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Whatuuuuppp everyone!! It’s your favorite RAW Recapper and I’m here to slap the shit outta anyone that talks about my wife!

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It’s Monday…you know what that means.

Brock Lesnar is in the middle of the ring after a lengthy recap of Brock v Reigns. Brock welcomes us to RAW. He says it felt good, but it probably sucked. He won’t be doing that again. It sucked. What he doesn’t suck at is handing out Country Ass Kickins. He wants to spoil his game plan here. Roman, this Sunday, we’re going to take a trip down memory lane, down the streets of Suplex City, and he’ll introduce Reigns to the Beast of Broadway. He encourages the WHAT chants, saying they’ll go for a ride on the F-5, a ride that nobody survives. Steve will be there, too.

After the carnival, they’re going to hit a wedding. Their titles will marry, and it will have a baby – the Unified Title, and he gets full custody.

The crowd loves this, and I’m unsure why.

Brock says in 6 days, he finally gets his hands on Reigns. No more running. He will walk out champion.

We come back to The Miz as WWE covers he and Mysterio’s recent issues.

After a break, Miz introduces his favorite wrestler, Lucha Logan. Out comes Logan in his mask. Unmasking Rey was the most disrespectful thing he could have done. He will continue to take the respect from Rey, then says he feels like he should have a mask of his own, and should steal another one.

Here comes Rey and Dom. They head straight to the ring, Dom attacks Miz as Logan slides to the outside. Rey follows and walks him around the ring. Logan rolls in, ref is holding dom back, and in comes Rey to stop his son. The ref ejects Dom to the back? Lol. Ok….

Match 1: The Miz vs Rey Mysterio
Miz attacks the back! Rey reveres, hits a rana, slides out of the ring to chase Logan, and there is The Miz to lift Rey and send him into the barricade. DDT to Rey.

Back from a break, Rey flies off the corner, chops Miz into the ropes, whips, sunset flip from Miz, but Rey rolls through and kicks the head.

Miz locks the hed, tries for a powerbomb, Rey flips over and rolls Miz up for 1..2…3!!!

Winner: Rey Mysterio
Literally NOTHING happened here…
Total Rating: ½*
Match Time: 5:27

Out comes ominik to try and double 619 Logan, but he slides out of the ring. Rey grabs the mask and steals it back.

IN the ring, Dom hits a kick to Miz, Rey drops Miz onto the ropes, and they hit double 619s as Logan watches on.

Frog splash from Dom, then Rey gets to the top and flies as Cole gushes on commentary. Another frog splash.

The video of Seth Rollins visiting Vince in his office floating around today is played in its entirety. Basically, Vince tells Seth he just had toa sk for a match, and he’s got one against an opponent of his choosing come Mania.

Back live, and Omos is taking on The Viking Raiders.

Match 2: Omos vs The Viking Raiders

Erik starts with Omos, and Omos makes short work of him, hitting a clothesline. Erik rolls to the outside. Ref starts the count as Erik gets help from his partner. Ref hits 10. Lol. Wtf.

Winner:
LOLOMOSWINS
Total Rating: NR
Match Time: :47

Omos gets another interview in the ring. Kevin asks him if there is anyone that coul threaten him. Omos says nobody. He is undefeated and will dominate everyone. Surely there must be someone.

Bobby Lashley’s music hits, and Omos applauds as Byron wonders in bated excitement if Lashley is actually here.

Lashley takes a while to come out, but does so, and here he is. Lashley enters the ring as Omos stands. Lashley stares at the Mania sign, but Omos sends him into the corner. Lashley shows frustration, runs into a punch, Omos grabs him by the back of the neck, shoves him into the ropes, Lashley with a shoulder tackle, sending Omos down to the mat! Omos rolls out of the ring, pissed. Lashley points to the Mania sign, says Let’s Go, and Omos says the same.

After what seems like forever and a day, we get to Reigns in the middle of the ring with The Usos and Heyman. The crowd WHATS him and he says he’s done it all but beat Brock at mania, and that pisses him off. Let’s talk about Brock, says Reigns. What really bothers him about Brock is that he acts as if he is out for blood, but in 2018, he bled all over New Orleans. Brock smashed his fce so badly, his children didn’t recognize him, his family was disappointed, then he comes out and it’s just a game now? A game? That’s all good, because The Tribal Chief changed the game! They will take everything from him. He took Heyman, he took his record of a title reign, got his blood at the Garden, and this Sunday, he will make the final move and take the title. Then, Brock will know what it’s like to make it personal, because he will make it personal, because it’s always been personal to Reigns.

