411’s Instant Access 06.28.09: WWE The Bash 2009

Hey kids, I’m Scott, and this is 411’s Instant Access: WWE The Bash 2009. 411’s Instant Access is the companion piece to 411 Live Pay-Per-View Coverage and features immediate reaction to wrestling pay-per-views. The focus in Instant Access is on first thoughts and initial reactions instead of play-by-play with the goal of providing you with instant access to one two THREE writers’ thoughts on the show. That’s right, Instant Access will now feature multiple analysts for all WWE pay-per-views. Here’s the team for The Bash:

• Scott Slimmer, author of Don’t Think Twice.
• Chris Lansdell, author of A Brace for Impact and If I Could Be Serious For A Moment.
• Rob McNew, author of 411’s WWE Raw Report and 411’s WWE Superstars Report.
• And a very special thank you to Sat, one half of the High Road / Low Road team, for taking time during the show to shop a swank graphic when one of the matches on the card unexpectedly gained a few new participants.

Okay kids, enough with the explanations. Let’s get to the wrestling.

ECW Championship Scramble Match
Tommy Dreamer (Champion) vs. Christian vs. Finlay vs. Jack Swagger vs. Mark Henry
Match Result: Tommy Dreamer wins the Scramble Match.
Match Length: 14:49
Match Analysis:
Slimmer: Scramble matches can be quite exciting when properly coordinated and well executed, but they can also be disjointed and sloppy and chaos is allowed to reign. Unfortunately, this match tended towards the later much more than the former. Christian and Swagger were the best two men to start the match, and they continued to display how well they work with each other in the ring. However, the match began to drag a bit when Finlay got involved, and everyone just seemed to be lost once Tommy Dreamer entered the fray. The action did pick up after Mark Henry made his presence felt, and the numerous pinfalls in the last five minutes did help to rebuild some of the excitement that had been lost since the beginning of the match. And hey, as an old school ECW mark, I have to admit that I loved seeing Tommy Dreamer retain the championship. The look of surprise on his face when he heard his music after the match was classic Dreamer. This is almost certainly Dreamer’s last run with the ECW Championship, and I’m more than happy to see his reign continue for another month, another week, or even just two more days.
Lansdell: Why did I think Bourne was in this? It would have been even better with him there. I think this came off about as well as it could have, although I don’t see where the story goes with Dreamer retaining. Info-nugget: Dreamer joins HHH as the only two people to retain in a Scramble match. That’s some lofty company right there. This wasn’t amazing or even hectic until the last minute or so, but that last minute was REALLY good. A strong start to the show.
McNew: Despite my problems with various logic gaps in the way these matches are booked this was pretty entertaining. I wasn’t expecting a Dreamer victory, but it looks like he’s going to walk into Philly as ECW Champion. Nothing mind blowing, but still a fun little match to kick things off.
Match Rating:
Slimmer: **½
Lansdell: ***¼
McNew: **½
Average Match Rating: **¾

