411’s TNA Impact Report 04.27.06

Last week on Impact:

Match #1 Team Canada defeated Team USA

Match #2 Rhino, AJ Styles & Ron Killings defeated The Diamonds in the Rough

In the back with JB and Larry Z. Larry wants to talk about Lockdown. This is the biggest PPV in TNA history. Fucking Slick Johnson is here again, Larry wants to work something out and Slick says when the new guy gets here he’ll have a clean slate. He says it has something to do with Raven and he gives Larry an envelope. Slick makes fun of his hair and Larry gets pissed.

Back in the IMPACT Zone and coming to the ring is NWA Champion Christian Cage, he dresses almost as bad as JJ. Is that his wife’s shirt?

Cage “The peep zone is live tonight baby! Are you ready for Lockdown? You see it is brutally obvious Abyss that you have made our match more than personal. You tried to embarrass my family and me. All you did was piss me off and make me more motivated. You see Abyss, we know what you are all about, and you’re a monster. What we didn’t realize is that you didn’t have a set of balls. It’s like this, I am not 6’8 or 300 lbs. What I am is the NWA world champion, and when I said I would die for this title I meant it. I saw in your eyes that you are the one that is scared, scared of the fact that the NWA Champion isn’t afraid of you.

Mitchell: “That will be enough of that Cage. It is good to see that you are as delusional as ever. We didn’t do what we did for the sheer pleasure, we did it so you would lose control. If you lose that, you’ll lose your focus and then, you will become an EX Champion. I make you one more promise. At Lockdown my 6’8 350lbs Weapon of Mass Destruction will walk out with the NWA Title.”

Abyss is out to attack Cage. Cage nails Abyss with the mic and tries the unprettier but gets tossed off and BLACK HOLE SLAM to Cage. Abyss has his chain and chokes out Cage. Abyss picks up the NWA Title and holds it high as he continues to choke Cage. Security FINALLY comes out to help. Shock Treatment to a security guy! HAHAHA!

Match #3 Team JJ defeated Team 3D

BRAWL~! Team Canada and Team JJ beat them down easily. But here is Team Sting, without Sting. Team 3D/Sting clear the ring and Rhino takes it to JJ with a belly to belly. Abyss is out and trips up Rhino to save JJ. GOOZLE! Cage is out to get some revenge. Cage rocks Abyss and takes him to the floor with a Foley like clothesline. Rhino press slams JJ and Steiner is here to level Rhino. Belly to belly by Steiner to Rhino. STING is here and he cleans house as we oddly cut to the end.

Today on iMpact:

Rhino vs. Abyss

World X Cup Match: Team USA (Sonjay Dutt & Alex Shelley) vs. Team Japan (Hirooki Goto & Minoru)

X Title Match: Samoa Joe © vs. Jay Lethal

TNA iMpact Starts…NOW!

We get a highlight package from Lockdown.

Mitchell and Abyss walk. Mitchell says he told him he would have the belt and humiliate Cage. The world is yours Abyss, the true world champion.

Sounds like we have new theme music this week.

Tenay and West welcome us to IMPACT! PYRO! HYPE! IMPACT ZONE!

Abyss w/James Mitchell and NWA Title come to the ring.

Mitchell: “Christian Cage, Lockdown was all about brutality, violence and survival. Unlike you Cage, Abyss survived and walked out with the NWA Title firmly in his grasp. I am sure that you feel that you own the NWA world title, but possession is 9/10ths of the law. If anyone thinks they can take the title, I dare you to come out!”

Rhino answers the challenge!

Rhino vs. Abyss w/Mitchell

We have a match as Rhino starts beating on Abyss. He cleans house and sends Abyss to the floor and we get a commercial @ 0:35.

