wrestling / TV Reports
411’s TNA Impact Report 10.18.07
TNA Impact Begins…NOW!
-We see highlights of Bound for Glory!
-Kurt and Karen are backstage and Kurt blames Nash for him losing the title. Karen and JB disagree and Nash says he would beat Nash down. Angle demands that he wrestle Sting for the title. Karen says he is delusional. She also says he can’t beat Sting. This upsets Angle, who declares that it is shake and break time. Karen is looking absolutely MILF-TASTIC this evening.
-Tenay and West welcome us to the show and run down what we’ll see tonight.
-We get more Bound for Glory highlights. Tenay and West seemed more subdued this evening than normal.
-Kurt Angle makes his way to the ring along with Karen, who uses the ring post like a strippers pole. Angle calls out Sting, saying Sting has what is rightfully Angle’s. If it wasn’t for that has been Kevin Nash Angle would be the champ still. He makes fun of the NWO and says if Nash was here he would beat his ass. Kenny Rogers now makes his way to the ring to sing the Gambler.
You got to know when to hold em, know when to fold em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run.
You never count your money when youre sittin at the table.
Therell be time enough for countin when the dealins done.
He tells Angle to say what he said to his face. Angle says that Nash cost him the title. Nash disagrees and says Sting was beating Angle’s ass, and Nash tried to help because he felt sorry for Angle. Nash then says he is giving Angle one chance to apologize to him man to man for the things he said. Angle says he isn’t sorry and says Nash has been riding his coattails. He then says he is a disgrace to the business. Nash then says Angle does have a fight, but it is with him. Angle attacks but Nash knees him and drops the jackknife powerbomb on him.
-Back from commercial with a Genesis commercial.
-Tenay and West show us a replay of Kenny Rogers powerbombing Kurt Angle.
-We now get an update on Angle. He says his ass hurts and Karen says he cannot face Sting and has to make it all up to Nash. JB tells Angle that Nash likes porn and he sends Karen out to buy some for him and them as well. Karen says this won’t work. Angle then says he should tell Nash it was a joke, but they know that won’t work either. Angle reminds her about buying porn.
These guys completely rule. They circle to begin, they try some MOVEZ but continually counter each other. The crowd loves this, and now Ray is out to fuck this all up. He says the match sucks and says that they are nobodies. Devon attacks from behind and yeah, they fucked it all up.
3D beats them down and continually talk shit to them. Ray then whips then with the belt he used on the Steiner’s. 3D blames them for losing at Bound for Glory, and Devon goes to get a table. They promise to destroy the X-Division because it sucks. They say they are the greatest tag team in the world. They will destroy the X-Division because they can. They set up two tables and get stereo powerbombs through the tables.
Winner: No Contest @ 1:00
Fuck this shit. What a great way to mess up the tournament, which already had issues, bury the Machine Guns again as well as the X-Division. I would ask if a monkey is booking this shit, but I realize that JJ, Russo and Dutch already are.
Rating: N/A
-Cornette says the “Burrito Brothers” messed it all up. Cage is here with a ladder and says since there is a spot open, Cage wants the spot. Cage says he will do it in a ladder match. Joe is here now and he wants the spot. Joe says that he beat Cage so he should get the spot. Matt Morgan breaks stuff up as we head to a commercial. Interesting note, there was a sign in Cornette’s office that said, “Fan’s Revenge.” I assume that is there to make us think that they may redo that match, maybe with 3D and the Steiner’s.
-Back from commercial and Mike Tenay is with Glen Gilbertti. Seriously. They talk about his past and we see clips of GLEN in Early TNA. He says he is not off the map. He is a wrestler ad he thinks he is one of the best. Glen is making a comeback, and Tenay calls his comeback a parody. He is serious, not a joke. He’s in great shape and is ready to be back on TV. Tenay asks why TNA? He says TNA needs him. Scott Steiner walks in and tells him to give it up. Tremendous!
