wrestling / TV Reports
Acero’s AEW Dynamite Review 12.1.21
Image Credit: AEW
Loading...Hello everyone, it is me, the man who eliminates last names from WWE Superstars, and I’m ready for another night of Dynamite!
Commentary wishes JR well as they run down the card.
Hangman comes out to join commentary as your resident cowboy.
Bryan is out after, and he’s in action, next!
Match 1: Bryan Danielson vs Alan “5” Angels
LOCKUP!!! Bryan with. Hammerlock, shoots the leg, half Boston Crab! Angels gets the ropes and the ref breaks the hold. They lock fingers, Angels turns Bryan into the corner. Kicks to the leg! Punches in the corner! He stops at 5, which is a great touch. Chop to Bryan. Bryan with a hell of an uppercut! Beyan kicks Angels into the corner. Angels pulls himself up. Bryan hooks the head, chops the shit out of Angels. A kick to the chest. Another chop. Kick. Chop. Bryn pulls Angle out of the corner, winds up for a punch, but Angels with a surrpirse backslide!!! 1…2…N!O!! Chops from Alan. Another, shoved, ducks a right, hits one of his own, Bryan blocks, double underhook! SUPLEX!!! Into a submission! Angels gets to the ropes and the crowd loves it! Alan to the apron. Bryan tries to suplex him, but Alan hits a knee, shotgun dropkick off the rope! Bryan to the outside! Angels kips up to a huge pop! Suicide dive from Angels! He heads to the 2nd rope! Moonsault!!
In the ring, Spanish Fly to Bryan! Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Angels to the top! Another moonsault attempt, but Bryan moves out of the way!!! Bryan with a running Knee! Bryan doesn’t cover! KNEE BAR!!! Angels taps!
Winner: Bryan Danielson
Oh what fun it is to ride in a Bryan Danielson win!
Total Rating: **1/2
Match Time: 6:13
Tony heads to the ring to talk to Bryan, who gets some major boos. He says if 5 is the best that Atlanta’s got, he just whooped his ass. Not only did he kick his head in, he’s pretty sure he snapped his MCL, not that we know what that means.
Last week, he knocked out Colt’s tooth, this week, he tore Alan’s MCL. Next week, he hears there’s a Dark Order member from Long Island, and he’ll stomp his head in, too. Then, in two weeks, in Dallas, TX, home of the Cowboys, that is where he takes the title. He calls Page a one-hit wonder, he will prove that it’s coward shit.
Page is tired of it. He leaves the booth, well…he’s about to, but Silver comes out with a mic, says Page can’t touch Bryan tonight, but he can! And that’s what he’s going to do!!!
Silver runs down the ramp, charges the ring, but Bryan leaves the ring! Lol.
Bryan will not share the ring with this joke. He’s beneath Bryan, just like Page is. Bryan confirms that Khan said they cant touch, or he will be suspsended. Bryan would love to slap him in the face in front of everyone. But the jerks in the crowd don’t deserve to see it.
Psycho Miro promo.
After Lee and Punk make their entrance, MJF comes out suited up in an ode to Hannukah. MJF starts on commentary with some fire, saying Punk has been binge drinking. Lol.
Match 2: Lee Moriarity vs CM Punk
LOCKUP to start! Lee works the arm. CM reverses. Lee spins into the hold, works the arm, hammer lock, side headlock takedown, legs cissors from lee. He tries to lock the fingers. Punk slides into a headlock. Lee works the arm as MJF calls this sad. Snapmare from Lee into a crucifix pin for 1…NO! Arm drag from Lee. MJF continues to talk about how this is a sad display of wrestling. Punk sends Lee against the ropes, shouder tackle from Lee, cover for 1…..NO! Arm drag from Lee. Punk with a diving clothesline from the top rope takes us to the PIP.
Wea re back and Lee kicks the left arm of Punk hard. Punk to the apron, climns back in, Lee hits a clothesline, hits a boot to the face. Lee with an uppercut in the corner .Whip to Punk, reversed, Lee trips Punk up, kicks the arm, Saito Suplex to Punk! Cover for 1..2…NO!!! Crossbody off the top. Rope! Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Lee with a Crossface!!!! Punk stands, sits Lee on the top rope. Punk with a palm strike to the face. Punk hops to the top, locks the head, hurricanrana, Lee rolls through into a pin for 1..2.>NO!!!! Punk stacks him for 1..2…NO!!! Lee moves forward for a 1..2…NO!!!! Another reverse for 1..2..NO!!! Roundhouse from Punk! We are in the center of the ring, Punk blows a kiss, looking to finish, but Lee revereses and hits a HUGE short-arm clothesline! Running boot!
