100 Percent Fordified: CHIKARA Just Shadows in the Fog

Tampa, FL – 3.8.2013

Championship Rundown
Grand Champion: Eddie Kingston
Campeones de Parejas: 3.0 (Scott “Jagged” Parker & Shane Matthews)
Young Lions Cup Champion: “Mr. Touchdown” Mark Angelosetti

Commentary is provided by Bryce Remsburg, Scott “Jagged” Parker, Gavin Loudspeaker, Leonard F. Chikarason, Steve “The Turtle” Weiner, and Mike Quackenbush.

Gavin Loudspeaker opens the show with “CHIKARA’s in Tampa” which is like “CHIKARA’s in Chicago” from Unity weekend, but obviously with modified lyrics.

Mike Quackenbush says he’s heard Jigsaw and The Shard hype themselves up as being a “Dream Team.” However, Quackenbush believes that they would be running if they knew what he had in store for them tonight. He claims that their destiny belongs to him.

Elimination Match
Mike Quackenbush & Green Ant vs. Jigsaw & The Shard vs. F.I.S.T. (Icarus & Sugar Dunkerton) vs. The Batiri (Kodama & Kobald)

Green Ant controls Jigsaw in a headlock. Jigsaw angers him by throwing some kicks. Green Ant blocks a hip toss by sending Jigsaw to the ropes. He nails him with an enzuigiri from the apron. Jigsaw slips out when Quackenbush hops into the ring. Even though Dunkerton insists he keeps it on, Icarus takes off his track jacket. Quackenbush kicks him out of the corner and puts him in the Cerebral Lock. He sends Icarus out with an atomic drop. Dunkerton log roll Kobald’s legs out. He locks his legs, dancing while falling back to apply more pressure. He dribbles Kobald’s head into the mat repeatedly. He gets two with a belly-to-belly suplex. Icarus throws Kobald to the floor after giving his arm a double axe handle. Icarus rakes Green Ant’s eyes while in a test of strength. Shard knees Green Ant from the apron. Kobald throws him down and Jigsaw slingshots in with a double stomp. Shard, Jigsaw and the Batiri beat down Green Ant in their half of the ring until Kobald misses the Demon’s Toilet and gives him the chance to tag Quackenbush in. He gives Kobald a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. He calls for the Quackendriver III. Kodama attacks him from behind to stop it. Quackenbush responds with a seated dropkick. He goes for the Quackendriver IV. The Shard forearms him from behind. Quackenbush bulldogs him right on the crown of his head. He lands a second rope Swanton. He goes for Quackendriver II. Jigsaw superkicks his leg out, then superkicks him in the face! A Tower of Doom is formed with Jigsaw and the Batiri being taken down by Quackenbush and Green Ant. Green Ant puts Kobald in the Cloverleaf forcing him to tap out at 15:10. The Shard superkicks Green Ant right after. Quackenbush poises for a palm strike when Jigsaw rolls him up and puts his feet on the ropes for the pin at 15:39. Dunkerton rocks Jigsaw with some punches before delivering a butterfly suplex. He misses a top rope elbow drop. Jigsaw shoves Icarus to the floor so he and The Shard can isolate Dunkerton. Dunkerton bicycle kicks Jigsaw to avoid a corner attack. Icarus tags in and cleans house with clotheslines. Jigsaw and Shard put him in double overhead wristlocks. Icarus flips over and armdrags them to the corner. He sends them to the floor and suicide dives after them! In the ring he splashes onto Jigsaw. Shard breaks the pin. Jigsaws superkicks him into the Shard’s German suplex. Dunkerton breaks the cover and sends Jigsaw to the floor. He and Icarus give Shard a tandem Shellshock (Ryback’s finisher) for the pin at 21:05. The action was really good, a lot of different story threads advanced, and the crowd was into all of it. Not a bad way to kick off the show. ***¼

Johnny Gargano wonders what words people think of when they hear Gran Akuma’s name. He says if your answer is ruthless or malicious, you’re in a time machine. He believes that Akuma is irrelevant in 2013. Gargano plans to show Akuma why he replaced him in F.I.S.T. and that he just can’t hang with him.

