wrestling / TV Reports
Acero’s WWE Smackdown Review 5.29.20
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This is an intro. Enjoy it.
Yo, so I RAN into my house, flicked on the feed, opened up my laptop, and was hoping there was some opening recap segment or some shit because I really needed to take a piss, and when I turned on the tv…what transpired just…wow.
OH…..MY….GOOODDDDDD
Smackdown starts with the remains of a car accident. Renee Young is nearby to ask some cops what’s going on. There is an invoice for the rental car and it’s Jeff’s name on the invoice. Braun Strowman is standing nearby his own car and says he doesn’t know who did this but it’s rdiciulous. Someone flew out of nowhere and hit Elias with their car. We see Elias being stretchered away as the cops run towards a man in the bushes.
Cops shoo Renee Young away, saying this is a crime scene, but apparently referees are allowed to be detectives, because they and Jamie Noble follow only to find Jeff Hardy in the bushes acting bewildered. The cops “smell alcohol” and ask Jeff a few questions .They claim that Jeff smells like the “same bottle of alcohol in the car,” and arrest Jeff Hardy. Noble and Jason Jordan tell him to just cooperate and they’re on their way, too.
We then get about 30 different angles of the ambulance driving away, followed by one final look at the car that’s up on a curb into a pole.
Backstage, the roster is updated that Elias cannot perform tonight in the IC Championship Match. They are also informed that Jeff has been arrested, and Sheamus says what a shock. Fifth or sixth strike? Pathetic junkie, says Sheamus. AJ says it sounds like a plan to him; its Bryan v AJ in the finals. Apparently, he’s entitled to that right. Bryan wants to offer a shot to new opponents. AJ calls this the dumbest thing he’s ever heard. Bryan calls him a coward. Sheamus agrees with Daniel, he deserves another shot.
Corbin offers a match with AJ. AJ says no, he didn’t sign up for this. The guys making the noise lost. AJ isn’t an iduit like some; he’s taking his buy to the finals.
Sheamus calls it. Sheamus v Bryan v Corbin to face AJ in the finals.
Jey points out they both lost and wonders who wants some action, one time.
Dolph is confused as to which Uso this is. He says this is the IC Title and he’s a six time champ, and we’ve forgotten how good he is. Gable says no one forgot, they just know he’s a jack ass. Bryan and AJ get their respective wishes. First, we will have a Battle Royal to see who faces Daniel for his spot.
Everyone leaves except AJ and Bryan. AJ calls him an idiot.
The most important thing to come out of this is that Drew Gulak is back.
Match 1: Battle Royal
Buncha Fools vs Some Other Fools
Sheamus takes umbrage with Cole and yells at him, allowing Gable to try and eliminate him. Corbin is in the corner with some of the Lucha guys while Cesaro and Gulak wrestle on the apron. Dolph is chillin in the corner, and Nakamura is in the opposite. Corbin hits a right hand, eliminating Lince Durado. Gulak tries to eliminate Corbin, but Drew fights back with some rights. Corbin sends him into the ropes chest first then underhooks and pulls Drew over the top rope, eliminating him in the process. Jey with a kick to Cesaro. Right from Corbin to Jey. Corbin with a right to the chest. Nak goes for a knee in the corner, but Gable moves and tries to lift Nak up and over. Cesaro is trying to do the same to Jey, but Jey holds on. Ziggler and Corbin team up to take on Grand Metalik. He hits them with an elbow, then a splash in the corner. He walks the ropes and gets Superkicked by Dolph, then Corbin eliminates him! Corbi and Dolph celebrate, then Dolph tries to eliminate Corbin. Corbin’s head is too slick. He claps hands with Dolph then sends him over with one hand. Jey kicks Corbin, eliminating him over the top rope!
We come back to the match with Gable hitting a tornado DDT to Sheamus off the apron. Jey hits. Superkick to Cesaro, then to Shinsuke. Gable rolls with a kick to Cesaro. Jey with a butt splash to the face. Cesaro ends up with Gable on the apron. Gable tries to take Cesaro down over the top by the head, and does so! Cesaro pulls on Gable, but Gable is able to hold on. Cesaro is pissed. He attacks, but Gable enters the ring, only for Nakamura to hit a knee. Nakamura misses a few kicks. Gable eliminates him! Shin tries to attack. The refs go out of the ring to stop him. Cesaro runs into the room, and he eliminates Gable.
