public opportunity”; it keeps happening at every briefing. Every. Single. One.

This isn’t going to end any time soon, is it? He’s going to keep giving these horrendous briefings, he’s never going to learn a goddamn thing, and it’s just going to get worse?

Yep. And the disaster will continue to grow and grow. And then he will be re-elected.

Jesus Christ, we’re all fucked. We really are.


And now for this week’s honorable mentions…

Dan Patrick, the current Lt. Governor of Texas, and all of the right-wing commentators that openly agreed with him, for offering up the idea that old people should be willing to sacrifice themselves and go “back to work” in order to “save the economy.” Yes, that’s what they said we should, as a country, do. And it comes to us from the “pro-life” side of the aisle. So is it safe to say now that these people really only care about money, that greed is their motivation/rallying cry, and that they just don’t give a fuck about you unless you’re rich?

Tate Reeves, the current governor of Mississippi, for whatever the fuck it is he’s doing in Mississippi. Does he think what’s going on is deadly serious or is he just being a fucking asshole because of proud stupidity? I don’t get it. Can anyone from Mississippi explain?

-Fox News talk show host, ultra-right wing personality, and Dumpster Fire Hall of Famer, and professional terrible person Laura Ingraham, for claiming that the media is upset that the Covid-19 pandemic isn’t worse. Who, exactly, in the media is upset that the ongoing pandemic isn’t worse? Who in the “media” has gone on television and said that the worldwide crisis we’re all experiencing should be deadlier? I’m sure we’d all love to know who these people are.

What a piece of garbage.

The people who believe that Dr. Anthony Fauci is a “deep state plant meant to undermine President Trump”, for believing that bullshit. People really will believe anything, won’t they?


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