Gran Akuma vs. Johnny Gargano

They each deliver a shoulder block and armdrags. Gargano avoids a swift kick to the head. He controls Akuma in a front chancery. Akuma responds with a pair of armdrags and a standing Octopus stretch. Gargano sends him to the apron. He gamengiri’s him to the floor. Akuma stops a suicide dive with a kick to the floor. Gargano enzuigiri’s him back down and successfully lands a suicide dive. He destroys a sign before laying in the boogie boots in the ring. Gargano traps Akuma’s arm behind his back and leans back onto it ala Bryan Danielson. Akuma throws some kicks at his chest. He misses the Cheetah Swipe. He blocks Gargano’s rolling kick and kicks him in the side of the head. Akuma enzuigri’s him from the apron and lands a missile dropkick. He successfully nails the Cheetah Swipe for two. Akuma catches Gargano’s leapfrog attempt and hits the mp4 for two. Akuma sole butts him into a fallaway kick. Gargano rolls him into a basement gamengiri! Akuma kicks out. Gargano also gets two with a slingshot spear. Gargano nails a pair of superkicks, taking a suplex on his head between the two of them. Akuma catches him with a German suplex. He does the deal with the Falcon Arrow for two. Gargano dropkicks Akuma in the corner before delivering the Lawn Dart for two. Akuma maneuvers Gargano into a tombstone and then the Tenchi Crash for the pin at 12:18. This exceeded my expectations, a lot like The Shard vs. Akuma match from a few months earlier. These guys really worked hard and built things very nicely. Gargano doesn’t get to do singles frequently in CHIKARA but he delivered the goods here. More people need to give Akuma props. ***½

Archibald Peck vs. Obariyon

Ophidian is in Obariyon’s corner. Peck is frightened to lock up. So much so that he jumps to the floor when Obariyon screams in his direction. Peck bails to the corner when he is being chased. He accidentally baits Obariyon into a side headlock on the mat. Obariyon escapes. They look to criss-cross the ropes. Peck tricks Obariyon so that he tires himself out. It makes it easy for Peck to shoulder block him down. He trips Obariyon into the corner and back elbows him in the neck. Ophidian grabs Peck’s leg, tripping him into the Skull Bronzing for two. Obariyon sends him to the floor after a few more strikes. Peck rolls to the other side when Obariyon tries rolling him back in. He then rolls under the ring. Obariyon goes out to look for him. Peck sneaks into the ring and lands a suicide dive. He whips Obariyon into the corners before giving him a backdrop. He spins Obariyon out into a backbreaker for two. Peck calls for his “new move.” Obariyon places him on the top rope before he can execute it. Peck comes down with a double axe handle but gets a clothesline to the stomach. Obariyon hits him with Go 2 Hell for two. He goes for it again. Peck instead gives him a torture rack backbreaker for two. It turns out his new move is…a DDT! It’s only good for a two count. Even though he misses the Cranial Crescendo, Peck is able to catch Obariyon in a cradle for the pin at 9:47. Have I said how much I love Archibald Peck? I can’t say it enough, so consider that another occasion. Obariyon is the best Batiri member overall, and in singles action, so as you would suspect this contest was quite good. **¾

Ophidian makes his way to the ring with the Batiri flanking him. He reminds us that at “High Noon” he acquired the soul of Amasis. He talks about how his transformation has been complete, yet Amasis’ soul has been able to roam free. He says that his ghost has been haunting him everywhere he goes. Tonight however, Ophidian will end that. He begins a chant of some sorts with a serpent cane in his hand and an Amasis mask in front of him. Amasis appears and steps into the ring. Ophidian sends The Batiri after him to prove he’s not real. Amasis knocks them all down and attempts to chase Ophidian into the crowd. Ophidian however escapes without being harmed.

