411’s WWE RAW Report 10.16.17

It’ finally here! Ladies and gentlemen, Len Archibald and myself spent months on this, and our main goal was to give you something worth reading. Admittedly, this first edition could have been broken up to one, two, or maybe even three of its own stand alone pieces – and we will be doing as such in the future – but please, take the time to read Edition 1 of our State of the Universe Address 2017!

THANK YOU FOR YOUR CONTINUED SUPPORT!

Now then…RAW

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We get a recap from last week with a voice over that probably worked for UFC in a past life.

Kurt Angle joins us live in the middle of the ring. He wants to focus on….getting cut off by the offical Shield music! We pan to the crowd, and we get The Shield, complete with their bad ass vests, coming through the crowd. It’s as cool as you think it is. They surround the ring like they used to, while angle stands a bit apprehensive.

Reigns wants to speak, and gets a nice little boo. Reigns says when the hounds come down to this ring; there are two choices: get out of their yard, or get your ass beat.

Seth takes the mic and tells Reigns to take it easy. Seth says it feels good to be out here. It’s amazing how things come full circle. Five years ago, The Shield had their first match at TLC and they dominated. Every single night after that, when they were in the ring together, they dominated. Then one day, that all went away. Seth is proud to stand here five years later with his brothers because The Shield is back and better than ever.

Dean Ambrose on the mic; says, “Tables, Ladders, and Chaaaaiiiiirrrrrrrsssssss.” He says none of this is why The Miz should be scared. The battle lines have been drawn, and they are going to war with the masters. Nobody in the history of this business divides and conquers like The Shield. There is no force of nature as powerful as The Shield. Maybe Dean got a little ahead of himself when he said he’d take on a bunch of dudes, but he’d say it again because they don’t care. He calls out Miz and Co and wants to get it on now.

BRAUN!!!!!!!!

Braun and Miz and The Bar is out.

Angle is on the mic and says save it for This Sunday. Cesaro and Sheamus get their title rematch tonight; Braun gets Reigns in the cage. Angle says tonight will make history.

Elias is here with Anderson and Gallows. He’s gonna sing..so, yay.

Gallows and Anderson want to warm up their vocal chords a little bit. Gallows does some throat exercises while singing “nerd” repeatedly. Anderson does the same. Neither are funny.

Anderson sings The Honky Tonk Man’s entrance.

Match 1: Elias, Karl Anderson, and Luke Gallows vs Titus O’Neil, Apollo Creed, and Jason Jordan
No racial implications here. Nope, not a one.

Lockup for Titus and Luke. Knee from Gallows. He clobs the back then hits some huge uppercuts in the corner. Gallows gets tossed in the corner by Titus and he hits some rights and lefts. Chop to Gallows. Another. Clothesline over the top rope. Eli comes in and eats a dropkick from Apollo. Anderson rushes in and Jordan flies off the top rope with a clothesline.

Back from a break, and Gallows hits a big boot to Apollo, who is now the legal man. Tag to Elias who heads in to stomp Apollo down. Right to Elias. Left. Elias clubs the back, gets whipped, locks the head with his legs, then hits a dropkick and covers for 1…2..NO! Elias crawls for a tag, gets one to Anderson. Apollo cannot reach Jordan. Anderson flips him. Apollo gets the tag. Dropkick. He sends Anderson into the corner, lifts and sends him into the opposite. One more time. HBelly to Belly. Cover for 1..2…NO! Elias is in to break it up. Titus in with a Big Boot! Gallows hits one of his own. Apollo in with a dropkick. Anderson sends Apollot to the apron. Apollo gets blind tag as Anderson sends Jordan away.

Apollo surprises him with a spinning sitout powerbomb! Pin for 1..2…3!!

Winners: Titus O’Neil, Apollo Creed, and Jason Jordan

Match Quality: **
Personal Enjoyment: **
Total Rating: **

Asuka. Sunday. Orgasm.

Backstage, Hot Ass Evil Emma is lookin all Hot Ass and Evil. She is sick of hearin about Asuka. Why isn’t the attention on her? Last week, she beat four of the toughest women in the world. She is a social media superstar. What has Asuka done around here?

