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We are days away from…Summerslam? Oh shit..wild.

It’s another day in Acero paradise, and I’m feelin like Ric Flair! I should probably retire, but WOOOOOOOO I won’t!

It’s Monday…you know what that means.

We start RAW with WWE’s Global Ambassador, Titus O’Neil. Crowd gives him some love.

Titus says when he came to the WWE and entered the Hall of Fame as a Warrior recipient, he thought he had reached the height of his personal achievements. Unbeknowsnt to him, he’d reach The Pinnacle! Whoa…TITUS TO AEW!!! No, he is officially the Global Ambassador, and he wants to spread good will across the world. All of them do what they can to put smiles on our faces. They support causes that help families and communities, and bring people together to do good. They don’t talk about politics or religion. Regardless of race, economic status, or nationality, this is a safe haven, a place the WWE wants to make sure we all have a good time, and that’s what we’re bout to do here tonight.

Welcome to Monday Night RAAAWWWWWW.

After a recap of the happenings surrounding the Women’s Championship, Becky Lynch comes out for some words.

Becky welcomes us and wants to talk about The Little Engine That Could. This little engine that had a heavy load and kept on going regardless of obstacles. This is similar to her journey, but she is not no little blue choo-choo, she is The Big Time Bex Express. When she becomes unhinged, she cannot be stopped. Which is why when Asuka tried to derail her, she rolled right over her, and when the train is coming, it stops for no one. Everyone stops for the train, just like those five women stopped at Money in the Bank. She continues her metaphorical train with the news that the winner of tonight will face her at Summerslam for the title.

Bianca has some words for her, and she’s in SHORTS!

She says what Becky did last week was foul. She cant even sit on the sidelines and watch her be great. She wants to tell her something; Becky can do whatever it is she wants to try and take the spotlight, but this is not the Becky Lynch Wrestlemania Comeback story.

Becky: “Yes it is.”

Lol. Bianca says this is Her comeback story. Losing to Becky in 29 seconds was the worst point in her career. She took that loss and made every opportunity she got to redeem her reputation. Look at them now, a year later, and she is proud to say she did JUST THAT. After she beats Carmella, she is going to rewrite that last chapter and kick her little caboose right on back to Ireland.

Carmella is here to say she is a bad ass with a great ass. Last week, she beat Bianca. She calls it convenient that it was a countout loss. Could it be Bianca realized she was outmatched and took aa shortcut? It doesn’t matter, because if it happens again, Carmella is winning.

Bianca cuts her off, she’s tired of the talking. Let’s remember why she is who she is

Becky attacks from behind. And we get Mella and Becky double teaming Bianca with stomps. Kick from Bainca to oth, shoulders in the corner to Becky, Mella attacks from behind, right hand from Bianca drops Mella, but Becky hits her with a Manhandle Slam.

We come back from a break, and a ref is checking on Bianca, asking her if she can continue. She says yes, she wants the match to start.

Match 1: WWE RAW Women’s Championship Match
Carmella vs Bianca Belair

Mella attacks immediately, cornering Bianca and hitting some back elbows to her face. Mella rushes the corner, misses a Bronco Buster. Bianca misses a clothesline, Mella tries for a rana, Bianca catches her and hits a backbreaker. Another backbreaker. Bianca with a tackle, right hand, dropkick. Bianca wit a fallaway slam. She hits the ropes, moonsault misses, Mella rolls to the outside. Ref starts the count, but I thought this was no countout. Bianca rolls Mella into the ring, reg starts the count, Becky distracts, and Bianca enters at 5. Bianca looks for a KOD on the outside, but Mella slinks into the ring and pulls her into the ringpost. Ref counts but Bianca rolls in and Mella attacks, rolls her outside, and ref starts the count again. Bianca gets to 8 and rolls into the ring.

Mella whips, back elbow from Bainca, Mella tosses Bainca over the top rope and she hits the steps then falls to her back. Ref starts the count. Ref gets to 8 and Bianca rolls back in.

Back from a break, and Bianca hits a springboard moonsault and a cover for 1..2…NO!!! Back elbow from Mella, Bianca locks up from behind, tries for a slam, but Mella sends her into the ropes, covers and uses the ropes for 1..2.NO!!! Mella with a kick and another cover for 1..2…NO!!!! Bianca sits mella on the top rope, locks the head and goes for a suplex. Mella swipes, Bianca back flips, lands on her feet, catches a crossbody, locks the head, and hits a delayed suplex to Mella! Mella to the apron. Bianca grabs Mella, Mella hangs her up, x-Factor and a cover for 1..2…NO!!!!

