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SICKOS! It’s Wednesday, you know what that means! AEW Dynamite is LIVE tonight from the Cross Insurance Arena in Portland, Maine, and tonight is more than just a standard episode of Dynamite! Since Double or Nothing is this Sunday, and since TNT has bumped Collision for NHL Playoff Hockey, an hour of Collision has been added on to make a block of 180+ minutes of AEW goodness tonight!
With all of that out of the way, let’s get to tonight’s headlines!
So, how is everyone doing on this Hump Day? Looks like the Phillies are back to normal after losing 2/3 to the Cincinnati Reds at home. I guess the “Interim Coach Effect” wore off after 20 games. Indiana Fever have been hit or miss, but being 2-2 after four games with a game tonight against the expansion Portland Fire isn’t the worst thing in the world. And the drama over whether the Eagles will or won’t trade AJ Brown will rage on for another two weeks or so.
But enough about me and enough about you, let’s get ready to make the Dynamite go BOOM!
Tonight, Dynamite (And half of Collision) is live from Portland, Maine! Excalibur, Tony Schiavone, and Taz are on the call tonight!
YOU WANTED WAR AKA The Introduction!
Earlier today, The Young Bucks and Jericho did some sightseeing. This Sunday, they will be in the largest Stadium Stampede. It will make history, and speaking of history, Jericho was right next to the Bucks when they founded AEW. They make fun of Jericho’s Inner Circle, and they mention that Jericho beat Papa Buck’s ass lol. Jericho says he is sorry for that (but he deserved it), but the Bucks say they are going to be a unit for tonight. They argue over whether their team’s name should be Bucks of Jericho or Y2Jackson. I feel like we have been over this before, like MANY years ago, but I could totally be wrong.
Speaking of the Y2Jackson or the Bucks of Jericho, they’re kicking off the show tonight!
The Young Bucks and Jericho vs. Ricochet, Mark Davis, and Andrade El Idolo
Jericho and Ricochet will start this off. BALD and FUCK DON CALLIS chants, beautiful. Ricky leaves the ring, tags in Andrade, and taunts the idiots at ring side for calling him bald. Back in the ring, side-headlock from Jericho to Andrade. Irish whip and chops from Jericho. Another Irish whip, but Andrade slides out of the ring, and he’s found not one but TWO baddies tonight. Callis says that is double the money tonight lol. Jericho is outside now, and he chops Andrade around the ring before they get back into the ring.
Jericho tags in Nick Jackson, and they work triple team offense on Andrade while Davis and Ricky watch. Second rope dropkick from Jericho. Risky Business by the Bucks and a fist drop from Jericho. Andrade rolls away and tags in Davis, who proceeds to wreck shit. Ricky tags in, and Andrade and Ricky try to stop a Nick tag to Matt, but they have no luck. Matt avoids all the heels, uses Ricky was a wall, and hits a bulldog to Andrade. SUPERKICK to Davis!
Andrade stops Matt with a back elbow, but he runs into the Locomotion! Ricky grabs Matt, but Matt with a Casadora! Double Northern Lights to Andrade and Ricky! The Bucks hit topes to the floor! Here comes Jericho, as he flies from the top onto all of the heels! We get team posing in the ring as we head out for the break!
Nick off the top rope and he takes Davis and Ricky to the mat as we return. Jericho gets the tag and Ricky bails, so he goes after Andrade. Jericho with a double axe handle and a bulldog. Lionsault attempt, but Ricky is on the apron and he gets smacked. Everyone is in the ring now. The Bucks of Jericho mount the heels in a corner, we get punches, and one by one, Ranas from the top rope! SUPERKICKS by the Bucks to Andrade into a Code Breaker from Jericho! The pin, but Ricky makes the save!
Jericho with a tag to Matt, who tags in Nick, and they scream for a SUPERKICK PARTY! Andrade eats the SUPERKICKS. They sweep out the legs of Davis and hit leg drops. Andrade in, he corners Nick and heads into the Three Amigos on Matt! Andrade with a suplex to Nick onto Matt. Andrade does the moonsault into a short moonsault, but Matt gets his knees up. Destroyer by Nick! BTE Trigger! The pin, but Ricky is in with the Ricosault! Jericho looking Walls of Jericho, but Ricky escapes only to get clotheslined to the floor!