Alexa Bliss comds in to tell Hot Ass Evil Emma that Asuka hasn’t done anything. Alexa says Hot Ass Evil Emma has. It’s refreshing to see her build women up instead of shaming them. Like Mickie. Mickie is not a locker room leader and the younger superstars need to stick together. She wants hot Ass Evil Emma to team up with her against Mickie James and Betty White.

We get a video package of Jack Gallagher’s heel turn and teaming with Brian Kendrick, complete with the eventual Cedric Alexander manning up.

Match 2: Jack Gallagher (w/ Brian Kendrick) vs Cedric Alexander (w/ Rich Swann)
Cedrick kicks Jack away from the corner then hits a springboard somethin or other. He hits a hard forearm to the face. Another. Drokick to Jack, sending him to the outside. Cedric hits the ropes, but Kendrick hops on the apron to stop him. Swann runs by and clips the leg. Jack runs in and takes advantage. He attacks Cedrick with right hands while mounting. Stomp to thw face of Cedric. Snapmare then a knee to the face. Chin lock from behind. He locks the left arm with the leg and cinches the hold. Cedrick turns into the move and hits an uppercut. Jack smashes him in the middle of the ring then hits a dropkick. Kick to the spine of Cedric. Jack stares down Rich Swann. Gallagher with a kick to the chest. Another. Kick to the face. Jack cinches the face from behind. Kick from Jack. Another. A third is blocked. Cedrick with a back elbow. It stings. Fronht flip rebound into a high kick to the face! Cedrick waits. Kendrick holds the boot!!

Rich Swann runs off the steps! Tornado DDT!! Lumbar check in the middle of the ring to Jack! Pin for 1..2…3!!

Winner: Cedric Alexander

Match Quality: **
Personal Enjoyment: **
Total Rating: **

We are back to RAW with the entrance of The Miz. He is sided by The Bar and Curtis Axel, who gets a chant while in the ring. Odd, but welcomed. Miz brings up Angle possibly losing the TLC main event because they would have shattered The Shield into splinters. Miz says that wasn’t their intention. Cesaro tries to cut a promo, but the mouth guard makes the delivery really really bad…haha. Fuck.

Sheamus tries to save it by saying that shattered is the word because tonight, The Bar are going to shatter The Shield into three pieces. YOU LOOK STUPID chant. Sheamus tells them to shut their mouth.

Miz stops Sheamus and asks the crowd if they’ve all looked into the mirror lately.

Sheamus continues, tonight they are going to take back their titles, then The shield will break just like he’s going to break Dean Ambrose’s back with a chair, or Seth’s leg when he is pushed off a ladder, or Roman’s spirit when Miz puts him through a table. Miz wants us to understand that they are all excited about Sunday to expose The Shield as an overhyped group that never was as good as we think they are, especially after what they’ve been through. They simply can’t contend with them. They are a family. Miz says there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for Curtis or Bo or these two guys, or even the fourth member of the team, Braun Strowman.

Braun says he would have shattered The Shield tonight. Last week, they came together and triple powerbombed him through the announce table. None of them could stop him on their own, so now he tears them apart one by one, piece by piece until The Shield is done and gone forever. That starts tonight instead of a steel cage with Reigns, because he’s making them lock the doors shut so Roman can’t run.

Miz says The Shield is no match for this. Does anyone think they can take these guys on? YES Chant. REALLY? REALLY? YES! REALLY? YES! REALLY? YES!

Miz then says to understand that that catch phrase is nostalgia, and he can throw it away whenever he wants. Nicely done Miz. haha.

Miz then brings up Dean’s challenge. So at TLC, The Shield will face Braun Strowman, Sheamus, Cesaro (crowd chants CURTIS AXEL), The Miz…..and the fifth member….

Kurt Angle comes out. He stops this madness and says he didn’t agree to this. Miz says Dean himself said he could. Words still matter! Angle argues back that it’s not happening. Miz says that Ambrose and Reigns are challenging us and to make them prove it! Think about it! They could be heroes going against all odds.

