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SICKOS! Sorry to disappoint you all, but unfortunately, Theo is not here tonight! But never fear, while I may not be as good as he is, I will do my absolute, 100% best to convey the action for this totally not Collision episode of Grand Slam in Australia!

Grand Slam promises to deliver BRISCOE after BRISCOE tonight, and Australian born talent will be taking center stage. Buddy Matthews will challenge Kazuchika Okada for the Continental Title, Toni Storm will look to become a 4-time AEW Women’s Champion when she faces Mariah May, and Harley Cameron will challenge Mercedes Mone for the TBS Title. We also have a pair of tag team matches on tap, as the Dream Team of Will Ospreay and Kenny Omega will square up with Kyle Fletcher and International Champion Konosuke Takeshita, while Jon Moxley and Claudio Castagnoli will take on Jay White and Cope (Just Cope) in a Brisbane Brawl match. All of that and, of course, so much more on tap for tonight!

So, how are we doing tonight? Hopefully, I am able to keep my wits about me until the end of this show and it being published. I did have a Monster coffee earlier and another one now, so I should be good to go. Just know that, if my report starts producing long lines of ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ, it’s not an indictment of the show’s quality, but it’s all on me LOL!

Tonight’s event is on tape delay from the lovely land down under, Brisbane, Australia! Our announcers are Tony Schiavone and Nigel McGuiness.

Cut intro to the show, thanks to the dang NBA, but it looks amazing in the arena! And we’re wasting NO time tonight!

International Champion Konosuke Takeshita & Kyle Fletcher vs. Will Ospreay and Kenny Omega
And here…we…go! THIS IS AWESOME chants before the bell even rings. Amazing. Ospreay and Fletcher to start us off, as the United Empire EXPLODES!

(Well, it already did, but ya know…)

Early shoulder tackles give Fletcher the advantage. Take to Takeshita, who boots Omega off the apron. Both men hit a double team shoulder block on Ospreay. Another quick tag by the Callis Family. Ospreay tries to fight off Fletcher, instead he kicks Takeshita off the apron. Rolling kick drops Fletcher. Tag, and Omega is on FIRE! Fletcher tries to cut it off. but Fletcher cannot escape, until he does for real. But Omega responds with knee strike to the face. Terminator pose is interrupted by Takeshita. But Ospreay is in now, the Golden Bruvs unleash hell on Takeshita. DOUBLE TERMINATOR! Double dive down onto the Callis Family!

Back in the ring, Ospreay hits a snap suplex on Fletcher and takes in Omega. Another quick tag, as we get our first FUCK DON CALLIS chant of the night. It took way too long lol. Fletcher fights off the Golden Bruvs, as he shoves Will into the gut of Kenny. Tag to Takeshita, who hits a senton splash and covers for two. Takeshita locks on a body lock, but Omega is quick to get the break. Omega with chops, but a kitchen sink from Takeshita cuts off that. Cover for a two by Konosuke. Takeshita with a whip and a corner clothesline. he tries another one, but Omega gets the boot up and gets the tag to Ospreay. Fletcher is tagged in, but Takeshita takes the bullet for him. Snap Dragon by Omega on Fletcher, but Takeshita with an exploder to Omega. Cheeky Nandos by Ospreay to Takeshita, he hits Fletcher with a Spanish Fly off the ropes next! PIP Break!

PIP Thoughts:
-Morgan Freeman makes Homes.com the best lol.
-Anyone catch Captain America yet, if you did, what did you think?
-Zales, V-Day is over, mates…
-In case you forgot, SNL 50th anniversary is tomorrow night.
-Booking.com. booking.YEAH!
-Everyone needs to be passive progressive lol.
-Meal and a Match with Mone.

We’re back, as Fletcher and Ospreay trade in the ring. Counters ensue, until Ospreay hits a counter DDT that planted Fletcher like a bud lol. Oscutter is cut off, but Ospreay scores with another DDT. Will kicks Takeshita off the apron, Hidden Blade, but Callis grabs the foot of Ospreay. Interesting, since he brought out Mark Davis and he is just standing there lol. That gets another FUCK DON CALLIS chant. Omega and Takeshita re in now, trying to overpower one another. Takeshita fakes high and kicks low, as Callis takes the piss from Schiavone lol. Ospreay in, Takeshita eats his kick and hits a rolling forearm. Takeshita cuts off a snap dragon. Takeshita with a double release German to both Ospreay and Omega! Yikes! Double teamwork ensues, but Omega reverses Takeshita with a hurricanrana! Ospreay pulls Fletcher to the floor, while Omega hits a power bomb on Takeshita! V-Trigger, but it’s just a two count! Omega moves in, but Takeshita cuts him off with a Blue Thunder Bomb for a two count.

