411’s WWE SmackDown Report 07.01.04

WWE Smackdown Review by J. “Yayowonder” Hernandez
July 1, 2004
Taped from Fayetteville, NC and live from my living room.

My name is Yayowonder and I will be recapping WWE SD! tonight for your reading pleasure. I want to thank Slayer for giving me some feedback love. Also if you guys are interested in another take on SD! check back later for the other two members of 411’s SD! Triple Threat: Double M and Eric S.’. Also a big shout out to Scott Fried of the Velocity report, who’s format I borrowed from. I also have a response to an e-mail I received, from before the GAB PPV which I want to share with you. But I’ll post that after the recap. And for Randle, I usually put impact or finishers in bold. It’s not random at all. Now onto the show.

Grades and such
I do not use snowflakes for my ratings, as snowflakes melt. And I hate the snow since I am a Floridian. So we’ll use something everyone understands, I assign grades. Simple, easy, straight-forward. I also assign them on a SD! scale. Meaning I’m not going to rate free TV matches on the same scale as I would PPV matches. I’ll also tell you anything I think that will help explain the grade. Finally I don’t time matches, as I don’t care how long it was (unless it’s with a lady! Bada-bing!), and I don’t think you do either.

Promax
WWE won 5 awards for marketing and TV stuff.

Opening: Angle/JBL
Angle in the back and tells us about how a great American won the title: JBL. The referee Nick Patrick declared Guerrero was champion but he was wrong. Footage from GAB and Kurt declaring JBL the winner. “Lying, cheating, and stealing was never a match for intensity, integrity, and intelligence.” We then cut to the ramp as Kurt introduces our new champion who comes in his limo. JBL makes his way to the ring shaking hands with fans in the crowd and even kisses a baby. The ring is decorated in red, white, and blue regalia and a banner hangs saying “Congratulations JBL”. JBL thanks us and quotes Reagan introducing us to the John Bradshaw Leyfeld era. He promises all of his fans he will become the most popular WWE champion because he knows how America loves a winner. He will shake all our hands but prefers a nod of recognition so he doesn’t get any germs. For those that insist on shaking his hand don’t be offended by the fact he will use hand sanitizer, because our champion can’t get sick. He’ll kiss our babies as long as they don’t smell bade, spit-up or have runny noses. He wants the fans to know him. So they can call him Mr. Bradshaw. Or if they want to be familiar “champ” is okay. And since Reagan was just taken from us and MLK and JFK were taken at such a young age he wants to be our champion. He tries to get a JBL chant but nothing happens. He then let’s us know he will challenge someone tonight to a match because he doesn’t want to rest on his laurels as champion. In a funny bit he keeps repeating “Tonight in…” until a stagehand tells him where he is. He will challenge someone from the back but not Eddie as ordered by Angle. He says Eddie isn’t here because he’s probably knee deep in pills or in the bottom of a Vodka bottle. He’s fallen off the wagon and it pains him because he knows Eddie isn’t man enough to get into the ring shake his hand and congratulate him on his title win. As JBL walks out we are told we will see footage later tonight of Undertaker burying Bearer alive in cement. We also have a #1 contender’s match for the U.S. title scheduled later between Booker T, Renee Dupree, and RVD. Commercials.

RVD v. Renee Dupree v. Booker T, #1 contendership to the U.S. Championship
All three men have their entrances. Dupree is wearing a French flag influenced cape/poncho. RVD takes advantage of both men with punches, until Booker sends him to the corner. Dupree follows through but is sent flying out of the ring. Booker comes in and attacks. Booker gets him against the ropes and whips him. Spinning kick is missed and Booker is sent to the canvas. Standing moonsault. RVD with punches but Booker takes control with his own punch. RVD in the corner getting beat down. Booker T sends RVD opposite corners and tries to ram RVD’s head into the top turnbuckle. RVD blocks it with one leg and gives him a kick. RVD climbs the turnbuckle and gets the single leg kick. Pin attempt is broken up by Dupree. Dupree with kicks to RVD’s back as Booker rolls out. Dupree with punches on RVD. Dupree sends RVD into the corner but RVD blocks on the follow through. Spring board off the middle rope into a kick by RVD on Dupree. RVD tries a spinning hell kick but Dupree ducks. Dupree with a kick and tries for a powerbomb but can’t get RVD up. RVD backbody drops Dupree who then tries to turn it into a sunset flip pin but RVD rolls out and dropkicks him in the face. RVD with the Rolling Thunder but Booker breaks up the pin. Booker on RVD in the corner and Dupree joins in. Booker with the kick, Dupree follows with a choke. Booker with a kick and Dupree gets the knee on him. Dupree picks RVD up and holds him for the Booker kick but RVD ducks out. Booker on the ropes is clotheslined out. RVD dropkicks Dupree which causes him to be tied up. RVD realizes Dupree is tied up in the ropes and RVD runs the ropes and hits a dropkick. Booker comes in with a chair but gets Van Damminated. RVD does the thumbs and goes to the ropes but the ref frees Renee. Renee ducks down and RVD rolls off his back. RVD hot shots Dupree out of the ring. RVD follows up with a flying cross body off the top rope. Commercials.

