CHIKARA Review: Café Culture

After about a month off, CHIKARA is back in the month of May with their first of four shows in the span of two weekends: Café Culture. Many wrestlers from around the globe have come in for this show, as well as the Saturday show in Philadelphia. Tonight, the Rey de Voladores tournament begins, many of CHIKARA’s teams look to rack up points, and The Osirian Portal looks to gain momentum into their Campeonatos de Parejas match tomorrow night!

Commentary is provided by Bryce Remsburg, Leonard F. Chikarason, Louden Noxious, Shayne Hawke, Mike Quackenbush, and Ultramantis Black.

The show opens with Louden Noxious singing “The Ballad of Hellertown”. I assume at this point CHIKARA knew they were leaving Hellertown for good in June, so this was a cute thing to do for the town.

The Fabulous Two (Mitch Ryder & Shayne Hawke) vs. Player Uno & Create-A-Wrestler

Mitch Ryder talks about how it does not matter who they’re facing tonight, and that they will be victorious and pick up their second point (after beating Cheech & Cloudy at Deuces Wild). Shayne refers to his opponents as “Create-A-Loser” and “Player doesn’t matter.” Awesome.

I realize why I enjoy Fabulous Two matches; they’re simple, yet effective. They have a very old school feel to them. It started out with Uno and Wrestler having some fun with Mitch, tagging in and out. Shayne comes in, and he and Mitch double team Wrestler. After being beat on for a bit, Wrestler blocked one of Shayne’s maneuvers with a cool looking gore/spinebuster combination. He then made the hot tag to Uno who came in and took on both Mitch and Shayne by himself. Shayne hit a superkick on Uno, sending him to the floor, which allowed Wrestler to come in. Wrestler took it to Shayne, but it was to no avail, as Mitch and Shayne hit their double team spike piledriver for the victory. This match was fun, made the heels look like a credible threat, and got their finish over. Exactly what an opening match should be. **1/2

Ophidian vs. Bobby Dempsey

Ophidian came out and scared a female fan so badly, that she jumped out of her seat behind other fans. Bobby Dempsey got a hell of a reaction when he came out, and Bobby seemed to love being there. The match was pretty good. Ophidian attempted offense, but Bobby kept using his girth to block whatever Ophidian had. Ophidian eventually thwarted Bobby when he charmed Bobby and followed up with double knees to the chest. Ophidian had the advantage on Bobby, using mostly mat-based offense. He eventually got into a punching match with Bobby, which Bobby obviously won gaining back his advantage. Bobby hit a power slam and his awesome cannonball into the corner. Bobby attempted a fireman’s carry, but Ophidian turned the move into the Ophidian Death Grip instead for the victory. A good match here that the crowd really enjoyed. **

Side note: Bryce Remsburg made a Flight of the Conchords reference during the match. When Bobby took down his straps for the cannonball, he said “It’s business time, Bret and Jemaine style!” I love Bryce Remsburg.

Amasis vs. Hallowicked

The match started off with some pretty neat looking lucha spots. After an exchange of moves between the two, Amasis gained the advantage and worked over Hallowicked’s arm for a long time. It was weird, because even after working over the arm for a long period it didn’t amount to a whole lot. Sure, Hallowicked did an excellent job of selling, but in the end the arm didn’t matter too much. Anyways, Amasis went up top for a move and Hallowicked quickly pounced to the top and tossed Amasis off with his under chin toss. Amasis lied on the mat asking what the heck just happened. Hallowicked had the advantage until Amasis cut him off once again. Amasis hit a very pretty 450 splash, but Hallowicked got his foot on the ropes. Both men got to their feet, and Hallowicked attempted a big boot. Amasis ducked, but Hallowicked still managed to catch him with the Rydeen Bomb for the victory. While the match was good, I don’t see the point in needing to have Hallowicked pin Amasis before the big Campeonatos de Parejas match tomorrow night. You would think Amasis should have pin Hallowicked to give them momentum. I guess not. **3/4

Icarus vs. Pelle Primeau

Pelle tells the camera on his way out that he only needs three seconds. The two traded some holds and such, with Pelle hitting a hurricanrana onto Icarus as he jumped from the apron to the inside of the ring. Icarus then took the advantage hitting Pelle with some power moves and hard strikes. He even applied an Octopus stretch to the delight of…well, no one. In all honesty, the crowd paid more attention to booing and cheering the wrestlers than the content of the match itself. Icarus went to knee Pelle in the gut, but Pelle countered by rolling Icarus up for the win. Good I suppose, but far too short to be considered significant. *1/4

Afterwards, Leonard F. Chikarason comes in the ring to congratulate Pelle and to ask him to join the Young Lions Cup in June. Pelle is quite happy with this, and accepts.

Rey de Voladores Qualifier: Lince Dorado vs. TJ Cannon vs. Helios vs. PSYCHO

PSYCHO is shown in the back as he grunts, points to the CHIKARA backdrop, grabs the camera, and grunts more. Glorious.