(Shit, I need a cigarette, and I never smoked lol)

Omega sneaks over the back of Takeshita, he hits a knee strike and a dodgy looking poison rana. That could have ended badly, NGL. V-Trigger in the corner by Omega. Omega gets Takeshita on his shoulders and goes to the top rope! Takeshita is fighting like hell, but here comes Opsreay! CUTTER FROM THE TOP BY OSPREAY! HOLY SHIT CHANTS! Omega looking for another V-Trigger, but Fletcher intercepts him with a kick. Hidden Blade wipes him out. Ospreay sends Omega in for the V-Trigger. Counters ensue, DOUBLE TOMBSTONES BY TAKESHITA AND FLETCHER! THAT’S JUST A TWO COUNT!

(I know it’s cliche, but damn, let them fight forever!)

All four men are back to their feet. Team forearms ensue. BOO! YAY! BOO! YAY! It’s a hockey fight now lol. Fletcher gouges the eyes of Ospreay, and Takeshita with a forearm! Double team superkick and forearm by the Callis Family on Ospreay! OVERDRIVE KNEE BY TAKESHITA, BUT OMEGA KICKS OUT AT 2.9! SHEER DROP BRIANBUSTER BY FLETCHER, BUT OSPREAY SAVES THE DAY! Ospreay protects Omega from Fletcher. Get you a tag team partner who loves you like that! Ospreay is suspectable to double teamwork from the Callis Family, but he hits a Stunner on Fletcher. HIDDEN BLADE IS STOPPED BY A HUGE LARIAT! The knee pad is down! Takeshita looking for another Overdrive Knee, but Omega cuts it off. Shots ensue, but Omega with a standing V-Trigger!

(20 minutes and counting, folks!)

THAT’S IT, says Omega! One-Winged Angel is reversed. Here comes Fletcher with a pump kick. Fletcher to the top with Omega, but Kenny sends him to the floor! Here comes Takeshita with a pump kick. To the top, but Omega drops Takeshita face first on the top of the corner! OSPREAY CLEARS EVERYONE AND GOES OVER THE CORNER AND WIPES OUT FLETCHER! ONE-WINGED ANGEL AND HIDDEN BLADE COMBO FOR THE GOLDEN BRUVS FINALLY WINS IT!
WINNER: Kenny Omega and Will Ospreay
TIME: 21:20
THOUGHTS: Holy donkey shit and peanut piss, Batman! I feel bad for EVERYONE ELSE following this match. Just an amazing, fun match throughout, and the crowd made it so much better.
RATING: ****3/4

Harley Cameron is seen in the back in a heart costume! Her shot at the TBS Title is next, right after…

COMMERCIALS!!!

A special entrance for the most fun woman on the roster is up next, as Harley Cameron is here to test her luck and looks to finally defeat Mercedes Mone!

TBS Title Match: Mercedes Mone (C) vs. Harley Cameron
Momo Wantanabe is at ring side, as she gets a title shot at whatever champion she wants. Given that Mone has FOUR titles, it seems like a fair assertion that Mone will be the one she chooses.

FEEL THE WRATH chants as the bell rings. Mone instead does the Shawn Micheals pose in the corner. LOL! Harley wants her to FEEL THE WRATH, but Mone opens is up with a headlock and a scoop slam. Mone tells Cameron to get out of her ring but come on. Roll-up by Cameron gets a two count. She hits a side Russian Leg Sweep for another two count. Cameron has Mone up, but she gets out, looks for the Mone Maker, but Cameron escapes. She hits a bulldog into the ropes, followed by a kick. She screams this is my ring now, and she grabs PUPPET MONE! She mounts Mone with punches, shows off Puppet Mone, but Mone drops her. Mone grabs the Puppet and punts it out of the ring. BOO! Mone is serious now as she chokes Cameron with her boot. Corner Meteora gets Mone a two count. I don’t know why she acts like she can’t pin anyone with it. It never works lol. Snapmare into another Meteora from Mone, as we go for PIP Break.

To Steal from a 411 legend, there is no PIP thoughts during women’s matches, No Explanation Needed!

