Botched! 9.23.17: Gran Metalik Unmasked, Remembering The Brain, More

Hi, hello & welcome to the column that nobody in pro wrestling wants to be in, Botched! Maybe it’s just me, and it might just be me because I’ve been super busy, but it seems like there wasn’t much going on in this category this week. Next week should be packed with PPV goodness and maybe we’ll even get a Terry Funk moonsault over the weekend in North Carolina. Here’s what went wrong this week, along with a tribute to a legend at the end.

1. Gran Metalik Unmasks

This was a weird spot. Neville was wrestling Gran Metalik on Raw and they decided to do the classic lucha spot where the heel yanks on the mask to get heat and the advantage in the match.

https://twitter.com/Andrew_Ravens/status/910179621148282881

The issue was twofold:

1. They pulled a bit too much.
2. You could tell Metalik was doing most of the pulling and it looked really bad on camera.

Some are insisting this wasn’t a botch and will lead to some sort of angle, but I’m not holding my breath on that one. Either way, I’m calling botch because dude ripped his own mask right in front of the camera.

2. Jason Jordan vs. Steps

Poor Jason Jordan out here on Raw making a mistake I make probably once a week.

https://youtu.be/OqHAZPbIf4I

Fortunately nobody films me.

3. Tamina is not Lana, Tom.

I think I’ve figured out the problem with Lana managing Tamina. Its not the worst idea ever, but the fact is that when Lana & Tamina are in the same place, people like Tom Phillips are going to have their mind on Lana. And at the 4 minute mark of this video he will call Tamina “Lana” because that’s what is on his mind.

https://youtu.be/sLJ-Y7StFiY

Tom’s only human.

4. Starrcade Returns, Complete With WCW-Level Advertising

We’re all pretty excited about WWE branding a house show “Starrcade”. I was pretty excited by the Greensboro Coliseum’s match listing.

.@WWE LIVE STARRCADE is back on 11/25 for the first time in two decades with double steel cage match main events! Check out the lineup below pic.twitter.com/IBApHh6pMk

— Greensboro Coliseum Complex (@Gbocoliseum) September 18, 2017

“BOOBY ROODE” would be quite the re-packaging of The Glorious One. Even better…

“RICKY SEAMBOAT”.

You know, if his ex-wife still owned the copyright to his name maybe that’s what they’d be calling him if he still wrestled.

5. A Botched! Tribute to Bobby Heenan

This week marked the passing of the man widely considered the best manager of all time, Bobby “The Brain” Heenan. The Weasel was an important part of my early years as a wrestling fan, as I would hear his voice commentating on at least one show per week for most of the 1990s. I can’t imagine growing up a fan of this stuff without somebody like Heenan leading the way.

Of course, Heenan was involved in plenty of botches over the years. When you spend as much time in front of the camera as he did, it’s bound to happen. I thought it would be a fun tribute to look back at some of the most entertaining botched moments featuring the Brain.

Of course, there’s the classic SummerSlam interview with Bobby, “Ravishing” Rick Rude & “Mean” Gene Okerlund that never got started…

Gene curses at the SummerSlam sign & Bobby just walks off. Classic Brain. The whole thing is beneath him.

WCW was Botch Central. One time Bobby was stuck calling a replay that was in rewind. He did the best he could.

Who could forget the time he cursed at Brian Pillman on live television?

And of course, there was his calling Hulk Hogan’s heel turn before it happened.

I didn’t see the problem with this because it fit the Bobby Heenan character. He’d hated Hulk Hogan since their AWA days. But I see the other side of it too…we weren’t supposed to have any idea at all that Hulk could do such a thing. It would have been better for Bobby to low key say something along the lines of “This is the first time ever that I’m happy to see that guy.” Then Hogan does the turn and Heenan would be all like “I KNEW YOU COULDN’T TRUST THAT MAN! I TOLD YOU ALL FOR YEARS!”

More often than not though, Bobby was always in the right place at the right time with the right line. The wrestling world is much more botched without him. Rest in Power, Brain.

Thanks for reading! If you see (or hear) anything wrong in the world of wrestling, let me know via Twitter or e-mail at [email protected]. Have a good weekend!