Title vs. Mask Match for the Intercontinental Championship
Chris Jericho (Champion) vs. Rey Mysterio
Match Result: Rey Mysterio defeats Chris Jericho with the 619.
Match Length: 15:42
Match Analysis:
Slimmer: Last year, Chris Jericho and Shawn Michaels had one of the greatest feuds of all time, but I’ll be damned if Jericho and Rey Mysterio aren’t doing just as well this year. The storytelling and psychology may have been a bit stronger in the Michaels / Jericho feud, but the in-ring action and work rate in the Mysterio / Jericho feud was been INSANE. I mean, a DOUBLE springboard moonsault? REALLY? A top rope hurricanrana into a super powerbomb? SERIOUSLY? Their ability to build upon their previous matches, to tell a cohesive in-ring story that flows seamlessly from one match to the next, and to continually find innovative counters to innovative counters harkens back to the classic ECW feud between Rob Van Dam and Jerry Lynn. It’s been years since I’ve seen either Jericho or Mysterio look this good in the ring, and these two guys are spearheading the ascension of the New Smackdown Six.
Lansdell: I’m running out of superlatives to describe the matches these two are having. This was even better than the others, which were all focused on the 619. This was just a good strong match with an exhilarating finishing sequence. Screw that, the last 5 minutes were incredible. There’s no way the WWE were going to take the mask off Rey, it’s a license to print money. However the possibility was there and it made the match even better. Will this end the feud? I’d say yes, because Jericho had some fun later in the evening and Rey needs to move on. The second mask was something called by many fans but still didn’t suffer from that. Just a great match all around. Plus, super powerbomb!
McNew: Match of the night, and a match of the year contender for sure. These guys have amazing chemistry together, and they again showed it improving on their previous two encounters. Even though its been done before I loved the double mask bit.
Match Rating:
Slimmer: ****½
Lansdell: ****¼
McNew: ****½
Average Match Rating: ****½

No Disqualification Match
The Great Khali vs. Dolph Ziggler
Match Result: Dolph Ziggler defeats The Great Khali after Kane grabbed a steel chair and gave Khali the old government mule treatment.
Match Length: 5:00
Match Analysis:
Slimmer: I love Dolph Ziggler. I really do. He’s smart, sexy, and powerful, and I thought he was finally going to be the man to show the world that the Great Khali is not a man to idolize and certainly not a man to love. The no disqualification stipulation essentially leveled the playing field and gave Ziggler a fighting chance, and I actually do believe that Ziggler and Khali could have put on a passable match on their own if given the chance. Most of Khali’s high-profile pay-per-view matches have been against fairly weighty Superstars such as Batista, The Undertaker, and Kane, so watching him deal with a smaller but certainly tenacious opponent was a nice change of pace. And then we returned to our regularly scheduled program when Kane introduced Khali to the business end of a steel chair. But at least my boy got the win.
Lansdell: Well this one was a surprise. I mean it was pretty clear with the no DQ option that Ziggler was going to win via some chair-swinging bonanza action, but I never imagined Kane would be involved. Haven’t we been punished with that feud twice already? At least Ziggler gets the “win” and looks really good doing it. I mean REALLY good. This kid has a future… IF he doesn’t call out Cena. (Slimmer’s Note: Stay away from my man, you Canadian rat bastard. Shouldn’t one of them new Hart kids be more your style?)
McNew: Glad to see Dolph get the win even if it was in the cheapest way possible. Not sure why anyone would want to subject us to the second installment of a Khali-Kane feud, or what beef he had with Khali to begin with, but nothing Kane ever does makes any sense.
Match Rating:
Slimmer: *½
Lansdell: **½
McNew: ¾*
Average Match Rating: *½

Unified Tag Team Championship Match
Carlito Colon & Primo Colon (Champions) vs. Ted DiBiase & Cody Rhodes vs. Rated Y2J
Match Result: Edge defeats Carlito with the Spear.
Match Analysis:
Slimmer: Seeing Teddy Long take the stage and unexpectedly change the complexion of a tag team championship match brought back fond memories of Armageddon 2006, but unfortunately Teddy stopped short of adding ladders into the recipe for this match. I was looking forward to seeing if the Colons and Legacy could take their game to another level after finally being given a pay-per-view match, but the impromptu addition of Edge & Jericho meant that this match was really just a vehicle for moving the Unified Tag Team Championships over to Smackdown. The in-ring action was certainly capable, but I found that I spent most of the match just waiting for Edge & Jericho’s inevitable involvement. However, that being said, I’m more than happy to see four more championship belts added to the collection of the New Smackdown Six. CM Punk, Jeff Hardy, Chris Jericho, Rey Mysterio, Edge, and John Morrison have been gold over the past few months, those six men now hold six championship belts. I’ve got a feeling that the feud between Punk and Hardy will continue for at least another month, so I’d love to see Mysterio & Morrison team up to give Edge & Jericho a run for their money… and the Unified Tag Team Championships.
Lansdell: You have to wonder, with the addition of Edge and Jericho, if someone on one of the other teams did a Bad Thing. Whatever happened, it did two things: gave the match a story of Edge and Jericho being shut out by the other two teams, and added some spice to what otherwise would have been a very boring match, if the action we saw between the Colons and Legacy was any indication. The thing is, what happens now? Edge and Jericho are so far above the tag belts that I can’t see them being long-term champs, and don’t they hate each other? I just don’t know who they hotshot them to. The match itself just wasn’t that good, but it wasn’t bad either.
McNew: Well no one saw that coming, now did they? Fun match with a great little story being told of the Colons and Priceless refusing to tag in Jericho or Edge. Rated Y2J is born, and the best part is now they can appear on all three shows.
Match Rating:
Slimmer: **
Lansdell: **
McNew: **¼
Average Match Rating: **