We’re back, as Mone has her move reversed into a Bulldog off the top rope by Cameron. A rather small CEO chant is now thwarted by support for Cameron. Forearms from Cameron. Clothesline. Make it two. Three is cut off by Mone, and she hits the Three Amigos. I dunno, don’t like the booing because it’s a tribute to Eddie. Mone walks over Cameron like she’s a welcome mat lol. Mone with a frog splash, but Cameron gets the knees up. Roll-up gets her a two count. Pump handle into a side suplex by Cameron for a two count, and HEY NOW, her hand went down THERE on Mone! Naughty! Backstabber by Mone, she hits a baseball slide and tells Cameron to get out of her ring. Cameron has found PUPPET MONE! Mone tries to kick it away, but she misses, and Cameron hits her with Puppet Mone! She slams Mone’s face off the apron. Mone back in the ring, Cameron goes to the top with the Puppet, crossbody from the top! AUSTRALIAN DESTROYER BY CAMERON, COVER, 2.5! Cameron takes too long, Mone catches her, but Cameron with a reverse with a pin for a two. Mone has had enough and hits a power bomb. Wisely, Aubrey gets Puppet Mone out of the ring before Mercedes kicks it out again lol. Top rope Meteora, but again it’s a two count. Mone is pissy, but a crucifix pin by Cameron gets a two count. Corner roll through for a two count! Area Codes Jones by Cameron! Cameron to the top rope, senton splash, the pool is empty. Mone Maker by Mone, and she retains.
WINNER: Mercedes Mone (Still Champion)
TIME: 12:50
THOUGHTS: Give all the credit in the world to Harley, this was her absolute best match in AEW. And while it sucks for her and the come country to see her lose, it’s still the performance that will turn Cameron from a comedy act into a more serious act who can do comedy but can be taken seriously.
RATING: ***3/4

Post-match, Mone walks by Momo at ringside, and she grazes her face with one of her titles.

The Brisbane Brawl is up next.

COMMERCIALS!

We’re back with Kenny Omega and Will Ospreay! Kenny should be happy, but he is pissed off with people like Takeshita and Callis. You want to prove that you are the best? Omega has the time and the place, Revolution in Los Angeles. Put the title on the line. Ospreay says he is the babyface over Fletcher in his own home country. He has his family members at ring side, but not at Revolution. Fletcher, and Ospreay. STEEL CAGE MATCH! His name is Will Ospreay, and he is on another level!

Well, shit, put all the titles on Kenny and Will. The term Dream Team is overrated, but it fits here!

Video package for Cope (Just Cope) and Jon Moxley. Let’s add dashes of the other Death Riders and Jay White and call it home!

Brisbane Brawl: Cope (Just Cope) & Switchblade Jay White vs. AEW World Champion Jon Moxley and AEW Trios Partial Title Holder Claudio Castagnoli
Fans singing Cope’s theme is really cool. Australia having fun, and you love to see and hear it. Cope is also floored by this as well lol. I was also curious as to whether the fans would boo White since he’s from New Zealand. They did, in fact, not boo him, but kind of nicely cheered him lol.

Cope and White ambush the Death Riders while they are at ring side! Back in the ring, both men mount and punch the Death Riders, then trade off corner clotheslines. To the floor go Jon and Claudio, and there goes Claudio’s white shirt lol. The BRAWL part of this match title is in full effect now. Cope and Claudio are going up the stairs, while White slams Moxley into the barricade at ring side. White pulls out a table, but he lets Marina distract him.

(I mean, I can’t blame him?)

Moxley takes advantage and puts White back in the ring, but he gets hit by a DDT by White. Claudio and Cope have made it to the upper deck now lol. Moxley smashes White in the face with a trash can lid. Cope on the ledge, running axe handle smash on Claudio! Cope is coming back to the ring, as Moxley and Marina set up the table at ring side. JON MOXLEY IS A WANKER chants. LOL. Moxley gently rolls White onto the table and hits some punches. Obvious luchador Moxley goes to the top rope, but Cope is back to cut him off. Cope goes to the top. He tries to suplex Moxley, but Marina cracks Cope with a kendo stick! White goes to cut off Marina, but Claudio is back! He powerbombs Cope through the table! PIP Break!

-Something Lexus
-Something about shit beer
-Watson is pretty good, NGL.
-Detect This: medication might make you ill if you are allergic to its ingredients!
-That’s my kind of Booking Vacation! 😉
-Lysol > Clorox.
-TBS has all of the Blockbusters!
-Screw you, NBA, you ran this way behind!

