wrestling / TV Reports
Acero’s AEW Dynamite Review 6.1.22
Image Credit: AEW
Loading...A few weeks ago, I went into the offices of 411 and met with Jeremy Thomas. I explained how I had been here for 10 plus years, and the pay of “One box of Animal Crackers and One Case of Mountain Dew” was a rate that simply did not match the output that I’ve given throughout the years. I demanded more.
Thomas would NOT budge, so I took off my belt and placed it on the desk in between us. With my pants sagging, I left Jeremy in a confused stupor, without a recapper. He attempted to create a bracketed tournament amongst 411 writers and readers alike, but could find little to no interest in the coverage of RAW. Lucky for him, he had a staff of awesome people that would cover for a few short weeks while he figured out what to do. A special thanks to those fellas.
It is with great pleasure that I let you all know we’ve worked out a deal. While I can’t disclose the specifics of my new agreement, let’s just say that I’ll never have to buy a Bang Energy drink again, and all parties are happy.
CM FREAKIN PUNK IS HERE!!!!
We’re getting some Trios action!!!
I’m already excited!
Match 1: Max Caster and The Bullets of Billy’s Gunn vs FTR and CM Punk
FTR and Punk share a hug, and we got Dax starting with the one that Gunn that like a tall Munchkin. Dax gets cornered, ref breaks it up, A throat thrust to Dax makes him smirk, and we get another lockup. Side headlock from Austin, and he hits a shoulder tackle, then the ropes, hops over, leap frog, another sloppy leap frog, and Dax hits a back elbow then a hard chop. Tag to cash. Whip and Cash hits a drop toe hold. Dax with a elbow drop as Cash covers for 1..2..NO!!!! Tag to Colton, who comes in with some kicks in the corner. Cash hops over out the corner, ducks under a clothesline, high leap frog, back body drop to Colton and a dropkick from Cash! Arm drag into an arm bar and a knee to the face. Tag to Max, he and Austin try and double team, ref holds them back, Cash works the left arm of Max. LA wants Punk, and they get him. He dives off the top rope with an elbow. Punk with a shoulder tackle, right hand to the face. He misses a right, Max drops some kicks in the corner, a few hard right hands. Punk hits the corner, cross body off the top. He works the arm, tags in Cash, tag to Dax. Cash to the top rope, Max gets lifted to his shoulder, and Dax flies off with a powerslam and a pin for 1..2…NO!!!! Back suplex from max, tag to Austin, misses a right, Dax fights all three off the corner, then Austin clips the leg, sends him to the conrer head first. Kicks in the corner. Tag to Max. He and Colton whip Dax into the corner hard. Ref is distracted, and Billy hits a HUGE right hand to the face. Cover from Max. 1..2..NO!!!! Dax flies for a tag, but the Gunns pull off Punk and Cash, and he is trapped in the heel corner. Brothers Gunn are in, and they hit a flapjack. Cover for 1..2.. NO!!!!
We come back and Punk slips off the top rope but recovers with a right hand, then a body slam to each Gunn. Neckbreaker, dropkick, hip attack to one, Max distracts, Cash in, he and Punk hit stereo running knees, then Punk shoots Cash over the top rope! Clothesline from Punk, back to the top rope! He flies off with an elbow!!! He calls for a Go2Sleep, but Billy Gunn gets on the apron. SUCK IT! Surprise rollup to Punk for 1..2..NO!!!! Fameasser attempt, but Punk lifts him up and powerbombs him INTO Bily Gunn!!!
Gunn on the shoulders. Tag to Dax, Cash is in. G2S INTO BIG RIG!!!! Dax with a cover for 1..2…3!!!
Winners: CM Punk and FTR
Well…that was a little rough. The Gunn Club are still so green, so there was nothing of note from them, here. It is important to note that CM Punk lost a step off the springboard, and never quite got his footing back, as it caused a few missteps all the way up until the end. Although I appreciate him for admitting to it, even going so far as to apologize on the top rope with a silent “SORRY,” ya gotta call a spade a spade.
