411’s WWE Raw Report 10.24.05

We get ourselves a rundown of last week’s big Taboo Tuesday decision by General Manager Bischoff to start off the show. Of course, Shawn Michaels beat Carlito, Big Show beat Edge, and Kane won the 18-man battle royal in the TT Qualifying Matches.

**Ohhhh…ohhhh…Shawn**

And here he is – The Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels. Looks like we’ll be starting off the show with the triple threat match.

We are live in Fresno, California this week with our hosts The Coach and Jerry “the King” Lawler.

**WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELL…..well it’s the Big SHOW!!**

The biggest man in all of sports entertainment, The Big Show.

And here he is – through hell, fire, and brimstone – Kane.

Match 1: Shawn Michaels vs. Big Show vs. Kane

All three men stare each other down. Shawn and Kane attack Big Show, but he pushes them both back. Headbutt to Kane and Shawn gets the same treatment. Another headbutt to Kane. And another to Shawn. Cover is broken up by Kane. Kane has Show in a headlock. Kane off the ropes. Shoulderblock and neither man flinch. Kane off the ropes again and he gets a big clothesline. Cover by Shawn and Show pulls him off. Big slap by Show to Shawn. Show is already bleeding. Chokeslam attempt to Kane by Show, but Shawn takes out his knee from behind. Shawn and Kane working over Show in the ropes. Show kicked to the outside. Knife edge by Shawn to Kane – and another. Whip by Shawn is reversed by Kane and Shawn goes ass up into the buckle. Sidewalk slam by Kane. Kane off the ropes lands a big elbow drop. Kane off the ropes again, but Show grabs his leg. Show pulls him to the outside and he takes Kane down with a big clothesline. Show back in the ring. Gorilla slam by Show to Shawn and he throws him on top of Kane to the outside. And we go to…..

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Back live and Show and Kane are in the ring together. Kick to the abdomen b y Kane and now some rights backs Show into the corner. Show whips Kane into the buckle. Head of steam and he gets Kane’s size 15. Cover by Show and Michaels breaks it up. Shawn with some knife edge chops on Show. Michaels off the rope, flying burrito doesn’t move Show! Kip up and Show just stares him down. Kane with those uppercuts of his on Show. Big boot to Shawn. Kane with a head of steam clotheslines Show in the corner. And Kane throws Shawn back outside of the ring. Kane working over Show now. Kane pounding on Show gets up to a six count before he is pushed off by Show. Another uppercut by Kane. Whip by Kane is reversed. Show with a head of steam, and he meets air. Kane just attempted some type of suplex, but he couldn’t get it done. Show sells it, though. Kane up top, Shawn slows him a bit. Show up top now. Superplex by the BIG SHOW TO KANE!! WOW! Shawn is back in the ring as both men are down. HOLY SHIT chants. Michaels off the top rope and he drops the elbow to the heart of Big Show! Tune up the band. 1…2…3….4…5….SWEET CHIN MUSIC to SHOW! But Kane is up and he levels HBK to the mat with a clothesline. Kane with the cover on Show – 1…2…KICK OUT! Kane heads to the outside, grabs a chair, and throws it into the ring. And another. And now a third chair is in the ring. The referee, however, is getting rid of them while Kane uses a fourth chair to lay out Big Show. Kane going to the top again. He comes off the top, but Shawn nails him with a weak looking Sweet Chin Music. Sweet Chin Music to Show – cover and that’s all!

WINNER: Shawn Michaels (10:35)

Kane is really screwing up out there, but a decent start to Raw. Coach tells us about the big John Cena/Kurt Angle match with Mick Foley as the special guest referee.

John Cena rode with some NASCAR dude named Wally Dollenbach yesterday.

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We’re back as Coach reminds us of what happened moments ago.

King takes a house mic, and says he wants to interact with his friends in California.

King: How many of you think Coach is doing a good job out here? (BOOS) Let me ask you this – how many of you enjoyed seeing Coach get embarrassed last week by Stone Cold Steve Austin? (CHEERS) I know I enjoyed it so let’s take another look at it.

We all remember what happened last week, but they show it to us again.

