411’s WWE RAW Report 10.9.17

Keep Refreshing For The Latest Results

Man oh man have I missed you fucks! I’d like to thank Bossman Larry for covering for me the weeks that I had to take off to make sure my bar could properly handle Monday Night Football. Update; It can.

I’ve got some news for you all! I’ve been working on something for quite some time, and it’s near its completion. So, for all of those Watry-haters, word-craving sons of bitches who just want something more with their wrestling columnists….get ready for…

October 12, 2017….get ready for a four week extravaganza!

But for now…let’s get to RAW!

We’re in for a hell of a surprise as tonight’s episode of MizTV is more than just that! Miz is in the middle of the ring and welcomes us to….THE MIZZIES PART 2!!! Last week marks the day Miz turned into The Guy. He isn’t going to take all the credit, though. He calls The Miztourage real family, and when one is attacked, they are all attacked. So, the first Mizzie of the night goes to Curtis Axel. Axel is near tears. YOU DESERVE IT CHANT. Axel thanks Miz so much. He dedicates it to Bo Dallas. Miz tells Bo to get well soon. Next Mizzie is Best Supporting Actor. He dubs last week the Destruction of Roman Reigns.

Best Supporting Actor goes to….OMG it’s a tie!

The winners are Cesaro and Sheamus! They come out like the true team that they are, and head to the ring. Sheamus says that he and Cesaro really appreciate it. They proved last week that they could go anywhere. Sheamus wants to thank Roman Reigns. Sheamus wanted to beat him down even more with every move he made. Sheamus screams, “Yo Roman, we did it!” Cesaro says Sheamus forgot someone. Cesaro, with a mouthguard, thanks Seth and Dean as well.

Miz says The Shield reunion is not reality. They don’t want any of this. They all shared the same look; “Our time has passed us by.” Together, these men have changed the landscape of the WWE. They have done something Taker, Cena, and Brock could never do – they put an end to Roman Reigns. Sometimes the good guys really do win. He’s got one final Mizzie, and it’s for the man who has proven to be the Big Dog of the WWE. His name is…The Miz! Miz dedicates the Mizzie to his unborn child, and to every kid that needs a new role model.

Roman has seemingly heard enough. Reigns walks out with a mic, seemingly unscathed. Reigns says that this is where Miz shuts up. He is going to give them one chance to get up out his ring. Miz questions his tough guy talk here. Miz says Reigns is all about action, right? Reigns is going to do nothing, because there is 4 of them and one of him. Miz says the rumors are nothing but hype.

Reigns says rumors? Who said anything about rumors?

Ambrose’s music hits. He comes out to flank Reigns. Seth is next. All three stand at the top of the ramp. Michael Cole busts a nut. Crowd loves it. The Shield head down the ramp and they circle the ring. The Shield attacks! Sheamus and Cesaro get Dean and Seth in the ring. Superman Punch from Reigns. Clothesline from Dean. Knee to Sheamus from Seth. The Shield stand tall. Miz is on the outside staring in disbelief. Dean points to Roman to the crowd like, “See, he’s cool, guys!”

Ambrose and Rollins leave the ring to trap The Miz. Miz enters the ring. Dirty Deeds to Miz. Dean calls for The Miz to rise. We get the three-man powerbomb to The Miz!

The Shield touch fists..

Match 1: Jason Jordan vs Karl Anderson
Jordan and Anderson lock up. Firemans carry take down into a crossface attempt but Anderson locks up on the ropes to break the hold. Anderson locks up from behind. He lifts and slams Anderson down. One more time. Anderson again gets to the ropes to stop the hold. Jordan shoots forward but Anderson hits a right hand. Side headlock to Jordan. Anderson with a shoulder to knock down Anderson. He hits the ropes then catches a running Anderson. Jordan shoves Anderson up then drops him. Gallows interrupts, and Anderson clips the knee.

