411’s WWE Heat Report 02.24.08

Hey guys and gals, I’m Scott, and this is 411’s ALL-NEW, ALL-DIFFERENT WWE Heat Report.

That’s right, baby, Heat is BACK! This is the first new episode of Heat in three weeks, so let’s get right to it. I’ve always prided myself on writing the Best Damn Heat Report on the Net, and part of being the best is continually striving to improve. So recently I was proud to debut a completely new format for the Heat Report. The most dramatic change was a drastic reduction in the length of the play-by-play. I loved writing in-depth, detailed reports of each match, but I completely understand that most readers would rather just get right to the highlights. So from now on I’m going to be presenting a more condensed Overview of each match in order to give you a clear view of the main events while skipping over some of the more minor details. However, in order to compensate for the abbreviated length of the Overview, I’m also going to be adding a Background, Analysis, and Rating for each match. The Background will provide a brief review of the recent events in the careers of each of the wrestlers involved in the match while the Analysis and Rating will allow me to give you my opinion on the quality and future implications of the match. Finally, I’ll still include the Result, Length, and Best Spot in order to continue to provide the most complete coverage possible. Okay, enough with the boring stuff. Let’s get to the wrestling.

Match 1: Hardcore Holly vs. Charlie Haas

Background: Hardcore Holly holds the World Tag Team Championship alongside his partner, Cody Rhodes. His last appearance on Heat was a victory over Trevor Murdoch on the January 4, 2008 episode. Charlie Haas is on a two-match winning streak using his new luchador gimmick. He defeated Super Crazy on the January 25, 2008 episode of Heat and then defeated DH Smith on the February 1, 2008 episode of Heat. Holly will be looking for a decisive victory in this match to prove that he deserves to be wearing gold, but Haas will certainly be trying to score a third consecutive win in order to continue to legitimize his new international plan of attack.

Overview: Holly takes control early with a standing side head lock followed by a running shoulder block, a pair of scoop slams, and a deep arm drag takedown into an arm bar. Holly traps Haas in the corner and lands three of his trademark chops, and that’s enough to convince Haas that it’s time to disappear under the ring. Lucha Haas emerges from under the opposite side of the ring complete with mask and matching singlet. Lucha Haas slides back into the ring and beats Holly down to the mat with a volley of punches and kicks before whipping Holly to the corner and connecting with a shoulder block to the gut. Lucha Haas chokes Holly across the second rope, beats him back down to the mat, scores with a snap-mare takedown, and connects with a STIFF kick to the back for a two count.

Lucha Haas locks in a surfboard, but Holly fights back to his feet and regains control with a pair of kicks to the gut and a Half Nelson Slam. Holly heads to the corner and climbs up to the second rope, but Lucha Haas follows him up and goes for a superplex. Holly counters by ripping off Lucha Haas’ mask, shoves Haas back down to the mat, and connects with a second-rope flying cross-body. Holly scores with a pair of shoulder blocks and lands a standing drop kick for a two count. Holly chops Haas in the corner, whips him to the opposite corner, and charges after him, but Haas connects with a back elbow shot to Holly’s face. Haas heads back to the middle of the ring and PULLS A BLACK SHARK-BOY MASK OUT OF HIS SINGLET. That gets creepier and creepier every time I see it. Anyway, Holly catches Haas from behind, hits the Overhead Cam, and PUTS ON THE BLACK SHARK-BOY MASK. Oh my stars and garters. Luchacore Holly. This show just keeps getting weirder every week. Anyway, Luchacore Holly hits el Golpe de Alabama and gets the three count.

Analysis: Holly seemed less than enthusiastic about curtain jerkin’ Heat with Lucha Haas, but can you really blame him? He’s one half of the World Tag Team Champions, and yet here he is, wasting his time wrestling a directionless under-card talent in the opening match of WWE’s D-Show. So yeah, I sorta understand his frustration. However, I do have to admit that having Holly pick up the win was the right move. Holly’s veteran credibility is one of the keys to building Cody Rhodes’ credibility, so Holly needs to be booked strong in order to help further Rhodes’ career. And sure, you can debate whether or not winning the first match on Heat should really be considered “booked strong,” but a win is a win.

Result: Luchacore Holly defeats Charlie Haas with el Golpe de Alabama.
Length: 5:57
Best Spot: Luchacore Holly’s Golpe de Alabama
Rating: *

Match 2: Mickie James vs. Melina

Background: Mickie James and Melina have feuded numerous times over the course of the past few years. Mickie has recently been on a quest to recapture the WWE Divas Championship by defeating Beth Phoenix, but thus far her efforts have been thwarted at every turn. Mickie will be looking to pick up a win in this match in order to maintain her status as a top contender for Beth Phoenix’s title. Oh, and Melina has the greatest ring entrance in the history of the industry. She should just be declared the winner every time she gets in the ring.