Baseball slide by Jericho to Ricky, as both men fight behind the timekeeper’s area. They head to the top, and Jericho hits a back suplex to Ricky through the table! Back in the ring, and Andrade hits a back elbow to Davis by accident! BTE Trigger to Andrade, but he kicks out at 2.9! The Bucks looking Meltzer Driver, but Davis distracts Aubrey so the Dogs can attack! Finley with the shillelagh shot, and Andrade with the cover for the win!
WINNERS: Ricochet, Andrade El Idolo, and Mark Davis
TIME: 14:00
THOUGHTS: It looked like it would be over early, as Y2Jackson were in control, and it looked like it was over when Davis got hit by Andrade. But thanks to the Dogs, the heels win, and we get predictable brawling heading into this 14-man match on Sunday.
RATING: ***1/2
The beating is on post-match. Here comes Jack Perry with a bag of onions! He smacks Clark Connors with them, and here comes The Hurt Syndicate! Everyone is fighting everywhere! It ends with a SPEAR by Lashley to Toa Liona in the ring!
We get a video package for Sunday’s International Title match between Kazuchika Okada and Konosuke Takeshita.
Anything goes between Mark Briscoe and Tommaso Ciampa, next!
COMMERCIALS!
The Remarkable Renee Paquette has Darby Allin in the back. She says it’s been fun seeing Darby defend the title, but why do you take all of these matches? Darby says he feels it. He said when he would be champion, he would put himself into and he goes all out. She wants to know why he wanted Max’s hair, it’s simple. Every interview that he does, every red carpet that he walks, being bald will eat him alive. Speedball, he will do everything that it takes to hold onto the title, and you do the same. Just know that tonight, I will do whatever it takes. Thank you, Renee.
Speaking of Darby, we get a video package centered around Darby and MJF, including the haggling by MJF to put his scarf and his ring on the line to get a title shot again. I still laugh at the part where MJF walked past all of the bald wrestlers and refs in the back.
His shadow knows his story.
Anything Goes Match: Tommaso Ciamapa vs. Mark Briscoe
Briscoe chucks a garbage can full of weapons into the ring, but he ducks a kendo stick shot from Ciampa as the bell rings. Running lariat by Briscoe, and he goes for a chain. Ciampa dropkicks him in the knee and smacks Mark with the garbage can. Ciampa leaves the ring, not content with that is in the ring, and he pulls out even more PLUNDAH. Ciampa yells in pain, and we see he got a rat trap stuck on his hand LOL! Ciampa calls Briscoe a son of a bitch, so Briscoe smashes a mop stick over his back.
Much to the delight of the SICKOS, Briscoe pulls out a table! Briscoe sets up a chair and puts Ciampa in it. From the apron comes Briscoe, who hits Ciampa with a CANNONBALL! Briscoe retrieves the chain from the ring and chokes Ciampa out with it. Briscoe sets Ciampa on the table, he heads to the top, but Ciampa is awake and he chokes Briscoe with the chain! Ciampa sends Briscoe from the top and through the table! Ciampa pulls out more PLUNDAH from the ring, and he has a cheese grater! He uses the grater like a violin across the forehead of Briscoe, and I just hope that Domino’s still isn’t a partner. IYKYK, as we head out for the break.
Ciampa has a stuffed chicken and he pins it, and Briscoe pulls Rick Knox out of the ring. What a spot lol. Mark with the fire extinguisher treatment, and Briscoe is still bleeding like a broken faucet. Briscoe smashes Ciampa with a cookie sheet, as Ciampa hits the ring. THIS IS AWESOME chants, as Briscoe again brings out a table. He sets up the table, and he empties barbwire out of the trash can. We also see a staple gun, as Briscoe proceeds to do shop class homework. He stomps, goes back over and kicks Ciampa and smacks him with a garbage can. He goes back to his project, but Ciampa fires the trash can at him.
