wrestling / TV Reports
Acero’s AEW Dynamite Review 3.29.23
Image Credit: AEW
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It’s Wednesday, you know what that means…
I’m goin to Mania, baby!!!
Wait, this is AEW…nevermind.
Jungle Boy is out for action!
Ethan Page portrays a stellar Jeff Hardy mockery as he comes out with Matt.
Jungle Boy vs Matt Hardy (w/ Ethan Page)
A sportsmanship handshake to start. Lockup!! Hardy corners JB, ref breaks it, Matt asks Ethan Page to back off a bit. Waist lock from Matt, JB reverses, Matt works the left arm, and slams it down on his shoulder a few times. JB flips out, works Matt’s arm, drops Matt to his knee. Matt reverses. Side Headlock, takedown from JB. Matt leg scissors. JB kips out, another side headlock from Matt, shoulder tackle off the ropes. JB tries for an arm drag, stops, flips away, dropkick to Matt. JB stands tall as Matt rolls outside. JB hits the ropes, looking to dive, but Ethan Page gets in the way. Matt tells Page he is fine, JB dives anyway, and Matt catches him! Side Effect on the outside!
Backstage, Darby Allin is watching.
Matt rolls into the ring and Page attacks JB off the distraction. He chucks JB into the crowd. Matt is confused. He leaves the ring, JB with rights, another, he stands on the barricade and flies off with an axe. JB grabs Matt and sends him to the apron. JB hooks the head, Matt with right hands, a shove, JB with a hard elbow. Right hand from Matt. Right from JB. Another from Matt. Another from JB. They keep it goin, locking up and hitting rights over and over. Matt drops to his ass. JB left standing. Matt pulls himself up, right from JB, thwarted. SIDE EFFECT ON THE APRON!
WE ARE BACK and Matt shoves JB into the ropes chest first and attacks the back. Another shove, and JB fires back with a huge clothesline. Matt tries a right hand, JB blocks, another block, hits the ropes, fist to the forehead from Matt. Dropkick from JB! He heads to the top rope. Page is on the apron for the distraction, and Matt hits some rights. Matt climbs up, locks the head, SUperplex off the 2nd rope. Cover for 1..2..NO!!!
Music hits, and it’s HOOK!
He comes down in a black hoodie and he’s ready to handle Page. Page tries to hit a right, Hook dodges, and they exchange blows. Hardy grabs Hook on the outside. Page swings with a right, and he hits Matt in the face!!! Hook with some body sohts to Page. JB flies out of the ring with a suicide dive! He rolls Matt into the ring, JB to the top rope, kick from Matt as he flies, Twist of F—NO!! Backslide from JB. 1..2..N!O!!
Side Eff-NO! Arm drag and a superkick from JB! Flatliner! JB hits the ropes, huge elbow to the back of the head and a cover for 1..2..3!!!
Winner: Jungle Boy
A perfectly serviceable opener.
Total Rating: **1/2
Match Time: 10:03
Before Jungle Boy can even be fully announced as a winner, MJF’s music hits. He’s out, asks for the music to be cut, and walks down to the ring.
HE says he runs the show, wants to keep it real with Jungle Boy. Kind of a Kanye move on JB’s part. There was one thing he said that stuck to MJF tho. After their match in 2020, MJF had it easy, said Jungle Boy. That he got to waltz his way to the top of the card? That this place is The MJF Show. He’s right! He barely wrestles, he barely breaks a sweat, walks to the back, collects a fat check, gets on his jet and flies to the most magical place in the world, Long Island. Then there is JB’s career after their match…it’s been kind of mid. Credit where it’s due, JB scratch and crawled to the top leaving blood, sweat, and tears in the ring for the fans. MJF is honest, but hedoesn’t recall these people ever saying thank you. He also doesn’t recall him being rewarded, so JB has every right to be pissed, but no right to be pissed at MJF. The only person he should be pissed at is himself.
After their match at DoN, when they stole the show, all to prove that they were the future, MJF walked to the back and had a feeling like he had just met his equal in the ring. He’d met the man he’d be waging war with for the rest of his life, someone he respected. So he swallowed his pride, found JB and shook his hand. He gave JB some advice, does JB remember?
Jungle Boy with the mic. He says yes, he remembers the great advice – he said he had all the skills and potential, but nice guys always finish last. Told JB that if he ever wanted to be as big as MJF, he’d have to ditch his friends and not care about anyone but himself.
