wrestling / TV Reports
411’s WWE RAW Report 12.30.13
Championship Roll Call:
Undisputed WWE World Champion: Randy Orton
US Champion: The Shield’s Dean Ambrose
IC Champion: Big E. Langston
Unified Diva’s Champion: AJ Lee
WWE World Tag Team Champions: Cody Rhodes and Goldust
TONY’s BAAAAACK! Thanks, Byers, for taking over the grueling task that no one else wants to do! It’s the last RAW of the year, and it’s sponsored by Blockbuster! They have an announcement to make shortly!!
And what better way to start the final RAW of 2013 than with CM Punk?! Punk seems excited to be here. the crowd loves him, I love him, you love him! Love all around! Punk is fired up to be here, it’s the end of the year, and he’s excited. 2013 saw a lot of good stuff happen to Punk, but also some bad stuff. There’s ups and downs, but we go to work with a smile on our face. I feel like he gets me. He started off the year as the longest reigning DUB CHAMP of the last 25 years. He went one on one with the Great One. went toe-to-toe with Taker, made and lost some friends, beat said friend with a kendo stick, but he can’t claim that 2013 was CM Punk was his year. He looks at the landscape, and there are three guys who he says can lay claim to the year being theirs; The Shield. IN 2013, they have been unstoppable. Ambrose is US Champ. Reigns and Rollins, former Tag Team Champs. Punk wants to end this right, though. He has a proposition for The Shield and if they are here some time toni—-
Punk gets cut off like John Bobbitt’s member, and here they are…
Ambrose wants Punk to finish his thought. Punk is taken aback by Ambrose’s wet hair and tells them to cool down. The three of them can beat any one man, says Punk, and he’s not taking away anything from any of them as a unit, but when he said Iron sharpens Iron, he wants to fight the best one-on-one, and wants to know which of these three is the best. oooo, Divide and conquer, ey Punk? Ambrose automatically assumes that it’s him and says let’s do this now. Punk says he wasn’t talking to Ambrose…he was talking to Reigns and Rollins; he’s already beaten ambrose half a dozen times. Ambrose takes offense and tries to talk over Punk. Punk tells Reigns to look at him as he holds Ambrose back. ROllins speaks up and says he is the best. Reigns steps in and says Rollins needs to calm his tits. Rollins says no offense, Reigns says not to be steppin up like that. They talk it out….and the crowd cheers for REIGNS!! Whoa!
As The Shield settles down, the squeaky voice of Brad Maddox heads out. He wants to wish everyone a happy New Year. Speaking of wishing, let’s go out in style. Tonight, CM Punk will face Seth Rollins. Weren’t they getting to that anyway? Why was Maddox needed? Well, Rollins vs Punk right now.
Side headlock from Punk, into a shoulder take down. Rollins hops up and lands into a firemans. Punk gets ready for the G2S, but Rollins rolls off out the ring. We are back after a break, as Cole tells us that the match we are seeing…has been confirmed. What a jack ass. Rollins has Punk down in the corner and stomps him a bit. Ambrose talks mucho masa while the ref breaks it up. Whip reversal into the corner, and Punk is able to kick the midsection. Butterfly backbreaker to Rollins. Rollins with a whip to the corner, and he nearly misses a wrap up before recovering and locking on a submission with the ropes!
Rollins lays in with some kicks to the head of Punk. Rollins hops on the back and locks in a camel clutch then a right to the head. Rollins gives Punk a wedgie then drives a forearm to the lower back. Another, as Punk lays on the ropes. Rollins sends him to the ropes, and Punk fires back with an elbow. Whip to the ropes is reversed and Rollins goes stiff, causing a roll up to look pretty bad. Punk is able to lock it in for 1…2..NO! Rollins is up with an elbow then gets a pin for himself for 1…2..NO! Both men up. Rollins runs…right into a boot. Punk hops up on the apron, and Rollins pushes him, sending Punk into the barricade as we get another break.