Ciampa rakes the barbwire against the face of Briscoe, and he proceeds to staple the to the table. He grabs papers from the announce desk and he staples them onto the head of Briscoe. Both men back in the ring, and Ciampa has a tack covered knee pad! He charges Briscoe, but Mark with a drop toe hold into the ladder in the corner! Briscoe has a Phillips head screwdriver, and he jams it into the head of Ciampa! Ciampa escapes the DVD attempt, and he hits a suplex to Mark onto the ladder! The cover, but Briscoe kicks out at two.
A-E-DUB chants, as both men trade shots in the middle of the ring. Ciampa goes to the forehead, Briscoe to a knee, and he eats the thumbtack covered kneepad! Ciampa looks devious, and he sets up two chairs side-by-side. Psycho Killer attempt, but Briscoe fights free. Ciampa gets caught on the top rope, and Briscoe turns the chairs back-to-back. He throws Ciampa from the top and onto both chairs! JAY DRILLER FROM THE APRON AND THROUGH THE TABLE! FROGGY BOW, AND BRISCOE WINS!
WINNER: Mark Briscoe
TIME: 14:20
THOUGHTS: Two guys who are capable of going out there and making a hardcore brawl a lot of fun, and BAH GAWD did they do that. Mindless chaos, and a lot of fun.
RATING: ***3/4
Swerve Strickland returns, next!
COMMERCIALS!
Tony Schiavone is in the ring as we return. We open up the Owen Hart Tournament this Sunday, and one of the greatest matches in the first round is..
But Prince Nana is here. He says Tony looks like an old substitute teacher trying to keep his kids in line. He tells him to beat it, and Nana wants to introduce a good friend, his boss, and a man who will prove something this Sunday. He is the most Dangerous Man in AEW, come on out, Swerve Strickland!
Swerve comes out to the ring, but he doesn’t get far, as Bandido is here! He jumps Swerve from behind, and the fight is on! Bandido with a Senton Atomico to Swerve, and he throws Strickland into the ring steps. Nana sneaks up from behind on Bandido with a chair, but Bandido disarms him and kicks him in the gut. This allows Strickland the chance to attack Bandido, as Swerve collects a chair and sets it up in the ring. Strickland looking Verte breaker on the chair, but Bandido escapes and he press slams Swerve with one arm! Nana looks like he just shit himself lol. Bandido toys with the chair for a bit, Strickland throws it at Bandido, he deflects it and grabs it. This forces Strickland to retreat up the aisle with Nana.
The guys run down the bracket for the Men’s Owen Tourney.
Willow Nightingale is in the back! She says winning the TBS Title was one of the best moments in her career. She’s had no shortage of them in AEW, since she won the Owen, she was one half of the first tag team champions, and winning this TBS Title back from Mercedes validated who she was. She told herself that, night in and night out, she said she would defend the TBS Title against all-comers. Unfortunately, in her most recent title match with Red Velvet, she hurt her shoulder. Unfortunately, she wanted to go to New York this Sunday and compete against Alex Winsdor in front of friends and family, but she has to withdraw from the tournament. Worse still, she has to vacate the TBS Title. She doesn’t know when she will be back, but when she does return, she will head right back to the top.
As a result of this, Windsor will face a Wildcard in the first round. That also means that they are moving the Mina Shirakawa and Athena match to Double or Nothing instead.
It’s time to ride that death!
AEW Continental Title Eliminator: Jon Moxley vs. Kyle O’Reilly
Just a reminder that Kyle doesn’t have to win to get a shot at the title, he can survive 20 minutes as well. The bell rings, and both men circle one another. Moxley motions two fingers at O’Reilly, possibly indicative of the amount of times Kyle beat him before O’Reilly was injured. Early grappling, side headlock from Moxley. O’Reilly reverses the hold, Moxley gets his legs around Kyle, and they reset.
Moxley tries to lure O’Reilly in, but Jon backs off and moves back in to grab arm control. He wrestles O’Reilly to the mat, and Kyle works his way to the ring ropes to break the hold. Back to their feet, pummeling by both men, according to Taz, but Moxley uses the break to land a cheap shot. He takes Kyle to the corner, Kyle looking to reverse, but Moxley flattens O’Reilly out with one chop.
