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It’s WEDNESDAY, and there is only one photo that matters:

It’s Wednesday, you know what that means…

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We head to the ring for the most recent MJF’s lovefest. MJF comes out with some hotties, makes out with one, then grabs the mic. He disses Bret Hart, calling him not great, and saying Shawn Michaels was always better. He says his religion is the only one that matters, and we are here to celebrate his birthday. He says under the eyes of his Lord, when a boy turns into a man, he hits 13 and is Bar Mitzvah, but we are having a ReBar Mitzvah because after March 5th, when he tapped Bryan out, he went on to retain the title. He is no longer merely a man, he is Iron Man. He asks for music, and out come some peeps to hoist him up on a chair and dance.

Jungle Boy is here to interrupt!!!

MJF clears the ring as JB enters it. Just as JB is about to speak, the music of Sammy Guevara hits and out comes the Spanish God, who, I hear, is different than the Jewish God.

There’s a cake at the bottom of the ramp, and Sammy tries some of the icing. Sammy has something to say, but here comes….DARBY ALLIN. Crowd is HYPED for this.

MJF asks for the music to cut, but the crowd is incredibly pro-Darby. MJF says no, they are ruining this for him!

Everyone: “I want a title match.”

JB says the last time they wrestled was in 2020, with no fans, and they went back and forth for over twenty minutes, until he cheated and won. After that, their lives went in different directions. While MJF got handed chance after chance, JB wrestled on Dark. They’ve all been on Dark. He hasn’t. MJF has never been on Elevation, Dark, or even Rampage. It’s crazy to him, because there is an entire locker room who bust they’re asses and maybe get sixty seconds on this show. They all watch MJF take 20 minutes to do the same hokey bullshit he’s been doing for the past four years. This entire place revolves around him and the first step in changing that is taking the title away from MJF.

Crowd: “HOKEY BULLSHIT.”

MJF says unlike all of them and they in the back, he is a star and that’s why this company revolves around him.

Sammy tells MJF to shut up before he turns this ReBar Mitzvah into a ReCircumcision. Sammy took ten plus years on the indies to get here. MJF lied to get here, talked his way into it. He finally got here, and he was told he was only supposed to be The Inner Circle’s job guy, the bump guy for Jericho. But he overcame it all, and he became champion times three. Sammy is not like MJF, he never had the machine and never needed it. He got him here, and he’ll get him the title. He calls the crowd dumbasses, and tells MJF he will be a World Champ.

MJF appreciates Sammy was able to take all the time he took out of locker room scuffles in the back.

Darby wants his time. He asks for a hold on the applause. 2013, he went to film school and he turtned into a movie where someone said he’d have to change the entire film, so he dropped out. This blessing gave him the balls to do something he never thought possible – become a pro-wrestler. First day at the academy, and before he walked in, he said to himself he would make it or fail as Darby Allin, but he will not change a single thing.

All these years later, he tells Khan maybe he is the worst business man, because there will never be a bidding war for Darby, because AEW gives him something no amount of money can afford him – the chance to let ihm be him. The biggest problem he has with this company isgrown ass wreslters in the back going on Twitter saying they aren’t happy, they want out, including MJF, our World Champ, with the whole bidding war of 2024. AEW means more to him than it ever did to MJF and this is why he should be champ. If he doesn’t get the match, he’ll go complain about it on Twitter. No, seriously, he’ll beat MJF’s head in with a skateboard, and give him a headlock takeover.

MJF removes his glasses and hat and Darby says he looks like shit.

MJF gives a quick jab to each man, including telling Sammy he’d propose in a new girl in seven months. Sammy brings up MJF’s ex-fiance.

They each had Christian, Jericho, Sting. MJF has nobody, because unlike these three talentless hacks, he never needed to be enrolled into AAEW Daddy Day Care. He says he is the only pillar that can keep this place up. He has beaten every single one of them in Singles Competition, so why do they deserve a chance. They don’t even deserve to sniff it. These three need to leave his party and he is going to eat his cake because he deserves it. To Sammy; Thank You. To Darby: Screw You. To JB; Bye.

MJF clocks JB. Sammy attacsks from behind, Darby shoots forward and this sends MJF directly into the cake, fulfilling the Cake Prophecy of Wrestling Lore.

That was fun.

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Jericho got a street named after him in his hometown earlier, so now you can go down on Jericho whenever you want!

