411’s WWE Extreme Rules Report 04.29.12

Welcome to 411’s WWE WrestleMania XXVIII Report. For even more coverage, don’t forget to follow me on Twitter at @ScottSlimmer.

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Pre-Show United States Championship Match
Santino Marella (Champion) vs. The Miz

Miz is out first, bitching and moaning about being on the pre-show. He claims to be the man that gave John Laurinaitis the power he has today, but now he’s supposed to be happy on the pre-show? He main evented WrestleMania 27! But this year? He’s not in a Falls Count Anywhere Match like Randy Orton and Kane. He’s not in a Chicago Street Fight like Chris Jericho and Chicago’s own CM Punk. But he doesn’t care. Put him wherever you want. Pre-show, main event, post-show, anywhere. He will be the most talked about WWE Superstar in history, and this will be the most talked about pre-show in history. The crowd starts a “You suck! You suck! You suck!” chant, but he reminds them that he can’t suck, because he isn’t from Chicago. That brings Santino to the ring, and it looks like it’s time for the match.

Santino and Miz circle each other to start. Miz charges Santino, but Santino low-bridges the ropes to send Miz tumbling to the outside. Miz rolls back into the ring and rushes toward Santino, but Miz has to scurry from the ring once again in order to avoid at quick Cobra attempt. Miz heads back into the ring and catches Santino with a running high knee for a two count. Miz locks in a sleeper hold, but Santino flips Miz forward to break the hold. Miz gets back to his feet and hits a short DDT for another two count. Miz hits the running clothesline in the corner, heads up top, and connects with a double ax handle from the top for yet another two count. Santino and Miz both get back to their feet, but Miz beats Santino back down to the mat. Santino again gets back to his feet, but Miz levels him with a running clothesline. Miz slides out of the ring, pulls Santino to the ring apron, and hits a high knee from the outside to Santino on the apron. Miz again heads up top and goes for another double ax handle, but Santino gets the boots up to counter. Santino catches Miz with a hip toss and follows up with a head butt. Santino sets up for the Cobra, but Miz kicks the Cobra to counter. Miz again goes for the running clothesline in the corner, but Santino just manages to slide out of the way. Santino waits for Miz to rebound out of the corner and hits the Cobra for the three count.

Match Result: Santino Marella defeats the Miz with the Cobra.
Match Length: 4:38

Falls Count Anywhere Match
Randy Orton vs. Kane

Orton immediately takes the fight to Kane and beats him into the corner. Orton heads up top and pounds on Kane from behind, but Kane turns and connects with a quick uppercut that sends Orton tumbling to the outside. Orton slowly rolls back into the ring, but Kane heads to the outside and grabs a lead pipe from under the ring. Kane climbs into the ring with the pipe, but Orton steals it and beats Kane out of the ring. Orton chases Kane into the crowd, and they beat each other all around the arena. Kane knocks Orton to the ground and connects with a low drop kick for a two count (because remember… falls count anywhere!). Orton heads up the stairs, higher and higher into the arena, but Kane is never more than a step behind. Good, non-stop action, and the crowd is loving it. Orton takes control and beats Kane toward the stage. Kane tries to toss Orton into the wall of the stage, but Orton sneaks out the back and connects with a beautiful standing drop kick for a two count. Kane forces Orton through the Guerilla position and into the backstage area. Kane rams Orton into a stack of steel chairs and drives his head into a door. Orton regains control with a volley of punches and chases him into the area where “a lot of the WWE Superstars” (i.e., the jobbers) are watching the show. Kane takes control, but Sack Ryder attacks Kane from behind (continuity!). Ryder’s attack give Orton the chance to hit a backbreaker and a two count. Kane connects with a series of head butts and chases Orton back into the backstage area. Kane hurls an entire storage crate at Orton for another two count. Orton and Kane brawl back into the arena, down the ramp, and into the ring. They stand toe-to-toe in the middle of the ring, but Orton catches Kane with a power slam. Orton heads outside to retrieve a steel chair and then uses it to beat Kane down to the mat in the middle of the ring. Orton unleashes a vicious volley of chair shots that leaves Kane almost motionless on the mat. Kane eventually rolls to the outside to buy some time, but Orton follows and whips him into the barrier. Orton sets up the announce table, positions Kane on it, and hits a table-assisted DDT onto the arena floor for a LONG two count. Orton sets up for the RKO, but Kane counters and shoves Orton face-first into the ring post for a LONG two count of his own. Kane rolls Orton back into the ring and heads up top, but Orton knocks Kane’s feet out from under him. Orton heads up top and connects with a superplex for yet another two count. Orton again sets up for the RKO, but Kane counters into a choke slam for a VERY LONG two count. I honestly thought Kane had Orton that time. Kane sets the steel chair in the middle of the ring and sets up for a Tombstone Piledriver on the chair, but Orton sneaks out the back and counters into an RKO right onto the chair for the three count.