Wrist control by Moxley, and he snaps the fingers of O’Reilly as he hits the mat. Moxley invites O’Reilly into a striking battle, which Jon lives to regret when Kyle knocks him to the mat. Moxley to his feet, he jumps around in place, and O’Reilly snatches him up for a snap suplex for a two. Moxley looking for the boxer’s jabs, while Kyle looks to strike to the back of Jon’s knee. Both men change levels in their strike games, and Moxley goes to the midsection of O’Reilly. Kyle rolls around in pain on the mat, Moxley goes to approach, but Paul Turner backs him off so he can check on Kyle.
Moxley traps O’Reilly in the ropes and he puts his thumb into the forehead and the eyes of O’Reilly and goes back to the midsection. Moxley charges in, but Kyle dumps him to the floor. O’Reilly looks to fly, but he grabs his midsection after he hits the ropes. Moxley with a big boot as we hit the break.
Moxley has O’Reilly in a body scissor as we return. He grabs at the face of O’Reilly and pulls back, but O’Reilly gives him a taste of his own medicine when he goes to the eyes of Moxley. Kyle to his feet, he lands kicks, but Moxley, as previously mentioned, goes to the eye of O’Reilly. Moxley charges in, but O’Reilly dropkicks the knee of Moxley, and he hits the mat. O’Reilly with a corner clothesline, but Moxley responds in kind. O’Reilly with another charging clothesline, but he bounces off of the ropes into a Sleeper! O’Reilly flips Moxley over his back and heads to the top, and he hits a knee strike to the head of Jon.
O’Reilly goes for the ankle lock, but Moxley very quickly makes it to the ropes for the break. They end up on the floor, where they land strikes that cancel each other out before hitting coincidental lariats. Moxley gets back into the ring, but O’Reilly heads to the apron, where he stomps on the leg of Moxley. Kyle to the top rope, but he takes way too long, and Moxley cuts him off. He heads up, bites the forehead like an apple, bits the ear like an orange, and then generously scratches Kyle’s back. A Superplex finishes the sequence, but there is no pin.
Moxley goes for the Bulldog Choke, but O’Reilly turns it into the cross arm-breaker, and switches into the ankle lock. Moxley drops to his stomach to avoid, and he goes into the Bulldog choke. Gator rolls by Moxley, and he keeps the hold on until O’Reilly gets his foot on the ropes. Both men are on the apron, Moxley’s piledriver is fought off, Kyle snaps his arm off the apron! Moxley has a seat in the corner, and O’Reilly lights him up with a running dropkick.
O’Reilly returns Moxley to the ring, but Jon surprises him with a CUTTER FROM OUTTA NOWHERE! Moxley goes for the Bulldog Choke, but O’Reilly switches to an overhead sleeper. Taking the advice of Taz, Kyle hits an overhead suplex to Moxley as we reach the two-minute warning. PK from O’Reilly, but he can’t go for the cover. Moxley gets to his feet first, but O’Reilly is back up as well. Arkady lets us know that one minute is left as both men trade strikes. Moxley drops O’Reilly, but his stomp misses, and O’Reilly has the ankle lock! Kyle wrenches back on the hold, as Moxley eats his fist! Moxley holds on long enough to get to the bell!
WINNER: No one/Time limit draw
TIME: 20:00
THOUGHTS: They did a great job of making it seem like O’Reilly was going to get a definitive win before the time ran out, but I’m kind of glad he didn’t, because now he gets a no-time limit match with Jon, probably at DoN.
RATING: ****
Arkady announces that O’Reilly has survived the twenty minutes to get a title shot. O’Reilly takes the mic from her, and he says he didn’t survive. He tells Jon that he has his number, so he wants a shot at his title with no time limit, because Jon’s ass is his.
We head to the back, where Renee has Hikaru Shida and Kris Statlander. She brings up Willow vacating the TBS title, and Kris says it is a shame because she is always professional, but Shida cuts them off and speaks in Japanese. She says that she will work with Kris at Double or Nothing to win the Women’s Title, but Kris says that she better watch her back. Renee asks if Kris will be cleared for Sunday, and she tells Renee yes. She walks off, and Shida says that all the women will fight hard tonight!
Speaking of, that 8-woman tag is coming up next!
COMMERCIALS!
