411’s WWE Heat Report 06.24.07

Hey guys and gals, I’m Scott, and this is 411’s WWE Heat Report.

Welcome back to the most half-assed Heat Report on the net. Wait, that doesn’t seem right. Isn’t this supposed to be the “best damn Heat Report on the net?” That’s always the goal, but for a number of reasons I am insanely short on time at the moment. Anyway, you know the drill. I’ll give you the full Preview as well as the Match Results, Match Lengths, and Best Spots, but the full play-by-play is just a lost cause this week.

Anyway, I think we have some wrestling to discuss. You’re probably aware that unlike Raw and Smackdown!, Heat is now available exclusively on WWE.com. The video-on-demand nature of Heat allows me to screen each episode for you while still allowing you to watch all or part of the show after reading my report. I want this column to be a resource to help you decide which segments are worth watching and which segments are worth skipping. However, I also want to cover each segment in detail for those of you who do not have the time, the desire, or the ability to watch Heat yourself. I’m going to try and meet both of these goals by separating this column into a preview and a review. The preview will include the title of each segment, the tag line for each segment, the running time for each segment, and the non-spoiler bottom line on whether or not the segment is worth watching. The review will include a detailed description of all of the action in each segment. Okay kids, enough with the boring stuff. Let’s get to the wrestling.

The Preview

Segment 1: Kickin’ Off With Chuck
Tag Line: Chuck Palumbo kicks off this week’s Heat, taking on Christian York.
Running Time: 6:07
Bottom Line: This episode of Heat features two different squash matches, and they are indeed as different as any two squash matches can be. In this first segment Chuck Palumbo is featured in an impressive and effective squash match. Squash matches should ideally be used to build promising new talent, and that is exactly what happens here. Palumbo is still in the process of being reintroduced to the WWE audience, and matches like this serve to make him look nothing less than dominating. In addition, indy fans will be excited to see Christian York making an appearance in the WWE. He may not be able to showcase much of his offense, but he does a great job of making Palumbo look like an absolute beast. Overall this is a fun if otherwise uneventful match, but that’s all you can really ask of a match like this. Watch it.

Segment 2: Welcome Back
Tag Line: Super Crazy returns from injury to take on new Raw draftee William Regal.
Running Time: 8:16
Bottom Line: Watch it. Seriously dude, watch it. Watching William Regal in action is one of the last true joys of being a fan of professional wrestling. Yeah, that’s right. I said “professional wrestling,” not “sports entertainment,” because William Regal is one of the best professional wresters of his generation. I’m absolutely thrilled that he’s going to be appearing on Heat from time to time, and this match is a great example of what we can expect. Regal is brutal in all the right ways, and the fact that he’s working with a returning Super Crazy only helps. Super Crazy has been involved in some of the best Heat matches of the past year, and it’s great to have him back on the active roster. This particular match probably isn’t a Heat MOTYC, but it’s a great way to introduce William Regal to the Heat audience. Watch it.

Segment 3: HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Tag Line: “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan is as American as apple pie, and he’s in action this week against Murray Harper.
Running Time: 7:58
Bottom Line: Yes, this episode of Heat truly is a Tale of Two Squash Matches. In the first segment Chuck Palumbo was featured in a fine example of a properly executed squash match, but here we have something entirely different. Seriously, what is the point of having Jim Duggan kill a jobber? Who does that help? Duggan’s career is deader than Vince McMahon, and no jobber in the world is going to be able to look impressive while bumping for him. The only possible justification for Duggan’s continued presence on Heat was his comedic work with Eugene, but even that option is gone now that Eugene has been drafted to Smackdown. Skip it.

Segment 4: Tag Champs Heat It Up
Tag Line: Cade & Murdoch take on the Highlanders in a non-title match in this week’s Heat main event.
Running Time: 11:25
Bottom Line: You more or less know what you’re getting with all four of these guys, but in this case that’s a pretty solid main event for this week’s episode of Heat. There’s really nothing here that we haven’t seen on Heat many times in the past, but for some reason both of these teams have really grown on me. Hey, this match was at least as good as two or three of the matches at Vengeance, so that’s got to count for something. Watch it.

The Review

Segment 1: Kickin’ Off With Chuck
(Chuck Palumbo vs. Christian York)

Match Result: Chuck Palumbo defeats Christian York with the Full Throttle.
Match Length: 3:01
Best Spot: Palumbo’s sit-out swinging side slam

Segment 2: Welcome Back
(Super Crazy vs. William Regal)

Match Result: William Regal defeats Super Crazy with a running knee shot to the head.
Match Length: 5:23
Best Spot: Super Crazy’s missed second-rope moonsault

Segment 3: HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
(“Hacksaw” Jim Duggan vs. Murray Harper)

Match Result: “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan defeats Murray Harper with the Three Point Stance Running Clothesline.
Match Length: 5:15
Best Spot: Duggan’s Three Point Stance Running Clothesline

Segment 4: Tag Champs Heat It Up
(The Highlanders vs. Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch)

Match Result: Lance Cade defeats Rory McAllister with the Sweet and Sour.
Match Length: 6:35
Best Spot: Cade & Murdoch’s Sweet and Sour

Okay kids, that’s it for this edition of Heat. Hope you had fun. Feel free to email me with any comments or suggestions. I’ll see you back here next weekend.