411’s Instant Analysis 02.03.12: Friday Night Smackdown

Welcome once again to the Instant Analysis of Friday Night Smackdown, I will be analysing the show from top to bottom and my name is David McGregor. I only just realised that I haven’t been introducing myself for week s which I guess I should have remembered. Anyway Smackdown is on a role recently, ratings are up and one of the show’s top talent Sheamus won the Royal Rumble! Here’s hoping they realise this and make their show better than last week because there really is only so many times I can watch a 3 second Divas match. Well let’s begin.

Opening Segment – Teddy, Henry, Sheamus and Rhodes! Anyone NOT in this segment!

It was odd to see Teddy Long opening the show but he seemed to be the only thing that held this all together. By just announcing the participants in the Elimination Chamber I think the writers have missed an opportunity to have a running theme throughout their shows by failing to have qualifying matches for entry into the Chamber. No one believes Santino or Heath Slater is going to get into the match but it is nice to give Orton or Big Show a match so they have earned their spot, especially Big Show and Mark Henry who have lost time and time again to the World Champion Daniel Bryan. Why should they get a shot at him again? There is just no reason for the match which is an inherent problem with the gimmick PPV concept, outside of the Royal Rumble of course because since 1992 that has always had a reason for existence.

The suspension of Mark Henry is fine by me; the guy is in serious pain and really should not be competing in the ring. By giving Henry a few weeks or few months off it gives him a well deserved chance to heal up and come back for one last run before retirement. Also, by having Sheamus take Henry out that makes the Rumble winner look even better whilst also giving Henry a readymade World Championship feud for his return. I just wish Henry had done more for a suspension; he could have at least seriously attacked Teddy Long but I guess they needed Long to be kept conscious throughout this.

Then we get to Cody Rhodes coming out! I feel this segment had way too much to digest in such a short time. Anyway, Rhodes is brilliant everything about his character is done to such perfection. But his monotonous voice at times really grates on me, not in a traditional heel annoying way more stop talking like an idiot sort of thing. The whole thing seemed to be in extreme fast forward! Henry’s suspension could have been the cliff-hanger for an entire episode, I mean after all he was the most dominant man of 2011. The rest I liked, although Rhodes’ inevitable loss to Sheamus didn’t fill me with excitement. This segment was really odd and far too much was covered in such a small space of time.

Rating: 6 out of 10

Cody Rhodes v Sheamus

It isn’t until someone so tanned like Cody Rhodes is in a match with Sheamus that you realised how pale the guy really is! The guy must have a pigment malfunction or something. Anyway, the match was very well done and Cody was put over as a threat to Sheamus which is very smart booking. Obviously Sheamus won but it seemed like it was an even fight for most of it and I really can’t complain about that. The winner of the Royal Rumble must be kept on his streak and looking like a major star and that is exactly what they did here whilst also making Rhodes look pretty good in defeat. Although I guess this means Rhodes isn’t winning at Elimination Chamber (No Way Out was a perfect name why screw around with it!).

Also, was nice to see Sheamus busting out a new move to add to his repertoire. Although stealing off of Finlay will only make Kurt Angle even angrier on Twitter!

Winner: Sheamus

Rating: 7.5 out of 10

Supposed to be Hunico v Justin Gabriel

This wasn’t a match at all but was kept to a minimum so wasn’t so bad. It made sense for Rhodes to attack Gabriel but Khali’s interruption of this one was pretty left field. It scares me that the WWE is going to have Khali v Rhodes at some point soon, please Vince not at Wrestlemania Cody Rhodes deserves so much more than that lump of genetic mutilation.

As for Hunico, he is officially one of the most irritating and pointless WWE star/cyclists there are today. Repackage him or send him back to Mexico, either suit me.

Rating: 3 out of 10

Backstage Segment – Santinooooooooo

Well Santino’s quest for a tag team partner continues. I don’t know if Hacksaw is really a better option than Nintendo’s favourite WWE superstar Yoshi Tatsu but makes for a better team name that’s for sure. The rest of the stuff with Aksana and Drew McIntyre is just boring and really doesn’t deserve to be on WWE TV now that we are officially on the Road to Wrestlemania.