We’re back, as Moxley is making White eat his boot in the corner. Double team clothesline is missed, and Cope comes off the top with a Crossbody block. Moxley puts an end to his run with the Paradigm Shift and drops Cope back to the floor. Claudio loads up another table in the ring, as Marina looks on and talks to the camera. White is in with a kendo stick, and he goes HAM on both Jon and Claudio. Moxley cuts it off throws White headfirst into the chair that was wedged in the corner. Claudio screams YOU SON OF A BITCH and charges into the chair himself. Bladerunner by White, but here is Sheepdog Yuta! He has a belt, and he is whipping White, but Jay is only getting pissed off. BLADERUNNER TO THE SHEEPDOG! Cope grabs Moxley and splits him between the uprights on the ring post. Cope is thinking SPEAR, but Claudio with the uppercut. Cope avoids, hits a back body drop, and SPEARS CLAUDIO THROUGH THE TABLE! SPEAR TO MOXLEY!

Cope grabs the barbwire covered chair. He beats Moxley with it, as Bryce Remsberg looks like he is going to barf lol. CONCHAIRTO ATTEMPT, BUT WITH THE BARBWIRE CHAIR! Buzzkill Yuta is back though, as he steals the chair. Marina with the briefcase to the head of Cope. Neutralizer by Claudio, but Cope kicks out at two! Bulldog Choke from Moxley, Cope tries to fight, as Yuta holds on to White. Cope eventually passes out from the pain.
WINNER: Jon Moxley and Claudio Castagnoli
TIME: 14:40
THOUGHTS: Fun brawl, but obviously the numbers game was going to help out Jon and his Death Riders, and that is what happened. Does this mean Cope wins the title at Revolution, then?
RATING: ***1/4

Post-match, Moxley keeps the choke locked in while the fans chant BULLSHIT. Moxley has been censored by the station. What a Wild Thing, I tell you.

The Continental Title Match is up next!

COMMERCIALS!

Buddy Matthews and his sick entrance theme and even sicker entrance greet us post-commercials. So far, the Aussies have not done to well tonight, as they are 0-2. 0-3 if you count White as a fellow Islander.

Continental Title Match: Kazuchika Okada (C) vs. Buddy Matthews
The bell sounds, and we have a stare down. Buddy wants to shake hands, but Okada gives him the bird LOL. Head scissors ensue, but a shoulder tackle draws both men even. Matthews takes Okada to the ropes, fakes a cheap shot, but he pats Okada. Okada’s turn, and he pays him back in kind. Exchanges all over the place now ends with a tiaris takedown by Matthews. Buddy feigns a dive, but he intercepts Okada coming back in. Buddy flips off Okada. Quid-Pro-Quo says Nigel. Okada takes his belt and wants to leave. Buddy says that he knows he has called Okada a bitch, but now he’s just being a wanker. That makes Okada return to the ring, and he takes Buddy to the ropes. This time he jacks the jaw of Matthews. Okada’s offense is cut off by a kitchen sink. Knee drop by Buddy for a two count. Matthews with a side slam on Okada on the apron. Buddy to the top rope, rolls through, Okada with a pump kick and a flapjack. Matthews goes to the top, but Okada with the drop kick sends Buddy to the floor, as we go to PIP Break!

PIP thoughts:
-Lexus commercial with the babies and dogs is cute.
-I do like the Honey Nut Cheerios.
-The Hulu bundle commercial is very dramatic.
-Zale’s is the only company that didn’t get the memo.
-BK, HAVE IT YOUR WAY! YOU RULE!
-I never have had a dishwasher, so I Dunno if Cascade is great or not.
-F U NBA!