Total Rating: **
Match Time: 11:48
Punk grabs a mic, says he’s never done drugs, but this must be what it feels like. He says there is still miles to travel, road to travel, and he’s gotta get better. That’s what this title is about. He wouldn’t be here if his road wasn’t riddled with mistakes, and he’s going to learn from them and get better. Call him what we want, but make sure you call him Champ.
Dax says the things Punk hasn’t done, he has, and yeah it feels this good. Pro wrestling means the world to him. His wife and kid is in the crowd, and those are the only two things in this world that mean more to him than pro-wrestling. Dax calls out wrestlers from anywhere to come out and get their ass kicked.
Punk brings up NJPW. He is standing in the ring with two of the best. No back fighting, we got a PPV to sell, he knows Japan is back there, show Punk who he’s got.
Musi hits and it’s……..
Hiroshi Tanahashi
He is out with a finger in the air, and the crowd is loud as fuck, with me sitting at home, 25 minutes away, jealous as shit.
MJF’s music hits, and he is out to ask for his music to be cut. He’s got a mic.
Here.
We.
Go!
MJF is in a lot of pain, he says. Crowd cheers. All we wanna do is hear him talk. That’s what we want, right? Ok, he’ll talk, but this is Max Friedman talkin. Big Merger, boss. Lotta important execs. Would be a real shame if something bad happened. Wouldn’t wanna embarrass Khan, man. Speaking of embarrassing, Tony has tried to sit down and talk for a while now, right? Too little too late.
Here’s why: when this company first started, it was all friends wrestling. Everyone was handed a ticket except for him. He had to write his own, and boy does he have good penmanship, because he had to create moment after moment, and still gets no respect. No one is on his level. No one. Everything he touches turns to gold. There is nothing he cant do. Every time he comes out, he is not expected to hit home runs, he’s expected to hit Grand Slams, and he does this on a weekly basis. He is the only man capable of holding this company on his back as he has for months. He hears clapping and boos. Interesting. Where were we this whole weekend when we were calling him an unprofessional piece of shit.
The boys in the back are a problem, too. They want his spot. You want it? You can have it. He doesn’t wanna be here anymore.
Let’s talk about fans, now. We aren’t fans – we are uneducated marks. We sit here on our phones, tweeting our opinions like they’re worth a damn. We don’t know shit. He gives an example of us knowing he is a good wrestler then saying he sucked. Why? Because he doesn’t pretend to watch New Japan? Cuz he isn’t reckless, isn’t chasing star ratings?
HE IS THE BEST IN THE WORLD! He’s the only guy who makes us feel, unlike everyone in the back who’s gotta do a bunch of bullshit to get us there.
He is a generational talent, and we consistently take him for granted. Not just us, though….the big man does, too. Khan doesn’t want us to know who the second biggest draw is in this entire company. It’s MJF! Ask stat boy Tony in the back, see what he’s got to say, but don’t ask him to reach into his pockets and pay the man who has been busting his ass since day 1. Make sure he hoards all the money so he can give it to all the new ex-WWE guys he’s bringing in that cannot lace his God Damn boots.
Hey boss, would you treat him better if he was an ex-WWE guy? Maybe you don’t get it. Here’s the problem with “boss,” he has a position of power in a wrestling company when the only position he should be assuming is behind the guardrail. He doesn’t want to wait till 2024, so he’ll make it easier. He wants Tony to fire him.
He points directly into the camera. He wants Tony to fire him, you son of a bitch. Fire him!
Mic is cut and we go to commercial.
Match 2: Johnny Nitro Impact Pep Boys Elite vs Miro
MIRO IS RIGHT WITH GOD!! He will be back to help his fellow man and redeem us all! These good deeds will bring him back to the kingdom of heaven where he will find “you.” His neck of sand is now fixed. It is his heart that is broken. He no longer wishes to come home; he now wants to come and take Yours. The Redeemer is back…flawless.