RUSH is here post-break! DARBY ALLIN! If you survive the week, then RUSH will be waiting for you and the World Title, Perro! BECAUSE WHEN YOU MESS WITH THE BULL, YOU GET THE HERNS!
Science, has held the mother right!
The Triangle of Madness and ROH Women’s Champion Athena vs. The Brawling Birds, Mina Shirakawa, and Thunder Rosa
Athena losses her mind before the match even begins lol. The bell officially rings, as Rosa and Athena will start this one. Early grappling, and Athena shakes to taunt Rosa. Rosa with a clothesline, off the ropes with a crossbody for a two. To the corner, and Alex Windsor gets the tag, but Athena with a cross chop and she takes in Skye Blue.
This brings in Jamie Hayter, and the Brawling Birds beat up on Blue. Hayter apparently is also legal, as she pins Blue for a two. Thekla and Mina get the tag now, and Mina controls the pace. She ends up on the apron, she says I’M HERE, bell clap to Thekla, and she hits the springboard Tornio for a two. That’ll take us to the break.
Mina and Skye are trading hands as we return. Blue rips Mina down to the mat by her hair, and she gets fed to the corner. The faces go to help, but we get multiple Tarantulas and dropkicks. Athena with the tag, and she hits a dropkick from the corner for a two. Mina with a SHOTEI, and she gets the tag to Rosa. Thunder with clotheslines and a corner lariat to Blue. She goes from the apron and back in with a dropkick in the corner. Off comes the jersey, and she hits a running basement dropkick. The pin is broken up, and we have entered the part of the match where everyone gets their shit in.
Everyone is down in the ring or on the floor, where Hayter and Windsor end up. Athena goes to fly, but Mina grabs her by the foot and pulls her out of the ring. Mina with a crossbody attempt, Athena catches her, but Mina reverses and spikes the Forever Champion with a DDT! In the ring, Thekla gets the blind tag, and she has her title belt. I think I know where this is heading. Mike Posey stops her, but that allows Julia Hart the opportunity to spit the mist in the eyes of Rosa! Thekla rolls up Rosa for the win!
WINNER: The Triangle of Madness and Athena
TIME: 9:45
THOUGHTS: Amazing women in the match aside, this was a plain Jane match with the predictable ending. And again, they don’t even get ten minutes out there.
RATING: ***
Jet Speed are in the back. Knight hypes up Bailey and tells him to not forget about the little people, because when he wins the World Title, he wants to challenge Speedball for the title. We get a Jet Speed handshake, and they both stare into the camera. That World Title match is the main event of Dynamite, and it’s next!
COMMERCIALS!
The Death Riders are doing push-ups in the back as we return. Renee asks Jon how things will be different when there is no time limit in the Continental Title match. Moxley says that isn’t some kind of consolation, and he wants to thank O’Reilly, because win, lose, or draw, he has pushed Moxley to be better, so he thanks him. But do you think you can tap out Moxley three times? You did it twice, but what are the holds? He says the house wins, its game seven, and when the game is on the line, does he miss?
It’s time for the MAIN EVENT!
But wait, before the match can begin, MJF is here in a fancy pink suit! He will join the guys on commentary!
AEW Men’s World Title Match: Darby Allin (C) vs. Speedball Mike Bailey
Speedball connects with a dropkick at the bell, and he hits another kickoff the ropes! He hits Darby with the Time and Adventure! He looks for the Ultimo Weapon, but Darby rolls out to the apron. Bailey proceeds to do the kicks in the ropes, and he hits a triangle moonsault off the post to Allin! Bailey throws Allin into the barricade and he pounds away on Allin. Holy shit, did someone try to cut Mike’s mullet or something?
Bailey breaks the count and he hits a scoop slam to Allin on the floor. Bailey to the ring steps, and he hits a double knee drop to Allin. Bailey positions Allin against the barricade and he heads up, but Darby trips him up, and Speedball’s balls take some kind of abuse. Darby back up on the barricade, SCORPION DEATH DROP ON THE BARRICADE! That’ll take us to the break!