Right hand from Mella. She shoves Bianca, yells at her loudly, Bianca is pissed. She stands up, eats a right hand to the face. Bianca dodges, KOD!!!! Cover for 1..2….3!!!!!

Winner: Bianca Belair
That was…not good. Carmella seemed out of place, slow, sloppy, and tired. The countout stip was more annoying than anything, and the ending was abrupt. Yeesh
Total Rating: *1/2
Match Time: 10:29

Becky grabs the title, walks into the ring, and drops it in front of Bianca with attitude, then leaves the ring.

We are taken back to Smackdown where Jimmy Uso had his shoulder up as well, causing the “necessity” for a Special Guest Referee.

Backstage, The Street Profits are excited about Jarrett. Ford says make no mistake about it, they will be walking out of Nashville with the titles.

MVP and Omos interrupt their catchphrase. The Street Profits should be glad Omos wasn’t named Special Guest Ref. Dawkins tells MVP tough talk coming from a hype man. MVP says he doesn’t have the proper attire, but he knows someone that’s down. So he’ll talk to Pearce and make it official; Dawkins vs Omos.

KEVIN OWENS IS HERE!

We are having ourselves a KO Show with Matt Riddle up next.

Owens wants to tell us where he has been, but first he’d like to welcome his guest.

Riddle thanks Owens for being on the show, but Owens knows why he is here; Owens promised him a Mountain Dew Baja Blast. Owens wonders what to do with his flip flops. Owens tells Riddle that he hasn’t been around. He had to step away. He was obsessed with Elias and proving that he was also Ezekiel. A few weeks ago, he came close to going crazy, so he went on a nature retreat. He realized he admired Riddle. Riddle is cool, calm, and collective, and although hedoesn’t know if Riddle has any help in being that way, but Owens wants more of it. He doesn’t care about Ezekiel anymore. He wants to talk Seth vs Matt. Seth also caused him great anguish. Seth used to be his best friend, but he betrayed and insulted him. He lost his best friend that night, just like Matt lost his best friend Randy Orton.

He says RKOBro was good, but BRO-KO could be great.

Riddle wants to not get ahead of ourselves. If he’s being honest, Kevin is like the biggest liar he knows, dude.

Owens understands, given his past, however, he has turned over a new leaf. Riddle trusted Randy Orton, the biggest snake in the history of the WWE.

Riddle doesn’t like it when he talks about his best friend like that, and he’s done talking.

Seth Rollins is here, Riddle turns towards the screen, turns back to Owens, Owens says he has nothing to do with that. Rollins music hits again, and HERE COMES SETH FROM BEHIND!!! STOMP TO RIDDLE!!!

Owens leaves the ring as Seth stands above Riddle, posing with jubilation. Seth tosses the chairs out of the ring, looking for another stomp. He gets another one in. Riddle is laid out cold.

We switch gears to Rey and Dom and their issues with The Judgment Day.

Seth is backstage, telling Kevin that Riddle is so stupid, and this stupidity is turning into arrogance. Riddle actually thinks he can beat him at Summerslam.

Here comes Ezekiel, asking Seth who he thinks he is, doin whatever you want whenever you want. That’s not going to work. Seth wants Ezekiel to tell him how it will work because he is Seth Freakin Rollins. He can stomp whoever he wants. He brings up Elias, and Zeke is pissed, saying not to talk about his family. Seth tells him to stay out of his business. Ezekiel says he is in his business, and business is about to pick up.

Seth: “I hope so.”

Priest and Finn are in the ring. Priest ask for us to rise for a Prince and a Punisher. Last week, they chose not to injure Dominik, because he will make the right decision and join them. They guarantee that tonight. They’ve seen the look in his eyes. Drop your father, stop letting him hold Dom back. Let them remind Dom what happened the last time some legend tried to stifle them.

Finn says he can watch the video of them betraying Edge over and over and over again.

Rey cannot, and his music hits. Out comes Dom and Rey.