Back again, and Punk is headbuttin the workrate into Rollins. Whip into the corner, but Rollins side steps and Punk hits the shoulder into the post. Rollins is up on the 2nd turnbuckle….and he misses a leg drop. Punk moves! Punk i up with a kick, a clothesline, an axe handle. Neckbreaker is turned into a fireman’s, but Rollins floats down, only for Punk to lock the arm and sit into a pin for 1…2…NO! Knee to the gut. Punk whips Rollins. Punk goes for the running knee, but Rollins holds on and sends Punk flying back first into the turnbuckle. Pin for 1…2..NO! Rollins is on the attack some more with some right hands. Rollins goes for the Black Out (is that what it’s called) but misses, so turns it into an Enziguri and a pin for 1…2…NO! Rollins mocks Punk and calls for the G2S. That never ends well…Punk is up on the shoulders, sends Rollins into the ropes, and hits a running knee!! Clothesline to Rollins! Punk is up top! He is about to hitr the elbow, but Rollins rolls away. Punk is down, so Rollins drop toe holds Punk into the turnbuckle! Ambrose talks shit. Rollins heads towards the turnbuckle. He hops up top. Punk is up! Kick to the leg, and Rollins gets crotched! Punk looks for a superplex as The Shield watches on! Punk doesn’t get it, as Rollins kicks him off. Crossbody from Rollins, but Punk rolls through and locks on the Anaconda Vice!!! Ambrose runs in and distracts! Punk lets go! Rollins is able to recover, sets up, but Punk reverses, sets up for the AA! Rollins is able to flip over again, and hit himself a swank lookin move and pin for….THE REF IS DISTRACTED BY THE SHIELD!!! Ambrose realizes it and is pissed! He hits the ropes, but Punk sends him over the ropes! The Shield catches Rollins!
Punk looks for a suicide dive, but Rollins hits Punk in the head! Rollins is in the ring, and jumps over the ropes right into a Fireman’s. Go 2 Sleep!! Pin for 1…2….3!!
Official Result: CM Punk
A bit of a sloppy start with a few major mistakes but the final minutes of the match were great!
RATING: ***
Backstage, Maddox, a ref, and Kane’s mask are talking about something or other. In come Steph and Trips. Maddox says that he thinks as the GM, it’s time he took a step forward….and here’s Daniel Bryan! He’s pissed. He will not let 2013 end before he gets his hands on Bray Wyatt. Maddox says how bout Bryan earns it? If he beats Luke Harper, then he will take on Rowan and if he beats Rowan, then he gets Wyatt. Soooooo, Gauntlet match?! Woot woot! Steph says that’s great, but watch how she announces the main event for the Royal Rumble PPV
Stephanie McMahon and her turtleneck are out. She wishes us Happy New Year, and says that this end of the year is a moment of reflection. She wants to know what she would possibly change, and the answer is nothing. Let us celebrate the career of the face of the WWE – Randy Orton. Cue video package of Randy Orton.
We’re back to Steph, as she calls the career of Orton amazing. He deserves every single accolade, but he’s also a fighting champion, and at the Royal Rumble PPV, he will be defending the title in a traditional championship match. One Fall. Victory by pinfall or submission only. Against….
John Cena
And just like Blockbuster…that went out with a whimper of obvious nature.
Steph asks Trips how she did. They flub through lines due to the sexual tension between them. Trips says his announcement is bigger.
Curtis Axel has a mini promo that says nothing. Dolph has one that says marginally more. The following match is brought to you by those with nothing to do. Dolph has pink in his hair that Nymphadora would be proud of.
Kick from Axel then a right hand. Whip to the ropes and Axel misses a right hand. Dolph hops over Axel and hits a dropkick. Whip reversed and Axel sends Dolph over the top rope, rolling to the outside. Axel heads to the outside and sends Dolph backfirst into the apron. Back in the ring for a cover. 1…2..NO! Ziggler kicks out. Axel drops some right forearms to the head of Dolph then rakes the forearm across the face. Axel with a toss then a cover for 1…2..NO! Axel lifts Dolph then locks in a cravat from behind. He sends Dolph to the mat and works the hold on tighter. He gets his Anchorman face on as the crowd chants for Ziggler. Ziggler is up. Dolph is able to send Axel into the second turnbuckle hard with a reversed whip. Dolph is up in the corner for the 10-punch. Neckbreaker in the center of the ring to Axel. Dolph whips Axel which is reversed. Axel misses a clothesline and DOlph hits a crossbody into some righ hands. Dolph goes for the Zig Zag, but Axel holds the ropes. Dolph bounces off, misses another hold, rolls up for a pin for 1…2.reversed into a pin. Dolph goes for a move but Axel reverses into a neckbreaker ending a nice sequence and a pin for 1…2…NO!