King: Now Coach – the Coach, Stone Cold showdown is going to be very, very interesting. It’s up to all of you out there to decide what type of match it’s going to be. Number one it can be a verbal debate (BOOS). Or number two it can be an arm wrestling match (BOOS). Well, your third choice for Coach and Stone Cold at Taboo Tuesday is a good ole fashioned Street Fight (CHEERS). Coach you’re not saying anything what’s the matter?

Coach: Is this funny to you? Is this some type of joke to you? I do have something to say. I do have something to say because much to your surprise the Coach is not afraid of Stone Cold Steve Austin. In fact, I’m gonna call Stone Cold Steve Austin out, and I think I’ll do it right about now. And if you folks don’t think I’ll do it I’m going to walk right down to that ring and I am daring the Texas Rattlesnake to meet me right there in that ring face to face.

Coach drops his headset and heads out to the ring.

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Coach: The Coach is giving you (Stone Cold) three seconds to get your butt out here. 1…..2…..

**Stone Cold’s music hits**

Here he comes in the Stone Cold Mack Truck again this week. He drives it right into the arena. But it’s Stephanie McMahon who arises from the moon roof in that pickup – WOOHOOO!! She drinks down a few beers and makes her way to the ring. Daaaamn, she is fine.

Stephanie: Guess I won’t be needing this anymore.

Coach: You almost had me.

Stephanie: Coach, I mean you just had amazing performance. I so believed you were afraid. You deserve an Emmy for that. In case you people haven’t figured it out yet Coach and I have a little announcement. Stone Cold will not be here tonight.

Coach: I’ve gotta say that the Coach is a little bit disappointed. That doesn’t mean the Coach is going to back down. Stone Cold if you’re watching and I know you are. If you even dare show up next Monday in Anaheim, California the Coach is calling you out.

Steph: See Coach – that is the type of attitude that has you sitting up there next to King as the new voice of Raw. (SLUT chants) You know what it disappoints me that our fans can’t be a little more original. Coach, you are doing an outstanding job taking JR’s place, and just so you all are aware – JR did have successful colon surgery this week. And JR – the McMahon family is incredibly happy for you. But on to more important things. One week from tomorrow – Taboo Tuesday – you, Coach, will be in this ring with Stone Cold Steve Austin. If Stone Cold beats you then JR will be rehired, but if you beat Stone Cold Steve Austin he will be fired. And I cannot tell you what a service you would be doing for me and my family to get rid of Stone Cold Steve Austin forever. I know my dad – he will be here later tonight and he has a surprise for you. My dad would love to replace you at Taboo Tuesday. He’s maybe got twenty more pounds of muscle…..

**Mick Foley’s music hits**

Mick Foley – the Hardcore Legend – makes his way down to the ring and grabs a mic.

Foley: It’s just that I didn’t feel like I could sit in the back and listen one second longer and listen to somebody that is so obviously full of crap.

Steph: Actually JR was full of crap…

Mick: Personally I don’t feel colon surgery is all that humorous. Let’s face it – you went out of your way to make my life a living hell. And your father for all his business genius is kind of an arrogant, star-craving mad, egomaniacal – what’s a good word for Vince? But your mother – to see her lower herself to your level makes me kind of sick. You see Steph I did not think I could sit back and see you destroy the business that I love.

Steph: Mick that’s so touching. When are you people like you gonna realize that without me or my family there would be no business that you love. You know Mick – you wanna come out here and try to intimidate me. A sweet, warm, caring, defenseless woman? I mean sure you talk tough Mick, but let’s see how tough you talk to your opponent at Taboo Tuesday.

**I Spit In the Face of people who don’t want to be cool…**

Carlito makes his way to the ring.

Carlito distracts Mick, and Steph gives him a nut shot. Carlito now is pounding on Foley in the center of the ring. Carlito lands a huge knee to the nuts of Foley. Now, he takes a bite of an apple and spits it all over the face of someone who doesn’t want to be cool.

King informs us that Triple H will be back in action tonight as he takes on…..Viscera.

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We get another look at what just transpired.

Mick is in the back, and he’s having trouble breathing. Eric Bischoff is here and tells him to suck it up. He tells Mick that he is still the referee for tonight’s main event.

Viscera is already in the ring waiting for the Game.

