wrestling / TV Reports
Acero’s AEW Dynamite Review 3.30.22
Image Credit: AEW
Loading...Y’all, I jumped out of a fucking plane!
Startin off hot with CM PUNK!!!
Max and Anthony are here, and Max gets some heaters in. Like damn. Lol. He brings up Will Smith and says Punk hits more rocks than Hunter Biden.
Match 1: CM Punk vs Max Caster
Caster works the arm, Punk shoots the legs and drops an elbow. Max tangles himself in the ropes. Max corners Punk for the four count, then hits a nkee. Right hand to the face. Max tangles up in the ropes again and the crowd boos. Knuckel lock, and he works the wrist. Punk with a surprise tackle and a pin for 1..NO! Max shoots Punk into the ropes, misses a back elbow, Punk goes for a crossbody, but Max catches him and hits a backbreaker. Nice. Max dives the knees into the back of Punk. Max whips Punk into the corner, chest first. Max and Anthony scissor. Another whip sends Punk up and over the ropes, he runs to the top rope and dives off with. Hit to the forehead. Inverted atomic drop, locks the head, snap suplex from Punk. Toss into the corner, Punk misses a knee, kick to the gut by Max, he hooks the leg, goes for a fisherman but Punk reveres and gets Max to his shoulders. Back fist from Max! He locks the head, Fisherman Buster! Cover for 1..2.NO!!! Max to the top rope. Punk with a chop. Another, a head scissors sends Max off the top rope to the mat. Punk up, rushes the corner, running high knee. Bulldog! Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Punk to the apron, he tries to springboard, but Anthony is there to grab his foot!!!! Max to the top rope! FROM COAST TO COAST DAMN NEAR!!! COVER! 1…2…NO!!!! Max to the top rope again! He dives far for an elbow, but Punk moves!
Punk with a kick, tries for a piledriver, can’t quite get it, then does! Anaconda Vice!!! Max taps!!!
Winner: Max Caster
A nice little sprint that left both men looking good. I especially LOVED commentary mentioning how Max needs to learn how to counter better if he wants to go with the big guys because it acknowledges his greenness while still highlighting the fact that he’s leaps above where he should be.
Total Rating: **
Match Time: 6:49
Tony enters the ring to ask Punk what he meant mentioning for the title. He asks the crowd what it means. There are a few things he doesn’t know: One, he doesn’t know who will be the champion in a few weeks’ time, either Cole or Page. He does know this, though, there’s a lot of grey in his beard, but before his time is over, there will be a lot more grey, a lot more scars, and the last thing he knows, before his time, he will be World’s Champion.
Backstage, MJF and FTR are backstage. Sterling is putting up photos of Wardlow. MJF says Wardlow no longer exists in this universe. What does is FTR, vs Billy’s Kids. Next week, Spears faces Dean. The Pinnacle is moving up. Dax tells MJF that they are friends, but Wardlow is a friend, too. They don’t want to get in the middle of it. MJF calls them family, and says Wardlow used to talk shit about them all the time. ALL THE TIME. The Pinnacle is about winning. Cash and Dax, hesitantly, put their hands in.
The photo of Wardlow is a SECURITY ALERT banning Wardlow from the premises.
Match 2: Jon Moxley vs Jay Lethal
Jay extends his hand for a shake, but Moxley slaps it away. Jay with a go behind, Jon misses a back elbow, another and Jay works the left arm. Jon sends him to the outside hard, and Jay lands on his feet. He enters th ring, and Jon leaves it.
Back in the ring, and Jon takes Jay down hard with a headlock. Jay to his knees, Jon with another takedown, Jay with a leg scissors, Jon escapes, side headlock takedown again, and Jay with another head scissors. Jon up, another head scissors, Jay escapes, shoots the legs, goes for a Figure Four, Jon kicks him, so he tries for the other leg, goes back and forth, Jon kicks Jay out of he ring, Jon follows and Jay rolls back into the ring. Jon enters and holds his hands behind his back. He slaps Jay. Jay is pissed. Jon offers a fee shot. Jay with a forearm, Jon hits one, they go back and forth, Jon wins, beatin Jay down to one knee. Jon with a chop, whip, ducks and Jay kicks, then hits a shoulder tackle, but Jon stays standing and hits one of his own. German rolls Jay into the corner, so Jon hits a hard clothesline. Jon beats down Jay in the corner. Jay kicks him away to the outside. Jay hits the ropes, dives, and Jon is driven into the barricade.
