411’s TNA Against All Odds Report 02.14.10

Hey yo. Once again it’s pay per view time, as TNA brings us Against All Odds. I’m your host, Chris Lansdell, and I’m sad that no bitches will be killed dead and no asses will be dat’ed (or cubed) this evening. Here’s the card!

* TNA World Heavyweight Title: AJ Styles (C) vs. Samoa Joe

* The Nasty Boys vs. Team 3D

* Eight-Card Stud Tournament for a Title Shot at Lockdown

Round One
Abyss vs. Mick Foley
Matt Morgan vs. Hernandez
Kurt Angle vs. Mr Anderson
Desmond Wolfe vs. D’Angelo Dinero

Semi-Finals and Finals of the tournament

Hmm…needs more of this:

Take a look at me now, BROTHER!

HAJIME!

We open with Flair storming in all pissed off. Christy is trying to calm him down but Ric would rather rant about Bischoff being the ref tonight. Flair threatens to grab Bischoff by the neck and yank him around (giggity) and says that nobody will be screwing AJ tonight. Poor Mrs Styles.

Video package, with Optimus Prime voiceover. Win. They go from that to the most anaemic pyro display since…something that sucked. Well that should help pay Jeff Hardy’s salary. Taz has changed “Welp, here comes the pain” to “Welp, here comes the Pope.” This is because Taz rules.

Desmond Wolfe vs. D’Angelo Dinero

I am a fan of both of these men, and of Wolfe’s music. And to this guy:

Dogpound7382 (Guest) who is that in the picture?
Slap yo’self. That’s Phil Collins, who sings Against All Odds. Music existed before 1995.

Crowd is firmly with Pope. Wolfe gets a cross-arm sleeper into a bow and arrow, which Pope reverses. Wolfe is able to reverse it again. Pope backs him into the corner and is able to flip Wolfe over. Pope poses and then eats a European, Pope replies with a series of elbows. NICE flying forearm by Pope. Wolfe snaps the top rope into the eyes of Pope and tres the Tower of London from the apron instead of the corner, Pope blocks so Wolfe gets a back elbow and a back leg scissors, tripping Pope into the ropes neck-first. Wolfe starts on the arm now with the armbar and snap. Pope swings with a wild backhand but gets caught with a VIOLENT snap DDT for 2. Cravate applied by Wolfe, Pope with a scoop slam but Wolfe holds on to the cravate and rolls through. Nice. Pope rolls into an armdrag to break the hold and fires off some forearms. Inverted atomic, a HIGH flying burrito ($1 to Bobby Heenan) and a Pope slap put Wolfe in position for the Coronation…connects! HIGH crossbody for 2. Wolfe gets a double leg and tries a catapult but Pope catches himself and goes up top…caught. Tower of London…Pope fights it off. Wolfe with a throat thrust and goes up with Pope…SUPERPLEX! Pope ducks the lariat and gets a rollup for 2. Wolfe takes him down by the arm but misses the charge! Pope swings the legs of Wolfe through the ropes and hits a neckbreaker in the ropes! He sets for the DDE…connects! 1…2…3!

Winner: The Pope via pinfall (DDE)
Rating: ***¼

Flair goes to visit Uncle Eric. He wants to know how he can make himself the ref, and says Eric should have gone through him. Bischoff says Flair is just pissed because he can’t buy the ref. Flair can’t by a black-and-white striped exercise book right now. Bischoff tells Flair that he’s going to call it right down the middle. Suuuuure.

JB is with the tag champs who are about to face off against each other. They both say that they are not bothered about facing off tonight.

Matt Morgan vs. Hernandez

Cool, I just noticed that Hernandez has tricolor pyro to match the Mexican flag. Cue the commenters calling me delayed for just noticing that. Matt Morgan really needs a better robe.

