Hall’s WWE Survivor Series 1994 Review

Survivor Series 1994
Date: November 23, 1994
Location: Freeman Coliseum, San Antonio, Texas
Attendance: 10,000
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Gorilla Monsoon

We’re kind of in the New Generation and that should make for a…well the New Generation could be all over the place. The big draw here is another Casket Match between Undertaker and Yokozuna, with Chuck Norris involved because celebrity. Other than that we have the usual Survivor Series matches and a rather infamous WWF Title match. Let’s get to it.

The teams have pep talks before their matches.

Monsoon and McMahon (a weird pairing, especially with the cowboy hats) run down the card.

Bad Guys vs. Teamsters

Bad Guys: Razor Ramon, British Bulldog, Fatu, Sione, 1-2-3 Kid
Teamsters: Shawn Michaels, Diesel, Jeff Jarrett, Jim Neidhart, Owen Hart

Hart backs away from the Kid to start while Fatu is on the floor dealing with his boots. Neidhart comes in to should Kid down but he’s back up with a dropkick. That earns Kid another shoulder and it’s quickly off to Jarrett to ram Kid into the corner. Sione comes in as commentary mocks Jarrett’s gear, claiming that he’s molting (which….yeah kind of). Jarrett gets knocked into the ropes so it’s off to Bulldog to work on Hart’s arm.

A sunset flip gives Bulldog two but he walks into an enziguri, allowing the tag back to Neidhart. Bulldog clotheslines both of them down and grans the delayed vertical suplex on Neidhart in a fairly impressive feat. It’s off to Jarrett vs. Ramon with Jarrett taking him down for some hair ruffling. Ramon fights back and knocks Jarrett outside, allowing Ramon to call out Diesel. Instead he gets Jarrett again so it’s off to the Kid, who gets his abdominals stretched. That’s broken up and it’s back to Fatu, but Diesel finally comes in off the blind tag. The big boot and Jackknife finish Fatu at 13:31.

Kid comes in with some dropkicks but a top rope sunset flip doesn’t work. The Jackknife gets rid of the Kid at 14:13 so it’s off to Sione. Some clotheslines don’t do much to Diesel, who Jackknifes him for another pin at 14:44. Bulldog comes in and slugs away but gets booted out to the floor. Jarrett and Hart jump Bulldog and he’s counted out at 15:58, leaving Ramon all alone against the entire team.

A rollup gets two on Diesel and Ramon hits the middle rope bulldog for two. Diesel knocks Ramon back down though and Michaels wants a Jackknife. Ramon gets sent into the corner where he tries to fight everyone, allowing Diesel to drop him with a clothesline. Ramon fights back though and even tries the Razor’s Edge, which is countered with a backdrop. A big boot sets up the Jackknife….and now Michaels wants in.

Diesel lets him in (after being in for about six straight minutes himself) but Michaels wants Diesel to hold Ramon for the superkick. Naturally the kick hits Diesel (who only goes down to one knee)…and NOW it’s time to go. Diesel goes after Michaels and even beats up his partners as he stalks Michaels to the back. Somehow ALL OF THE TEAMSTERS are counted out and Ramon is the Sole Survivor at 21:45.

Rating: B-. The ending almost felt like a joke to surprise the audience, which isn’t a great way to go. At the same time, this was all about Diesel and his issues with Michaels. They had been simmering for a long time and now it has gone over the edge. That is the kind of thing that could lead to quite the big moment and….yeah that’s where we’re going next.

Post match Michaels says that it’s all Diesel’s fault and this tag team stuff (including he and Diesel being Tag Team Champions) is a waste of time. Michaels throws down his belt, vacating the championships (yes, Michaels dropping a title without losing a match) and drives away.

Royal Family vs. Clowns R Us

Family: Jerry Lawler, Cheesy, Sleazy, Queasy
Clowns: Doink, Dink, Wink, Punk

This is over a battle of pranks so let’s get this over with as fast as possible. Also the sizes have to match, which should hopefully save us from, ahem, comedy. Doink and Lawler start things off with Lawler being knocked down, possibly with a nose injury, so Doink mocks him. Vince of course thinks this is hilarious, as he has no sense of humor. Doink takes Lawler down into an arm stretch so the Clowns run over his, only for the other Kings to do the same.