Wait…

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The Blackpool Combat Club vs Hangman Page and The Dark Order

YUTA and Uno to start! High boot to Yuta! Uno sends Wheeler to the corner. Chop to Yuta, he reverses, chop. They trade back and forth some chops. Uno with a bunch of rights, a chop, locks the head, suplex out of the corner. Yuta forces Uno to the corner, tag to Moxley, hard right elbow, another. Jon rips the jacket off and chokes Uno up with it. Snapmare, tag to Claudio. He hits the ropes and dropkicks Uno then covers! 1..2…NO!!!! Claudio with a running uppercut in the corner. He sits Uno up, grabs the head, tosses Uno down off the top, cover for 1..2.NO!!! Tag to Yuta, he drops Uno, tag to Moxley. Kick to Uno, tag to Yuta, axe handle to the back. Chop. They are in the center, and they trade blows. Yuta hits the ropes, attacks Page then gets a back body drop. Tag to Stu! HUGE POP!!! He hits the corner and flies over Jon to yake out Yuta! Kick to Claudio! Grayson with the Meteora!!! Jon in, turns him, right hands to the face. Big Boos. Middle fingers Stu with a Uranage! Kick from Claudio! DDT FROM STU!!!! He hits the ropes, MOONS—HOLY SHIT HE SPINS MIDAIR! Cover for 1..2..NO!!!! Stu with the torture rack! Uppercut is dodged and Stu looks for a backslide, but Claudio shoves him and Yuta is holding the ropes so St flies to the outside. Claudio grabs Stu by the head and swings him into the barricade then the apron. BY HIS FUCKING HEAD!!! SPIKE PILEDRIVER BY all of BCC!!!

WE are BACK! Jon with a kick to Stu, he locks the head, tries for a piledriver, Moxley spikes him! Cover for 1….2….NO!!! Big clothesline from Jon in the corner, but Stu runs out of the corner and hits a running knee to Moxley!!! Stu kicks himself towards his corner. Tag to Yuta. Tag to Page! Big Pop! Clothhesline to Yuta, he attacks Claudio, right hand to TYuta, clothesline off the corner to Claudio. Fallaway Slam, kip up, he holds the ropes and flies over to Claudio! He rolls in, lariat is blocked, so he switches arms, spins, and hits one! Page locks the head, flips Yuta up, he lands on his feet, right, left, right, hits the ropes, Hangman follows, Uno hits the tag, powerbomb from page! Uno off the top with a Swanton Bomb! Claudio with an uppercut! Stu in to send Claudio outside. Page grabs Yuta, Mocley on the apron, Yuta flies off the back. Tag to Jon. Page realizes it. Slow turn, and Jon is waiting for him.

They go head to head. Rights from both! HUGE LARIAT FROM JON!! Page to the apron! YUTA HAS THE RING BELL!!! He attacks Page as the ref is distracted! Uno and Stu go to check on Page. Jon and Claudio are in the ring. Stu and Uno hype each other up. They roll into the ring and all four men go at it! Stu corners Claudio, beats him while Uno attacks Jon! Yuta in to give him a chop block! Whip to Stu into the corner! Yuta whips Claudio, Stu sends him into the ring post, dodges Yuta, flies OVER THE TOP ONTO CLAUDIO!!!! PARADIGM SHIFT FROM EVIL UNO!!!!!! Stu to the top rope! He flies! AIR CANADA!!!! COVER!!!! 1……2……..NO!!!!! Tag to Stu! Uno has Jon on the back! FATALITY?!?!?! UNO FLIES! FATALITY!!!! COVER!! 1….2….NO!!! Yuta stops the pin!!! Stu with a Pele kick to Jon!!! Tag from Claudio! Pop up po—NO!!!! Rana from Stu! Pin! 1..2….NO!!!

Stu flies for a tag, but Yuta pulls Uno off the apron! Jon sends Stu into the uppercut!!! REAR CHOKE FROM MOXLEY!!!!! It’s OVER!!!

Winners: The Blackpool Combat Club
Call it a nostalgic love for Super Smash Bros, but seeing Stu back already elevated this match. THEN they went out there and blew the fucking roof off. This was, certifiably, a BRISCOE!!!!! This was amazing for so many reasons. Holy cow, what an opener. I hope Stu signed a new contract and this wasn’t a one-off.
Total Rating: ****1/2
Match Time: 13:25

Jon Moxley turns his rear choke into a bulldog choke after the bell! Evil Uno tries to make the save, but the three-on-one is too much! Uppercut from Claudio! Here come Silver and Reynolds! The BCC make their way out of the ring and through the crowd as The Dark Order regroups.