Talia is a hot piece of ass. Let’s hope Talia has the wardrobe malfunction tonight and not Kong. ARGH THEY SHOWED IT~! Talia is frightened for her life and rightfully so. Talia gets a go behind and Kong tosses her off. Forearms by Kong and Kong drops her. Boots by Talia, cross body caught and Kong tosses her down. Chops by Kong now, Irish whip and Kong with a corner splash. SPINNING BACKFIST by Kong. KONG BOMB finishes it.
Winner: Awesome Kong @ 2:05 via pin
Kong kills bitches…dead.
Rating: *
-In the back with JB and Nash. Nash says he can be a nice guy, but Kurt picked his poison. He knows he has been comic relief and he didn’t mind that. He says there is some Diesel left in the tank. Karen wants to talk and Nash says he doesn’t have any singles on him. Nash blows her off and Karen says it is all a mess.
-Back from commercial and Crystal interviews Harris and Rhino. They argue and Harris tells Rhino to stay sober tonight. They can’t even wait until after the match?
Storm runs from Rhino and tags in Roode. Lock up and a headlock by Rhino. Off the ropes and a shoulder block by Rhino. Roode slammed to a corner, Irish whip and a back elbow by Rhino. Corner spear by Rhino, tag to Harris and he lays the boots to Roode. Roode pulls the hair and tags in Storm. Roode has a groupie in the crowd with a sign and chanting for him. That would be the lovely RAIN from SHIMMER! Roode tags back in and delivers rights to Harris. Harris battles back and gets a stalling suplex for 2. Tag to Rhino, to a corner and an Irish whip, reversal and Rhino hits hard. Tag to Storm and rights on Rhino now. Rhino fights back, off the ropes and a belly to belly by Rhino. Sets for a gore, nails Roode with a right but Storm nails Rhino and Roode sneaks in with no tag. Storm tags back in and Roode gets a corner clothesline. Flipping neck breaker and a knee drop by Storm gets 2. Chinlock by Storm, Rhino fights back and gets a flapjack on Storm. Tag to Roode and to Harris. Lefts for all by Harris, backdrop on Roode. Off the ropes and a spinebuster on Storm. Lariat to Roode and a cover for 2. Harris tosses Storm, and Harris tries a catatonic, Storm distracts the ref, Rhino in and an enziguri to Harris and Roode gets the payoff for the win.
Brooks is not happy with the groupie. Rhino checks on Harris and Harris shoves him away.
Winners: Robert Roode and James Storm @ 5:50 via pin
This was a fun little tag match, but felt very rushed. Obviously Rhino and Harris will feud, why we don’t know. I also liked them planting the seed with Roode’s groupie, which I suggested a while back he brings in a lady to replace Brooks and so they can feud in mixed tags. Rain is a fine choice..
Rating: *¾
-In the back with JB and Kaz. Kaz says this is the break he has been looking for. He had to put up with the douche bag Raven for over a year, but now he has earned the chance and the “K. A. Z.” has earned the right to fight.
-Back from commercial for the…
PARADE OF CHAMPIONS~!
Cornette and Tenay are in the ring with the titles and they say Bound for Glory was memorable as they crowned three new champions. But as they talk Black Machismo makes his way out to the ring. The crowd chants for him and Cornette asks why he is there. Hell, Cornette says they will congratulate him now. OHHHHHHHHHHHH YEAAAAAAAAAAH. He poses and leaves.
Tenay says the first champion is the first ever TNA Women’s Champion, Gail Kim! Cornette awards her the title and says she deserves this. He also says she is an inspiration to women wrestlers, and TNA Management is behind her 100%. Gail looks truly moved. Gail says that she is very proud to hold the title and thanks the fans.
Next up are the new TNA Tag Team Champions, AJ Styles and Tomko! Christian is out with them, pulling up the rear. Cornette says no matter what people think of them, they have become a first rank tag team. They achieved immortality and won the tag team titles. He awards the titles to them. Tomko says that he doubted AJ, but he stands corrected. He also lets AJ talk. AJ has a list and thanks Ivan Drago from Rocky 4, Pokemon, Kip James at age 50 for inspiring him, Nintendo DS… Cage stops him and says they should be thanking him for this. Cornette says he shouldn’t be here since he is not a champion. Cage says he is the real champ, and he is dressed to compete. He wants the final spot in the fight for the right tournament. Cornette says he and Joe want it, so it seems that the only fair thing is to give them the right to fight for the right to fight for the right to fight, or some shit, so it is Cage vs. Joe tonight! Cornette says they have had classics, and the winner gets the chance to fill the empty spot. Cornette says to get ready because the match is tonight.
