wrestling / TV Reports
Acero’s WWE RAW Review 12.13.21
Image Credit: WWE
Loading...Hey all, it’s Bobby Lashley’s tailor, and when I tell you the size of his shoulder pads, you’re going to FLIP!
It’s Monday…you know what that means.
We are in St. Paul, Minnesota, and tyhey look like they’ve got a full ass house, actually. Lashley’s music hits, and out comes Handsome Squidward himself.
MVP alls Lashley Candyman, saying that if you utter Lashley’s name, he’ll show up, and bad things will happen. MVP then says this generation of superstars have an issue with respect. Guys like Rollins and Owens, coming out whining and complaining, backstabbing, doing whatever it takes to get a title shot, but Lashley doesn’t complain or whine; he makes statements. It’s imperative that he is added to the Day One PPV, because there is no better way than to start the year off with this man:
As your WWE Champion.
Kevin Owens comes out, taking umbrage to being called disrespectful. He hasn’t cared about anything Lashley has done in the past two years, but now he’s trying to weasel his way into the match at Day One. Even Seth earned it, just like he did. There’s a HUGE Owens fan in the crowd giving her thumbs up. Lol. Cute.
Owens says he is doing this for fans, so they can have a good example, and Lashley doesn’t belong in the title match. Hard enough to be a triple threat. Nobody wants Lashley there, he’s going to management
And here comes Seth Rollins. He says we cant star the show without the star of the show, and that’s him. He’s wearing a purple and black number that’s tame by comparison of his prior looks. He gives props to Lashley’s red carpet gear, and as much as he despises Owens, he’s gotta take his side. He doesn’t think Lashley should be in the title match, just like Owens shouldn’t be.
MVP points at both of them, calling them terrified. Lashley says if they don’t want him in the match, come in the ring and do something about it, which makes ZERO sense.
Owens tells Seth they can work together, and Lashley cant take both of them. Seth agrees, and Owens tells him to go first. MVP says if Seth comes in the ring, Owens will run.
BIG E is here to add to this hilarious Improv of Comedy. Big E calls them all a “Collection of Idiots.”
Big E says while Owens and Seth may be shakin in their boots, Big E tells Lashley that he beat him to become the champion. Lashley brings up that he was injured and had a match. Big E says he also beat him inside of a steel cage, and Big E has no problem doing it one more time. Ringside fans are hyped.
Sonya and Adam come out, saying that none of them can lay a finger on or in each other. Pearce is wearing a Greenbay Packers tie. Sonya says that a four way match sounds like a great idea. She officially adds Lashley. Pearce says they have to finish, because MVP and Lashley are all happy. Pearce clarifies that he will be added if Lashley can defeat Big E, Kevin Owens, AND Seth Rollins in one-on-one competition.
We go back to last Monday where our newest journalist, Matt Riddle, got dropped by Otis. We then go back to earlier today, where Riddle is picking at his blazer. He tells Orton that he’s been watching tape, and Orton hopes he’s watching tape on their opponents, and not just tape on Riddle wearing the blazer. Orton says the title need to be at the top of their lists. Riddle says they need to be podcasters. They could be rich like Scrooge or become Shamans and gives smooth life advice. Orton says no, tells him to stop hanging out with jackasses. Orton brings up Otis, saying he should be focused. Riddle says he is thinking so hard about Otis.
That entire segment was….no.
Backstage, owens, Seth, and Big E are chatting it up with Pearce and Deville and give a spectacular example of why, at least a loose script, can sometimes help things.
Match 1: Matt Riddle vs Otis
Matt tries to lock in an arm submission, but Otis is too strong. Riddle corners Otis and hits a bunch of kicks. Riddle hits the ropes, but Otis trucks his ass down hard. Otis sends Riddle to the outside. Otis looks to leave the ring, but the ref stops him. Otis finally leaves the ring as Orton stops Gable from attacking with a singular look. Otis attacks the back and sends Riddle into the ring. He tries to follow in, Riddle kicks. Riddle off the apron, Otis catches him, Riddle swings his body and hits a DDT and we go to commercial.
We are back and Otis has Riddle hurting in the middle of the ring. He’s lightly holding his face, but I suppose it’s supposed to look menacing. Orton asks the crowd for some help, but Otis clubs th back of Riddle. Whip to the corner, Riddle hops over the running Otis, and he eats post. Riddle hops to the apron, runs and kicks the face of Otis! Riddle to the top rope, flies for a crossbody, Otis catches him! Riddle hops off, hits a bunch of palm strikes, big knee to the face, Riddle bounces off the ropes withanother knee. Otis still standing. Otis sends Riddle to the corner, back elbow from Riddle, Riddle to the top rope, Riddle flips off the top! Otis is down! Ridle calls for the RKO!