Hallowicked vs. Sean Waltman

They reach a stalemate in the opening exchange. Waltman uses Bryce Remsburg to reverse a wristlock and armdrag Hallowicked to the floor. Hallowicked catches Waltman with a kick from the apron and slingshots into a schoolboy for two. He takes him over with a step-up Frankensteiner. Waltman sends him to the floor and tope con hilo’s after him. Waltman tries to follow up but gets sent crotch first into the ring post. In the ring Hallowicked gets two with a step-up enzuigiri. He gets two with a Rydeen Bomb. Go 2 Sleepy Hollow follows. He hits the ropes and gets wiped out by Waltman’s spinwheel kick. Waltman throws two more for a two count. He hits the Bronco Buster but Bryce has to pull him off. He drops Hallowicked with the X-Factor. Hallowicked gets his foot on the ropes to break the pin. Hallowicked calls for a super Frankensteiner. Waltman instead brings him down with a super X-Factor. Hallowicked kicks out! Hallowicked puts Waltman away with the Go 2 Sleepy Hollow and a yakuza kick at 9:48. Hallowicked looked like a million bucks here. Waltman was a bit reckless, but they pulled it together for an exciting finishing stretch. ***

The Colony (Fire Ant & assailANT), Dasher Hatfield & Saturyne vs. Soldier Ant & The Colony: Xtreme Force (Arctic Rescue Ant, Missile Assault Ant & Orbit Adventure Ant)

The Colony X-Treme Force are Wink Vavasseur’s hand-picked partners for Soldier Ant. They’re very cartoony, in a GI Joe action figure kind of way. Soldier Ant does not seem very happy with them. Fire Ant tags in assailANT so he doesn’t have to lock up with Soldier Ant. He apologizes to Soldier Ant for going after his mask in days past. They wrestle to a stalemate. Arctic tags himself in. He trips assailANT into the Mogul Mash. assailANT knocks him down with a back elbow and tags in Fire Ant. The Colony give Arctic some tandem offense. Orbit and Fire Ant engage in some Lucha. Fire Ant takes him down with the Stop, Drop and Roll. Orbit responds with the Rough Ryder. Orbit asks for a high five from Saturyne since they’re both from space. Soldier Ant spins Saturyne around into a saluting position and easily shoves her to the mat. She tries the Rings of Saturyne but ends up giving Soldier Ant a satellite headscissors in the end. Saturyne cascades into a sunset flip for two. She headscissors him to the corner and tags in Hatfield. He runs the bases before hitting a baseball slide dropkick. Soldier Ant rolls up his shoulders and into an armdrag. He gets two with a sunset flip. Hatfield armdrags him to the floor. Missile gets met with a drop toe hold as he charges at Dasher. Missile gives Hatfield some hip tosses. Hatfield misses a corner splash. Missile slingshots him into a forearm from Arctic. Hatfield smacks Missile on the buttocks and backdrops him. Saturyne kicks Missile in the corner. She kicks Orbit’s legs out and axe kicks him. Arctic blocks her dropkick and slingshots him into Orbit’s forearm. Saturyne takes a few more strikes before taking Orbit down with a quesadora bulldog. assailANT headbutts all of the Xtreme Force in their chests before giving Arctic a uranage slam for two. assailANT suplexes Missile in from the apron. Missile shoves him to the corner and tags in Arctic. assailANT forearms Missile, headbutts Arctic and tags in Fire Ant who crossbody’s Orbit and drops him with a tilt-a-whirl DDT. He and assailANT give him the Ants Marching dropkick. Missile hops off Arctic’s back to dropkick the Colony to the floor. Hatfield gives Missile a backbreaker. Missile blocks the Jackhammer with a brainbuster. Saturyne breaks the cover. Orbit flips Saturyne out of a Gory Special into a lungblower. Fire Ant gives him the Yahtzee Kick. He bicycle kicks Arctic and Burns Down the House. Fire Ant and Soldier Ant end up in the ring together. They stand-off after two exchanges. The Xtreme Force attacks Fire Ant from behind, sending Soldier Ant out. All of them attack Fire Ant in the corner. Soldier Ant sets them straight. assailANT, Hatfield and Saturyne try triple O’Conner Rolls and it fails. Hatfield and Saturyne take out Orbit and Missile on the floor. assailANT is set to dive to the floor. Arctic Rescue Ant pulls him down and hits the Radical MegaAir Tailbone Slammer: Xtreme (a top rope legdrop) for the pin at 24:16. I’m not quite sure what to make of The Colony: Xtreme Force, but I had a very fun time watching them. They’re pretty sound already, and if they get their timing down and were less hesitant they could be even better. This may have been a little long but at least all of the Xtreme Force got to portray their personalities and got over right away. ***½