Angle tells Miz to shut the hell up. He is the RAW GM and he told him so. They’re going to settle it in the ring. If Miz wants a 5th partner, then Braun must win tonight. If Reigns wins, then the match at TLC goes back to being a 3 on 3 and they lose Braun.

Agreed?

Crowd chants YES!

Braun accepts on behalf of the team while Miz looks on crazy.

Angle is about to walk away but almost forgot that during both the tag team title match and cage match, everyone is banned from ringside.

Match 3: Sasha Banks vs Alicia Fox
Alicia goes for the weakest right, so Sasha grabs the arm and tosses her down then locks in the Bank Statement. Alicia uses her legs to get a rope break and rolls out of the ring. Baseball slide from Sasha. Alicia heads in then out. Hangs up Sasha then hits a tilt-a-whirl slam. Cover for 1..NO! Alixia with a knee to the back. Cravat from behind. Sasha turns into the hold and attacks the mid section. She hits the ropes. Sasha with a crossbody. Pin for 1..2…NO!! Elbow from Alicia. Ouch. Alicia slaps Sasha down then locks in another hold from behind. Sasha turns into the hold again and is whipped to the ropes.

Sasha comes down with an attack on the arm. Bank Statement! Alicia taps!

Winner: Sasha Banks
…
Match Quality: *
Personal Enjoyment: *
Total Rating: *

Alicia is in the ring throwing a fit and acting wild. it makes zero sense and is the anthesis of appealing.

Backstage, Enzo is walking like a G.

Further backstage, Charley is backstage to congratulate Sasha. Sasha calls Alicia as tough as she is crazy. Alicia attacks fomr behind with a kick then sends Sasha into some plastic shit. Alicia acts wild, tosses her into some backstage stuff then knees her down a bit until a ref comes down to ask what she is doing. Alicia then shoves the ref. The ref yells from a seated position, and it’s hilarious. Two more refs come and Alicia continues to annoy.

Well then…

Enzo heads out. He says he’s doin alright. He heard a few boos though, so they must be wondering where his boo is. AKA his CW Title. We get some footage. We get a recap of the match from last week where Enzo clotheslined Ali hard then lost the title. Enzo wants to be real for a minute. He was screwed and robbed of his title. It’s no conspiracy, it’s a fact. Enzo got thrown into a title match that was a lumberjack match by a corrupt GM. He then calls out Mufasa Ali.

Kalisto is here to cut him off.

He heads down to the ring. Kalisto tells Enzo to shut up, speaks some spanglish, says he has a big mouth and calls it a 7-11, then says Enzo can blame Kalisto or Kurt or the entire 205 Live roster. Blame the entire Universe. Whatever helps him sleep at night on the knock off Gucci sheets he has. it doesn’t matter who he blames. There will be no excuses at TLC when he comes out the NEW CW Champ. But….he currently is…

Enzo says he’s got 10 bands on his body right now, and has money stacked taller than Kalisto, and it ain’t dirty money. He earned it being a star, and what that’s done is shed some light. What he’s trying to understand is why Kalisto is standing on the tracks. The Zo train is comin through. Choo Choo.

And from behind, Daivari, Dar, and Nese, and Gulak attack Kalisto.

The four stomp him down while Enzo chants “YOU DESERVE IT!” He calls Kalisto a Big Bad Beetleborg. haha.

The attack continues as Enzo berates him until Mustafa Ali runs down and attacks. He shoulders Enzo, clotheslines Dar, kicks Daivari, then gets attacked by Enzo. The wolves come in to attack and it’s a five on one attack. Kalisto tries to get up so Gulak clotheslines him in the back of the head. Nese with a running knee to Kalisto. Ali tries to fight again, but it’s sohrt lived. Nese holds Ali up. Daivari with a hard clothesline, while Enzo yells “Get that money.”

Nese holds Kalisto up. Enzo talks some shit, brings up that his shoes don’t come out for another three weeks. He hits the Eat Defeet which i guess is called Jaw-Donezo.

Two dudes, says Enzo, who he’s gonna ask a question – How Ya Doin.

Enzo lets Dar wear his Gucci jacket.