Orton himself removes his jacket, lol. Riddle goes for it, but Otis shoots him to the ropes, pump up, and a huge slam down. 1..2….3!!!!
Winner:
While I’m not opposed to giving Otis a push alongside Gable, if it’s consistent, I question the up and down of this team, particularly since they lost last week. Just odd. As for the match, most of it was eaten up by a commercial, but it was perfectly average.
Total Rating: **
Match Time: 7:22
Orton runs into the ring, tries for an RKO on Otis, but Otis shoves Orton. Orton RKOs Gable! He turns, Otis trucks him down!!! Otis drops Orton!
We are reminded of the whole Bianca and Piper thing, and it appears we’re getting a rematch?
Match 2: Bianca Belair vs Piper Niven
The girls go at it for a few seonds until Bianca’s speed takes over, as she hits the ropes a handful of times, leap frogs over Piper, and even gets a dropkick, none of which actually drop Piper. Bianca tries for a body slam, but she cant get it. Piper drops her then coers for 1..NO! Piper clubs the chest in the corner then rushes with a splash. Piper sends Bianca into the corner, rushes it, Bianca loks the head, hits a sloppy head scissors and Piper heads to the outside. Piper to the apron. Bianca with ome right hands, Piper hits one of her own, grabs the hair and tries to corner Bianca, but Belair tries the handspring into the ropes. Piper side steps and grabs the feet, pulling her les against the ropes then a kick right to the face of Bianca! Elbow drop from Piper!
Back from a break, and Bianca has Piper cornered with some punches. She flies off the top Piper atches her, hits an elow, Piper with a Michinoku Driver. Cover for 1..2…NO!!!! Piper grabs Bianca’s hair and talks some shit loudly. She grabs Bianca by the chin, tries to slap her, but Bianca stops her, hits a slap of her own, tries for another, Bianca grabs her on the side, hits a Saito Suplex! Cover for 1..2…NO!!!!! Piper drags Bianca to the corner, looking for a big splash. Bianca is up, pulls Piper’s face into the buckle.
Bianca sets herself up under Piper. POWERBOMB TO PIPER!!! Bianca to the top rope! She flies with a 450 splash! Cover for 1..2….3!!
Winner: Bianca Belair
A little longer than I would have liked with a lot of sloppiness to start, but I’m hoping this allows the girls to move on.
Total Rating: *1/2
Match Time: 10:10
And just as my hopes are written, we see Piper attack Bianca from behind at the top of the stage as the WEIRDEST chants of YOU SUCK start.
Also of note, I don’t recall seeing Piper head to the back.
Owens calls a lot of things trash, including St. Paul, and continues to try to get over his, “And that…is no lie” thing.
We are introduced to 15 newbs that were recently signed by the WWE before seeing Gable in the crowd. Owens is not impressed and neither am I.
Lashley and MVP give some love to Gable Stevenson. Interesting.
Match 3: Kevin Owens vs Bobby Lashley
Owens attacks Lashley in the corner as he’s talking to MVP. They hit shoulder tackles in the middle of the ring. Owens gets no go, but Lashley damn near spins Owens in the air. Right hand, locks the head, Lashley lifts and hits a delayed suplex to Owens. Owens sends Lashley to the outside, Lashley stands tall. Owens to the apron, dives with a cannonball, but Lashley just steps out of the way like a coo cat. Owens falls flat on hi back. Lashley leaves the ring, runs around the ring, he hits a shoulder tackle, but since there was no train sound, it doesn’t knock Owens out. Lashley sends Owens in the ring. SUPERKICK from Owens! Pin! 1…2..NO!!! MVP yells “It’s Time to get Angry!” Love that.
Backstage, Big E is taking copious notes.
Owens hits a tornado DDT out of the corner. Cover for 1..2…N!O!! Lashley whips owens into the corner, hard. Shoulders to Owens. Lashley waits for Owens to stand, Owens tries for a right, Lashley blocks. He gutwrenches Owens onto his shoulders then drops him hard. Surprise rollup from Owens, 1…2..NO!!!
Owens goes for a Stunner. Lashley shoves him, SPINEBUSTER!!! Lashley tries for the Full nelson, but Owens taps the second it’s locked in.