Overview: OH… MY… GOD… Seriously, I shit you not, Mickie actually does get hotter every week. How is that even humanly possible? Oh, and I now know what I want to do when I grow up. I want to be the guy that has to paint those jeans on Mickie before the match. Because I have to believe that painting them on is the only way to get them to fit so… damn… nicely… Yeah, my concentration’s shot. This recap is basically a lost cause, but hey, I’m a respected internet journalist, so I’m gonna plow ahead and do my best. Melina takes control early with an arm wringer, but Mickie cartwheels out and lands a Code Breaker into a monkey flip for a one count. Mickie finds an arm wringer into an arm bar, but Melina flings her down to the mat. Melina heads for the ropes, but Mickie grabs her leg and sends he down to the mat as well. Melina whips Mickie to the corner and charges after her, but Mickie gets both boots up and plants them squarely in Melina’s face. Mickie heads for Melina, but Melina scores with two boots to the gut followed by a running double knee-shot to the gut in the corner. Melina punts Mickie in the ribs, grabs a handful of hair, and flings her down to the mat. Melina traps Mickie in the corner, drapes her across the second rope, and drives both of her knees into Mickie’s gut for a two count.

Melina drags Mickie back to the middle of the ring and locks in a body scissors, but Mickie fights back to her feet and tosses Melina down to her feet. Mickie and Melina slug it out in the middle of the ring, but Mickie takes control with a neck breaker onto the top rope followed by an over-the-top-rope springboard head scissors takedown. Mickie lands a running clothesline and follows up with a back elbow shot for a two count. Melina regains control and goes for a clothesline, but Mickie slides between her legs and lands a Louise Thesz Press. Mickie scores with the Mickie-DT and gets the three count. After the match Mickie blows a kiss to Melina and thus fulfills basically every fantasy I’ve ever had.

Analysis: This was just about all you could ask for from a Divas match on Heat. Both Divas put forth a ton of effort and brought some real intensity, but a number of spots ended up looking more than a bit sloppy. However, I think that’s natural when you’re trying new spots for the first time, and you have to commend Mickie and Melina for actually attempting to be innovative rather than simply going through the motions time and time and time again. But what impressed me the most was that Mickie and Melina both really seemed to want to put on a good show. There were a few other wrestlers on this episode of Heat that seemed to only want to get their matches over with as quickly as possible, so I’ve got nothing but love for two Divas who went out and worked like hell despite the fact that they were on Heat.

Result: Mickie James defeats Melina with the Mickie-DT.
Length: 3:27
Best Spot: Mickie’s Code Breaker into a monkey flip
Rating: *¼

Match 3: Brian Kendrick w/ Paul London vs. Lance Cade w/ Trevor Murdoch

Background: Brian Kendrick has been flying solo as of late while his partner Paul London works his way back from an injury. Similarly, Lance Cade has only recently returned from an injury of his own to rejoin his partner Trevor Murdoch. Both London & Kendrick and Cade & Murdoch are former tag team champions, so both teams are undoubtedly trying to work their way back up the tag team rankings and earn a shot at the World Tag Team Championships. The winner of this match will further increase his team’s momentum, and so this singles match-up has clear implications for the tag team title scene.

Overview: Lance Cade’s shorty robe is unnervingly gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but I’m just sayin’. Why is a redneck brawler wearing a foofy shorty robe? Discuss amongst yourselves. Oh, and you just don’t realize how big Lance Cade is until you see him standing next to Brian Kendrick. Turns out Cade really is a big boy. Anyway, Kendrick goes for a running front kick early, so Cade bails to the outside to catch a breather. Cade finally climbs back into the ring and Kendrick catches him with a volley of kicks to the back of the leg, but Cade eventually traps Kendrick in the corner and damn near decapitates him with a single punch. Cade whips Kendrick HARD to the opposite corner, and Kendrick bounces off of the top turnbuckle like a damn pinball. Cade hits a Sidewalk Slam Back Breaker and follows up with a forearm shot to the lower back and a back suplex for a two count.

Cade locks in an abdominal stretch but breaks the hold on his own with a shot to Kendrick’s ribs. Cade levels Kendrick with a forearm shot to the back and then drives his knee into Kendrick’s back a few times. Cade returns to the abdominal stretch and goes for another back suplex, but Kendrick floats over, lands on his feet, and finds a back slide for a two count. Cade whips Kendrick to the corner and charges after him, but Kendrick gets both boots up and plants them right in Cade’s face. Kendrick connect with a second-rope flying clothesline followed by a leg lariat for a two count. Kendrick sets up for Sliced Bread #2, but Cade counters by shoving Kendrick to the corner. Kendrick rebounds backwards towards Cade but manages to land a jaw breaker followed by an enzuigiri. Kendrick heads up to the top rope and connects with a frog splash for a two count before locking in a modified Camel Clutch. Kendrick scores with a standing drop kick and goes for a springboard cross body, but Cade runs under him and Kendrick crashes down to the mat. Cade looks dazed, but he manages to hit a sit-out side slam for the three count.