MJf – What did he do? Contnue to hang out with Marko Stunted Growth, Dinosaur Douche, and good call on Christian. His new pal Hook wont be any different. He could have listened to MJF, this place could have been the Jack Perry Show. But no, JB just had to be the good guy. For these people? They may chant his name, but where has being a good guy gotten Jungle Boy. Here we are, three years later, MJF is the best in the world and the champion, and Perry is still just Jungle Boy.
JB wants to be honest for a second. Along time ago, he thought maybe MJF and he would be friends. He’ll be very honest; in a lot of ways, he wishes he was more like MJF. Wishes he could talk like MJF, had the confidence that he has, and that he didn’t care about anyone but himself. He wish that he didn’t care about being the most selfish, narcissistic piece of shit in this entire place. But it’s not him, and if his road to the top of the mountain is harder because of it, so be it. When he beats MJF to become the World Champ, at least he wont wake up alone every day and hate the person he sees in the mirror.
JB drops the mic. MJF still has his, though. He says that was really good, everyone give it up for Jungle Boy. It only took him four years to learn how to talk. JB was right, at one point, maybe they could have been friends. But not anymore. JB has turned out to be a massive disappointment. He’s no different than everyone here and at home; he is weak. MJF pulled aside Anna Jay and she told MJF that Perry is weak between the knees, too.
Jack shoots the legs! MJF with a eye poke. Kicks in the corner. MJF tries to send JB into the corner, but JB reverses and stomps MJF in the corner over and over. MJF tosses JB to the ropes, and he comes back with a lariat! He lifts MJF, hits the ropes, tries for the hit to the head, but MJF rolls outside of the ring.
Backstage, Don Callis is with Hangman Page and Don says he grabbed Page’s wrist, lost his balance, and it is his fault. But he asks Kenny why he would assume Page just attacked him. Omega says Page has punched Don before. Lol. Don says he needs to focus on Cobb, Callis is going to go apologize to Hangman.
He leaves as Kenny continues to get his elbow checked out.
So apparently, Matt Menard and Angelo Parker hung out with The Acclaimed and Billy Gunn for a night on the town. They went to a hockey game, had milkshakes and dinner, and rode a carousel. Parker has a simple question for them – are they in or out. Bowens tells them that they’ll make a decision next Wednesday.
Menard and Parker are left alone at a table thinking it went well.
Dalton Castle is hereeeeeee with his boys.
They are attacked as they make their way down the ramp by The Blackpool Combat Club.
The Blackpool Combat Club vs Dalton Castle and The Boys
The bell rings and Claudio hits an uppercut to Brandon Tate in the corner. He then tosses him from out of the corner with ease. Yuta is beating down Brent while Moxley is attacking Dalton both on the outside. Claudio deadlifts Brandon and hits a chokeslam.
Claudio with the Ricola Bomb. Cover for 1..2..3!!!
Winners: The Blackpool Combat Club
Well shit…
Total Rating: NR
Match Time: :48
We are reminded that The Young Bucks were sent to the hospital last week as Kenny fought El Hijo Vikingo.
This leads us to backstage with Page updating Marvez on The Bucks. They are home. Marvez asks who did this, and Page says it was BBC, of course.
Don Callis comes up, talks about grabbing the wrist. He is embarrassed, but he is here to make this right. He sincerely apologizes and extends his hand.
HERE COME BLACKPOOL!!! They attack Page three on one as Callis stands there with his hand out.
Callis: “Good to see ya, kid.”
Jon smacks the glasses off of Don’s face and slaps him down. Damn. Lol. We see Callis and he is covered in blood for some reason.
Omega is stopped by Marvez backstage and informed of the attack, but he’s got a match and he heads out, slightly bothered.
IWGP United States Championship Match
Jeff Cobb aka Adorable Hawaiian Buddha vs Kenny Omega
Cobb traps Kenny against the ropes, ref holds him back, so Jeff holds a gun out and pulls the trigger. Waist lock into a side headlock from Kenny. Jef lifts Kenny up, Kenny lands on his feet, hits the ropes, tackle and Jeff doesn’t move. Omega shoots Cobb off the apron, then dives over the top rope onto Jeff outside. He favors his ribs, but holds his hand up high. Kenny send Jeff back into the ring, slides in and hits the ropes, leg lariat to the back of the head! Kenny lifts Jeff, but Jeff is to heavy and falls into a crossbody. Running brainbuster to Omega! Kicks to the ribs! Right hands to Omega. They fight on the outside a bit, with both men trading blows. Kenny hits some chops, but Jeff just lifts him and sends him spine first into the post.