Winner: Kevin Owens
I’m not one for rumors and unproven predictions, but Owens wrestled like he’s on his way out here.
Total Rating: *1/2
Match Time: 4:34
Seth Rollins is pissed backstage, and he is next.
Becky Lynch is here before anything else, as we get a recap of the Liv v Becky saga, that supposedly ended last week.
Becky welcomes us to the big time. She says it was a big night for Liv Morgan last week, but she is still the champion. Some are happy she won, but a lot of us wished Liv would have won. On the off-chance that Liv did beat Becky, if she was standing here with the title, we would find every reason to doubt the same woman that made us believe in her. WE don’t know what we want. Remember when we wanted Becky back? Then she came back, and we had opinions on how she does her job even though we’ve never stepped foot in this ring, we never left at the height of our career and came back better than ever. We’ve never had to evolve.
Becky moves to disappointment and shows the little girl who was mad last week. She loves to see it. She tells us to get used to this look, because she will be holding onto this title for a very long time.
Liv Morgan is here to tell Becky that St. Paul is getting sick and tired of listening to Becky’s broken record. Becky keeps saying people woud dobut her, but the only person that is doubting her here is Becky. This is why Becky almost lost last week, and why she had to cheat to win. Liv has her own little photo to prove her point.
We see Becky using the ropes to win last week. Liv says Becky should be really proud. She is the best, the best at cheating to win. Liv cried a little bit after their match, but not because she is weak – she is human, and she was disappointed. Liv interacts with a fan nearby, but there’s a mega Becky fan behind her lol. Liv tells Becky that she’s not embarrassed. If anything, Liv reminded her why their story isn’t over. She wants the title to mean something again, from people like that little girl, and if she’s really Big Time Bex, then she’d accept a rematch at Day One.
Becky says she didn’t have to cheat, she did it because it was easy. Don’t blame Becky for grabbing the ropes, blame herself for not beating her to it. For not being ready. Liv is not ready. She doesn’t have the killer instinct. She does what she always does – nothing.
Liv rushes the ring, tries to attack, hits a sloppy Thesz Press, then hits some right hands. Kick to Bekcy, another kick, a high enziguri. Liv screams like a banshee. Becky rolls outside. Liv follows. Becky sends her into steps. Becky places sher fingers in between stpes and post and stomps the back a few times, then hits a run and kick to the steps. A weird ass dropkick to the steps. Becky with the stomps.
Becky grabs a mic, says looks like Liv went and injured herself, but if she wants that match, she’s on. Since there is no one else to challenge her, she’s going to go home, train, and chill with her hot husband and beautiful baby. She tells Liv to put some ice on that.
We switch geats to Omos and AJ and their impending breakup.
Backstage, AJ is asked for insight regarding he and his team. AJ says they weren’t on the same page, but he’s not ready to give up on this tag team. Ya don’t give up on something like that. It’s growing pains. They were tag team champions. You don’t give up on something like that. He’s been in this business a long time, and he’s never seen anyone like Omos. When things get bad, it’s his fault. He’s gotta show Omos how to do things the right way. He didn’t discover him just to boost his career; it was about giving back, an investment. Omos is a good kid, and AJ wants to see him succeed in this business.
In comes the good kid. Omos asks if they’re good. AJ says they are golden. They aren’t giving up. Omos taps the shoulder. They walk away together.
Earlier today, Dana and Reggie walked around St. Paul to talk about nothing. Reggie asks her out on a date of hot chocolate.
Is that a euphemism?
Truth and Akira are in disguise, again, and try to attack Dana, but Reggie is there to stop them. Tamina comes out of nowhere to lift Dana, Dana hits a back elbo, a kick, and a few punches send her reeling. Dan hits a totally not on purposely placed trampoline to hop over a small hill of snow. Tamina runs up to Truth and Akira to tell them to stay out of her way, then he and Truth try to say YOU at the same time.
Match 4: Robert Roode and Dolph Ziggler vs Finn Balor and Damien Priest
Roode and Priest start off. Roode knocks Finn off the apron, kick from Priest, Ziggler enters, Priest lifts him high and drops him hard. Priest rushes the corner with a back elbow to Dolph, one for Roode. Priest sends both over the top rope, then leaves the ring, uses the steps to fly with a sloppy duble clothesline.