Lawler of course snaps, as this is already getting as bad as you would expect. They switch spots and the Kings step onto Doink, can’t get the Clowns to follow, and then fall over each other. A slam puts Lawler down and the small Clowns get two each. Since the copying thing worked so well earlier, the Kings try it again but Queasy is thrown onto Lawler for a two count.

We get the required Burger King crown (that’s a sore point for Lawler), so raging ensues. Dink gets on Doink’s shoulders so Lawler…gets on Sleazy’s shoulders, which goes as well as you would expect. The test of strength goes on so we get a quadruple crisscross, which goes…oh you know by now. With nothing else working, Lawler gets the foreign object to cheap shot Doink, meaning it’s time for the other Kings to put their feet up.

Naturally Lawler is whipped into them and it’s time for a chase, with Doink going up top. The high crossbody connects but Lawler rolls through and grabs the tights for the pin at 10:36. So in theory the match should be over, as the mini Clowns can’t face Lawler, meaning he can’t be eliminated. Then again I’m looking for logic in a match involving four miniature clowns and four miniature kings, one of which is named Queasy.

Lawler gets bitten by Dink and we settle down to Wink grabbing Cheesy’s beard so Dink can give him a monkey flip. Lawler helps Cheesy with a rollup in the corner to pin Wink at 13:10. For some reason Lawler yells at Queasy and then drops Cheesy onto Pink for the pin at 14:28. So Dink is on his own and chops away at Queasy, followed by a slam. A high crossbody connects but Lawler interferes again, allowing Queasy to get in a cheap shot so Sleazy can get the winning pin at 16:04.

Rating: F. Nope. There are certain jokes that work in wrestling, but there are times when those jokes are run into the ground. That was the case with this match, which could have worked if it was maybe four minutes long. It’s something that would have worked better as a one fall match (at best). Lawler was trying as hard as he could but there is only so much that he can do with the joke getting old with more than ten minutes to go in the match.

Post match Lawler doesn’t want the other Kings to celebrate because he won the match. The chase is on again but all six minis go after Lawler. Then Doink comes in with a pie to Lawler’s face.

Bull Nakano won the Women’s Title last week in Tokyo.

Nakano speaks Japanese about the win. Naturally Todd Pettingill treats her like she’s deaf, because that’s the joke.

WWF Title: Bret Hart vs. Bob Backlund

Hart is defending in a kind of submission match, with British Bulldog and Owen Hart here to throw in the towel for the submission, which is the only way to win (meaning a wrestler saying they give up means nothing). Stu and Helen Hart are here too. Bret starts fast with some hiptosses and Backlund is already bailing out to the floor. Back in and a headlock takeover has Backlund in more trouble as they’re taking their time out there.

Backlund suplexes his way out of trouble but Bret is right back with another headlock. An armbar attempt doesn’t work for Backlund as Bret is right back with the headlock. Backlund fights up with a top wristlock but it’s still too early to procure the chickenwing. The front facelock goes on, with Bret switching it over to an abdominal stretch. That’s escaped as well so Bret goes up, only to miss the middle rope elbow.

Backlund starts in on the arm and wraps it around the ropes, though it’s still too early for the chickenwing. The armbar goes on again so Bret nips up, only to get forearmed out to the floor. Back in and the armbar goes on again and Backlund switches to a Fujiwara armbar as we’re somehow almost fifteen minutes into this thing. Bret fights up and knocks him away, setting up a Figure Four. The hold is turned over and then turned over again, with Backlund making the ropes for the break.

That shouldn’t work but oh well. Bret stays on the knee but Backlund goes to the ropes to escape the Sharpshooter attempt. Backlund gets on the arm again and hits a piledriver to leave them both down. Back up again and Backlund misses a charge into the post, only to grab a sleeper. Bret sends him into the corner for another break before they ram heads for a double down.

