wrestling / Video Reviews
Hall’s WCW Bash At The Beach 1999 Review
Image Credit: WCW
Loading...Bash at the Beach 1999
Date: July 11, 1999
Location: National Car Rental Center, Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Attendance: 13,624
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Tony Schiavone
This is another VHS that I watched far too often when I was younger and have seen the show time after time. There is quite a bit to cover here, but the biggest problem is that it is in the dark days of WCW, as things were getting into a downward spiral, which would somehow only get worse over the next several months. The main event is a tag match with some complicated rules so let’s get to it.
The opening video looks at the four people in the main event (Randy Savage/Sid, Sting/Kevin Nash) for the World Title. No context or anything, but maybe WCW doesn’t know it either.
Dang I had forgotten how great WCW’s sets could be. That’s the case here, with a big beach/cabana hit set, with the ramp surrounded by sand.
DJ Ran (an annoying DJ) welcomes us to the show. This is left off the Peacock version and that means things are already looking up.
Commentary explains the main event: if anyone, including Sting pins Kevin Nash, they become World Champion. Yes it is a tag match and yes Sting is Nash’s partner. Why this isn’t just a four way is beyond me, but maybe because WCW is kind of dumb? We also hear about the Junkyard Invitational which….yeah we’ll get to that.
Gene Okerlund wants you to call his hotline and find out who is backstage at the show.
Mike Tenay is at a junkyard, because yes, WCW is actually having a brawl in an actual junkyard. There is a ring of cars, which is described as one of the “obstacles” that the wrestlers will have to navigate to win. This is a result of hardcore wrestling being banned from arenas, so we’re doing this match in an actual junkyard. Who is in the match? Not clear of course, but why let that bother you?
The Cat vs. Disco Inferno
Sonny Onoo is here with the Cat and they’re fighting because they both dance. There was an original stipulation that the loser could never dance again but that has been thrown out. Before Disco comes out, Cat calls the fans rednecks and promises to whip everyone, including Disco. Now let’s have a dance contest (which they’ve already done). Also, for the sake of WWE’s music being bizarre, Cat’s music was edited during his entrance but it’s played as usual for his dancing.
After his dancing is done, Disco does his usual stuff and Cat jumps him, with Disco kicking him into the corner without much effort. Cat bails outside and grabs the mic, threatening to call his mama and whip someone. Back in and Disco hammers away as Heenan talks about all of the old cars at the junkyard. He hasn’t seen that many since he was at Dusty’s house last time.
Disco is sent outside and Onoo gets in a kick to the chest, only for Disco to send the cat into the barricade. Back in and Cat hammers away but has to kick away from a sunset flip. A superkick drops Disco but a chop only hits the mat, allowing Disco to make the comeback with his rather basic offense. The dancing middle rope elbow gives Disco two but the Last Dance (Stunner) is countered. Cat kicks him in the face for two and loads up his (loaded) red shoe. That’s taken away by Disco, who knocks Cat silly for two, thanks to Onoo distracting the referee. Cat gets the shoe again and kicks Disco in the head for the pin at 8:07.
Rating: C. There wasn’t much to this one but that isn’t a big surprise given who was in there. Neither of them was going to be seen as someone who can burn up the mat, but they are fine enough for a quick match like this. The fans were at least somewhat into the dancing and it was far from anything serious, making it an acceptable enough opener. Not good or anything mind you, but acceptable.
And the music is edited again for Cat’s victory.
Judge Mills Lane (a boxing referee and TV judge, who you might remember as the referee on Celebrity Deathmatch) is not going to put up with any nonsense in tonight’s boxing match.
We recap Van Hammer being on a roll, which includes beating Disco Inferno with a handful of tights and needing President Ric Flair to save him from being put through a table by Hugh Morrus. Somehow this gets him a TV Title match against Rick Steiner. Maybe it’s the Dallas Cowboys jersey he is wearing when he asks for the shot. It would work for me.