Match Result: Randy Orton defeats Kane with an RKO onto a steel chair.
Match Length: 16:39

John Laurinaitis is in the back with his executive administrator, Eve Torres. Eve has prepared a little celebration in honor of this being Mr. Laurinaitis’ first PPV as General Manager of both Raw and Smackdown. Teddy Long rolls in chilled Champaign while wearing a comically large “Hello, my name is Teddy” name tag.

Impromptu Match
Brodus Clay w/ Hornswoggle, Naomi, and Cameron vs. Dolph Ziggler w/ Vickie Guerrero and Jack Swagger

Clay beats Ziggler into the corner, but Swagger distracts Clay from the outside. Brodus turns his attention to Swagger, and that gives Ziggler the chance to connect with a standing drop kick to the back that sends Clay tumbling over the top rope and to the outside. Ziggler distracts the referee while Swagger hits Clay with a flying shoulder block on the outside. Clay slowly climbs back into the ring and hits Ziggler with a head butt to the gut, but Ziggler retaliates by catching Clay in a front chancery. Clay breaks the hold, but Ziggler lands a drop kick for a two count. Ziggler locks in a sleeper hold, but Clay fights to his feet and tosses Ziggler over to break the hold. The crowd is definitely pro-Ziggler, anti-Funkasaurus in this match. Ziggler goes for a suplex, but Clay counters and tosses Ziggler across the ring. Swagger climbs onto the ring apron, but Clay knocks him right off. Ziggler goes for the Zig Zag, but Clay counters with another head butt to the gut. Clay hits the ropes and squashes Ziggler with a big splash for the three count.

Match Result: Brodus Clay defeats Dolph Ziggler with a big splash.
Match Length: 4:02

Tables Match for the Intercontinental Championship Match
The Big Show (Champion) vs. Cody Rhodes

Big Show immediately begins beating on Rhodes and knocks him out of the ring. Show beats on Rhodes at ringside and eventually knocks him into the crowd. Show follows Rhodes into the crowd and tosses him right over the barrier and back into the ringside area. Show rolls Rhodes into the ring and then brings a table into the ring. Show sets up the table in the corner and whips Rhodes toward it, but RHODES GETS A FOOT UP, KICKS OFF THE TABLE, AND CONNECTS WITH THE DISASTER KICK OFF THE TABLE. GORGEROUS MOVE! Show gets back to his feet, tosses Rhodes to the outside, drops him with a single punch, and rolls him back into the ring. Big Show climbs up onto the ring apron, but Rhodes lands a drop kick to Show’s leg as Show begins to climb into the ring. Show pulls his leg backward and steps on a table set up right next to the ring. The table breaks when Show puts his weight on it, so Cody Rhodes wins the match!

Match Result: Cody Rhodes defeats Big Show after Show stepped through a table.
Match Length: 4:33

After the match, Show heads back into the ring and spears Rhodes. Show sets up a table and choke slams the new Intercontinental Champion through it. Show begins to leave the ring, but the crowd wants one more time. Show heads back to the middle of the ring, picks up Rhodes, and tosses him over the top rope and through a table at ringside.

Matt Striker is in the back with Daniel Bryan, and Bryan runs down all the reasons that he will beat Sheamus in their Two out of Three Falls Match for the World Heavyweight Championship. YES! YES! YES! And that match is up next.