WWE Women’s Championship Match
Melina (Champion) vs. Michelle McCool
Match Result: Michelle McCool defeats Melina with the Faith Breaker.
Match Analysis:
Slimmer: Yes, okay, maybe Melina and Michelle McCool are two of the more competent Divas in WWE at the moment. But they’re still a LONG way from the glory days of Trish Stratus, Lita, Victoria, Molly Holly, and Gail Kim, and matches like the one we saw tonight don’t deserve to be on pay-per-view. Much like the Khali / Ziggler match, this match would have been just fine on any edition of Smackdown. But asking me to pay forty bucks for a short, sloppy match? Um, no. However, on the bright side, Michelle McCool does become the first Diva to hold both the Women’s Championship and the Divas Championship. This may not seem all too exciting in and of itself, but keep in mind that there’s a certain spunky Diva over on Raw who has her mind set on defeating Maryse and thus also being able to list both the Women’s Championship and the Divas Championship on her resume. And really, if the Smackdown Women’s Champion and the Raw Women’s Champion were the only two Divas in history to have won both belts, wouldn’t it only make sense for the two of them to settle the score and battle it out for the title of top Diva? And wouldn’t that mean that we’d get to see the one-and-only Mickie James on both Raw and Smackdown? And wouldn’t that make use all very happy? I rest my case.
Lansdell: A couple of people found this match sloppy, but I can’t agree. I thought it was one of the best women’s matches in some time in WWE. There was a ton of physicality, some good wrestling and plenty of passion involved, and they even pulled off some fun spots. Sure it was no classic, but it was not as bad as I feared. I just hope they keep the belt off useless models.
McNew: Meh, McCool is about as interesting as a Saturday Morning program on the Food Network, and Melina had been the least visible champion I can ever remember. Also I’m sure AJ Styles got a chuckle out of watching that god awful Styles Clash to finish things.
Match Rating:
Slimmer: *½
Lansdell: **
McNew: ½*
Average Match Rating: *¼

