wrestling / TV Reports
411’s TNA Impact Report 03.04.10
It’s the end of an era! TNA Impact on Thursdays comes to an end tonight. We should get some good stuff. Maybe a major announcement and some matches for Monday. The usual from TNA.
Let’s get to tonight’s program.
• Video of some of the stuff we got last week. Flair mad at Hogan, Abyss ecstatic and the announcement of Hulk Hogan’s return to action.
• “Never Say Never” is tonight’s title.
• AJ Styles and Ric Flair are out to start us off. The camera panned to the crowd and there really was a Jesse Neal sign. Seriously.
Naitch and Styles get in the ring with a bunch of ladies and Flair says he’s had a week to think about Hulk Hogan. Flair wants Hogan to come out so they can apologize for their behavior. Flair wants to give back to Hogan and TNA.
THE HULKSTER~! and Abyss enter together. Flair wants to make sure the conversation is a peaceful one. He then reiterates his intentions to make up for last week. He says Hogan can have any of the ladies that are with them. Abyss is promised nothing. Hogan speaks. He says he doesn’t need Flair to buy him a drink or give him some Viagra, he’s in the ring to address his promise not to lace the boots up. Flair’s actions from last week have caused everything to change according to Hogan and on March 8th, Hogan and Abyss are going to take Flair and Styles to school. Hogan asks what Naitch and Styles are gonna do. Abyss finishes the sentence and ruins everything. Boo.
Flair says Hogan doesn’t know what he’s talking about. He retired too but he’s looking forward to the match on March 8th. The one thing he’s never done is beat Hogan on national television. AJ Styles decides to talk and tells Hogan times have changed. AJ Styles is the new king and he’s trying to get Hogan to save face. AJ says Hogan is risking his prestige by getting into the ring with Styles on Monday. Styles and Flair try to leave but they get interrupted by Eric Bischoff.
Bischoff says the champ has some business tonight. He has a four corner title match against D’Angelo Dinero, Abyss and Desmond Wolfe. Flair says Styles has a big match on Monday but Bischoff keeps the match as is.
• Taz and Tenay discuss TNA’s move to Monday.
• We get thrown backstage with Jeremy Borash and Desmond Wolfe. Wolfe talks about his willingness to do whatever it takes to win and he plans on doing that tonight. He calls AJ Styles a model champion but then says he’s going to beat the man to be the man. He then calls Pope a chav and Abyss a window licker. Wolfe’s valet says Abyss’ ring is fine and she wants it. Wolfe says what Chelsea wants, Chelsea gets.
• We return to see Eric Bischoff on the phone taking a shot at the XFL. Jeff Jarrett walks in and puts over his burger-making skills. Bischoff notices Jarrett is unharmed by being degraded and Jarrett says he’s going to stay in TNA. Jarrett wants to get back into wrestling and Bischoff goes on a rant about how he thought up Jarrett’s next job. He picks up a plunger from under his desk and tells Jeff to take care of business. Jarrett grabs the plunger and says he’s going to be the best TNA janitor ever.
• The Motor City Machine Guns are out for our first match of the night. The announcer lets us know it’s a four-way non-title tag match. Generation Me, Beer Money and Hernandez and Morgan join the Guns as the participants. Morgan and Hernandez tease chemistry problems as Morgan gets to the ring ahead of Hernandez.
Match One
Matt Morgan and Hernandez v. Beer Money v. Generation Me v. the Motor City Machine Guns
Chris Sabin and Jeremy Buck start off. Sabin locks in an arm wrench but Jeremy reverses. Sabin gets out of the attack with an arm drag and tags in Shelley. Shelley and Sabin double team Jeremy with multiple kicks. Shelley pins Jeremy and gets a two count. Shelley steps on Jeremy’s hand and then locks in another arm ringer. Jeremy reverses and elbows his way into command. He tags in Max who comes in with a moonsault onto Shelley’s arm. Max tags in Jeremy who comes in with a stomp off the top rope. Jeremy tries an arm wrench but Shelley punches out and tags in Sabin. Sabin goes behind but Jeremy avoids. Sabin tries to get Max but Sabin gets caught in the corner. Double team attack in the corner from Generation Me. Pinfall gets two.
Generation Me tries to double team Sabin but Sabin throws them to the outside. Hernandez tags himself in and catches Max from the top rope. Military Press Slam from Hernandez to Max Buck. Hernandez gets on the apron for his slingshot attack but Morgan tags himself in. Morgan lifts Jeremy with a choke and catches Max from the top with a choke. Double chokeslam from Morgan to Generation Me. Morgan taunts Hernandez as James Storm tags himself in. Storm nails Morgan with a Superkick and gets the win for Beer Money.
WINNER: Beer Money Inc.
Good match that was sadly, too short. I don’t know why TNA loves making tag team partners fight so much but it is what it is.