Tenay now says Sting not only gained personal revenge, but became the TNA World Champion. Tenay announces Sting and he makes his way to the ring. Cornette says they have been friends for 21-years and he has seen all of his great matches, but that was a brutal fight he has ever had at Bound for Glory. “You still got it” chants now. Cornette says he won the title and says Sting can be proud of this title. Sting says Angle took him place she has never been, but I STILL GOT IT! Tenay asks about Angle’s challenge. Sting says he will ask the fans, and they say yes.
Angle makes his way to the ring now. He rises from his elevator in a wheel chair, reprising his PROFESSOR X PERSONA~! He gets wheeled out and says he was attacked by Nash tonight. Therefore the TNA doctors gave him a note and he is not allowed to compete tonight due to trauma of the spinal cord. But he will take Sting up on the match next week. Sting asks if his mommy signed the note. Sting says to bring the chair next week, because if he is not crippled this week, he will be next week.
-JB is with Kurt and Karen. Kurt is afraid of Sting and says Sting should turn the other cheek. Karen says he attacked his son, remember? Kurt says he needs Kevin, and they go to find him.
Nice to see Hemme selling the PPV injury angle. We are 75-minutes in and have had 9-minutes of wrestling. Hoyt attacks and tosses Kaz around to begin. Spinning flapjack by Hoyt. Boot to the head by Hoyt and a cover for 2. Rights by Hoyt, Rave says that Hemme is crazy. Ok. Hoyt chokes out Kaz now, backs off and poses. Rights by Hoyt in the corner, off the ropes and a clothesline to Kaz gets 2. Hemme now plays Melina and screams for no reason. Black Out try by Hoyt, Kaz escapes and gets a sloppy slide through. Back in and kicks to Hoyt. Atomic drop, off the ropes and a yakuza to Hoyt for 2. Kaz to the apron, rights to Hoyt and springs in, spinning neck breaker by Kaz gets 2 as Rave pulls Kaz off. Kaz nails Rave, and Hoyt tosses Kaz. Hemme in the ring to yell at Hoyt, um DQ anyone? Kaz now looks to kiss her, drops her and gets a kick on Hoyt for the win.
Winner: Kaz @ 4:10 via pin
Well that was pretty bad.
Rating: ½*
-Crystal is with Crazy Legs, a major league eating guy. Wow this sucks. Is Roller Jam next? Fatu is here and talks about eating. He says people are crazy in TNA and then says he is the new breed in TNA. He will face Robert Roode. He asks if she smells something. He calls Roode a jabroni and then Rick Rude. He also mentioned his ass smelling. This sucked too.
-Back from commercial and JB is with Karen, who is pushing Kurt in the wheel chair. They argue and Karen then asks Black Reign if he knows where Nash is. He says he has. He shows her the rat and licks it. They leave Kurt there by himself.
I thought Disco was in jail. I will say he is a nice guy though. The match is sponsored by the “Comebacks” spoof flick. Disco is looking “well” these days. That’s why he chose TNA. Disco attacks at the bell, and eats a spinebuster. Shock Treatment is basically messed up. Black hole slam and that is all. The referee was Glamour Boy Shane from Puerto Rico.
Black Reign is in the ring and attacks Abyss. Abyss fights back and goes for a chokeslam, connects. Mitchell is out now and Abyss goes for a shock treatment but Reign nails him with his weird hand weapon. In TNA tradition they handcuff him for a beat down and as usual Abyss is bleeding. Black Reign grabs he rat as people laugh in the crowd and shit all over this. Ina scene out of Missing in Action they put the rat in a bag and put the bag on Abyss’ head. It’s a white bag and we see the blood, so in that aspect it looked cool.