Jakob Hammermeier is backstage with Donst and a revamped Veronica who kind of looks like a biker chick. He says after he wins the Young Lions Cup, they could go all go celebrate at Disney World when they’re in Orlando tomorrow. Hammermeier begins to freak when he can’t find his gear. It turns out Veronica made some changes to it. Hammermeier finds a note. Donst hands it to Veronica to read it. It turns out to be a poem about how powerful and wise someone is but no one is named specfically. It turns out all Veronica did to Hammermeier’s gear was cut off one pant leg. Jakob seems upset, but Donst and Veronica leave without an explanation.

Young Lions Cup
“Mr. Touchdown” Mark Angelosetti vs. Jakob Hammermeier

Angelosetti shoulder blocks Hammermeier down. Hammermeier schoolboys him for two. Hammermeier is able to counter some of Angelosetti’s attacks. He throws some headbutts in the corner. Angelosetti knocks him down with a single hand pose. Hammermeier gets his knees up to block a splash. He drives Angelosetti’s face into the mat. Tim Donst appears ringside. As he is talking to Hammermeier, Angelosetti picks him up and rams him back first into a support beam, a sound booth, and on the ring apron. Angelosetti drops a knee across his face. He throws a forearm to Hammermeier’s lower back for two. He applies a chinlock. Hammermeier fights out. Angelosetti drives him head first into the mat via waistlock. He splashes Hammermeier seven times before striking the Tebow pose with his foot across Hammermeier’s throat. Angelosetti carries him out of the corner with a spinebuster. Hammermeier cradles him right after for two. He reaches to Donst for support but doesn’t get any. Angelosetti hits the Flea Flicker for two. Veronica makes her way out, and Steve Weiner on commentary seems smitten. It also distracts Angelosetti, allowing Hammermeier to get in some clotheslines and elbows. He gets two with a fisherman’s neckbreaker. Angelosetti goes for a series of shoulder blocks. He gets in two before Hammermeier BLASTS him with a haymaker! Veronica distracts referee Dan Yost. Donst turns his back on Hammermeier when he looks for help again. Angelosetti gives Hammermeier a spinebuster and puts his feet on the ropes to get the pin at 11:06. I don’t like that Donst’s tendencies of getting cheap wins is infecting other bouts, especially when a title is on the line, but Hammermeier is looking a lot better in the ring lately and Angelosetti is on point every time. **¾

Donst talks about how being a Young Lions Cup champion doesn’t make you a winner. He was a Yung Lions Cup champion and it did him no good. Now he is left with no friends. He says destiny didn’t want him to be Grand Champion and destiny didn’t want Hammermeier to be the Young Lions Cup holder. Donst says the Cup brought him nothing but misery which Hammermeier couldn’t handle considering how much a loser he is already. He says karma may not be real, but destiny is. He makes Jakob rip up a supportive fan sign before they head to the back.

3.0 are backstage. Jagged says they have been in this position before – they won the Campeones de Parejas before and defended the titles. On their first defense in the first Campeones reign, they lost. Jagged iss worried about that happening again considering their opponents are. Matthews says the first time around they were just happy to be Campeones, but he’s confident they are much more well prepared this time around.