Hands up. Johnny tries to slide with a kick, doesn’t work. Miro clotheslines him down hard and with ease. Kick t othe back, kicks into the ropes, right hand, toss into the corner, and Miro murders him. Stomps to Johnny in the corner. Miro grabs the head, lifts Johnny, Elite with a punch, whip to th corner reversed. Kick from Elite, Miro pulls him down and hits a Saito Suplex!
We are back, and Miro has Johnny in his arms. He spins and slams, then calls for a pump kick. Elite escapes, hits a roundhouse, Miro misses a splah in the corner. Elbow, right hands, high kick, springboard roundhouse off the ropes from Johnny. Standing shooting star, and a cover for 1…..NO!!!! Johnny with a a running knee. Top rope, and Johnny flies for a Starship Pain, gets a small edge of it, but Miro is up with a pump kick!
Miro stomps around, steps on the back, and we get a Game Over submission for the win.
Winner: Miro
A slaughter if there ever was one.
Total Rating: *1/2
Match Time: 6:07
Video replay of Anarchy in the Arena before the JAS come out with matching white vests and smirks.
Jericho cuts the music off before people can sing. Lol. Nice.
Parker clears his throat, says at Double or Nothing, they dominated. Therefore, AEW Galaxy, appreciate US. BUAHAHHAHAA!!
Menard gets the mic. Did you see Double or Nothing? Did you order the PPV? Because if you did, you’d know that they are the Princes of Pain. Nobody does it better.
Jericho slow walks to the center of the ring, staring at the hard cam. He smiles. He knows we wanted to sing, but we don’t deserve it tonight. What we deserve is the winners of the match. It was not easy! He was knocked down, beaten down, and that psycho Eddie Kingston comes to the ring with a gas can, pours gas all over Jericho, and wants to light him on fire? What kind of a man burns another man?
Then there’s Danielson, who says at the end of the match, “I’m going to kick his *expletive* head in.” lol.
After that, Jake and Jericho choked him out, so YES that! Danielson isn’t here tonight, and that’s the same thing that Garcia will do to Moxley tonight. Every time we get Sports Entertainer vs Wrestler, the Entertainer always win.
EDDIE’S MUSIC HITS for about 10 seconds. He wants it cut. He comes out with William Regal.
“I’ll fight all of you right now.”
Regal stands by scowling. Eddie tells them why he wants to fight them.
Regal gets the mic.
BLOOD AND GUTS!
Eddie and Regal leave. But oh noooooo, Eddie walks back down the ramp. Eddie attacks Hager, but Parker and Menard attack! Jericho says he’ll never get Blood and Guts, Kingston deserves a cage, not them.
Jericho turns around, and it’s Ortiz!!!! He has the sock! He clocks Jericho voer the head!! Orti has scissors! He cuts the hair of Jericho! JAS runs in to stop him! Ortiz high tails it!
Jericho is LIVID! His hair is worth more than their entire existence! THEY’RE GETTING BLOOD AND GUTS, BITCHES! But first, Jericho wants something. He will shave Ortiz’ head bald.
Jericho vs Ortiz HAIR vs HAIR!!!!
Match 3: Kyle O’Reilly, Bobby Fish, , Hikuleo and The Young Bucks vs Darby Allin, Matt Hardy, Jungle Boy, Christian and Luchasaurus
Jeff is described as unable to compete, but hose his replacement in Darby Allin, which is a cool touch.
KNOX KNOX KNOX KNOX KNOX!!!!
Jungle Boy and KOR to stat. JB gets the better of him, until Kyle tags in Fish. Arm drag from JB. Tag to. Christian in and gets a hip toss with JB on Nick. Fish and Christian left in the ring. Tag to Matt, with a little bit of hesitation. They chat a bit, double right hand to Fish. Christian locks the head, Matt drops an elbow. Matt kicks, goes for Twist of Fate, Fish escspaes, misses a right, tag to Matt, tag to Christian. Uppercut, another, Cage to the top rope for some mounted punches. Cage kicks Fish away, Darby hit some rights. JB with a rana off the apron!!! Cage flies of with a headbutt and gets a pin, but ALL TEN MEN ENTER THE RING!!!! Shit goes wild as JB and Lucha clear the ing. Darby hits the ropes, suicide dive to KOR!! Lucha with a moonsault off the corner! JB hits a moonsault, too!!!