TV Title: Van Hammer vs. Rick Steiner
Steiner is defending and talks about wanting to give Hammer a new attitude. Hammer starts fast and knocks him to the floor for some choking on the ropes. A suplex gets an early one on Steiner but also seems to wake him up so he can choke Hammer down. They go outside with Steiner ramming him into the barricade and pulling up the floor mats. A DDT on the concrete…lets Steiner cover, despite falls not counting anywhere.
Hammer hits him low for a needed breather, naturally being back on his feet and on offense less than a minute after being DDTed on the exposed concrete. Steiner knocks him down again and mounts him from behind for some crossface shots. Back up and Steiner punts him low (the referee is fine with this), setting up the Steiner Bulldog for the pin at 4:51.
Rating: D+. Yeah this didn’t work, as there was very little in the way of selling, which was a major issue from Steiner’s singles run. His deal was that he was tougher than anyone and would keep popping up to win and retain the title. The match was a bunch of low blows and hitting each other in the face, but without anything that made me want to see the two of them fighting. Throw in Hammer’s not exactly thrilling “hype” video and this was a thing that came and went with very little positive.
Back at the junkyard, we hear a few names in the match (Brian Knobbs, Hak and possibly even a helmeted Jimmy Hart), with Mike Tenay explaining the rules, with the first person to climb over a fence winning the match and an ugly trophy. My goodness they really do think this is a big deal don’t they?
We recap Ric Flair making his mostly talentless son David the new US Champion.
US Title: Dean Malenko vs. David Flair
Flair, with Torrie Wilson (Heenan loses it over her outfit), Ric Flair, Charles Robinson (corrupt referee) and Asya (because….oh you get the joke), is defending and the idea is that David is useless but his dad is drunk with power and made him the champion. Malenko sighs to start and easily trips David down and stares at him. David grabs a waistlock (Heenan: “WAIT THERE’S OFFENSE!”) but gets thrown down again (Heenan: “No that’s defense.”) and stomped in the corner as Ric tries to distract the referee.
Malenko suplexes David and decks Ric before grabbing the Texas Cloverleaf. Anderson comes in to take out the referee and Robinson steals the referee’s shirt. Asya comes in and gets put in the Cloverleaf as well but Ric hits Malenko with the belt. David is put on top to retain at 3:02.
Rating: C-. Honestly, I had a decent time with this one, as they’re beating you over the head with everything they’re doing and not trying to have this be anything else. David being a punching bag but having everyone there to save him is a fine little story. Granted it doesn’t help when WCW was needing some fresh stars somewhere in there but it was at least somewhat entertaining.
We recap the West Texas Rednecks vs. the No Limit Soldiers. This is a country vs. rap feud and, because WCW, the company, which is historically the southern wrestling promotion, thought that the country music loving cowboys would be the villains in the thing. Naturally the whole deal was turned upside down, with the rappers not being well received and the fans cheering for the villains.
It even reached the point where the Rednecks’ song was receiving some airplay in the south. Naturally, WCW sent the radio stations cease and desist letters, because they are that kind of dumb. Like the WWF or not at this time, they would have known how to market something like this and not cut the whole thing off.
We get the music video for I Hate Rap (ignore the drums clearly not being in time with the beat of the song). I certainly don’t have this song on my phone or anything. Total nonsense of course.
After we get the music video, we get the opening of the live version…and then cut to ring announcer Dave Penzer hyping up the crowd.
West Texas Rednecks vs. No Limit Soldiers
Rednecks: Curt Hennig, Bobby Duncum Jr., Barry Windham, Kendall Windham
Soldiers: Rey Mysterio, Konnan, Swoll, BA
This is elimination rules, Swoll is a big guy (from what I can find, this is his fifth professional match and third since 1991), and BA is Brad Armstrong. This is also during the maskeless Mysterio period and yeah it doesn’t work. The Rednecks also have 4×4 (a rather large man) and Chase (a guy with a good look who never went anywhere). Konnan and Mysterio say some things to the fans that I believe was in English and involved peeling potatoes and “the call of the soldier”.