• We’re in the back with Sean Morley, Slick Johnson and Eric Bischoff. Bischoff talks about his attempts to break Jarrett and says he’s decided to put him in a match. It’s a Falls Count Anywhere match against Sean Morley. Bischoff instructs Morley to find Jarrett and start the match in the men’s room. He tells Johnson to call it right down the middle.
• Jarrett is seen mopping in the bathroom.
• Kurt Angle is in Hulk Hogan’s office with a problem. He wants Hogan to let him take care of Styles on Monday. Angle says Hogan has done more than anyone has done in seven years. Hogan is too important to go out and wrestle according to Kurt. Hogan says this is his last shot and if he can’t get through Monday, he can’t carry on. He has to earn the respect for himself. Angle tells Hogan to take care of himself.
• Vignette for Mick Foley’s etiquette class. We see Mick carry out tasks such as walking, taking off a woman’s jacket and things of the like. The teacher suggests a new hairstyle for Foley but he justifies it’s existence. It’s to be continued. Yay.
• Morley tells Johnson to ring the bell in front of the men’s room.
Match Two
Jeff Jarrett v. Sean Morley
Morley punches Jarrett multiple times. He sends Jarrett into a stall and then slams his head against the stall door. He does so again and then goes back to punching Jarrett. He rams Jarrett’s shoulder into the shower and covers. Two count.
Slick Johnson tells Jarrett he’s in a match. Morley kicks Jarrett in the face and then slams his shoulder against the bathroom door. He slams the door against the shoulder multiple times. He then kicks the door into Jarrett’s shoulder. Morley sends Jarrett’s head into a door and covers. Three count
WINNER: Sean Morley
Okay. It was short and non-offensive. Kind of dumb but it advanced a storyline.
• Christy Hemme and D’Angelo Dinero discuss Dinero’s feud with AJ Styles and the Nature Boy. Pope says Naitch and Styles tried to take him down but he’s going to arrive tonight. Dinero says his doctor isn’t going to be happy about him wrestling but he has to do it. Hemme transitions the interview into tonight’s main event. Pope says he has big plans for Lockdown but he’s going to leave tonight as the new TNA World Heavyweight Champion.
• British Invasion’s breakup is captured in a neat little video package. Doug Williams enters first for the following non-title match. His opponent is former British Invasion stable-mate, Rob Terry. Taz talks about Terry’s improvement as a single’s wrestler.
Match Three
Rob Terry v. Doug Williams
Williams slaps Terry prompting Terry to shove him to the mat. Terry applies his hand around Williams’ neck and puts him into military press position. He slams Williams to the mat. Bearhug from Terry to Williams. Williams bites his way out of it and stuns Terry with an uppercut. Williams bounces off the ropes but Terry is there with a leg lariat. Terry lifts Williams for a powerslam but Williams gets out for a roll-up attempt. Williams tries an attack but Terry is there with a chokeslam that looks like David Otunga’s spinebuster from the NXT debut.
WINNER: Rob Terry
I get that they’re trying to build Terry up but I don’t think squashing a guy he’s feuding with is smart. Especially when that guy is the X Division Champion.
• Magnus runs in after and attacks Rob Terry. He boots Terry in the head and tells Terry he should have never turned his back on the Invasion. He tells Williams to prop Terry up and Magnus follows that up with a boot to the head.
• A trainer is looking at Jeff Jarrett’s injury. Bischoff takes over and stretches the arm the wrong way. Jarrett asks if Bischoff is happy and Bischoff taunts him. Jarrett wants to get back to business and Bischoff says he gave Jarrett what he wanted. Jarrett kicks everything in the back and yells at Bischoff about giving him matches in the bathroom. Bischoff says he’ll give Jarrett a match in the ring and it’s tonight! He tells Jarrett to get ready and leaves.
• Mr. Anderson walks in the back, dressed up as Kurt Angle.
• We’re back from commercial with more etiquette school. Mick Foley walks with a book on his head. The teacher then tries to teach him how to button his jacket because a gentlemen always buttons up his jacket. She then teaches Mick how to help a lady sit down and how to eat. She tells him to put a napkin on his lap but he says he brought his own and brings out Mr. Socko. Some bad television right there.
• Speaking of bad television, we get Mr. Anderson highlights. We see Anderson and his feud with Angle, including Anderson’s toying around with Angle’s dog tag.
• Kurt Angle’s music plays and Mr. Anderson is out dressed up like Kurt. His dog tag says “LOSER.” Tenay says Anderson has taken disrespect and dishonor to a new level. Anderson (Angleson?) makes fun of Angle by calling him injury prone…
Really?!
Anyways, Anderson goes over various ways “he’s” broken his neck. “Angle” says he’s just using the dog tag to get sympathy from the fans and this brings the real Kurt out.