Allin is back in control as we return from the break. Allin looking Magistral, but Bailey kicks out at two. Speedball tries one of his own, Allin kicks out, and Bailey kicks him in the head. Bailey lines up Allin for the Time and Adventure! The pin, but Allin kicks out at two. Bailey with a PK and a moonsault knee drop, but Allin again kicks out at two. Thrust kick by Bailey, and he sets Allin on the top. Flamingo Driver, Allin out the back door, Bailey with a counter, but Allin again with the counter into another Scorpion Death Drop!
LET’S GO DARBY chants as Allin stomps on the midsection of Bailey and he applies the Scorpion Death Lock! Kevin Knight wills on his Jet Speed partner, as Bailey gets the break. But there is no true break for Bailey, as Allin hits him with a Coffin Drop! He goes back to the Death Lock! Bailey looks like he will make it to the ropes, but he ends up tapping out!
WINNER: Darby Allin (And still)
TIME: 10:40
THOUGHTS: I really liked this hyper-aggressive version of Speedball in this match. He came out and on the attack like a man possessed. But, obviously, with the bigger match on Sunday, Darby wasn’t losing here.
RATING: ***3/4
AND HERE WE GO TO COLLISION!
Knight has a mic post-match, and he tells Speedball that he is proud of him. He gave Darby the toughest match that he has had as a Champion yet. Knight says that it is up to Darby Allin to humble MJF, because of he could beat him, then he knows Allin can. So, when you beat MJF and shave his head bald and send him to Turkey, then the Het will be waiting. Don’t let me down, don’t let the fans down, because are counting on you.
Knight helps both Bailey and Allin up to their feet. We see MJF stalking around in the back of the crowd like a coward. Once Knight and Bailey leave up the ramp, MJF sneaks back behind the timekeeper’s area and he attacks Allin from behind. He poses in the corner to BALD chants, and he grabs the World Title and says he will make it three reigns MJF heads out to the outside and he grabs an electric razor from under the ring! He looks to stab Darby with it, but Allin grabs it and he traps the arm of MJF! He goes to cut his hair, but MJF scurries away like a scolded dog (Shoutout Good Ole JR).
Excalibur runs down matches for Double or Nothing while we hear someone talking in the background. I thought it was MJF cutting a promo, but it turns out that it was the Death Riders hyping up Will Ospreay for his match.
Will Ospreay vs. Katsuyori Shibata
The bell rings, and Shibata looks for the flying cross-arm breaker! Ospreay looks to reverse it, but Shibata gets the upper hand, and Ospreay makes it to the ropes. Shibata wants to shake hands, but Ospreay takes Shibata to the mat. Ospreay looking surfboard, but Shibata flips over into some arm control. He hits a suplex in the ring, both men roll out to the apron, and Shibata hits another suplex on the apron.
Shibata sets up a chair at ringside, and he puts Ospreay in it. Shibata gets a running start, he pulls up short, and boots Will in the chest, knocking him and the chair over. Back in the ring, and Shibata peppers Ospreay with forearms. Will follows Shibata to the other corner and gives as good as he gets. Shibata follows Will across the ring and lands more forearms. Shibata backs off, but Ospreay kicks him right in the face. Shibata to the floor, and here comes Ospreay with a springboard crossbody block! That’ll take us to the break.
Both men trade strikes in the middle of the ring as we return. Ospreay changes levels and hits a springboard back elbow, flooring Shibata. Ospreay sizes up Shibata for a kick to the chest. Shibata sends Ospreay to the apron, but here comes Will with a springboard flying clothesline for a two. Chops by Ospreay followed by the Kawada kicks. Shibata counters into a front face lock. Ospreay to the corner, he slumps down, and Shibata scores with the running dropkick. Half-and-half suplex by Shibata for a two.
Shibata kicks Ospreay in the back and he taunts him. Ospreay wags his finger, so Shibata does it again. Will to his knees and he is fired up. Will with a kick that Shibata shrugs off, but he doesn’t shrug off the short back elbow. Falcon Arrow by Ospreay, he did the deal, but Shibata kicks out at two. Hidden Blade incoming, but Anthony Bowens is here, and he grabs the foot of Ospreay, allowing Shibata to hit his own Hidden Blade! Claudio Castagnoli and Marina Shafir are here, and they back off Bowens! With the ref distracted (it is Rick Knox), Shibata hits a low blow to Ospreay and locks on the Cross-Arm Breaker. Will to his feet and he stacks up Shibata with a powerbomb set-up into the BRUV Clash! Hidden Blade proper, and Ospreay wins it!