Back, and Jon hits a hard chop. Jay gets some of his own, hits the ropes, dives into the air, and we get a double cross-body! Jon up, hits a hard clothesline in the corner, Jay blocks a second, but Jon hits one hard, flipping Jay in the air! Jay up! Jon with an STO. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Jay struggles to stay standing as he hits the apron. He heads to the top rope. Jon is laid out below, but stands up and Jay shows frustration, hops off, stands, kick to Jon, Jon kicks, Parad-NO! Elbow strike from Jon! He tries for another Paradigm Shift, but Jon’s knee goes out, Jay hits a knee, Jay goes for Lethal Injection, but hops into a Sleeper! Jay flips backwards into a pin for 1..2…NO!!! Kick! Enziguri!!!! Jay locks the head, brainbuster!!!! Jay to the top rope! Elbow drop!!! Cover! 1….2……NO!!!!
JON BARELY KICKS OUT! Jay grabs the boot, frustrated, goes for a Figure Four, Jon hooks the leg, cradle! 1..2…NO!!! Pops up! Paradigm Shift! 1..2….3!!!
Winner: Jon Moxley
HOLLYYYY SHIIIITTTTTT! SO MUCH GOOD STUFF HERE! First, we get Jay wanting a respectful wrestling match and Jon basically sayin, “Nah, homie, I’mma beat that ass.” Then we get Jay just getting pissed that he’s getting out-muscled. Trying to meet tit for tat, and Jon just being better. They went out to assure that this was not a squash, and I think it worked.
Total Rating: ***1/2
Match Time: 10:58
We get a video package for Maria Shafir and all of her ass kicking on Dark.
Bro….FTR is next?! Can I at least get a smoke break? Gawd damn…
Match 3: FTR vs The Gunn Club
MJF is on commentary. Dax and his Just For Men beard start with Left Cheek. Right Cheek gets a quick tag and Dax awaits the lockup as the crowd chants ASSHOLE. Lockup and Hammer lock to Dax. Dax reverses, a drop toe hold from Austin drops Dax. He steps over Dax, then humps the air. Tag to Cash. Lockup from behind, Fireman takeover from Cash, as he holds onto the arm. Cash gets cornered. Whip to the corner, Cash dives over, hits the ropes, ducks under a punch, drops, deeeeep arm drag, another. Dropkick from Cash. He chops the tits off of Colton then tags in Dash. Drop toe hold and a dropkick combo and a pin for 1….NO!!!
Cash is outside, and Billy Gunn comes out of nowhere to hit Cash hard in the face. Aubrey doesn’t see it, and The Gunn boys take advantage. They beat down Cash then send him into the ring, and get a tag.
We are back and Cash hits a nice looking back suplex on Austin. Tag to Colton, and he runs in to stop a pin and corner Cash. Hard right, then a few kicks in the corner. Splash from Colton, dropkick to Cash. Cover for 1..2.NO!!! Colton misses a splash, but Austin gets a tag. He misses a hit on Dax, an uppercut on Cash, and Dax gets a tag. He beats a whole lotta ass, attacking both boys. Whip to Colton, misses a clothesline, but Dax hits a leg lariat. Whip to Austin, reverse, clothesline and a cover for 1..2…NO!!!! Dax get dropped, Colton on the outside. He holds the foot down. Cover! 1..2….NO!!!!
Wardlow is shown walking through the arena! He powerbombs security onto a table that does NOT break. Wardlow is heading through the crowd. Crowd is hyped as he walks own the steps! He gives a right hand to some staff, then a bunch of security come by to hold him back as MJF yells from the booth, calling him a greedy pig, telling him to get out of his arena.
In the ring, Austin nearly attacks his brother, Dax rolls up, Billy is on the apron, Dax tries for a sunset flip, Billy holds the arms, Cash dives over both and attack Billy. BIG RIG! 1…2….3!!!
Winners: FTR
About as good as you’re gonna get from The Gunn Club. The good news is, the Ass Boys will learn a lot from FTR, but on the other, being in the ring with them really shows just how many ticks below they are of FTR.
Total Rating: **
Match Time: 11:24
MJF goes down to the ring to congratulate the boys, but Dax and Cash are upset, telling MJF that Wardlow is their boy, too. The crowd chant for FTR, and Dax shows slight confusion at the cheers.
JAS is backstage, and say that they’ve been the biggest force for the last three weeks. He’s had people from all over the world wanting to be a part of the JAS, but it wont happen. There is only 5, and if anyone wants to join, GFY.
Garcia talks about the pro-wrestlers that went against these sports-entertainers. They took out Silver and Reynolds. Nothing behind the curtain, we learn. No Santana, Ortiz, or Kingston.