They lock up and Morgan backs Hernandez into the corner. Taz calls them young lions, even though they are both over 30 and possibly over 35. Now Hernandez backs Morgan to the corner. Morgan knocks down Hernandez with a pair of shoulders, then Hernandez cleans Morgan’s clock with a bigger shoulder. Hernandez dodges the Carbon Footprint, Morgan slides out the back of the Border Toss. Repeating Elbows in the corner! Morgan charges into a boot, Hernandez hauls himself to the top and comes off with a badly-botched crossbody. Looked like Morgan tried to catch him and couldn’t hold on. Hernandezs runs into a roaring lariat for 2. Avalanche by Morgan, and a second in the opposite corner. Side slam gets 2. Morgan hits the running Boss Man attack over the top, then the legdrop on the apron Undertaker style. 1…2…no. A pair of short-arm clotheslines gets 2. Chinlock applied, Hernandez goes to the ribs to get out. Morgan is selling them like he’s injured. Hernandez to the apron, Morgan charges and gets caught with the slingshot shoulderblock. A par of clotheslines by Hernandez, an avalanche and a sidewalk slam gets 2. Whip reversed but Morgan drops his head…and gets caught. DELAYED vertical by Hernandez!!! That was a good 25 seconds, holding up a 300+ pound man. Morgan bails to the ramp…SUPER MEX! Oh snap, Hernandez fell badly and looks like he popped out the shoulder. Morgan stops the ref from counting out Hernandez, holds the ropes open for him, then runs him into the corner shoulder-first and grabs some tights for good measure. 1…2…3!

Winner: Matt Morgan via pinfall (shoulder into post)
Rating: **

Video package for the Orlando screwjob.

Christy has Kurt Angle, who apologises to Hulk Hogan and says he will never doubt Hogan again.

Kurt Angle vs. Mr Anderson

The mic hits Anderson on the way down. There goes his skull! As is his wont, Anderson works the heat masterfully while announcing himself. Giggity. Angle’s left hand is taped for some reason. This should be good to great.

Anderson gets a leg kick, he tries a second but Kurt picks it and goes for the ankle lock right away. Anderson scrambles and gets free. Shoulder tackle by Kurt and a headlock takedown. Anderson punches his way free and then steps on Angle’s neck. Angle reverses a whip and gets a big back body drop and a snap suplex for 2. He gets the 10-count punches in the corner, whips Anderson in but MISSES the charge and almost goes through the corner post, he hit it that hard. Anderson grabs Kurt’s dog tags and digs them into Kurt’s forehead. Ladies and gents, we have crimson! Angle fights back but gets planted with a DDT for 2. Stomps to the head by Anderson, followed by a chinlock. Man, Angle is bleeding all over Anderson. He fights free of the chinlock and gets a pair of clotheslines, then a release belly to belly for 2. Anderson reverses a whip but Angle bounces off the turnbuckles and levels Anderson with a clothesline. GERMAN! GERMAN ZWEI! GERMAN DREI! Anderson escapes out the back of the Angle slam and connects with the Finlay Roll for 2. Anderson is taking off the turnbuckle pad! Been a while since I saw that. The ref catches him and starts to replace the pad while Anderson removes the opposite one. He tries to drive Angle into it, he blocks, then Anderson blocks…Angle Slam! 1…2…2.847! Straps down, Ankle Lock! Anderson kicks him off, Angle charges…Anderson moves! Angle crashes into the exposed turnbuckle! MIC CHECK! 1…2…3! Oh boy. Thermonuclear meltdown in 3…2…1…

Winner: Mr. Anderson via pinfall (Mic Check)
Rating: ***¼

Anderson spits on Angle as he leaves the ring. Classy.

Bischoff is with Abyss and Foley and tries to get them to give 100%, talking about running a business. He threatens to remove Abyss’s mask again, and Foley wants to know how they can be sure that Bischoff isn’t just going to say that they went easy on each other. Bischoff says they’ll make it no DQ, and says one of them at least needs to use Barbie, the barbed-wire baseball bat, to avoid the demasking.