We’re back, as Matthews has taken over during the PIP to full on commercial break. Buddy does Mercedes proud with a Meteora from the very top for a two count. Okada rolls through on Matthews for a two count. Over the back neckbreaker by Okada, as he grins like a Chesire Cat. Okada to the top now, he makes it rain with an elbow drop. HE DOES THE POSE! That’s one bird for you! He does it to Buddy, but Matthews grabs the finger. Okada tries to kick Buddy away, he hits an elbow, but Matthews with a ripcord. Okada with the RAINMAKER FROM OUTTA NOWHERE! COVER, 2.9! Okada to the outside, he’s got his belt again. Stephon Smith takes the title, Matthews with a roll up for a two. CURBSTROMP! 2.99999! MATTHEWS (Previously Murphy’s) LAW! OKADA GETS HIS FOOT ON THE ROPES! BULLSHIT say the fans, as Matthews follows Okada to the outside. Big mistake, as Okada hits a DDT. Okada rolls Matthews back in, Okada to the top, but Matthews is up and hits a knee strike. SUPERPLEX BY MATTHEWS, BUT HE HOLDS ON AND TRANSISTIONS INTO A JACKHAMMER! Cover, 2.9! Texas Cloverleaf by Matthews, Okada rolls Matthews into Smith. Okada grabs on Smith, he hits a low blow on Matthews. RAINMAKER finishes it this time.
WINNER: Kazuchika Okada (Still Champion)
TIME: 13:25
THOUGHTS: You tend to forget that Matthews can totally go as a singles wrestler, and he showed that here. This result is more surprising than fellow Aussie Cameron losing, as you felt like Buddy could get that push. But Okada’s reign continues, with no end in sight.
RATING: ***3/4

We run down matches for this Wednesday on Dynamite.

Video package for our main event, and this has been one Glamorous, as well as TIMELESS, feud.

COMMERCIALS!

The Glamorous Champion is here post-commercial break, and the main event is just minutes away!

AEW Women’s Title Match: The Glamour Mariah May (C) vs. TIMELESS Toni Storm
Luther is on the steps in the crowd! Toni’s “normal” theme plays, but it cuts off, and the TIMELESS theme takes over. TONI, TONI STORM chants before the match even starts. Incredible. Arkady Ora is going to give us the super introduction here, as May and Storm are in an intense starring contest.

Alright guys let’s write the next chapter in the May and Storm saga! The bell rings, but neither woman is in a hurry to get started. Some banter is exchanged, then the hockey fight ensues. Storm takes May down and hammers away. She gives chase to the corner and proceeds to stomp May. Aubrey backs up Storm, and May takes advantage with a sling blade. It’s May’s turn to stomp Storm in the corner. May looks for May Day, but Storm escapes and hits a release German. A second release German. ONE MORE TIME chant, and Toni obliges. Storm continues into the book of Brock and hits a FOURTH German. FIVE in a row. SIX in a row. May crawls to the apron, and Storm follows. May avoids a drop to the floor, and trips Storm up on the apron. May with a shotgun dropkick, sending Storm crashing into the barricade. Luther looks on concerned, as we go to PIP Break.

Science studying is to be done, guys!

The final break is in the books, meaning Toni and Mariah will command the rest of the show. Storm fires back with some offense, including a Sky High that would make D-Lo Brown proud! Storm locks in an STF, as May screams in agony. May bites Storm on the arm to break the hold, so Toni smashes her face into the mat and applies it again. May finally makes it to the ropes to break the hold. Both ladies are on the apron now. headbutt by Storm knocks May down, but she misses the hip attack and hits the ring post. MAY DAY on the floor!

Aubrey is out to check on both ladies. May rolls Storm back into the ring, and she goes to the top rope. Missile dropkick sends Storm across the ring. May hits her own hip attack! May pulls Storm in, but she hits May with the MAYDAY! Cover, Mariah kicks out at two. Storm hits THE hip attack. A second one. A third one follows. STORM ZERO, BUT MARIAH KICKS OUT AT 2.888888888! Storm tries to pick up May, but she’s deadweight. Or it could be a ploy, as May hits a gut wrench suplex! MAYDAY! A SECOND MAYDAY BY MARIAH, BUT TONI WILL NOT DIE! May takes it out on Referee Aubrey, much to the consternation of our very own El Atomico! May sits Storm on the top, looking for a tiaris, but Storm blocks it. May goes back up, kisses Storm, but Storm with a powerbomb counter! STORM ZERO, BUT MAY ROLLS OUT OF BOUNDS! Storm back in, May trips her into the corner. STORM ZERO from May. Her next attack is countered, ROLL UP BY STORM, AND SHE GETS THE THREE!
WINNER: Toni Storm (And NEW Champion!)
TIME: 15:00
THOUGHTS: Not to take away from how amazing a match this is, but the story going into it, the feud, the entire journey and saga that we have seen unfold to this point, made this match feel ever so much more special. Toni winning the title for a fourth time and being the ONLY Aussie/New Zealander to win on the show makes it even more special, and I sincerely hope this is not the end of this, because these two women are spectacular together, whether as mentor/delusional fan, friends, or bitter enemies. Marvelous.
RATING: ****1/4

Storm celebrates with the title as May sits on the floor and Nigel has a stroke over her loss. And with that we’re done!