This match was elimination rules. It started off with a cluster of flips from all four competitors. Once the smoke was cleared, it was down to Lince Dorado and TJ Cannon. TJ played the role of the heel by slowing down the match and saying he was going to keep it on the ground. It wasn’t long before he got a lot of heat from the fans. Thankfully for them, PSYCHO squashed him with a beautiful top rope assisted senton for the pin. The three remaining combatants then got the crowd back into the match by providing them with the flips and cool looking moves they expected. Shortly into the melee, Lince nailed a hurricanrana on PSYCHO to eliminate him. It was down to just Helios and Lince, reminiscing to just a month ago when they both faced one another for the Young Lions Cup at Deuces Wild. These two put on a fun match for the fans here, supplying them with many cool moments and moves. Lince thwarted Helios on the top rope many times, as Lince knew that Helios getting up there would only mean bad times. Little did he knew, that Helios would eventually thwart him. As Lince attempted to stop Helios, Helios jumped off the top onto Lince who was on the second rope, and blasted him to the mat with The Sky Is Falling. All Helios had to do was follow up with the Heliocentricity for the victory. Helios is now in the Rey de Voladores finals! Excellent contest; if you like high spots and cool looking moves, this is your kind of match. ***1/2

Louden Noxious was getting read to introduce the next match, when Eddie Kingston of all people comes through the crowd. He tells the crowd that he isn’t booked tonight, to which a fan replies “you should be though!” Kingston quickly corrects him, sarcastically stating that if he were booked, he would not have shown up. He says he won’t tell the audience why he has been no showing events, but he will tell them why he is back in CHIKARA. He says that he is back to “pop everyone’s bubbles they live in” and wants to know who in the back wants to get there’s popped first. Shane Storm comes out, looking to exact revenge from his and Eddie’s bloody battle from back in January at Two Eyebrows Are Better Than One. Eddie says he won’t wrestle tonight, but he will face him in Philadelphia. Eddie also did some hilarious trash talking to fans during this segment. Good times!

The Colony (Fire Ant, Soldier Ant, & Worker Ant) and El Pantera vs. The Order of the Neo-Solar Temple (Ultramantis Black, Hydra, Crossbones, & Tim Donst)

Ultramantis Black, Hydra, and Crossbones are laughing with evil intentions as Donst is engulfed in a black druid outfit. Ultramantis told Donst that is he is one of them, and that the Temple’s domination will continue. He asks Hydra to fetch Donst’s footwear, sending Hydra away. While Hydra is away, he tells Donst he is the chosen one and that he will bring gold to the Temple.

Donst revealed himself in a dark blue singlet with the ONST logo on it, darker hair, and half of his face painted in an evil black and white KISS-esque design. Worker Ant was also limping on his way to the ring, as he is still mildly injured from Bull Pain’s attack last month.

The story of the match was all about Hydra and Donst’s interaction with the Temple. Ultramantis and Crossbones clearly favored Donst. Hydra started off the match with Soldier Ant using his inhuman strength to take down the ant. Hydra continuously looked at Ultramantis for approval during his match. Donst and Fire Ant were next, as both wrestlers proved why they are two of the best young talents in CHIKARA by putting on an awesome sequence. Donst would continuously obey Ultramantis whenever Mantis would tell him to “sick” or “kill” whoever he was currently in the ring with. After a beat down, Worker Ant was tagged in to attempt to take down the Temple. It was at this point the Rudos corner looked its most dominant, and ass all four members took turns beating Worker Ant down. Ultramantis tried to show everyone that Tim was the chosen one, as when Mantis got in the ring, he took one move then tagged Donst back in so Donst had more of a chance to prove his worth. There was even a point where the Temple did their signature trios maneuver in which Ultramantis and Crossbones pick up and opponent and hit an assisted lung-blower, in which Hydra’s knees are the ones utilized. However, this time around, Donst pushed Hydra out of the way and took his spot! Eventually, Worker Ant valiantly fought his away out of the Temple’s corner and tagged in the fresh Pantera who with the help of the Colony took out the Temple. Pantera took out Mantis, Crossbones, and Donst with a topé to the outside. This left the Colony alone with Hydra in the ring. The Colony went up for the Ant Hill, but a man in jeans, the CHIKARA 2007 roster shirt, and a Spider-Man Venom mask ran in and pulled Fire Ant off of Worker and Soldier’s shoulders. The man ran out of the ring and revealed himself as Vin Gerard! Worker and Soldier immediately bolted after Vin leaving Fire Ant and Pantera to fend for themselves. Ultramantis got back in the ring and hit the Praying Mantis Bomb on Fire Ant to score the victory for the Temple. Mantis, Donst, and Crossbones celebrated and walked to the back leaving poor Hydra ringside. This was a fun, excellent match that advanced two storylines. Well done. ***1/4

F.I.S.T. (Gran Akuma & Chuck Taylor) vs. Lightning Storm (Mike Quackenbush & Shane Storm)

Mike says that he and Storm tonight start their quest for three points. Shane points out that they have a tough duo ahead, as they face Akuma and Taylor tonight. Quack says while that may be true, Storm was the one who took Akuma’s mask, he is a former Young Lions Cup champion like Taylor, and both he and Quack were 2/3rds of the 2007 King of Trios. Quack then states that although he and Storm have never been Campeones de Parejas, the road to those titles starts tonight.