Back @ 3:50 with Mitchell beating Rhino down. Rhino back to his feet and charges Abyss but eats a big boot. Choke by Abyss now as Mitchell yells instructions. Abyss scares the ref, cause he’s BIG~! Rhino tries to fight back again but Abyss clubs him down again to maintain control. Abyss kindly steps on his head, better than his nuts. Chops by Abyss in the corner…”RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!” Rhino fights back and is dropped again. Rear neck vice by Abyss, Rhino with rights and elbows to escape and gets a flying clothesline. Elbows to Abyss. GOOZLE by Abyss…CHOKESLAM gets 2. Irish whip by Abyss, misses a corner charge and Rhino back with rights. Shoulder charge in the corner by Rhino and a belly-to-belly toss. Mitchell on the apron and Bobby Roode runs in and levels Rhino with the NORTHERN LARIAT! Abyss is up as Mitchell gives the DOOMSDAY sign. Black hole slam and that’s all.

Winner: Abyss @ 8:39 via pin

Cage is here for revenge! He spears Abyss and starts to kick his ass. Mitchell takes the belt and runs away. Abyss has Cage and starts to beat him down. Abyss misses a charge and goes to the floor. Crowd hot for Cage as he grabs a mic. Cage: “Abyss, I think you have something that belongs to the peeps! And I think the Christian Coalition would agree that no one wants to see Shrek as NWA Champion. So this was your plan. I say at Sacrifice, we hang that title belt and suspend it above the ring and mix in tables, ladders and chairs. And since you like the chains and tacks, toss them in for full metal mayhem! If it doesn’t happen before, I will take my belt back because that’s…how I roll!”

We got a bit over 5-minutes of action, and it was there; nothing special at all. They did set up an apparent Rhino vs. Bobby Roode match, why I don’t know and the main event of the next PPV. So at least they accomplished something.

JB is with JJ, Steiner, Jackie and Gail. Jeff is dressed like a Salvation Army pimp. At Sacrifice they want Sting in a tag partner, and he can have any partner he wants. Larry Z is there, and Sting said he wants them in the ring tonight to see who his partner will be. Larry asks if Raven is here, and if JB sees him to let him know.

Back form commercial with an Alex Shelley movie. He has a special interview with Kevin Nash! That will air next week. Interesting.

Tenay and West speculate what Nash will have to say.

World X Cup Scoring:

1 Round Tag Match Win = 2
2 Round Match Win = 3
3rd Round Match Win = 5

World X Cup Match: Team USA (Sonjay Dutt & Alex Shelley) vs. Team Japan (Hirooki Goto & Minoru)

Dutt and Minoru to begin. Lock up and D’Amore and Petey are at ringside to do commentary. Minoru tosses Dutt down, and Petey takes notes. D’Amore says that he will add Tyson Dux and Johnny Devine to Petey and Eric Young. Alex tags in and gets a double stomp to the shoulder of Minoru. Neck breaker and then tosses Dutt onto Minoru and gets 2. Off the ropes and a running knee charge by Alex. Minoru with a sidekick into a single leg submission. Minoru breaks and gets a basement dropkick to Alex. Boots to Alex, tag to Goto and he rams Alex to the corner. Stiff kicks to Alex and Goto in control. Single leg crag, breaks as he mocks Dutt and tags Minoru back in. Wishbone on Alex, and we see Jerry Lynn and Chris Sabin scouting the match backstage. Minoru with boots to Alex, sets him up top…Alex fights out, knocks him off and Goto in…SENTON/DROPKICK BY ALEX to both members of Team Japan! Tag to Dutt and he gets a springboard leg lariat to Goto for 2. Minoru in and an Irish whip, but a double dropkick by Dutt and Shelley. Top rope leg drop by Dutt and a Kryptonite Krunch by Alex. Things break down and they go wild, Alex tossed to the floor and Goto with a missile dropkick to Dutt. Back suplex by Goto and he gets 2. Kick by Minoru, suplex by Goto for 2 as Alex makes the save. Enziguri by Alex, SLICED BREAD #2, Dutt flies in with the press and gets the cover for the win!

Winners: Team USA @ 6:28 via pin

Fun match I thought, I wish I could have had it be a little longer but there were no commercials and it was real non-stop action, so complaints are at a minimum.