Back from break, and Roode hits a sick spinebuster on the outside! Ziggler to the outside! Finn flies over the top rope onto Roode and Ziggler! Finn sends Ziggler back in, dropkick to the corner! Finn to the top rope!
Austin Theory is on the apron to take a selfie! Finn clotheslines him! Zig Zag! Pin for 1..2…3!!!
Winners: Robert Roode and Dolph Ziggler
Lol. That match was like 7 minutes, and more than half was during a commercial.
Total Rating: *
Match Time: 7:25
Theory gets himself another selfie with the KOd Finn. He celebrates up the ramp.
Last week, Nikki is upstaged by Jerry Lawler.
This week, her insecurities show up. Rhea tries to make her feel better, saying she has the champion mentality, and she wants that Nikki back.
Rhea and Nikki make their entrance, then we go to break.
We come back to Carmella in leather pants. Yay. She introduces Queen Zelina.
Here comes the Queen to some very obviously fake…cheers? Boos? Whatever it is, it sounds artificial.
Match 5: Queen Zelina vs Rhea Ripley
Zelina rolls under a lockup, but gets dropkicked to the face. She lifts Zelina. Carmella gets on the apron, yells for hea to put Zelina down, so Rhea drops her. Rhea goes for Riptide, but Nikki chases Carmella into the ring. Carmella sends Nikki into the corner, Rhea goes to check on her,
Zelina runs with knees to the back of Rhea. Zelina rolls up Rhea for 1…2..3!!!
Winner: Queen Zelina
Lol. Trash.
Total Rating: NR
Match Time: :49
Seth is backstage going over his game plan, but Owens comes up to him. Owens wonders why he is yelling, telling him to calm down. Owens says there is an issue here and they gotta take care of this. He should go out with Seth, because MVP is with Lashley. Seth brings up tapping out. Owens says of course, why would he want to get injured before the match. Owens is smart. Take his advice. He’ll go out there with him. Seth says Owens plans don’t work well for him. Seth says no, he’ll do this on his own. Owns calls this a mistake.
Match 6: Seth Rollins vs Bobby Lashley
Rollins is all about the fuckery, trying to get Lashley out of the ring. He sens Lashley into the post and slides back into the ring, looking for a countout victory, but Lashley gets back in at 9 and demolishes Seth with suplexes and gutwrenches. Seth floats off of one, and leaves the ring.
Seth waits by the barricade, but Owens runs down the ramp and attacks Seth Rollins. He punches him until the ref calls for a DQ.
Winner: Seth Rollins via DQ
Total Rating:
Match Time:
And of course, because this time it’ll make sense but damned near never every single time in the history of wrestling, Pearce and Deville come down to restart this match, and it will be NO DQ, including the next one if he has one.
SPEAR from Lashley. Cover for 1..2…3!!!
Backstage, Vince is talking to Apollo. Theory barges in, showing off to Vince about what he did to Finn. Vince calls this unimpressive. Is Theory asking for a pat on the back? A trophy of some kind? Maybe an autograph? No. Theory says if he had a match, he could show what he’s capable of. Vince questions his barging in, they are not buddies. Theory just thought if he did what Vince said, he’d…
SHUT UP!
Vince says Theory is not his friend; he doesn’t have any, doesn’t want any. Thoery has not impressed him, yet. Thoery doesn’t know what to say. Vince says he will have to use his most deadly weapon in the world. He grabs a pencil. Thoery doesn’t understand. Vince says the eraser is important.
Uh….
Anyways, Maryse’s music hits, so let’s move on.
We return to Maryse telling us she is hosting MizTV tonight. She introduces her husband who has a presentation of sorts for us. We then get a video package of an endorsement for Miz to be inducted into the Hall of Fame for 2022.
Miz is near tears in the ring, as well as Maryse. What a career, says Miz.
Edge is here to interrupt the festivities. He gets a lot of love from the crowd.
He says sometimes the squeaky wheel doesn’t get the grease, it just squeaks and squeaks. He says this a bout twenty times. Miz tells him enough, Edge asks if that is annoying, Miz says yes, and Edge says now he knows how we feel every time he opens his mouth.
Edge tells Miz he’d get all the love and the inductions he so clearly craves if he would just shut up. Edge knows how good Miz is, but he also knows why Miz acts the way he acts.
Miz: “Oh Edge, you think you know me?”
Ha.
Edge says he’s seen so many guys like Miz crash and burn. The layers of BS and “me first” is to just hide the fact that he’s insecure.