It’s Bret up first with his own piledriver, setting up the Five Moves Of Doom. The Sharpshooter goes on but Owen comes in for the save, with the referee yelling at Bulldog for giving chase. Said chase continues and Bulldog charges into the steps, knocking himself silly. Backlund manages to procure the chickenwing, leaving Owen to get worried about Bulldog. The hold goes on and stays on, with Owen crying as he realizes there is no one to throw in the towel.

Then McMahon says that Bret can end the match by giving up, making the towel thing seem rather unnecessary. We hit five minutes in the hold and…yeah it’s just laying there with Backlund cranking, Bret breathing through his mouth, and Owen panicking. We’re almost seven minutes in (with nothing different happening in the other two minutes) when Owen lets Stu and Helen through the barricade, asking them to throw in the towel.

Stu immediately gets what’s going on and won’t do it but Owen appeals to the motherly instincts. Helen FINALLY gives in and throws the towel, making Backlund WWF Champion again at 35:17, with Bret being in the chickenwing for 9:30. Also, in what I’m sure isn’t anything serious, Bulldog has been out cold for over ten minutes, with Stu walking over him in an unintentionally hilarious bit.

Rating: D+. I’ve praised this match before and while I get what they were going for and it was executed as well as it could have been, my goodness it was dull. The ending was just them laying on the mat in the same hold for almost ten minutes as Owen did his thing with his parents.

You can do a match like this, though I’m thinking Vince screwed up on commentary by saying Bret could have given up, as it messed up the whole point of the ending. Also, if anyone could throw in the towel, why didn’t Owen just do it himself? Other than that, it’s a technically sound match but so painfully dull. Granted Backlund winning the title was a great moment and a nice surprise (if you ignore Vince almost guaranteeing it would happen), but find a better way to get there.

And of course Owen is elated and springs off as Backlund is almost in a trance as he gets the title back. Backlund’s big celebration is almost hilarious, as he sticks his chest out and poses with the title, looking like the conquering hero despite seemingly being insane.

In the back, Owen (with his eyes bugging out of his head) celebrates the win because BRET IS A LOSER!!! This means Owen is the new best there is, was and ever will be, because he’s now like Sam in that episode of Cheers where the new owner of Melville’s keeps beating him and he’ll take any kind of win over the person who has been driving him nuts. 1994 WWF was weird.

And no, I don’t think Bulldog ever got any help.

Million Dollar Team vs. Guts And Glory

Million Dollar Team: Bam Bam Bigelow, Jimmy Del Ray, Tom Prichard, King Kong Bundy, Tatanka
Guts And Glory: Lex Luger, Adam Bomb, Bart Gunn, Billy Gunn, Mabel

Ted DiBiase and Jim Cornette are here with the villains. Tatanka (the one who turned on Luger to start this whole thing) hammers on Luger to start and a suplex sends Luger flying. Believe it or not, Luger comes back with some yelling and right hands, followed by the running clotheslines (he just NEVER changed and that’s one of the reasons why Luger is remembered the way he is).

Mabel and Bundy come in for the big staredown but instead it’s off to Prichard, who gets shoved around. The big elbow misses though and Prichard forearms away in the corner, only to get crushed with a middle rope crossbody for the easy pin at 3:55. Del Ray comes in and gets Boss Man Slammed, allowing Mabel to…well just stare at him. Now Bundy comes back in and they trade shoulders, with Mabel getting the better of things.

It’s back to Bigelow, who gets dropped with a spinwheel kick, allowing Mabel to go up. Believe it or not, that takes too long, allowing Bigelow to slam him down. Bigelow’s top rope sunset flip doesn’t exactly work as Mabel sits on Bigelow’s chest for the big crash. A Cactus Clothesline leaves both of them on the floor and only Bigelow gets back in, with Mabel being eliminated at 7:14.

Billy comes in and gets superkicked by Del Ray, who is quickly backslided for two. It’s off to Bomb, who misses a charge over the top but comes right back with the always good looking slingshot clothesline. Bundy gets in a cheap shot from the apron though and it’s a bulldog to put Bomb down. The moonsault gives Bigelow the pin at 8:09. Luger rushes in and tries a rollup for two so Del Ray comes in for a superkick to drop Luger just as fast. Back up and the forearm gives Luger the pin at 9:56.