Team USA – 2-Points
Team Japan – 0-Points
Team Canada – 0-Points
Team Mexico – 0-Points

JB is with AJ and Daniels. AJ says that AMW, in Lethal Lockdown he had his eyes opened. They are with JJ and have tarnished the tag titles. AJ says he chose Daniels to help him take the titles from AMW. The match is next week. What qualifies them Daniels asks, well AJ is the most prolific champion in TNA history and he is the longest running X Champ ever. They waged wars against each other, and together they will prove their greatness.

Samoa Joe walks to the ring as we head to a commercial.

We are back with a cool video package for “Senshi.” He promises to rule the X-Division.

Larry Z is in the ring as JB does his super special ring announcing. Raven attacks and chases Larry and the match starts.

X Title Match: Samoa Joe © vs. Jay Lethal

Joe starts to kick the shit out of Lethal. Slaps by Joe, some reversals and a neck breaker by Lethal gets 1. Chops by Lethal, now rights to Joe. Off the ropes and Joe catches a flying Lethal for a flapjack. Snap mare, chops, kicks and a running knee drop by Joe, sweet combo gets 2. Kicks by Joe now, he stalks Lethal, picks him up and a snap mare into a rear choke. Lethal battles out, but eats the quick powerslam for 2. Joe right into a cross arm breaker, but Lethal gets the ropes. We head to a commercial @ 3:00.

Back form commercial @ 7:00 with Joe dominating Lethal. Irish whip and a running forearm and then Enziguri by Joe. Face wash time, running boot and Lethal is down. Cover and 2 for Joe. Rear headlock by Joe now, Lethal tries to battle out…gets to his feet and escapes. Flying forearm by Lethal. Hip toss and a basement dropkick to Joe. Gets a cover for 2. Lethal on the apron…springboard right into the STJOE! Running knee of doom by Joe! MUSCLE BUSTA by Joe and that is all.

Winner: Samoa Joe @ 9:34 via pin

So we lost half of it or so to commercial, that blew. What was there was good though.

As Joe is still in the ring, JJ and Steiner come to the ring. They stare down on the ramp and Joe and Steiner have a face to face. Joe isn’t impressed as we head to commercial.

We are back and will Sting announce his partner? Sting comes out as JJ and Steiner wait in the ring. Sting walks right into the ring with them, which seems to not be that smart an idea. JJ says he already knows, as Sting models his new jacket. Sting says JJ gets to choose. He has tunnel #1 and #2 as choices, and the guys are actually there. It is all up to JJ to make the choice. JJ says this isn’t the Price is Right. Sting says he will get rid of the cancer that is JJ. What will it be, #1 or #2? JJ says the fans have no choice here.

JJ and Steiner discuss things, and Sting says this will be game show format. He has a hostess, Christi Hemme. She looks hot. We get hokey game show music (rip off of Jeopardy) and JJ has 0:30 seconds. He and Steiner discuss. Sting says if they don’t pick, things are null and void and they will have new choices the next time. JJ says he will not get pulled into the games. He says to show up at the PPV because Sting has no one.

Sting describes #1, is a former member of the n W o. JJ says he doesn’t care. Sting says he wants to show he meant business. #1 is also a 5-time world tag team champion with 4-different partners and is on probation in Georgia, and that’s a shoot and his mom was a former tag champion. It’s that asshole Buff Bagwell. Rot in hell you no selling asshole! JJ and Steiner are amazed that he is actually here.

JJ asks if that is all Sting could do? Sting says Buff is still the stuff, but JJ made a wise choice. #2 went to Miami U, and is a member of the Green Bay Packers HOF. He signed with the WBF and is a fugitive, 2-time WCW champion…Lex Luger. Lex gets about no reaction. JJ and Steiner bail as this drags on, as JJ wants to know where he dug these guys up.

Final Impact Thoughts: Well they did a lot of work towards the PPV, and they have to since they only have 3-weeks to build this one. The World X Cup match was a good one, they set the World Title match for the show and did more with Sting and JJ. The last segment wasn’t “bad” per say, but it seemed like it lasted way too long, time that could have went to the Joe vs. Lethal match. Nothing blow away, but a solid show.