Axel attacks on the mat then stands. He slaps Dolph’s head, calling him nothing. Axel stands to gloat and from out of NOWHERE, Dolph hits the Zig Zag!! Pin for 1…2..NO!
Official Result: Dolph Ziggler
Directionless but fun, I suppose
RATING: **
Big E. Langston vs Fandango
BIg Match feel and Summer Rae lookin all kinds of edible. Lockup and Big E overpowers Fandango. Dango sends Big E away from him. Lockup into a side headlock from Fandango again. E with a whip into a tackle and a cover for 1..NO! Big E with the go behind. Belly to back throw into a bridged pin for 1…another for 1. Big E hooks the legs and gets a pin for 1. Nice!
Both men up. Fandango with a kick to the gut and a hard chop to the chest. Big E ain’t phased as Fandango does it agian. Big E with some rights then a whip into the corner. Go with a boot to the face then a spinning heel kick and a pin for 1…2.NO! Go with another chop. Heabutt then a right hand to the face. Another. He hits the ropes, hops over Bg E, hops under Big E and E hits a hard lcothesline. Fandango in the corner and E hits a shoulder tackle then sends Fandango to the corner and hits another! Go on top o the shoulders, but he hops down and flies outside the ring quickly! E follows and sends Fandango to the barricade backfirst after a hard clothesline. E whips Fandango into the ring. Go is up and hits a knee! He heads outside and drops the leg of E onto the apron. He is back in the ring now, and stomps on Big E’s leg. Fandango with a leg drop onto the knee, then locks a side figure four. Big E drops the shoulders and the pin gets a 1 count. Big E tries to get out of the hold, but Fandango is holding it tight. Big E with a right. Another. One more. Big E is up. He’s limping. He runs into the corner and Fandango moves! Shoulder straight into the corner post! Big E rolls to the outside as we go to a break.
WE’RE BACK! Fandango is in control, messin with the left ankle. Droppin knees while Summer looks hotta than a mufucka. Fanny sends Big e to the corner. He hits a clothesline out of it then drops a leg on the ankle, and locks the legs up one more time. Summer Rae looks so hot the camera man gets distracted. Fandango turns Big E on his belly and pulls back the leg then locks in a headlock after. Big E pushes up out of it and stands, while Fandango holds on. Big E backs up in the corner. Fandango runs out of the corner into a clothesline. Another. He locks the belly to belly but Fandango with a headbutt. Fanny heads over the apron, but Big E with a belly-to-belly over the top rope! Big E goes for the Big Splash, but Fandango clips the knee!! Fandango hits a tornado DDT! Pin for 1…2…NO!!! Fandango heads up top quickly. He’s looking for the leg drop! HE HITS IT!!!!!
Big E smartly rolls out of the ring!! Fandango seems upset. He is on the apron. Big E stands. Dropkick from Fandango. Fandango sends Big E back in the ring then kicks high and hard to the chest of Big E from the mat outside. He runs into the ring.
Big E with a bear hug into a belly-to-belly toss over the head!! Clothesline from Big E! He hits the ropes! Big Splash! He connects!! THE STRAPS ARE DOWN!! He goes for The Big Ending! HITS IT! Pin for 1….2…3!!!
Official Result: Big E Langston
Credit to BOTH men. That match was awesome. Quick, impactful, and fun as hell.
RATING: ***1/2
Booker T is here, playas! Out comes an entourage of Total Divas and others. Young has two ladies on his arms like he tryin to fool someone….