Abyss vs. Mick Foley

Abyss seems reluctant. He grabs a headlock and then runs through Mick with a shoulder. Foley goes for the bat but Abyss cuts him off and kicks the bat away. Whip by Abyss and an avalanche. Orlando wants him to use the bat. He picks it up but then drops it. Foley slaps him repeatedly and tells him to use the bat. Abyss snaps and knocks Foley’s fat ass down and to the floor. Abyss follows and Foley takes him to the railing, then waffles him with a chairshot to the back. He takes Abyss to the steps then rolls him inside. Foley gets the bat and charges but Abyss gets a boot up. Whip by Abyss, he drops his head and gets hit with a neckbreaker. Shots in the corner by Foley, who charges with the running knee. Foley has a bag…tack time! Rights by Foley and they tease Abyss falling into the tacks. Foley runs right into a goozle and Abyss thinks about slamming Foley into the tacks, but changes his mind and hits a chokeslam on the clean mat. 2 count off the chokeslam. Abyss steals Mr Socko! Foley ducks the Mandible Claw and eats canvas on a double-arm DDT! Foley steals the ref’s sock! DOUBLE MANDIBLE CLAWS! Foley manages to force Abyss to break the hold and takes Abyss to the mat with the claw. Arm drops once, arm drops twice…Foley breaks the hold and goes for the bat. He charges…BLACK HOLE SLAM into the tacks! Abyss freaks out because he’s bleeding, then makes the cover! 1…2…3! No bat was used.

Winner: Abyss via pinfall (Black Hole Slam)
Rating: **

Christy Hemme is with the Nasty Boys. Knobs says they’re not in TNA because they’re friends with Hogan. They’re in TNA to show the tag teams how it’s done.

The Nasty Boys vs. Team 3D

Oh you Nasty Boys! No her first name ain’t baby, it’s Janet…Miss Jackson if you nasty. Sags looks like he ate Brother Runt. Knobs looks like he ate Big Dick Dudley. 3D charge the ring and we have a pier sixer. Sags tears at the eyes of Ray while Knobs lays in some rights on Devon. 3D fire back and said Knobs to the floor, then level Sags with a double elbow. Sags bails. Finally the Nastys come back in and it’s Sags and Ray. Sags goes to the gut and lays in some shots, rips at Ray’s face and tags in Knobs. Knobs exchanges chops with Ray but goes to the eyes, then tags in Sags. Pitstop time! Ray reverses and shoves Sags into Knobs! SAITOOOOOOOO SUPLEX! 1…2…no. Tag to Devon, they get a double shoulder block and set for the 3D, Sags bails to the floor again. He comes back in and this time kicks Devon in the gut. Did he not watch the same thing happen to his brother? The Nastys double-team Devon in the corner (giggity) but Devon fights back and gets the better of them. He hits the flying shoulder tackle but gets low-bridged by Sags. Sags goes to work on Devon on the outside until Ray clocks him from behind. Back inside Knobs hits a scoop slam and an elbow drop, then tags in Sags. Double shoulder block takes Devon down. Devon fires back on Sags but his momentum is halted by a kick to the gut. Wow, this match is BAD. Like, Tomko-Richards bad. Nastys pull a switch and Knobs applies an abdominal stretch, then tags in Sags. Sags whips Devon then whips Knobs into him, but Devon moves and then levels Sags with a clothesline! HOT TAG! Right hands a plenty! Scoop slam for Knobs! One for Sags! He is a house! En! FUEGO~! Avalanche to both men in the corner, he tries a uranage to Sags but gets sandbagged and it looks horrible. Jabs to Knobs (giggity) followed by the elbow…WAZZUUUUUUUUP! Sags is in, he eats a 3D! The ref is distracted and JIMMY HART is here with a bike helmet! I was JUST thinking how the Nastys need Jimmy at ringside! Knobs nails Ray with the helmet!!! 1…2…3!

Winners: The Nasty Boys via pinfall (Sags on Ray, helmet shot)
Rating: -** All we need now is Brutus.

Joe and Bischoff are talking the importance of tonight. Bischoff tells Joe he’s gonna call it straight, and Joe tells HIM to take care of Flair.

The Pope vs Matt Morgan

This should be interesting. Morgan demonstrates his POWAR by throwing Pope across the ring. Pope rushes in with rights but gets brushed off, he rushes back in with more shots and a gorgeous dropkick…but Morgan launches him over the top and to the floor. Back inside, Pope’s rally is cut short by a kneelift, and it’s Repeating Elbow time! Avalanche by Morgan and the release side slam. He hits the top rope Boss Man attack for a one count, then locks in a bear hug. Pope fights out, boxes the ears and hits a dropkick to the knees, but stupidly tries a crossbody and gets caught. Fallaway slam by Morgan gets 2. He tries a powerslam but Pope turns it into a DDT! Sweet move. Pope goes nuts with forearms and elbows then hits the Pope Slap. Coronation time…ROARING LARIAT! 1…2…no! Morgan is fired up now. He lays in a series of shots in the corner and measures for the Carbon footprint…MISSES! Morgan is caught in the ropes! DDE!!! 1…2…3!