Match 4: Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins vs Sheamus and Cesaro
Sheamus and Dean to start. Dean stomps Sheamus in the corner. Chop to the chest from Dean. whip to the corner. Sheamus gets the boot up, and Sheamus hits a knee. Right hand to Dean. Uppercut to Dean. Elbows to the face but Sheamus stops him, hits the ropes, and Dean hits a knee. Tag to Seth. Dean with a clothesline. Seth follows. Cesaro in the eing. They send him to the outside. Seth and Dean hop over the ropes onto Sheamus and Cesaro. Seth kicks down Cesaro. Seth hops off the apron into Sheamus arms. Elbow and Seth steps back. Cesaro with a clothesline on the apron.

We’re back and Sheamus and Seth are still goin at it in the ring. Sheamus whips Seth into the heel corner then hits an Irish Curse. Pin for 1..2..NO! Tag to Cesaro. They both kick Seth in the corner. Cesaro chokes him up then distracts the ref. Sheamus with a kick to Seth’s face. Cesaro with an uppercut. He underhooks then stands solid to prevent the team. He reaches for Sheamus but Seth lifts up and shoves forward. Cesaro nears Sheamus, but Seth lifts again. Seth can’t over power Cesaro. Cesaro hits ak nee, then big boots Dean off the apron! Back body drop from Seth. Sheamus in from a tag, shoulders Seth in the corner. He shoves Seth forward, lfits, Cesaro with an uppercut!!! Sheamus with a pin. 1..2…NO!!!!! Sheamus and Cesaro yell at the ref for a bit. Sheamus kicks Seth away then hits a right hand to the head. Uppercut to Seth. Sheamus goes for a right, but Steh blocks and hits a few chops. Kick to the gut. Seth hits the ropes. Runs intro a lift, Seth backs up, Sheamus goes for a shoulder, Seth moves!!! Sheamus hits the post. Tag from Cesaro. He’s in. Ambrose is back on the apron. Cesaro gets sent over the top rope. Seth nears the tag, Cesaro back in, misses a clothesline, Tag to AMBROSE!!!! Clothesliner, another, whip to another one. Bonuce of the corner and an elbow in the corner, he goes for a bulldog, but Cesaro shoves him off. Swinging neckbreaker from Ambrose. Ambrose to the top rope, he flies with an elbow, but Xesaro moves forward. Ambrose rolls through, Dean clips the legs, goes for a catapult, but Cesaro lands on his feet, bounces off and gets kicked. Dean goes for Dirty Deeds, but Cesaro gets setn to the outside. Seth with a suicide dive to Sheamus. Dean with one to Cesaro!

Both men back in the ring. Dean with a flying elbow. Pin for 1..2..NO!! Sheamus breaks it up. Seth is in, right hand. Back breaker from Sheamus. Dean sends Sheamus to the otuside. Back body drop from Cesearo. Dean runs into a boot. Blind tag from Sheamus. Cesaro lifts Dean onto Sheamus. Sheamus holds him. Some miscommunication happens. Cesaro springboards into a clothesline and Sheamus gets a pin for 1..2..NO!! Seth in, Cesaro hits an uppercut, tag to Cesaro.

They go for a double crucifix, Rollins is in. Kick to the face of Sheamus. Kick to Cesaro. He turns. Dirty Deeds! Pin for 1..2….3!!!

Winners: Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose
Minor miscommunication aside near the end, pretty sweet match.
Match Quality: ***
Personal Enjoyment: ***
Total Rating: ***

Backstage, Curtis Axel tells Sheamus and Cesaro and Braun that he wants Roman Reigns. Sheamus coerces him to go find Roman.

RIP Curtis Axel.

Recap of Finn Balor meeting Sister ABraygail

Finn didn’t know what to think about Sister ABraygail. Had Bray lost his mind, or maybe he just outsmarted all of us. Finn thought it was a trick; a mind game. Finn was wrong. When he was a kid, he would read about the Celtic Festival of ____ A night when the dead would rise, and the monsters would walk the earth. He used to think these were just stories, but after feeling Sister ABraygail’s presence, these things were real.