Match 2: Rey Mysterio vs Damian Priest

Match is already goin down as we return. Priest has a chinlock on Rey. Priest with a blow to the back, he turns Rey and hits a right hand to the side of the head. High knees from Priest. Whip to Rey, Rey holds onto the ropes, kicks high and bounces off the ropes, wheelbarrow into a bulldog. Rey to the top rope, Priest with the GOOZLE! Rey turns it into a rana! Priest hits the ringpost shoulder first. Rey to the top again, flies with a seated senton, hits the ropes, bounces off with a crossbody, cover for 1..>NO! Whip is stopped. Priest sends him ot the corner, Rey hops up, Priest catches him on the shoulders, Rey turns this into a DDT. Cover for 1..2.NO!!! Drop toe hold! Balor on the apron. Dom pulls him off, Finn sends him into the barricade, Rey dorpkicks Balor into the barricade. Another drop toe hold, but Priest is up to hit a leg lariat. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Rey sends Priest into the ropes yet aain. 619 is hit this time.

Rey to the top rope. Priest turns, seated set—-no, Priest catches, flips Rey onto his back, and sends him flying with. Razor’s Edge! Cover for 1..2….3!!!

Winner: Damien Priest

Total Rating: **
Match Time: 4:01 shown

Priest attacks after the match. Finn grabs some chairs. He heads into the ring, sets up Rey on the chairs. Priest calls for Dominik. He said Dom is joining tonight, or they take Rey’s head off.

Finn stomps Rey a few times. Dom slides into the ring. He tells them to stop, he’ll join, just stop.

Priest tells Dom it doesn’t work that way. Finn attacks Dom with a chair, then smacks him across the back. Finn goes to hit Rey, but Rey rolls to the outside.

Seth Rollins is here, presumably for some action against Ezekiel.

Match 3: Seth Rollins vs Ezekiel

Zeke starts with the upperhand, hitting a side headlock takedown to Seth. He stands with the hold still on, Seth attacks the midsection, sends him into the ropes, Zeke hits the ropes, under Seth, Seth arm drags, but Zeke holds on and gets yet another side headlock down. Seth corners Zeke, ref breaks the hold. Seth chops but Zeke ducks and chops. Whip to the ropes, Seth grabs the head, slams Zeke down hard. Seth with some punches in the corner. Whip to the corner, mule kick from Zeke. Seth to the outside. Zeke follows, hases him around and back into the ring, Seth hits the ropes, Zeke catches him and shoots him up hard, then watches as he falls to the mat. Seth up, sends Zeke to the outside, goes for a suicide dive, but Zeke catches him, sends him into the barricade, the apron, back into the ring. He heads to the top rope, Seth crotches him, gets to the top rope and lands a knee on th back of Zeke’s head.

We are back, and Zeke gets a close call with a 1..2..NO!!!! Zeke grabs Seth, gets him to the shoulders. Seth hops off, Zeke kicks, hooks the leg, Seth with a cradle! 1..2..NO!!!! Kick from Seth to the chin. Cover for 1.2…NO!!! Seth pulls himself up in the corner, looks for a stomp, but Zeke side steps, rols up for 1..2.NO!!! Seth with a right, Zeke ducks, backslide for 1..2..NO!!!! Seth tries for a stomp again, but Zeke catches him, Seth with a victory roll, 1..2..NO!!! Zeke counters with a powerbomb! 1..2…..NO!!!! Zeke with a forearm to the face, right from Seth, right from Zeke, chop to Seth. Right hand, Right from Zeke. One from Seth. They are hittin hard in the middle of the ring. Seth with a high kick to the head, and both men are down. Seth is sent to the apron, right hand. Seth springboards, HIGH KNEE FROM ZEKE!!! Cover for 1..2….NO!!!! Zeke to the top rope! Seth is up, he rushes the corner, ocks the head, superplex to Zeke! Seth holds on! FALCON ARROW! Cover for 1..2….NO!!!! Seth double underhook, looks for Pedigree, Zeke escapes, cover for 1..2..NO!!!

Rolling Right from Seth, he turns Zeke, elbow to the back of the head. Hits the ropes. STOMP! 1…2….3!!!!

Winner: Seth Rollins
One of Ezekiel’s best matches to date. A great ass match stuck in the middle of a boring episode thus far.
Total Rating: ***1/2
Match Time: 11:50

The Usos are ringside when we return, apparently here to watch the Omos vs Dawkins match.