Winner: The Pope via pinfall (DDE)
Rating: **¼

Mr Anderson vs. Abyss

These two worked badly together last time they fought, so of course it makes sense to let them fight again right? Sheesh.

Abyss pushes Anderson off and into the corner. Anderson goes to the leg and tries a whip but he can’t move the Monster. He runs the ropes and tries a crossbody…and bounces off. He acts like he’s going for a test of strength but TAGS Abyss with a shot, then tries…a scoop slam? Oh dear. Abyss slams him across the ring then levels him with a boot. Clothesline sends Anderson to the floor, Abyss follows and takes his head to the steps. Anderson fights back with rights, rolls inside to break the count then tries to take Abyss to the railing. Blocked! Abyss takes him to the railing then rolls him inside. Abyss charges into a back elbow then dropkicks the knee of Abyss. Anderson goes after the mask of Abyss but fails, so he settles for a chop block. He goes to work on the knee in the corner, then wraps it in the ropes and dropkicks it. He charges again, GOOZLE! Anderson fights off the chokeslam but gets taken up and down with a backdrop. All traces of selling have disappeared as Abyss hits an avalanche and a side slam for 2. Tenay says Abyss is favouring the knee, which he isn’t. Anderson tries a Mic Check but gets hit with the Shock Treatment for 2. Abyss pulls Anderson up, but gets kicked in the knee. Anderson off the second rope…GOOZLE! Anderson pulls the mask over Abyss’s eyes which causes the Monster to release his grip…then he grabs the ref! Anderson waits, then nails a kick to the nuts and the Mic Check! 1…2…3!!

Winner: Mr. Anderson via pinfall (Mic Check)
Rating: **½ Much better than last time.

AJ and Flair are with Christy. Styles cuts the heel promo of his life, channelling Flair and The Rock, before Flair does what Flair does.

Video package for the match.

Stripey Bischoff is WALKING~! Hogan stops him backstage and tells him to let it go. Bischoff gives his word to call it down the middle. Hogan says he feels bad asking. Wait, they did that segment in front of a sign saying “Please keep elephant door closed when not in use.” I think the elephant has already bolted. It’s a big white one.

TNA World Heavyweight Title: AJ Styles (C) vs. Samoa Joe

Joe is bringing his briefcase. Oh good grief. Flair is fitting a robe on AJ, feather ruffles and all. As he comes down the ramp with the hood over his face, Joe looks like he’s trying not to laugh. SUPER SPACIAL RING ANNOUNCING! Bischoff checks both men for weaponry or Xantax, and here we go!