Double underhook into a suplex and a pin for 1..2….NO!!!! Lee grabs the head, hooks, sets up, suple—no!!! Punk reverses, flips Lee onto his shoulders! G2S!!!!!
Winner: CM Punk
A great showing for Lee, who went out to do his thing. Punk, admittedly, looked just a biiiiit outmatched in the offset, but I do love the added touch of MJF sowing doubt.
Total Rating: **1/2
Match Time:10:20
MJF cuts Punk’s music, tells Punk hey, good to see ya, and brings up the disappointment from last week. MJF is proud of Punk; it takes a lot of balls to come out, claim to be the best, when he is struggling to beat the likes of QT and Lee. MJF says Punk is only the best at trying to get in Britt Baker’s pants. What’s wrong, Punk, he looks unamused – which is what Britt would look like if he had her in the bathroom. He ain’t CM Punk. He’s One Punk Chump.
Punk’s got something to say.
He says MJF has a lot of nerve talkin about pants when he’s clearly wearing Larry David’s pajamas. MJF can talk all he wants about Punk’s struggles, but the fact is QT and Lee are both better than MJF, and he knows it. He tells MJF to shut up. He tells MJF to bring his little needle-dick in the ring right now and he’ll kick his ass all the way back to Long Island.
Needle-dick chant.
MJF tells the crowd too bad. He tells PG Punk that MJF needs Punk more than he needs Punk. He is a spark to a flame Punk hasn’t had since 2011. Don’t worry, though, because he’ll show Punk what a real pro looks like next week when he wins the Dynamite Diamond Battle Royal in Long Island, where he will be amongst fans who he loves and appreciates.
He will be better than Piper in Portland, Bret in Canada, and better than CM Punk in Chicago. Laugh all you want, dipshit, because he will be amongst a sea of people chanting his name at the top of their lungs.
He says Punk that he knows he brought Larry, and if he was Punk, he wouldn’t bring that flea-infested dog around anymore, because if he doesn, he’ll put Larry to sleep.
Come on, MJF, haven’t you watched John Wick?
Punk leaves the ring, but out comes Wardlow. He stands in between MJF and Punk. Knox is out to stop the onslaught.
Backstage, Britt is backstage with Rebel and Jamie. Britt brings up Jamie losing, which Jamie fires back about Britt losing to Thunder as well. Britt says don’t focus on the past, it doesn’t matter. Lol. She calls this free therapy. Nice.
Hayter will be taking on Riho next week. If anything is left next week, Riho can have a title shot.
TNT’s stream is totally messing up on me, but I come back to my poor poor guy Orange Cassidy being Superkicked by The Bucks with Cole standing by. They are about to hit a BTE Trigger, but out come Chuck and Yuta.
We get a video package from Nese, who says Sammy doesn’t deserve the title.
Match 3: Wardlow vs AC Adams
A clothesline and three powerbombs later, and this guy is dead.
Winner: Wardlow
Total Rating: NR
Match Time:1:26
Spears runs in and creams the kid with a chair a few times.
WE come back to AEW after a break, and Penta and Pac are backstage. Did they just say Rey was injured?!!> NO!!!!!!! Pac is wearing a fucking eyepatch. Tony asks Pac about his eye attack, can he wrestle Friday night? Pac says he is not an invalid, he’s good to fight. Look into his eye.
Tazz is on commentary here.
Match 4: The Gunn Club vs Darby Allin and Sting
Darby and Colt to start. Lockup and we get a back elbow from Colton. Side headlock to Darby. Darby backs him up, Colt hits the ropes, shoulder tackle. Rope work and Darby gets a drop toe hold. Darby tries for an arm drag, Colton blocks, Darby slides under, arm drag, shotgun dropkick. Colt stands up in the corner. Tag from Daddy Ass.
Darby tags in Sting.
They go face to face in the center of the ring. Gunn tries a right, Sting blocks. Back fist. Another. Manhattan Drop. Clothesline to Billy. Sting hits the corner, goes for the Stinger Splash, but Billy rolls out of the ring. Gunn sends his son into the ring. I didn’t see a tag, but apparently he got one. Tagto Darby. Tag from Gunn. Darby flies back with a coffin splash, but Billy catches him and hits a Full Nelson Slam. Gunn pulls Darby up from his pants, sends him into the corner hard. Tag to Colton. Colton stomps Darby in the corner. Another tag from Colton to Gunn.