Campeonatos de Parejas
3.0 (Scott “Jagged” Parker & Shane Matthews) vs. The Devastation Corporation (Max Smashmaster & Blaster McMassive)

Sidney Bakabella is in the Corporation’s corner. Smashmaster mauls Matthews in the corner. Matthews throws some chops. Smashmaster gives him a fallaway slam. Jagged and McMassive tag in. McMassive tosses him to the corner. Jagged fires away with strikes but they aren’t very effective. McMassive boots him down. Smashmaster holds onto Matthews while McMassive powerbombs Jagged. That gives them the first fall at 1:30. The Corporation bully Jagged right after that first fall. McMassive goes after Matthews on the apron, but surprisingly Matthews gets the better of that echange. He pulls Jagged out of the ring so that Smashmaster misses a moonsault. Matthews jumps on top of him as he’s recovering to win the second fall and tie up the match at 5:15. McMassive pitches Matthews out so that he and Smashmaster can go back to beating Jagged down. Jagged hops over Smashmaster when he attempts a corner splash. Matthews lights him up with chops and forearm strikes. Same goes for McMassive. Smashmaster accidentally splashes McMassive in the corner. He comes off the second rope with a clothesline on Smashmaster for two. Matthews and Jagged give him a bulldog/drop toe hold combo. Jagged drops an elbow and enzuigiri’s McMassive twice in the corner. He knees McMassive in the side of the head thrice after Matthews gives him a backbreaker. McMassive shoves Matthews to the ropes to crotch Jagged on the top rope. He brings Jagged down with a super belly-to-belly suplex! Jagged kicks out and McMassive is enraged. He and Smashmaster call for the Death Blow. Matthews crotches Smashmaster. He superkicks McMassive into a sunset flip from Jagged for two. McMassive clothesline them both. Jagged drops the top rope to send Smashmaster out. Bakabella holds Matthews. McMassive accidentally runs into him. Matthews rolls him up for two. Smashmaster gets tied up in the ropes. Jagged chop blocks McMassive. 3.0 put him in a tandem Boston Crab. Bakabella pulls Bryce Remsburg out of the ring. Matthews gets in his face. Smashmaster gives chase but runs into the ring post. Bakabella tosses one of the title belts into the ring. Jagged hits him with it to block another powerbomb. Bryce runs in and makes the count, giving Jagged the win at 12:27. This was a step-up from their Wrestling is Awesome match, mostly due to the drama the titles added and the crowd being hot. 3.0 worked very smartly to close the gap in the size difference. It may have been the best the Corporation ever looked too, which depending on your opinion of them may not say a lot. To me, it does. ***¼

Eddie Kingston vs. Amazing Kong

Kong shoves Kingston to the mat, causing him to throw a fit on the floor. Kong remains steadfast from his shoulder block attempts. She ducks a clothesline and knocks Kingston down with her own shoulder block. She whips him to the corner and follows with a splash. Kingston goes back to the floor. Kong follows, so Kingston sends her into the ring post. Back in the ring he claws at her face. Kong misses another corner splash but catches Kingston in the stomach with a boot. Kong wins a strike exchange by throwing forearms until Kingston goes to the mat. She lands a splash for two. She hits another splash from the second rope, but the result is the same. King throws a Backfist. Kingston throws one of his own. Kong hits a second to take Kingston off of his feet. Kingston manages to kick out of the pin attempt. Kong takes her glove off to go for a more effective Backfist. Kingston drops her with a DDT before she can do that. He hits the American D for two. A Backfist to the Future gets him the win at 7:15. You can’t help but be a little disappointed with how short the match was. True, they packed in a lot of action, but there’s so much more they could have done. **¾

Kingston yells at the camera to never forget who the Grand Champion is. Some fans chant Green Ant, who is supposed to challenge for Kingston’s title tomorrow night. Kingston is not happy as he heads to the back.

The 411: Just about everything on this show exceeded my expectations. A lot of that may have to do with the red hot crowd, one of the best CHIKARA has had in awhile. There's lots of great wrestling, interesting storyline developments, and overall the show is just a really fun watch. There's no fodder and everything is worth watching. I definitely give this a recommendation, especially for Gargano vs. Akuma. You can purchase the show on DVD, mp4, or steam it On Demand over at Smart Mark Video. Be sure to check out all of my CHIKARA reviews at my CHIKARA blog; "The CHIKARA Special" and all the CHIKARA news over at "The CHIKARA Special" Tumblr. In addition to that, you can check out a lot of promos from CHIKARA DVDs over at the CHIKARA Special YouTube Page.

Final Score:  7.5   [ Good ]