Join 411’s Live AEW Dynamite Coverage

Hey kids! Tony is otherwise occupied this evening, so you have me for the AEW Dynamite coverage. I can sense your disappointment, much like how New Jersey fans are disappointed they’re not getting some Blood & Guts tonight. Fear not, I have faith in AEW to provide some blood and maybe even some guts tonight.

Cook’s AEW Dynamite 9.15.21 Review

It’s Wednesday night, and you know what that means! JR, Tony & Excalibur are on the call, and they’re joined by CM Punk! Punk jumps into the crowd as Tony informs us he’s a six-time world champion. I remember when Harley Race & Lou Thesz were tied at six and considered the greatest of all time. This girl in the crowd got polka dots on like Tommy Dreamer.

Adam Cole vs. Frankie Kazarian: BAY BAY! I would say some nice things about Frankie, but he’s got me blocked on Twitter. No reason why, I don’t have enough reach to properly spread any lies about people. Kazarian with the early mat wrestling advantage, establishing himself as having a chance in this match. Then he gets dumped outside. Whipped into the apron. Cole taking a bow. Kaz with that trademark legdrop on the apron. Cole with a pump kick back in the ring. Let’s not take Jade’s moves. Cole with the chinlock! Kaz fight out, gets a nearfall then a submission. Cole kicks his way out of it. Hits the F-U into a neckbreaker for two. Cole sets up the superkick, blocked, Kaz hits the German suplex for two. Kaz goes for the chicken wing, Cole rolls through for a nearfall, then hits a super kick for two. Kaz blocks the Panama Sunrise, hits the leg drop for two. Punk called Cole Florida Man and I loled. Strike exchange, Kaz wins with a lariat, but Cole hits a Complete Shot for two. Kaz misses the leg drop and there’s the Panama Sunrise, followed by the Last Shot for three.

Winner: Adam Cole
Match Rating: ***

Good establishing match for ADAM COLE BAY BAY against a veteran that hates me for some reason. Who’s ready for STORY TIME? Hope is a dangerous thing, and the locker room hopes they can keep up with the Elite. Three guys have gotten under his skin. Christian Cage, Luchasaurus & Jungle Boy. Cole says those three can take on Adam Cole & the Young Bucks next week in a six-man tag. The Super Kliq is back bay bay!

Lucha Brothers and Butcher & Blade used to be a family. Alex tells us Penta says they can challenge for the straps on Rampage.

Tony is backstage with Fuego del Sol & Sammy Guevara. Fuego is going to put his new car on the line against Miro’s TNT Championship. Punk says he has a lot to teach these kids.

MJF wants his music cut. He is standing in the armpit of America known as New Jersey. Well, I can’t agree with the Bruce Springsteen smack. The Devils suck though. He’s salt of the Earth, and very religious, so he wants to have a conversation with the late, great Brian Pillman. MJF is a huge fan, but his widow Methanie created the worst excuse for a second generation wrestler in Brian Pillman Jr.. If Brian shows up in that awful town known as Queens, he’ll get his ass kicked. They can chant Pillman all they want, but before he hits the catchphrase, Brian Jr’s music hits. He sends Wardlow to the entranceway, but Brian sneaks in the back door. Brian sends Wardlow out of the ring and his music hits again.

JR talks to Brian Jr. about his father. He was embarrassed for Brian & his dad last week, and he wants to see MJF get his ass kicked at Arthur Ashe. Brian agrees he let the people down last week. We don’t know the adversity he’s been through. MJF will step in the ring with a Pillman next week.

Jungle Boy wants to talk! He’s got better friends and better hair than Adam Cole does. Christian Cage accepts the challenge. See ya at the Rampage Grand Slam bay bay.

FTR (w/Tully Blanchard) vs. Matt Sydal & Dante Martin: Sydal tries to get some quick pins on Harwood early. Martin & Wheeler tag in, and Martin eats some stuff on the floor. Love Punk talking about Joe Blanchard’s baby boy. Sydal gets the tag and shows some babyface fire. We see a dive from Sydal & Martin onto FTR. We goin picture in picture!

I don’t pay attention to the picture in picture stuff, so I’ll respond to something in the comments. From what I know about Brian Pillman Sr., he wouldn’t have given a shit about people using him for heat nearly 25 years after his death. He was as smart as anybody in the business, and would have been glad to help his son out.

Some near-falls as we return. FTR kicking out at 2.6 on all this stuff. BIG RIG gets a three count.

Winners: FTR
Match Rating: **1/2

Can’t wait for the FTR/Lucha Brothers match is all I have to say.

We go back to the booth, and CM Punk is ready to talk about the Suzuki Incident. He is insulted by his music getting cut off during his entrance, and he wants revenge. Lance Archer points out how Moxley wanted Suzuki in Cincinnati, but it’ll be different in Arthur Ashe. They’ll show Mox & Suzuki what strong style is all about.

Malakai Black is here. That is a demonic looking individual. Punk points out how the temperature has changed. Black asks the members of his house to rise, for they have an enemy in their midst. Apparently that enemy is Rosario Dawson, a friend of Cody! And here comes Cody! Rosario attacks beforehand! Cody arrives in his red suit and it’s BONZO GONZO! They’re fighting up the stairs! I’d be yelling “Kick his ass, SeaBass” at either one. We go to commercial!