Match in progress…
Booker with a sideslam on RVD and Dupree hits the flying elbow off the top rope. Booker with pin and it’s broken up by Renee. They start shoving and RVD tries the school boy on Booker. That only gets two as Dupree breaks it up. RVD placed in the corner and it’s more double teaming by Booker and Dupree. Booker with the suplex and Dupree follows with an elbowdrop. Pin by Renee broken up by Booker. Booker throws RVD out and Renee attacks from behind. They start exchanging offense and Booker gets the better of Renee with punches and chops. T whip is reversed and he gets powerslammed. French Tickler is missed. Booker comes over to capitalize but Renee counters with the nut shot. RVD in and goes after Dupree. He is whipped into the corner and goes flying between the top and middle turnbuckles where the chair from earlier was placed. German suplex by Dupree on RVD only gets two. Kick and fisherman suplex by Booker on Dupree only gets two. Dupree with a punch on Booker. Renne hits the ropes but Booker comes back with the spinebuster. Booker spinaroonie and RVD does a spinning kick to drop him. RVD 5* FROG SPLASH on Booker. Dupree tries for the pin on RVD but only gets two as Booker rolls out. Renee picks RVD and gives him punches. A wild right leads to an atomic drop followed by a kick. Another 5* FROG SPLASH by RVD. RVD pin is broken up by Booker T. Booker T covers Dupree. 1-2-3.

Winner: Booker T
Grade: B-
Commentary: They kept it simple for the most part. The heels worked over RVD in unison but made sure the other didn’t get the pin. It was one on one for the most part with the third man being knocked out of the ring. RVD really worked most of the match and brought some good energy. Good not great.

JBL
A stage hand comes to tell JBL the candidates he selected are in the locker room. Commercials.

Luther
Luther is in the back with Lil’ Naitch. They show footage of the Sable/Torrie match. Torrie’s shoulders weren’t down when Charles counted the pin at the GAB. Luther explains to Naitch that Angle demands perfection. He’s been assigned to the rematch and if he screws it up the consequence will be severe.

Locker-room
Booker T and Cena are jawing at each other with Rey, Hardcore, or the Dudley Boyz. JBL interrupts the proceedings and says he has chosen his opponent for tonight. It could be anyone of them but it will be a Dudley. Spike Dudley. Damn… way to ruin the suspense John. Commercials.

Earlier tonight…/b>
RVD getting thrown out of the ring by Booker. Booker then getting the pin on Dupree. Next week Cena v. Booker T for the U.S. Title.

Rey Mysterio, Jr. v. Mordecai
Lock-up and Mordecai overpowers Rey. Punches but Mordecai ends up in the corner as Rey scoots out. Mordecai with a kick and punches to Rey. Whip and Rey slides underneath. Rey tries a drop toe hold but Mordecai stands there like he doesn’t feel a thing and stomps Rey. Mordecai hits the ropes for an elbowdrop but gets nothing but mat. Rey with the dropkick. Rey with punches to Mordecai. Mordecai up and Rey starts working his leg with a kick. Rey tries to whip Mordecai but it’s not happening. Rey sent into the corner. Mordecai follows but no-one’s home. Rey runs the ropes and tries his springboard off the mat move but gets caught. Mordecai has him up in the full nelson. Rey is then dropped head first on the bottom turnbuckle. Mordecai goes outside and stretches Rey out by grabbing his two arms and pulling as Rey’s head is pressed against the ringpost. Mordecai in but pin only gets two. Mordecai keeps on offense with more punches. Mordecai with a submission hold. Rey fights out, whip attempt by Mordecai but Rey kicks him in the head when he ducks down. Rey with a springboard attempt but Mordecai plucks him off the ropes and grabs him and puts him in a hangman choke. Rey kicks him in the back until the hold is released. Rey in the corner and is able to kick Mordecai when he comes in on the attack. Mordecai tries to come in again but gets to taste double boots. Rey off the middle rope with a dropkick. Rey with another kick to Mordecai’s leg. Punches by Rey. Rey runs the ropes, Mordecai whiffs on the clothesline and Rey springboards into a crossbody and gets a two on the pin. Mordecai tries to ram Mysterio into the top turnbuckle but Rey gets out. Another kick to Mordecai’s leg. Springboard DDT by Rey. 6-1-9 by Rey. Rey off the top rope is caught, but Mordecai deposits him back on the rope? Mordecai with the big boot. Mordecai picks up Rey for the crucifix but it gets turned into a huricarana and Rey gets the pin. Up next the Paul Bearer footage from the GAB. Commercials.