Finn says Bray may have his tricks, but he’s got some tricks, too, and just like the Legend of ____, he, too will slay a monster – with a Demon of his own.

Lights go out. Back on. Red pulse. Finn says his demon has no fear.

Camera trick shows Finn with some Halloween makeup, then flickers back to real Finn. We go back and forth as Finn says his Demon dreams about nightmares, and his demon is dying to meet Sister ABraygail.

Demon Finn and Sister ABraygail bout to have a love child.

Match 5: Hot Ass Evil Emma and Alexa Bliss vs Mickie James and Bayley
Mickie to start with Alexa. Alexa goes for a right and misses, so she backs up and tags in Hot Ass Evil Emma. Lockup to start and Hot Ass Evil Emma gets a side headlock. Mickie presses the knee then turns this into a cover for 1..2..NO! Hot Ass Evil Emma works the amr. Mickie flips out of it, then arm drags into a pin. 1..NO! Tag to Bayley who comes in with a whip to the ropes. Double elbow into a double elbow drop. Bayley covers for 1..2..NO! Bayley gets taken into the corner and Alexa gets a tag. Alexa with stomps in the corner. Alexa yells at the same ref that Alicia shoved. Dude gets no respect. Bayley bounces ALexa’s face off her knee. Cover for 1..2…NO!!! Hot Ass Evil Emma stops any more offense from happening by pulling Alexa to the outside. The four girls bicker outside for a while so that we can see what’s new on USA Network.

Back from a break, and Bayley is in the ring with Hot Ass Evil Emma. Hot Ass Evil Emma has a chin lock but Bayley fights out with a couple of elbows. Hot Ass Evil Emmasends her into the corner face first, but Bayley hulks up. She slams Hot Ass Evil Emma into the corner a bunch of times then snapmares Hot Ass Evil Emma. She hits the corner. Running clothesline. Knee and a pin for 1..2…NO! Hot Ass Evil Emma rolls to the apron. Bayley tries to gain the upperhand, but Hot Ass Evil Emma hangs her up then tosses Bayley down. Alexa talks some shit. Hot Ass Evil Emma drops down and kicks Bayley into the barricade. Hot Ass Evil Emma grabs Bayley by the pony tail then sends Bayley back in the ring for a pin. Hot Ass Evil Emma sends Bayley into the corner. Tag to Alexa, who gets whipped into the corner where Bayley is. Alexa stops and hits a hard slap to bayley. Knee to the back of the head. Cover for 1..2..NO! Clothesline from Alexa. Some shit happens til it’s Micke and Alexa. Mickie wtih a kick to the mid section. Another kick. Mickie hits the ropes and rebounds with an attack. Neckbreaker from Mickie. Mickie sets up. Spinning kick attempt but Alexa slaps her hard then hits a flapjack onto Alexa. Mickie heads to the top rope. She flies. Lou Thesz press into a pin for 1..2..NO! Hot Ass Evil Emma in to break it up. Bayley in to send Hot Ass Evil Emma out. Alexa with a shove to Bayley, sending her outside.

Mickie with a high kick to the face. Pin for 1..2….3!!!

Winners: Bayley and Mickie James

Match Quality: **
Personal Enjoyment: *
Total Rating: *1/2

Backstage, Curtis Axel spots The Shield. He readies himself to walk up to them as we go to commercial.

We come back to RAW where Miz is trying to hype up his team before realizing Axel isn’t there. Sheamus says he believes The Axe Man may be single-handedly destroying The Shield. Braun tells Miz that Axel said he wanted to go beat up Roman Reigns, so Braun told him to go do it.

Backstage, Mickie and Bayley talk tag team names. Charley wants a quick interview with Mickie. Bayley leaves. Charley wants to know if Sunday is about the title or about her age? Mickie brings up the specific jabs and says that she’ll admit it; the words cut her deep. They really hurt. But ya know….Mickie is proud of who she is and everything that she has accomplished. She is a different woman now. Mickie has a 3 year old waiting for her at home, and he is her everything. It’s the greatest feeling in the world. She then says one of the greatest feelings in her entire career would be to take that title home to her little boy Donovan. At the end of the day, Mickie will have the last laugh. She’s going to whip that little biscuit butt all over TLC.