Match 4: Omos vs Angelo Dawkins

Ford distracts Omos and Dawkins hits a hard right to the dome. Omos crushes him with a tackle, and Ford tries to distract yet again. Omos with a back elbow in the corner. Omos rushes the corner again, but Dawkins slips under and Omos is stuck on the top rope. Dawkins with the rights and lefts. Spinning clotjelsine, another into the corner, a high kick to Omos.

Dawkins hits the ropes, but MVP trips Dawkins! REF SEES IT! Ref calls for the bell!

Winner: Angelo Dawkins via DQ
-eyeroll-
Total Rating: NR
Match Time: 1:17

MVP enters the ring to argue with the ref, Dawkins and Ford celebrate.

Here comes Pearce. He has a solution. He heard MVP would have loved to team against The Street Profits, and that’s goin to happen…right now.

Match 5: Omos and MVP vs The Street Profits

Omos and Dawkins start this, and Omos hits a back elbow in the corner. Omos steps on the hand of Dawkins. He stomps the hand. Whip to the corner, hard. Dawkins falls hard. Tag to MVP. MVP in to laugh at Dawkins a bit, then kicks him away. Right hand from MVP. Dawkins fights back, MVP with a throat thrust. Knee from MVP. BALLINNNNNN! Elbow drop. Cover for 1…NO! MVP calls for the finish, hits the ropes, Dawkisn with a hard right hand. Tag to Ford. Tag to Omos. Ford stays on the apron, high kick, to the top rope, he flies, Omos catches him. Fireman’s. Press, Ford lands on his feet!! Kik, another kick, high kcik to the head, another enziguri!!!! Springboard, but Omos swats him away. Big Boot from Omos. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! MVP grabs the feet of Dawkins, right hand on the outside, Dawkins bloks, then tosses MVP INTO The Usos! Jey and Jimmy try and enter the ring,

The Street Profits double dropkick Omos, double superkick to OMos. Ford to the top rope. He flies with a Frog Splash! Lands hard! Cover for 1…..NO!!!!

Omos kicks out at 1! Ford to the top rope again, but Jey Usos stops him and that’s enough for a DQ.

Winners: The Street Profits via DQ
Ford is a God among men, but not even that was enough to save this overbooked bloated mess.
Total Rating: *
Match Time: 4:07

The Usos send The Street Profits into double GOOZLE! Chokeslam to The Street Profits!

The Usos stand over The Street Profits with titles in hand.

Backstage, Veer stares at an interviewer, then to hard cam, says BOO, then laughs back at the camera.

Here comes The Miz to say that if Logan will not be his partner, he’ll become his enemy.

We are reminded of Ziggler’s presence last week before heading to Theory in th ring. He calls Ziggler pathetic. He doesn’t blame Ziggler because look at him.

AJ has heard enough, and he’s out for this match to get started. He tells Theory he’s out here making big promises, so AJ will make one too. Whatever happens at Summerslam, whether Theory beats Lashley or cash in and get the title, or even both, Aj will be the first in a long line of people that will take that from him. The locker room is not jealous of Theory, they just think he’s a jackass.

Theory says AJ is so easy to figure out as the crowd WHATs him. He is the youngest US Champion, and youngest Mr. MitB. So what the hell was AJ doin at his age? He’s an overnight sensation. He knows why Aj doesn’t like him.

AJ stops him, says there isn’t enough time to explain why he doesn’t like Thoery. He is proud of where he is from, and his background made him who he is today. He’s the guy that will knock some respect into Theory.

Right hand to the FACE!

Ziggler’s music hits and he comes out.

Match 6: AJ Styles vs Austin Theory

Theory is heated and rushes Aj, but AJ stuffs him with a punch. Right hand from AJ, whip to the corner. Bakbreaker from AJ. AJ corners Theory and hits some shoulders. Right hand from Theory. Whip to AJ into the corner, hard. Cover for 1..2…NO!!! Snapmare into a cravat from behind. Theory slams AJ down, covers for 1….NO!!!! Cravat again. Aj stands, back suplex to Theory. AJ Kicks, gets sent to the outside, AJ lands on his feet, Theory rolls out, Aj rolls in. Dolph stands slowly, stares down Theory. Theory shoves Dolph on his ass. Theory back into the ring. Enziguri from AJ, sends Theory back to the outside.