WINNER: Will Ospreay
TIME: 10:50
THOUGHTS: A really good match, and we continue to see the evolution of Will Ospreay as a wrestler. Sure, he can still fly, but he’s becoming far more cerebral and calculating. Of course, Shibata was the perfect foil for Ospreay in this match.
RATING: ***3/4
Post-match, Samoa Joe is here. He isn’t out here to fight Will now, because at Double or Nothing, he will have Ospreay all to himself. He is out here to check on his guy, because that is what he does for his friends, but you decided not to be friends with Joe. So, at Double or Nothing, Joe will put your ass to sleep!
Ospreay has the mic. He wants to tell Joe something. He wakes up, he grabs breakfast, he smacks the wife’s ass, and he checks his phone. He trains harder than he ever has. He had neck surgery, and ten years ago, he would have let that end his career, but not now. These people say JOE’S GONNA KILL YOU, but BRUV, how can you kill someone who has already died in this ring? The stakes are high, because whoever wins the Owen will face the man who holds the World Title. He has the chance to go to the biggest stadium in his country, and not only does he have the company on his back, hell, he has the whole country on his back. He says that the Death Riders killed him, but they rebooted him, and they made him into a certified killer. At Double or Nothing, he begins his run in the Owen Hart Tournament all the way to winning the World Title at All-In, BRUV!
Christian Cage and Adam Copeland are in a stairway somewhere in the back. Copeland says that they became friends in the sixth grade. They bonded over wrestling, and they said they would be tag team champions. They even had daughters six weeks apart, and you have watched them grow into men in front of your very eyes. Adam says that after what they did to his wife, he wants the best version of FTR, so they can beat their asses. and take the tag team titles. Cage says that he always says that when you are born, you look like your family, but when you die, you look like nobody who ever knew you. At Double or Nothing, they are going to fuck up FTR!
HERNS!
RUSH vs. T.J. Crawford
Over/under on this going 60 seconds?
Crawford wants to shake hands with RUSH, and RUSH obliges, but he doesn’t let go, and he smashes TJ with a forearm. RUSH smacks him around in the corner and stomps on him when he is done. RUSH to the opposite corner, the Bull is ready, and Crawford gets the HERNS! The pin, and that’s all she wrote.
WINNER: RUSH
TIME: Literally 60 seconds.
THOUGHTS: HERNS WERE GIVEN ON THIS NIGHT!
RATING: HERNS!
RUSH tells us what we already knew, and that is when you mess with the Bull, you get the HERNS!
From one squash to another, Divine Dominion will roll out the Five-minute challenge, next!
COMMERCIALS!
Divine Dominion are on their way out. Renee looks to do her ringside interview, but Lena says let’s see how long this takes. Giggity?
Divine Dominion vs. Elle Valentine and Kayla Lopez
Remember, this is five-minute challenge. If these girls last five minutes, then they will earn a title shot down the line.
But seriously? Bayne bulldozes Valentine to the corner, Valentine moves and slaps Bayne on the back, but Megan is PISSED lol. Bayne takes Valentine to their corner and she clobbers Valentine. Kross gets the tag, and she hits a running corner splash. She pins Valentine in the corner and hits the old Matt Morgan back elbows. Kross picks up Valentine, spins her around, and plants her with a sidewalk slam. Kross throws Valentine to her corner, and her comes Lopez. Well, she DID come in, but she got crushed by a big boot from Kross. Bayne and Kross proceeds to run wild on her, and Bayne hits a release German. The Champs load up a stereo stalling suplex, Bayne drops her girl, and Kross drops the other one on top of her. The Fall from Grace finishes this one.
WINNERS: Divine Dominion
TIME: 2:50
THOUGHTS: I feel like Megan and Lena could have ended this one in half the time, but I’m not complaining. The more Bayne and Kross on TV, that’s always welcome.
RATING: Divine Domination
Video package for the MJF and Darby Allin match, interpolated with footage of other wrestlers getting their heads shaved, including Wheeler Yuta.