Winner: Rey Mysterio, Jr.
Grade: C+
Commentary: Average but this could have been better. Rey tried his best to make Mordecai look good, but the pale rider’s offense didn’t look that impressive tonight. And the way the announcers were going on it looked like they had Rey go over to give Spike some believability for the match with Spike later tonight.

Bearer’s not dead
Instead he has severe internal injuries from drowning in cement and most probably won’t be on SD! again. As Cole was about to send us to the footage Paul Heyman walks out. Heyman let’s us know he is the most impactful important power broker in the WWE. Because he turned Taker against his own feelings about Bearer. He showed Taker to do the right thing at GAB. But even Heyman was surprised when Taker did the right thing. We now go to footage from the GAB. Read the report if you want to know what happened. We’re back live to Heyman laughing at what happened. Now Taker is truly unstoppable because he has no conscious and no restraints. And Taker has no-one to thank but Paul Heyman. As Heyman tells us he plans to collect on Taker gratitude lightining bolts hit the turnbuckles. The gong goes off and Taker is on the SD!tron. Taker agrees that he had a weakness. And he got rid of him. So if he did that to the one person he cared about, imagine what he’s going to do to Heyman. Rest in Peace. Commercials.

Sable v. Torrie
Torrie takes Sable down. She can take me down anytime. Sable tries to run… right into my sheets, but Torrie catches her and throws her back in the ring. Torrie hotshots Sable into the corner. Punches by Torrie. Torrie sent to the corner but springboards onto Sable’s shoulders. Sable throws her out but Torrie lands on the apron. They fight outside but Sable sends Torrie back in. Torrie in the corner and Sable is beating her up. Torrie can beat me anytime. Sable with a hairmare on Torrie. Kicks to Torrie’s back. Torrie choking… on the bottom rope. Sable slams Torrie’s head into the mat. Sable choking… Torrie. Torrie gets a backslide but only gets two. Torrie gets a DDT and the three count. Angle now comes on the SD!tron and says Charles finally officiated a match without incident. But that’s not good enough. He needs to understand how his mistakes affect the SD! superstars. So he will have a match with Luther Reigns later tonight.

Winner: Torrie
Grade: C
Commentary: It was a SD! diva fight. They didn’t blow… any moves. Good enough for me.

Charles Robinson v. Luther Reigns
Charles tries to run. Luther chases and catches him. Knee to Charles’ gut. He throws Charles back in. Luther on the prowl but Charlie Haas comes out and makes the save. Luther vows revenge from the ring.

RAW Rebound
The Eugene/HHH saga continues. Kane/Benoit highlights. We’re reminded Lita is easy if you can beat up Matt Hardy.

Dudley reunion
Bubba and D’Von offer to help Spike beat JBL if he let’s one of them get first dibs for a championship match. Spike says no way Jose and walks away. Bubba and D’Von are upset because neither of their names is Jose. Commercials.

Summerslam commercial
Hahahaha… funny stuff.

Kenzo Suzuki/John Cena
Kenzo has a microphone. Too bad it doesn’t have a built in translator as I don’t know Japanese. He’s pointing at his head. Maybe he has lice. Now he’s laughing. Pointing at his geisha girl. Cena’s music blares and the crowd wakes up. Cena says Kenzo comes out every week angry but no-one understands what he says. He says the crowd only understands basic Japanese: Sushi, Sake, Godzilla, and happy endings. Really good stuff. Cena is fluent in Japanese and he’s going to translate Kenzo’s promo from earlier.