Winner: Abyss @ 0:55 via pin
Squash.
Rating: N/A
-Back from commercial and Tenay and West hype Joe vs. Cage.
-TO THE BACK and Angle found Nash. Kurt yells at Karen for pushing slowly. Angle gets up and falls, and says he is sorry as Nash drives away. He proclaims the he will buy him porn.
Cage attacks at the bell but Joe fires back. Running knee by Joe and then chops to Cage. Cage bails to the floor, Joe follows and they play chase. Back in and an atomic drop by Joe, misses the kick but then gets one from the ground. Running knee of doom, face wash and gets the running kick of death. Another atomic drop, running kick and the senton try eats knees. Kicks by Cage, rights now and then chops by Cage. Joe fires back, but Cage gets a boot, unprettier try, counter and an inverted DDT by Cage gets 2. To the corner they go, Irish whip and Joe reverses, elbows and an Enziguri lands. Cage rolls to the floor, Joe charges and Cage avoids the elbow suicida. Cage for a dive and Joe kills him with a kick to the head. Joe on the apron grabs Cage, Cage fights and to the apron and gets the inverted DDT in the apron. Cage slams Joe to the railing, rolls him back in and lays the boots to him. Eye rake by Cage, jabs by Joe but Cage is able to toss him to the floor. Cage dives off the 2nd rope to the floor for a clothesline, and we head to commercial @ 5:30.
Back from commercial @ 9:45 and Cage nails a neck breaker and then chokes out Joe. Neck vice by Cage, Joe fights out and gets a sleeper on Cage, but Cage gets a jawbreaker to stop that. Cage steps on his face, then pick sup Joe and delivers forearms to Joe. To the 2nd rope goes Cage and a spinning forearm smash gets 2. Slaps by Cage in the corner, mounted punches now and Joe manages to powerbomb him down! Both men are down now, they fight to their feet and Cage to the 2nd rope…and Joe catches him in a CUTTER! Both men fight to their feet again, jabs by Joe and a spinning forearm smash. Joe them KILLS Cage with a clothesline for 2. Slam countered by Cage, unprettier countered and a snap mare, chops and kicks. Knee drop by Joe connects and a cover for 2. Cage battles back, off the ropes and a sunset flip by Joe, FUNK ROLL BY JOE~! Covers for 2. Slaps by Joe, to the corner and sets Cage up top. Muscle Buster try stopped, kicks by Cage and Joe up to with him. They brawl and Cage bites Joe and tosses him off. FROG SPLASH CONNECTS~! 1…2…NO! Slaps by Cage, Joe is up and pissed. The ref is BUMPED and MUSCLE BUSTA BY JOE! No ref, visual pin. AJ is out and tossed to the floor. Joe fights off Tomko, LOW BLOW to Tomko! Joe tosses him. Cage has a chair and Morgan is out to take Tomko out. STJOE on AJ. Joe kicks the chair into Cage’s face and gets the CLUTCH! Cage does the visual tap, and Roode is now out and NAILS Joe with the chair. Cage rolls on top of Joe, 1…2…3.
Winner: Christian Cage @ 17:10 via pin
A great main event until the usual TNA bullshit.
Rating: ***
-Closing wrap up video runs.
TNA BOUND FOR GLORY PODCAST~!
We are back for another podcast adventure! This time it was the TNA Bound for Glory show, their biggest show of the year. We’ll discuss the new tag team champions, the first ever Women’s Champion, the new TNA World Champion and some damn fine matches, including Joe vs. Cage. We’ll also touch on the usually stupidity with run ins and why TNA gives Kevin Nash so many chances. Also the fact that we saw more of Kong than anyone ever anticipated! From their we’ll move onto DEAR CHIRSTI as well as stories of myself scoring the phone numbers of bridesmaids at a wedding this weekend! An hour of fun just for you!
If that doesn’t work, copy and paste the following link into your browser and you’ll be fine: http://www.sendspace.com/file/cfg3eo
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