Chuck Taylor assured referee Derek Sabato that Quack had a gun; he was wrong. Taylor and Quack started off with back and forth action, and some humor from Mr. Taylor. Chuck told the referee that Quack “pulled his hair, pulled his tights” and “touched his butt.” Chuck got Quackenbush into a wrist lock behind his back, and Quack used his butt to push Taylor off of him. Chuck alerted the audience that Quack obviously leads an alternative lifestyle, but he is not here to judge. Chuck got in a verbal exchange with some kids promising he was going to kill everyone under the age of 10 in the building. Really, how can people not love Chuck Taylor? Mike and Storm then begin making back and forth tags to take down Chuck. Chuck slid under his ring allowing Akuma to come in. Storm takes out both men to the outside, and the tecnicos hit double topés onto the rudos. Shane rolled Chuck back into the ring, and F.I.S.T. took the lead from there. Akuma and Taylor tagged in and out dishing out punishment to Shane Storm. Taylor even busted out a really effective Dragon Sleeper, something you do not see to often. Storm was able to make the hot tag to Quack who ran wild. All four men continuously hit moves on one another, and each team had really cool offense. Chuck and Akuma hit an awesome Yoshi Tonic/Sole Food combination, as well as a top rope hurricanrana/frog splash sequence on Shane Storm. Akuma went for the pin, but Quack was able to break it up just in time. Shane and Chuck went to the outside while Quack and Akuma fought in the ring. Shane hit That Japanese Move on the outside taking Taylor out of the picture. Shane and Quack then hit a sick looking double stomp Air Raid Crash for the pinfall, and their fist point. This was a really fun tag team match where all four men looked good. ***3/4

Chuck told the fans not to applaud “those cheaters” as they left. He then tried to fight some kids who were around 10 years old on the outside. Chuck and Akuma left in pain instead.

Claudio Castagnoli vs. Jorge “Skayde” Rivera

Claudio says that the last time he faced Skayde was at the 2006 Tag World Grand Prix, in which he won. He says although things have changed since then, the outcome will remain the same.

In all honesty, there really isn’t a whole lot to say about this match. Most of it was just a great wrestling clinic. Both guys worked real hard, showed off some great moves, and the fans enjoyed it. I don’t know why Claudio doesn’t work down in Mexico and become a huge star. He is so good for a big man and is a PERFECT base for little guys to do flips and maneuvers off of. I realized this first when I saw him facing Matt Sydal in ROH, but the point was driven home when watching him face Skayde. One thing I thought was cool was Skayde’s Canadian trip into a pendulum type maneuver, as well as his cartwheel off the top rope into a toss. The finish came when Skayde turned a Ricola Bomb into a pinning attempt, but Claudio picked up Skayde and then hit him with the Ricola Bomb. This was quite a good match, but not too much of a story. Still great though. ***1/2

Rey de Voladores Qualifier: Stupefied vs. Incognito vs. Sonjay Dutt vs. Turbo

Incognito states he is here to show that Lucha Libre is the best in the world, and to win the Rey de Voladores tournament.

The match started off with Sonjay and Incognito. Both men spent a lot of time doing holds and counter holds trying to keep one another grounded. I thought this was strange considering it is a Rey de Voladores match, but I guess when each opponent shares the strength of high flying, it’s bound to occur. Soon after these two went at it, all four men were doing fun dives and such. Sonjay, Turbo, and Incogrnito decided they were going to pick on Stupefied. Sonjay got heat by doing very cocky heel tactics such as the Jarrett strut and pinning his opponent with just his foot. He and Turbo did plenty of double team maneuvers to punish Stupefied and Incognito also gave a hand to them. Since it was 3 on 1 with the 1 being Stupefied, it was easy for Sonjay to take him out of the match with a Phoneix Splash. Shortly after however, Stupefied locked on a surfboard and rolled it into a submission eliminating Sonjay from the match. This left Turbo and Incognito. Turbo attempted to use the ropes and his high flying ability to his advantage, while Incognito used his power and size to attempt to take down Turbo. The fans got into what these two had to offer, even if they did screw up a couple times. They did some really neat spots, including the most beautiful Razor’s Edge into a hurricanrana from the top rope I have ever seen. It was so crisp and so realistic that the fans could not believe when Incognito kicked out. Incognito eventually scored the victory with a rolling fall away slam off the second rope. This means the finals will now be Helios vs. Incognito in Philadelphia! Excellent match; all for guys looked great and it was so much fun. ***3/4

The 411: All in all, quite the excellent show. Guys like PSYCHO, Sonjay Dutt, and Jorge Rivera add a lot to the cast of CHIKARA regulars who usually do a fine job. It’s a very well rounded show, building from good, to great, to awesome just like you would hope any show would. I recommend it, especially if you like high flying and Lucha.
Final Score:  8.0   [ Very Good ]