Cena: “Ladies and gentleman I make these ugly horrible faces because I’m constantly constipated, because I’m Kenzo Suzuki.”
“Oh the poo-poo, the poo-poo is horrible because it’s like trying to pass French bread through a keyhole. That’s why I have to be carried to the ring on a toilet. In the United States of America.
“This is my hermaphodie proctologist Hiroki. Maybe we’ll saee the movie White Chicks. She likes to get her face painted white every night.”
“You can catch my horrible Japanese mullet, and you can catch me at your local gay naked beach..” etc.
Now Cena has decided to teach Kenzo some English. “You can’t see me.” Cena walks to the back as Hiroki translates what Cena has been saying. We not cut to the back with JBL shaking hands with the staff as he makes his way to the ring. He sees fuzzy dice on a car and asks who’s car it is. He’s told it’s Eddie’s car and we cut to commercials.

JBL v. Spike Dudley, WWE Championship
Lockup and JBL overpowers Spike into the corner. Clean break and another lock-up. JBL pushes Spike into the corner. Another lock-up and Spike is shoved into the corner. Right by JBL on Spike. Kick by JBL followed by an elbow to his neck. JBL is sent to the mat several times. Punches by JBL. Whip and JBL misses a clothesline. Spike with a dropkick. JBL in the corner and Spike gives him the stomps. JBL with the big boot. JBL throws Spike out. Spike sent into the barricade. JBL stands him up and gives him a nice loud chop. JBL rolls Spike in but Spike rolls right back out. Another elbow to the neck and Spike is sent into the steps outside. Spike rolled into the ring and JBL gives him a headbutt. JBL picks up Spike across his shoulders and racks him. Spike gets down but is shoulderblocked to the mat. Elbow by Spike, followed by another. Elbow to JBL’s head and a running shoulder. Spike climbs up JBL and gives him the 10 punches. JBL proceeds to spinebust him. JBL picks up Spike and puts him in the corner. Whipped cross corner and JBL follows with a clothesline. Clothesline missed and Spike hits the double fist to the gut. Spike with the Dudley Dog. 1-2 and JBL kicks out. Spike tries to follow up off the ropes and another spinebuster. Clothesline by JBL. Another stiff clothesline by JBL. Powerbomb and the pin for the win. Viva la raza emanates from my TV as Eddie walks out. Eddie makes his way down to the ring and exchanges punches with JBL. Kick to JBL’s nuts and a DDT. Eddie climbs the ropes but JBL rolls out and starts to climb into his limo. Eddie tells him to take it easy and to enjoy his reigns as long as he can. Because way before Kurt became GM, Eddie put a re-match clause in his contract when he became champion. And Eddie gets to choose the type of match he wants. So two weeks from now on SD! we have a steel cage match for the WWE Title!

Winner: JBL
Grade: C
Commentary: JBL should have destroyed Spike to put himself over. Spike had way to much offense. For a person who just became champ and really needs as much heat as he can get since he’ll be losing the belt soon, this should have been a squash.

Overall grade: C+
The sportz entertainment was alittle too high today but nothing horrible (Luther/Naitch, Kenzo/Cena, JBL, etc.) The match quality was a little down but that will get better guaranteed over the next two weeks. Cena/Booker next week and JBL/Eddie a week after that in a cage sounds good to me.

E-mails
I got an e-mail from Mr1320here telling me he was a long, longtime wrestling fan, and he was starting to get jaded about SD! I sent back the following 10 reasons SD! still has the goodness. Keep in mind I had read JBL was my new champion, but I’m not going to say it’s good or bad until I se how it affects SD! Please read and flame where appropriate:

1. The Undertaker/Paul Heyman angle – Since Undertaker has come back as the “Deadman” his character has had no direction and has really only come out for the cheap pop. Now with Heyman in the mix one of the most important/popular character’s in WWE history finally has something meaningful to do. And once he turns fully heel (which was at GAB), we’ll hopefully see the depth’s to which Taker can go as a heel.

2. Kurt Angle/John Cena angle – Although the logical choice for an angle would be Angle/Guerrero, the WWE is thinking ahead. They know they have that angle already set-up so they have set-up another under-current angle for Kurt’s return in John Cena. The elevation of Cena to the main event is coming soon. Beyond the angle although Cena’s character isn’t perfect it’s still entertaining. I wish he could be edgier but I doubt that will happen with the FCC’s recent crackdown (which is when the quality of his promo’s started to go down). I also wish he would stop pandering to the crowd so much, but neither of these things is so horrible that I can’t enjoy him. His match quality has actually been pretty good recently if you like the brawling style. As for his finisher I think it’s good because above all else it differentiates himself from all the other wrestlers.