Booker says 2013 has given us many memories, but 2014 will be that much better. It will be a new day in the WWE. He wants to give us a memory that will last forever. A New Years Spinarooni. Can you dig it? He is interrupted by……BAD NEWS BARRETT, who RAISES up on a podium! Yes! haha. It’s higher than the stage. He requests some decorum then tells Booka that they will not end the year with a Spinarooni. He’s got some bad news: 2014 is going to bring us one step closer to the apocalypse. He wants to face some facts: all of those on the stage will continue to stab each other in the back. The Universe is going to continue to poison the environment and hold hands out to expect donations when mother nature bites back and takes away homes. He will continue to remind us about it as it goes on.
Backstage, Damien Sandow is with Renee Young. His match coming up is determined by the WWE Universe. All year he has been disrespected, he says. Santa, Tribute to the Troops, the stipulation matches, etc. Tonight, he doesn’t care who his opponent is because if he loses, he quits.
Sandow ducks under a right, and Khali hits a right. He sends Sandow into the corner. HARD CHOP! Whip to the other corner, and another chop. Headbutt from Khali. Sandow finally gets some offense in with a clip of the knee. He drops some elbows on the knee then stomps Khali. Sandow puts the ankle on the ropes then sits on the leg. Pin for 1…2..NO! Sandow locks the leg up and Sandow works the chest now with a knee drop and an elbow. Pin for 1…2..NO! Sandow grabs the left leg to work on it some more. He drops elbows on the shin. Khali with some rights from behind, but Sandow turns and hits some right hands then DDTs the leg. Elbow drop to the left leg. The crowd is uninterested. Sandow drops right hands to the face. Sandow looks for the Elbow of Disdain. Boom. Pin. 1…2..NO! Khali chops the shit out of Sandow from the mat! Ouch! Sandow runs right into a boot. Clothesline from Khali. Another. He calls for the end, but Sandow heads into the corner.
Khali grabs the head from behind and crushes it, but Sandow moves forward, causing Khali to go face first into the top turnbuckle. Sandow with a rollup, but the right shoulder is up. The ref counts for 1…2….3!!
Official Result: Damien Sandow
I do this…so you don’t have to, guys.
RATING: *
Lockup! Brodus overpowers Truth to the mat. Brodus sends TRuth into the corner and hits some rights and lefts. Brodus misses a clothesline and allows Truth to hit some rights. He splits, and Brodus misses a right. Truth runs right into a shoulder tackle! Brodus lifts TRuth and hits a hard right to the chest. Right hand to back of the neck. Truth drops a knee to the back then hits a T-Bone Suplex to Truth! Brody lifts up Truth then sends him into the corner and attacks the back. Whip to the corner from Brodus then he drops his ass on Truth. Truth with the gutwrench. He spins a bit then jumps up. Truth is laid out. Brodus drops a hard elbow and pins for 1…2…NO! Brodus gets Truth in the corner and hits a splash. Another!
Xavier Woods decides to distract. He stands atop the table and calls out Brodus. As he does this, the music of the Funkadactyls hits. Brodus is distracted, and Truth with the finisher. Pin for 1….2…3!!!
Official Result: R-Truth
RATING: *
Brodus is on the ramp and he is pissed.
Triple H is here to make his Blockbuster announcement! He wants to welcome someone back to the WWE….BAAAHHHROOOOOCKKKKK!!! LLLEEEESSSSNNNNAAAAARRRRRR!!! Heyman is with him.
BRock heads into the ring, and Triple H shakes his hand then leaves the ring. Heyman introduces himself. He looks a lil flushed. He says that as we can clearly see, the beast is back. Heyman claims that Brock has authorized Heyman to inform us of his mission statement. He’s not here to settle old scores; he has no old scores. You fight Brock, you lose, then Brock forgets. He is also not here as an instrument of revenge for Heyman. Heyman is a bigger man than anyone else, and has forgiven those who trespass against him. This isn’t about Heyman, it’s about his client. Why is Brock back? It’s simple, really…Brock desires to be the WWE World Heavyweight Champion. Brock’s upper lip is moist. What this means is that the winner of Cena and Orton is then the loser because they will have to face the challenge of the self-proclaimed Number One Contender, Brock Lesnar. Brock with the mic: he doesn’t care if it’s Orton or Cena. There’s no one in this building that can stop Brock, as far as he is concerned. He doesn’t have to win a Royal Rumble match to be deserving enough for a Championship match. He doesn’t have to stand in line for a shot. As far as he’s concerned, the line starts behind him. He dares anyone to try and do something about that.