Anyway, Barry and Mysterio start things off as commentary talks about how the best trainers around are at the WCW Power Plant (uh, right). Mysterio knocks Barry into the corner and it’s off to Hennig, who gets dropkicked and slammed by BA. Duncum (a tall guy who had potential but wasn’t as good as his father) comes in and gets hit with something resembling a clothesline from Swoll.
It’s off to Kendal, who is sent into the post but pokes Mysterio in the eyes to cut him off. Back up and Mysterio tries what would become the West Coast Pop but winds up sending Kendal over the top for a crash (taking out Duncum at the same time). The 619 (still a taunt and not an offensive move) gets a nice reaction and it’s off to Konnan as everything breaks down.
A DDT hits Duncum and Konnan monkey flips Mysterio over for a dropkick to Hennig’s head in the corner. We settle down (as it seems they forget where they are) and Duncum misses a crossbody to Swoll, who knocks the partners off the apron and then gets two. Mysterio drops the dime and Swoll gets one of the most awkward covers I’ve ever seen for the pin on Duncum at 6:29.
It’s very clear that Swoll has absolutely no idea what he’s doing in there. Hennig comes in and gets hammered in the corner before it’s off to Konnan. Chase and 4×4 beat up Duncum in the aisle so Hennig goes over for a quickly abandoned save attempt. Barry drops Konnan onto the top rope and it’s back to Hennig for a rather loud chop. Commentary basically asks us to stick around for the junkyard match, because this match really is that dull. BA slugs away at Hennig but gets hit in the face, setting up a HennigPlex for the elimination at 9:08.
It’s back to Kendall, who misses a middle rope knee and gets caught with Konnan’s rolling clothesline. Mysterio kicks Kendall into a small package (the shoulder wasn’t quite down but oh well) for the pin at 10:53. Barry comes in for a belly to back suplex and the DDT as Chase and 4×4 are beating up Kendall in the aisle (again: these are the GOOD GUYS).
Konnan jawbreaks his way out of a sleeper but gets caught with a lariat for two. The rolling clothesline gets Konnan out of trouble and he crashes out to the floor with Barry. Chase jumps Barry and CARRIES HIM TO THE BACK, with Konnan following for the double countout (because disqualifications mean nothing in this company) at 13:07.
So we’re down to Hennig vs. Swoll/Mysterio but Chase and Barry come running back in for no apparent reason. Hennig tries to leave but runs into 4×4, who chops him (as the referee just watches) against the apron. Swoll does his weird clothesline for the third time and Mysterio climbs onto Swoll’s shoulders for a splash and the final pin at 15:00.
Rating: D. Oh goodness no. This was a match that had no life or heart to it, as they were just doing moves to each other until someone got the occasional pin. Chase and 4×4 came off like the biggest villains in the world and only Mysterio had anything positive here. Absolutely terribly uninteresting match where it just felt like no one cared in the slightest. Swoll would thankfully retire next month.
Commentary again tries to explain the main event, which could be entirely solved by making it a four way, but that’s not how WCW works.
We go over the rules of the junkyard match again. If you need to explain a match concept three times in less than an hour and fifteen minutes, it might not be a good idea.
We recap the junkyard match (because it needs a backstory). Basically Ric Flair banned hardcore from the arenas so Hak (Sandman) issued an open challenge for this whole thing.
Junkyard Invitational
A horn rings stars the match and it’s a wild brawl with no entrances or a list of wrestlers involved. You can see people like Brian Knobbs, Silver King and the returning Public Enemy, who turn a car over for a big crash. Jerry Flynn plugs an electrical cord into a car engine for some sparks as this is so all over the place that even commentary says they probably can’t call this (fair enough, as the cameras are either on the ground or on a helicopter).