Hager wants us to get it through their heads. They are not here and not coming back. Hager opens some curtains, and there is Santana, Ortiz, and Kingston. Ortiz has a sock full of batteries (I assume batteries, because why not). Kingston takes Jericho to the outside areana. Kingston drags him through the side of the stage, as everyone else fights towards the ring as well.
All of JAS end up overpowering Kingston and Co. Hager drops Ortiz in the middle of the ring hard. Garcia locks in a sharpshooter to Kingston, and Jericho grabs his bat and attacks the back of Kingston! Hager and Garcia hold up Kingston. Jericho has his belt. He smacks Kingston in the back hard. Parker and Lee hold back Santana and Ortiz as Jericho continues the beatdown of Kingston with the belt.
Backstage, Jade is with her homie Sterling. They have decided their opponent. They had two options, and Sterling went with Leva Bates. Leva comes in, Jade tells her to leave, and Sterling says ok Number Two will be Shafir.
Back to the ring, and Bryan Danielson is comin out!
Match 4: Wheeler Yuta vs Bryan Danielson
Lockup and Bryan takes advantage as William Regal talks on commentary about liking Wheeler. Kick from Bryan, Wheeler works the arm, Bryan reverses, Wheeler drops him, Bryan reverses, gets him down and Wheeler bridges. Bryan hops on top of him and drives some knees down. Wheeler with a monkey flip, Bryan keeps the finger lock on, uses his legs to try for an armbreaker, but Wheeler gets to the ropes. Bryan breaks the hold and stands. Bryan with a HUGE slap! Shoulder tackle. Bryan with an uppercut to Yuta. Kicks in the corner. Bryan hits the corner, rushes, and Wheeler hits a dropkick!!!! Elbow strikes from Wheeler!! He locks the legs of Bryan, and tries to drive some punches in, but Yuta bridges to lock in the hold. Bryan is able to break it, head to the top rope, and dive off with an elbow.
We are back and Bryan is chopping the Yuta off of Wheeler. Wheeler is not backing down! He matches the chops, but cant take the uppercuts! He tries for a backslide instead, and misses a clothesline, but Bryan with a rolling elbow!!! Yuta flies BACK AND HITS A GERMAN!!!!! 1…2…NO!!!! He keeps the waistlock! Bryan breaks the hold, reveres the waist lock, Yuta drops to his ass, but Bryan kicks the back, double underhooks and hits a suplex! Pin for 1..2…NO!!!! Bryan locks the arm behind the leg, pulls back on the head, opens the chest, and hits some hard elbows to the side of the face. He drives them into the blood beaded chest! Bryan locks up from behind, tries for Cattle Mutilation, but Yuta reverses and hits some elbow drives into the chest just like Bryan!!!! He goes for a seatbelt rollup!!!! 1…2….NO!!! I don’t think I’ve seen that before. Yuta gets Bryan on shoulders. Bryan escapes. Hits the corner.
BRYAN WITH THE KNEE!!! Bryan kicks his head in, then locks Wheeler’s face up and pulls back on it until he passes out. Ref calls for the match to end.
Winner: Bryan Danielson
Good. Lord! “This beating is going to teach him a lot about this industry.” – William Regal
Total Rating: ***1/2
Match Time: 10:08
Darby v Andrade video package.
Adam Cole and ReDragon head out. Cole has his name taped over the title’s nameplates. Lol.
Cole says that you cant steal something that belongs to you. AEW needs a new era, a new crew, and they’ve got the three best pro-wrestlers on the planet right here. KOR and Fish hear a lot of haters. They don’t have enough wins? They aren’t ranked high enough?
Hangman’s music hits, and Cole says he isn’t here, why is this music playing?
But a tesla with horns on it rolls through, and it’s Hangman! He drove right up to the ring! Lol.
Hangman enters and attacks Fish, Cole, and KOR. Whip to Cole, Cole holds the ropes, Page sends KOR out of the ring, hits a kick to Fish, right hand to KOR! He catches Cole and hits a Fallaway Slam! Hangman to the apron! Wants a Buck Shot but KOR and Fish pull Cole out of the ring!
LUCHA AND JUNGLE BOY ARE HERE!!! They attack, sending them all back in the ring. Chokeslam to Fish. Superkick to KOR! Christian rolls Cole into the ring, Page foes for a Buck Shot, but Cole ducks and gets sent over the top rope onto his friends!
Page, Lucha, and JB grab their respective titles.
Thunder Rosa is out again, and hopefully she gets a little more love this time around.