Two out of Three Falls Match for the World Heavyweight Championship
Sheamus (Champion) vs. Daniel Bryan

Sheamus gets a quick side head lock, whips Bryan to the ropes, and drops him with a shoulder block. Sheamus gets a side head lock takedown and goes for the Brogue Kick, but Bryan manages to roll out of the way to avoid the fate he suffered at WrestleMania XXVIII. Bryan catches Sheamus with an arm wringer and leverages him down to the mat, but Sheamus reverses the hold and drives an knee into Bryan’s arm on the mat. Sheamus and Bryan circle each other, but Sheamus goes right back to the side head lock. Bryan escapes the hold and goes for a Thesz Press, but Sheamus catches him and counters into a rolling senton for a two count. Sheamus locks in GORGEOUS Texas Cloverleaf (or would that be an Irish Cloverleaf?), but Bryan gets a hand on the ropes to break the hold. Sheamus traps Bryan in the corner and whips him to the opposite corner, but Bryan leaps off the top and flips over Sheamus to avoid contact. Bryan kicks Sheamus to the outside and goes for a knee off the ring apron, but Sheamus catches him in mid-air and drives him back-first into the barricade. Bryan rolls back into the ring and Sheamus heads up top, but Bryan kicks the ropes causing Sheamus to tumble down to the mat. We get dueling “Daniel Bryan! 18 seconds! Daniel Bryan! 18 seconds!” chants from the crowd. Bryan repeatedly kick Sheamus’ knee and then locks in some sort of hammer lock / arm bar combination on the mat. Bryan releases one arm and goes to a more standard hammer locks, but Sheamus fights back to his feet and breaks the hold with elbows to the head. Bryan immediately sends Sheamus back to the mat with a drop kick, but Sheamus fights back with punches to the gut. Bryan gets the O’Connor Roll off the ropes for a two count. Bryan goes back to the hammer lock on the mat, but again Sheamus breaks the hold with elbows to the head. Sheamus lands a shoulder to the gut and drops Bryan with a shoulder block. Sheamus stretches Bryan over the ropes and clubs his chest. Sheamus hits a fall-away slam for a two count. Bryan hits a stiff kick to the back and rolls up Sheamus for another two count. Bryan stomps a mud hole in Sheamus in the corner and take him up top. Bryan goes for a top rope hurricanrana, but Sheamus knocks him away and connects with a top rope battering ram for a two count. Bryan gets back to his feet on the apron and Sheamus tries to suplex him back into the ring, but Bryan floats over and lands on his feet. Sheamus charges Bryan, but Bryan low bridges the top rope to send Sheamus tumbling to the outside. Bryan goes for a suicide dive, but Sheamus lands an elbow shot to the skull as Bryan comes through the ropes. Sheamus heads back into the ring and goes for the Celtic Cross, but Bryan sneaks out the back. Sheamus charges Bryan in the corner, but Bryan evades causing Sheamus to post himself in the corner and tumble to the outside. Bryan heads to the outside and whips Sheamus shoulder-first into the ring post. Bryan rolls Sheamus back into the ring and repeatedly whips his shoulder into the ring post. Bryan slides back into the ring and kicks Sheamus’ shoulder over… and over… and over… and over… and over… until the referee has no choice but to disqualify Bryan and award the first fall to Sheamus. SHEAMUS WINS THE FIRST FALL VIA DISQUALIFICATION. The second fall begins, and Bryan immediately locks in the Yes Lock. Sheamus tries to make it to the ropes, but ultimately he passes out from the pain. DANIEL BRYAN WINS THE SECOND FALL VIA SUBMISSION. Two doctors check on Sheamus to determine if he can continue while Bryan leads the crowd in a thunderous “YES! YES! YES!” chant the evolves into a “YES! NO! YES! NO!” chant. The third fall eventually begins, and Bryan charges Sheamus, but Sheamus catches Bryan with a Brogue Kick for a looooooooooong two count. Sheamus is selling the shoulder injury like a champ (which, I suppose, he is). Bryan gets back to his feet and goes back to work with kicks to the shoulder. Sheamus makes a point of turning his back to the kicks to protect his shoulder. Nice psychology by Sheamus. Bryan lands a kick to the skull and gets a long two count of his own. That one looked vicious. Bryan heads up top, but Sheamus catches him with a shot to the head. Sheamus pounds on Bryan and heads up top, but Bryan knocks him back down to the mat. Bryan goes for the Benoit Flying Head Butt, but Sheamus rolls out of the way to avoid contact. Sheamus connects with a pair of double ax handles to Bryan. Sheamus connects with a Brogue Kick that turns Bryan inside out and gets the three count. SHEAMUS WINS THE THIRD AND FINAL FALL VIA PINFALL.