A great promo from Reigns in his Patent Breds.

Backstage, Vega and Mella are in the middle of a photo shoot until Mella tells the photographer to stop. Some more bad acting leads us to last week when they took everyone out.

Here comes Shayna and Nattie, to tell them to get behind the two Queens so they can assure victory. So as long as bootleg Barbie and the Imposter Queen get out of their way, then maybe they’ll let the two girls long enough to see Wrestlemania. If this sounds wordy, bloated, and horribly written, that’s because it is.

Match 3: Sasha Banks, Naomi, Rhea Ripley, and Liv Morgan vs Natalya, Shayna Baszler, Carmella, and Queen Zelina

Rhea and Natalya to start. Rhea gets a tago to Naomi as Nattie tags in Shayna, Shayna with some punches. Naomi is cornered and Vega gets a tag. She kicks Naomi a bit before Naomi tags in the best wrestler on the planet. She coers Vega, gets a 1.2..NO!!! Mella breaks it up, kick from Shanya, Liv in to send Shayna out, Nattie in to clothesline Liv, rolling her out, in comes Rhea with a headbutt, Mella with a superkick Sasha is back up, tries for a backstabber, but Vega pulls Sasha to the outside and sends her into the barricade.

Back and Mella has Sasha in the middle of the ring with a cravat from behind. Sasha gets cornered, sends all the heels off the apron, backstabber to Mella. Sasha reaches for a tag, but Shayna and Vega and Natalya pull everyone off the apron. Tag to Shayna. Naomi on the apron, Sasha reaches for a tag, Shayna stops her, sends Naomi off the apron, elbow from Sasha, she locks the head, Shayna turns this into a Stretch Muffler, tag from Natalya, they hit a Hart Attack, Vega sends Natalya to the outside and goes for a cover? WTF….

Mella pulls Shayna to the outside, Vega turns back to Sasha, Sasha catches a kick, tags Naomi, high knee to Sasha, Naomi with a kick, tag to Liv, Rhea gets a tag,

Liv kicks Vega into a Rip Tide and a cover for 1..2…3!!!

Winners: Sasha Banks, Naomi, Liv Morgan, and Rhea Ripley
Not even the presence of Sasha could cheer me up…what has the WWE done…
Total Rating: *
Match Time: 8:16

We get a recap of Owens making fun of Austin last week then a Austin video package to the tune of Kid Rock.

Owens is in the middle of the ring, says that was an incredible tribute. He calls the production team “true angels.” Haha. As great as the tribute was, it’s nothing compared to his from last week. It wa3s amazing. He heard people say he was mocking Austin, but those are lies. LIES! He was payin homage to the great Stone Cold we all love and remember. He knows everyone is ecstatic that Austin is his guest in the main event of Mania Saturday.

Owens says that Austin we see in the tribute video, he’s been gone for 19 years. At Mania, it’s not even Stone Cold anymore, it’s Steve. The same Steve that has been drinking himself into oblivion for 19 years. He’s bored to tears, so he invites people on his podcast to make him feel good and young again. HE still sounds and looks like Stone Cold, but we’re going to get Steve at Mania. He wants to sit and have a beer with Austin so that he can pass the torch. He thinks his stunner is better than Stone Cold’s. Once the torch is passed, Steve can be on his way. Just know that if Steve tries to get funny with Owens, there will be a stunner.

Match 4: Austin Theory vs Ricochet
Ricochet uses his speed to beat dat ass, flying with a springboard forearm then a standing shooting star press.

Ricochet to the top rope, Theory stands, hits the ropes, Ric drops down into the clutches of Theory, who tries for a powerbomb, turns it into an ATL. Cover for 1..2…3!!!!

Winner: Austin Theory
LOL WTF
Total Rating: NR
Match Time: 1:40

Cole and Co pay their respects to HHH.