Back from a break, and Anderson is working over Jordan’s arm. Jordan runs right into a spinebuster. Cover for 1..2..NO! Anderson works the left arm behind. Jordan turns into the hold and hits a right hand to the face. Elbow to the face. He and Anderson trade blows. Jordan hits the ropes. Uppercut from Anderson. Saito Suplex by Jordan. Jordan attacks the head. Forearm to the head. he shoves Anderson into the corner, then rushes with him into the opposite corner. Belly to belly. Spear in the corner by Jordan. Gallows on the apron. Distracts. Thumb to the eye from Anderson. Pin. Anderson has the tights. 1..2..NO!! Jordan escapes. Jordan sends Gallows off the apron. Anderson runs with a kick, but Jordan moves!

Jordan lifts Anderson up with a neckbreaker. Pin for 1..2…3!!!

Winner: Jason Jordan
I dunno man, I still don’t see a lot wrong with Jordan other than lack of acceptance…
Match Quality: **
Personal Enjoyment: ***
Total Rating: **1/2

Backstage, Elias is walking…do you want to join him?

Miz and Axel are with a medical team. Ok, a team of 1. Angle comes in and asks Miz if he’s ok. Angle says this is what you get when you provoke people. Angle says Miz is getting what he wished for. Angle makes the match; Miz, Cesaro, and Sheamus in a TLC match against The Shield. Miz asks Angle if he is crazy. He is going to reward The Shield with a TLC match? Angle says it’s true, it’s damn true.

Elias is in the middle of the ring. He is in Indy, and he has one question. We, of course, know the question. Elias says Apollo does not want to walk with him, and its embarrassing. He compares his career to the Indy 500; going around in circles, and nobody cares.

Elias begins strumming when a banjo-like tune comes on. Elias is confused. It’s Titus! He comes out with a banjo and plucks a few strings. Titus says hello to the crowd and says he’s got a question for all of them: “Who wants to walk with Titus WORLDWIDE!!!”

Titus wants everyone to take out their cell phones and get up out their seats. Get ready to follow Apollo. Titus has a little song for Elias. Titus calls this a breeze. haha.

Titus plays the banjo better than he can wrestle.

Titus sucks at wrestling.

Match 2:
We come back to the match already in progress. Elias has Apollo hanging over the apron. He grabs the left arm and slams it down on the edge of the apron. Elias hits a clothesline to Apollo and covers for 1…NO! Apollo kicks out. Elias walks the ropes like Taker and drops a fist to the shoulder. Elias locks the left arm up, and Apollo arm drags him away. Elias rushes the corner. Apollo clips him then kicks the face. Kick to the mid section, another kick to the face. Elias misses a right hand. clothelsine from Apollo. Kip up and Apollo favors the arm. Lovely flip into a pin from Apollo. 1..2…NO!! Elias leaves the ring. Apollo follows. Right hand. Whip to the aporn, but Apollo hops to the top of it and back flips onto Elias! Nice. Apollo sends ELias into the ring. Elias misses some fists and Apollo gets the upperhand.

Apollo Stomps for a bit until Elias hangs him up on the 2nd rope. Elias with The Drift Away. Pin for 1..2…3!!!

Winner: Elias
Not too bad, not too good….Just right?
Match Quality: **
Personal Enjoyment: **
Total Rating: **

Your Cruiserweight Champion is here and excited as all hell. His name is Enzo Amore and he is a Certified G and a bonafide stud. Enzo wants to mention sexy Kurt. See, it was only bout a week ago when they was doin great business. Enzo had a No Contract clause. He then added the clause that they would also be fired. Kalisto then comes out here and assaults Enzo, and somehow, Angle rewards him with a title shot at TLC. Kalisto ain’t nothin but a Tostito, so he shoulda dipped. Enzo knows what he knows, and that’s all he knows. What he knows is that right now, Angle is doing nothing important, so the most important thing for him to do is join him in this ring right now.