Considering there are no DQs, refs didn’t need to be distracted anyway…
Jey is able to kick Sheamus away a few times, flies off the top rope, superkick to Sheamus, Jey clotheslines him over the top rope, but Sheamus hangs on! Jey grabs the head of Sheamus, Sheamus shoves the face, locks the head. Jey over the top rope. Both men on the apron. Shemaus rakes the eyes. Sheamus with a right, but it’s blocked. Right hands from Jey. Another. C
hop from Jey. Jey runs the apron, goes for a Superkick, but Sheamus sends Jey into the post back first, then hits a Brogue to send Jey flying. Sheamus wins.
Winner: Sheamus
A battle royal is a battle royal, so ya get what ya get. At least it gives a reasoning for the opening segment.
Total Rating: *
Backstage, Sonya cuts a nice promo about Lacey, but Lacey is behind her and shoves her like a seven year old would shove a five year old, and calls her a nasty.
Backstage, Gable is upset. He’s mad that his opportunity was stolen from him. Cesaro tells him that Gable seems lost. This is the big league. Someone like him being the IC Champiopn? Ha! Cesaro will do him a favor; he will give Gable a chance to walk away. The alternative is him entering the ring with him. Gable hits him hard with an elbow, says challenge accepted. Nak holds Cesaro back.
Lacey has one of them AR things.
Match 2: Lacey Evans vs Sonya Deville
Sonya shoots the legs. Lacey ain’t havin it. Lacey allows Sonya to mount her. Sonya takes advantage, but Lacey with the double leg takedown. Stalemate as Lacey flexes. They lock up and hit the ropes. Sonya with a tackle. She shoves Lacey, stands on the hair of Lacey, pulls the leg up and slams it down hard then kicks Lacey in the chest. Cover for 1…2..NO!!! Sonya stands o the hair of Lacey, but Lacey shoots the lgs up and takes Sonya down. Kick to Sonya. She lifts and plants Sonya face first! Gator roll to the outside, and Lacey traps Sonya in the apron. She beats her down in the face a bit. Lacey drops Sonya bhind the apron. Lacey takes a small break.
Sonya is back up. She takes Lacey down hard. Right hands to Lacey over and over. Ref is at 8. Lacey munts. She pulls Sonya up and ref hits 10.
Winner:
When you consider where these girls were about a year ago, this is a welcomed change. They were vicious and unforgiving, and I enjoyed the oneupmanship.
Total Rating: **1/2
Match Time: 4:13
Sonya isn’t done. She sends Lacey into the announce table. Lacey does the same, but she sends Sonya into the corner of the table, ribs first. Lacey enters the ring to yell at Sonya. Sonya grabs a headset and tells Lacey she’ll fight her on her terms. Yeah, after the match that just construed that wasn’t on your terms.
Backstage, Ryker and Cutler and Blake talk about appreciating what they’ve done for their country. Blake says they willno longer turn the other cheek. Their blood was on our hands, so now it’s only fair that our blood is on theirs.
Ok….how bout we don’t do this gimmick in 2020, yeah?
After a commercial break, we are introduce to Bliss and her best friend, Nikki Cross.
Bliss welcomes us to A Moment of Bliss. Nikki asks for coffee as Bliss welcomes The New Day.
Bliss says they are here to scope out the competition. Nikki has Scottish Pancakes for them. It’s a special recipe. Kofi is so shocked and happy about it. They also have gifts. Big E pulls out some coffee beans from JABOOTY. He pours them in the empty cups that Nikki was just reaching for. Yeah.
Kofi adds water to the beans and stirs with a spoon Big E pulls out of his singlet.
Bliss says she’ll drink it later. She wonders if there are any teams that stand out.
Kofi brings up The Forgotten Sons. Big E brings up The Iiconics, but what bout Smackdown? WHO??
HERE’S BAYLEY!
She’s with Sasha, and they see a great tag team in the ring, but certainly not the best.
They enter the ring and Sasha removes her jacket and I faint…
Nikki congratulates Bayley on her win against Flair last week. Bayley calls herself the most dominant SD champ in history. Bliss says that the second Bayley started talking, she stopped listening. Alexa targets Sasha directly, saying where her title is.
Bayley calls Alexa Charlotte Jr. She pimps up Sasha, saying she is the leader of this division, and since she is the conversation, THEY put the tag team titles on the map.
Bayley goes hype man as Sasha talks more with her shoulders than her mouth. Sasha says if they wanted to, they could win the titles right back. But this time and this place, Sasha will show them what a great ta team they are when Sasha faces Alexa right here and now.
Sasha doesn’t seem too happy about it. She says she’s not dressed. She’s got heels on. Bayley says she’ll get her some shoes from the buss. Alexa tosses her jacket at Sasha and dropkicks her.