Match Result: Sheamus defeats Daniel Bryan by a score of 2 – 1.
Match Length: 23:08

Impromptu Handicap Match
Ryback vs. Jobber #1 & Jobber #2

The jobbers start by boasting that no one man can beat two men. We’ll see, boys. The match begins, and the crowd immediately erupts into a “Goldberg! Goldberg! Goldberg!” chant. I love you, Chicago. Jobber #1 kicks Ryback, but Ryback kills him dead. Ryback drags him to the corner and flings Jobber #2 into the ring. Ryback kills Jobber #2 with the running clothesline and flings Jobber #1 back into the ring. Ryback kills Jobber #1with the Muscle Buster, pulls Jobber #2 on top of him, and pins them both.

Match Result: Ryback defeats Jobber #1 and Jobber #2.
Match Length: 1:48

Chicago Street Fight for the WWE Championship
CM Punk (Champion) vs. Chris Jericho

Punk and Jericho are both dressed for a street fight. Nice touch. Punk and Jericho slug it out in the middle of the ring to start. Punk beats Jericho into the corner and stomps a mud hole in him. Jericho rolls to the outside, but Punk knocks him over the barrier and into the timekeeper’s area. Punk hurls two steel chairs into the ring and rolls Jericho in after them. Punk retrieves a kendo stick from under the ring and climbs into the ring. Punk connects with a brutal kendo stick shot to the back, and that’s enough to draw a “ECW! ECW! ECW!” chant from the crowd. Jericho again rolls to the outside and tries to run away, but Punk chases him back into the ring and levels him with a clothesline. Punk goes back to work with the kendo stick before wedging one of the chairs in the corner. Jericho hides behind the referee and sneaks in a thumb to the eye. Punk gets back to his feet on the ring apron, but Jericho connects with a kendo stick shot to the gut. Jericho hits a springboard dropkick to the skull that knocks Punk off the apron. Jericho heads to the outside and beats Punk right in front of his sister. Jericho whips Punk into the barrier, and Punk tumbles into the timekeeper’s area. Jericho rolls Punk back into the ring and then climbs back in himself. Jericho removes a turnbuckle cover and uses one of the cables to choke Punk. Punk regains control and goes for a high running knee in the corner, but Jericho evades and Punk again tumbles to the outside. Jericho removes the padding on the barricade in front of Punk’s sister and slams Punk’s head into the exposed steel. Jericho gets in Punk’s sister’s face, and she slaps the taste out of his mouth. Jericho lunges at Punk’s sister, but Punk knocks him away. Punk has now completely lost it. Punk removes the cover from the announce table, props it up against the table, and scoop slams Jericho through it. Jericho gets back to his feet, grabs a monitor, and drives it into Punk’s back. Jericho grabs a piece of the broken table cover and smashes it over Punk’s back. Jericho rolls Punk back into the ring and gets a two count. Jericho locks in a chin lock with his knee in Jericho’s back, but Punk