Kurt Angle was, apparently, not doing anything, because he’s here to join Enzo in the middle of the ring. Enzo needs to talk to Angle about something. Enzo opens up a piece of paper and wants to know if this is Angle’s signature. Yes it is. This clause states that if any one of the Cruiserweight Division, they lose a chance at the title and they get fired. Angle confirms but says it only pertains to any current wrestlers, not anyone after signing the clause. Enzo says Angle is trying to hustle him and he ain’t down. Enzo wants some respect. Enzo wants to know why this guy is getting a title opportunity. Enzo is the biggest superstar in the locker room. Angle needs to start worrying about what makes Enzo happy.

Angle says ok, forget about the match at TLC. INstead, he’ll put the title on the line against Kalisto…tonight.

Enzo tells Angle that he is the realist champ in the room, so he’ll defend the title, but only under one stipulation. He’ll do it only if it’s in the main event.

Angle shakes Enzo’s hand, and we got our main event.

Also, Angle says that contract clause is on hold because tonight’s match is a Lumberjack Match.

Went from cool to meh in .5 seconds…

Match 3: Braun Strowman vs Matt Hardy
Braun shoves Matt into the corner like nothing. Lockup and Matt gets sent to the mat again. Right hand from Matt. Strowman tosses Matt across the ring yet again. he runs into a boot. Matt gets to the 2nd rope. He tries to clothesline Braun, hits a few erights, gets shoved, Matt comes back with rights. Braun keeps shoving him. Braun misses a right, Matt tries to go for the Side Effect, but Braun just tosses Matt yet ahgain. Braun hits the ropes. Shoulder tackle to Matt.

Back from a break, and Strowman has a sleepr like hold on Matt. Matt with a jawbreaker. Braun goes for a spear in the corner, but Matt moves, and Braun eats post. Matt is slow to rise, he kicks Braun while he tries to get in the ring. Matt clubs the back. Braun shoves him away. Braun rushes and eats an elbow. Matt on the 2nd rope. He kicks Braun away. Matt goes for a tornado DDT. Hits it!!! Kick from Matt. Twist of Fate! Matt covers. Braun KICKS OUT AT ONE!!! Matt is up. He is stunned.

Kick and another attempt, but Braun hits a chokeslam. Another one. Running Powerslam and a pin for 1..2…3!!!

Winner: Braun Strowman
Braun is still Braun. All is right with the world.
Match Quality: *
Personal Enjoyment: **
Total Rating: *1/2

Braun is not done. He grabs Matt and tosses him to the outside of the ring. Braun grabs Matt by the head. He lifts Matt on his shoulders and takes Matt up the ramp as Braun’s music plays…

Braun at the top of the ramp.

The Shield walks out! They’re wearing matching shirts so you know it’s real.

Braun stares the three of them down. Braun goes straight for Reigns!! He lifts Reigns and slams him into the big screen. Ambrose and Seth attack, pulling Braun back. SPEAR BY REIGNS!!!! Crowd is loving it! Stomps by all three men.

Cole says they used to call it “The Numbers Game” as if he hasn’t used that terminology since The Shield were first a thing.

The Shield take Braun towards the announce booth. We get the three man powerbomb onto the announce table! Braun is out. The Shield stands tall. Michael Cole busts another nut.

Back to RAW where they show us what we just saw. The Shield is walking backstage and Charley stops them. Ambrose says they’re down to take on six guys. Reigns says if anyone wants to step up, then let’s go. They run this business now.

How did Reigns just turn cool as fuck?

Mickie James is here.

She says that ever since she has returned to RAW, she has felt like she didn’t belong. She wondered if it was her accent, her age? Then she realized…Mickie has one person to thank for feeling this way…Alexa Bliss. Alexa has been taking cheap shot after cheap shot, but never to Mickie’s face. That’s not the type of champ Alexa is, and when she had a chance to prove her wrong, she went and ran behind Nia Jax. Mickie was one second away from defeating Alexa’s “Best Friend,” Alexa attacks her from behind. It’s time Alexa jumped out the booster seat and put on her big girl pants, because Mickie doesn’t play games, she is all woman. can Alexa say the same? Mickie doesn’t think so. Mickie thinks her promo is a country song and lays on the accent a little thicker than I think I’ve ever heard in her entire career.