World Heavyweight Championship Match
CM Punk (Champion) vs. Jeff Hardy
Match Result: Jeff Hardy defeats CM Punk via disqualification.
Match Length: 14:54
Match Analysis:
Slimmer: Ah, the Dusty Finish. The fiendish foe of wrestling fans all over the world and, after tonight, the mortal enemy of fat emo chicks everywhere. I’m more than a bit conflicted about the booking of this match, because it seems to have been both good and bad all at the same time. I mean, the subtle ways that Punk continues to turn heel almost in spite of himself are really fun to watch, but seriously, a Dusty Finish followed by a DQ in a pay-per-view match is the very definition of bullshit. Anyway, you can almost guarantee that this feud will continue, because Jeff Hardy cannot let this injustice stand, and because all of the other legitimate title contenders on Smackdown are currently busy trying to bring tag team wrestling back from the dead.
Lansdell: I’m not sure how to rate this match. It started off really well and Punk worked a great match as the heel in control. Hardy, as always, worked a very solid face-in-peril. The false finish was well done as it had me swearing loudly at my TV until I saw what the ref was doing. Then it got silly. Punk getting his eye hurt was fine, but if the kick was meant to be ambiguous then Hardy was too far away from the ref. I presume we’ll get some sort of gimmick rematch at Night of Champions, which is fine by me as long as it make sense.
McNew: Some people are going to bitch about the DQ finish on Pay Per View, but I think it is absolutely fantastic booking to continue the slow burn towards Punk’s full on heel turn. Punk continued to sell the eye the entire time, and never gave us any indication that he was faking. However your initial reaction is that he was faking so for that the fans are slowly turning on him. Hardy’s attack afterward, and the crowds reaction even further plays into this because Punk will be able to call the fans out for cheering him. Just a great job all around.
Match Rating:
Slimmer: ***½
Lansdell: ***
McNew: ***¼
Average Match Rating: ***¼

John Cena vs. The Miz
Match Result: John Cena defeats The Miz with the STFU.
Match Analysis:
Slimmer: I was honestly a bit concerned that this match was going to last a mere three seconds a make the ECW Championship Match from WrestleMania 24 look like a back-and-forth classic, so I was pleasantly surprised that The Miz was allowed the chance to showcase a respectable amount of offense. Sure, we all knew that Cena was going to get the win sooner or later, but at least Miz wasn’t made to look completely incompetent in the process. I’m not sure there’s any need for Miz to continue to pester Cena, but I do hope that he maintains the visibility that this feud has afforded him. And given the immense size of Miz’s ego, you have to assume that the fact he isn’t wearing championship gold is Jamaican him crazy…
Lansdell: Fuck you Cena. Fuck you WWE. You had a perfect chance to elevate Miz without hurting anyone, and you chickened out. You could have had Cena win without crushing Miz and making him look bad, and you failed. You could have done any number of things, but you had to put Cena over with ease and send Miz back to the midcard with his tail between his legs, dangling where his nuts used to be before you cut them off and sautéed them in extra virgin olive oil and served them to Super Cena with a nice sweet onion reduction over pilau rice. Damn it! I mean the match wasn’t bad, Cena got to show off that he CAN wrestle while Miz got in a little offence without cheating, but GOD DAMN IT Cena is allowed to lose sometimes!
McNew: And the IWC explodes. Everyone is going to say Miz got buried, and I can’t totally disagree. I do think that the match came off as more of a squash than they had hoped because they were getting pressed for time, but it was still pretty bad. I don’t think this means that Miz will be jobbing to Goldust though until he is eventually released. In reality the entire story has been similar to Lesnar and Cena from 2003, and I think Cena came out from that okay. The follow up will be what’s important here.
Match Rating:
Slimmer: **
Lansdell: **¼
McNew: *½
Average Match Rating: **