We are back, and Darby just flies the fuck out the ring INTO Austin Gunn!!!! Billy Gunn hits a Fameasser on Sting! Colton climbs over slowly to get a pin! 1..2…..NO!!!! Darby is back in the ring. He dives out of the ring like a freakin bullet!!! Holy shit. Right into Billy Gunn. Darby to the top rope. He is bleeding from the top of his head.
Colton here, Darby kicks him, hits a stunner, Colton staggers right into a Scorpion Death Drop! Pin for 1..2…3!!!!
Winners: Darby Allin and Sting
Thank you, Darby, for continuing to try and kill yourself for our entertainment.
Total Rating: **
Match Time:10:01
Backstage, Jericho wants to clear some shit up. He didn’t come to Kingston’s aid last week. He wasn’t there to help Eddie, he was there to take out 2.0. He was out there to take out Garcia, Parker, and Lee.
In come the aforementioned to triple attack Jericho, tossing him into nearby random plunder. They send Jericho into a door, then chair shot his ass in the head.
They told Jericho to watch his mouth. Jericho is left to lay there.
We are back to find out Jericho will not be on Rampage due to the attack.
Tazz uses some Steiner math to say that he and his crew have a 125% chance of winning the battle royal.
As Tazz rattles on, Lio Rush makes his entrance. Lio has a mic.
Hobbs and Hook are nearby. Lio tells Tazz that he should know who Lio is. It’s literally Tazz’s job to know him. If that’s the case, then he should know tht Lio has had the odds stacked against him his entire career. It’s crazy to Lio to say that Tazz has 100% chance, because that’s insinuating that Lio has no chance.
Lio says he is a fighter. Deep down, Tazz knows that he is a fighter. These people know he’s a fighter. Better believe him when he says he wont be going down without a fight, even if he’s got 1% chance.
Tazz tells Lio to just retire. He’s done.
Out comes Dante and Ricky Starks. Dante is smirking.
Weird and ineffective segment, to be honest. Tazz has been doing this too long to be talking over talent, and if you’re gonna use Steiner Math, be funny.
Jade Cargill has some promo time, but it’s interrupted by Rosa who says she will be on commentary this Friday.
Match 5: Kris Statlander vs Ruby Soho
Kris works the arm, Ruby revereses and works from behind. Kris locks the head, turns into a side headlock takedown. Ruby rolls her into a pin for 1, Kris shifts weight. Both girls up, Ruby esapes the headlock, but Kris gets another. Stalemate and Kris with a go behind into a side headlock again. Kris drops Ruby, backs up a bit, then boops Ruby. Ruby sent to the ropes, comes back with a rollup, Kris locks up, inside cradle for 1..2..NO!!! Ruby bounced off the ropes, catapults Kris, but she fucking handstands out of it!!! Yeesh. She goes for another boop, but Ruby hits an arm drag, wheelbarrow, arm drag into the corner, Ruby hops up, flies off with another arm drag, hooks the arm, Flatliner! Cover for 1..2..NO!!!
We are BACK to Kris hitting a Blue Thunder Bomb on Ruby! Cover for 1..2..NO!!!! Kris grabs the ankle of Ruby, spins Ruby onto her back, looking for the spider crab, Ruby locks the head, but Kris pulls Ruby up for a buckle bomb! She hooks the head, lifts the leg, fishermans into a freakin bomb and a cover for 1..2…NO!!! Kris with a running elbow in the corner, tries for a kick, but Ruby hits a back elbow, another elbow, thrust kick to the corner, headbutt before that .Ruby with some rights to the chest, Kris misses a right, Ruby hooks the head, tries to send her head into the buckle, Kris blocks. Ruby lcoks the head on her, POISON RANA!!! Ruby hits the ropes, another rana! Cover for 1..2….NO!!!!
Ruby works the arm, goes for No Future! Kris blocks, rolls her, tries for the BBT, but Ruby reverses, rolls Kris up for 1…2…3!!!
Winner: Ruby Soho
A spectacular match with a, in my opinion, unnecessary ending. Ain’t nothin wrong with Ruby winnin clean.
Total Rating: ***1/2
Match Time: 10:20
Ruby extends her hand, Kris shakes it, slightly disappointed. Kris leaves the ring and Ruby celebrates in the ring.
As Kris is heading up the ring, Vickie Guerrero comes out to talk some shit to Kris’s face.
In the ring, Ruby is on the corner buckle and Nyla runs in to pull her off. Kris runs back to the ring to protect Ruby, and Nyla rolls out of the ring with a smirk. Vickie smiles at the top of the ramp.