Alexa comes out looking super sad panda. She must be disappointed. Alexa says she isn’t here to cause trouble or make fun, she is sorry. Mickie has been treated unfairly for so long. To show Mickie how sorry she is, Alexa put together a retrospective. Alexa says our younger fans might not even realize who she is. So…here is A Tribute to Mickie James.

The title of the video package is Superstars of Yesteryear, and looks like a Vaudevillains retro. The entire video has old jokes and put downs. Alexa then tells Mickie she’ll send her a VHS copy of this.

Mickie tells Alexa to bring her little biscuit butt down to the ring.

Mmmmmm, biscuits.

Alexa wonders if the crowd has any batteries for a hearing aid. The crowd chants Biscuit Butt. Alexa heads down to the ramp, holding up her title. Alexa then says nah.

Mickie runs out of the ring and attacks! She sends Alexa back in the ring. Lou Thesz Press. She goes for the Mick Kick, but Alexa leaves the ring. Mickie seemingly cannot leave the ring again, and watches as Alexa leaves.

Alexa forgot one clip:

Backstage, Angle is with Sasha and Bayley, talking about Asuka coming to RAW. bayley wants first dibs. Sasha tells Kurt The Boss vs Asuka is legit. In comes Alicia Fox to be annoying. She has been here for 10 years, and she doesn’t even have one t-shirt. Her resume speaks for itself. She deserves the shot.

In comes Dana. Cuz she matters this week. She says sometimes she feels like she doesn’t exist.

In comes Hot Ass Evil Emma, and she deserves Asuka. Angle says we settle things in the ring. So Fatal Five Way tonight to face Asuka. You know, that girl that pretty much everyone should be afraid to face….

Match 4: The Brian Kendrick and Jack Gallagher vs Cedric Alexander and Mustafa Ali
I dropped my pasta and missed the first minute of the match! Lord forgive me!

Kendrick is preventing Cedric from a tag then hits a butterfly suplex and a pin for 1..2..NO! Kendrick with a cravat. He sends Alexander in the corner and hits afew rights. Gallagher chokes up Cedric real quick. Tag to Jack, who comes in with a kic. Another. Front face lock to Cedric. More kicks from Jack. Alexander off the spin. Kick to the head. Tag to Ali. He comes in with a right elbow. Chest check. Dropkick and a kip up. Tag to Kendrick. Kendrick misses a hip, eatrs the post then ali gets a kick. Ali dives into the ring and hits a neckbreaker. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Gallagher in the ring and tosses Ali to the outside. Ali tosses Jack into the barricade then heads back onto the apron. He shoulders Brian, sunset flip onto his feet.

Kendrick locks up Ali with his legs then covers for 1..2..NO! Kendrick going for SLiced Bread #2! Hits it! Pin for 1..2…3!!!

Winners: Brian Kendrick and Jack Gallagher
Could it be? Do these guys…almost matter?
Match Quality: *1/2
Personal Enjoyment: **
Total Rating: *3/4

Hey, remember when The Shield powerbombed Strowman onto a table one segment ago? Well here’s another recap of it.

Backstage, Miz is with Angle and says that Miz cannot cancel the match. Miz says words matter, and Ambrose says they can take on 4, 5, or 6. So, Miz is going to find another partner. Miz introduces his fourth partner…

Braun kicks a door open to say hello.

Finn Balor makes his entrance. The crowd chants TOO SWEET. Finn calls this Balor Club. He says that last week, Bray Wyatt introduced the world to Sister Abigail. Finn brushes it off like a nuisance. Finn doesn’t know what to say anymore, honestly. Bray is like a poison. He’s like a virus that keeps mutating with more lies and mind games and to be honest, he doesn’t believe it. He’s desparate for attention, to instill fear, and to have the WWE Universe listen to his garbage. He tells Bray that he is not afraid of him. The Demon is not afraid of him, so if that was Sister Abigail, then bring her on. Bring on the whole family for all he cares.