Heyman says that there’s no one man enough to take Brock up on that dare so they may as well go home. Heyman drops a new T-Shirt slogan and says that Brock will take the title. Heyman is cut off by…..Mark Henry!!!
Ah sookie sookie NAOW!!
Henry removes his shirt at the top of the stage. He’s all bidness. He takes the walk down the ramp lookin all kinds of badass. Henry enters as Brock readies himself. Brock doesn’t even let Henry in the ring, as he hits a knee, sending Henry off the apron. Brock heads to the outside. Henry is there with a right and tosses Brock over the barricade. Brock with a spear right into the barricade, Truckin Henry down and the wall down with him!! Brock stalks Henry, who is staggering on the ground. Lesnar lifts Henry up!!!
F-5!!!!
Heyman stops Brock from any more onslaught and says that Henry got the message. As bad ass as this was, I’m not sure how I feel about it or if it was needed. Crowd?
We’re gonna start with Eva Marie and Kaitlyn. Lockup to start. Kaitlyn with a go behind. Eva Marie with an elbow. She gloats and looks super hot. She turns right into a dropkick. Kaitlyn with a kick then a whip into the corner. Kaitlyn with a back breaker. Pin for 1…2…NO! Kaitlyn with a whip, but Eva kicks Kaitlyn. She goes to tag one of the Bellas, but neither want it. She slaps Cameron in and Cameron whips Kaitlyn to the corner. Fox with a blind tag. Head scissors from Cameron. Back elbow from Cameron then she hits the corner then locks in a head scissors. Alicia sends Cameron down and pins then heads into her corner. Tag to Rosa then a tag to Aksana. Aksana in and locks a submission onto Cameron. Aksana tosses Cameron down and stomps her with some kicks. Aksana with a hard kick to the gut of Cameron. Pin for 1…2..NO! Aksana with another submission from behind. Cameron with a jaw breaker, Quick tag to Nikki qwho hits a drop toe hold. Drop kick to Aksana. Clothesline in the corner. Nikki with the torture rack. All the divas enter the ring and everyone gets all cray cray.
The final two are left in the ring, Aksana and Nikki. Aksana runs into an elbow. Nikki gets up top. Rosa distracts, Aksana trips the arm. Aksana with the bulldog. Pin for 1….2…3!!!
Official Result: Aksana, Rosa Mendes, Kaitlyn, Alicia Fox, Summer Rae
Not bad, I suppose.
RATING: *
Backstage, Maddox, Triple H, and Steph. Maddox says that he’s got the faves of Steph for next week. Trips says, what bout his? Maddox says Woooo a bit too many times.
Bryan misses a lock up and Harper gets him in the corner. Harper misses a few elbows and Bryan backs him up in the corner. Kicks from Bryan in the corner. He gets whipped into the corner but Bryan clips the leg. Bryan kicks the leg then locks it up on the ropes. Dragon screw from Bryan, taking Harper down. He locks the legs and pulls up the man’s head. He looks for the surfboard. He gets halfway there and pulls back with a dragon sleeper as we go to a break. Bryan with some kicks in the corner. He hits some rights. Uppercut from Bryan! Harper with a right hand, knocking Bryan down to the mat. Harper with boot to the face then a hard chop. He hits the kidneys and an uppercut. Bryan tries to fight back with a right hand, but Harper sends him into the corner. Harper kicks Bryan down as Bray watches with glee.
Harper lifts Bryan, but Bryan tries to trip him up. Bryan fails, and Harper chokes up Bryan on the ropes. Gator roll from Harper. Side headlock from Harper, but Bryan is able to fight out of it and hits rights. Harper makes sure he doesn’t get too much offense in and hits a right. Drop Toe Hold to Harper, then Bryan hits a dropkick. He runs….right into a bodyslam into a pin! 1…2…NO!