AJ bails to the floor quickly to avoid a corner beatdown. He comes back in and gets a headlock on Joe. AJ is pushed off and runs into a shoulder tackle. He tries again and bounces off. He makes as if to go for it a third time then just nails a right hand. Headlock applied again, Joe again pushes him off and decapitates him with a shoulder. Jabs in the corner, a whip and the butt-butt, followed by the enziguiri! Whip and a running high knee by Joe get 2. Styles mounts a brief comeback but eats a flying knee strike for 2. Knife edge by Joe, a round kick and then some leg kicks by Joe. He goes to the well one too many times and AJ gets the dragon screw. Right away AJ pounces on the injury. Snap mare and a kick to the back by AJ, then he stamps on the knee some more. He tries the figure four but gets kicked in the arse and out of the ring. JOE-PE SUICIDAAAAAAAA!! AJ lures Joe into the ring and out the other side, then takes it to Joe on the floor. AJ rips up the padding on the floor and tries a suplex on the concrete. Joe blocks and tries it himself, AJ slides out the back. Joe ducks a clothesline and hits a chop, then stalks Flair. Joe slides back in but eats a basement dropkick. AJ locks in a rear chinlock, Joe is able to get to his feet but EATS that gorgeous dropkick 1…2…no. AJ gets a couple of chops in the corner, Joe reverses and hits a pair, then AJ goes to the eyes and hits a few more. AJ puts Joe on the top rope, goes up with him and tries a rana from the top…Joe holds on! Top rope kneestrike!!! 1…2…no! Jabs and a chop in the corner, Styles reverses a whip and charges but gets caught with the uranage! Joe charges into a pair of feet, AJ mounts him and lays in the punches. Bischoff pulls AJ off which allows Flair to take Joe’s knee into the corner post. Back to the leg goes AJ. Bridging Indian Deathlock applied, Joe elbows out but ends up in a figure four. Bischoff almost catches Flair adding leverage, the hold gets broken anyway. AJ charges and Joe lifts him up and over the top and OH DAMN that was a splat. AJ hit the mats HARD on the outside. AJ rolls back in and gets taken down with a series of clotheslines. Inverted atomic, big boot, back senton gets 2. Snap powerslam! 1…2…2.893! More jabs and chops by Joe, he tries to lift a charging AJ to the floor again but Styles lands on the apron. Springboard forearm! Joe comes back with some slaps but runs into an elbow…moonsault inverted DDT! 1…2…no!! Styles wants the Clash…reversed! Kokina Klutch locked in! SLEEPERPLEX! Joe tries the muscle buster…connects! Flair pulls Bischoff to the floor!!! Joe is slapping the mat but Eric is busy decking Flair! They face off on the floor, Joe drags Bischoff in and they argue. Joe turns back to AJ PELE! Styles Clash! 1…2………….3!

Winner:AJ Styles via pinfall (Styles Clash)
Rating: ***½

Christy is with Anderson. He says he’s checking things off his bucket list tonight, and so far he’s done 2 of the things. Standard “Imma kick yo ass” promo.

JB is with Pope. He talks himself a good game before geting blitzed by Scott Hall and Six-Pac, who both look sober.

Mr. Anderson vs. The Pope

Pope’s music hits but he doesn’t come out. Anderson is out anyway and calls for the bell. The ref starts counting and Pope does make it to the entrance ramp, where he is met by a clothesline from Anderson. He beats on Pope then runs back to the ring to break the count before returning for more beatings. Again he breaks the count, then goes back on the offence. Pope fights back and takes Anderson to the apron! Now Pope rolls in to break the count but gets caught by Anderson and whipped HARD into the steps. More beatdown on the outside by Anderson, who comes back in and tells the ref to count. Pope makes it to the apron but Anderson knocks him off. Again Pope gets to the apron and catches a charging Anderson with a shoulder! Rights by Pope and a sharp chop, he tries a suplex but is not strong enough and Anderson takes him over. Hard whip to the corner by Anderson. Pope gets a STIFF smack out of nowhere and a small package for one, but Anderson quickly regains control with a clothesline and a trifecta of elbow drops. 2 count only. Anderson chokes Pope out on the ropes, then tries to take him to the turnbuckle but Pope has some fight left! Rights and lefts to the body with authority! Anderson stops the flurry with a shot to the ribs and a series of stomps, followed by a chinlock. Pope breaks the hold and gains some speed but gets stopped with a knee to the gut for 2. More stomps from Anderson. Short-arm clothesline gets 2 more, then back to the chinlock. Again Pope fights out, he gets a pair of clotheslines, an inverted atomic and the flying shoulder! Suplex, he rolls through and hits a German! Holds on, Anderson breaks the grip with an elbow but Pope gets the STO! 1…2…no! Pope avoids a charge and hits a STIFF uppercut….DDE to the chest! 1…2…NO! Anderson with a throat thrust and a big clothesline to regain control, then…he calls for the ceiling mic? He tells the crowd that they are one Mich Check away from the next number one contender…hold that thought. He grabs Pope…MIC CHECK! 1…2…NO!!! Anderson goes nuts but hits the Finlay Roll…he goes up top! Green Bay Plunge MISSES! DDE!!! 1…2…3!

Winner: D’Angelo Dinero via pinfall (DDE)
Rating: **½

Pope celebrates as we add another name to the “Vince…you done fucked up” list.