TBS Championship Match
Jade Cargill vs Nicole Matthews

Jade offers her cheek to hit, then mushes Nicole’s face. Nicole with right hands, kick from Jade, whip to the ropes, another pump kick drops Nicole. Jade with Jaded. Cover for 1..2..3!!!

Winner: Jade Cargill

Total Rating: NR
Match Time: :40

Jade Cargill points her 54-0 record out, and wonders if that’s it.

In comes Renee to ask Jade what kind of competition she is looking for. Jade turns to Renee and says ain’t she from Canada?

Jade takes the mic, wonders if that’s it, is that all Canada has to offer? Jade is all smiles. We hear some music, and it’s…

Taya Valkyrie!!!!!

Wera Loca goes face ot face with Jade, and she’s ready for some action. Jade backs off with her title. Leila tries to attack, but Taya lifts her and hits Jaded, pissing Jade off big. Time. Sshe tries to stop the move, but refs are here to stop her. Out comes Mark Sterling to hold Jade back. Jade calms down. She’s calm. She leaves, but shit’s comin.

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Backstage, Schiavone is with Ricky Starks. Starks says itr’s real easy to attack a guy from behind, ain’t it, Juice. Same Ricky, different day, says Ricky. Getting involved with big groups instead of one-on-one action, but he calls out Juice and Bullet Club. Any time, any place.

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We come back to QTV, a TMZ-like show with QT Marshall as Harvey Levin. They go over the Wardlow car break-in and we get video footage of Aaron Solow being the culprit. QT says Wardlow shouldn’t be so surprised, last year MJF stole his momentum. With that haircut, he’d make a good SpikeTV Champ, and QT says, “Ruthless Aggression.” What’s next for Wardlow? Solow says whatever was next for Batista, but not as good.

Powerhouse Hobbs: “Wardlow, welcome to Will’s World, Bitch.

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The new title is at the bottom of the ramp. Orange Cassidy makes his entrance, stops at the new belt, and replaces the old one in his backpack with the new one.

AEW International Championship Match
Orange Cassidy vs Jeff Jarrett

Jarrett with a quick arm drag. He struts. OC stands up in the corner, locks up, another arm drag. Another strut. Jarrett chills on the corner. OC stands up again, OC tries for Orange Punch, misses, floats over, shoves Jarret, he holds onto the ropes, OC with the pockets! Roll through, tries for a dropkick, Jeff stops iut, tries for Figure Four, OC kicks him away, OC leap frogs, knee buckled, and JJ hits a body slam. He struts again, then mocks OC with the pockets thing. Soft kicks to OC! Another! OC is chill on the mat, slowly growing ire. OC stands, chops JJ, again, another, all across the ring, right hands over and over, into the corner, JJ shoves, OC hops up off a flip, drives an elbo,w JJ moves, whip and OC floats to the apron. Head to the buckle! Again, another and another! Sonjay is nearby OC, so he gives him a devastating kick to the chest. JJ shoves him off the apron as we go to break.

We come back and JJ has a sharpshooter on OC!!! He’s hurtin the knee. OC reverses and gets his own, but JJ gets a rope break with the help of Dutt and Singh. OC hits the ropes. Sleeper Hold! POCKET POOL! He hits a jawbreaker to JJ. OC with a choke hold from behind of his own! JJ to the ropes! Singh hangs OC up!!! Dutt was distracting. Knee breaker from JJ!!! He sets up for Figure Four! He locks it in! OC falls back and that’s a pin for 1..2..NO!!! Arm up! He falls back again. 1..2..NO!!!! A third attempt and he pulls himself upright for some punches to JJ, breaking the hold. JJ with a right hand. Right from OC. Right from JJ. Right from JJ! Another from OC! JJ kicks, OC catches, tries for OC! JJ shoves him, REF BUMP!!! NO!!!!!!

JJ turns to see his guitar, which was slid into the ring by Dutt! Here comes AUBREY! She is ready to stop this madness. She grabs the guitar just as JJ is swinging and OC rolls him up! 1..2…NO!!! JJ sweeps the leg. JJ is THIS CLOSE to slapping Aubrey. OC grabs the guitar, but Singh is on the apron to grab the guitar from him! Aubrey turns and OC pretends Singh attacked him!!! Aubrey sends Singh to the back!! DUTT TOO!