Bianca is in the middle of the ring. She brings up Becky, and how two weeks ago, she found out how low Becky would stoop. Let’s be real; her confidence threatens Becky. That’s why Becky acts the way she does. Not only did she try to injure but also come out weekly running her mouth, bashing her name, playing the victim, and trying to ruin her reputation. Uh uh, girl. Congrats to Becky, she took Bianca out for a week, but she’s here tonight like she never even left. She’s been trying every trick in the book to keep the title. She tried to end Bianca’s career, tried to break her throat and her spirit. What else she got? She aint got shit. Come Saturday, at Mania, she’s comin for Becky.

Lynch’s music hits, Bianca readies. Becky slides out from under the ring, but Bianca catches her and attacks into the corner. Becky slid a chair into the ring. Becky grabs the chair, hits Bianca in the stomach, then cracks her across the back. Becky has something wrapped in a bag. It’s scissors. She said she was coming for Bianca’s hair. She grabs the braid, looks to cut it. Refs run down the ramp KOD OUTTA NOWHERE FROM BIANCA!!!! She grabs Becky and hits another one!

Bianca sees the scissors, and grabs the pair. She grabs Becky by the hair, and cuts it! Bianca goes in with the scissors until Pearce and Deville run down. Bianca continues to cut Becky’s hair off her head as Pearce screams for her to stop.

Becky has come to as Bianca walks up the ramp. She screams in anger. This means war. Becky chants that she is going to end Bianca. The crowd chants that she deserves it. Lol.

Backstage, Becky is holding her hair in her hadn, fuming in a mirror. Sarah comes up with a mic, Becky grabs the mic and drops it, staring evily, then turns to the cam to call Bianca a bitch.

Match 5: Drew McIntyre vs Happy Corbin an Madcap Moss
Lockup between Corbin and Drew. Corbin shoves, then leaves the ring off a tag. Drew brings him in the hard way, clothesline from rew. He sends Moss into the corner, Drew hits a bunch of rights. Belly to belly to Moss. Drew with aneckbreaker, kip up, and sends Moss into the corner so he can get him some Corbin.

Instead, Happy hops down the apron and walks up the ramp. Drew decides to hit a Claymore to send a message. He gets it, a pin, and the 1.2…3!

Winner: Drew McIntyre
…
Total Rating: NR
Match Time: 1:51

Corbin attacks Drew after the bell hitting an End of Days to leave Drew laid out. Corbin grabs the sword and takes it with him. Hasn’t this all happened already?

Edge is at some table with a scale. He says last week, he took fate into his own hand. It needed to be AJ. They need each other. AJ needed him to take off the veil of mediocrity and remind him of who he is. You’re welcome. He needed to realize that he is the benchmark of the WWE. He will keep soaring, AJ will stay where he is. This Sunday, they will finally get to face off in a match for the ages. But AJ, he saw the look in his eyes, and he knows that Edge is roaming inside his head. This Sunday is Judgment day, and his judgment is sealed.

Match 6: The Usos vs Rated RKBRO
Orton and Jimmy to start. Orton with an uppercut. Tag to Riddle who gets an assisted floating Bro. The Usos try for superkicks, but Riddle and Orton catch the boot and they both nearly hit RKOs! Usos slide out of the ring, though, and talk some shit to Shinsuke and Boogs. Orton and Riddle follow out and hit back suplexes to each Uso onto the annonucer’s table.

We are back from a break, and Orton is in the ring until he tags in Riddle who kicks in the chest of Uso. Deadlift gutwrench toss from Riddle. Riddle gets backed into th corner. Tag from The Usos. Big right hand to Riddle. Kick from Riddle, splash in the corner, right hand, T-Bone suplex out of the corner! Riddle with a running senton! Pin for 1..2..NO! Whip is reversed, RRiddle runs up the ropes and hops over, misses a kick. Samoan Drop to Riddle! Cover for 1..2…NO!!!! Tag and in comes Jimmy. Stomps to Riddle. Knee to the back of the head. Kick to Riddle’s face! Another tag from The Usos. Stomp to the wrist. Cheapshot to Riddle, as the ref is distracted. Riddle gets some momentum but gets kicked in the back of the head, then kicked again, sending him outside. Riddle gets sent over the barricade as we go to commercial.

Winner:

Total Rating:
Match Time: