411’s TNA Impact Report 08.05.10

-Opening video package kicks things off, highlighting the EV2.0 stuff from last week.

There’s No Place Like Home

-Tenay and Taz run down the card, as Dreamer and RVD take on Raven and Abyss in tag team action. Speaking of Dreamer, he here he comes down to the ring.

-Dreamer tells Raven to get out here, cuz he’s got some splannin’ to do. Raven shows up on the stage. Dreamer asks him why he did it. Raven knows what this means to them and to everyone. They were friends, they were enemies, the best of friends, the worst of enemies. He thought that was behind them. He wants to destroy that? Why? Raven says they’ve known each other for 30 years. Raven asks if he thinks Dreamer would ever forgive him for taking away his girl. Those kids should have been his. He bided his time, knowing Dreamer would commit his heart and soul to something. Here it is. He’s committed everything, and he’s shattered it into a million pieces. His kids should be calling him daddy. He’s going to cripple Dreamer at Hardcore Justice, and his kids will be calling him daddy. Dreamer walks up the ramp and takes out Raven. Abyss comes out and goes after Dreamer. Abyss goozles Dreamer, and RVD hits Abyss from behind with a chair. Rob with a thrust kick off the ramp to Abyss. More chair shots by Rob as they battle through the crowd. Back on the stage, Raven hits Dreamer with the Even Flow DDT. Foley shows up behind Raven. Raven turns around and Foley nails him in the gut with a barbed wire bat. Foley says it will be the final encounter between Dreamer and Raven at Hardcore Justice, and there will be a winner, because Foley’s the special guest referee.

-Tenay and Taz hype up Hardcore Justice, but say we’ve got some extreme tonight. Beer Money vs the Guns in Ultimate X. Jay Lethal will face Ric Flair in a Street Fight. Raven and Abyss will face RVD and Dreamer in tag team action.

-And here comes The Beautiful People, Velvet Sky and Lacey Von Erich. The belts are on the line when we come back from commercial.

Match 1: The Beautiful People (Velvet Sky and Lacey Von Erich)© vs Taylor Wilde and Hamada – TNA Knockout’s Tag Team Championship

Lacey and Taylor start things off. Roll up by Taylor, but a quick kick out. Velvet pulls the hair of Taylor. Leg sweep by Taylor. Lacey catches Taylor off the ropes and hits a fallway slam. Hamada gets the tag. Heabutts and chops to Lacey. Velvet grabs Hamada but gets hung up on the top rope. Spinning knee (I guess) by Lacey to Hamada. Velvet gets the tag and TBP double team Hamada. Snapmare followed by a kick to the back. Pin but only two. Lacey gets the tag. She goes for a backfliip elbow, but misses. And aagain misses. Taylor gets the tag and hits Lacey with some forearms. Bridging german suplex conncects, and Velvet breaks up the pin. Hamada works down Velvet. Taylor and Hamada with clotheslines to TBP. Madison Rayne shows up on the stage, and the biker is here. TBP retake control. Hamada and Velvet both take each other down at the same time. Velvet misses a slap and hit’s the ref by accident. Velvet and Hamada go to the outside. Lacey and Taylor are in the ring. The biker hands Lacey the chair, but Taylor dropkicks it into her face. Pin and we’ve got new champs.

Winner : Taylor Wilde and Hamada (I’m really not to sure about this new team of Taylor and Hamada. I really had no problems with Taylor and Sarita, but I’ll wait to see how things turn out. Lacey looked really green in this match, and that kind of brought it down. Still, I‘d prefer Lacey looking green over having to see Alicia Fox botch that Axe Kick every week. This was a decent match though, nothing special, but watchable)

Taylor and Hamada celebrate with the belts as Velvet looks on, extremely pissed.

-We’re back, and the Television Championship is on the line.

Match 2: Rob Terry (#10) vs AJ Styles© (#6) (w/ Kazarian) – TNA Television Championship

I don’t know why, but I’m sort of getting a big fight feel from this one. Maybe it’s AJ’s awesome entrance, I don’t know. And no, because this is taped, AJ’s not showing off his new tat. The ref has sent Kaz to the back. Terry clotheslines both Kaz and Styles over the top to the outside. Terry military presses Styles back into the ring. He then chases Kaz away from ringside and to the back. Styles goes springboard, but Terry shoves him back into the ring. AJ charges but gets planted with a clothesline. Double goozle by Terry, and he throws Styles into the corner. Shoulder blocks in the corner by Terry. He lifts Styles up on his shoulder and just throws him back. Styles lifts the boots up in the corner, but Terry catches them and hits Styles with a back elbow. Terry’s choking Styles in the corner. He then chokeslams Styles across the ring. Styles goes for the throat and follows up with the chops. AJ pokes the eyes. Styles distracts the ref and hit’s the low blow. PELE!! Styles goes on the apron. SUPERMAN!!! Pin and that’s it.

Winner : AJ Styles (Terry dominated a good amount of the match, thus making him look like a badass, and Styles cheated to win, thus helping putting him over as a dick of a heel. The match was decent, but effective in putting both guys over)

Styles and Kaz celebrate the win. Styles sees Terry starting to get up and bails out with Kaz.

-Angle talks about the TNA rankings. He said he was #2, but decided he needed a new challenge. He pulled himself out, and decided to go through each of them, 1 by 1. He wanted to prove the fans he can do something no one else has done. He needs to reprogram himself and test himself again. He needs to prove to himself all over again that he’s the best in the world. He’s not ready to retire. This is his life. He’s not going to let any man get in the way of that. He’s ready for anyone, and he’ll beat everyone.

-Lethal says he can’t believe he beat Ric Flair, even with his own finishing move. He’s about to face the Dirtiest Player in the Game in a Street Fight. He knows it could be a set up. He’s going to leave that little boy home, because in this Street Fight, he’s definitely bringing the man.

-Just out of curiosity, what’s the event so big it only takes place once a century? It isn’t Bound for Glory, so is it 10.10.10. If so, I didn’t know that that was an actual event.

-We get a video recap of the RVD/Abyss rivalry, hyping up their match for next week.

-We see Velvet and Madison brawling in the back. Velvet says Madison’s a bitch and she cost her the title. Lacey got taken out in the fray. Velvet checks up on Lacey.

Match 3: Beer Money vs Motor City Machine Guns© – Ultimate X match – Match 4 in Best of 5 Series – TNA World Tag Team Championship

I’ve been so amped for this. Roode grabs a mic. He says it’s been no secret that they don’t like each other. But the MCMG’s and Beer Money have redefined tag team wrestling. They’ve taken tag team wrestling to a whole new level. There’s no doubt that they’re a great team, but James and he have had one goal, and that’s to not only be the best in TNA, but the best in the world. And they only way to be the best is to have the TNA World Tag Team titles. So tonight, in Ultimate X, not only are Beer Money going to defeat them in their own game, but they’ll become 4 time TNA Tag Team Champions. Sabin says first off, do they see the belts around their waist? They are the TNA Tag Team Champions, the best in the world, and these belts prove it. “Best in the World” chant. They chose this match for a reason. This is their world, this is what they do, and the only way they’re going to get the tag belts is if they pry them from their cold dead fingers. Roode says how about they stop talking and do it. This match will start next.

We’re back, and Sabin and Shelley climb up to the top, but Beer Money pull them down. The Guns avoids Beer Money and hit them with clotheslines in the corner. They dump Beer Money to the outside. Double springboard crossbody blocks by the Guns. Sabin starts to climb, and Shelley’s on guard. Shelley goes after Roode, but Storm pulls Sabin down and levels him with an uppercut. Sabin ducks a clotheslines and jumps off the back of Shelley and dropkicks Roode off the apron. Bulldog by Sabin to Storm. I can’t even call this, it’s too fast. Beer Money pulls Sabin off the top and throw him into the corner. Shelley’s up top, but gets pulled down into an inverted atomic drop. Roode catapults Shelley into a DDT by Storm. Beer Money argue now as to who’s gonna climb. Roode goes up, but takes his damn time. The Guns take out Storm. They then crotch Roode onto the top. Reverse STO/enzuigiri combo by the Guns, sending Storm into the turnbuckle. Hesitation dropkick to Roode. Shelley goes up, and puts his foot in the groin of Roode. Roode throws Sabin into a boot by Storm, and then levels him with a back suplex. Storm and Roode pull down Shelley. DWI coming up, but Shelley fights them off. Knee’s by Shelley to Roode. Sliced Bread countered, and Storm levels Shelley with the backcracker. Double suplex by Beer Money. Wait for it. Here it comes. BEER!!! MOHNAY!!! Roode’s bleeding. Sabin goes up, but Roode stops him. Uppercut by Storm to Shelley. Storm clotheslines Shelley in the corner, and Roode follows up with one of his own. Roode starts to climb. Storm puts Shelley on the top. Sabin fights him off, and takes him down with a super reverse atomic drop. Roode’s climbing across. Shelley pulls him down. Spin kick to the gut. Huge jumping spike DDT by Shelley. Shelley goes to the top. Storm charges, but Shelley jumps over and hits Roode with a double foot stomp. Shelley goes to the top and Storm follows, but Shelley rakes the eyes. Shelley starts to climb. Storm pulls him down. 8 Second Ride follows. Sabin goes to the top and starts to climb. Storm goes up to the top too, and Sabin hits him with some kicks. SUPER HURRICANRANA BY SABIN!!!! Spinebuster by Roode kills Sabin. Roode starts to climb. He uses the shoulders of Storm to climb across. The Guns take out Storm with stereo kicks. They then drop Roode onto Storm. “This is awesome” chant. Storm and Shelley on the apron. Shelley kicks Storm in the gut. STANDING SLICED BREAD #2 ON THE APRON!!!! Best free TV match ever. Roode’s climbing to the top. He’s standing on the rope and using the steel structure above to hold himself. Sabin’s climbing across the ropes. Sabin’s in the middle. Sabin kicks the leg of Roode and he gets crotched on the top. He then crashes to the mat! Sabin unhooks the X!!!!

Winner : Motor City Machine Guns (I’m running out of awesome stuff to say about this rivalry. This was on par with the Ladder match, maybe even better. It really doesn‘t get much more awesome than this)

-Bischoff, Hogan and Ms. Tessmacher are all headed to the ring. Tenay says they’ll be giving details about next weeks Impact.

-Jackass 3D will rule.

-We’re back, and here comes The Hulkster, along with Bischoff and Tessmacher. Hogan and Bischoff are always welcome in the Impact Zone, as long as they bring Ms. Tessmacher. Bischoff says it never gets old and he loves it every time. Next week, we’ve got the Whole F’N Show on Impact, PPV quality TV for free. Abyss may have forced Bischoff to make the match, but Hogan has a surprise, and that Bischoff is going to be the Special Referee. The World Tag Team Titles are on the line, as the Guns face Beer Money for the belts. Kurt Angle will face AJ Styles. Angelina Love will face Madison Rayne for the Knockout’s Title. Jeff Hardy has the open invitation to anyone in the world. Mr. Anderson will face Matt Morgan and D’Angelo Dinero in a Three Way. And here comes Kevin Nash.