Steven Regal chokes Horace Hogan and Fit Finlay hits La Parka with a bumper. Dave Taylor hits Hugh Morrus with a trashcan lid as we see Hak hitting someone on top of a red car. Jimmy Hart is cheering people on as Hak and Morrus keep walking around a barrel of fire. Knobbs hits someone in the head with a trashcan and now it’s time to just start throwing things at each other. Heenan: “Tony you ever hit someone from behind with a tailpipe?” Schiavone: “Uh no I haven’t.” Heenan: “I did it with a transmission once.”
Someone commentary can’t recognize dives off a car onto a pile of people and Horace throws Rock through a windshield. There is nothing resembling a story or a structure to this as it’s just a bunch of random violence. Mike Whipwreck is seen for the first time and Grunge is thrown through a car hood. Morrus misses a charge and lands on a car and Parka brings in a tire.
Horace and Rock go towards the gate with Rock almost getting out but getting pulled back down. They head back to the inner circle and a lot of people hit each other with pieces of a car. Hak gets hit with various things before putting Finlay in the trunk of a car. Heenan: “This is not ‘75 in Atlanta.” Hak calls someone over with a forklift to take the car that has Finlay inside (he gets out) to the crusher. Said car is destroyed and Finlay climbs over the fence, with a bunch of cars exploding as he wins at 13:59.
Rating: F-. Q-tips, turkey burritos, Windex and the Leeds Theater in Winchester, Kentucky. Those are four things that have as much to do with wrestling as this…well you can’t call it a match…as this thing did. This was about fourteen minutes of people hitting each other with car parts and doing stupid dives off of those cars. It was a total mess with a bunch of destruction and wrestlers walking around doing nothing logical. There were a bunch of injuries and no one looked better as a result.
And remember: WCW hyped this up MULTIPLE times throughout the night, with only the World Title match being talked about more. Not only did this company think that it was a good idea, but they thought it was something the fans would be interested in seeing. This is one of those things that almost has to be seen to be believed, but that would mean watching it and that’s not something I can recommend with a good conscience. Just….wow this was dumb.
We recap the Jersey Triad defending the Tag Team Titles against Perry Saturn and Chris Benoit. The Triad (Bam Bam Bigelow/Diamond Dallas Page/Chris Kanyon) are more of Ric Flair’s hired goons in the battle against the younger generation. Therefore we get a fairly long clip from an eight man tag with Buff Bagwell pinning Ric Flair with the Triad and Benoit/Saturn also there. For some reason this made Flair put the title match together. Yeah I’m not sure I follow the logic either.
Tag Team Titles: Jersey Triad vs. Chris Benoit/Chris Kanyon
The Triad (Page/Bigelow officially, though they can use the Freebird Rule, including during matches) is defending. They also get in a quick promo about how great Page is before trying to get “Bada bing, bada boom, bada BANG” over as a catchphrase (it didn’t work). Page drives Saturn into the corner for some elbows to the face to start but the discus lariat misses.
Saturn decks Bigelow, who comes in, as Kanyon takes Page’s place on the apron. Benoit comes in and sends Bigelow into the corner, followed by a dropkick to the floor. Kanyon comes in and blocks some suplexes as commentary swears the Kanyon will become a big star (which didn’t seem like a stretch at this point). Saturn hits Kanyon in the head and now the t-bone suplex works and Benoit’s big clothesline connects.
Benoit grabs a Liontamer, which doesn’t last long, so it’s back to Saturn for a hair toss. It’s time to start working on Kanyon’s knee, with Heenan suggesting turning it the other way so he can kick a can and a ball at the same time. Saturn drops the top rope legdrop for two with Page coming in for the save. Bigelow offers a distraction so Page can hit a clothesline from the apron to really take over.