We take a look back at the history between Anna Jay & The Bunny. Bunny threatens to drag her down the Rabbit Hole. The Dark Order is backstage and still arguing. Anna doesn’t want them out there if they can’t get their stuff together. Tay’s got her back.

Dan Lambert is out here talking shit. Not sure if he should be talking about short people doing flips when Ethan Page & Scorpio Sky are his men, but here comes Chris Jericho! Along with Jake Hager! Lambert tells them to turn the music off while Excalibur runs down the MMA fighters in the ring Lambert didn’t introduce. “I’m a fat-faced dipshit yeah yeah yeah” is apparently Lambert’s theme. Lambert runs down Jericho’s book of the month club and his records. Jericho wants to know which one of the meatheads is on top of American Top Team. Jake is undefeated in MMA, and Jericho has been fighting MMA people backstage his whole career. Mike Tyson says everybody’s got a plan until they get punched, so why don’t they walk down there and do that right now. Lambert says it’ll happen in a real city, like New York City. Next week at the Grand Slam. Jericho says if Page & Sky are too big of pussies to face them in Jersey, there will be no Escape From New York.

The Gunn Club are undefeated.

Jade Cargill (w/Smart Mark Sterling) vs. Leyla Hirsch: Not gonna lie, I’m more impressed with Jade each time I see her. All the potential in the world there. Leyla wants to take it to the mat, and Jade takes it outside. Poor Mark split his pants at the sight of Leyla. Hirsch hits some shots in the corner, then locks in the cross arm-breaker. Jade counters with a powerbomb and we head to p in p. We come back, and Hirch has a choke locked in. Jade gets out. Hirsch with a German suplex for two. Dive to the outside, followed by a running knee for two! Hrisch misses the moonsault. Big pump kick. Jade gets her up for the Jaded, and that’s it.

Winner: Jade Cargill
Match Rating: **1/2

Nice showing from two ladies with a world of potential.

Andrade El Idolo explains why Chavo got beat up after Friday’s match. He’s not the boss! Punk is very impressed by Andrade & Pac. Taz walks up with Hook & here we go. Hobbs attacks from behind! Hooks with a dragon sleeper! Hooks clears the announce area so Hobbs can slam Punk through the table!

We see clips of the last segment, then a recap of the issues between Shawn Spears & Darby Allin.

Shawn Spears (w/Tully Blanchard) vs. Darby Allin (w/Sting): Spears attacks early. Then he drags Darby right in front of Sting, which doesn’t seem smart. But Spears is apparently a smart man, as he re-arranges the steel steps. Sure enough, Allin avoids the knee strike against the steps. Tully averts Darby’s first dive of the match. Spears gets the advantage on the floor, then tries to rub Darby’s face paint off in the ring! Not surprising, Spears has always been allergic to anything entertaining.

We return and Spears’ Scorpion Deathlock gets broken up by the ropes. They go up top. Spears breaks up a double stomp attempt by yanking Darby’s chain. That advantage doesn’t last long, and Darby hits the Coffin Drop for 3.

Winner: Darby Allin
Match Rating: **1/2

FTR appear in the ring. They attack Sting & Darby! Tully hits Sting with the chair and that doesn’t go well. FTR attacks Sting in response. Darby’s response is muted. Spike Piledriver to Sting! FTR holds Sting while Tully tries to wipe the facepaint off! Jesus Christ, what is wrong with these people?

Bryan Danielson is going after one member of the Elite. He wants Kenny Omega to be his first match, but he’ll take on whoever.

Tony Schiavone is in the ring to introduce Bryan Danielson. Before Bryan can start talking, Mr. Pepto Bismol Don Callis comes out. Tony gets out of the ring right away this time. Callis claims that Bryan is a mark like all these people. Bryan gets tired of Don, as he’s here to talk to Kenny. Someday this will be about the title, right now it’s just about who’s better. Don says there’s no way. Bryan calls him a piece of shit. Bryan points out that Kenny hangs out with a bunch of stooges and lets a piece of shit talk to him. He doesn’t think Kenny lost a step, he just lost his balls. Yes or No? Kenny answers with Yes. Callis doesn’t look pleased. The fans seem pleased!

Miro is wondering why Fuego is calling him out. He will bash his brains and bash his car.

Loaded card Friday night! We’ll see Danielson vs. Omega on Wednesday night! FTR will take on Darby & Sting! Friday night Grand Slam is freaking loaded! I’m working all next week so I’m pissed about all of this.

Eddie Kingston & Jon Moxley vs. 2point0 (w/Daniel Garcia): This thing has already broken down with the heels attacking during Wild Thing. We get back in the ring & Moxley is biting people. 2point0 & Garcia get the advantage on the outside as we go to commercial.

Eddie cleans house once he gets the tag. Machine gun chops! We know he hates 2point0 for reasons. Spinning backfist! DDT! Mox tags in, clothesline with a half & half suplex gets the win!

Winners: Jon Moxley & Eddie Kingston
Match Rating: **

Oh shit, here comes Minoru Suzuki! New Jersey is nice enough to give him his entrance while Lance Archer yanks Eddie out of the ring. It’s completely broken down now. Mox blocks the Gotch style piledriver on a table and they ramble on to the other side of the arena. Goodness Gracious.

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