Nash says he finally gets face to face with them. He wants to know what’s going on. Hogan says he needs to open his eyes. We’ve all stepped back, Hogan and Jarrett have stepped back. It’s time for the guys like Lethal, Styles, MCMG, Beer Money, who are all going to take us to the next level. There’s no more conning for pay checks. The politics Nash used to play by, those games are over. Nash says Hogan’s talking to him about politics. Bischoff says that’s been Nash’s entire career, politics. Nash throws Bischoff into the turnbuckle. Right hands by Hogan to Nash. Low blow by Nash. Knees in the corner by Nash follow, and now elbows. Nash goes to the outside and grabs a chair. He places it on the ground. He’s setting up for the Jackknife. Nash shoves Bischoff away and picks the chair up. He goes to hit Hogan, but Jarrett runs out now. Right hands by Double J. Here comes Sting (w/ red face paint). Sting knocks the chair out of Jarrett’s hands with the bat, and then takes out Jeff. Nash hits Jarrett with the bat. Sting nails Hogan with the chair.

-Christy catches up to Sting and Nash in the back. She tries to talk to them about what just happened, but they walk off.

Match 4: Orlando Jordan vs D‘Angelo Dinero (#9)

Jordan starts deep throating his finger, and Dinero has no idea as for what to do. He tries to put it in Pope’s face, but Dinero shoves him down. Tie up, and Jordan takes Dinero down. Dinero switches into control. Jordan gets back up and pushes Dinero back into the corner. He starts rubbing himself against Dinero, and Pope shoves him off. Right and left hands by Pope. The ref backs Dinero off, and Jordan gets in a big right hand. Stomps by Jordan. Mounted left and right hands follow. Eric Young runs out and starts swimming in the Dinero, and he starts putting the money in his pants and mouth. Jordan gets distracted, and Pope hit’s a big clotheslines. Reverse atomic drop, and a backdrop follows. Pope hypes up the DDE. And it connects, and Pope drops down with the Edgeomatic. Pin and it’s over.

Winner : D‘Angelo Dinero (Did a solid job of putting Jordan over, as he got in a nice bit of offense and did a good job of putting over his character. The match was too short to be rated any higher though)

Matt Morgan boots Dinero from behind, and drill him with a clothesline. Morgan stands tall over Dinero, and here comes Anderson, and he’s got a chair. Morgan bails out. Pope gets up and starts arguing with Anderson. Anderson throws the chair out of the ring. Security runs in and gets in Anderson’s face. Dinero walks off. Security is yelling at Anderson to leave.

-Christy Hemme is in the back with Ric Flair. If Fortune interferes, Flair will be suspended for 90 days. Flair says he’s the greatest wrestler that there ever is. Tonight, Street Fight, no rules. Tonight, Lethal has to look eye to eye with the Nature Boy. He’s a wresling god, god, god. Jay Lethal, tonight, you die. WOO! WOO! WOO! WOOO!!!

Match 5: Jay Lethal (#5) vs Ric Flair – Street Fight

We get a recap of Lethal making Flair tap out. I love how Flair’s gonna wrestle in a suit. Flair backs Lethal off, and pokes him in the eyes. Chop by Flair. He rips Lethal’s shirt off and hits some more chops. Low blow by Flair, and he throws Lethal down to the mat. Flair starts working down the leg. He goes to the outside and throws a trash can and kendo stick into the ring. Lethal rolls under the ring on the opposite side. Flair gets back in but has no idea as to where Jay is. Lethal shows up on the other side. Springboard dropkick by Lethal. Lethal takes the jacket off, and then rips the shirt off. Chops by Lethal follow. Backdrop by Lethal, and he picks up the kendo stick. Lethal nails Flair on the head. And the Nature Boy is bleeding. Chops by Lethal. Lethal mounts Flair in the corner and starts hitting the rights. Flair falls to the mat. Doug Williams is at ringside. Lethal nails Flair with the cooking sheet, and Flair falls the mat again. Lethal rips Flair’s pants off. Lethal’s got the belt. He wails on Flair with it. Lethal now has the pants all the way off, and Flair has some ridiculous underwear on. Lethal takes the shoe and sock off too. Flair goes to hit Lethal with a trash can, but Lethal catches it and nails him. Flair falls to the mat again. Poke to the eye by Flair. Ric goes to the top but Lethal hits him with the cooking sheet. SUPERPLEX!!! Lethal covers, but Doug Williams pulls Lethal to the outside. Lethal with a right hand to Doug. Lethal goes to the top. Diving sunset flip, and Flair’s ass is exposed. Flair hits Lethal in the face. The ref is trying to help put Flair’s underwear back up. Williams nails Lethal with the X-Division Championship. Flair covers for the win.