WE ARE BACK and Kenny tries for a back elbow in the corner, but Jeff catches him and tries to German, Omega lands on his feet, huge hammer to Jeff, right hand from Jeff. Jeff turns and swings for a right, but Omega hooks the arm, backslide, into a roll through, running knee! Cover! 1..2….NO!!! Snapdragon Suplex! He tries for another, but Jeff breaks it. Kenny kicks the right hand, hits a huge high knee, Snapdragon! HUGE CLOTHESLINE FROM JEFF! BOTH MEN DOWN! Both men up, holding their heads. Right hands back and forth. Chops to the chest. We get a slapfest! Jeff goes low! Huge running uppercut in the. Corner to Omega! Zhe sits Omega on the top rope. Jeff climbs and Kenny hits some chops to the shoulder then a headbutt. But Jeff hits his own! Jeff locks the head, Dealyed vertical suplex off the top!!! Moonsault from Jeff! Cover! 1..2…NO!!! V-Trigger from Jeff Cobb!!! He pulls Omega back and tries for a One0Winged Angel, which pisses Omega off. He slinks down, tires his own, cant do it, Tour of the Islands attempt, Omega lands on his feet, high knee. V-Trigger!
Omega grabs Jeff, hands him on the ropes by his arms, then pulls Jeff up on the shoulders! ONE-WINGED ANGEL!!!! Cover! 1..2…3!!!
Winner: Kenny Omega
Omega just be on a whole different level, don’t he. Good shit.
Total Rating: ***3/4
Match Time: 13:57
Omega struggles to celebrate, holding his ribs.
We see The Blackpool Combat Club come out and circle the ring. Kenny realizes it. He stands with his title. BCC hops up on the apron.
BRYAN DANIELSON is here!!!!!!
He rushes the ring and stands to protect Kenny, telling his BCC people to get down! They drop off the apron. Bryan tells them all to just step back. He turns, and Omega is in the corner. Bryan looks at him, the crowd chants NO, Bryan holds his hand out to Omega. Yuta hops on the apron, Omega runs to attack him…..
BRYAN WITH A KNEE!!!! BRYAN LOCKS IN THE LABELL LOCK!!!
IN come BCC! They all three stomp Omega while Bryan holds in the submission! Out come Cutler and Security, but Claudio and Yuta make short work of them. Bryan flexes with the hold still on, holding his nose back. Claudio steps on the arm of Omega. Bryan stands up, BCC stands tall. All four hold their hands in the air.
Bryan gets in the face of Omega, and you can hear him yelling, “You are everything that is wrong with wrestling.”
The Gunn Club tell FTR that it took them years to get where they took to get in months. FTR politicked for this title shot. Look into their eyes; FTR used to be their heroes, but then they met him, and now they hate them. Next week, career vs title. Top Guys….Out.
The Blade attacks Orange Cassidy before the match! Blade has a crowbar! The ref sends him to the back! Butcher attcks OC with some harsh kicks. OC removes his jacket, and he’s pissed. Ref wants to know if he wants the match. OC can go. He takes the shirt off and stands. OC puts his elbow pad on and the bell rings!
AEW International Championship Match
Orange Cassidy vs The Butcher
OC with a Orange Punch attempt but Butcher blocks it with a huge right hand! Beach Break attempt but Butcher blocks that too! OC with some kicks but Butcher eats them. He sends OC to the outside. Butcher follows and corners OC in the barricade. He gets him and swings OC into the barricade a few times.
Back from the break, and Butcher ha the legs of OC captured. He sins OC into a Cloverleaf. OC reaches for ropes, but he is center-ring. OC crawls. He then ets swung up and Butcher gets hit with some rights. Butcher with a slight alteration and tries for a powerbomb, but OC gouges the eyes!!! He tries for a DDT but Butcher flips oC out of it. He tries for OC, but OC misses and Butcher hits a chokeslam/backbreaker combo! Stungdog Mllionaire combo! Hits the ropes, ducks under, spinning Butcher grabs him, lifts him for a powerbomb, but Orange with a DDT!!!! Cover! 1..2…NO!!! OC to the top rope! DIVING DDT!!!! Cover! 1…2….NO!!!
The ref checks on Butcher, The Blade comes back with a crowbar!!!! He attacks the back of Orange Cassidy! Backbreaker from Butcher! Cover! 1..2…NO!!!