**It’s Time To Play The Game….**

Weighing in at 265 pounds, Triple H. Ric Flair attacks Triple H from behind. Triple H takes control and throws him into the steel steps. Flair and Trips trading rights now. Referees are out and looking to break up the brawl, but Triple H knocks all of them out. Flair gets loose from the officials and tackles Triple H from behind. Finally, officials separate the two former best friends and pull Triple H up the ramp. Flair climbs into the ring and grabs a microphone and throws it out into the crowd. He grabs another….

Flair: Please, please put me in a cage with that SOB. Please put me in a cage! A cage, a cage, a CAGE! A CAGE! A CAGE!! WOOOO!!

The other choices are one fall to a finish or a submission match.

We’re live out in the parking lot where JBL’s limousine pulls up. And there he is – John Bradshaw Layfield.

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We’re back as JBL and Bischoff are yelling at each other. They show us last week when Edge wrecked the Friday Night Smackdown party delivering a huge spear to Rey Mysterio. Then Chris Masters delivered the Master Lock to Rey. Edge, Lita, and Chris Masters are in the ring.

Edge: JBL – up here. Looks like you finally found your way to the A show huh Cowboy? Why did I spear Rey Mysterio last Friday night on Smackdown instead of you. It’s quite simple. No one cares about JBL. Not me, not even the Smackdown locker room. No one cares. Rey Mysterio’s a bigger star than you. That’s why I brought the Masterpiece with me to slap on the Master Lock when I was through. You might get your chance for revenge. At Taboo Tuesday it’s Raw vs. Smackdown. Myself and the Masterpiece Chris Masters against two of five Smackdown superstars.

Masters: Yes, indeed Edge. In just a few minutes here these people are going to get to choose between five Smackdown superstars. Here are the five options. Option numero uno.

Edge: Look at what we have here. The one Matt Hardy. I didn’t know they could come up with another match to beat him in. Lita could you remind me why Matt is on Smackdown in the first place.

Lita: Because you beat his ass and put him there.

Edge: What about all the people that go on Matt’s little website? What if they go on WWE.com and vote for Matt. Well then – he’ll still finish fourth. Next….

Masters: Whoa – Rey Mysterio. The good news for Rey is that Taboo Tuesday is in San Diego. So if Rey does get voted in it’s going to be a short ride home from the hospital.

Lita: Speaking of short – I just want to congratulate Rey on being the new inspiration behind Smackdown’s midget division.

Edge: Where do I begin? My good ole buddy Christian. I mean – I carried you through the first six years of your career so what’s one more match. I want to congratulate you Christian. I want to congratulate you for being the only person that will get less votes than Matt Hardy.

Masters: Oh – Hardcore Holly. Mister Tough Guy. I’m thinking he’d rather have me in the shower than in the ring. So Bob – I’m sorry to disappoint you, but the Masterpiece don’t swing that way. Next…

Edge: Oh – the last choice is you JBL. The wrestling God. Mr. Smackdown. But isn’t that like calling yourself Mr. Enron or Mr. Hindenburgh.

Masters: Hey JBL – Mr. Suckdown. How about you do me a favor…

JBL: You talk like your mouth has a mouth full of marbles. I’ll say this real slow so you’ll understand. I know you don’t have the guts to come out here and face me. But you Chris – you want to put the Master Lock on Rey Mysterio. How about you try it on someone bigger, monkey boy?

Masters makes his way to the parking lot as Edge tells us it doesn’t matter who gets voted in since he’s a bigger superstar than all five combined. JBL is a has-been. JBL makes a funny joke about Lita as Masters comes into the screen.

JBL says they just fell for the oldest trick in the book.

Rey Mysterio is here!! Missile dropkick to Edge sending him to the outside. Drop toe-hold and 619 to LITA!!! WOOOOHOOO!!

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They show us what happened moments ago as we are back on Raw. And the Taboo Tuesday polls are NOW OPEN!

**Trish’s music hits**

And here is Trish Stratus, Ashley, and Mickie James. And yes, that is the correct spelling. Looks like she will be in action tonight.

**I Ain’t the Lady To Mess With….**

And her opponent tonight, Victoria. Victoria is being led to the ring by Torrie Wilson and Candace Michelle.