OC grabs JJ, hits a DDT! He kips up on one foot!! OC removes the elbow pad!! JJ distracts the ref!

Jay Lethal is here! He has the Golden Globe!! He clocks OC across the head! NO SLING! JJ rolls over! COVER! 1…2……NO!!!!

TRENT RUNS DOWN AND ATTACKS LETHAL!!! He fights Lethal into the crowd.

JJ is up, tries for a right, OC rolls through, tries for a Orange Punch, knee buckles, JJ tries for The Stroke, OC WITH THE ORANGE PUNCH!!! COVER!!!! 1….2…..3!!!

Winner:
Sons of bitches had me worried, but YA BOY OC PULLED IT OFF!!!
Total Rating: *****
Match Time: 13:29

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The Acclaimed has a new music video out, and AEW plays it here. Wanna see it?

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We head to the ring, and we have an official name for Saraya and her friends: The Outcasts.

They come out in a sea of green, and make their way to the ring with nary a smile.

Saraya grabs a mic, tells us to shut our mouths. Ruby Soho has her mic, and wants to tell us a story. Once upon a time, the grass was greener here, until a few dogs (bitches) came along and pissed all over that grass. What do we do with bitches aren’t house broken? Saraya says they show these bitches that AEW is their house. We should be kissing the ground they walk on, because without them, there wouldn’t be a division. She says she is a miracle, but she doesn’t expect anything less, and calls the crowd stinky twats…I think.

Toni Storm says when she became an *Interim* Champion, she wore it with a smile and none of us appreciated her at all. Our current champ cheated and we loved it. She has realized that we don’t know what we want, so they are here to give us what we need. They are the Outcast, and they aren’t going anywhere. They are having too much fun going through entitled rookies like Skye Blue and Willow Nightingale, and Riho (hardly a rookie). They bring up Britt and the champ.

Jamie Hayter and Britt Baker run down to attack. Britt removes her Gucci belt with the green spray paint from a previous attack and looks to use it, but the numbers are too much. Ruby with a Destination Unknown to Britt. Storm Zero to Hayter.

Here comes Riho, Willow Nightingale, and Skye Blue! Riho has the oddest weapon ever. The threegirls stand in front of Jamie and Britt. Riho turns to Jamie and they have some words as Britt looks on, not fully sure of the alliance.

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Rey Fenix wants the first shot at Hobbs on Friday.

Nice.

AEW Trios Championship Match
The Elite vs The Dark Order vs The Jericho Appreciation Society

Sammy and Brody to start! Brody misses a clothesline, Sammy hits a dropkick, but Brody doesn’t budge. Sammy celebrates as if he did something, and Brody chops him down with ease. Tag to Garcia, and Garcia is NOT in any hurry to get into the ring. He chops Brody, Brody no-sells, hits his own chop, and Garcia drops down. He turns to tag, but both his guys are off the apron. Garcia runs to tag in The Elite, but thy all drop away. Lol. Garcia holds his dukes up and Brody kicks his guts in. Tag to Jericho. HUGE POP!

TAG TO OMEGA! CROWD IS HYPED! They go face to face.

BUT HOUSE OF BLACK ENTERS AND CLEARS THE RING!!! Hahaha. Nice.

We come back from a break and Jericho is hitting a back breaker on Black and a cover for 1..2.NO!!! Tag to Sammy and they double shoulder tackle Black down. A pose for the fans from JAS, and Garcia gets back to work. He locks the head after some soft kicks. Sammy with a tag. Uppercut to Sammy. Another. Black with a aboot out of th corner, one for Sammy, one for Garcia, waist lock from Sammy, switch by Black, high kick from Sammy, Black backs int othe ropes and Nick gets a tag. He blocks a right hand, hops over Garcia, walks the ropes, rana and arm drag to both guys! Nick flies over onto the apron, elbows to Buddy, right to Brody, shoulder to Black, kick to Buddy, facebuster into the ring to Black, tries for a moonsault to Buddy, but he catches Nick and shoots him into a knee strike from Black. Black locks the head, works the arm, tag from Buddy. He flies off the to pand steps on the arm of Nick, lfits him to stop the tag. Buddy runs into a kick, right to Buddy, Nick tries for a tag, Buddy stops him again, grabs the leg, enziguri to Buddy, tag to Kenny, he heads to the top ropes! He flies! Crossbody! Axe handle to Sammy, to Garcia, Black in, misses a kick, DOUBLEUNDERHOOKS SNAP DRAGON! ONE FOR BUDDY! Omega with a head scissors sends Buddy into the corner, Jericho gets a tag.