Miz is afraid? Of Old Edge? Sure, but this Edge? Nah.
Miz has been told he’s not good enough so many times that he started to believe it, so he overcompensates. Edge knows he’s a future HOFer. He knows he has his hands full. At the end of the day, Edge is going to have to teach Miz a lesson, because he said in 2006, Edge didn’t help him enough. Maybe he didn’t, so at Day One, he’ll show Miz that he still has lessons to learn and he’s going to knock that stupid constipated look off his face.
Miz tosses champagne to the face. He attacks, but Edge has on Jordans, so he is able to kick Miz and hit a DDT. Edge looks for a spear, but Maryse is in the way. Miz kicks Edge, hits the Skull Crushing Finale, and stands above Edge. He kisses Maryse as she looks on in anger. Miz holds her hand in the air, and she pulls it away. She says she has two kids now, Miz cant be doing that anymore. Miz wonders why she’s acting like this. Maryse tells him to stand back. Miz is still mad. Maryse slaps him in the face and leaves the ring. They both leave the ring, arguing up the ramp.
Backstage, Seth and Kevin walk up to Big E to cheer him on. Owens says he has a plan. Big E says he will beat Lashley without them. If they want this match to remain a Triple Threat, stay far away.
Match 7: Big E vs Bobby Lashley
Big E drops Bobby quick like, then heads outside to grab a table. He sets it up against the apron, but Lashley is here to send him into the barricade hard. Again, back first. Bobby sends Big E into the ring as MVP puts the table bac under the ring to some boos. Lashley shoots out of the corner, but Big E locks up and STOs him down hard. Cover for 1….NO!!! Big E heads back outside to grab the table again. He sends it into the ring. Big E attacks Lashley from behind, then grabs the table and sets it up in the corner. Right hands to Lashley, he lifts Lashley to the shoulders, rusn, but Lashley floats off, shoves, Big E stops himself, Flatliner! Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Lashley leaves the ring and goes under it to grab…..a chair.
Lashley and his chair head into the ring. He sets it up between rope 1 and 2 then turns into a belly to belly, a second one is hit. Big E with the third! Big E gyrates, hits the ropes, Big Splash, but Lashley rolls out of the way. He’s up and sends Big E int—no! Big E reverses and sends Lashley dome first into the chair!
We are back, and Big E hits a suplex to Bobby Lashley. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Big E clubs the chest of Lashley on the apron, then hops up to the apron for a running splash. He hits it! Lashley rolls towards the barricade, Big E grabs him, Lashley lifts him up and sends Big E into the ringpost! Big E rolls into the ring, Lashley grabs a table. He takes it over to the outside of the ramp. MVP looks to be toying with a table as well. Lashley heads u pthe steps, onto the apron, grabs Big E and wants to suplex him over the ropes to the outside table. Big E ight back, hits some rights, Lashley holds on with one hand. Another big right. A third, and Lashley hangs on. Big E hits the ropes. SPEA—NO!!! Lashley with a knee! He enters the ring. CHOKESLAM TO BIG E THROUGH THE CORNER TABLE!!! Cover for 1..2…NO!!!
Back from another break, and Lashley is getting whipped into some steps. Big E takes off the top portion and looks to body slam Lashley onto the bottom. He DOES SO, and Lashley sells it like death. Nice. Big E sends him into the ring, looks for The Big Ending, Big E floats over, looks for Hurt Lock, Big E rolls through, SPEAR FROM LASHLEY!!! Lashley goes to cover…
Here comes Rollins and Owens!!!! They attack Lashley with some stomps! Owens even stomps out MVP! Big E is up, he attacks Seth, then Owens, beating them both in the back. Owens fights back, Seth shoots the leg. They double team Big E, now. Owens and Rollins stand up, stomp Big E a few more times. Lashley is up! He attacks Owens then Rollins! Owens takes Big E to the outside nad looks to powerbomb him through a tabkle, but Big E with a Rock Bottom to Owens though th table!!!
In the ring! SPEAR TO ROLLINS THROUGH THE TABLE!!!!
Big E in the ring. He tells Lashley to get his ass up so they can finish this right now, but MVP enters the ring! He clips Big E in the knee!!! SPEAR FROM LASHLEY! Cover! 1..2….3!!!
Winner: Bobby Lashley
It was a long road to get to where we already knew we were going, full of twists and turns that no one asked for, culminating in a car crash of behemoths. So there’s that…
Total Rating: **
Match Time: Stopwatch Issues
End Show