It’s off to Bigelow (I don’t remember seeing a tag) and Page chokes away on the floor as commentary cracks up over a discussion of Bigelow’s tattoos. The fans have busted out the beach ball (in the one good match of the night so far) and Bigelow wisely grabs the chinlock until things calm down. Back up and it’s off to Kanyon, who gets crotched on top. It’s back to Benoit, who gets taken down by Bigelow, allowing Page to stomp away. Kanyon comes in to chop away in the corner, followed by a sitout Alabama Slam.
Saturn makes the save before Kanyon can even get one so Bigelow comes in for some falling headbutts. Kanyon comes back in with a swinging neckbreaker and a Russian legdrop into an elbow gets two. Page grabs a front facelock and Benoit makes it over to Saturn…but the referee didn’t see it. A helicopter bomb (I’ve always loved that move) gives Page two and Kanyon drops a middle rope legdrop for the same.
Bigelow tries a belly to back but Bigelow lands on him, only to miss a moonsault. The tag bring Saturn in for a good superkick before he knocks Page and Kanyon outside. Saturn comes back in for a top rope splash to Bigelow, followed by Benoit with the Swan Dive. Page comes off the top for the save but gets northern lights suplexed for two more.
The referee gets bumped and Kanyon throws powder into Saturn’s eyes, but hits Page as well. That means the Diamond Cutter hits Kanyon so Benoit gets two, with Bigelow putting the foot on the rope. Benoit German suplexes Page for two so Page grabs a trashcan. The referee gets bumped again and it’s a shot to Benoit, followed by another to Kanyon by mistake. A double Diamond Cutter (basically a 3D) retains the titles at 23:16.
Rating: B. Maybe it’s that the rest of the show has been that bad, but this was a heck of a match and the last few minutes got awesome enough that I was almost forgetting some of the other stuff. Benoit and Saturn were two of the guys you knew you could depend on for a solid match, which is a very valuable thing to have. They were telling a great story of the talented wrestlers fighting against the champions with the advantage but coming up short thanks to the cheating. Awesome stuff and the best thing on this show by about ten miles.
We recap Buff Bagwell vs. Ric Flair’s second in command, Roddy Piper (RPVP) in a boxing match. This consists of Judge Mills Lane forgetting that the match is taking place in Florida (originally saying California). Piper and/or Bagwell are not shown. Bagwell pinned Flair in the aforementioned eight man tag, but that’s not important enough to mention again here.
Roddy Piper vs. Buff Bagwell
Lane, who refereed a bunch of famous boxing matches, is the guest referee. We do at least get a clever sign in the crowd with “Buffy The Vampiper Slayer.” Piper has Ric Flair with him so Bagwell brings out Judge Judy….Bagwell, his mother, who trips on the way to the ring. Flair gives Bagwell a chance to back out of this, but Bagwell brings up beating Flair with the Blockbuster in the eight man tag (in a sane world, that leads to Bagwell vs. Flair on pay per view but instead it’s….this).
We have ten two minute (or three minutes according to Schiavone) rounds and Piper easily knocks him into the corner to start. Bagwell fights back with wrestling style punches until Piper drops him with an overhand right. Back up and Bagwell slugs away until the time runs out. Between the rounds, Flair sprays something on Piper’s gloves, which the referee of course misses. A few shots have Bagwell blinded as this is already turning into even more of a joke than it was before.
Flair wipes the gloves off and Piper hammers away, leaving Judy to try to clean the eyes with a sponge. Piper drops him with some more shots but Bagwell is back up to knock him into the corner. Flair freaks out over the knockdown as Piper is back up as the bell rings. Round three begins with Piper jumping Bagwell before the bell so Judy bites Piper’s ear. And then puts a spit bucket on his head. Buff drops Flair from interfering and hits the Blockbuster to pin Piper (as Judy cuts Flair off) at 6:40.
Rating: F. I mean…what do you say here? This was basically a cartoon come to life with Judy getting more focus than Bagwell, who might as well have been anyone else other than the finish. The only reason to make this boxing instead of wrestling was for the sake of having Lane in there, which defeats the purpose of pushing Bagwell. Not that it mattered as Bagwell’s push basically died after this show, and I’m sure this match had nothing to do with it.