It’s Omega and Jericho.

But in comes Black. Right from Jericho. Elbow from Omega to Buddy. Brody in, they send him out! It’s Jericho and Omega again. THEY GO AT IT! Rights over and over! Jericho gets the rights, hits the ropes, knee from Omega, Garcia makes short work of him, Buddy sends HIM out, Dropkick from Sammy, Superkick to Brody! Sliced Bread from Nick, Matt hits a knee, Metora from Buddy, SNAP DRAGON FROM OMEGA TO BUDDY!!! Omega hits the ropes, but Jericho sweeps the legs! WALLS OF JERICHO!!! Young Bucks with stereo Superkick!! Two for Garcia, One for Malakai, one for Buddy, TWO FOR SAMMY FLYING OFF THE TOP!!! Two for Brody! BIG LARIAT FROM BRODY OFF THE REBOUND!

We ARE back and Jericho misses a right hand off the buckle, and crumbles on the outside. Kenny hits the ropes, dives over the top rope ONTO JERICHO!!! Black and Matthews attack Omega, but here’s Nick to stop it! He heads to the top rope, Matt to the other buckle, Garcia and Guevara in to ststop both of them! Garcia with a superplex into the ring. SAPNISH FLY FROM SAMMY TO MATT

Brody rolls into the ring. He heads to the top rope! Omega is there to stop him! Elbows to the hammies! Omega to the top rope to lock the head of Brody. He fights, Brody fights back, shoves him, Jericho is in. Right hand to Brody. Another. He climbs, Brody shoves him. Omega with a running high knee! Jericho is up! Omega and Jericho both climb! They hook the legs! SUPERPLEX TO BRODY!!! CODEBREAKER TO OMEGA!! Jericho covers! 1….2….NO!!!!

WE SEE BACKSTAGE WHERE THE DARK ORDER AND BCC ARE FIGHTING!! UNO AND GRAYSON ARE NOT THERE THO! SILVER AND REYNOLDS ARE OUTNUMBERED!

Back to the ring, Omega with hard rights, Jericho shoves Omega down. LIONSAULT! KNEES UP!!! Tag to Matt! Tag to Daniel! Northern Lights! Another, in comes Sammy, double Northern Lights! Matt sets up Garcia, but Jericho is here to hit the springboarding Nick with a Codebreaker! Uranage from Garcia! Sammy on the top rope! Shooting Star Press! Cover for 1..2.NO!!! Brody in to break it up! He drags Matt over, tags himself in, and rushes Garcia in the corner. Hard splash. He tries for a cannonball but Garcia hops on his back. He smashes him in the corner. Cannonball! Malakai with a kick as well! Another to Garcia, and Buddy kicks Garcia in the head! Senton to Sammy in the middle of the ring! Brody tosses Sammy to Jericho, goading him in. The entirety of HOB is in. Jericho gets the tag and we get a 3-on-1! It’s short lived. Brody with Dante’s Inferno! Cover for 1..2….NO!!!! Kenny stops the pin!!!!

Jericho has the bat! Aubrey is distracted! He clocks Brody on th head! Sammy with a Shooting Star Press to everyone outside on the floor! Jericho covers! 1`..2..NO!!! Buddy is there to stop the pin!

Black with the back heel kick! Garcia seemingly gets a tag. Jericho rolls outside! Buddy with a knee to Garcia, high kick from Blaack, Dante’s Inferno to Garcia! We get a cover! 1…2…3!!!

Winners: The House of Black
Took a while to get going, with a lot of playing to the crowd – and considering where they were, that’s perfectly ok. But once it got going, it really really got going.
Total Rating: ***3/4
Match Time: 21:45

Jake Hager comes down the ramp and goes straight for Brody. JAS is back up to help out, but here comes Hangman Adam Page and BCC ighting down th ramp. Page enters the ring, he waits. The BCC hop up on the apron. They are going to attack.

THE ELITE ENTER THE RING!!!! Page is in the middle! Page doesn’t see them!

BCC think better of it, backs off! They leave the ring and hop down. Page is confused. He turns slowly to see The Elite, and we end the episode.

End Show