Analysis: This was a good match for Lance Cade as he continues to regain momentum following his shoulder injury. Cade & Murdoch probably have a better chance of getting another World Tag Team Championship push than London & Kendrick, so it only makes sense for Kendrick to do the job here. The tag team of Santino Marella & Carlito seems to have totally stalled at this point, so here’s hoping that Cade & Murdoch are pushed into a feud with Holly & Rhodes sooner rather than later. As for London & Kendrick, I’d love to see them moved back to Smackdown to feud with Morrison & Miz and Wang & Moore. You KNOW that London, Kendrick, Wang, and Moore could put on an AMAZING match if given the opportunity.

Result: Lance Cade defeats Brian Kendrick with a sit-out side-slam.
Length: 5:30
Best Spot: Kendrick’s leg lariat
Rating: *¾

Match 4: Cody Rhodes vs. Carlito

Background: Cody Rhodes holds the World Tag Team Championship alongside his partner, Hardcore Holly. Holly & Rhodes have been feuding with Santino Marella & Carlito as of late with Marella & Carlito looking to earn a shot at the World Tag Team Championship. Rhodes will be trying to prove that he can stand on his own two feet without Hardcore Holly’s support by picking up a win in this singles match, but Carlito will be trying to prove his superiority over one half of the tag team champions in order to further his team’s case for a title shot.

Overview: Carlito clearly doesn’t want to be here. Seriously, it almost looks like he’s trying to get himself fired at this point. Anyway, Carlito takes control early with a volley of punches and kicks before slamming Rhodes’ head into the top turnbuckle. Carlito tries to throw Rhodes over the top rope, but Rhodes skins the cat and lands a standing drop kick. Rhodes goes for a DDT, but Carlito shoves him away and slides out of the ring to catch a breather on the outside. Rhodes follows Carlito out of the ring, chops him across the chest, and rolls him back into the ring before sliding back into the ring himself. Carlito whips Rhodes to the corner, charges after him, and floats over an attempted back body drop from Rhodes before landing on his feet on the ring apron. Rhodes slams Carlito’s head into the top turnbuckle, but Carlito drops down off the ring apron and snaps Rhodes back across the top rope. By the way, Rhodes sold that by springing forward into a complete front flip. That seriously looked like something you would have seen from Shawn Michaels in his match with Hulk Hogan at SummerSlam 2005.

Anyway, Carlito scampers back in the ring and covers Rhodes for a two count. Carlito scores with a chop to the chest and lands a neck breaker for another two count. Carlito locks in a seated rear chin lock, but Rhodes fights out and counter with a modified snap-mare takedown. Rhodes connects with a volley of punches, a running clothesline, and a Side Russian Leg Sweep. Rhodes slams Carlito’s head into the top turnbuckle and goes for a running bulldog, but Carlito ducks and connects with a forearm shot to the back. Carlito goes for a back suplex, but Rhodes floats over, lands on his feet, and hits the running bulldog for a two count. Rhodes whips Carlito to the ropes, but Carlito floats over and goes for the Back Stabber. Rhodes hangs on to the to rope to counter, so Carlito crashes down to the mat giving Rhodes another two count. Rhodes whips Carlito to the ropes, waits for him to rebound, and ducks his head to telegraph the back body drop, so Carlito puts on the brakes and kicks Rhodes right in the chest. Carlito spins Rhodes around, hits the Back Stabber, and gets the three count.

Analysis: Well that… just wasn’t pretty. Rhodes did the best that he could, but at this point in his career he’s still quite green and needs to be working with talented, motivated veterans. I’ll never say that Carlito isn’t talented, but I’m definitely going to question his motivation in this case. We all know that Vince McMahon just barely managed to convince Carlito not to leave the promotion, but it seems as the Carlito is still far from happy with his current status within the company. As for the booking, having Carlito pick up the win makes perfect sense if we’re headed for a title match between Holly & Rhodes and Marella & Carlito. However, at some point Rhodes is going to have to start picking up wins in singles matches so that he can eventually emerge from Holly’s shadow and pursue his own career on his own merits.

Result: Carlito defeats Cody Rhodes with the Back Stabber.
Length: 4:46
Best Spot: Rhodes’ front-flip sell when Carlito snapped his back onto the top rope
Rating: *½

Okay kids, that’s it for this edition of Heat. Hope you had fun. Feel free to email me with any comments or suggestions. I’ll see you back here next weekend.