IN the ring, Cage goes for Unprettier, but Nick with a Superkick!!! Matt slides through the ropes to dropkick Matt, and Nick flies over his brother onto Lucha and Darby!!
We are back, and Lucha is tossin people around like wild. Both Bucks in the ring. In comes KOR to lock in a guillotine, but Lucha sends him into Nick, big splash to Matt, then a double clothesline to Nick and Kyle. GOOZLE!!!! Nick flips out of a chokeslam, kicks, another kick to the head, he rushes the corner, eats an elbow. Lucha rolls into a leg scissors to the head, then plants Nick’s head into the ground! In comes Matt! JB in!!! CODE RED OFF THE BACK OF LUCHA!!!! CHOKESLAM!! Pin for 1..2….NO!!!! Hiku gets a tag, and w get the big man stand off!!! But GOOZLE fro mLucha!! One from Hiku, who eats a headbutt, then a double clothesline sends both men down!
Tag to Darby! Tag to Kyle! Kyle misses a kick! Darby with a kick in the corner, hits the courner, Fish comes in, right, left, palm strikes, elbow, coffin splash for Kyle, Fish, Kyle, Fish, Kyle, misses one on Fish, but dropkicks to Fish!!! CUTTER TO HYLE!!! Tag from Nick!!! In comes the big man, but Dary sends him out of the ing! DUDE LANDS ON HIS FUCKING HEA!! Tag to Matt!! Darby with a Coffin Drop, but Hiku catches him!!! Fish attacks!!! Kyle is here, kick and a suplex to Darby!
IN the ring, Matt sends matt into the corner, then Nick with a buncha DELETES! In comes Kyle, and we get some DELETES in the corner!! FISH IS IN!!! He’s nExt!! Crowd LOVES IT!!! DELETE DELETE DELETE DELETE!!!!! In comes Hiku, and Matt tries for the head smash, but nope! Hiku sends Matt into the corner, misses a splash, cage off the 2nd rope with a dropkick, clothesline sends him outside. Cage with a spear off the apron! Kyle with a knee to Cage!!
DOUBLE SUPERKICK TO MATT HARDY! The miss one for Lucha, but get it off the rebound! JB flies off the back, and ANOTHER PAIR OF SUPERKICKS! One more for Lucha!!! BTE Trig—-no!!! Matt in!!!! Killswitch/Twist of Fate attempt, but they reverse.
Hi-Low from ReDragon, Meltzer Driver to JB! Cover for 1..2…3!!!
Winners: The Young Bucks, ReDragon, and Hikuleo
INDYRIFFIC!!!! This was like the main event of a BarWrestling event in LA, and I loved every minute of it. I’ve given the Bucks a lot of flack for matches like this, but I can’t remember the last time they went this direction, so it was a bit of a welcomed presence.
Total Rating: ***
Match Time: 11:59
Cage helps JB out of the ring, and Lucha follows. Matt Hardy is left in the ring by himself as we get a recap of Last Sunday.
Lee and Swerve are backstage to talk about almost reaching gold. Swerve wants to introduce us to a few people that, in the grand scheme of things, matter very little. Lee says we will all swerve in their glory.
Tony is at the top of the stage to introduce Athena.
She did not back down from Jade. Welcome to AEW.
Athena is hyped, says thanks, and can finally say that she is All Elite. She brings up Jade, says all streaks were made to be broken, and she will be the one to break hers. Jade can say what she wants, but Athena is the Alpha, and she is..
“Tony, cut the shit.”
Here comes Jade, saying everyone might be this or that, but she is that bitch. She wants to introduce the best talker in the game, and hands over the mic.
Stokely says how dare Athena interrupt on her first day on the damned job. He is Jade’s publicist and Jade is a queen. She is a Goddess. Our TBS Champion. She knows Athena wants the title shot, but she ain’t getting it today.