Hey, did you know that Mick Foley is ALL ELITE? He’ll be on the Zero Hour panel! Excalibur runs down the rest of the matches for Double or Nothing this Sunday.
FTR will defend the tag team titles in the Collison main event against Orange Cassidy and Roderick Strong, next!
COMMERCIALS!
AEW Men’s Tag Team Titles Match: FTR (C) W/Big stoke vs. Orange Cassidy and Roderick Strong
FTR get the jump on their challenges before the bell, and they still have their ring jackets on. They try the stuck piledriver spot, but Strong saves Cassidy from certain doom. Cassidy ends up rolling up Wheeler for a two. The Champions look to make their escape, but Strong follows them up the ramp and fights them back to ring side. Cassidy climbs to the top, and he hits a lazy elbow drop to both members of FTR.
Strong and Harwood are in the ring now, where Roddy hits Dax with a back body drop. Cassidy gets the tag, and Strong hits a gut buster to Harwood. Cassidy loads up the Orange Punch, but Wheeler pulls his partner to ring side so they can collect themselves. That will take us to break of the night.
Harwood is in control with a headlock on Strong as we return. Roddy to his feet looking for the tag, but Harwood initiates a chop battle. Strong gives as good as he gets, and he adds a backbreaker for good measure. Wheeler with the tag, and he knocks Cassidy off the apron. Strong off the ropes and both Wheeler and Strong collide om lariats. Here comes Cassidy into the match. He goes to the top and he hits a diving crossbody to Harwood. Wheeler is back, and they are looking double suplex, but Strong saves Cassidy.
Sunset flip attempt by Cassidy, Strong helps with a chop to Harwood, and he kicks out at two. Harwood ends up on the floor, where Cassidy hits him with a Tope Suicida. Back in the ring, though, and Wheeler gets the tag. Leapfrog by Wheeler into a Spinebuster from Harwood. Wheeler with the pin, but OC is out at two. Wheeler chops Cassidy and he taunt the crowd. Jabs from Wheeler, and Cassidy ends up in a grounded Cobra Clutch.
Cassidy escapes, but Harwood tags in. Dax misses not one but two elbow drops, as Cassidy ends up on the apron. Wheeler wildly charges Cassidy, and he hits the ring post. Harwood ends up hitting the ring post, but FTR come back and isolate Cassidy after they knock Strong off the apron. NOW we will take our last break.
Cassidy tags in Strong as we return. But wait, oblivious Paul Turner was obvious and didn’t see the tag of course. REF, YOU SUCK chants, as Wheeler ends up crashing in the order and this time the tag is legal. Strong with chops to Harwood and a German from the corner to Wheeler. Strong hammer whips Cassidy across the ring into both members of FTR, and he picks up Cassidy and launches him into a DDT on Wheeler. The cover, but Cash kicks out at two.
Harwood pulls Strong from the ring apron, and he throws him into the ring post. Both men isolate Cassidy and look for the Shatter Machine, but somehow Cassidy escapes. He pins Wheeler for a two, as Strong tries to get back into the ring. FTR hit Cassidy with the deadliest kicks known to man, but their double suplex is broken up when Strong hits a running Sick Kick to Wheeler. Stoke gets on the apron, but Harwood ends up hitting Stoke, and Cassidy rolls him up for a two.
Stun Dog Millionaire to Harwood, and the pad comes off! Cassidy runs in, but Wheeler is back, and they hit the Shatter Machine! The pin, but Strong makes the save! Strong and Wheeler end up clotheslining each other to the floor, leaving Harwood and Cassidy. Orange goes for the hands in the pocket, and he gets a two on the backslide. They trade reversals, Turner ducks out of the way, allowing Stoke to hit Cassidy with Christian’s stolen watch, and Harwood wins it for his team.
WINNERS: FTR (Still Champions)
TIME: 18:40
THOUGHTS: Given that we have a much bigger tag team title match on deck for Sunday, I don’t think anyone in their right mind expected FTR to win this match. But clearly Strong and Cassidy weren’t just going to lay down and die out there for them. A pretty solid main event for Collision.
RATING: ***1/2
Post-match, FTR celebrate with their tag team titles, and Stoke flips off the fans because he can’t get no hoes! And with that, we are done!