Bray interrupts. Video of a rocking chair rocking. Bray walks into frame and takes a seat. He tells Finn that he will be afraid of Sister Abigail. She was young and beautiful. They turned her into some kind of monster. Bray was there when she took her final breath. She chose him. Together, they promised that they would make them all burn. Now, the season of the witch is upon Finn. She’s here.

Some cute little video trick and Bray is now covered by a shaw. Blackened eyes and white face with a black cover does not hide the idiocy of this.

We get Bray with a shaw and his voice altered. He says we men are all the same; we just want to control everything. Bray is different. Bray is special. He has much to learn. From a young age, she taught him that the world is a very evil place. She taught him darkness is so much stronger than the light. She promised him she would always be there. So here she is. Scorn. Scarred. Burnt. Rising from the ashes to fulfill her promise to her sweet, innocent prince, Bray. Look what you did to him. Finn hurt him and lied to him and now he will be punished. She knows all about demons. She can turn a demon into a dandelion.

She tells Finn to run, then laughs.

Match 5: Sasha Banks vs Hot Ass Evil Emma vs Alicia Fox vs Dana Brooke vs Bayley
Bayley and Alicia lock up. Sasha and Dana, too. HOt Ass Evil Emma backs up and watches from the corner. She’s all smiles as she watches the other four women take each other on. Dana stomps Sasha on the outside. She stomps Sasha away. In the ring, Alicia tries to attack Hot Ass Evil Emma. Dana is in to stop her .She shoves Alicia in the corner then her and Hot Ass Evil Emma team up to stomp Alicia down in the corner. Dana then gives a right to Hot Ass Evil Emma. Whip to the corner. Dana flips into an elbow to Hot Ass Evil Emma then Alicia. In comes Bayley who attacks Dana. She whips, reverses, and Dana botches a powerslam. She hits a flip onto Bayley and covers for 1..2..NO! Dana with a right hand. She gets a firemans, but Bayley drops. Bayley to Belly. Cover for 1..2….3!!!!

Dana Brooke has been eliminated!

Cole just now finds out that it’s an elimination match. Sasha runs in and rolls Bayley up for 1..2..NO!!! Bayley gets pissed, hits a back elbow then tries for a Bayley to Belly. Sasha escapes. Alicia is in. Axe kick to Bayley. Pin for 1…2….3!!!

Bayley has been eliminated!

We’re back after a commercial break and Hot Ass Evil Emma is working with ALicia Fox to suplex Sasha banks. Hot Ass Evil Emma tricks Alicia into a pin for 1..2..NO!!! Alicia is upset. Alicia with a knee. She whips, reversed, Alicia with an elbow, Sunset flip for 1..2…NO!!! Sasha with a dropkick to both girls! Sasha ducks a right from ALicia. Hits one of her own. Another. Dropkick to Alicia. Sasha with a hurricanrana. Sasha with the knees in the corner! Hot Ass Evil Emma is in the ring. She misses a right. Kick from Sasha. She goes for the back stabber, but Alicia goes for a pin. Sasha shoves her into Hot Ass Evil Emma. Sasha with the backstabber. Bank Statement! Alicia taps!

Alicia has been eliminated!

Hot Ass Evil Emma is in to roll up Sasha. She stacks her up for the pin. 1..2…..3!!!!

Winner: Hot Ass Evil Emma
I mean, it’s coo, cuz i’d rather have Emma die in five seconds than Sasha, but still…no one matters here.
Match Quality: *
Personal Enjoyment: **
Total Rating: *1/2

Renee Young wants to know what Finn feels about Sister Abigail. Finn says Bray simply couldn’t cope. Tonight, after seeing Sister Abigail, he fears that Bray may have unleashed something awful. When she spoke, Finn heard her words echo through his head. He felt a shiver up and down his spine. He felt pure evil. Finn also feels like now he knows what he’s gotta do.