Match 2: Mickie James vs. Victoria

At Taboo Tuesday there will be a Diva Battle Royal and you can pick what you want the Divas to wear. Lockup into a face lock by Victoria. Snapmare takeover by Victoria with the face lock still locked on. Knee to the side of the head of Mickie James. James off the rope and Victoria rams a shoulder into James midsection. Sunset flip by James gets 2. Whip by James and she whiffs on a dropkick as Victoria holds on to the ropes. Victoria stomps on the midsection of James a couple times. Forearms and rights by Mickie. And now a chop. Victoria knocks Mickie to the mat and gets a 2 count. Reverse chin lock by Victoria. Mickie works her way out of it. Whip by Victoria into the buckle and she meets the boot. Head scissors by Mickie James. And now a slew of flying forearms. Cover by James gets 2. Whip by James into the turnbuckle. James off the ropes and Torrie grabs her leg. Victoria with a brainbuster suplex attempt, but Mickie rolls her up. Torrie is distracting the ref as Candace rolls Victoria over. And now Ashley distracts the ref and rolls her back over. Referee back in the ring and counts 3.

WINNER: Mickie James (3:33)

All six of the Divas in the ring at once pounding away on each other. Trish, Mickie, and Ashley all stand tall as the other three lay around on the outside.

Don’t forget – John Cena takes on Kurt Angle with Mick Foley as the guest referee. Vince McMahon walks in the back, and he could be on his way to the ring with the big surprise.

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Wrangler Jeans Co. is apparently sponsoring the firing of good ole JR.

**No Chance…..**

And here is the chairman of the WWE, Mr. Vince McMahon!

Vince: You know…I don’t like it when you people second guess the decisions of my family. I don’t like it one bit so when my wife Linda decided to fire JR – by God his ass is fired. And when I decided to honor the Coach who took JR’s place – and quite frankly the Coach is the man. Don’t get me wrong – JR served us well for awhile. I always knew that JR was full of crap. If God wanted to give the United States of America an enema he would stick it right here in Fresno. But enough about the toilet humor. As far as JR is concerned – I always knew he was full of crap and last Tuesday proved it. That’s the subject of the night. (ASSHOLE chants) You see – it is customary that whenever a superstar is injured our cameras are there for the surgery. Same is true last Tuesday when JR had colon surgery. Our cameras were there. Now, the footage we are about to see is a bit graphic in nature. After all, we are talking about a bowel blockage. I mean, they had to take a foot out of JR’s bowels out of his body which probably wasn’t very much when you consider how much JR had in him. You’ve been forewarned – take a look at the footage.

Vince, a big breasted nurse, and another doctor are taking a look at “JR’s” ass. They pull some barbecue sauce, a football, an owl, Mae Young’s other hand, a goldfish, and an OU helmet out of his ass all the while playing recorded JR sayings. Apparently, there is still more up there. And he pulls a Stone Cold figurine out. Vince calls for the Jaws of Life, and he pulls JR’s head out of his ass. Vince says after a successful surgery he needs to relieve the pressure so he bangs the nurse on the operating table.

Vince: Based upon the reaction I got when I walked out here I would suggest to you that JR’s condition is contagious. I would suggest that everyone here in Fresno is the same as JR. I would suggest you all have your head up your ass.

Vince’s music hits and he heads to the back. That sucked.

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We’re back and the world tag team champions, Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch are in the ring. They will take on the two losers of the fan voting for the Triple Threat Match at Taboo Tuesday.

**Stand back there’s a Hurricane coming through**

Rosey looks to be the only one making his way to the ring here. I guess Hurricane turned on Rosey last week.