Winner : Ric Flair (Wow, uh, this was all kinds of awesome. I love it when Flair makes a complete joke of himself, and he did that here. Whether it was being whipped with his belt, being stripped to his underwear or having his ass exposed, Flair will do whatever it takes to entertain. And that’s what he did here. While this Williams vs Lethal rivalry makes no sense (not the actual thought of the rivalry, just the start), I’m still interested. But I don’t think Lethal should have lost here. Putting that aside though, this was a pretty entertaining match)

-Raven and Abyss are in the back. Abyss has Janice while Raven has a kendo stick. They make their way to the ring as their match is up next.

-Christy is in the back with RVD. Tonight it’s him and Dreamer vs Abyss and Raven, plus we don’t know who his opponent is going to be at Hard Justice, and he’s putting his title on the line next week against Abyss. Rob says he’s going to smoke a joint. No, not really. He says he’s looking forward to him and Abyss coming to a head. Tonight is what he’s focused on right now. He hasn’t crossed paths with Raven or Dreamer in a long time. After he celebrates his victory tonight, then he’ll focus on Hardcore Justice. Jerry Lynn shows up and says he’s looking forward to Hardcore Justice when he faces RVD. RVD looks dumbfounded.

Match 6: Raven and Abyss (#1) vs Tommy Dreamer and TNA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Van Dam

Things start on the ramp with a big brawl. Abyss throws Dreamer into the ring. Knee lift by Dreamer as Abyss comes in. Rob flies in over the top and takes out Abyss. Dreamer suplexes Rob onto Abyss. Raven’s in and chop blocks Dreamer. Abyss works down Dreamer in the corner. Abyss hit’s the splash in the corner. Raven now gets the tag. He blows his nose in a towel and rubs it in Dreamer’s face. Raven now clawing at the nose. He then throws Dreamer to the outside. Abyss works down Dreamer and throws him back in the ring. Abyss gets the tag now. Dreamer with the right hands, but Abyss hit’s a knee to the gut. Scoop slam by Abyss. Pin but only two. Dreamer avoids a splash in the corner. Raven gets the tag, but so does RVD. Rob flies in with a forearm. Clotheslines follow. Superkick connects. Rob dropkicks the knee of Abyss. RVD kicks Raven in the face. Rolling Thunder connects. Abyss breaks up the pin attempt. Abyss goozles both Dreamer and RVD, but they counter out and clothesline Abyss over the top. Dreamer DDT to Raven. Rob goes to the top. Five Star connects. Pin and it’s over.

Winner : Rob Van Dam and Tommy Dreamer (Really short, but I really can’t complain. Everyone looked good and they did an alright job of putting over Hardcore Justice)

Abyss takes out RVD and Dreamer from behind. He starts wailing on Rob. Chokeslam to Rob. He goes to chokeslam Dreamer, but Stevie Richards runs out. Superkick countered by Abyss with a clotheslines. Rhino flies into the ring and takes it to Abyss. He sets up the Gore. Boot by Abyss stops him in his tracks. 3D comes running out. Double shoulder block. Raven hits Ray with the chair, and then takes out Devon with it. The lights have gone out. Sandman’s in the ring. He’s taking it to Abyss and Raven with the kendo stick. Sandman poses to the crowd as the EV2.0 guys stand tall. Foley is on the ramp and calls for the other guys to come out. The legacy lives, this Sunday at Hardcore Justice.

-A bunch of the ECW guys give their thoughts on Hardcore Justice. Here’s the video, cuz I don’t feel like recapping it.

-They then run down the card for next week. Oh, and the Guns vs Beer Money is 2 Out Of 3 Falls for the belts.