Tatanka comes in and gets taken down by the Gunns’ double Russian legsweep, followed by Bart’s knee drop for two. The side slam/jumping legdrop gets two on Tatanka but he reverses a crucified into a sloppy Papoose To Go to finish Bart at 13:26. So we’re down to Bigelow/Bundy/Tatanka vs. Billy/Luger and…geez that’s just depressing. Billy comes back in with a powerslam into an elbow for two but walks into a powerslam from Tatanka. Bundy is back in for his Avalanche and an elbow to get rid of Billy at 16:14 and it’s three on one.

Bigelow plants Luger without much trouble and Bundy’s knee drop gets two. Tatanka chops away and it’s back to Bigelow for a headbutt as this just keeps going. I mean there’s just nothing interesting here as it’s the three villains taking turns doing basic offense on Luger, who is hardly known for being a great seller. It’s back to Tatanka for more slow chopping but Luger manages a small package to get the quick pin at 23:14. Then Luger lays back down so Bundy can splash him for the winning pin at 23:17.

Rating: C-. I have never cared for this match and that didn’t change here. It’s technically fine, but Luger was past his expiration date by this point and heel Tatanka wasn’t doing the trick. Throw in that it’s coming on a show that is already not a great sit and this was a rough watch. Just find anyone else besides Luger and Tatanka and the story could have worked, but this didn’t get there.

Post match the beatdown stays on until the rest of Guts And Glory runs in for the save.

Bob Backlund is being photographed and insists he never lost the WWF Title, so he got it back to continue a ten year reign. He promises to, and I quote, pasteurize, homogenize and synchronize us. Now your children have someone to look up to because he FEELS LIKE GOD. I know he was kind of dull, but Backlund absolutely put his heart into this and it kind of worked great. And then he lost the title to Diesel three days later in less than ten seconds, bringing the run to a screeching halt, which granted was the perfect way to use him.

Undertaker vs. Yokozuna

Casket match, with Chuck Norris of all people here as outside enforcer. Paul Bearer wheels out the big casket, leaving Mr. Fuji and Jim Cornette to panic a bit. Undertaker scares him down into the corner to start but Yokozuna is back up with a splash in the corner. A look at the casket scares him though and Undertaker hits a clothesline, only to charge into the Samoan drop. Some elbows and the swinging Rock Bottom set up the legdrop to finally keep Undertaker down for a bit.

Undertaker blocks the lid from being closed and uppercuts Yokozuna into the casket with him. They get inside to continue the uppercuts until a head slam drops Yokozuna. A top rope clothesline puts him down again and we get the slow roll towards the casket. Cue King Kong Bundy and Bam Bam Bigelow to stare at Norris, allowing IRS to come up from behind (Chuck Norris needs to work on his peripheral vision) and put Undertaker in the sleeper.

Undertaker is put in the casket and Yokozuna falls down, only to get up and…get grabbed by the throat. Cue Jeff Jarrett, who gets kicked in the chest by Norris. Undertaker clotheslines and DDTs Yokozuna, followed by a big boot into the casket. The Japanese flag is thrown in as well and Undertaker shuts the casket for the win at 15:23.

Rating: C-. Undertaker getting ticked off near the end and sending Yokozuna into the casket was good but the Norris stuff was nothing to be seen. He stared a lot and threw one kick, which was hardly all that interesting. Undertaker gets his big moment to look like a star, but it came at the end of another not so thrilling match.

Undertaker does his version of celebrating to end the show.

 

Results
The Bad Guys b. Teamsters last eliminating the entire team
Royal Family b. Clowns R Us last eliminating Dink
Bob Backlund b. Bret Hart when Helen Hart threw in the towel
Million Dollar Team b. Guts And Glory last eliminating Lex Luger
Undertaker b. Yokozuna – Undertaker shut Yokozuna in the casket

 

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3.0

The final score: review Bad

The 411

Oh man this show was BAD. It’s not so much that the show is horrible or that the wrestling was worthless, but there is nothing interesting of entertaining throughout the show. Bob Backlund’s insanity was the only fun part and that didn’t even last long. I watched this show by mistake and I regretted it immediately. Terribly dull show and one of the weakest in its era.