breaks the hold with a side suplex. Punk gets back to his feet on the apron, and wrenches Jericho’s neck across the top rope. Punk goes for a springboard clothesline, but Jericho catches him with a kendo stick shot in mid-air. Jericho heads out of the ring and retrieves a can of beer from under the ring. He toasts Punk and pours the beer all over him in the middle of the ring. Jericho grabs another beer from under the ring, but this time Punk catches him with a kendo stick shot when he climbs back into the ring. Punk connects with a swinging neckbreaker and hits the running high knee in the corner. Punk follows up with the bulldog out of the corner and once again grabs the kendo stick. Punk crotches Jericho with the kendo stick. Punk goes for the Go To Sleep, but Jericho counters into an attempted Walls of Jericho, but Punk kicks Jericho away. Punk gets a quick roll up for a two count. Punk heads up top, but Jericho knocks the ropes to crotch Punk on the top turnbuckle. Jericho heads up top and beats on Punk, but Punk fights back and knocks Jericho back down to the mat. Punk hits the Mach Man Diving Elbow Drop for a loooooooooong two count. That gets a “Thanks you Savage! Thank you Savage! Thank you Savage!” chant from the crowd. Punk goes for the Go To Sleep, but Jericho sneaks out the back and connects with a running bulldog. Jericho goes for the Lionsault, but Punk catches him in mid-air and goes for the Go To Sleep, but Jericho counters to evade contact. Jericho whips Punk head-first into the chair that is still wedged in the corner for a looooooooong two count of his own. Punk struggles back to his feet, but Jericho catches him with a Code Breaker. Jericho locks in the Walls of Jericho right in the middle of the ring. Punk makes it to the ropes, but ropes don’t cause a break in a Chicago Street Fight. Punk grabs a fire extinguisher from under the ring while still in the Walls of Jericho. Jericho pulls Punk back to the middle of the ring, but Punk sprays the fire extinguisher right in Jericho’s face to break the hold. Punk drives the extinguisher into Jericho’s gut to knock him out of the ring. Punk again drives the extinguisher into Jericho’s gut and rolls him onto the Spanish announce table. PUNK HEADS UP TO THE TOP TURNBUCKLE AND HITS THE MACHO MAN DIVING ELBOW DROP FROM THE TOP TURNBUCKLE TO THE SPANISH ANNOUNCE TABLE! HOLY SHIT! Punk eventually rolls Jericho back into the ring and gets another long two count. Punk locks in the Anaconda Vice, but Jericho grabs the kendo stick and repeatedly connects with Punk’s head to break the hold. Jericho seriously just splintered the kendo stick over Punk’s head. Punk grabs the steel chair, but Jericho catches him with another Code Breaker with Punk’s face being driven right into the chair. Jericho drags Punk to his feet and goes for Punk’s own Go To Sleep, but Punk counters into a catapult into the corner. Punk catches Jericho on the rebound and hits the Go To Sleep for the three count.