3. Eddie Guerrero – Do I really need to explain this? Great matches all around. Although many hate this current angle with JBL, it really hasn’t been as horrible as people say. It’s been logical (JBL hates Eddie because “he lies, he cheats, he steals”. JBL thinks all Mexicans do this since they come into the country illegally. JBL begins railing against all Mexicans. Eddie beats JBL by cheating.). The one thing I would say is maybe this angle has run a little long, and should be wrapped up. And on top of all I’ve mentioned, Kurt’s decision yesterday only add’s to the undercurrent of his feud with Eddie.

4. Chavo Guerrero, Jr. – How can you not like Chavo, Jr.? The mess with Jacqueline aside Chavo and Rey have carried the Cruiserweight division on their backs. Chavo has the look, the matches, and promo ability to carry this division for a long, long time. Too bad Classic left because he was hysterical (although they could have left him out of the matches, as far as I’m concerned).

5. Renee Dupree – Although his matches are still average to good his character is great. The French Tickler, Fifi, and his interview segment were all good touches. Once they give him a microphone and let him loose we can really see Dupree make leaps and bounds.

6. Booker T – He’s been on TV regularly and actually has had something to do for the first time since Goldust left/WM last year. His SD! “hate” campaign was something we hadn’t heard before 500 times and gave SD! fans a good reason to boo him. His matches have been average to good, but this is a good thing as almost no-one’s “good” all the time.

7. Rey Mysterio, Jr. – Good to great matches whenever he’s out there. The only thing more we can ask is that they give him a meaningful angle for the first time in a while. Another cruiser with the look, and to an extent the promo skills, he just needs something to do beyond the Cruiserweight Title.

8. Rico/Charlie Haas – SD!’s favorite odd couple was quite entertaining in their run as Tag Team champions. Haas’ straight man (no pun intended) to Rico’s comedy act made the team click. The fact that behind the mascara Rico could pull off his unique wrestling moves helped make this a team you could believe as champions. Of course with Rico injured it will be a while before we can see the Mega-Powers of the new millenium break-up, but I’m sure it will still be good. Of course let’s not forget Jackie is nothing to sneeze at :hubba-hubba:.

9. New heels – Although their characters are still developing, in the last three months SD! has introduced us to three new mid-card heels.
*Mordecai has an awesome character to build upon, and Cole’s “Pale Rider” nick-name is really catchy. His offense looks pretty good thus far, but he’s going to have to bring his A game against wrestlers who aren’t cruisers.
*Luther Reigns looks like a Brock Lesnar clone. He has an impressive physique and an intimidating look. At this point we’ve only seen a few matches so we don’t know how well rounded he is, but from what I’ve seen he looks pretty formidable. His character needs to get out under from Kurt Angle’s shadow to give him more personality.
*Kenzo Suzuki is the heel who’s debuted that I am dissappointed in. He came in with a lot of fanfare just like Mordecai, but hasn’t really done anything to differentiate himself in my opinion. His moveset is standard beyond his Mongolian claw and Judo toss finisher (which they really need to re-name). His entrance is good, but won’t last forever. And although Hiroki is now getting more involved (helping his character development), he really needs to do more than prance and yell while making funny faces to make his character better.

10. Me. I’m not sure about you, but for a while I became a very jaded wrestling fan because of the mob mentality. No matter what the WWE put on my screen the internet said was bad, so I agreed with the mob. But the week of WMXX, I decided not to spoil the PPV for myself, and didn’t go to any wrestling site. I had an epiphany, it wasn’t that everything the WWE was putting on was bad, it was that I had been given Scott Keith’s Kool-Aid and drank the entire pitcher. That’s why when I saw there was an opening for SD! recapper because it was so horrible no-one would recap it, I volunteered. SD! is not horrible. SD! is not awesome. SD! is a show filled with goodness that has some flaws (much like anything you like/want in life). So if you want a view of what really has happened on the show without the Kool-Aid, give me a read.

-Yayo

E-mail me at [email protected] or AIM me the same with feedback or words of love. You can also go here for more me. I know you want it.