Hogan gets in the face of Athena. Out comes Ana Jay followed by Kris Statlander and we get a whole lotta blab la bla.
Stokely calls for security, says to get them outta here as Jade makes fun of Athena’s height.
We are BACK, and Wardlow is walking from the back. We get the Goldberg like entrance, but without security. His music doesn’t play until well after he arrives. Weird. He’s in action, next.
Match 4: JD Drake vs Wardlow
Wardlow with a HUGE clothesline to knock JD off his feet! Wardlow corners the guy, then hits a modified Alabama Slam. Straps are down, and Wardlow calls for the powerbomb! He hits one. Another. Cover for 1….2….3!!!!!
Winner: Wardlow
Squishy!
Total Rating: NR
Match Time: 1:08
Wardlow kicks JD out of his ring then celebrates on the corner.
Schiavone enters the ring to get a word from Wardlow. He congratulates Warlow for being All Elite, buuuuutttt
Out comes Sterling with a bunch of security and some “documents.”
Wardlow: “This dude doesn’t watch the product.” Referring to security. Lol.
Sterling is suing Wardlow on behalf of the security company that protects AEW. Wardlow grabs the security dude that hands him the paper, and powerbombs his ass hard.
Sterling: “He has a family! No!!!”
Backstage, Scorpio is with Dan and Page. Dan doesn’t like Dante Martin, but you cant deny his potential. In a few years, he may be as good as Scorpio Sky. Page says he doesn’t have a couple of years, though. He’s only got a couple of days. Enjoy the vacation, Dante, because on Friday, he’s getting his ass handed to him.
Sky is about to snap, but here comes Dnate, saying he thinks he’s better than Sky right now, and on Rampage, he’ll prove it.
Match 5: Ruby Soho and Toni Storm vs Britt Baker and Jamie Hayter
Storm and Baker to start. Toni attacks Jamie, the distraction allows Britt to ttack. Toni corners her, hits some rights, kicks send Britt down to her ass. Toni whips, goes for a right, but Britt leaves the ring and grabs her Owen Hart title to show off. Ruby shows anger. Britt gets back in the ring and looks to tag, but Toni rolls her up for 1..2.NO!!! Toni hits the ropes, dropkick to Britt, tag to Ruby. Kick to the front and the back. Cover for 1..2.NO!!! Britt sends Ruby down hard. Tag to Jamie. Hayter comes in to kick Ruby into the corner. Tag from Britt. Boot to Ruby. Sends her outside, another kick to Ruby on the apron, Britt sweeps the leg then swings her into a neckbreaker on the floor!!!
We are back, and Britt and Ruby are in the ring. Ruby hits a Saito Suplex! Tag to Toni! Tag to hayter! GERMAN FROM TONI!! Hip attack in the corner. Tornado DDT!!! Hayter rolls to the outside. Toni tries for another DDT off the apron, but Jamie catches her and hits a DDT off the apron to the floor!! RUBY FLIES WITH A CROSSBODY!!!! SLINGBLADE FROM BRITT!! She sends Toni into the ring. Sends jAmie after her. Running knee fro mjamie and a cover for 1..2..NO!!! Jamie locks the head up, double underhook, Toni stops any offense, lifts Jamie on her shoulders, ALAbama Slam! Tag to Ruby! She’s to the top rope! Misses a stomp and runs right into a Superkick! Toni with a GERMAN!!!! Jamie with a pump kick!!! Ruby tries for an STO! Jamie elbows out and hits a back breaker to the knee!!! Tag to Britt. Britt in and grbs Ruby’s head, then brings her to the corner. Butterfly suplex out of the corner. Toni rips Jamie off the apron, Britt misses a kcik, Ruby rolls her up for 1..2..NO!!!! NO FUTURE TO BRITT!!! Cover for 1..2….NO!!!!!! Britt reverses into…..LOCKJAW!!!!!! Ruby turns it into a pin for 1..2..NO!!!!! Jamie in to shove the foot and change momentum!!! Rollup from Britt! 1..2…NO!!!!! Britt with a neckbreaker, almost punches Jamie on the apron on accident! Britt turns. Ruby is waiting for her with Destination Unknown! Cover for 1..2…3!!!!