Match 3: Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch vs. Rosey and Hurricane

Rosey will start with Cade. Rosey goes after Murdoch from behind, but Cade takes advantage and pounds away on Rosey. And Hurricane watches from the top of the ramp now in some business casual clothing. Rosey tells Gregory Helms to come down and join him. Cade back in the ring as Rosey pounds on him. Whip by Rosey and Cade held on to the ropes. Rosey goes after Cade, but Murdoch pulls him out of the way and Rosey takes a spill. Murdoch rolls him back in the ring. Cade lands a big elbow. Tag to Murdoch. Off the ropes goes Rosey. Cade lands a shoulder to the abdomen, and Murdoch follows that up with a knee lift. Murdoch taunts Rosey as his tag partner. Rosey tags in Murdoch so Murdoch pounds on him some more. Tag to Cade. Cade comes off the ropes with an elbow to the head as Murdoch holds Rosey up for him. Rosey fighting back now. Cade off the ropes and he lands a flying shoulder block. Double suplex by Cade and Murdoch. Tag to Murdoch. High-low by Murdoch and Cade. Cover and that’s all.

WINNERS: Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch (3:10)

Helms continues to look on from the top of the ramp. Cena vs. Angle is next.

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The Smackdown Rewind this week is the whole Booker T, Sharmell, and Chris Benoit saga from this past week.

Mick Foley’s music hits and he makes his way down to the ring for his special referee post.

**Kurt Angle’s music hits**

Here is the only Olympic Gold Medalist in WWE history, Kurt Angle.

**John Cena’s music hits**

The CHAMP is HERE!! Your WWE Champion, John Cena.

Match 4: Kurt Angle vs. John Cena – Special Guest Referee: Mick Foley

Lockup into a snapmare by Angle. Face lock by Cena. Cena off the ropes and knocks Angle to the mat with a shoulder block. And another. And Angle slides out of the ring. Angle back in the ring now. Angle locks on a reverse face lock. Cena fighting his way out, but Angle stymies that into a snapmare. Cena works his way up. Angle off the ropes with a shoulder block of his own. Off the ropes again and Cena lands an arm drag. Press slam by Cena. Big elbow is missed as Angle moves out of the way. Irish whip by Angle, ducks his head, and gets the big boot from Cena. Clothesline by Cena sends Angle to the outside.

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We’re back live and Cena is hurting on the outside. Back in the ring and Angle lands a snap suplex. Cover gets 2. Knee lift by Angle. Angle slams Cena’s head into the turnbuckle. Big uppercuts by Angle. Backbreaker by Angle and he only gets one. Leg scissors on Cena by Angle as he tries working on those ribs. Cena fights his way out of it with some rights and lefts to the midsection. Cena off the ropes and he walks into a belly-to-belly suplex by the Olympic champion. Angle whips Cena into the buckle, walks out, and again walks into that belly-to-belly. Two covers by Angle gets two counts each. Angle is pissed off and pushes Foley. Foley pushes back and Cena gets the roll-up count for a close two. Sunset flip by Cena off the ropes gets another two. Cena with a whip is reversed by Angle. Cena off the buckle and Angle lands a German suplex. Cover by Angle gets another 2 count. Angle wraps Cena into a bear hug on the mat. Angle with a quick cover gets another 2. And he locks on the bear hug again. Another roll-up pin gets two. Angle still has that bear hug locked in. Cena works his way up to his feet and releases the inverted bear hug with an elbow to the head. Angle misses a clothesline and Cena nails a DDT! Both men are down. Foley starts the double countdown. He’s counting really fast. It’s up to seven, eight, nine – and both men are up. Angle with a right, Cena with a right, Angle with a right, Cena with a righ. And another by both men. Cena feeling it now knocks him down with a left. Clothesline by Cena. And another. Off the ropes – flying shoulder block. Fisherman suplex by Cena. Cover – 1…2…..NO! Carlito is here! Foley knocks him off the apron and starts pounding on him on the outside. Carlito rams Foley into the steel ring post and now the steps. And a swinging neckbreaker by Carlito on the outside of the ring. Back in the ring, Cena lands a suplex type maneuver. You can’t see me – five knuckle shuffle! Here comes Bischoff with a referee shirt on. Cena going for the F U, but Bischoff pulls him off. Cena is distracted by Bischoff and Angle gets a roll-up for a quick two count. Cena puts his hands on Bischoff. Angle from behind locks on the ANKLE LOCK! Cena won’t tap. Cena working his way to the ropes. He’s almost got it, but Bischoff pulls him away and forces his hand to tap. There’s the bell.

WINNER: Kurt Angle (14:07)

Angle tells Cena he’s beat him three times now. That’s all – see ya’ll next week.