Match 6: Atlanta street Fight
Andrade El Idolo vs Cody Rhodes
As Cody makes his entrance, Andrade attacks!!! ARN ANDERSON FALLS!! Oh shit. He didn’t fall, he’s getting attacked by Jose! Lol. Oops. Andrade and Cody are fighting on the side of the stage. Cody removes his jacket and grabs a trashcan. He tosses it in the face of Andrade. Cody kicks through the crowd, sending Andrade into the barricade. He’s got the love of the crowd, it appears, as he hits a fist to the forehead. Elbow to the back of the head. Cody to the top of the brricade. He dives off with a crossbody. Cody gets to the ring, daps up T-Pain, who hands him a chair, and Cody smacks Andrade on the back. Another chair shot right to the head.
Finally, in the ring, and Cody hits a powerslam out of the corner. The crowd is a bit more divided, now. Cody removes his belt, Andrade with a LOW BLOW!!!
ANDRADE is up with the belt! He smacks Cody then tosses the belt in the crowd! Andrade grabs something from the bag of shit he brought. It’s a laptop! He smacks Cody with the internet!!! Cody heads to the outside. Andrade has a chair. He smacks Cody a good one on the forehead. Andrade grabs a chain and a garbage lid and tosses both into the ring. He looks under the ring and grabs a table. The crowd loves this, so Andrade puts it back. Lol. Cody grabs Andrade, Andrade with a right hand. Andrade grabs the chain, whips it hard in the corner, but Cody dodges and grabs a chair. Andrade kicks him away as the crowd chants, “WE WANT TABLES!” Andrade says nope. Andrade to the corner, he stands tall. Split-legged moonsault! Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Cody up. Andrade up. KICK TO THE YAMS!!!! Andrade drops. Cody soaks in cheers and boos. Cody hits the ropes, tries for the cutter, but Andrade shoves him off, and Cody falls to the outside!
We are back, and Cody’s back is peeling like a Gila Monster. Lol. Andrade and Cody meet in the middle of the ring. Cody with a right. Whip to the ropes, kick out of the corner. Cody has the chain! TO THE FOREHEAD!! Cody with a delayed body slam. Cody in the ring! He hits the ropes for a suicide dive, but Andrade has a chair!!!
Andrade rips the mats off the outside of the ring. Andrade hooks the head, then the arms. Cody says no! Back Body Drop! Cody is bleeding. He sends Andrade back in the ring, lifts the apron, and he’s got a kendo stick!
Wow….he drops the stick and grabs the sledgehammer. Thankfully, he tosses that away. Oh but then, he grabs a golden shovel!
JOSE IS HERE WITH A TAZER!!! Cody hits him with a shovel. Andrade dives off the top rope ith a crossbody!!! Andrade with a running knee in the corner, with a chair in between! Cody is ded. Andrade covers for 1..2….NO!!!! Andrade grabs a table from under the ring and sends it inside. Andrade sets it up in the corner. Andrade kicks Cody. Cody drops with a right. Cody runs. Andrade with a hip toss INTO THE TABLE!
Andrade leaves the ring, grabs another table, and sends that in the ring, but has the same issue with the table as the leg hangs over the ropes. Cody grabs the table, sets up, Andrade sets up the other side. Cody lays on the table after a right hand. Andrade to the top rope. Cody up! Crotches Andrade! He locks the head, Andrade hits some rights! Headbutt to Cody. Cody drops to his feet! Andrade to turns on the top rope. Cody crotches him! Cody attacks the back.
BRANDI RHODES IS HERE IN A HOODIE
Brandi sprays lighter fluid all over the top of the table. It’s on fire! Cody locks the head. Reverse DDT onto the flaming table. Cover for 1..2…3!!!
Winner: Cody Rhodes
I’m almost positive that Cody will rewatch this and ask himself over and over why, just why do people hate him? But it’s matches like this that really just amplify the disdain. Personally, I don’t hate the guy – the character could definitely use more focus – but this just felt like a cry for love with a complete lack of awareness. Half the match, most people were wondering what the scabbed up back was all about, thinking it was a sunburn, only to realize it was a retardant. We don’t wanna see how the soup is made, Cody. As a straight up hardcore wrestling match, it kind of left some stuff to be desired, but when you add in the sledgehammer/golden shovel thing, a blade job, a flaming table where Cody hits the flame more than his opponent, and an interrupting wife, it just kind of deflated the show as a whole. A rare miss here.
Total Rating: **1/2
Match Time: 19:09
End Show
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