Match Result: CM Punk defeats Chris Jericho with the Go To Sleep.
Match Length: 25:10

Beth Phoenix is in the back with Eve, and Eve informs her that she is not medically cleared to compete tonight. Eve informs the Bellas that Nikki will have a surprise challenger, and the Bellas immediately fear the worst. Eve promises them that the challenger isn’t Kharma, and that seems to alleviate their fears.

Divas Championship Match
Nikki Bella (Champion) w/ Brie Bella vs. Layla

The Bellas make their way to the ring and await Nikki’s surprise challenger… who turns out to be Layla! Nikki and Layla slug it out to start. Layla heads up top, but Nikki distracts the referee while Brie pulls Layla off the turnbuckle, causing her to land on her knee. That was the knee that Layla injured a year ago which cost her a year of her career. Nikki again wrenches the knee and then DDT’s Layla’s leg into the mat. Nikki whips Layla to the corner, but Layla springs from rope to rope and into a springboard crossbody for a two count. The turns his back to check on Layla, but that gives the Bellas the chance to go for Twin Magic as Nikki slides out of the ring and Brie takes her place. Layla hits a neckbreaker on Brie and gets the three count.

Match Result: Layla defeats Brie Bella with a neckbreaker.
Match Length: 2:26

Extreme Rules Match
John Cena vs. Brock Lesnar

Lesnar is wearing MMA-inspired gear tonight. Cena rushes Lesnar to start, but Lesnar gets a double-leg takedown and lands in Cena’s guard. Lesnar goes to work with the ground and pound. Lesnar lands punches and elbows to Cena’s head, and Cena is busted wide open. The cut is on the top of Cena’s head, and Cena is gushing. Cena eventually gets back to his feet, but Brock takes him right back to the mat, and this time he gets the full mount. Lesnar goes back to the ground and pound, but the referee pulls Brock off so that a doctor can look at the cut. The referee lets the fight continue, and Brock again takes Cena down and gets the mount. Ladies and gentlemen, this is not a professional wrestling match, and least not in Brock. Lesnar’s mind. This is a legitimate fight, and Lesnar is beating the crap out of John Cena. Lesnar kicks Cena out of the ring, and the doctors again check on Cena on the outside. Cena finally gets back to his feet in the ring and goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Brock floats over and hits two German suplexes. Cena gets back to his feet, hits the ropes, and connects with a flying shoulder block that knocks Lesnar into the referee. The referee tumbles out of the ring as Lesnar drops Cena with a shoulder block of his own. Lesnar traps Cena in the corner and connects with a shot to the kidney. Lesnar repeatedly drives his shoulder Cena’s gut and then locks in a standing arm bar. Cena escapes to the outside, but Lesnar follows him and locks in the standing arm bar on the outside. Lesnar whips Cena shoulder-first into the barrier and then rolls him back into the ring. Lesnar grabs Cena’s chain and wraps it around his fist, but then he realizes that he is the deadliest weapon in the ring and drops the chain. Lesnar drives a knee into Cena’s ribs and then ties Cena’s legs together with the chain. Lesnar waits for Cena to get to his feet and damn near decapitates him with a running clothesline. Lesnar lifts Cena up top with his back facing the ring. Cena falls off the top, but the chain catches his feet on the ring post, so he’s hanging upside down from the top turnbuckle. Lesnar continues to beat on him and eventually pulls Cena down to the arena floor. Cena gets the chain off his feet and goes for Lesnar, but Lesnar whips him into the ring steps. Lesnar heads for the referee and lifts him back into the ring with one hand. Cena crawls into the ring with the chain, but Lesnar steps on Cena’s hand and throws the chain away. Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment again, but Lesnar counters into the F5. Cena’s feet knock the referee out of the ring during the F5, so there’s no one to count the pin. Another referee runs down to make the count, but Cena counts out at two. Lesnar knocks the second referee out of the ring and then tosses the base of the ring steps into the ring. Cena finally gets back to his feet and starts to beat on Lesnar, but Lesnar catches Cena with a kimora on the ring steps. Cena looks like he’s ready to tap, but Cena gets his feet under him and lifts Lesnar up and slams him onto the steps. Cena heads up top and goes for the diving leg drop, but Lesnar rolls out of the way. Cena looks to have caught part of the steps on his way down. Cena rolls out of the ring but eventually climbs back up onto the ring apron. LESNAR CHARGES AT CENA, JUMPS OFF THE RING STEPS, FLIES OVER THE TOP ROPE, AND KNOCKS HIMSELF AND CENA TO THE FLOOR! Brock may have injured his knee when he landed on the outside. Lesnar climbs back into the ring as Cena climbs up onto the ring apron with the chain in his hand. Lesnar again flies at Cena, but Cena catches him with a chain shot to the head. Now Lesnar is busted wide open as well! Cena drags Lesnar to his feet and hits the Attitude Adjustment onto the ring steps for the three count! Cena wins! Cena wins! Cena wins!

Match Result: John Cena defeats Brock Lesnar with the Attitude Adjustment onto the ring steps.
Match Length: 17:46

After the match, Cena grabs a mic and sits on the steps in the middle of the ring. He says that he may get kicked out the door for what he’s about to say, but he’s probably going to get kicked out the door anyway. If he knows his boss, his boss is going to make him go away for a while, but he’s going to do it on the air. This may be CM Punk’s home town, but more than that it’s a wrestling town. If he has to go away for a while, if he has to take a vacation for a while, then there’s no other way that he’d want to go out. Not sure what that was all about, but it definitely felt like a shoot. I have a feeling we’ll be hearing some interesting backstage news and rumors in the next day or so.

WHAT DID YOU THINK ABOUT WWE EXTREME RULES?