Kurt punches Ken multiple times. He follows that up with a ton of clotheslines. Anderson rolls out after the last one but Angle follows him. Anderson throws a cup at Angle and gains momentum. Anderson puts Angle in the ring and takes the straps down. Angle Slam. Anderson takes off the bald cap he was wearing and shoots it at Angle’s face. Anderson takes the warrior medal and puts it around his neck to send the show to a break.
• Abyss walks into Hulk Hogan backstage. Abyss says he needs to talk to Hogan for just a few minutes. Abyss says he isn’t proud of “this,” and says he didn’t have a good childhood. Hogan says he doesn’t have to continue but Abyss says he has to. When Abyss was small, his mother didn’t let him watch TV. He would go upstairs and watch Hogan on a small TV. He begged his mom to take him to see Hogan and she did. Hogan says he knew Abyss was watching him and Abyss says he always has Hogan’s back. Abyss talks about last week and Hogan tries to stop him. Abyss says Hogan gave him the Hall of Fame ring and the ring encompasses all of the Hulkamaniacs. Abyss says he can take care of AJ and Ric by himself. Hogan asks Abyss if he would ever push Hogan to the side and Abyss says never. Hogan says the two are family and what happened last week wasn’t Abyss’ fault. The power of Hulkamania is in Abyss’ hand and nothing bad will ever happen to Hogan because Abyss is with him. They share a hug and Hogan thanks Abyss for protecting him.
• More talk of the Monday Impact from Taz and Tenay.
• Video package for the Beautiful People. We then see Angelina Love in a photo shoot from earlier in the day. The Beautiful People interrupted it and attacked Love. Sky attacked Love with a belt as Lacey Von Erich held her down.
• AJ Styles does a little package for the new MLB 2k10 game. In the commercial with Evan Longoria, he breaks up a perfect game from my Texas Rangers. Words can’t describe how sad I’d be if that actually happened.
• We return from break to see Angelina Love make her entrance. She asks for a mic and calls Velvet Sky out. Velvet Sky is out by herself with the belt she beat Love with earlier. Sky stops at the ramp but Love gives chase. Sky tries to run away but Love catches her and slams Sky’s face against the ramp. Love sends Sky into the guardrail and then back into the ramp. Sky grabs her knee but Love continues the assault. Love rolls Sky into the ring and whips her against the ropes. Boot to the face from Love to Sky. Angelina grabs the belt but the rest of the Beautiful People come out. Rayne gets into the ring but Love hits her with the belt. Lacey attacks Love with the Ugly Stick and the three ladies beat down Love. Von Erich and Rayne hold down Love as Rayne continues her assault from earlier with the belt.
• Bubba the Love Sponge walks into Hulk Hogan’s office. Bubba talks about his friendship with the Hulkster and calls him Terry in there. Bubba tries to talk Hogan out of the match but Hulk tells him he’s going to wrestle. Hogan says wrestling is the only thing that loved him back and Bubba names a bunch of people that love Hogan (but leaves me out). Bubba tells Hogan to not be a mark for himself and says he should reconsider his decision to wrestle.
• More etiquette school with Mick and his teacher. She teaches him how to thank Bischoff for the etiquette school and how to say goodbye to a lady.
• Video package going over Big Sexy’s feud with Scott Hall and Syxx Pac. On Monday, we’ll hear Nash and Young’s thoughts on The Band. The Band now has an nWo-esque logo.
• Tomko is out for the next match and the announcers let us know his opponent is Jeff Jarrett. Jarrett is out with no music and no fanfare. He holds his shoulder in pain but still points at fans for approval.
Match Four
Jeff Jarrett v. Tomko
Tomko taunts Jarrett about the shoulder before they start. They grapple with Tomko getting a headlock applied. Jarrett tries to get out of it but Tomko takes him down with a shoulder block. Arm wrench from Tomko to Jarrett. Tomko shoves his shoulder into Jarrett’s shoulder. Jarrett tries to break out of the arm wrench but Tomko sends Jarrett into the corner. Tomko charges him but Jarrett moves. It doesn’t matter as Tomko is there with an elbow. Tomko goes to the apron and bends Jarrett’s shoulder on the ropes. Jarrett tries to punch his way out but Tomko uses the ropes to cause more damage on the shoulder. Tomko catches a Jarrett boot but Jarrett nails an enziguri. Jarrett puts a knee to the back of Jarrett but Jarrett gets caught with an elbow on the following attack. Two count on the pin.
Tomko goes for another pin and gets another two. Tomko boots the shoulder multiple times. Tomko tries to lock in a high key lock but Jarrett grabs the ropes. Tomko kicks the shoulder before letting go. Tomko with an armbar takedown. He covers and gets another two. Keylock from Tomko to Jarrett. Jarrett punches Tomko in the abdomen but Tomko sends him to the ropes. Jarrett responds with a boot to the face. Tomko tries to take Jarrett out with a powerslam but Jarrett turns it into a DDT. In the corner, Jarrett punches Tomko multiple times. Tomko turns that into an inverted atomic drop. In the opposite corner, Tomko nails Jarrett with multiples shoulder blocks. Jarrett blocks one and gets a rollup for the win.