Three Stages of Hell Match for the WWE Championship
Randy Orton (Champion) vs. Triple H
Match Result: Randy Orton defeats Triple H in the Stretcher Match.
Match Length: 22:27
Match Analysis:
Slimmer: The problem with giving away a free Last Man Standing Match just six days before a forty dollar Three Stages of Hell Match is that you REALLY need to find a way to make the pay-per-view match seem like it was worth forty dollars more than the television match. And that just didn’t happen tonight. The Stretcher Match finale was certainly passable as Stretcher Matches go, but the first two Stages of Hell were nothing more than brief speed bumps on the way to Stage Three. And seriously WWE, we get it, Randy Orton has flunkies that like to kiss his ass and help him win matches. Now can we PLEASE all move on with our lives? After DiBiase & Rhodes returned to the fold near the end of the match, I was praying that Triple H’s salvation would come not from a sledgehammer but rather from a swift and sudden chorus of Sweet Chin Music. Needless to say, I was sorely disappointed. But come one, DX vs. Legacy? I’d watch it.
Lansdell: I have to hand it to WWE. I really thought HHH was going to walk away with this one. Not limp away, since he stopped selling for the last 5 minutes of the match. Legacy helping and Orton winning is fine, but DAMN did Legacy really have to stay stationary for 3-5 minutes after the hammer shots? I mean what the hell is in that hammer? Is it coated with chloroform or something? I’d like to think this feud is over but I don’t see how it can be until there’s a clean win for one of them. I could have done without the unoriginal “intentional DQ to improve my position” thing, but it worked in the context of the match and would have worked even better had HHH continued to sell the leg. In all fairness it’s not easy to remember that with everything else you have to think about, but at his level it should be more consistent. They had some nice spots throughout the match and it wasn’t the snorefest that their Mania match was, but I still don’t want to see these guys fight again without a third party involved.
McNew: I liked the booking early because it was unconventional. Trips getting intentionally disqualified just so he could take control and get a quick pin in falls count anywhere made a lot of sense, and worked to get to the stretcher match which is where we all knew it was headed anyway. As for the stretcher match it was pretty decent if we hadn’t seen the exact same match for free on Monday Night. Again somehow Orton manages to retain despite looking like a total chump, and HHH still reigns supreme in the end. To top it off, the feud STILL isn’t over.
Match Rating:
Slimmer: ***
Lansdell: **¾
McNew: **
Average Match Rating: **½

Final Thoughts

Match of the Night:
Slimmer: Chris Jericho vs. Rey Mysterio (****½)
When the best feud in the promotion is showcased in a match with both the best storytelling AND the best in-ring action on the card, there’s simply nothing you can do but call it the Match of the Night.
Lansdell: Chris Jericho vs. Rey Mysterio (****¼)
Not even close. These 2 put on a match to top their others, and Jericho continues to be the best part of WWE. All of this without a world title. Some people just don’t need a belt to be awesome, and by keeping Jericho in the upper midcard you allow him to elevate that part of the card while hopefully building others.
McNew: Chris Jericho vs. Rey Mysterio (****½)
For all the reasons listed above. Just a tremendous fast paced match. Great story telling, great spots, great action. The match was damn near perfect.

Trash of the Night:
Slimmer: The Great Khali vs. Dolph Ziggler (*½)
There was nothing all too terribly bad about this match, but it was really designed to spotlight the return of Kane rather than to be an actual match. That kind of bait-and-switch tactic if fine on a weekly television show, but we deserve more on pay-per-view.
Lansdell: Long-time IA readers will know that I don’t always give this “award” to the worst match, but to the one that pissed me off most. No contest this month. (**¼)
McNew: Melina vs. Michelle McCool (½*)
It’s a diva’s match in which the least over diva in the company becomes the first in history to capture both titles by botching her finisher. Yeah, easy pick.

Final Analysis:
Slimmer: Sometimes, one great match really is enough to carry an entire show. Unfortunately, that job becomes a bit tougher when the match in question is the second of eight on the card. However, given the fact that I’ll remember Jericho / Mysterio for years to come and the fact that none of the other seven matches were actually bad, I think it’s safe to say that I’ll remember this show fondly.
Lansdell: Yeah, OK. A strong PPV for the most part, not as good as TNA’s effort this month but still good. Some questionable booking decisions and at least one thing that makes me want to Google plane tickets to Connecticut, but ultimately I was entertained for three hours. That’s getting harder to do.
McNew: As has been the norm it was a tale of two shows. The Smackdown stuff was off the charts great from both a booking perspective, and a wrestling perspective. Once we got to the Raw matches at the end though it came to a screeching halt. Still since Smackdown dominated the show, and they had the good stuff its an easy thumbs up. Just stop watching after Punk-Hardy.

Verdict:
Slimmer: ***
Lansdell: ***½
McNew: ***½
Average Verdict: ***¼