Out come The Best Friends! Butcher runs out of the ring, Trent has the crowbar!! Shot to the midsection! Butcher into the ring! ORANGE PUNCH! BEACh BREAK! COVER! 1….2….3!!!
Winner: Orange Cassidy
Interesting fold to add to Orange with the possibility of cheating ieng something he’s ok with.
Total Rating: *****
Match Time: 8:03
Jade Cargill cuts a promo, saying Taya ignored the cease and desist and broke Mark Sterling’s nose. Taya has a match on Friday, and if she uses The Jaded, the legal processor will be sent to her with an official court order. Jade tells Taya that she is THEE Goddess and That Bitch.
Willow Nightingale vs Ruby Soho
LOKCUP! Willow backs Ruby into the corner, ref backs her up, Willow pulls Ruby into the ring, Ruby slaps her, tries for a No Future, but there;s a counter. Willow shoves Rubty into the ropes, rana attempt from Ruby, but Willow turns this into a side slam and a splash. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Body slam to Ruby. Another. A third. Huge chop in the corner. She sends Ruby into the opposite corner then another chop. Right forearms to Ruby. Ruby begs for mercy then pulls Willow into the ropes. Ruby chokes her up a bit. Suplex from Ruby. Cover for 1..2.NO!!! Ruby chokes Willow down, gives her a forearm scrape, boot to the back, choking Willow up.
We are back and Willow is sending Saraya, who is on the apron, into the buckle. She smashes Ruby in the corner, hits a short clothesline, big boot to Ruby, whip, SPINEBUSTAAAAAAHHHH Cover! 1..2…NO!!! Willow pulls Ruby up onto her shoulders, Ruby hops off, elbow to Willow, locks the head but Willow with a Death Valley Driver! Cover! 1….2….NO!!! Storm distracts! No Future! Another one! Cover! 1..2…..NO!!!! Backslide to Ruby. For 1..2.NO!!! POUNCE FROM WILLOW!!!
Saraya on the apron, Toni pulls Ruby out of a hold, ROLLUP FOR WILLOW, feet on the ropes! 1..2…3!!!
Winner: Ruby Soho
Probably Willow’s best match to date.
Total Rating: **1/2
Match Time:
The Outcasts attack!!!
Ruby grabs a chair from under the ring! She enters and traps Willow’s leg in the chair.
Here comes Riho and Skye Blue!!! Toni and Ruby stuff them and Ruby sends Skye outside. Ruby and Toni grab Riho and put her to her knees, but here comes Jamie Hayter! She attacks Ruby, Toni, Saraya! She tries for a clothesline but the girls high tail it out. Jamie helps Riho up and Riho is quick to let her know she still wants the title. Lol.
Adam Cole vs Daniel Garcia
Cole works the left arm. Garcia escapes and works the wrist. Cole to one knee. He rolls out, works the wrist, Garcia rolls out, waist lock takedown then slaps Cole around a bit and kicks some dust on him. Cole with a go behind, Garcia locks the head, into a side headlock. Cole reverses, they hit the roeps, big tackle from Cole. He hits the ropes, stops a run and locks the head. Back suplex, Cole lands on his knees, headlock from him, he flies over Garcia from out of the corner. Side headlock takedown. Cole blocks the head scissors. Garcia pulls on the hair then locks t he head up. He’s back up, throat thrust, piledriver to Cole!!
WE ARE BACK! Cole tries to drop his knee pad, but Garcia stops him, so Cole hits a few elbow strikes. Garcia goads Cole into the running knee, and ducks then hits some elbows to the chest. He locks in a sleeper, Cole flips into a bridge, gets a 1..2.NO!!! kick to the knee, Cole to the top! Tries for Panama Sunrise, but Cole rolls through only for Garcia to lock in the Dragon Tamer! Cole reaches for the ropes, gets it, and Garcia waits till 2 to let go.
Garcia locks the head, tries for another piledriver, hits it! Cover for 1..2.NO!!! Kick from Cole, to the 2nd rope. Panama Sunrise! BOOM FROM COLE! Cover! 1..2……3!!!!
Winner: Adam Cole
Total Rating: ***
Match Time: 10:38
Britt Baker is here to celebrate with her mans. Confetti pops and Britt holds his hand up high.
Chris Jericho runs out to check on Garcia. He helps him stand then looks back to Cole with anger. Jericho takes all the confetti off of Garcia and walks him up the ramp as Garcia complains about the loss.
Jericho stops at the top of the ramp, slow turns his head, then stops and continues his walk up the ramp with Garcia.
End Show