We recap the World Title match. Randy Savage, with bodyguard Sid, lost to Nash via DQ last month at the Great American Bash and Nash wanted to fight Sid. Sting made the save so Flair made the tag match main event. Nash saw Sting driving the Hummer (a long running story which never got a conclusive ending) so he doesn’t trust him. Then Flair and all of his cronies put Nash in a lumberjack match against David Flair, title vs. 72 hours with Torrie Wilson.
The match was a mess of course, and Nash kidnapped one of Savage’s women (Gorgeous George in this case, along with Madusa and Miss Madness (Molly Holly)). Wilson went with them voluntarily. As they were leaving, Nash saw Sting behind the wheel of a Hummer and wasn’t happy.
Then another fake Sting jumped Nash on Nitro. Not shown here: the real Sting coming out for the save and getting dropped by Nash. Then Nash announced that anyone could beat him for the title in the tag match. They even left out Savage assaulting George on camera (hence her black eye, which is COMPLETELY ignored). And no, this doesn’t make much more sense watching it as this whole thing is just insane and, again, would be SO MUCH BETTER as a four way match.
WCW World Title: Kevin Nash/Sting vs. Randy Savage/Sid
Nash is defending and anyone who pins him, including his own partner, can win the title. Savage and Sid have Madusa, Miss Madness and Gorgeous George with them….but George goes to stand in Nash/Sting’s corner (cutting into commentary talking about the freaking Junkyard match). Savage is livid and Sting knocks him outside to start before hammering away back inside.
Commentary points out that no one moves like Sting, which comes after TWO YEARS OF BEING DUPED BY FAKE STINGS! Sid comes in and gets clotheslined out to the floor, only to come back in and miss a running knee in the corner. Sting gets knocked down without much trouble though and it’s back to Savage to hammer away. Madusa gets in a cheap shot of her own and it’s already back to Sid for a camel clutch.
That doesn’t last long either so it’s Sting fighting up and handing it off to Nash for the string of right hands. It’s already back to Sting (which makes sense, as Nash can’t lose if he isn’t in….I don’t think), who takes Savage outside to ram him into various thing. The Stinger Splash against the barricade that always misses does in fact miss and Sid drops Sting onto the barricade again.
Commentary points out the lack of anyone trying to pin Nash and win the World Title as Sid grabs a chinlock. That’s broken up and Sting brings Nash back in to clean house. Madusa and Miss Madness come in so Sting rams them together and Stinger Splashes Sid and both women. Another Stinger Splash hits Savage and Nash at the same time, leaving Sid to chokeslam Sting. Nash is back up and of course George turns on him, a full twelve minutes after joining him. Sid slams Nash and Savage drops the elbow for the pin and the title at 13:21.
Rating: D. Not only was it lazy but as commentary put it, why was not one trying to win the title for so much of the match? That doesn’t make any sense in the first place, but at the same time you have George with a horribly telegraphed turn, which came after a turn earlier in the match. On top of that, mid life crisis Randy Savage is World Champion in 1999. The only thing worse than that would be Savage losing the title to a returning Hulk Hogan the following night.
By the way: Savage would lose the title to a returning Hulk Hogan the following night.
Results
The Cat b. Disco Inferno – Kick with loaded shoe
Rick Steiner b. Van Hammer – Steiner Bulldog
David Flair b. Dean Malenko – Belt shot from Ric Flair
No Limit Soldiers b. West Texas Rednecks – Elevated splash to Hennig
Fit Finlay won the Junkyard Invitational
Jersey Triad b. Chris Benoit/Perry Saturn – Double Diamond Cutter to Saturn
Buff Bagwell b. Roddy Piper – Blockbuster
Randy Savage/Sid b. Sting/Kevin Nash – Top rope elbow to Nash