We are back, and Theory hits a back body drop to Aj, then covers for 1…2.NO!!! Theroy works the left arm from behind, rubbing his forearm in the face of AJ at the same time. Sliding forearm from AJ. AJ tries for a suplex, Theory lands on his feet, AJ hits a neckbreaker, cover for 1..2..NO!!! Drop toe hold to AJ into the buckle. Theory rolls into the ring, hits a dropkick, grabs AJ, hooks the leg and head and drops AJ on his knee. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Theory mouths, “It’s my time,” then gets Styles on the shoulder. AJ rolls through, CALF CRUSHER!! Theory to the bottom rope. AJ breaks the hold. Theory rolls to the feet of Dolph Ziggler. Aj leaves the ring, on the apron, runs with a sliding kick, but Theory catches AJ and nearly drops him on Dolph. He holds on hard, and drops AJ onto the table. Thoery sends AJ back into the ring.

Ref checks on AJ. SUPERKICK FROM DOLPH!! Ref starts the count. She’s up to 5. Theory up at 8, hits the apron. AJ wins as the ref hits 10.

Winner: AJ Styles via Countout
A good showing from Theory, and a great showing from AJ as expected.
Total Rating: ***
Match Time: Stopwatch Issues

AJ hits Styles Clash for fun.

Video package for Becky vs Bianca.

Match 7: Alexa Bliss, Asuka, and Dana Brooke vs Piper Niven, Nikki A.S.H. and Tamina

Asuka and Nikki to start. Asuka sends Nikki to the outside tries for a baseball slide, and gets stuck in the apron. Nikki attacks, Tamina runs up and headbutts Asuka, then Piper splashes her. Dana to the top rope. She flies off the top onto Piper and Tamina.

Here comes Reggie to distract Dana, Akira rolls her up and wins the 24/7 Championship.

He runs into the ring, Nikki hits a spinning neckbreaker, covers and she wins the 24/7 title. Bliss with a DDT. She wins the 24/7 title. Piper with a splash and cover to win the title. She turns and Tamina superkicks her for the cover and the win. Dana re-enters the ring, rolls Tamina up and gets the win.

Dana runs away, Tamina chases her, and I am so annoyed.

IN the ring, Asuka turns Nikki around, kicks her hard in the face, locks in The Asuka Lok and Nikki taps.

Winner: Nobody
None of this makes any sense.
Total Rating: -*****
Match Time: 2:31

Rey and Dom are backstage to sell their injuries from over an hour ago. Rey tells them next week, he’ll be celebrating 20 years, and they’ll cap that off by showing The Judgment Day what it means to be a Mysterio.

We are back, and The Miz introduces Logan Paul to the ring.

Logan says he is here face to face, do you accept the Summerslam challenge or not.

Miz wants to talk about the good things, like the last time they were in the ring together.

Video package to remind us.

Paul says no a thousand times, then asks to continue playing the footage to see what happens after.

Paul is noticeably upset. Miz wants to explain himself. He was trying to teach Logan Paul.

Paul says the only thing he learned was that he had to sign a contract, come back here, and beat The Miz’s ass one-on-one at Summerslam. A kid from Cleveland that became a global superstar, went the distance wit the greatest boxer of any generation, a man able to harness in ring ability faster than anyone. Logan is unique, one of a kind, and has so much promise, and he knows Logan thinks he is ready, but he is not. Mania was a tag team match, Miz was able to protect him. One on one, Logan cannot do what he does. Out there, yes, absolutely, Paul is a huge star. But here, this is MizTV, and he hosts it. He’s not getting the match. Logan Paul is a rookie, and he’s gotta earn the right to face him.

Paul takes off his jacket, tosses it aside, says maybe he’s not “tough enough?” lol. Paul was told he wasn’t ready his whole life. He’s in his prime. When someone tells him he’s not ready, it only motivates him, and right now, his sole motivation is to prove Miz wrong and beat the hell out of him at Summerslam. So he’ll be back next week to host Impulsive TV, and he’ll show Miz who is better.

Miz says the answer will still be no. Logan is not surprised. This is exactly what everyone would expect to hear from a man with two blueberries in his pants. Logan leads a “tiny balls” chant.

Miz is upset. He shows a new shirt that says his balls are massive.

This alone causes Miz to accept the challenge. Miz tries to attack, but Paul escapes and hits a clothesline to Miz, sending him to the outside.

CIAMPA ATTACKS FROM BEHIND!

Miz re-enters the ring as Ciampa holds Logan up. Miz grabs him by the chin, Logan with a kick, elbow to Ciampa, Paul rolls to the outside, laughing up the ramp.

End Show