Rating: 4 out of 10

Epico and Primo v Santino Marella and “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan

This was pretty much the same as last week but a fraction longer. It wasn’t horrible but it certainly wasn’t by any stretch of the imagination good! I really have nothing to say about this, it was just filler TV nothing more, nothing less. Also, “Hacksaw” needs to put a t-shirt on his 90 year old man boobs aren’t something I want to see on a Friday night.

Winners: Epico and Primo

Rating: 4 out of 10

In Ring Segment – Cole Interviews Daniel Bryan

It really is amazing how the same guys can do a great promo last week yet completely stink up the place the very next one. This whole evil vegan gimmick that they are trying to push with Daniel Bryan is just awful! The main stream idea of a vegan is someone who is small, weak and about as threatening as Drew McIntyre at the moment. Now seen as Daniel Bryan is quite short for a WWE star and the fact that he isn’t exactly the defending champion then why give him a persona that has immediate connotations with being weak?

Then the Big Show came down and things got a little better, not much better but at least it wasn’t the demon vegan of Fleet Street sprouting trash about people killing chickens! When Big Show throws Daniel Bryan about the ring it’s pretty hilarious, although AJ came down to ruin the party looking so scared she should win a Razzie for her performance. It furthered the feud but it a really annoying way, I hate wrestling relationships and Bryan and AJ are definitely no Randy Savage and Miss Elizabeth.

Rating: 3 out of 10

Aksana and Tamina v Natalya and Beth Pheonix

Before this Natalya farted again, seriously 2 months away from one of the biggest Wrestlemania’s of all time and the WWE are doing a farting gimmick? I give up.

The match sucked and lasted about 2 minutes but of course it did because it’s the Divas division and it’s a complete joke. If this lasts I may just ask Larry if I can skip this waste of time.

Winner: Beth Pheonix and Natalya

Rating: 1 out of 10 (Only because Beth won)

Randy Orton v Wade Barrett

Before this the Great Khali was added to the Elimination Chamber. This is supposed to be the best 2 months of TV the WWE produce all year, Raw got a good show but Smackdown has to suffer this!

The match with Orton and Barrett was basically a squash with Barrett getting some offence once or twice during the match. It wasn’t a bad match, in fact it was a very enjoyable match. But because Orton dominated so much it seems obvious that Barrett and his push are over for the time being. Now I completely understand why they did this, Orton just coming back has to look strong and has to get vengeance for Barrett eliminating him from action for that brief spell. But this match could have easily been on PPV; in fact I would have loved this to have been dragged out until Wrestlemania. A Triple Threat or Fatal Four Way with Sheamus, Orton, Bryan and Barrett could have been very good, although slightly takes the spotlight off of Sheamus. But that is obviously off now and I really don’t know where the WWE are going with the World Title Match at Wrestlemania and I do wonder whether they have any big time Smackdown feuds that could go into Wrestlemania. Overall the match was a squash but a very entertaining one but in the bigger picture very confusing.

Winner: Randy Orton

Rating: 7.5 out of 10

Final Thoughts

Moment of the Night – Sheamus v Cody Rhodes

Trash of the Night – Divas once again.

Show Analysis – I didn’t think that Smackdown could get any worse after last week but the WWE once again proved me wrong in the absolute worst way. Randy Orton return to Smackdown action and squashed a potential World Heavyweight Champion, Daniel Bryan turned into the evil vegan and the Divas are just atrocious! After Raw this week I thought we were in for a genuinely great show but once again Smackdown is terrible. There used to be a time when Raw sucked and Smackdown was an awesome show but now it seems the exact opposite, Smackdown is becoming a burden to watch now. I can see why no one wanted to do the Instant Analysis for the show before. The show was completely disappointing and had very few redeeming features.

Show Rating: 4 out of 10

Well that’s it for this week but before I bow out I just want to say that I will be starting a new column over on the games section that will start this coming Tuesday. So if you want to know what are the 8 greatest consoles of all time head over to the games section on Tuesday. Except that I will be back next week for another “great” episode of Smackdown.