Match 3: Sasha Banks vs Alexa Bliss
Sasha sends Alexa into the corner. Alexa tries to roll her up for .1.2..NO!!! Another rollup for 1..2..NO!!! A third for 1….2..NO!!! Kick from Sasha. Sasha with a whip to the ropes, goes for an arm drag, gets a pin for 1..2..NO!!! Sasha reverses for 1..2…NO!!! Alexa with a right hand to the face. Alexa rolls then drops some knees. Cover for 1..2.NO!!! Alexa rushes the corner, goes for a slap. Sasha reverses, swings with some knees. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Sasha with a cocky cover for 1..2..NO!!! Sasha sends Alexa in the corner, slaps her in the face, then stomps her away, and chokes her up. Sasha with a knee to the gut, she snapmares then hits the ropes and drops some knees on Alexa’s face. Sasha pins with her tongue out. 1…2…NO!!! Sasha pulls back the arms of Alexa as Bayley asks for a spray bottle to squirt Nikki. She yells at her to sit down, and Nikki yells back as Cole stifles laughter.
Sasha tries to drive a knee into the back, but alexa stands and turns into the hold. She hits a knee to the gut. Another, Sasha catches her. Backbreaker and a cover for 1…2..NO!!! Saha yells at Alexa, says there is no chance in hell that she’ll beat her. Alexa fights out of the corner. Whip. Sashahops u, locks the head, Alexa pulls back and slams Sasha face first into the mat!!!! Sick. Alexa with a clothesline. Another. A slap to the face, Sasha hooks the arm and spins her down but Alexa hits a kick. Sasha dodges a splash, catches Bliss by the head with her legs, and sends her face first into the corner. Running knees to the face, then she drops some more onto the chest. Cover for 1…2..NO!!!! Sasha locks the chin from behind, Alexa rolls through for 1..2..NO!!!!! Sasha misse a right, and Alexa hits a hurricanrana. Hard right from Alexa!!! Alexa to the top rope. She’s slow to get there.
Bayley hops on the apron and…does the chicken dance?
Nikki hops up on the apron, Bayley shoves her into Alexa. Sasha with more knees. She hops over the apron onto the back of Alexa and rolls this into a pin. 1…..2….3!!!
Winner: Sasha Banks
Honestly, I loved 98% of this. The match was really good, Bayley and Nikki played their parts and Nikki came off as adorable. Bayley does need to lock in her character a bit more, because the chicken flap interruption seems out of character. Cole sucked.
Total Rating: *****
Match Time: 6:36
We get a recap of Jeff’s saga
Match 4: Cesaro vs Chad Gable
Gable starts quick with a kick to the chest. He attacks the face then gets whipped to the corner, only to roll over and flip into a pin for 1..2.NO!!! Cesaro up. Elbow. Moonsault from Gable. Cover for 1..2…N!O!!! Gable grabs the leg and drops a knee on it. Another hard knee on the leg. Cesaro kicks him away. Cesaro shoves, hits a clothesline off the ropes! Cesaro runs with a leg drop for 1..2..NO!!! Cesaro grabs Gable by the ear. Uppercut to the face. Cesaro wants a gutwrench, and is able to drop Gable on his back. Pin for 1..2.NO!!! Cesaro with a cravat from behind. He scrapes the face, pulling on the ar a bit. He locks the arm behind Gable, Gable turns into it, hits a right, Cesaro with a knee. Rope work and Gable hits a dropkick to the knee. He rushes with a cannonball, but Cesaro catches him, lifts him, and boom. POWERBOMB! Pin for 1..2..NO!!! Cesaro sits Gable on the corner, back to face. He clubs the back then stands on the 2nd. He goes for a back suplex, but Gable lands on his feet and picks the ankle! ANKLE LOCK! Cesaro sends Gable into the 2nd rope. Uppercut to Gable. 1..2…NO!!!
Cesaro rolls through for a pin and gets a 1..2..NO!!! Crucifix pin for 1…2…nO!!! Gable hits the ropes, rolls up and over for 1..2..3!!!
Winner:
I could watch these guys forever. Or at least for a few more minutes.
Total Rating: **
Match Time: 3:49
Mandy and Otis are poolside drinking some peach champagne. Cheers to spending alone time, they say, and multiple cameras are able to catch this alone time.
Mandy says she’s a little tired. Otis wants to swim. We then get to see Mandy’s dream…
Mandy looks over to Otis dipping his foot in the pool. She is entranced by his body, biting her finger as he checks the direction of wind. Otis slowly comes up from out of the water as she bites her lip. Otis says hello, says he’s always thought she was cute. We then get Otis walking under rain as she blows a kiss. Otis rips his shirt, and Mandy bites a peach. All very Fast Times. They make out under a sprinkler as Mandy squirts sunblock.
Otis interrupts this with a cannonball that splashes all over Mandy.
He apologizes and she says she was having an amazing dream. She then walks over and into the pool.
If you’re asking, no, there isn’t a single ass shot.
We then get Mandy making out with Otis in the pool, and Mandy saying, “Oh yeah!”
Kayla is excited about Riddle, but here comes Sheamus. He says she talks about Jeff for weeks, and look where it got her. Now she’s talking about Riddle, but Sheamus gets results. That’s’ why he’ll enjoy Brogue Kicking DBs face one more time. Sheamus has never won this title, and he won’t let AJ or Daniel stand in his way. He will be WWE’s first ever Ultimate Grand Slam Champion. He will leave a trail of bodies in the wake; this is his world and there is no place for the weak.
In comes Bryan, who has nothing to say. He just grins until Sheamus pokes him in the chest. Bryan kicks him in the shin.
Kurt Angle is backstage to talk about The Greatest Wrestling Match ever. He then wants to announce the next superstar who will be the face of this brand. He’s gotten to know this guy over the past few months, and even got to ref his last match on NXT. Tonight, he is happy to announce that he’s coming to Smackdown…
Matt Riddle gets a video package.
Match 5: Sheamus vs Daniel Bryan
Bryan outwrestles Sheamus to the mat and works the arm, then gets a fast chinlock. Sheamus backs him into the corner. Arm drag to Bryan. Sheamus kicks Bryan away. Bryan goes for the fingers, but Bryan goes for the arm again. Sheamus reverses and locks the arm up behind Bryan, pulling on the face with his other hand. Bryan gets him into the corner to break the hold .Right hands and some YES kicks! Uppercut to Sheamus. Another. A third. Sheamus fires back with a clothesline. Stomp to the chest. Another. Uppercut to Bryan. Blow to the back. He pulls on the nose of Bryan. Bryan flips over Sheamus from the corner. Dropkick to Sheamus. He sends Sheamus to the outside. Bryan hits the ropes. Suicide dive into Sheamus!
We come back to the match with Bryan working the left arm of Sheamus. Sheamus ain’t having it, though, and hits the ropes. Bryan dives over and locks up behind. Sheamus backs him up in th corner and hits a bunch of elbows, dropping them, and Bryan, down to the mat. He keeps going with the elbows, then drives a knee, another knee, another to the face. Bryan tries to stand, Sheamus grabs the head. He hits a knee lift to Bryan, sending him to the outside. Sheamus sends Bryan into the barricade. He asks Cole for yelp to start the Yes chant. He makes Cole do the Yes chant, and Cole sucks. Bryan back into the ring at 7. Clothesline off the top. Cover for 1..2…NO!!! Sheamus says he created the Yes Movement, and Bryan must thank him for everything. Bryan with a right hand. Kick to the leg. Uppercut, Sheamus sends him into the corner. Bryan kicks out, he launches himself and lands right into an Irish Curse backbreaker! Sheamus with the Cloverleaf! Bryan reaches for the ropes, grabs em. The hold is released at 3. Sheamus sends Bryan to the apron, Sheamus clubs, but Bryan blocks and hits his own rights. In the corner, Bryan rushes to the top but Sheamus kicks him down. He locks up for a Superplex, but Bryan holds the ropes. Sheamus punches the ribs, Bryan does so, too. He headbutts Sheamus down. Missile Dropkick to Sheamus. Bryan with the Yes kicks in the middle of the ring. He misses the final kick, Sheamus goes for a Crucifix, but Bryan rolls into a pin for 1..2..NO!!! Bryan works the arm, but Sheamus lifts him in the firemans and drops him in White Noise. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Sheamus punches Daniel into the corner and hits an uppercut. Whip and Bryan hits the corner. Drop toe hold! He kicks the ropes into the face of Sheamus. Running dropkick into the conrer. He goes for another, but Sheamus with an axe! Sheamus wants the Brogue but
JEFF HARDY is here! Bryan with a knee to the face of Sheamus! Cover for 1…2..3!!!
Winner:
The match itself was spectacular, and I love the mention of Sheamus creating the Yes movement. Had this been the sole reason for wrestling, I’d have loved it.
Total Rating: ***
Match Time: 13:11
As soon as the bell rings, Jeff attacks. He kicks Sheamus away and Sheamus crawls backwards up the ramp.
End Show.
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