Winners: Toni Storm and Ruby Soho
This match was a lot of fun, although I wonder what they think the win for Ruby does other than prolong a program that perhaps some don’t want to see. I’m down for it, even if it still seems pretty one-sided.
Total Rating: **3/4
Match Time: 9:40
Britt holds the leg of Ruby, and here’s Jamie with the Owen Hart title to clock Ruby in the face!!
Jericho and Regal are on commentary.
Jericho: “I’m surprised you’re still alive, Regal!”
Regal: “Keep talking, you’ll bore me to death.”
Match 6: Jon Moxley vs Daniel Garcia
Test of Stre—nope! LOCKUP! Garcia backed into the corner. Ref breaks them up. Moxley hits the ropes, shoulder tackle off of the ropes. Chop in the conrer. Whip to Garcia, chops to Moxley, another, another, right hands, but Jon no sells and chops. Garcia up, they trade chops in the middle of the ring. Snapmare from Garcia, and a kick to the back. Garcia is proud of himself, bu Jon is not impressed. They go face ot face. Garcia shoves the face of Jon, Jon smacks the shit out of him, hits a snapmare, and kicks the back. Another snapmare. Headbutt from Garcia. Kick from Jon, double underhook, but Garcia is quick to shove Jon into the ropes and to the outside! Jon’s forehead has been opened up! Garcia shoves Jon into the steps. Garcia grabs the steps and traps Jon’s leg between them an dthe post. Dropkick to the steps.
We are back and Garcia tries for a Sharpshooter, but Moxley gouges the eyes. Jon kicks the mid section on the outside, then front suplexes Garcia ONTo the steps. Holy shit, it was like a toss onto the steps! Yeesh! Jon stands in the middle of the ring. Hits a clothesline. Another. A third in the corner. He sits Garcia up on the top rope. Locks the head, another suplex off the top!!! Cover for 1..2..NO!!!! Moxley drives elbows into the face over and over. Sleeper hold! He drops down but Garcia rolls through and hits his own elbows to Moxley!!!! Over and over and over! Sleeper!!! He hops onto the back, but this time Jon rolls through and drives some elbows! CROSS ARM BREAKER FRO MMOXLEY!!! Garcia escapes, hooks the legs! He hooks the head! Jon reaches for the ropes, gets the break! Jon up in the corner. Back elbow from Jon. Garcia rolls Jon through, but Moxley gets a cradle, 1..2.NO!!! GEMAN TO GARCIA!! GARCIA NO SELLS IT!! PALM STRIKE!! GERMAN!!!! Garcia locks the head, PILEDRIVER!!! Cover for 1..2…..NO!!!!!
Garcia tries for another sharpshooter! HE GETS IT!!!! HE SITS! He leans back to cinch the hold ,but Moxley grabs his head to choke!!!! Counter to pni!!! 1..2..NO!!!! Moxley up!!! Punch, back and forth, kick from Garcia, right hand from both. BOTH MEN FALL!!!! Moxley to the outside. Garcia follows! He’s on the back of Moxley! Moxley slams Garcia ONTO THE TABLE!!!! Jon grabs Garcia, rolls him into the ring.
HUGE AEW CHANT!!!
Here comes Jericho!!!! Moxley waits for ihm! Garcia up! ROLLUP NO!!! Kick from Moxley!!!
EDDIE IS HERE!!!
PARADIGM SHIFT!!!! BULLDOG CHOKE!!!
Winner: Jon Moxley
HOLLYYY SHIITTTTT!!! This was a showing or Garcia! The crowd definitely gave him a lot of love to the point where if he won, I highly highly doubt the crowd would be mad. Truly, the only issue I had was one I’m sure everyone would have, and that’s the obvious camera shot of Moxley tucking in his blade. Still…Amazing.
Total Rating: ****
Match Time: 11:39
Jon grabs the mic, says if Jericho wants Blood and Guts, sign up Jon Moxley. You got Blood and Guts.
End Show
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