Backstage, Charley is hanging out with a midget Shredder.

Kalisto cuts a promo in English and Spanish, and drops Eddie and Rey’s name. Happy Birthday, Eddie!

Kalisto says Enzo as champ is a slap to the face. He hopes that he can make Eddie and Rey….um, I dunno, he kinda just leaves it dangling…

Enzo does his little intro thing and Corey is going overboard with talking over him and saying that we’ve already heard this and there’s no need to hear it again.

Enzo cuts a little promo on the surrounding Cruiserweights and Corey continues to put down Enzo a little louder than necessary. He calls Kalisto a house-plant, a fake. Enzo is real. He tells all of them except for Tozawa, but includes Angle and Kalisto that they’re SAWFT.

Match 6: Cruiserweight Championship Match
Lumberjack Match
Enzo Amore vs Kalisto
Test of strength to start. Enzo kicks Kalisto as it was a ploy the entire time. Side headlock to Kalisto. They hit the ropes, but Enzo won’t let go. Ropes again and Enzo still holds onto the headlock. Kalisto fights out with reight hands. ROpe work and Enzo hits a shoulder tackle. Enzo hits the ropes, hops over Kalisto, then under. Kalisto goes for a kick but Enzo holds the ropes. He dances a bit. Kalisto goes to attack, but Enzo leaves the ring then realizes what’s out there. He goes back in and eats a dropkick, sending Enzo right back to the outside. Ali sends Enzo back in the ring while everyone just kind of stares at him. Kalisto rolls up into a kick. Enzo in the corner. Kalisto calls for the LUCHA chants. Kalisto with a drop toe hold into a front face headlock and we get a commercial.

Back from a break, and Enzo is yelling at Tozawa and Cedric. Enzo with a right elbow to the face of Kalisto. He backs up, side, calls for a kick, and gets a hard one into the gut of Kalisto. Enzo with a cover for 1..2..NO! Enzo grabs the head then tosses Kalisto outside. Kalisto lands on the apron and gets a high kick. Springboard into a cross body and a pin for 1..2…NO! Kalisto with a hard clothesline over the top rope. Ali grbs Enzo and Enzo shoves him away and enters the ring. Kalisto pulls the leg, Enzo with a rollup sending Kalisto INTO the turnbuckle instead of a pin. Enzo sends Kalisto to the outside. Ariya and Jack stomp Kalisto. Daivari sends Kalisto back in the ring. Enzo sends Kalisto into the corner. Enzo sends Kalisto into the mat face-first then covers for 1..2..NO! Enzo with a leg drop to Kalisto. He works in a headlock from behind. Enzo releases and sets up for another kick. Kalisto catches the kick, spins Enzo. Kick from Kalisto. He hits the ropes. Hurricanrana face slam! Cover for 1..2…NO! Enzo sends Kalisto out to the apron and Ali helps him back in the ring.

Outside the ring, Ali smacks Ariya a good one, then everyone ends up fighting. They go crazy on one another.

In the ring, Kalisto kicks Enzo in the corner. He gets Enzo up top. He sets up. SUPERPLEX INTO THE CRUISERWEIGHTS!!! Enzo rolls back into the ring. Kalisto is up a bit later and gets back in as well. Kalisto wants Del Sol, but Enzo counters! Pin for 1..2…NO!! Ali drags Enzo out of the ring! Outside, Enzo stares Ali down as he screams that Enzo doesn’t represent them. Enzo with a huge clothesline. Enzo trips Kalisto up in the corner. Elbows from Kalisto!

Kalisto wants Salida Del Sol off the top rope!!! Pin! 1..2…..3!!!!! Kalisto is the champion!!!

Winner and NEW Cruiserweight Champion: Kalisto
And so, the Enzo Experiment is over and I have to admit that it worked for the most part.
Match Quality: **1/2
Personal Enjoyment: ***
Total Rating: **3/4

End Show