WINNER: Jeff Jarrett
I was afraid Tomko was going to win but that didn’t happen. It was a solid match that got some time and made everyone look good.
• Bischoff is seen in the back angered at the results. Jarrett celebrates on the ramp.
• Hogan and Bischoff are in the back. Bischoff is the 234064th person tonight trying to talk Hogan out of the match on Monday. Bischoff says no one can take TNA to the next level except Hogan. Hogan reminds Bischoff that he promised he’d stick behind the Hulkster no matter what. Hogan says there is no tomorrow if he doesn’t wrestle. Bischoff says he has Hogan’s back and they share a fist pound. Hogan says he can’t take anymore discussion about it and Bischoff says there will be no more from him.
• Desmond Wolfe is out for the main event. The announcers remind us Chelsea wants Abyss’ ring. D’Angelo Dinero follows him. He limps to the ring as we get video highlights of Styles and Naitch’s beatdown on Dinero. I completely forgot Abyss was using American Made but we’re reminded of that during his entrance. Any guy would have gotten over had they teamed him with the Hulkster. Why Abyss? AJ Styles is the last guy out. He’s still rocking the Ric Flair-esque robe. Flair is with him. Tenay lets us know that the first pin or submission will win the match.
Match Five
Abyss v. D’Angelo Dinero v. Desmond Wolfe v. AJ Styles
TNA World Heavyweight Championship
AJ Styles and D’Angelo Dinero start the match. Dinero limps badly so Styles knees him. Chop from Dinero to Styles. Styles tries to whip Pope but Pope reverses into a shoulder block. Leg take down by Styles to Pope. Styles tries the figure four but Pope kicks him off and tags in Abyss. Wolfe gets tagged in by Pope and he tries a sunset flip. Abyss comes straight down with a drop. He motions for a chokeslam but Styles tries to attack. He catches Styles but they break out of the hold. Double clothesline from Abyss to Wolf and Styles. Side slam from Abyss to Wolfe. Pinfall gets a two. The faces take the heels out of the ring to send us to a break.
We return to action seeing Styles toss Pope into the ring. Styles mounts Pope and attacks with punches. On the outside, Wolfe dodges a charge from Abyss. Styles lifts Pope but Pope dodges a chop. Flair distracts Dinero allowing Styles to take him out with a chop block. The ref talks to Styles allowing Flair to kill Pope’s ankle with a chair. He hits it like four times. Styles locks in the Figure Four leg lock. Pope holds on for like a minute and a half before the ref calls for the bell. Where the hell were Wolfe and Abyss?
WINNER: AJ Styles
This could have been so much better with the people involved. It felt really short and just never picked up. The ending made D’Angelo Dinero look pretty great though and there was nothing that could be called “all-time bad.”
• After the match, Styles and Flair kicks Pope. Wolfe seems kind of upset that he didn’t win but joins in on beating down Dinero. Abyss gets in the ring and takes Wolfe down. He takes care of Styles and Wolfe until Flair comes in with a barbed wire baseball bat. Abyss screams in pain as the Nature Boy targets the leg with the bat. Wolfe holds down Abyss as Styles and Flair beat down Abyss.
THE HULKSTER runs in for the save. He takes Flair out with the barbed wire bat. Wolfe tries to join in but Hogan scares him away. Flair is bleeding in the corner. Hogan jams the bat into the head and we get the Flair Flop. Multiple punches from the greatest wrestler of all-time to Flair. Security tries to break things up but Hogan takes them out. Abyss helps Hogan and the two clean house. We get a commercial but Tenay promises they’ll return with more information.
• We return with Hulk on the mic. He says what happened right now was an example of what’s going to happen on the live Impact. After Monday, no one will remember who Ric Flair was. D’Angelo Dinero tells the heels to come back but security holds them back. Taz and Tenay end the program highlighting Monday’s Impact.
• I’m not sure how things are going to work on Monday. I’m not even sure if I’ll be doing the show but 411mania will have live coverage of Impact in four days. Be sure to check the site out for that and all of your wrasslin’ needs.
Quick Results
» Beer Money def. Matt Morgan and Hernandez, Generation Me and the Motor City Machine Guns [Pinfall, Storm on Morgan]
» Sean Morley def. Jeff Jarrett [Pinfall]
» Rob Terry def. Doug Williams [Pinfall, Chokeslam]
» Jeff Jarrett def. Tomko [Pinfall, Rollup]
» AJ Styles def. D’Angelo Dinero, Desmond Wolfe and Abyss [Submission, Styles made Pope tap]