We’re back after a break, and Harper has a side headlock locked in. What we missed during the break was Harper just tossing Bryan into the wall on the outside. Bryan with someaxe handles, but Harper is able to hit a right hand to the face. Bryan runs up the corner and flips over Harper. Running clothesline. Harper hits the ropes and Bryan pulls the ropes down, sending Harper over the ropes. Suicide Dive to Harper!!! He’s not done! HE DOES ANOTHER!!! Bryan with kicks to the chest. Bryan sends Harper in and heads up top! He flies with the dropkick! KIP UP! Bryan with some kicks! Kicks! KICKS!! Bryan misses a kick, but comes firing back with a kick to the head. Cover for 1…2…NO!! Bryan with kicks in the corner! He sends Harper up and gets ready to Frankenstein, but Harper with a POWERBOMB!!!! Pin for 1…2…..NO!!! Harper lifts Bryan and hits a back elbow then another. Bryan fights back! But it’s short lived as Harper hits a half-nelson over the head suplex. Harper goes to grab Bryan, but
Bryan with the Yes! Lock! Harper is able to get out of it and tosses Bryan away, then hits a big boot!! Harper with some chops and some vicious rights in the corner. He goes for a german but Bryan hops out, hits a KNEE to the face!! Pin for 1…2…3!!!!
Official Result: Daniel Bryan
Fun match!
RATING: ***1/2
Rowan on the attack then sends Bryan to the outside! He heads out as well, and whips Bryan into the steps. Rowan lifts Bryan, sideways and swings him sideways onto the announce table! Ouch! We’re back after a break and Rowan has Bryan’s head in his claws. Bryan breaks it and hits some headbutts. He hits the ropes but Rowan sends him up then down!! Pin for 1…2…NO!! Rowan with the headbutt. He sends Bryan into the corner then sets him up vertically and pounds on his chest. Rowan on the 2nd Rope now.
Fall Away Slam from Rowan! Rowan moves slowly to Bryan. Bryan with a small package. Pin for 1…2….3!!!
Official Result: Erick Rowan
Too short to matter, but storyline purposes are here.
RATING: *1/2
After the match, Rowan attacks Bryan. Harper stops him. Wyatt is up!!!
Wyatt tries to intimidate Bryan in the corner then turns his back as the bell rings. Bryan goes to attack, but in comes the family and….
Official Result: No Contest
RATING: NR
The attack continues afterwards. The Wyatts send in Bryan then take turns splashing then clotheslines him. Wyatt signals for Bryan to be lifted up. Harper and Rowan with a double chokeslam to Bryan. Wyatt is creepy on the mic. He says that this is where the story ends between he and Bryan. He has no mercy left to give. It could have been different and better. He wants Bryan to open his eyes and look at his dismay. Wyatt wants him to open his eyes. Bryan says he’s right….Wyatt wants him to say it again. Bryan says it again. Interesting. Bryan asks for the mic.
Bryan says Wyatt’s right one more time. Bryan says Wyatt was always right. No matter how many matches Bryan won, no matter how loudly the people cheered for him, Wyatt was always right – the machine would never let him win. No matter how loud the chants were. He tells Wyatt “I’m Yours.” He wants to join….The Family. Wyatt spreads his arms, and tells Bryan to crawl. He wants Bryan to crawl up him, and so he does. Bryan is on his knees. Bryan outstretches his arms. Wyatt grabs his head. Kisses it. Sister Abigail!! Wyatt grabs the hand and says “This is forever! This is going to change everything!” The Family grabs Bryan and drags him out of the ring then up the ramp…Bryan is able to stand on his own two feet on the ramp. He nods in agreement as Wyatt holds out his hands. Bryan stops at the top of the ramp, though! Wyatt points to the crowd. He tells Bryan they haven’t gotten him anything. Bryan looks back at the crowd. Back at us. He takes a long, hard look. Bryan bows his head in shame….seethes at the mouth. He stops….the crowd chants for Daniel Bryan. Bryan shakes his head and walks away.
End Show
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