Miz is backstage looking for Curtis. We see Curtis hung upside down from a forklift with his shirt off. He’s got some bruising goin on while Miz wonders who could have possibly done this, and refs call for a Forklift driver….

Backstage, Renee asks Miz what he’s going to do now that Axel is out? Miz says he thinks the world of Axel, but he was never going to be the 5th man.

Match 6: Steel Cage Match
Braun Strowman vs Roman Reigns
We start, like every match should, with Reigns getting tossed across the ring like nothing. Braun grabs the vest and an attempt at a running powerslam into the gate, but Reigns drops dow .He looks to climb the cage, but Braun pulls him down .Reigns with a clothesline. Another. Braun doesn’t go down. Big Boot from Reigns. Another kick and Braun won’t go down. Reigns looks to Fireman Braun but it doesn’t work. Braun rushes the corner and eats post. Reigns with some clotheslines in the corner. Braun nearly gets a pin.

We. Are. Back. Braun is above the fallen Reigns. He grabs the hair of Reigns. Braun with another toss to Reigns, this time into the cage. But Reigns holds onto the cage and tries to climb up it! Braun drops him in between the ropes and cage, and Braun just squashes his ass in between himself and the cage. Reigns with a kick to Braun’s face. He heads into the ring and kicks the gut then the chest. braun still has yet to go down. Reigns looks to lift, he nearly gets him up. He does! SAMOAN DROP!! Cover for 1..2….NO!!!! Reigns heads to the cage and tries to climb. Braun is slow to rise. Reigns is near the top. He’s movin fast. He’s got one leg over, but Sheamus and Cesaro are here to pull the leg of Reigns!!!

Ambrose and Rollins are here to pull down Sheamus and Reigns!!! They fight down on the mat. Sheamus shoves Dean into the barricade. Dean with a clothesline. Reigns is on the top of the cage. he’s got both legs over now, but Braun is there to hold Reings up by Roman’s wrist! He tugs onto Reigns, dragging him back into the ring VIA suplex!!! Damn, that was pretty cool.

Sheamus and Cesaro fight Ambrose and Seth up the ramp where a bunch of ladders and tables are set up. Cesaro sends Sheamus into the stage while Sheamus fights Seth near the announce table. Miz, who was at the booth, leaves. Backstage, Cesaro and Sheamus are fighting with everyting that’s around. There’s a dude protecting a bunch of merch, which I find hilarious.

Dean hits Sheamus with a chair, then one more time. They head towards an area with a pull down door. Miz then locks said door, locking the four men outside of the arena.

Back to the match, and Reigns struggles to stand. Braun stands behind him. braun turns him. He goes for the powerslam again, but Reigns fights off and sits on the top of the corner. He kicks Braun away, then goes to climb again. Reigns starts to climb, but Braun climbs the adjacent side. He grabs Reigns by the belt and pulls him down onto the top rope. Headbutt from Reigns. He sends Reigns of the ropes. Reigns pulls the leg and Braun is crotched. Reigns with the Superman Punch. Reigns with another. Reigns goes for the spear, but Braun shoots him up, only for Reigns to hit a Superman Punch! Pin for 1..2…NO!!!! Reigns in the corner. Braun is down. Reigns readies.

The music of KANE hits!!!

Reigns is confused! SPEAR TO BRAUN!

Kane comes from under the ring!!! Kane with the neck cut. Reigns goes for the Superman Punch. Chokeslam instead!!! Kane lifts Reigns. ANOTHER CHOKESLAM!

Braun stares down Reigns. He lift him. Running Powerslam. Kane looks at Braun, then grabs Reigns. Tombstone. Braun drops his straps. Running Powerslam. Cover for 1..2….3!!!

Winner: Braun Strowman
Well that was a…return.
Match Quality: ***1/2
Personal Enjoyment: ***1/2
Total Rating: ***1/2

The Miz is sitting on top of a ladder on the stage. He says in case this wasn’t clear, Kane is the fifth member.

End Show