She is the first ever Mexican Born Wrestler to accomplish what she has, and it happened in AEW. She told everyone she would put women’s wrestling back on the map. She fought and climbed to the top. She doesn’t want to just be the face. She wants to be the face of all women’s wrestling. She is tired of bullies. Pillars get knocked down. Foundations remain standing. She will be a foundation. So whoever wants to get at her, come and get her. She is ready.
As for Nyla, she got the message last week, but she wants to invite her to use her grown words, or does she need Vickie to dumb things down?
FTR is further backstage, and says they are going for the titles. They came ot build their reputation, not lose it. They love pro wrestling way too much to be second place. Dax issues the challenge to The Young Bucks. FTR v Young Bucks II. Do you accept?
TONI FREAKING STORM IS ON AEW!!!!!!!!
Match 5: Toni Storm vs Bunny
Bunny starts with the crazy, attacking against the ropes and whipping. Toni with an elbow strike. Suplex and a cover for 1…NO!!! Toni works the arm of Bunny, sits atop the arm, and drops her ass on it. She grabs Bunny, works the arm, high knee to the chest of Bunny. Whip is reversed, Toni sends Bunny to the outside on the apron, misses a shoulder, Bunny with a knee to the chest. She drops Toni to the outside!
We are back, and both girls are in the ring. Ref starts the count, and Bunny and Toni trade right hands. Slap from Bunny, Toni with a ight, another, another, knee from Bunny. Neither girl dropping. Back rake from Bunny. Toniwith a strike, Toni drops Bunny. Kick from Bunny is blocked and Toni hits a headbutt. Toni rushes the corner with a big butt splash, hits the ropes, huge kcik to the gut, Toni locks the leg, Fisherman’s Suplex. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Bunny sends Toni into the ropes, Bunny with a fireman’s, Death Valley Driver. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Bunny hits the ropes, Toni locks up from behind, Buny holds onto the ropes, Toni won’t let go, pulls back, Bunny breaks it with a back elbow, kick to the chin, Toni eats it, so Bunny hits her with another one. Cover for 1..2…NO!!!!
Bunny freaks out. Bunny tries to finish it, but Toni hits a German! Lockup into a piledriver finisher and a pin for 1..2…3!!!
Winner: Toni Storm
Welcome to AEW, girl!
Total Rating: **
Match Time: 8:14
Toni looks incredibly happy and full of emotion to be here.
Backstage, Toni is with Nyla and Vickie. Vickie says that the only thing Thunder said that caught her attention was that she insulted their intelligence. Nyla says she is the foundation, the cornerstone, since Day One, and she refuses to be a footnote. She will cement her legacy with Thunder’s blood. Thunder has a death wish, and Nyla will be her genie. Abracadabra bitch.
Andrade and Darby start the ass kickery outside the ring. Darby sends Andrade into the steps, then grabs his skateboard and drops on the back of Andrade!!!! Lol. Darby hops onto the shoulders of Andrade.
Match 6: Andrade vs Darby Allin
The bell finally rings and we start proper. Andrade takes full control as we head to break.
We are back and Andrade still has control, kicking Darby in the mid section. Andrade goes for a Razor’s Edge, but Darby hops out and hits a surprise Code Red! Cover for 1..2…NO!!! Darby and Andrade up. They go back and forth, slapping the SHIT out of one another. Like seriously, they do not stop. Finally, they clock each other hard. Both men down. Ref gets to 6 before Andrade stands up. He removes his belt, looking to beat that ass. Ref takes the belt away, and Darby removes HIS belt! He trips Andrade up, then hits a stunner! Rollup for 1..2…NO!!!! Darby rushes the corner, Andrade catches him, STO! Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Andrade sits Darby on the top rope. Chop to the chest. Andrade heads to the top. Darby is able to sit on the shoulders and hits a Crucifix Bomb off the top rope!!! He goes directly for an arm bar!!!
Jose is running down the ramp, but Sting is there to stop him!!!
Darby continues the arm bar, but here come Butcher and Blade!!! Darby releasese the hold as they attack Sting.
Darby to the top rope. He dives off onto both men!!!! Andrade sends Darby into the buckles! He locks the arms! El Idolo! Pin for 1..2…..3!!!!
Winner: Andrade El Idolo
Andrade getting the win was a nice surprise, as he could definitely use it. Darby being distracted is in line with his character, and this was a nice way to cap off another amazing episode.
Total Rating: ***
Match Time: 10:25
Butcher and Blade attack Sting after the bell. Here come Private Party to help with the attack.
The Hardys’ hits and out they come! Matt has a chair. Jeff rolls Quen into the ring. Kick to Quen, Twist of Fate to Quen! Jeff to the top rope! Swanton Bomb and the crowd LOVES IT! Damn, he dropped his ass on that one.
End Show
